Another problem with the q word is that, having been used as a hate term during violent attacks, many of us who have been bashed, re-experience that violent attack when we see or hear that word. Hopefully you have never been bashed, but many of us who have been, experience various degrees of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and certain situations and words trigger mental flashbacks and resulting physiological responses including the fight or flight response. Actual physiological changes take place, and they are not healthy. My triggers include parking lots after dark, as well as the words “queer” and “fag”. With time and years of therapy, I had hoped the PTSD response would entirely fade away, but now, 33 years since the first of my 3 bashings, I still experience a rush of the anxiety, flashback, and resulting blood pressure and hormonal changes associated with PTSD every time I hear or see “queer”, no matter how it is used. My adrenaline and the over 50 other hormonal changes that result, are still not back to normal after reading this article. And I know I am not alone in that. It remains a trigger for many of us. And that applies to those of us who were recently bashed as well as those who were bashed a long time ago, so it is not a generational thing, but something that continues to cause harm to gay people today.

I hope this helps you understand why many of us don’t accept the q word and helps explain why a hate term can never be fully “reclaimed”, and why we need to use positive terms to describe ourselves.