Children of gay and lesbian parents can meet up with others from similar families at meetings hosted by Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere. (Blade photo by Henry Linser)
COLAGE at MCC
First and third Sundays of the month
474 Ridge St., NW, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. colagedc@yahoo.com or 301-920-1913
www.colage.org
COLAGE partners with MCC
The Washington, D.C., chapter of Children of Lesbians & Gays Everywhere (COLAGE) is initiating a pilot program in partnership with the Washington congregation of the Metropolitan Community Church.
Ryan LaLonde, who founded the local branch of COLAGE in 1998, says that this is the first time a COLAGE chapter has partnered with an MCC. COLAGE has no religious affiliation, which this partnership will not change. Instead, the church will provide the organization with a place to meet on the first and third Sundays of each month, from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.
“It is not faith-based at all, our stuff, so there is no religion, unless the kids bring it up in the context of their lives,” LaLonde, 33, says.
The focus of the workshops will be promoting healthy development. COLAGE plans to help kids learn to deal with stress and oppression and connect to the world around them in ways that will promote self-awareness.
The students will be broken up into three age-based brackets. Children 5 to 8-years-old will be in one group, 8 to 14-year-olds will be in another and teenagers can attend the organization’s leadership meetings instead, so they can learn how to work with younger students or find other activities for themselves.
“It’s going to tweak and change as we go along, but we’re excited about it,” LaLonde says, who’s hoping for a turnout of about 30 at the workshops. For more information, contact LaLonde at ColageDC@yahoo.com.
Dakota Fine, who was born to a lesbian couple 25 years ago after a male friend agreed to donate sperm, has been involved with the group Children of Lesbians & Gays Everywhere (COLAGE) since he was 12. He found the group while researching the subject of gay parents for a science project.
“A lot of times what we lose sight of in the battle for sexual identity is that a lot of people have children, and children have trouble separating their identity from their parents — and that has nothing to do with sexual identity,” Fine says. “When the identity of a parent is threatened, the identity of a child is threatened.”
COLAGE has many goals, but perhaps the primary aim is to give the children of gay parents a safe space to find people that live in similar familial situations.
“All the instructors grew up with an LGBT parent of some sort in our lives. That in itself is somewhat unique,” says Ryan LaLonde, who co-founded the D.C. chapter of COLAGE 10 years ago. He has two moms, both lesbian. “When we tell our story, the kids’ eyes light up like ‘Oh my gosh, someone else feels like this.’”
COLAGE meetings might tackle any issues that the young people face. Although the organization does consider itself a queer one, not every topic they discuss is strictly gay in nature.
“We handle some issues that other groups don’t even want to touch: donor insemination and the issues that come along with finding your donor parents. We do a lot of work on that,” says LaLonde, who’s also gay. “There’s no one except for us dealing with kids with trans parents. It’s very similar to us kids with gay parents [but] it has its own amazingly different nuances that only those kids know about.”
Different racial and ethnic backgrounds are also common in gay families, which result in the need for conversations about racial prejudice among white gay parents.
“What happens if you’re African American and your white dads say something that they don’t consider racist but you consider them racist? How do you call out your own parents?” LaLonde asks. “If you were white and they were white and you called them out it could be a comfortable moment, but if you’re not it could not be.”
Despite a myriad of possible topics, organizing chapter meetings of COLAGE’s youthful members can be a tricky endeavor, LaLonde admits.
“Youth are busy,” he says. “Sometimes basketball takes priority, which is fine. So what happens is that we all go watch basketball or something like that.”
The local chapter is making some changes (see sidebar on page 36) by coordinating with the local branch of gay religious organization the Metropolitan Community Church.
“IT TAKES A VILLAGE” just might
be the unofficial motto of COLAGE, as national executive director Beth Teper laughs gently when asked if there are any drawbacks to the organization’s varied partnerships, which include working with the Family Equality Council, Rainbow Families, Soulforce, the National Black Justice Coalition and the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network.
“I really feel that partnership is the way to go, that none of us can achieve our mission and goals alone,” Teper says. “[Partnering] gathers strength and power for our community and we believe strongly in it.”
COLAGE will be working with Soulforce, a national organization working against religious and political oppression of gays, MCC and the National Black Justice Coalition, a gay civil rights group, on an initiative to have gay families meet and talk with families from Protestant mega-churches.
Teper said more information on the project would be forthcoming, but at the moment would only confirm that Soulforce had reached out to six mega-churches nationwide. The proposed meeting dates are between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day this spring.
This kind of outreach is what distinguishes COLAGE, says Ramzi Fawaz, 24, who has been involved with the group since discovering it at San Francisco Pride four years ago.
“I think they’re thinking critically about what the children of queer parents want in the future rather than going after hot issues with a bandwagon,” Fawaz says.
For Fine, COLAGE gave him a support system during his developmental years.
“It was self-esteem, kind-of,” he says about the benefits of the group. “I often say, I think COLAGE was certainly for me the most important leadership and development track that I ever participated in. I think it continues to be another vital leadership track for youth.”
For other members of COLAGE, its services may come in handy in other ways. LaLonde and his partner have been together for 12 years and are now planning on adopting their own child.
“As much as I think I’m going to be able to relate, it’s going to be totally different,” he says.
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