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Goin’ to the chapel

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Maybe it’s because they already lived together. Maybe it’s because they were already registered as domestic partners. Or it could just be that they were in their 30s. But for two D.C. same-sex couples planning to take advantage of the District’s newly won marriage law — set to take effect next month barring congressional intervention — popping the proverbial question was more of a logical progression in a series of ever-increasing commitments as opposed to a starry-eyed shock.

Both couples were making plans before Mayor Adrian Fenty signed the Council-approved same-sex marriage bill in December. Aisha Mills, 32, and her partner of six years, Danielle Moodie, 30, have lived together for four years in Columbia Heights and started thinking marriage last May when the Council passed a measure recognizing same-sex marriages performed in other jurisdictions.

“It was a little bit of happenstance that our engagement coordinated with that,” Mills says. “As we thought about picking a date, we weren’t realizing that D.C. would have marriage soon.”

The two, who met through mutual friends at Chaos, planned to wed in Connecticut, where same-sex marriage is legal, then have it recognized in Washington.

By the time Paul Heins, 36, asked Matt DelNero, 33, to marry him at Blue Duck Tavern in D.C.’s west end in August, 2008, they were on their second home and had been together about eight years.

“Paul asked me just after my birthday and of course I said yes,” DelNero says. “At this point there was no doubt. We’d already established a life, bought a condo, he got me a ring, then I followed up later with a ring for him.”

The two met in 2001. DelNero, a telecommunications attorney, was in law school in Boston but spent the summer of 2001 in Washington. He went on a date with a friend of Heins’ but they didn’t hit it off. He soon met Heins, a musician, and the possibility for something long term became apparent.

“Not to sound corny, but we knew pretty quickly that we had each found the one,” DelNero says. “Everything proceeded quite naturally from that.”

Their first two years together were long distance. Twice monthly they’d take turns visiting each other in Boston and Washington. Those were happy but also slightly frustrating times.

“Those were the first two years of our relationship so there’s always that va va va voom factor,” Heins says. “It made those weekends all the more special and passionate and exciting.”

“But it also put pressure on those times because you wanted it all to work out,” DelNero says. “You wouldn’t want to squabble on those days.”

Living in the same town and house made sense, they say.

“It just got sort of more natural and normal being in the same space,” DelNero says.

“It’s nice,” Heins adds, “to be able to enjoy each other every day.”

Marriage options increased over time. In the early years after Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage, it wasn’t an option for out-of-state couples. That eventually changed and the couple considered marrying there and, like Mills and Moodie, having it recognized in D.C. But getting married at home is more meaningful, both couples say.

“We were there when Council voted and it was extremely exciting,” Moodie, who works for New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, says. “That 11 of the members had voted for marriage was extremely exciting and not at all surprising because D.C. is very progressive … we were thrilled to be able to get married at home.”

DelNero and Heins had been exploring venues in Massachusetts when D.C. approved its new law.

“We feel lucky and excited to get married in our own jurisdiction,” Heins says.

Mills is the president of the Campaign for All D.C. Families and was active in the effort to secure same-sex marriage rights in Washington. She’d previously worked for Human Rights Campaign. She’s confident the law will go into effect as expected in March.

“We have certainly done our due diligence with our friends on Capitol Hill,” she says. “They’ve repeatedly told us they support home rule and there’s no sign of any real energy in supporting any type of intervention on Capitol Hill.”

DelNero and Heins weren’t directly involved, though they’ve donated money to activist causes.

“We’re very aware that we’re benefitting from other people’s hard work and we’re grateful for that,” DelNero says.

Neither couple has chosen a date but both say their weddings will be sometime this year. Mills and Moodie plan to get legally married in D.C. but have a small ceremony in Long Island, where Moodie’s from. They’re thinking late spring/early summer. They’re not religious but will have an interfaith minister preside. They each plan to wear gowns and have a maid of honor but not a large wedding party. They’re writing their own vows.

“For us it’s really important for our wedding to be a reflection of our lives together,” Moodie says. “So yes, we’ll have a small bridal party but not in cookie cutter dresses and outfits following us around. It will be people who’ve been really instrumental in our relationship being successful. We’re very involved in how we want our ceremony to look. Not, ‘Do you take so-and-so,’-insert-name-here-type of ceremony. It will be very much created for the two of us.”

DelNero and Heins joke that their engagement has been prolonged because there’s no bride to take over the planning. They recently started attending a Lutheran church near their Beekman Place residence but aren’t sure if they’ll get married there or at another church. They can’t remember offhand what all they’ve discussed.

“Oh, what we’re going to wear. We talked about that a little, didn’t we Paul?,” DelNero says. “I think we said simple elegant suits rather than tuxes.”

Heins says he likes the thought of getting a new suit but says it’s not as important as who’s there.

They slip into finishing-each-other’s-sentences-mode when describing their ceremony.

“We do know it will be a relatively small gathering,” DelNero says. “We’ve been to a lot of weddings that …” He pauses to think of the right word and Heins finishes — “That have been ostentatious,” Heins says.

“The ones we’ve really enjoyed have been the celebrations of couples with their family and friends that aren’t so much … ” DelNero says, “… the glitz and glamour,” Heins interjects, “… overdone and, how to put it, overstated,” DelNero finishes. “But meaningful,” Heins adds.

They’re forgoing a gift registry and asking for donations to charity instead. They also say they feel guilty spending a lot of money to rent a large reception hall.

“We would like it to be simple,” Heins says. “Not cheap, but not so outrageous that it’s out of context with our lives in the world.”

The couples also agree that domestic partnerships didn’t cut it for them even though many of the legal rights are the same.

“Everyone knows what marriage means,” Moodie says. “You walk in a store with a wedding band and say, ‘No, I’m DP’ed, it means this, it means that. I still have to make adjustments but everybody knows the weight, recognition and value that comes with marriage.”

“We tried separate but equal before and we know it doesn’t work,” Mills says.

Entering a domestic partnership was anticlimactic for the men.

“What’s funny is we both met at an office at lunchtime in this stark room,” Heins says. “We signed some paper, said, ‘OK,’ and went on our separate ways. I don’t think we even had lunch together.”

“It certainly didn’t feel like a marriage and we didn’t treat it like one,” DelNero says.

Ultimately, though, it’s love that drives these relationships.

Moodie says “a lot of compromise” has sustained her relationship with Mills, who calls it “a genuine partnership.”

“We just knew early on this was it for the two of us. We were head-over-heels in love, knew this was our feeling and were ready for the ultimate commitment,” Mills says.

“It’s hard to put into words or define something that just fits,” DelNero says.

“There are just so many things we do together that really work for us,” Heins says. “The times we’re silly, the times we’re serious, the kinds of jokes we tell, the silly voices we use, the kinds of things I see other couples interact and I don’t necessarily see that, though maybe they have their own little quirks and things. When Matt and I are together, it’s like our language, verbal and nonverbal.”

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Bars & Parties

MAL kicks off Jan. 11 with Bootcamp

Mid-Atlantic Leather begins with party at Bunker

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MAL Weekend kicks off next week. (Image courtesy of Bunker)

Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend arrives next week with a kickoff event Thursday, Jan. 11 from 10 p.m.-3 a.m. at Bunker. Organizers at Kinetic promise a surprise drill sergeant who will whip you into shape. Joshua Ruiz DJs the event. This event is for VIP pass holders only; visit kineticpresents.com for details.

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Bars & Parties

A roundup of New Year’s Eve parties in D.C.

Celebrate the start of 2024 in style

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Xavier Entertainment LLC will host the seventh annual Times Square NYE Celebration at 10 p.m. at Ivy City Smokehouse. Tickets start at $20 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.

New Year’s Eve 2024 at Lost Society will be at 7 p.m. at Lost Society. There will be unique entertainment all night along with a journey of the senses through captivating light shows and LED displays, music, and bottle service presentations throughout the evening. Tickets start at $25 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.

Busboys and Poets will host New Year’s Eve Open Mic and Party at 10 p.m. at 2021 14th St., N.W. This will be an evening of poetry, live DJ, dancing, food, and good company in a vibrant atmosphere where local artists take the stage, showcasing their talents in various genres. The night will be hosted by the talented Charity Blackwell and will feature award-winning poet Black Chakra. Dyanna Monet will deejay. Tickets start at $15 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

QueerTalk DC will host Sapphic New Year’s Celebration at 8 p.m. at FigLeaf Bar & Lounge. The event will celebrate Sapphic, trans, and non-binary communities and feature complimentary hors D’oeuvres, a Champagne toast and DJ sets by DJ Clamazon and DJ Q. For more details, visit Eventbrite

The Queers Upstairs will host Heels & Ties: A Queer New Years Eve Surprise at 9 p.m. at Aliceanna Social Club. This evening will be an unforgettable LGBTQ New Year’s Eve party where you can sip your favorite cocktails and enjoy small bites while dancing the night away with music from DJ Rosie & DJ Missy. Tickets start at $30 and can purchased on Eventbrite

BuffBoyzz Gay-Friendly Male Strip Clubs will host a male revue that caters to men and women at 8 p.m. at Buffboyzz Male Strippers. The event will be an exciting, entertaining and sexy show of exotic male dancers in that will entertain your pants off. Tickets start at $10 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

International Events Washington DC will host the 2024 Black Tie New Year’s Eve Gala at 7:30 p.m. at the Willard InterContinental Washington, D.C. There will be free-flowing Champagne, an open bar, a spectacular balloon drop in the Euro Discotheque Ballroom and live bands and DJs. For dinner, guests can choose from an elegant sit-down, three-course dinner with Champagne or a dinner buffet of international cuisine. Tickets start at $189 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.

Social Architects will host the 12th Annual New Year’s Eve Casino Night at 8 p.m. at the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Arlington, Va. There will be six rooms of entertainment spread across three floors. The DJs will spin hip hop, R&B, salsa, Afrobeats and old school music. Tickets start at $60 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

Pitchers and A League of Her Own will host a NYE party with complimentary Champagne toast at midnight, party favors, and a DJ all night long.

Shaker’s plans a drag extravaganza with Tatianna and Crystal Edge among others starting at 10:30 p.m.; the $10 cover includes a glass of Champagne. 

Bunker hosts a 12-hour masquerade ball with several DJs, including Joe Gauthreaux. The party starts at 9 p.m. and goes until 9 a.m. on Jan. 1. Tickets start at $45 and are available at bunkerdc.com.

DJ Alex Love spins NYE at Dirty Goose with drink specials at midnight.

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Bars & Parties

Labor Day sees return of SunFestival to Rehoboth Beach

DJs, live auction, comedy and more planned for end-of-summer bash

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A scene from previous SunFestival celebrations. (Blade file photo by Daniel Truitt)

Labor Day Weekend in Rehoboth Beach brings more than the end of summer — it brings the annual SunFestival celebration benefitting CAMP Rehoboth.

The weekend promises two nights of revelry with entertainers and nationally known DJs creating the “ultimate party to close out summer” Sept. 2-3.

Saturday’s $45 general admission tickets are sold out but you can join a waitlist at the event’s website. That ticket grants you access to a comedy show and an auction where you can bid on six experiences like an eight-day boat tour through Belgium and the Netherlands or a week’s stay in Lisbon, Portugal. Organizations have donated these experiences to CAMP to auction off, with all proceeds going to the organization.

The $95 pass to both nights is also sold out. But general admission tickets for the Sept. 3 dance party starting at 7 p.m. with DJs Robbie Leslie and Joe Gauthreaux remain available. CAMP Rehoboth promises a “state-of-the-art club-like atmosphere,” with new design elements and video imaging.

Visit camprehoboth.com for tickets and more information. The weekend’s schedule is below:

Saturday, Sept. 2: A Night of Comedy, Drag, and Song, plus a LIVE Auction! (Doors Open at 6:30 p.m. Auction and show promptly start at 7:30 p.m.) Featuring Dixie Longate and Randy Roberts.

Serving up Tupperware lady realness, join in Dixie’s living room party and all its hilarity. Randy Roberts brings thrills with uncanny impersonations of iconic female vocalists and cabaret.

Experience a night filled with laughter and song as these talented performers will lift your spirits and tickle your funny bone. And not to be missed: the live auction. Check out the live auction items camprehoboth.com/sunfest2023live.

Sunday Sept. 3: A Night of Dance. (Doors open at 7 p.m. Dance ends at 1 a.m.) Featuring DJ Robbie Leslie and DJ Joe Gauthreaux.

Both DJs will offer an unforgettable musical journey starting with classic mirror ball memories, dance floor anthems, and the latest club beats, according to a CAMP Rehoboth statement. Events are held at the Rehoboth Beach Convention Center, which CAMP promises will be transformed “into the ultimate dance party to close out the summer.”

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