Connect with us

Living

Queery: Jeff Prior

The CTRL DJ answers 20 questions

Published

on

Jeff Prior, Queery, CTRL, gay news, Washington Blade
Jeff Prior, Queery, CTRL, gay news, Washington Blade

Jeff Prior (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

CTRL, pronounced “control,” was born out of a St. Patrick’s Day party held last year.

Jeff Prior and Adam Koussari-Amin started it, eventually teamed up with Pocket Gays’ Devon Trotter and Brett Andriesen and soon found they’d outgrown their spot at Dahlak at 18th and U where they’ve been the last nine months.

“It was just kind of an idea between three or four drunken friends at a bar,” Prior says. “We had so much fun doing it, we said we should do this regularly and took that inspiration and made it into something we could brand a little more and identify it as something different than just the regular Saturday night thing at Town or Cobalt.”

CTRL will launch at its new home Saturday night at Cobalt where the four DJs will take over both floors in rotating sets. It’s set to rotate with Rumba, Just Circuit and Bare and will be the last Saturday of the month. Its organizers say to expect “surprises, photo booths, big live performances and … the best in new indie dance, electropop and mash-ups.”

It runs from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m. at Cobalt (17th and R, N.W.). Cover is $5. Look for the group on Facebook under “CTRLDC.”

Prior, a 31-year-old Jupiter, Fla., native, came to Washington in 2005 to finish an undergraduate degree at George Washington University following a few years working as a paramedic in Florida. By day, he works in human resources at the AFL-CIO and while he enjoys the stability of his day job, he says DJing gives him an outlet for music.

“I like what I do and feel lucky I work for an organization I can believe in and do work that actually makes me feel good, but it’s a totally stark night-and-day difference from what I do when I’m DJing,” he says. “You really can’t compare the feeling of seeing a hundred people dancing in front of you to the music you’re playing to sitting at a desk from 9 to 5.”

Prior spins on average two weekends per month. He’s single, lives in Adams Morgan and enjoys music, concerts, traveling and planning parties in his free time.

 

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I’ve been out since I was 18 — not long after high school. The hardest person to tell was definitely the first person I told, who was a longtime friend of mine. I was secretly seeing someone we went to high school with and he ended up telling her about it shortly after, so she confronted me. I knew I couldn’t really lie about it anymore, so it was that moment when you take the plunge and realize everything you know might change.  After that it became less difficult to talk about.

 

Who’s your LGBT hero?

That’s a tough one.  I’d have to say at the end of the day in terms of LGBT people doing heroic work, it’s the folks who volunteer to knock on doors and have one-on-one conversations with people and families about equal rights.

 

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present? 

9:30 club. So many great shows and memories.

 

Describe your dream wedding.

Something low key with a great soundtrack.

 

What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?

By day I work for a group affiliated with the labor movement, so workers’ rights, health care and making sure we have a strong middle class are important issues for me.

 

What historical outcome would you change?

I’d like to go back in time Terminator-style to take out whomever decided to green light that Mariah Carey movie.

 

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

Seeing Radiohead up close in concert in the pouring rain. It was magical.

 

On what do you insist?

I insist that the next president be sworn in on Beyoncé’s Bible. Just sayin’. It makes sense.

 

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

Something about cats. That tells you pretty much all you need to know about me.

 

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

I’ve joked with some friends that we should write a book and just call it “50 Shades.” That sounds about right.

 

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

Who wants to come out of the closet twice? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

 

What do you believe in beyond the physical world? 

Not a whole lot. Figuring out the physical world is stressful enough for me.

 

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

To the elected leaders, please stay out of trouble.

 

What would you walk across hot coals for?

It depends on the moment. Sometimes after a night out it seems like I would walk across hot coals for a cheese steak. I’ve probably done a lot worse for a lot less.

 

What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?

These days some of the worst stereotypes are the ones used within the gay community. We’re all guilty of it at times.

 

What’s your favorite LGBT movie?

“Paris Is Burning.” OPULENCE.

 

What’s the most overrated social custom?

A holiday weekend in Rehoboth Beach. Overrated, overpriced, over it.

 

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

I don’t really have any special talents that one might win a prize for, so I’m just gonna keep it real and say Powerball.

 

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

A faster way to get out of Florida!

 

Why Washington?

I originally came to D.C. for school. I really fell in love with the city not long after moving here and even though I like to travel and visit new places, I can’t imagine living anywhere else right now.

Advertisement
FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM
SIGN UP FOR E-BLAST

Real Estate

Don’t procrastinate buying your home

Some experts predict rates will fall in June

Published

on

Spring is in the air and it’s a great time to buy a new home.

As springtime fills the air, cherry blossoms are blooming, much of the year still lies ahead and many have started to think about how they are progressing with their 2024 goals. If the dream of buying a house was put on hold when the interest rates went from 3% to almost 8%, and life got in the way of an idea that had gotten onto your to-do list, maybe now is the time to dust it off. 

Mortgage lender Tina Del Casale from Sandy Spring Bank says, “There is still hope the Fed will be happy with inflation numbers by June to finally pull the trigger on lowering interest rates.”  

The rates might not be as low as they were in 2021, but historically, they are still not as high as they were 20 years ago. Some people’s parents remember getting interest rates that were 12%, 14% or even higher.   

One of the biggest questions I get at homebuyer seminars is about is the process. What is buying a house ACTUALLY like?  I usually tell them that it’s like anything else. One step at a time. One form at a time. One bank transfer at a time. One house showing at a time. One home inspection at a time. If you have the wherewithal to plan a vacation, you can buy a house. 

  • Finding a Realtor
  • Finding a lender to get pre-approved (how much is your budget and what is a comfortable monthly payment)
  • Are there any first-time buyer programs that could be used? Is there down payment assistance?
  • Looking at the houses.
  • Finding one you like, and putting an offer together:
    • An offer usually involves a sales contract, any special forms that the jurisdictions require (lead-based paint acknowledgements, what appliances and systems in the house are included/excluded, if the home is part of a homeowners association, or a condo association, etc.)
    • Any forms related to getting an inspection done.
    • Who is selling the house, who is buying the house, how much is it being sold for, where it is exactly, and who are the others involved in the transaction (title company, agents, etc.)?
  • Getting any inspections done.
  • Negotiating any changes in the sales price or terms, or credits for inspection items.
  • Getting the final approval for the loan and then going to settlement.

Many people get interested in buying a house, but the “unknown” of it all can be daunting. It could be that the best way to think about it, is that like most things in life, you can’t cross every bridge BEFORE you get there. You just take it one day at a time. Some things will be surprisingly easy. Some things will require the advice of experienced lenders, Realtors, home inspectors and title attorneys.  

But if the process doesn’t begin somewhere, somehow, the idea just stays in one’s head in the “to do list” file.  And then 3 years go by, 5 years go by, 7 years go by. And your friends that DID buy a house laugh themselves to the bank when they go to sell the house they bought 3 years ago, 5 years ago, or 7 years ago.

If you need any recommendations for a local lender or Realtor, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at [email protected] or 703-587-0597.

Continue Reading

Advice

Giving up drinking is killing our relationship

What happens when one partner is sober and the other isn’t

Published

on

I’m a 38-year-old guy, was single for most of my 30s, which I didn’t like at all, and I finally met a great guy last Memorial Day Weekend. 

Until New Year’s I would have said that everything was going great. I was on Cloud Nine. Eric is kind, handsome, smart, and a great catch.

But in December he decided to do “Dry January.” It was kind of on a whim I think. We were out with some friends and one of them said he was not going to drink at all for the month of January. He thought alcohol was playing too big a role in his life so he wanted to see what life would be like without it. Another friend said he would do it too, and then Eric said he would.

I wish we hadn’t gone out that night and then this whole thing wouldn’t have happened.

So, as the month progressed, Eric started talking more and more about how much better he was feeling without alcohol in his body or his life.

I don’t think we drank that much pre-January. Yes, we’d have something to drink every time we went out, with friends or just together, but not to excess.

At some point, Eric started saying that he wasn’t really enjoying going out with our friends, as he wasn’t drinking and they were (except the two friends who were also doing the Dry January thing). This meant I’d either go out without him (which I didn’t like) or we’d stay home, or go out just the two of us. But then if I’m drinking and he’s not, it just feels awkward. He hasn’t said anything but I feel like he’s judging me whenever I have a drink.

I was hoping he’d relax about the whole thing at the end of the month but now he’s decided he doesn’t want to drink anymore at all.

To make matters worse, he says that the month made him think more about the big role alcohol plays in his life (his words) and he has started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

So where does this leave me? I do want to keep drinking. I’m just a social drinker and I don’t have a problem with alcohol. I think it adds a fair amount of fun to my life. Plus, all my friends drink (including the two who did Dry January) and it’s a big part of our socializing. If you don’t drink when everyone else is drinking, it’s really not fun and it feels weird.

At this point Eric doesn’t go out with the friend group we were going out with because he doesn’t have a good time as the only non-drinker. (I get it, that’s one of the reasons I drink when my friends are drinking.) So I go out sometimes without him, which as I mentioned doesn’t feel so good, and which I don’t think is great for our relationship; or I don’t go out with my friends, which I don’t like.

I love Eric and I could see us having a great life together but his not drinking has opened what feels like a chasm between us.

How do couples handle this situation, where one person wants to stop drinking and the other does not? The impact is seeming increasingly huge to me and I don’t see how to make it stop being a divisive problem.

Michael replies:

I don’t think that Eric’s sobriety needs to be a divisive problem, if you can tolerate that you don’t get to have your life with Eric be exactly as you would like. 

This is the same dilemma that everyone in a serious relationship must face. Our partners are always different from us in some important ways, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first. And we have to figure out how to live with these differences, contentedly for the most part.  Our partners face the same challenge. 

Of course, not every difference can be (or should be) resolvable. For example, if one person is determined to parent and the other person is determined to be child-free, it makes great sense to part ways — unless one person decides they’d rather stay with their partner than have it their way.  

You and Eric have to figure out if your differences around alcohol are a deal-breaker, or if you can find a way to build a solid relationship, even as you drink socially and he is sober.

Whether and how you do this are for the two of you to figure out.  That said, here are some ideas for your consideration: 

  • Can you accept Eric’s not joining you for some or even many of your social activities?
  • Can you and Eric talk about what might help him be more comfortable joining your friends now and then?
  • Can you ask Eric what it’s like for him when you are drinking, rather than assuming that he is judging you? (Important question for your consideration: What led you to make that assumption rather than asking him?)
  • If Eric is making friends in Alcoholics Anonymous, would you want to join him at times when he socializes with them? 

The main ingredients here are generosity, flexibility, collaboration, and curiosity.

Speaking of curiosity, rather than wishing that the two of you had missed that invitation to participate in Dry January, how about being curious about Eric’s decision to stop drinking? I suspect that your dismissiveness has a negative impact on his desire to be close to or confide in you. If you are curious about this important life change that Eric is undertaking, you will certainly learn a lot about your boyfriend, and likely deepen your connection.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

Continue Reading

Real Estate

Down payment strategies: Financing your home purchase 

Understanding the options key to unlocking the door to a dream home

Published

on

Looking for your dream home? First, you need to understand how to make the down payment.

Navigating the path to homeownership can be a complex journey, especially when it comes to accumulating the necessary down payment. For members of our LGBTQ community, understanding the available options for saving and financing this crucial aspect of home buying is key to unlocking the door to their dream home. Let’s explore effective methods and resources specifically designed to support LGBTQ individuals on their path to homeownership.

Traditional Savings Strategies

Saving for a down payment often begins with traditional methods such as setting aside a portion of your income into a dedicated savings account. High-yield savings accounts and automated savings plans, some offering up to 5% interest in today’s market, can expedite the process, providing a disciplined approach to accumulate funds over time. Additionally, exploring investment opportunities that match your risk tolerance can offer potential growth for your down payment savings.

Down Payment Assistance Programs

A variety of down payment assistance programs exist to help homebuyers with their initial costs. These programs often offer grants or low-interest loans to first-time homebuyers or those who haven’t owned a home in the past three years. 

It’s essential to speak with a GayRealEstate.com agent to determine what programs may be available, plus online research into local and state assistance programs, as many are designed to support individuals in specific communities, including the LGBTQ+ community.

For medical professionals, police, teachers, firefighters, and other community heroes, there are several special loan and assistance programs designed to help with home purchases, often offering benefits like down payment assistance, reduced closing costs, and more favorable loan terms.

The Hero Home Loan Program provides first responders, including police officers, firefighters, and paramedics, with benefits such as lower interest rates and reduced closing costs. This program aims to make homeownership more accessible by offering more flexible credit score requirements and down payment assistance .

For educators, firefighters, law enforcement officers, and medical professionals, the Everyday Hero Housing Assistance Fund (EHHAF) offers closing cost assistance through gift funds. This program is designed to support those who serve their communities by making homeownership more affordable, with no repayment required for the grant funds​​.

The HUD Good Neighbor Next Door Program offers up to 50% off the list price of homes for law enforcement officers, pre-Kindergarten through 12th-grade teachers, firefighters, and emergency medical technicians. This initiative aims to encourage community revitalization by assisting these professionals in homeownership within the communities they serve​​.

Homes for Heroes provides assistance specifically to first responders and offers significant savings through Hero Rewards when buying, selling, or refinancing a home. On average, participants save $3,000, with the program offering real estate and mortgage specialist connections tailored to the needs of first responders​​.

LGBTQ-Friendly Lending Options

Finding a lender that understands and supports the unique needs of our LGBTQ community can make a significant difference. Some lenders and organizations specialize in offering inclusive financial products and resources to assist LGBTQ+ homebuyers. These may include specialized mortgage products, financial planning services, and guidance through the home buying process.

The journey to homeownership is a milestone that requires careful planning and support. Remember, every step taken towards saving and financing your home purchase brings you closer to the dream of homeownership.

(GayRealEstate.com offers valuable resources and advice tailored to meet the unique needs of our LGBTQ+ community in their journey towards homeownership. For more comprehensive guidance and support in navigating the home buying process, visit GayRealEstate.com choose an agent and start a no-obligation conversation today.)

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].

Continue Reading
Advertisement
Advertisement

Sign Up for Weekly E-Blast

Follow Us @washblade

Advertisement

Popular