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WOODY MILLER
Friday, May 02, 2008
Hey Woody!
I love giving head, but I have a horrible gag reflex. I’ve thrown up when doctors try to get a swab near my tonsils.
It’s so embarrassing — I gag when I barely have a guy in my mouth. I’m 19 and don’t have tons of experience. What can I do to get rid of my gag reflex?
Dear Choking,
When you give head, your bedroom should sound like half-price day at the liposuction center, not visitor’s day at a TB ward. So you’re right to be concerned.
I mean, who wants to be known as the guy who gives Canadian blowjobs? You know — well meaning, but dull.
You’ve got two options: Numb the back of your throat with a prescription anesthetic like lidocaine, or train your throat to relax. Numbing your throat completely takes away the gag reflex so you can give porn-quality head, but there’s one little problem: The possibility of choking to death when you eat food.
You can also try over-the-counter anesthetic sprays like Benzocaine. They’re not nearly as powerful, but there’s no risk of choking. Still, numbing your throat is a temporary fix.
The best way to make sure the Buick goes all the way into the garage is to train your throat to relax. Here’s how:
Figure out your trigger point. Start by touching the tip of your tongue with your finger. Keep advancing to the point where you first begin to gag. That’s your trigger point.
Touch the trigger point with a cool object. Cold numbs the throat a bit, so try a popsicle with a condom on it (in case a piece breaks off into your windpipe) or a soft dildo that’s been in the freezer for 10-15 minutes.
Do NOT use a banana. The abrasive ends are not throat-friendly.
Anyway, touch your trigger point. Yes, you’re going to gag, so just do it for a few seconds. After a few days, you’ll gag less and less. Like I do with every new story about Britney Spears.
After a while, your trigger point retreats. Now you’ve got a new starting point.
Repeat the process. Keep moving the trigger point further and further back. Eventually you’ll be able to touch the back of your throat. Don’t rush and don’t get discouraged. This isn’t something you can do in a couple of days. Plan on a month.
Once your trigger point goes past your uvula, it’s time to practice with a live penis:
Line up your throat and mouth to form a straight line. Your throat and mouth naturally form an “L”-shaped angle. Unless he’s shaped like an isosceles triangle, it ain’t going in very far. Get on your back with your head hanging off the edge of the bed, and you’ll get into proper alignment.
Open Wide & Say “Ahhhhh.” Pretend your doctor is about to use the tongue depressor on you. Say “Ahhh,” and your mouth will be ready.
Warning: Deep-throating completely blocks your windpipe. You won’t be able to breathe through your mouth or your nose. Make sure your partner knows to pull back frequently so you can breathe.
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