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Best of Gay D.C.: People

Blade readers vote for their favorite people in the Washington LGBT community

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Holly Twyford, Studio Theatre, Dirt, gay news, Washington Blade
Tom Goss, music, gay news, Washington Blade, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Musician: Tom Goss (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Musician: Tom Goss

Ba'Naka, Town, gay news, drag queen, Washington Blade, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Drag Queen: Ba’Naka Deveraux (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Drag Queen: Ba’Naka Devereaux
Ladies of Town

Liz Warner-Osborne, fitness, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Personal Trainer: Liz Warner-Osborne (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Personal Trainer: Liz Warner-Osborne

Jeffrey Johnson, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Actor: Jeffrey Johnson (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Actor: Jeffrey Johnson
AKA Special Agent Galactica

 

Holly Twyford, Dirt, Studio Theatre, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Actress: Holly Twyford (Photo courtesy of Studio Theatre)

Best Actress: Holly Twyford

Brent Minor, Team DC, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Committed Activist: Brent Minor (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Most Committed Activist: Brent Minor

Barney Frank, Democratic Party, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Gay Politician: Barney Frank (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Gay Politician: Rep. Barney Frank

U.S. House of Representatives (D-Mass.)

Julie Oleson, Baltimore Charm, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Amateur Athlete: Julie Oleson (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Amateur Athlete: Julie Oleson 

Julie Oleson is a rookie tight end who’s been training with the Baltimore Charm of the Lingerie Football League for the past seven months (final cuts are made before the start of the next season). Oleson says she was, “humbled enough being nominated for the award of ‘Best Amateur athlete’ and is blown away winning it.”

The Baltimore Charm is a third year franchise of the Lingerie Football League. The league is made up of several seven-on-seven women’s tackle football teams. Mitch Mortaza created the LFL in 2009 and games can be watched on MTV 2 on Friday nights. The Charm joined the league for the 2010-2011 season and last year they finished the season with a 2-2 record. Of course they are hoping to get past that .500 mark this season. The Charm plays their home games at First Mariner Arena in Baltimore. (JH)

Baltimore Charm

Brandon Hoover, Zoe salon, Best of Gay D.C., gay news, Washington Blade

Best Stylist: Brandon Hoover (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Stylist: Brandon Hoover — Zoe Salon and Spa

Brandon Hoover has been working at ZOE Salon and Spa in Fairfax for three-and-a-half years.

“It’s great,” he says of winning this award. “I’m amazed at how many D.C. residents come to Fairfax to see me.”

His favorite part of being a stylist is the client interaction and the creative outlet it gives him. Many of his clients leave looking completely different after each visit.

“I love encouraging self confidence and making beautiful women even more beautiful,” Hoover says.

This comes to light when he mentions the Pink Hair for Promise program that Zoe is participating in. From now until Feb. 2013, clients can pay $10 to get a pink hair extension, $9 of which goes toward the D.C. Breast Cancer walk. Last year the salon raised $19,000.

In the short time he’s been at Zoe, he has been featured in a national hairstyling collection, and been nominated for a Trend visions award in photo editorial and hair editorial.

If Hoover could do any celebrity’s hair, it would definitely be Lady Gaga.

“Hands down. I am the biggest little monster.” (JE)

Zoe Salon and Spa
11906 Lee Jackson Memorial Hwy
Fairfax, Virginia 22033

Ray Gernhart, realtor, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Realtor: Ray Gernhart (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Realtor: Ray Gernhart

Ray Gernhart has been in the real estate business for 25 years. He started in 1985 and since then has coordinated thousands of home sales. He specializes in residential and commercial sales in the D.C., Alexandria and Arlington areas.

He has earned top honors in many areas including a Lifetime Achievement Award, Re/Max Hall of Fame member, Re/Max Platinum Club and the $20 Million Plus Sales Producer since 1999 with the Northern Virginia and Greater Capitol Area Association of Realtors.

Gernhart’s office is located at 5100 Leesburg Pike in Alexandria and he and his team are members of the Re/Max Allegiance.

For more information on Gernhart and his team, visit talktoray.com. (JE)

Ray Gernhart and Associates
5100 Leesburg Pike
Alexandria, VA 22302

Chuck Bell, NBC4, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best LGBT TV Personality: Chuck Bell (Washington Blade photo by Jonathan Ellis)

Best LGBT TV Personality: Chuck Bell – NBC4

Chuck Bell has been a meteorologist at NBC4 in D.C. since October 2004.

“It’s fascinating that I would be recognized for that,” Bell says of winning this award. “It’s very flattering. I’m pleasantly surprised that people are taking note. I’m very excited by it.”

His most memorable local weather event was the blizzard in February 2010.

“For better or worse, I’m a weather extremes person. I like it most if it’s a record high or record low, record rainfall or record snowfall,” Bell says. “I realize that every day can’t be a record … My favorite weather is always going to be the weather that most people don’t like.” (JE)

Brock Thompson, Library of Congress, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Hill Staffer: Brock Thompson (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Hill Staffer: Brock Thompson

Brock Thompson has been working at the Library of Congress since the day after President Obama’s inauguration. He previously worked in the Senate.

“Having your finger on the pulse of the political atmosphere and political scene,” Thompson says is the best part of working on the Hill. “With the Library, it’s the nation’s oldest cultural institution so we get to promote and display our national treasures for everyone to see and enjoy. I never get tired of doing that.”

He’s president of the Library’s LGBT employees group, LC GLOBE. The group has increased membership and programming. The group has also started a rare book fund for rare LGBT books and materials to be added to the library’s LGBT collection.

His book, “The Un-Natural State: Arkansas and the Queer South,” a study of gay and lesbian life in Arkansas in the 20th century, was published in 2010 and can be purchased at Amazon. He is also a member of the Rainbow History Project’s board of directors, which he joined in 2011. (JE)

David Aponte, George Washington University, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Student Leader: David Aponte (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Student Leader: David Aponte — George Washington University

Virginia native David Aponte became interested in LGBT issues after learning what some teens were going through in school. He had been bullied in elementary and middle school for his religion, because he wasn’t tall and because his fellow students said he acted too intelligent. He wanted to keep others from feeling that pain.

“As a straight ally myself, a lot of us don’t speak up enough for communities that we don’t identify with,” Aponte says. “I think with the LGBT community, there’s a lot going on right now and people don’t understand what’s going on in that community. It’s important that we advocate for that.”

Aponte is the co-chair of GLSEN’s National Advisory Council and is the chair of the Northern Virginia chapter.

Aponte recently hosted an event with GLSEN for the organizations “Ally Week.” The event was mainly for high school students and had an open mic, dinner and dance.

He’s a junior at George Washington University majoring in integrated information science and technology, a special program geared toward people who are already working. (JE)

Best Masseur/Body Worker: Nildo Silva

It’s hard to stick with a fitness regimen. But, working with an experienced certified personal trainer like Nildo Silva can make that hard work seem almost enjoyable.

After a stint at Tranquil Space, Silva is now working at the popular FIT Personal Training Gym in Dupont Circle. He has multiple certifications and has been in the industry for 15 years, having worked in gyms in several countries.

A favorite with LGBT patrons, Silva is praised for both his persistence and his patience. He is noted for being knowledgeable, friendly and approachable and for his ability to work with both novice and experienced clients. He teaches individual and group personal training sessions, calisthenics and aerobics classes, and “Localizada,” a new style of group resistance training. (BTC)

Nildo Silva
FIT Personal Training Gym
1633 Q Street, NW Suite 110
202-255-7814

David Catania, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Local Hero: David Catania (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Local Hero: David Catania

David Catania made history when he was the first openly gay person elected to D.C. Council in 1997 and he’s been making waves ever since.

Catania was initially elected as a Republican, but he has since broken with the party. In 2004, Catania left the GOP after President George W. Bush announced his support for a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. Catania was decertified as a delegate to the Republican National Convention and announced his support for the Democratic candidate, John Kerry. In September 2004, he became an independent and still serves as an At-Large Council member in that capacity.

Catania is well known for his work on health care, including tackling the HIV/AIDS epidemic, education, housing, public safety and economic empowerment. In 2009, he became the driving force behind a D.C. same-sex marriage bill. The passage of the “Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Equality Amendment Act” on March 3, 2010 was hailed as both a personal and political victory for the often controversial Catania. (BTC)

David Catania

David Chung, Nellie's Sports Bar, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Bartender: David Chung (Washington Blade photo by Pete Exis)

Best Bartender: David Chung

Sadly, this award is being given posthumously — David Chung, who tended bar at Nellie’s, committed suicide in July.

Chung’s friend Zachary Wine said Chung had been battling suicidal tendencies. Wine told the Blade that he decided to publicly discuss Chung’s suicide as a way to help others who may want to take their own lives. “If you care about someone, tell them. If you can’t tell them, show them,” Wine says. “If you can’t show them, make yourself find a way to let the people you care about know, and never stop. I myself am horrible about showing my emotions, but it’s only through being there for someone that we can try to make sure this tragedy doesn’t happen again.”

Friends, family and patrons recalled Chung warmly, remembering his infectious smile and friendly manner. Wine eulogized his friend by saying, “he was one of the most caring individuals I’ve ever had the grace to know. And he carried that not just to the people he was close with, but the people he didn’t know.” (BTC)

DJ Rosie, Rosie Hicks, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best DJ: Rosie Hicks (Washington Blade photo by Blake Bergen)

Best DJ: Rosie Hicks

Popular DJ Rosie Hicks has a very full dance card these days. On the first Friday of every month she hosts Flirt Fridays at Phase 1 of Dupont. On the third Saturday, she plays for BARE (presented by the Ladies of LURe) at Cobalt. And, on the first, second and third Thursday of each month, she plays for Hip Hop Night at Club Hippo in Baltimore.

The native Baltimore resident is known for spinning a diverse blend of hip hop, top 40 and old school.

In her day job, Hicks works as a special education teacher at the Kennedy Krieger Center, where she “helps children with special needs reach their full potential.” She has a master’s in special education from Johns Hopkins University and an undergraduate degree in electronic media and film from Towson University. (BTC)

Aiden Cox, Drag King, Kings of D.C., Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Drag King: Aiden Cox (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Drag King: Aidan Cox

Aidan Cox is often described as a drag king stripper and admits he likes to take his clothes off.

“I’m a little different than other drag kings,” he says. “I sometimes do a tribal design on my chest and show the tape that binds my chest and I wear different pairs of little boy underwear. A lot of times I strip down to my underwear.”

Cox began performing in 2009 after reading about drag kings online and watching their videos on YouTube. Then Cox discovered the website for the D.C. Kings. Aidan started talking to Ken Vegas who invited him to attend a meeting.

For Cox, the magic started when he first performed in December 2009. “The stage has made me a new person,” he says. “Once you step into that light you get this amazing rush and you can’t help but want to keep going back for more.”

When not on stage, Cox, who identifies as queer, is working on a degree in counseling and hopes to work as a counselor for LGBT people. (BTC)

Aidan Cox
Dckings.com

Raymond Panas, George Washington University, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Educator: Raymond Panas (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Educator: Raymond Panas

Perhaps the best lesson Ray Panas offers his students at George Washington University is his ability to juggle his work as an educator, a researcher and an activist.

The popular instructor started teaching at GW in August 2009. He serves as an assistant professor in the Department of Clinical Research in the School of Medicine and Health Sciences.

As a researcher, Panas worked at the Allegheny County Public Health Labs in Pittsburgh and wrote a primer on AIDS Testing and Counseling for the Allegheny County Health Department. Panas is now director of medical and scientific affairs at Sucampo Pharmaceutical in Bethesda.

As an activist, Panas has been active in a variety of LGBT and HIV/AIDS groups. He has been on the board of Capital Pride since 2009 and currently serves as the organization’s secretary. He is also an active long-time member of Dignity/Washington, a community of LGBT Catholics. Panas was president of the group from 2007-2010. (BTC)

Best Rehoboth Bartender: Christopher Chandler

This was a close contest, with last year’s winner, Jamie Romano of Purple Parrot, and the multi-talented Holly Lane of Café Azafran, finishing just behind winner Chris Chandler of the Blue Moon. A Blue Moon fixture, Chandler (as he’s known to regulars) is known for his friendly smile, an uncanny memory (he’s usually mixing your drink before you order it) and, of course, his CrossFit-honed physique. Whether you visit the Moon on a packed summer weekend or a frigid, quiet February night, Chandler’s usually there to welcome you.

Congratulations, Chandler, but a piece of advice: If you want to retain the title next year, try mastering Jamie’s impressive rainbow shot or belting out show tunes while mixing drinks like Holly. (KN)

Blue Moon
35 Baltimore Ave.
Rehoboth Beach, DE 19971

Katy Ray, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Local Heroine: Katy Ray (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Local Heroine: Katy Ray

Katy Ray is perhaps best known as a promoter for Phase 1. In that role, she proudly hosts and publicizes events for the country’s longest-operating lesbian bar. She got her start shortly after she moved here from Richmond.

“I was new to D.C. and saw the ad for their karaoke night. It said if you bring 16 friends, you get a $25 bar tab. Well, I know how to network. I set up an event on my Facebook page and decided to make it a Lady Gaga night.”

About 80 people showed up and the night was a great success. Angela Lombardi, manager of Phase 1, asked Ray, a lesbian, if she wanted to host karaoke on a regular basis. Ray said yes, and the monthly event is now a fixture on the D.C. lesbian social calendar. Ray generally organizes each evening around a theme and she is already looking forward to the holiday lingerie party in December.

Ray, who works as a high school teacher by day, established a Gay-Straight Alliance at her school and teaches straight students that they can work as allies. Last summer she worked with LGBT school liaisons from across the city to develop educational materials for the D.C. Public School system. She encourages her students “not to take crap from anyone and to own who they are.” (BTC)

Katy Ray
Phase1dc.com

Joe Palacios, Georgetown, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Clergy: Joe Palacios (Washington Blade photo by Jonathan Ellis)

Best Clergy: Rev. Joseph Palacios

Joe Palacios is a Catholic priest on inactive status.

He’s a professor at Georgetown University where he has taught sociology and mentored many young gay men. He is vice president of The Center and celebrates Mass with Dignity Washington and Northern Virginia. Many know him politically from Catholics for Equality with which he worked on the marriage campaign in D.C. and now in Maryland, Maine, Minnesota and Washington State.

Authenticity matters, Palacios says. When entering the seminary at 32 in 1983, he presented himself as gay, celibate and willing to abide by the rules. Years later at Georgetown, he discovered that he was one of very few Latino professors and that there were a lot of gay students on campus. This reinforced his commitment to authenticity in his teaching, ministries, academic research and political activism. To be anything less than authentic, he says, would be shortchanging both himself and those around him in their own quests for authenticity. (PF)

Mara Keisling, National Center for Transgender Equality, NCTE, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Trans Advocate: Mara Keisling (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Trans Advocate: Mara Keisling

Mara Keisling once told the Blade that she would walk through hot coals for “anything she believed in.” Her indefatigable pursuit of transgender equality, make us believe her.

As founding executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality, Keisling (a transgender woman and parent) is one of the country’s leading voices for transgender rights. Her work with the Center (which Keisling helped found in 2003) has involved several prominent achievements including the first-ever trans-inclusive federal legislation, modification of State Department rules for changing gender markers on passports and the first congressional hearing on transgender issues.

In a recent interview with her alma mater, Penn State University, Keisling said, “almost anytime anything gets done for transgender people or for LGBT people, as a whole, we get calls from people saying, ‘Yes, but I still don’t have a job.’”  She and the Center are working to change this. (PF)

Douglas Warren Shantz, Doug Shantz, Nellie's Sports Bar, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Businessperson: Douglas Warren Shantz (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Businessperson: Douglas Schantz

Douglas Schantz, a self-proclaimed StairMaster champion, is the owner-operator of Nellie’s Sports Bar, which opened on U Street in 2007.

The win this year came as a surprise to Schantz, especially since he’s doing what he loves.

“I’ve always been an entrepreneur at heart and Nellie’s allows me to express that,” he says.

Schantz opened the bar, named after his great- and great-great grandmothers, with Rocio Anzola-Mendez after becoming friends when they worked together previously.

“I’m very in touch with my family’s genealogy,” Schantz says about the name, his favorite thing about the bar. “It seemed like a fun and natural fit.”

It’s to be expected that if any of the local teams has a televised game — professional or collegiate — it will be shown at the bar and big events, such as playoff games and tournaments, will be on the stadium-sized viewing screen. There’s no limit to which sports they’ll show.

“Every sport is my favorite to watch, duh,” Schantz says.

The bar also has regular events such as Drag Bingo, Drag Brunch, “Beat-the-Clock” happy hour, “Golden Girls” watch party and more.

Before opening Nellie’s, Schantz worked at advertising agencies in Chicago, New York, San Francisco and Washington. (JE)

Nellie’s Sports Bar
900 U St., N.W.
202-332-6355

Brett Johnson, Cobalt, Washington Blade, gay news, Best of Gay D.C.

Best Straight Ally: Brett Johnson (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Best Straight Ally: Brett Johnson

Brett Johnson started working at Level One about three years ago as a server. She steadily worked her way up the ranks becoming a bartender, then assistant manager and finally general manager.

Through her job, she meets and interacts with people all the time.

“A lot of this year has been hard on a lot of my friends and a lot of my clients or customers … we’ve become really close and we’re there for each other … it’s kind of an award that validates everything that happened,” Johnson says. “I really appreciate it. I love the people that voted for me.”

She says that interaction and even the interaction between customers is one of the best parts of working at the restaurant. She once had a friend take a customer to JR.’s because he wanted to go, but didn’t want to go alone.

“They meet the staff and they meet other people sitting at the bar then they feel completely comfortable going upstairs,” Johnson says. “It just builds a community.”

Johnson became interested in LGBT rights in high school when her older brother came out. She started a gay-straight alliance in her high school and worked on a bullying and harassment policy in Omaha, Neb. She’s worked with several organizations through her job at Level One, including the Mautner Project and the Gay Men’s Chorus. (JE)

Level One
1639 R Street, NW
202-745-0025

 

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Real Estate

Don’t procrastinate buying your home

Some experts predict rates will fall in June

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Spring is in the air and it’s a great time to buy a new home.

As springtime fills the air, cherry blossoms are blooming, much of the year still lies ahead and many have started to think about how they are progressing with their 2024 goals. If the dream of buying a house was put on hold when the interest rates went from 3% to almost 8%, and life got in the way of an idea that had gotten onto your to-do list, maybe now is the time to dust it off. 

Mortgage lender Tina Del Casale from Sandy Spring Bank says, “There is still hope the Fed will be happy with inflation numbers by June to finally pull the trigger on lowering interest rates.”  

The rates might not be as low as they were in 2021, but historically, they are still not as high as they were 20 years ago. Some people’s parents remember getting interest rates that were 12%, 14% or even higher.   

One of the biggest questions I get at homebuyer seminars is about is the process. What is buying a house ACTUALLY like?  I usually tell them that it’s like anything else. One step at a time. One form at a time. One bank transfer at a time. One house showing at a time. One home inspection at a time. If you have the wherewithal to plan a vacation, you can buy a house. 

  • Finding a Realtor
  • Finding a lender to get pre-approved (how much is your budget and what is a comfortable monthly payment)
  • Are there any first-time buyer programs that could be used? Is there down payment assistance?
  • Looking at the houses.
  • Finding one you like, and putting an offer together:
    • An offer usually involves a sales contract, any special forms that the jurisdictions require (lead-based paint acknowledgements, what appliances and systems in the house are included/excluded, if the home is part of a homeowners association, or a condo association, etc.)
    • Any forms related to getting an inspection done.
    • Who is selling the house, who is buying the house, how much is it being sold for, where it is exactly, and who are the others involved in the transaction (title company, agents, etc.)?
  • Getting any inspections done.
  • Negotiating any changes in the sales price or terms, or credits for inspection items.
  • Getting the final approval for the loan and then going to settlement.

Many people get interested in buying a house, but the “unknown” of it all can be daunting. It could be that the best way to think about it, is that like most things in life, you can’t cross every bridge BEFORE you get there. You just take it one day at a time. Some things will be surprisingly easy. Some things will require the advice of experienced lenders, Realtors, home inspectors and title attorneys.  

But if the process doesn’t begin somewhere, somehow, the idea just stays in one’s head in the “to do list” file.  And then 3 years go by, 5 years go by, 7 years go by. And your friends that DID buy a house laugh themselves to the bank when they go to sell the house they bought 3 years ago, 5 years ago, or 7 years ago.

If you need any recommendations for a local lender or Realtor, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at [email protected] or 703-587-0597.

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Advice

Giving up drinking is killing our relationship

What happens when one partner is sober and the other isn’t

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I’m a 38-year-old guy, was single for most of my 30s, which I didn’t like at all, and I finally met a great guy last Memorial Day Weekend. 

Until New Year’s I would have said that everything was going great. I was on Cloud Nine. Eric is kind, handsome, smart, and a great catch.

But in December he decided to do “Dry January.” It was kind of on a whim I think. We were out with some friends and one of them said he was not going to drink at all for the month of January. He thought alcohol was playing too big a role in his life so he wanted to see what life would be like without it. Another friend said he would do it too, and then Eric said he would.

I wish we hadn’t gone out that night and then this whole thing wouldn’t have happened.

So, as the month progressed, Eric started talking more and more about how much better he was feeling without alcohol in his body or his life.

I don’t think we drank that much pre-January. Yes, we’d have something to drink every time we went out, with friends or just together, but not to excess.

At some point, Eric started saying that he wasn’t really enjoying going out with our friends, as he wasn’t drinking and they were (except the two friends who were also doing the Dry January thing). This meant I’d either go out without him (which I didn’t like) or we’d stay home, or go out just the two of us. But then if I’m drinking and he’s not, it just feels awkward. He hasn’t said anything but I feel like he’s judging me whenever I have a drink.

I was hoping he’d relax about the whole thing at the end of the month but now he’s decided he doesn’t want to drink anymore at all.

To make matters worse, he says that the month made him think more about the big role alcohol plays in his life (his words) and he has started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

So where does this leave me? I do want to keep drinking. I’m just a social drinker and I don’t have a problem with alcohol. I think it adds a fair amount of fun to my life. Plus, all my friends drink (including the two who did Dry January) and it’s a big part of our socializing. If you don’t drink when everyone else is drinking, it’s really not fun and it feels weird.

At this point Eric doesn’t go out with the friend group we were going out with because he doesn’t have a good time as the only non-drinker. (I get it, that’s one of the reasons I drink when my friends are drinking.) So I go out sometimes without him, which as I mentioned doesn’t feel so good, and which I don’t think is great for our relationship; or I don’t go out with my friends, which I don’t like.

I love Eric and I could see us having a great life together but his not drinking has opened what feels like a chasm between us.

How do couples handle this situation, where one person wants to stop drinking and the other does not? The impact is seeming increasingly huge to me and I don’t see how to make it stop being a divisive problem.

Michael replies:

I don’t think that Eric’s sobriety needs to be a divisive problem, if you can tolerate that you don’t get to have your life with Eric be exactly as you would like. 

This is the same dilemma that everyone in a serious relationship must face. Our partners are always different from us in some important ways, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first. And we have to figure out how to live with these differences, contentedly for the most part.  Our partners face the same challenge. 

Of course, not every difference can be (or should be) resolvable. For example, if one person is determined to parent and the other person is determined to be child-free, it makes great sense to part ways — unless one person decides they’d rather stay with their partner than have it their way.  

You and Eric have to figure out if your differences around alcohol are a deal-breaker, or if you can find a way to build a solid relationship, even as you drink socially and he is sober.

Whether and how you do this are for the two of you to figure out.  That said, here are some ideas for your consideration: 

  • Can you accept Eric’s not joining you for some or even many of your social activities?
  • Can you and Eric talk about what might help him be more comfortable joining your friends now and then?
  • Can you ask Eric what it’s like for him when you are drinking, rather than assuming that he is judging you? (Important question for your consideration: What led you to make that assumption rather than asking him?)
  • If Eric is making friends in Alcoholics Anonymous, would you want to join him at times when he socializes with them? 

The main ingredients here are generosity, flexibility, collaboration, and curiosity.

Speaking of curiosity, rather than wishing that the two of you had missed that invitation to participate in Dry January, how about being curious about Eric’s decision to stop drinking? I suspect that your dismissiveness has a negative impact on his desire to be close to or confide in you. If you are curious about this important life change that Eric is undertaking, you will certainly learn a lot about your boyfriend, and likely deepen your connection.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Real Estate

Down payment strategies: Financing your home purchase 

Understanding the options key to unlocking the door to a dream home

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Looking for your dream home? First, you need to understand how to make the down payment.

Navigating the path to homeownership can be a complex journey, especially when it comes to accumulating the necessary down payment. For members of our LGBTQ community, understanding the available options for saving and financing this crucial aspect of home buying is key to unlocking the door to their dream home. Let’s explore effective methods and resources specifically designed to support LGBTQ individuals on their path to homeownership.

Traditional Savings Strategies

Saving for a down payment often begins with traditional methods such as setting aside a portion of your income into a dedicated savings account. High-yield savings accounts and automated savings plans, some offering up to 5% interest in today’s market, can expedite the process, providing a disciplined approach to accumulate funds over time. Additionally, exploring investment opportunities that match your risk tolerance can offer potential growth for your down payment savings.

Down Payment Assistance Programs

A variety of down payment assistance programs exist to help homebuyers with their initial costs. These programs often offer grants or low-interest loans to first-time homebuyers or those who haven’t owned a home in the past three years. 

It’s essential to speak with a GayRealEstate.com agent to determine what programs may be available, plus online research into local and state assistance programs, as many are designed to support individuals in specific communities, including the LGBTQ+ community.

For medical professionals, police, teachers, firefighters, and other community heroes, there are several special loan and assistance programs designed to help with home purchases, often offering benefits like down payment assistance, reduced closing costs, and more favorable loan terms.

The Hero Home Loan Program provides first responders, including police officers, firefighters, and paramedics, with benefits such as lower interest rates and reduced closing costs. This program aims to make homeownership more accessible by offering more flexible credit score requirements and down payment assistance .

For educators, firefighters, law enforcement officers, and medical professionals, the Everyday Hero Housing Assistance Fund (EHHAF) offers closing cost assistance through gift funds. This program is designed to support those who serve their communities by making homeownership more affordable, with no repayment required for the grant funds​​.

The HUD Good Neighbor Next Door Program offers up to 50% off the list price of homes for law enforcement officers, pre-Kindergarten through 12th-grade teachers, firefighters, and emergency medical technicians. This initiative aims to encourage community revitalization by assisting these professionals in homeownership within the communities they serve​​.

Homes for Heroes provides assistance specifically to first responders and offers significant savings through Hero Rewards when buying, selling, or refinancing a home. On average, participants save $3,000, with the program offering real estate and mortgage specialist connections tailored to the needs of first responders​​.

LGBTQ-Friendly Lending Options

Finding a lender that understands and supports the unique needs of our LGBTQ community can make a significant difference. Some lenders and organizations specialize in offering inclusive financial products and resources to assist LGBTQ+ homebuyers. These may include specialized mortgage products, financial planning services, and guidance through the home buying process.

The journey to homeownership is a milestone that requires careful planning and support. Remember, every step taken towards saving and financing your home purchase brings you closer to the dream of homeownership.

(GayRealEstate.com offers valuable resources and advice tailored to meet the unique needs of our LGBTQ+ community in their journey towards homeownership. For more comprehensive guidance and support in navigating the home buying process, visit GayRealEstate.com choose an agent and start a no-obligation conversation today.)

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].

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