|
WOODY MILLER
Friday, October 03, 2008
HEY
WOODY!
I’ve
pretty
much
lost
all
hope
of
ever
meeting
anyone
for
a
meaningful
relationship.
It’s
been
10
years
since
I
last
dated
anyone
(I’m
38).
It’s
been
so
long
since
I
last
had
sex
I
can’t
even
remember
who
or
when
it
was.
Until
recently,
I
went
out
every
weekend
and
had
profiles
on
almost
all
the
social
networking
sites,
gay
and
straight.
I
know
that
going
out
to
the
club
isn’t
the
best
place
to
meet
someone,
but
I
don’t
live
in
a
huge
gay
mecca.
There
aren’t
gay
coffee
shops
or
restaurants
to
frequent.
When
I
do
go
out
I’m
never
even
looked
at.
Physically
I’m
no
Adonis
but
it’s
not
like
I
need
to
be
rolled
back
out
to
sea
either.
I
think
I’m
a
very
friendly
person
with
a
big
heart
and
great
sense
of
humor
but
it’s
hard
for
that
to
shine
through
on
profiles.
I
think
part
of
my
problem
is
that
I’ve
just
accepted
that
I
will
be
alone
for
the
rest
of
my
life.
But
it’s
hard
not
to
have
that
mentality
when
it
seems
no
one
is
interested.
In
a
couple
of
years
I
will
be
40
and
I
just
feel
that
by
then
it
will
all
be
over.
I’ve
even
advertised
on
Craig’s
List,
offering
to
give
oral
with
no
reciprocation
required
…
and
still
nothing.
If
I
can’t
even
give
away
a
blowjob
how
can
I
get
anyone
interested
in
me
for
more?
All
Hope
Lost
DEAR
LOST:
I
ached
when
I
read
this.
Your
heart’s
broken
in
so
many
pieces
your
e-mail
jingled
when
I
opened
it.
Sadly,
it’s
all
because
you’ve
bought
into
a
false
premise
—
the
one
that
says
if
you
just
go
to
the
right
bar
you’ll
find
HIM.
That
if
you
just
wore
something
better,
drove
something
newer,
said
something
smarter,
HE
would
magically
appear.
That
if
you
earned
more
or
looked
hotter
HE
would
save
you.
Or
at
least
buy
you
a
drink.
Well,
HE
won’t.
Part
of
being
single
is
learning
how
to
handle
that
awful
truth.
Nobody
is
coming
to
rescue
you.
However,
you
can
rescue
yourself
— and
get
a
relationship
—
if
you’d
repair
the
fatal
flaw
in
your
thinking.
See,
boyfriends
don’t
bring
happiness;
happiness
brings
boyfriends.
And
you’re
about
as
happy
as
Kate
Moss
with
blocked
nostrils.
Until
you
really
“get”
that
happiness
brings
boyfriends,
not
the
other
way
around,
you’re
doomed
to
singlehood
—
or
worse,
honkin’
bad
boyfriends.
So,
instead
of
looking
for
a
husband,
get
yourself
ready
for
one.
How?
With
a
romance
douche.
You
don’t
want
anybody
dating
you
when
you’re
feeling
crappy
between
your
ears.
That’s
why
you
need
something
that’ll
flush
out
your
system
so
you
don’t
drive
away
potential
husbands,
or
worse,
stain
something
valuable.
A
romance
douche
is
simply
what
I
call
a
“time
out.”
A
break
from
boyfriend
hunting.
A
three-to-six
month
holiday
to
build
stronger
connections
with
friends
and
family,
with
hobbies
and
sports.
A
leave
of
absence
from
the
back-breaking
work
of
scaring
up
a
partner
so
you
can
cultivate
passions
and
involve
yourself
with
things
that
make
you
interesting,
and
dare
I
say
it,
happy.
Let
the
sabbatical
be
your
enema
and
I
promise
you’ll
have
so
many
guys
applying
for
the
husband
job
you’ll
have
to
put
up
a
sign
that
says,
“Line
forms
in
the
rear.”
Reach
Woody
at
his
new
blog:
www.mikealvear.com
|
 |
