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ARLENE ISTAR LEV
Friday, March 31, 2006
Home studies are to adoptions what homework is to school — you can’t get through school without doing your homework, and you can’t complete an adoption without enduring a home study, a clinical evaluation that involves anywhere from one to three long visits with a social worker in your home.
The purpose of a home study is to evaluate whether your family and home will be a safe and healthy environment in which to place a child. The actual regulations for the process vary from state to state and agency to agency.
As soon as the word adoption is spoken, people start recounting horror stories about agencies that stole money, or disrupted adoptions that left families brokenhearted. However, more than 100,000 adoptions are finalized each year in the U.S. and it is doubtful that most of these are horror stories.
Home studies involve extensive documentation. First of all, you will need to provide proof of your identification and assets, as well as fill out considerable amounts of paperwork about your history and childhood. You will need to provide copies of your birth certificate, marriage and divorce paperwork, proof of income, savings, investments, mortgages and tax information. Additionally, there is a criminal background check including fingerprinting to prove that you have never been found guilty of child abuse or neglect.
You will need a physician’s statement that you are in good health and references from 3-5 people. Finally, you will need an extraordinary memory and the ability to reiterate your entire childhood history, including your grandparents’ discipline strategies, and the address of every home you’ve ever lived in. You will be asked about your parenting philosophy and your future childcare arrangements.
THE FIRST DECISION you must make in preparing for an adoption involves deciding whether you are interested in domestic or international adoption. Domestic adoption means that the children needing homes are born and living in the United States and are available for adoption through a public agency or foster program, or a private agency or attorney in the U.S. Children are available for adoption from birth through adolescence. The cost of private agency adoptions can range from $5,000 to approximately $30,000.
Depending on the state in which you live, the Department of Social Services offers educational and training programs for prospective foster and adoptive parents called The MAPP (Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting Program) or PATH (Parents as Tender Healers) Programs. Through a series of meetings, these programs are designed to help you make informed decisions about your ability and readiness to adopt.
In some states you can hire an independent social worker to complete a home study for approximately $500 to $2,000, and the home study can then be used with an agency of your choice.
International adoption means that the child is born in another country and becomes available for adoption by families in the United States; nearly 20,000 children were adopted from other countries in 2002. International adoptions rarely cost less than $10,000 and can be as high as $50,000. International adoptions are virtually always "closed adoptions" permanently suspending contact with birth parents. This can also serve to protect the adoptive family for complications in the adoption process.
Currently, there are no countries that will knowingly place a child with a lesbian or gay family; lesbians and gay men must apply as a single person. It is important to note that the effort of being closeted throughout the process can be extremely stressful for some families.
This also places social workers and agencies that work with gay families in a complex position advocating for our families. One single lesbian was told that if she didn’t bring up her sexual orientation, nobody would ask, but if the agency knew they would have to report it.
THE NEXT STEP is finding a social worker, agency, facilitator or attorney best suited to your purposes. Dr. Dean Kirschner, a Maryland-based clinical social worker and psychologist who specializes in adoption and has completed more than 370 home studies, suggests that you pay attention to the feeling you get when you first meet a social worker. "Does the social worker talk to both of you?" Kirschner asks. "Does the social worker ask questions about your relationship (i.e. commitment ceremonies) in a welcoming or judgmental way?"
Those nervous about presentation have gone so far to "hide" a pet, or send them to a friend’s house for the day; this might backfire if the social worker notices the dog’s leash or the cat fur and then wonders what else you are hiding. A social worker’s concern about your 15 large dogs is an opportunity to discuss the situation, not something that automatically disqualifies you. Even legal problems, or a mental or physical health difficulty that is being treated will not necessarily prevent you from adopting, although it may prolong the process.
Often the things you walk into the home study being concerned about (rejection because of sexual orientation or a small apartment) are not the most significant issues of concern for your social worker. Your social worker will be concerned about the communication within your relationship, your childhood history of physical or sexual abuse, your current drinking habits and your values about discipline.
When a home study is done well, you should learn as much about yourself as your social worker learned about you.
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