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Pride in the Panhandle

W.Va. may be ‘wonderful’ but gays in its eastern tip see room for improvement

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Marla Seymour, John Mason, Eastern Panhandle LGBTQ Alliance of West Virginia, gay news, Washington Blade
Marla Seymour, John Mason, Eastern Panhandle LGBTQ Alliance of West Virginia, gay news, Washington Blade

Marla Seymour and John Mason, officers of a new group called Eastern Panhandle LGBTQ Alliance of West Virginia. (Washington Blade photo by Joey DiGuglielmo)

MARTINSBURG, W.Va. — What’s it like to be LGBT in West Virginia? Gay and lesbian residents there say that although it’s not as bad as it could be, there’s still a lot of work to be done.

The state’s Eastern Panhandle — parts of which include quaint towns like Harpers Ferry, Berkeley Springs and Shepherdstown that are sometimes destinations for Washington residents who want to venture beyond the hustle and bustle — is a distinct region.

Martinsburg, in Berkeley County, is just more than 60 miles from Washington and sits along an interesting stretch of Interstate 81 where one can drive through Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania in about 45 minutes. The other two counties in the Panhandle — Jefferson and Morgan — are also easy to navigate, the former especially where it’s not uncommon to find residents who work in the D.C. Metro area but are drawn to West Virginia for its drastically more affordable real estate prices.

The tri-county area is also home to many same-sex households; same-sex marriage is illegal here although it’s not one of the 31 states that have constitutional amendments banning it. According to Williams Institute analysis of 2010 Census data, Jefferson and Berkeley are the two counties with the most same-sex households (Morgan contains drastically fewer). Jefferson has 6.29 per 1,000 households; Berkeley 5.69. Kanawha County includes the state capitol, Charleston, and has a PFLAG chapter, a gay men’s chorus and is home to the state’s LGBT activist group Fairness West Virginia, yet it sits fourth overall in the state for number of same-sex households.

And while Democrats have a stronghold in government here — they currently hold the governorship, both Senate seats and both houses of the state legislature — West Virginians are still considered largely conservative and have supported the Republican candidate for president in every election since 2000.

A new group called Eastern Panhandle LGBTQ Alliance of West Virginia formed in mid-June, its retired organizers realizing they had time on their hands and sensing a need for more interaction among the Panhandle’s gay residents than currently exists.

John Mason came out in 2000 after many years as a family man with two daughters and dual careers in the telecom industry and as an evangelical pastor of a non-denominational Bible church he formerly led in Potomac, Md. He moved to Jefferson County about eight years ago and is neighbors with Marla Seymour, a lesbian who came here from Frederick in 2002.

“Marla and I were talking in her living room one night and we were kind of like, ‘OK, what are we going to do now,’” Mason says over coffee at Jumpin’ Java Café in downtown Charles Town, W.Va., a small town in Jefferson County. The café is one the new group has targeted as gay affirming in a church-and-business directory it’s compiling.

“The light bulb really came on for both of us,” he says. “We just feel this is the perfect option. We’ve got at-risk kids with suicide, kids who have no support, who are homeless because they’re gay and we thought, ‘This is really what we need. We need a resource beyond the internet where there are actual people that these kids can talk to and find support, find community, have social interaction with other gay people. … With the Supreme Court decisions on Prop. 8 and DOMA, we’ve got a lot of momentum going and we’ve got to tap into it and see what we can draw out of it for the LGBT community here.”

The group has elected officers, is working on mission and vision statements and has a Facebook page that has attracted about 2,000 “likes.” The first fundraiser, a drag bingo, is scheduled for Sunday evening from 6 to 10 p.m. at The Club (5268 Williamsport Pike, Martinsburg), the only gay bar in the area. Organizers say they also want to start a PFLAG chapter, an LGBT alcoholics anonymous group and have a Pride event next summer.

“It may just be a covered dish picnic, but it will be something,” Seymour says.

Ally Susan Pellish took kids of parents who attended the first steering committee meeting out for ice cream so the adults could strategize. She’s been involved with AIDS work in the region for years and says she supports the new group wholeheartedly.

“It’s a great opportunity for the residents of West Virginia to see what a viable community we have and how diverse it is and how wonderful the integration can be as it should be,” she says.

Though she loves the area, she says it has its downfalls.

“I know there are children here who have been banned and disowned and have no place to go for Christmas, for the holidays,” she says. “That kind of injustice is just beyond my comprehension.”

Others in the state are also expressing support.

Coby Myers, owner of the Club and gay himself, says supporting charitable and LGBT-affirming groups such as the Alliance is central to his business plan (since opening in January, he says the Club has “done very well.”).

“The Eastern Panhandle has never had anything like this and we have a very large LGBT community here that people don’t really recognize,” Myers says. “I’m all about helping them raise money for whatever will benefit them and the community.”

Attorney Stephen Skinner lives in the Panhandle, founded Fairness West Virginia in 2006 and is the state’s first openly gay elected official. He’s a Democrat in the West Virginia House of Delegates. He called the Alliance effort “noble” and says he’s “delighted to support any group that works toward equality.”

Casey Willits is the executive director of Fairness West Virginia as of May and says although his group is working more on the legislative front — the Alliance is working to attain 501c3 status, which would prevent it from lobbying — he’s excited to see what the group will accomplish.

“It’s so great to see people that are passionate about their community,” he says. “I’m just thrilled that people take it seriously enough that they feel called to take action.”

Mason, who says he’s been devoting about six hours a day to the group, says several goals lie on the immediate horizon — a website beyond the Facebook page, a resource guide to include LGBT-friendly businesses, churches and service groups in the region, an investigation and possible resource sharing with campus and high school alliance groups in the area (there are rumored to be two GSAs at Panhandle high schools but the Blade could not immediately confirm this), the aforementioned PFLAG chapter and more.

As for downsides both encountered or feared, Mason and Seymour say the region’s largely bedroom community type of atmosphere could be problematic. They both know of many gay and lesbian older couples that have second homes or have retired here and aren’t interested in this kind of thing.

“It is a concern of mine that we may bump up against a gay wall,” Seymour says. “I think there may be gay people here who aren’t especially interested in change. I don’t think they would do anything to intentionally harm us, but I think that could be a big bucket of gay support we’d be missing and it concerns me. … Those people are established, they’re comfortable, they come here to get away. They don’t really want to be part of this umbrella or this resource. They come here to vacate, not engage and that’s a different battle entirely. Some of them have supported us but not a lot.”

Mason says his biggest goal is letting young LGBT people know they’re not alone.

“We want to tell them to come join us,” he says. “You may have been born into a conservative family, born into a conservative church, but you can choose your family and we can be that family for you. … We want to provide support, encouragement and resources for that younger gay person who just has no support.”

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Real Estate

Don’t procrastinate buying your home

Some experts predict rates will fall in June

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Spring is in the air and it’s a great time to buy a new home.

As springtime fills the air, cherry blossoms are blooming, much of the year still lies ahead and many have started to think about how they are progressing with their 2024 goals. If the dream of buying a house was put on hold when the interest rates went from 3% to almost 8%, and life got in the way of an idea that had gotten onto your to-do list, maybe now is the time to dust it off. 

Mortgage lender Tina Del Casale from Sandy Spring Bank says, “There is still hope the Fed will be happy with inflation numbers by June to finally pull the trigger on lowering interest rates.”  

The rates might not be as low as they were in 2021, but historically, they are still not as high as they were 20 years ago. Some people’s parents remember getting interest rates that were 12%, 14% or even higher.   

One of the biggest questions I get at homebuyer seminars is about is the process. What is buying a house ACTUALLY like?  I usually tell them that it’s like anything else. One step at a time. One form at a time. One bank transfer at a time. One house showing at a time. One home inspection at a time. If you have the wherewithal to plan a vacation, you can buy a house. 

  • Finding a Realtor
  • Finding a lender to get pre-approved (how much is your budget and what is a comfortable monthly payment)
  • Are there any first-time buyer programs that could be used? Is there down payment assistance?
  • Looking at the houses.
  • Finding one you like, and putting an offer together:
    • An offer usually involves a sales contract, any special forms that the jurisdictions require (lead-based paint acknowledgements, what appliances and systems in the house are included/excluded, if the home is part of a homeowners association, or a condo association, etc.)
    • Any forms related to getting an inspection done.
    • Who is selling the house, who is buying the house, how much is it being sold for, where it is exactly, and who are the others involved in the transaction (title company, agents, etc.)?
  • Getting any inspections done.
  • Negotiating any changes in the sales price or terms, or credits for inspection items.
  • Getting the final approval for the loan and then going to settlement.

Many people get interested in buying a house, but the “unknown” of it all can be daunting. It could be that the best way to think about it, is that like most things in life, you can’t cross every bridge BEFORE you get there. You just take it one day at a time. Some things will be surprisingly easy. Some things will require the advice of experienced lenders, Realtors, home inspectors and title attorneys.  

But if the process doesn’t begin somewhere, somehow, the idea just stays in one’s head in the “to do list” file.  And then 3 years go by, 5 years go by, 7 years go by. And your friends that DID buy a house laugh themselves to the bank when they go to sell the house they bought 3 years ago, 5 years ago, or 7 years ago.

If you need any recommendations for a local lender or Realtor, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at [email protected] or 703-587-0597.

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Advice

Giving up drinking is killing our relationship

What happens when one partner is sober and the other isn’t

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I’m a 38-year-old guy, was single for most of my 30s, which I didn’t like at all, and I finally met a great guy last Memorial Day Weekend. 

Until New Year’s I would have said that everything was going great. I was on Cloud Nine. Eric is kind, handsome, smart, and a great catch.

But in December he decided to do “Dry January.” It was kind of on a whim I think. We were out with some friends and one of them said he was not going to drink at all for the month of January. He thought alcohol was playing too big a role in his life so he wanted to see what life would be like without it. Another friend said he would do it too, and then Eric said he would.

I wish we hadn’t gone out that night and then this whole thing wouldn’t have happened.

So, as the month progressed, Eric started talking more and more about how much better he was feeling without alcohol in his body or his life.

I don’t think we drank that much pre-January. Yes, we’d have something to drink every time we went out, with friends or just together, but not to excess.

At some point, Eric started saying that he wasn’t really enjoying going out with our friends, as he wasn’t drinking and they were (except the two friends who were also doing the Dry January thing). This meant I’d either go out without him (which I didn’t like) or we’d stay home, or go out just the two of us. But then if I’m drinking and he’s not, it just feels awkward. He hasn’t said anything but I feel like he’s judging me whenever I have a drink.

I was hoping he’d relax about the whole thing at the end of the month but now he’s decided he doesn’t want to drink anymore at all.

To make matters worse, he says that the month made him think more about the big role alcohol plays in his life (his words) and he has started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

So where does this leave me? I do want to keep drinking. I’m just a social drinker and I don’t have a problem with alcohol. I think it adds a fair amount of fun to my life. Plus, all my friends drink (including the two who did Dry January) and it’s a big part of our socializing. If you don’t drink when everyone else is drinking, it’s really not fun and it feels weird.

At this point Eric doesn’t go out with the friend group we were going out with because he doesn’t have a good time as the only non-drinker. (I get it, that’s one of the reasons I drink when my friends are drinking.) So I go out sometimes without him, which as I mentioned doesn’t feel so good, and which I don’t think is great for our relationship; or I don’t go out with my friends, which I don’t like.

I love Eric and I could see us having a great life together but his not drinking has opened what feels like a chasm between us.

How do couples handle this situation, where one person wants to stop drinking and the other does not? The impact is seeming increasingly huge to me and I don’t see how to make it stop being a divisive problem.

Michael replies:

I don’t think that Eric’s sobriety needs to be a divisive problem, if you can tolerate that you don’t get to have your life with Eric be exactly as you would like. 

This is the same dilemma that everyone in a serious relationship must face. Our partners are always different from us in some important ways, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first. And we have to figure out how to live with these differences, contentedly for the most part.  Our partners face the same challenge. 

Of course, not every difference can be (or should be) resolvable. For example, if one person is determined to parent and the other person is determined to be child-free, it makes great sense to part ways — unless one person decides they’d rather stay with their partner than have it their way.  

You and Eric have to figure out if your differences around alcohol are a deal-breaker, or if you can find a way to build a solid relationship, even as you drink socially and he is sober.

Whether and how you do this are for the two of you to figure out.  That said, here are some ideas for your consideration: 

  • Can you accept Eric’s not joining you for some or even many of your social activities?
  • Can you and Eric talk about what might help him be more comfortable joining your friends now and then?
  • Can you ask Eric what it’s like for him when you are drinking, rather than assuming that he is judging you? (Important question for your consideration: What led you to make that assumption rather than asking him?)
  • If Eric is making friends in Alcoholics Anonymous, would you want to join him at times when he socializes with them? 

The main ingredients here are generosity, flexibility, collaboration, and curiosity.

Speaking of curiosity, rather than wishing that the two of you had missed that invitation to participate in Dry January, how about being curious about Eric’s decision to stop drinking? I suspect that your dismissiveness has a negative impact on his desire to be close to or confide in you. If you are curious about this important life change that Eric is undertaking, you will certainly learn a lot about your boyfriend, and likely deepen your connection.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Real Estate

Down payment strategies: Financing your home purchase 

Understanding the options key to unlocking the door to a dream home

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Looking for your dream home? First, you need to understand how to make the down payment.

Navigating the path to homeownership can be a complex journey, especially when it comes to accumulating the necessary down payment. For members of our LGBTQ community, understanding the available options for saving and financing this crucial aspect of home buying is key to unlocking the door to their dream home. Let’s explore effective methods and resources specifically designed to support LGBTQ individuals on their path to homeownership.

Traditional Savings Strategies

Saving for a down payment often begins with traditional methods such as setting aside a portion of your income into a dedicated savings account. High-yield savings accounts and automated savings plans, some offering up to 5% interest in today’s market, can expedite the process, providing a disciplined approach to accumulate funds over time. Additionally, exploring investment opportunities that match your risk tolerance can offer potential growth for your down payment savings.

Down Payment Assistance Programs

A variety of down payment assistance programs exist to help homebuyers with their initial costs. These programs often offer grants or low-interest loans to first-time homebuyers or those who haven’t owned a home in the past three years. 

It’s essential to speak with a GayRealEstate.com agent to determine what programs may be available, plus online research into local and state assistance programs, as many are designed to support individuals in specific communities, including the LGBTQ+ community.

For medical professionals, police, teachers, firefighters, and other community heroes, there are several special loan and assistance programs designed to help with home purchases, often offering benefits like down payment assistance, reduced closing costs, and more favorable loan terms.

The Hero Home Loan Program provides first responders, including police officers, firefighters, and paramedics, with benefits such as lower interest rates and reduced closing costs. This program aims to make homeownership more accessible by offering more flexible credit score requirements and down payment assistance .

For educators, firefighters, law enforcement officers, and medical professionals, the Everyday Hero Housing Assistance Fund (EHHAF) offers closing cost assistance through gift funds. This program is designed to support those who serve their communities by making homeownership more affordable, with no repayment required for the grant funds​​.

The HUD Good Neighbor Next Door Program offers up to 50% off the list price of homes for law enforcement officers, pre-Kindergarten through 12th-grade teachers, firefighters, and emergency medical technicians. This initiative aims to encourage community revitalization by assisting these professionals in homeownership within the communities they serve​​.

Homes for Heroes provides assistance specifically to first responders and offers significant savings through Hero Rewards when buying, selling, or refinancing a home. On average, participants save $3,000, with the program offering real estate and mortgage specialist connections tailored to the needs of first responders​​.

LGBTQ-Friendly Lending Options

Finding a lender that understands and supports the unique needs of our LGBTQ community can make a significant difference. Some lenders and organizations specialize in offering inclusive financial products and resources to assist LGBTQ+ homebuyers. These may include specialized mortgage products, financial planning services, and guidance through the home buying process.

The journey to homeownership is a milestone that requires careful planning and support. Remember, every step taken towards saving and financing your home purchase brings you closer to the dream of homeownership.

(GayRealEstate.com offers valuable resources and advice tailored to meet the unique needs of our LGBTQ+ community in their journey towards homeownership. For more comprehensive guidance and support in navigating the home buying process, visit GayRealEstate.com choose an agent and start a no-obligation conversation today.)

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].

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