June 6, 2014 | by Orville Lloyd Douglas
Why do black gay celebs have white partners?
Michael Sam, Vito Cammisano, gay news, Washington Blade

Michael Sam and Vito Commisano (Photo courtesy Cammisano’s pubic Twitter feed)

Michael Sam, Robin Roberts, Jason Collins, Tracy Chapman, Wanda Sykes, Don Lemon, Derrick Gordon are all high-profile gay African-American public figures and they all have white partners.

When Michael Sam shattered the glass ceiling and became the first openly gay man to get drafted in the NFL I was thrilled for him and full of pride as a gay black man. I noticed immediately though, when Michael Sam got the call from the coach of the St. Louis Rams he was in a sea of whiteness. He was the only African American in the room when he got drafted.

Would Michael Sam be celebrated as a hero to the LGBT community if he had a black boyfriend? A part of me was indeed happy that Michael Sam broke a barrier. When Michael Sam kissed his white twink boyfriend Vito Cammisano, I cringed. It took me a while to reflect on why I felt so disappointed in seeing Sam kiss his white lover. I wasn’t disgusted, I am an openly gay man and I have seen gay men kiss each other for more than a decade. I can also see the love Sam and Cammisano have for each other. However, I can’t shake the feeling that Sam — like other black gay public figures who have come out — follow the white gay standard.

There is a paucity of black gay public figures who are out and since images are important in society, the few black gay celebrities are sending the wrong message.

For people who are outsiders to black gay culture there are sociological reasons why Robin Roberts, Michael Sam, Don Lemon, Jason Collins and Derrick Gordon have white partners and it isn’t just about falling in love with another person. In the private sphere of black culture, there is a lot of homophobia that can cause a lot of psychological and emotional damage to a black gay person. The homophobia in black culture can lead a black LGBT person to harbor feelings of resentment and anger at the black community as a whole. Some black gays have a predilection to distance themselves entirely from black people in order to recover from the homophobia in the private sphere of black society.

For instance, Sam grew up in a broken home — his father deserted his family and his mother was a stereotypical pious black woman. My theory is that due to the homophobia in black culture, some black gay people just want to be accepted and I can understand that. Some black gays believe to assimilate into the white gay mainstream they can obtain social acceptance.

Everyone wants to belong, to be accepted for who you are and loved. This is the reason there is a clear pattern that when black gay public figures come out they have a predilection for white partners.

There is also a divide between black gays who are out of the closet and the black gays still closeted. Some black gays who are out and proud have a superiority complex. These out gay blacks believe they are better than blacks who are closeted because they have immersed themselves into the white gay world. Also, some black gays who are out make a conscious effect to obtain a white partner who is a symbol of moving up the social ladder.

But what deleterious subliminal messages are these black gay public figures sending to the black community?

I believe these out black gay public figures are sending mixed messages to the black community. Does a black gay person have to be with a white person in order to obtain social acceptance?

In the gay community, the standard of beauty is usually a young white male, under 40, in great shape and he is middle/upper class. This white gay male image is engendered in television shows such as HBO’s “Looking” and in gay magazines. There is also a lie that there are not out and proud black gay people. For instance, Atlanta is the gay black Mecca, despite being in the American South. It has a vibrant black gay community. D.C., Los Angeles, Chicago and New York City also have black queer communities with people out and proud. The dilemma is that although these black gay public figures are out since they tend to have white lovers there is a disconnect with black culture when they come out. When black people see high-profile public figures with white partners many blacks — gay or straight — are apathetic to them. These black gay public figures with white partners are just following the standard quo.

There simply isn’t the same political or social power seeing interracial gay public figures as couples than to see black gay or lesbian public figures as couples out and proud. It also is not empowering to see these interracial gay couples who are public figures because it is so one sided. Notice, you do not see a plethora of high-profile white gay public figures with black partners. People have a right to love whomever they desire. However, it would be foolish to ignore a clear pattern where black gay public figures come out yet are hypocritical. These black gay public figures tell society they are proud to be black and gay yet having a black gay partner by their side they are apathetic to it.

Orville Lloyd Douglas is author of the new book ‘Under My Skin’ published by Guernica Editions and available on Amazon.

231 Comments
  • Many black men see a white partner as the ultimate prize-gay or straight. Black women do not. It's cultural.

  • In all fairness, it could simply be odds. If we assume that the gay population demographics perfectly mirror the demographics of the US as a whole, 78% of the gay population would be white (2012 Census estimate). In a truly colorblind society, where race of one’s partner is random, the probability of any 7 gay people having white partners is 0.78^7, or 18%. Hardly a certainty, but no more improbable than rolling a 7 on two dice, and significantly more likely than winning two rounds of rock-paper-scissors in a row (no ties). Statistically, with the above assumptions, if mate selection is random with respect to race, less than 2% of gay couples would be two African-Americans.

    Obviously mate selection is not random, and in fact humans tend towards assortative mating (preference for those of similar traits) along many dimensions. But my point is that perhaps this is positive, and is evidence that the LGBT community is more open to mixed-race relationships.

    • “In all fairness, it could simply be odds. If we assume that the gay population demographics perfectly mirror the demographics of the US as a whole, 78% of the gay population would be white (2012 Census estimate). In a truly colorblind society, where race of one’s partner is random, the probability of any 7 gay people having white partners is 0.78^7, or 18%. Hardly a certainty, but no more improbable than rolling a 7 on two dice, and significantly more likely than winning two rounds of rock-paper-scissors in a row (no ties). Statistically, with the above assumptions, if mate selection is random with respect to race, less than 2% of gay couples would be two African-Americans.
      “Obviously mate selection is not random, and in fact humans tend towards assortative mating (preference for those of similar traits) along many dimensions. But my point is that perhaps this is positive, and is evidence that the LGBT community is more open to mixed-race relationships.”

      ^This guy right here!

  • I'm a black woman. And I call BS on your statement!!

  • This is one h*ll of an opinion piece based on absolutely NO FACTS at all!!? WTF is this?? Again, making us black people seem narrow minded, race obsessed, petty and lacking in cognitive dissonance. If a white person wrote this, would you let the writer get away with this amount of hyperbole?? Assumption, after assumption was made in this terribly rude article. As a black person who has been in interracial relationships, this article makes us look so bad and stupid.

    This black gay man has basically put down all the gay black men who have had the courage to come out. So tell me, where is Michael supposed to find a college educated black boy in GD Missouri smart ass!??? All these black men are going out with guys who they have lots in common with-race is NOTHING. Where are their black equals? As far as I can see most out gay men in the public eye are either on Atlanta housewives hissing with handbags or they are???

    You pathetic article would have a point if you could give these gay black guys an alternative!? Or should they find some closeted black gay man? Or run to Atlanta??!! Maybe Michael should dump his boyfriend of a few years he met whilst in college and ditch the St Louis Rams to go move to New York or Atlanta to find his black boyfriend of equal stature?

    The gay black community needs to step UP. All these guys are activists-where are the black activists? All these guys are proud to be part of the gay community….where are the black gays who are activists??? Please.

  • Maybe they're just in love and not as skin-color-minded as you. Did you ever consider that, Orville?

  • No! gay black older man might see that but in my age group we see black a beautiful thing no disrespect,but ya'll are not the ultimate prize get over yourself you might think so but white man and women go for black's now in days

  • No! gay black older man might see that but in my age group we see black a beautiful thing no disrespect,but ya'll are not the ultimate prize get over yourself you might think so but white man and women go for black's now in days

  • I think many points are being missed but not being black it would be hard to understand exactly what the writer is saying period. I am all for the interracial relationships however there is a clear pattern, I'm not going to pretend its just all about love. Many gay people of African decsent go through emotional trials and tribulation that can not be understood unless you've walked in their shoes.b

  • I think many points are being missed but not being black it would be hard to understand exactly what the writer is saying period. I am all for the interracial relationships however there is a clear pattern, I'm not going to pretend its just all about love. Many gay people of African decsent go through emotional trials and tribulation that can not be understood unless you've walked in their shoes.b

  • It's just a numbers game. However, the avoidance of Black cultural homophobia makes a lot of sense. If I were a bacon-loving Jew, I probably wouldn't search out an analogue as a spouse. It'd be just easier not to.

  • It's just a numbers game. However, the avoidance of Black cultural homophobia makes a lot of sense. If I were a bacon-loving Jew, I probably wouldn't search out an analogue as a spouse. It'd be just easier not to.

  • I’ve been reading these reversed-racist comments and pieces since Michael Sam came out. It’s weird because I have not heard or read anything about these famous couples’ races from white people. Black people seem to enjoy denigrating these black famous people’s boyfriends and girlfriends: ”they are gold-diggers”. None seems to realize that Sam was dating this ”twink” way before he came out publicly, and Ms Roberts had been with her gf for ten years before the coming-out, so on and ON.

    I’m white, and I hear and beleive gay Blacks have it tougher in life because of the homophobia in the straight black community, and they have it still tougher because of the racism of the gay black community.

    They date and love whoever they want to. It’s their lives. Leave these people alone. Keep your cheap psychology for yourself. You can also date whoever you want to.

    • You sound silly!

      You said:
      ‘I’m white, and I hear and beleive gay Blacks have it tougher in life because of the homophobia in the straight black community, and they have it still tougher because of the racism of the gay black community.’

      RACISM IN THE BLACK GAY COMMUNITY?????? Ummmmm you need a little educating sweetie. Homophobia is major in all races after all you said you’re white. Haven’t you seen the anti gay laws written by WHITE lawmakers??? You know the ones that tell business owners they can refuse service to us gays????

      Maybe the anger from ‘SOME’ in the Black Community with Michael and Jason is due to the fact they complain about their family members being homophobic that isn’t the fault of us in the Black Gay community. They chose to walk away and embrace others outside the black race and you know what it’s perfectly fine with me. But please can your bull about about Blacks being prejudice it’s not just us. We have had nastiness thrown at us within the gay community for YEARS.

      Want some examples? Let use the bars as a perfect one. The Fireplace, This was originally frequented by mostly whites. They began a Thursday event where Blacks came and as more blacks began to frequent the bar, whites left then it was whites downstairs, Blacks upstairs until Whites totally stop coming.

      Another place the now defunct Omega which was once originally called ‘The Frat House’ the same thing happened there.

      Also the now defunct ‘Remington’s’ A country western bar that started having female impersonator shows on Sundays which was frequented by a mostly Black crowd. The white faithful began to erode themselves from there as well and we all know what has happen since. UNFORTUNATELY!

      So be careful as to whom you’re calling racists EVERYBODY has a little racism in them. Blacks are NOT THE LEADERS in this community Whites are! And this is a subject that should have been discussed years ago. However, their too afraid to discuss it!

    • Tell it Peter! But it isn’t “reverse” anything, it’s just racism.

  • This may come as a big surprise, but there are more white people than black people in this country. If race is not a consideration when a black person chooses a partner, most of the candidates are white, and the eventual boyfriend is most likely white.

    People who are neither gay nor celebrities tend to move in circles where most people are the same race as they are. Therefore, they tend to have partners of the same race.

    We should not ask why there are so many biracial relationships among black celebrities, we should ask why there are comparatively fewer biracial relationships in society in general.

  • This may come as a big surprise, but there are more white people than black people in this country. If race is not a consideration when a black person chooses a partner, most of the candidates are white, and the eventual boyfriend is most likely white.

    People who are neither gay nor celebrities tend to move in circles where most people are the same race as they are. Therefore, they tend to have partners of the same race.

    We should not ask why there are so many biracial relationships among black celebrities, we should ask why there are comparatively fewer biracial relationships in society in general.

  • I'm white, my late partner was black. We went to a party where I was unexpectedly the only white guest. On the way home, he said he knew what it was like being the only black person at a party, so he wanted to know what it was like for me to be the only white person at the party. I said it made no difference. When he urged me to tell him. I said, "When I come home from work at night, I"m the only white person there."

    He was shocked. For a moment I thought he'd wreck the car. He actually forgot we were different races. It is easy to do that. It's only a biracial relationship if someone calls attention to it.

  • I'm white, my late partner was black. We went to a party where I was unexpectedly the only white guest. On the way home, he said he knew what it was like being the only black person at a party, so he wanted to know what it was like for me to be the only white person at the party. I said it made no difference. When he urged me to tell him. I said, "When I come home from work at night, I"m the only white person there."

    He was shocked. For a moment I thought he'd wreck the car. He actually forgot we were different races. It is easy to do that. It's only a biracial relationship if someone calls attention to it.

  • @Norman Dostal & Bjoern P Petersen: The blatant racism being spewed from both of you simply takes my breath away. Norman, you are aware that gay men in general view young white men as a trophy, aren’t you? As for you, Bjoern, do you wear the rainbow flag on your Klan robe? There are countless non-black gay men with no degree or job, skinny pants, marijuana AND METH habits, and exaggerated materialistic values (seeing ANY MAN as a cash cow for name brand shopping), and infidelity issues. Of course, you already know that. My question to you is this: Who is the black man that broke your heart? He did a number on you, my friend.

  • you racist assholes at the blade took my shit down, but let this white racist crap stay up. i hope you all have AIDS. you deserve to die an awful death, you racist pieces of shit at blade. may your internal organs bleed your miserable lives to death.

  • Ken Collins, thank you. That's exactly what I was trying to say. I'm glad someone understands.

  • Ken Collins, thank you. That's exactly what I was trying to say. I'm glad someone understands.

  • Orville, what a limited point of view. A white partner is a status symbol?

  • Seems to me most of the issues raised in this piece are for the folks within that community to raise and discuss amongst themselves first and foremost.

  • Perhaps it has to do with the out-ness. It is easier to be out in the white community than in the black community. These examples of out black celebrities might be out because they are dating someone white who helps make it easier and more accepting to be out.

  • Orville, I appreciate that writers have to make a living stirring things up, but geez, why is it anyone’s else’s business who loves whom? Singling out Michael Sam and the other celebritiesfor who he loves is bullying behavior. We’re not going to erase racism by criticizing who other people love, and making the assumption that they chose white partners for any other reason but love is projecting yourself on them. Stop judging and spend your time doing something more productive.

  • And if they do it's a DAMN SHAME!!!

  • And if they do it's a DAMN SHAME!!!

  • JM Wolfson that is your opinion. However if you really think that this is based strictly on LOVE think again it's not. I love how some how are trying to attack the author over his opinion LOL. And this gay community has NOT been the best thing to people of color and if you're NOT BLACK you will never understand that!

  • JM Wolfson that is your opinion. However if you really think that this is based strictly on LOVE think again it's not. I love how some how are trying to attack the author over his opinion LOL. And this gay community has NOT been the best thing to people of color and if you're NOT BLACK you will never understand that!

  • Efrem Capers What I'm trying to say is that simply assuming that Michael Sam is with a white man is because of gay racism is highly shortsighted and smacks of racism trying to fight racism, as if black men are incapable of being racists. It's not like Michael Sam picked his boyfriend from the white gay man store. If you've observed any of their public behavior, they are clearly in love. You're also neglecting the other half of this as well: his white boyfriend chose a black partner! Where does your gay racism theory fit into that?!

  • Efrem Capers What I'm trying to say is that simply assuming that Michael Sam is with a white man is because of gay racism is highly shortsighted and smacks of racism trying to fight racism, as if black men are incapable of being racists. It's not like Michael Sam picked his boyfriend from the white gay man store. If you've observed any of their public behavior, they are clearly in love. You're also neglecting the other half of this as well: his white boyfriend chose a black partner! Where does your gay racism theory fit into that?!

  • JM Wolfson Me having a Gay racist theory???? I'm simply LOL! I can clearly laugh at that as you don't know me. I'm happy for Michael Sam personally. But as for your charge of Black men are incapable of being racist. Sure there are Black men that are racist, So are Asians, Latinos, Whites etc.

    However WE did not start any of this racism crap. It's just like in the straight world RACISM IS AS RACISM DOES if you throw an action you'll get back a RE-ACTION. Truth be told the only thing we all have in common is that we are lovers of the same gender. Everybody in this community have their own beliefs in many things. And have been raised differently from one another. And as time goes we see this clearly.

    As for Michael Sam I wish him well personally it doesn't bother me a bit. But again I love how this author is speaking something that is very true in certain circles. And folks are getting upset.

  • JM Wolfson Me having a Gay racist theory???? I'm simply LOL! I can clearly laugh at that as you don't know me. I'm happy for Michael Sam personally. But as for your charge of Black men are incapable of being racist. Sure there are Black men that are racist, So are Asians, Latinos, Whites etc.

    However WE did not start any of this racism crap. It's just like in the straight world RACISM IS AS RACISM DOES if you throw an action you'll get back a RE-ACTION. Truth be told the only thing we all have in common is that we are lovers of the same gender. Everybody in this community have their own beliefs in many things. And have been raised differently from one another. And as time goes we see this clearly.

    As for Michael Sam I wish him well personally it doesn't bother me a bit. But again I love how this author is speaking something that is very true in certain circles. And folks are getting upset.

  • Sergej Jezernik

    Does it Matter what colour people are??? if you love someone, then you love that person, no matter what colour they are! who cares! this race, that race, is pissing me off! we are all the same! ALL equal, we should start seeing that and not saying ooohh that black guy is dating a white guy. do people say ooooh look that white guy is dating a white guy?? no!!! so then why do they use those terms when it comes to a mix raced relationship?? stupid people!

  • Sergej Jezernik

    Does it Matter what colour people are??? if you love someone, then you love that person, no matter what colour they are! who cares! this race, that race, is pissing me off! we are all the same! ALL equal, we should start seeing that and not saying ooohh that black guy is dating a white guy. do people say ooooh look that white guy is dating a white guy?? no!!! so then why do they use those terms when it comes to a mix raced relationship?? stupid people!

  • Please tell me how you arrive at this conclusion, and without mentioning the type of white gay man or straight woman, who simply LOVE'S a back man, or a certain type of black man? Doesn't really matter, or much care, WHO he is, where he's been, or where he's going. He's BLACK and that's ALL he or she see's! I'm not sure where your authority lies, on the matter of what black men and women SEE, but your point may be better received if presented as a more well rounded observation.

  • Please tell me how you arrive at this conclusion, and without mentioning the type of white gay man or straight woman, who simply LOVE'S a back man, or a certain type of black man? Doesn't really matter, or much care, WHO he is, where he's been, or where he's going. He's BLACK and that's ALL he or she see's! I'm not sure where your authority lies, on the matter of what black men and women SEE, but your point may be better received if presented as a more well rounded observation.

  • Is there something wrong with BLACK LOVE?

  • Is there something wrong with BLACK LOVE?

  • Frankly, I find this piece simple-minded, presumptuous and, in many ways, just plain “ghetto.” Even with the tremendous social gap that exists between the black and white gay worlds — and over time, I’ve gone from straddling the two to leaning towards the black world, although, truth be told, I’ve probably confronted more “racism” from my own race than from whites — there is simply a sophistication gap. Unless you live in a city like Atlanta, it’s hard for a black gay male to find a black partner who’s likely to be as middle class in values as himself, that is, someone who can split the atom in his racial thinking and not label this or that behavior, thinking, habit, taste as “black” or white.” Unfortunately, that lucky find is still more likely to be a white person. Many black gays are still rising out of the social apartheid of American life — and I think that’s decidedly the case for this author — and for many of us that’s not what we’re looking for as a mate in the short time we have on earth. Just saying.

  • This article is racist to the core and it makes me very sad to see that there are some within the LGBT community that continue promoting race biting and divisions. The author seems to have a problem with interracial couples, and that is wrong. So this is proof that racism and division not only come from the white, right wing establishment: people of color can promote racism too, and this is an example.

  • Why is this an issue?!?! Love is love unless….? Stop race baiting.

  • Why is this an issue?!?! Love is love unless….? Stop race baiting.

  • Marcus LaTwan Alston

    Efrem Capers Nope there's nothing wrong with black but to most black men there's something wrong when we date a white guy or a white girl.The level of hypocrisy in the black community is shameful gay or straight.Just because I date white men black dudes call me a Uncle Tom and all that shit.Is that really called for?The guy who wrote this has some valid points but at the same time he missed on a lot of stuff.This is all from his perspective.The fact that he said it upset him to see Mike Sam kiss his bf is wretched and a awful thing to say.

  • Marcus LaTwan Alston

    Efrem Capers Nope there's nothing wrong with black but to most black men there's something wrong when we date a white guy or a white girl.The level of hypocrisy in the black community is shameful gay or straight.Just because I date white men black dudes call me a Uncle Tom and all that shit.Is that really called for?The guy who wrote this has some valid points but at the same time he missed on a lot of stuff.This is all from his perspective.The fact that he said it upset him to see Mike Sam kiss his bf is wretched and a awful thing to say.

  • Marcus Alston to say 'MOST'' is just wrong. That same shade can be reversed. I dated a white guy once and his friends shaded him and asked him. 'Why do you date those type of guys'? So the hypocrisy works BOTH ways. And it's not a matter of 'well this one does it more than that one'. That isn't the issue if anyone does regardless of RACE it's wrong! RACISN has far too long been a issue in the LGBTQ Community and no one has ever once thought of sitting down and discussing it!

  • Marcus Alston to say 'MOST'' is just wrong. That same shade can be reversed. I dated a white guy once and his friends shaded him and asked him. 'Why do you date those type of guys'? So the hypocrisy works BOTH ways. And it's not a matter of 'well this one does it more than that one'. That isn't the issue if anyone does regardless of RACE it's wrong! RACISN has far too long been a issue in the LGBTQ Community and no one has ever once thought of sitting down and discussing it!

  • Marcus LaTwan Alston

    Efrem Capers from my experiences with it I can say MOST.When I'm walking down the street holding my White DaddyBear hands black folks all the time got shit to say I never ever hear anything from a white person about who I date or who I'm holding hands with.More of this shit comes from black folks with my experiences.So thats why i say most.

  • Marcus LaTwan Alston

    Efrem Capers from my experiences with it I can say MOST.When I'm walking down the street holding my White DaddyBear hands black folks all the time got shit to say I never ever hear anything from a white person about who I date or who I'm holding hands with.More of this shit comes from black folks with my experiences.So thats why i say most.

  • Deryl L Richardson Jr.

    Interesting how a non-black person speaks on behalf of all black people. I'm black and I don't even do that.

  • Deryl L Richardson Jr.

    Interesting how a non-black person speaks on behalf of all black people. I'm black and I don't even do that.

  • Marcus LaTwan Alston

    Leonardo DaVinci Barnette Yo i also went to WestOver Sr high

  • Marcus LaTwan Alston

    Leonardo DaVinci Barnette Yo i also went to WestOver Sr high

  • U can't help who u like. I say let's work on getting more black gay men comfortable with being out and involved.

  • U can't help who u like. I say let's work on getting more black gay men comfortable with being out and involved.

  • I know the intentions of this editorial are meant to open our eyes on race. For me they have. I realize the media does not portray same gender same race relationships for people of color. That needs to change. I don't think the people need to change. I think the stories that we share need to change. Giving more voice to people of color in same race same gender relationships would go a long ways. Pictures of the two men of color raising a family that swept through twitter highlight that fact. People need to see more of that.

  • I know the intentions of this editorial are meant to open our eyes on race. For me they have. I realize the media does not portray same gender same race relationships for people of color. That needs to change. I don't think the people need to change. I think the stories that we share need to change. Giving more voice to people of color in same race same gender relationships would go a long ways. Pictures of the two men of color raising a family that swept through twitter highlight that fact. People need to see more of that.

  • Monique Thompson

    Ok love is love. I matter the race. I have had relationships with both black amd white men. I am married to a white man. I fell in love with him for who he is not for the color of his skin. I am a back woman raising three young black men. They can love who they want no matter the race. When will the media and society stop portraying who a person loves as a matter of race. Instead of matters of the heart.

  • Monique Thompson

    Ok love is love. I matter the race. I have had relationships with both black amd white men. I am married to a white man. I fell in love with him for who he is not for the color of his skin. I am a back woman raising three young black men. They can love who they want no matter the race. When will the media and society stop portraying who a person loves as a matter of race. Instead of matters of the heart.

  • i think we have to consider what a high profile Black gay person's options are socially to better understand why certain choices are made. Because social acceptance within the broader Black community is at best evolving, certainly you can expect that there arent that many available Black Gay men or Women in the available pool to choose from at this point. Yes i agree that it is sort of a cunumdrum that the general is introduced to the concept of legitimate love in this form, and in my opinion, this exacerbates the notion that the Gay persuasion is stems mostly from White culture. Which in my estimation is hogwash. But i'll take the half loaf, with Sams coming out, in hopes that as more of the Black public gets exposure to the idea of loving Black Gay couples, that it will not be as much of a challenge for Black gay men and women to find partners within any social strata. One can only hope.

  • i think we have to consider what a high profile Black gay person's options are socially to better understand why certain choices are made. Because social acceptance within the broader Black community is at best evolving, certainly you can expect that there arent that many available Black Gay men or Women in the available pool to choose from at this point. Yes i agree that it is sort of a cunumdrum that the general is introduced to the concept of legitimate love in this form, and in my opinion, this exacerbates the notion that the Gay persuasion is stems mostly from White culture. Which in my estimation is hogwash. But i'll take the half loaf, with Sams coming out, in hopes that as more of the Black public gets exposure to the idea of loving Black Gay couples, that it will not be as much of a challenge for Black gay men and women to find partners within any social strata. One can only hope.

  • Bottom line…. what the hell does it matter what color skin they have? Do these two people love each other? WELL APPARENTLY SO, they are lip locked and have shown great affection for each other? Why does skin color have ANYTHING to do with it? The thing that DOES matter is what's inside. Their hearts, and it doesn't matter if it's a gay couple, a straight couple, it's their hearts. There's no pigmentation to anyone's heart.

  • Bottom line…. what the hell does it matter what color skin they have? Do these two people love each other? WELL APPARENTLY SO, they are lip locked and have shown great affection for each other? Why does skin color have ANYTHING to do with it? The thing that DOES matter is what's inside. Their hearts, and it doesn't matter if it's a gay couple, a straight couple, it's their hearts. There's no pigmentation to anyone's heart.

  • Russell Deason

    Thank you Orville Lloyd Douglas (OLD – definitely appropriate) for writing vapid, race-baiting, sudo-journalistic drivel.

  • Russell Deason

    Thank you Orville Lloyd Douglas (OLD – definitely appropriate) for writing vapid, race-baiting, sudo-journalistic drivel.

  • Marty Courtney

    All in all, this sounds pretty racist and bitter.

  • Marty Courtney

    All in all, this sounds pretty racist and bitter.

  • Dominic G Accardi

    I can honestly say I don't understand this article. But I want to ask the author this, should Micheal Sam date a black guy to stop sending a mixed message? I have dated a couple of black men in the past I think we fall for people not the color of their skin.

    http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/nov/09/i-hate-being-a-black-man

  • Dominic G Accardi

    I can honestly say I don't understand this article. But I want to ask the author this, should Micheal Sam date a black guy to stop sending a mixed message? I have dated a couple of black men in the past I think we fall for people not the color of their skin.

    http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/nov/09/i-hate-being-a-black-man

  • This is a very reductive article. It doesn't do much to move the conversation forward except raise the issue, which is an important one to deal with. If you go off of the author's premise, that "due to the homophobia in black culture, some black gay people just want to be accepted and I can understand that. Some black gays believe to assimilate into the white gay mainstream they can obtain social acceptance," it would mean to argue that white LGBT communities are "not racist" (if Black LGBT people seek acceptance within them) and/or that Black LGBT communities are "more homophobic" than white LGBT communities, which is nothing more than internalized racist bullshit–bullshit that has been repudiated by social science research (http://www.socialjusticesexuality.com/).

    Writers need to stop perpetuating the notion that Black culture is more/inherently homophobic; there is homophobia everywhere and there is acceptance everywhere. A nuanced conversation about why "some" (perhaps many) Black gay men prefer white partners must contend with internalized racism, internalized homophobia, colorism, and other systems of oppression that warp our conceptions of acceptance, self-love, and attraction.

  • This is a very reductive article. It doesn't do much to move the conversation forward except raise the issue, which is an important one to deal with. If you go off of the author's premise, that "due to the homophobia in black culture, some black gay people just want to be accepted and I can understand that. Some black gays believe to assimilate into the white gay mainstream they can obtain social acceptance," it would mean to argue that white LGBT communities are "not racist" (if Black LGBT people seek acceptance within them) and/or that Black LGBT communities are "more homophobic" than white LGBT communities, which is nothing more than internalized racist bullshit–bullshit that has been repudiated by social science research (http://www.socialjusticesexuality.com/).

    Writers need to stop perpetuating the notion that Black culture is more/inherently homophobic; there is homophobia everywhere and there is acceptance everywhere. A nuanced conversation about why "some" (perhaps many) Black gay men prefer white partners must contend with internalized racism, internalized homophobia, colorism, and other systems of oppression that warp our conceptions of acceptance, self-love, and attraction.

  • Diepiriye Sungumote Kuku-Siemons

    To start: Black love is radical. We live in such a loveless society that any two Black people loving each other DOES BEAT the odds (bell hooks explains this well in most of her works- #KYwritersRock). This article has many valid points, but fails to acknowledge that in general, gay couples cross ALL the lines that str8s upheld forever. Yes, we have more cross- -class, -age, -religious, and -racial relationships.

    The article was also right in the idea that Black gays experience most DIRECT homophobia from people just like us (the indirect homophobia is, of course, FROM dominant society whose exclusion is institutional, e.g. DOMA, job & housing discrimination, and most of what happened before Stonewall!).

    So, even in my own experience (I am Black and married to a German) the subjective feeling of being called "fag" is from other Black people. Even today as we sat together near a fountain in the center of Barcelona, we could see many folks notice us, but it was groups of Blacks who made their disdain most evident. This, I believe, is so certainly many of us may simply find Blacks as unlovable, and why it's so crucial that we decolonize our minds, and unlearn the lovelessness so that when we do fall in love across boundaries, it's not idol worship or exotification, but genuine human interest.

  • Diepiriye Sungumote Kuku-Siemons

    To start: Black love is radical. We live in such a loveless society that any two Black people loving each other DOES BEAT the odds (bell hooks explains this well in most of her works- #KYwritersRock). This article has many valid points, but fails to acknowledge that in general, gay couples cross ALL the lines that str8s upheld forever. Yes, we have more cross- -class, -age, -religious, and -racial relationships.

    The article was also right in the idea that Black gays experience most DIRECT homophobia from people just like us (the indirect homophobia is, of course, FROM dominant society whose exclusion is institutional, e.g. DOMA, job & housing discrimination, and most of what happened before Stonewall!).

    So, even in my own experience (I am Black and married to a German) the subjective feeling of being called "fag" is from other Black people. Even today as we sat together near a fountain in the center of Barcelona, we could see many folks notice us, but it was groups of Blacks who made their disdain most evident. This, I believe, is so certainly many of us may simply find Blacks as unlovable, and why it's so crucial that we decolonize our minds, and unlearn the lovelessness so that when we do fall in love across boundaries, it's not idol worship or exotification, but genuine human interest.

  • Ultimate prize… Let's not put white men a pedestal. I have date white men also and they are not a prize ..they come with baggage,hang ups,and problems just like ALL MEN. So you can lay that ultimate prize crap to rest… I am really insulted by that statement that it's cultural…don't speak on cultural until you walked daily in our shoes.

  • Ultimate prize… Let's not put white men a pedestal. I have date white men also and they are not a prize ..they come with baggage,hang ups,and problems just like ALL MEN. So you can lay that ultimate prize crap to rest… I am really insulted by that statement that it's cultural…don't speak on cultural until you walked daily in our shoes.

  • Interracial coupling isn't a thing to make note of anymore, or so I thought. I mean, it was for my grandpa, but come on. O.L.D. might perpetuate the idea there is a white male standard of beauty, but doesn't that ring a little bit hollow when you see how handsome Michael Sam and Derrick Gordon are?

  • Interracial coupling isn't a thing to make note of anymore, or so I thought. I mean, it was for my grandpa, but come on. O.L.D. might perpetuate the idea there is a white male standard of beauty, but doesn't that ring a little bit hollow when you see how handsome Michael Sam and Derrick Gordon are?

  • Jesus Roberto Rivera

    As a gay man from mixed racial backgrounds, I have to say this is the biggest load of crap i have read in a long time. Who gives a fuck who Michael Sam dates? Why is it that what we have heard from the "white" community is "Look, Michael Sam has a bf, arent they cute together?" and what we hear from some of the black community is either "Eww he is dating a white guy" or "What, aren't black guys good enough for him?" or a combination of both.

    So my question is: Why REALLY is being colorblind here? Why is it that for one group the race of the involved parties is inconsequential and for the other one is? We have spent decades fighting racism and perceptions that people of color are less than and when something like this happens it is people of color who use race to bring a brother down?

    You are going to have to forgive me but this load of shit needs to be sent to thee 50s where it belongs.

  • Jesus Roberto Rivera

    As a gay man from mixed racial backgrounds, I have to say this is the biggest load of crap i have read in a long time. Who gives a fuck who Michael Sam dates? Why is it that what we have heard from the "white" community is "Look, Michael Sam has a bf, arent they cute together?" and what we hear from some of the black community is either "Eww he is dating a white guy" or "What, aren't black guys good enough for him?" or a combination of both.

    So my question is: Why REALLY is being colorblind here? Why is it that for one group the race of the involved parties is inconsequential and for the other one is? We have spent decades fighting racism and perceptions that people of color are less than and when something like this happens it is people of color who use race to bring a brother down?

    You are going to have to forgive me but this load of shit needs to be sent to thee 50s where it belongs.

  • Mr. Douglas you should be ashamed of yourself for writing this horrible article. Love is Love! Period! In 2006, you wrote "TV Still Stereotyping black women". And that is what YOU are doing now: stereotyping gay Black males.

  • Mr. Douglas you should be ashamed of yourself for writing this horrible article. Love is Love! Period! In 2006, you wrote "TV Still Stereotyping black women". And that is what YOU are doing now: stereotyping gay Black males.

  • "Writers need to stop perpetuating the notion that Black culture is homophobic."

    It's not a notion. It's an unfortunate fact.

  • "Writers need to stop perpetuating the notion that Black culture is homophobic."

    It's not a notion. It's an unfortunate fact.

  • Mario da Penha

    Kuku, I miss your empathy. Sending love.

  • Mario da Penha

    Kuku, I miss your empathy. Sending love.

  • now that sounds stereotypical at best

  • now that sounds stereotypical at best

  • Yes, lets promote "Black Love" with that vicious brand of racial supremacy and contempt that we so enjoy waving in the faces of white folks while we scream "Racism!" at them for doing the same. Hypocrisy living and breathing on the Left these days.

  • Yes, lets promote "Black Love" with that vicious brand of racial supremacy and contempt that we so enjoy waving in the faces of white folks while we scream "Racism!" at them for doing the same. Hypocrisy living and breathing on the Left these days.

  • Oh, honey, you need to stop thinking so hard. You have a political agenda that you are trying to apply to the crazy unpredictable thing called romantic attraction. What turns someone on is what turns someone on. I remember this hot guy in volleyball. Sexy lean white kid. I wanted him so bad. But he only liked black men. It happens. Stop trying to analyze it. Celebrate diversity. Celebrate that it doesn't matter what race you are. And get over it already. There's an openly gay athlete in the NFL. Try not to turn it into something else altogether.

  • Oh, honey, you need to stop thinking so hard. You have a political agenda that you are trying to apply to the crazy unpredictable thing called romantic attraction. What turns someone on is what turns someone on. I remember this hot guy in volleyball. Sexy lean white kid. I wanted him so bad. But he only liked black men. It happens. Stop trying to analyze it. Celebrate diversity. Celebrate that it doesn't matter what race you are. And get over it already. There's an openly gay athlete in the NFL. Try not to turn it into something else altogether.

  • Black men date other Black men at a much higher rate.

  • Black men date other Black men at a much higher rate.

  • He probably read an article on theRoot.com and now thinks he's an expert on Black men.

  • He probably read an article on theRoot.com and now thinks he's an expert on Black men.

  • This article makes no sense and is contradictory. Its reflective of the authors own insecurity. I don’t understand why someone needs to assert some blanket rule over love and race. Instead of writing negatively on interracial gay relationships how about you highlight Black Love, Get real. I guess you needed to write something to get the clicks.

  • So much for "post-racial" America!

  • So much for "post-racial" America!

  • Efrem Capers Clearly it DOES bother you, alot. You should speak for yourself. Fortunately we aren't all racist like you.

  • Efrem Capers Clearly it DOES bother you, alot. You should speak for yourself. Fortunately we aren't all racist like you.

  • There is no such thing as "people of color". It is an entirely poltical construct designed to further separate us. We are ALL "of color" and you're a dumb white Liberal.

  • There is no such thing as "people of color". It is an entirely poltical construct designed to further separate us. We are ALL "of color" and you're a dumb white Liberal.

  • Besides,they're both hot as fuck.

  • Besides,they're both hot as fuck.

  • Sage Saturn Nenyue

    This.. All of this. thank you.

  • Sage Saturn Nenyue

    This.. All of this. thank you.

  • Anyone can be racist. this entire idea sits on top of a bullshit premise.There are way more Black on Black gay relationships than interracial. I say Bless Michael Sam's heart, there's a WHOLE LOTTA HATIN goin on amongst our people.

  • Anyone can be racist. this entire idea sits on top of a bullshit premise.There are way more Black on Black gay relationships than interracial. I say Bless Michael Sam's heart, there's a WHOLE LOTTA HATIN goin on amongst our people.

  • THEY ARE LOOK AROUND!!!

  • THEY ARE LOOK AROUND!!!

  • The comments here are funny as hell! I'll leave it at that! Regardless of this author's perception. RACISM in this community has been long standing and no one has ever wanted to discuss it!

  • The comments here are funny as hell! I'll leave it at that! Regardless of this author's perception. RACISM in this community has been long standing and no one has ever wanted to discuss it!

  • Racism indeed. Funny there's sure no shortage of people discussing it on this page.

  • Racism indeed. Funny there's sure no shortage of people discussing it on this page.

  • Ken you are SO on point with that comment, sadly popular Liberal politics will silence your wisdom.

  • Ken you are SO on point with that comment, sadly popular Liberal politics will silence your wisdom.

  • If "Black Love" is "radical" then interracial love is REVOLUTIONARY. It wasn't even legalized until 1967. Even now there are far more Black on Black relationships than interracial.

  • If "Black Love" is "radical" then interracial love is REVOLUTIONARY. It wasn't even legalized until 1967. Even now there are far more Black on Black relationships than interracial.

  • It is a complete and utter misconception to suggest that Black gay men date interracially more than we date our own. Forget about blaming "the media" the question this writer should be asking is why don't we date outside our race MORE than we do.

  • It is a complete and utter misconception to suggest that Black gay men date interracially more than we date our own. Forget about blaming "the media" the question this writer should be asking is why don't we date outside our race MORE than we do.

  • David Drumgold

    Wrong message !!! How idiotic. Who you fall in love with is not meant to send ANY message other than that you are in love……..on the other side of the coin. SADLY is the Cosby Kid syndrome. Often…socially the African American is glamorized/romanticized for a "hood"/"lack of opportunity" . ( I was shocked that many blacks found the Cosby Show a white washed show as opposed to something to aspire to.) Often the educated or merely well spoken are shunned as being Uncle Tom's or of not staying black. With very few, if any blacks, in your soci- economic gatherings many are simply choosing from the pool they are in. I doubt seriously that today it is sought as a trophy of being upward or superior or simply a goal 'identity' as prescribed in the article or most certainly far less.

  • David Drumgold

    Wrong message !!! How idiotic. Who you fall in love with is not meant to send ANY message other than that you are in love……..on the other side of the coin. SADLY is the Cosby Kid syndrome. Often…socially the African American is glamorized/romanticized for a "hood"/"lack of opportunity" . ( I was shocked that many blacks found the Cosby Show a white washed show as opposed to something to aspire to.) Often the educated or merely well spoken are shunned as being Uncle Tom's or of not staying black. With very few, if any blacks, in your soci- economic gatherings many are simply choosing from the pool they are in. I doubt seriously that today it is sought as a trophy of being upward or superior or simply a goal 'identity' as prescribed in the article or most certainly far less.

  • Aside from this author’s obvious contempt for white folks, his entire premise that “Black men date whites” is completely incorrect. As within any racial or ethnic group the vast majority of our men date other Black men. The question we should all be asking is why aren’t we dating more outside of our race?

  • Wait a minute? You:re black!

  • Wait a minute? You:re black!

  • Robert Marquez

    I had no idea love had a color, apparently it comes in black and shouldn't be mixed with white. I almost can't believe that this is an issue after all the battles our community has had to fight in order to gain even an inkling of the equality that we deserve. The fight for equality is far from over, and THIS is where you want to go with it? Talk about 2 steps forward, 1 step back. This feels like a Spike Lee movie waiting to happen.

  • Robert Marquez

    I had no idea love had a color, apparently it comes in black and shouldn't be mixed with white. I almost can't believe that this is an issue after all the battles our community has had to fight in order to gain even an inkling of the equality that we deserve. The fight for equality is far from over, and THIS is where you want to go with it? Talk about 2 steps forward, 1 step back. This feels like a Spike Lee movie waiting to happen.

  • Will Smith and his music and lyrics is another example of what you speak.

  • Will Smith and his music and lyrics is another example of what you speak.

  • Back in my college days…eons ago…there was this hot white guy that back in those days we'd call a "butch/flamer"…made no attempt to hide his dislike for "chocolate queens"…and I wasn't "after" him either, but he was friends of friends of mine…no problem…..flash forward to the early 90's NYC, "flame" extinguished, he's here on a business trip and we meet by chance. He bought be several drinks "I was SO mean to you in college…PLEASE forgive me…in the last 10yrs, all my boyfriends have been black."

    But most of us don't see that "turn around"…just judge on the spot.

    P.S. – I did…I never really "hated" him anyway…I know immaturity when I see it.

  • Back in my college days…eons ago…there was this hot white guy that back in those days we'd call a "butch/flamer"…made no attempt to hide his dislike for "chocolate queens"…and I wasn't "after" him either, but he was friends of friends of mine…no problem…..flash forward to the early 90's NYC, "flame" extinguished, he's here on a business trip and we meet by chance. He bought be several drinks "I was SO mean to you in college…PLEASE forgive me…in the last 10yrs, all my boyfriends have been black."

    But most of us don't see that "turn around"…just judge on the spot.

    P.S. – I did…I never really "hated" him anyway…I know immaturity when I see it.

  • Now, to "sorta" address what the article is talking about specifically…Why does anyone's love/sex life have to reflect "group-think?" Does ANYONE do the "dirty" after a committee vote?

    (the committee of "sex, drugs and rock n roll being the ONLY exception…but i jest)

  • Now, to "sorta" address what the article is talking about specifically…Why does anyone's love/sex life have to reflect "group-think?" Does ANYONE do the "dirty" after a committee vote?

    (the committee of "sex, drugs and rock n roll being the ONLY exception…but i jest)

  • What a stupid article. Don't you guys have some real journalists to choose from?

  • What a stupid article. Don't you guys have some real journalists to choose from?

  • As a Black predominately gay bisexual, I'll say this…

    It's because Whites are the ones more accepting of us mild-mannered Black males. For Black guys who often show interest in me are ones fitting the stereotypes of either Black homo-thug, overcompensating sexually aggressive Black male, or too flamboyant. In short, most Black guys take their sexual roles to an extreme. An extreme mild-mannered Black people like myself are turned off by having as a mate.
    So of course a mild-mannered Black person is out there. But they are very hard to find. And I for one am open to dating one should he come my way.
    I can go deeper into this. But that's the concise answer I'll give for now.

  • As a Black predominately gay bisexual, I'll say this…

    It's because Whites are the ones more accepting of us mild-mannered Black males. For Black guys who often show interest in me are ones fitting the stereotypes of either Black homo-thug, overcompensating sexually aggressive Black male, or too flamboyant. In short, most Black guys take their sexual roles to an extreme. An extreme mild-mannered Black people like myself are turned off by having as a mate.
    So of course a mild-mannered Black person is out there. But they are very hard to find. And I for one am open to dating one should he come my way.
    I can go deeper into this. But that's the concise answer I'll give for now.

  • Johnny V. Boykins

    Thank you. This article reductive rationale and irrational premise is numbing. It makes for good internet crap…to get people to click!!

  • Johnny V. Boykins

    Thank you. This article reductive rationale and irrational premise is numbing. It makes for good internet crap…to get people to click!!

  • I read the article….I don't think being gay has got anything to do with the race thing…. I just cringe when people put some "reason" people choose who they love.

  • I read the article….I don't think being gay has got anything to do with the race thing…. I just cringe when people put some "reason" people choose who they love.

  • “I believe these out black gay public figures are sending mixed messages to the black community. Does a black gay person have to be with a white person in order to obtain social acceptance?”

    They are not tools for sending out the messages that YOU deem necessary. They are human beings, with the right to choose whom they want as partners, regardless of race. You presume that they are choosing their partners “in order to obtain social acceptance”. That sounds like your issue, not theirs.

    People are very often attracted to people who are a different physical type or ethnicity; “out black gay public figures” have no obligation to you to act otherwise.

  • Orville Lloyd Douglas wrote: “People have a right to love whomever they desire.”

    This I agree with.

    “However, it would be foolish to ignore a clear pattern where black gay public figures come out yet are hypocritical.”

    This is false. Someone’s choice in a partner has nothing to do with hypocrisy. Just because you have a problem with it does not justify throwing that label around. Regardless of anything else, it is completely out of bounds to criticize other people’s choice of partners. We must begin with respect for each other. In this case, Michael Sam was not a celebrity when he became involved with Vito Cammisano. I don’t know the demographics at Mizzou, but it may have been in part a result of more of the available men having been white.

    Another point: if you want respect, you should give respect. Can we please try to resist the use of “twink” as a dismissive term? Cammisano was a fellow athlete at Mizzou (a swimmer), with his own story and hopes and dreams, and does not deserve to be reduced to that label. I know someone (an older white man) who dates cute young white guys and refers to them as twinks. He is not looking for a husband. He appears happy with his life, so there is no point in feeling pity for him; nor do I wish to be presumptuous. A certain humility is in order given that we do not know one another’s struggles. But most of us seek more in our personal lives than just an attractive person with whom to pass the time.

    The writer raises some valid concerns, and they bear discussing; but they can be raised without passing judgment on other people’s choice of lovers. Incidentally, to throw something else into the mix: I have seen polls that show many black women oppose gay marriage because they feel there are few enough marriageable black men without some of them being taken off the market by another man, especially a white man. This reflects a denial of people’s gayness that reinforces social pressures for gay men to have fake girlfriends, as Derrick Gordon discussed. The last thing any sane and humane person should want is for gay people to pretend to be straight.

    When I met my own partner of nearly 13 years, who is from the Democratic Republic of the Congo, I was not looking for a date nor expecting to meet my future husband. I certainly was not attempting to set a standard for others to follow. Patrick and I simply made a connection, and it turned out to be an enduring one despite many hurdles. We love one another. Issues of self-esteem and rejection by one’s community need to be dealt with, but not by treating people as pawns in a political or social program. We can work toward a day when no gay people feel rejected or devalued by the community in which they grew up, without presuming to judge their individual choices.

  • I have an issue of making general statements of a group of people without some type of research involved. Which is why people might find this not only offensive but quite two dimensional. As a biracial person I find myself dating all types of people and a big portion might be white only because of the percentage of gay men I come across is heavily white oriented (that is changing though). I look for similar interest, and a connection and it has nothing to do with your skin tone. I will take this article as a self reflection on Orville since it is only assumptions.

  • Better question: how on earth could the author possibly think that who Michael Sam — or anyone else, for that matter — dates is any of his business?

  • Cameron Williams

    This is a very hot topic in my group "gay black and proud" and I don't agree it's necessarily self hated. I mean most people like to date someone that they have a lot in common with right? So let's look at Michael Sam. An openly gay sports figure. How many openly gay black sports figures do you know of? There are plenty of bruthas in sports but they're all DL and you know it. I know very few black sports figures that would kiss their boyfriend in public like that. So it makes sense to me that his boyfriend would be white.

    You can apply this same logic to a lot of celebrities. I mean Don Lemon his boyfriend is also involved in TV journalism. How many openly gay black men are there involved in news casting? See where I'm going with this?

  • How can this man say, "People have a right to love whomever they desire" and also say all of the rest of the (sorry to say) bigoted things he said. E.g., "When Michael Sam kissed his white twink boyfriend Vito Cammisano, I cringed." That sentence is so offensive on SO many levels. his "white" "twink" boyfriend. You don't know either of these men. You don't know who they are in private, how they met, why the love each other (hell, even IF they love each other), what their motivations are, etc. SHAME on you Orville Lloyd Douglas for the things you wrote in this article–time to take a long look in the mirror. By suggesting that out "celebrity" black gay people should date other black people in order to rectify some image issue that YOU have is as bad as telling gay men to just date women!! You are as bad as anti-gay oppressors. If you truyl believe in a person's right to love whomever they desire, then why did you write this article?! I'm disgusted (but clearly not dumbstruck!)

  • wtf does politics have to do with this …its not a right or left thing.Leave your political views out of this

  • Why should it even matter! Love is love! Too many people pay too much attention to race & Ethnicity. Let just love & uplift each other. The world would be a better place for all. It starts with you, me & you & you & you

  • I just don't see rich whites marrying poor blacks. It's always a rich or soon-to-be black person marrying a poor white person. If love is so color blind, why it is that I never see rich whites people marrying poor black people…I almost never see rich white athletes and celebrities marrying poor black people. Another thing I have noticed over the years is the whites married to blacks will be racist-to-the-core.

  • What's sad is these poor whites would never ever give some of these rich blacks the time of time if they did not have money! I see this situation every day. Black people need to wake up and stop self hating yourself!

  • Marcus Alston I don't know what bubble you live in but racism has always been political. Not sure how one leaves politics out of a political conversation.

  • same reason Black straight celebs do.

  • Great piece, Orville. In order to be a celebrity you have to be accepted by white mainstream culture, which reduces the chances of finding a like-minded conscious life partner. But we have to, be who we are WITHOUT FEAR OF SHAME. This hasn't stopped us in the past, and it wont stop us in the future. The odds were never in our favor, but that's never stopped us…

  • If black love is so radical why are you in a interracial relationship? You speak of the most disdain you got in Barcelona was from other blacks. Is that the reason you have a white partner because of the homophobia in black/African cultures?

  • Who the hell told you were a prize? You gotta love white male patriarchy and the entitlement that come with it entitlements that lead to shootings.

  • Bruce P. Majors

    I understand why the author wants to see more public and famous black couples including same sex couples. But I am curious – do black gay celebrities marry or date people of other ethnic groups more often than black heterosexual celebrities? Tiger Woods, Susan Rice, Kanye West, Tina Turner….

  • I am with a white man, because I fell deeply in love with him and have been going strong for about three years. I never once sat around and thought, wow he's white. I don't really care. I'm significantly confused to why we can't just date who we fall in love with rather than what the color of the skin is.

    Also, I disagree with the last paragraph, because in order to be in a relationship with these people, they have became high profile in some sort of way. These celebrities are dating they're partners, because they are in love. I doubt for one second did they sit around and say, "I need to find a white partner." Because if that were the case, they wouldn't have lasted nearly as long as they are going.

    We judge so strongly for people that hate, but I find it more despicable that people still judge people even stronger for people that love.

  • What the fuck are you talking about?

  • Marcus Alston SMH

  • Of course it matters and that's kind of the problem. I don't understand what the issue is. The author mentioned a handful of people and he's talking about it like it's calcifying the whole black gay community. We go through this over and over with some black women as well, who think all black men just want white women when it's obviously not the case.

  • MANY? Yeah right. When black men marry, they marry black women 8 times out of 10 and I'm sure most gay black men are in relationships with other black men as well. We see a minority of interracial couples and we go, "they're all doing it." I don't get it.

  • I'm not understanding what the author wants, especially from Michael Sam. Sam was dating the guy before he even came out, before he was a celebrity, so what was he supposed to do? Abscond the boyfriend and find someone more appropriate to appease the author and the black community? I get that we should see more gay celebs of color in happy relationships, but more celebs of color are going to have to come out. Putting one's societal frustrations out on a small handful of people who in some cases were already in the relationship before their celebrity isn't really going to get us anywhere.

  • TonyboyWonders I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the original poster. But then again, I have no idea what you're on about. When did Liberals start hating white people again? And what does that have to do with the article?

  • Really Marcus? What do you call this article? There is racism in our community.

  • TonyboyWonders UMMMMM Sorry there isn't NOTHING WRONG with two Black Men loving each other. Assimilation in many cases is natural and everyone isn't racist. So there's nothing wrong with BLACK LOVE. Would you tell two white men they're wrong for loving each other?

  • Efrem Capers You never see two black men together on huffington gay post there is more white guys than black annoys me.I love seeing BLACK LOVE it's a beautiful thing Efrem you get ten points today…

  • Thouse Dafalcon I could care less for him honestly..

  • Thouse Dafalcon And what race do you date mostly?

  • Marcus Alston Obviously you're around some strange Black folks. As a member of The Bear Community myself for nearly 20 years and has travelled to many bear events in and outside the US. There is a small percentage of white men that are into Black Men and again there is nothing wrong with that different strokes for different folks! But according to your experiences that sounds more like being paranoid more than anything. To assume that some Blacks have an issue with you because you're with your "Daddy Bear" may be but I'm sure it wasn't with every black person that has passed you in transit. I'm sure you're not the only Black guy in DC dating white Bears and I'm sure whoever these people are is less than 1% of the DC Black gay population. So don't give Black Gay men a bad name on here because you choose to date other if you keep having bad experiences with Black Men maybe its time for all to re-examine ones self! Again I haven't seen a race yet that doesn't have 'some' who may resent interracial relationships. Including Caucasians. We're all guilty of that. But do you and BE HAPPY!

  • TonyboyWonders That's why we have a Tea Party and GOP and Log Cabin Republicans!

  • Thouse Dafalcon You're correct and ALL RACES are guilty of it!

  • TonyboyWonders PROVE MY RACISM I ASKED THE QUESTION: Is there something wrong with BLACK LOVE? You came with a BULLSHIT response! Go elsewhere with that. There was nothing racist in asking that question!

  • I know a lot of mixed race couples strait and gay. A buddy of mine is a gay white man and has been with his black lover for years, another buddy of mine is a strait white man and been with his black girlfriend for years another buddy of mine is a white girl who dates mostly men of Indian decent (the from India not from the United States). While I’m not a psychologist, nor do I think the person that wrote this article is a psychologist or apt to even speak his opinion with any validity more than any other cultured person on this planet. I think some of this idea boils down to people wanting to be with a person less familiar and just that someone different than what they’re used to and race is an easy thing to pick out. This article definitely comes across as extremely prejudice and while the writer may think he has ‘good-intentions’ he’s shaming and looking down on a man who did break barriers, he’s shaming a man while at the same time implying that shaming people for their race or sexuality is wrong, based solely on his opinion. He’s hiding under the fact that he’s a gay black man who wrote this article and using it to hate on another gay black man. Who gives a shit if his lover was purple, while it’s an interesting point to raise, using the phrase ‘I cringed when he kissed the white twink’ is strait-up racist. I have friends that say it sickens them when they see a black man and a white woman. That’s also racist. But I know several black woman that date predominately white men, and always it’s a personal choice. If some of these people pick their lovers for PR reasons (as is the case with a lot of celebrity that in fact is true and a good question the article is I think trying to ask) than shame on them for doing that. But other than that one very specific reason, who cares, white, black, hispanic, chinese, mutant, purple, seriously unless it’s a kid than who cares who someone loves. It’s disrespectful, rude, and wrong to judge people’s relationships from a distance unless you think it’s abusive. And if the writer of this article thinks he’s in an abusive relationship than this article certainly isn’t the write way to tell him. Eventually their will be a gay black celebrity with a gay black lover, and a gay Chinese celebrity with his gay Chinese lover and no one will care. And that’ll be a great day. Cause I con’t care but I’m sick of racism being disguised as concern. That pardon the expression, concerns me. Society is moving to far ahead in equal rights to be derailed by self loathing and micromanaging hate.

  • Leon A Taylor I restrict my dating to the Human race.

  • This is definitely super racist. "When Michael Sam kissed his white twink boyfriend Vito Cammisano, I cringed." He had a violent gut reaction based on race. I read this article twice and I also know tons of mixed race couples on all sides of the coin, gay and strait, who have quite a variety of lovers in race, hobbies; ect. I think a lot of that boils down not to just image but to people wanting to be with someone that is different than them and race is an easy thing to notice. Why is it when there is so much progress in the ways of equal rights are within those minorities haters who tend to go in circles on the minutia of the statistics they don't even belong in. Clearly based on his vitriol the writer of this article probably doesn't have or wouldn't even dream of having a white lover. The writer of this article isn't a psychologist and is no more apt to write it than I am. (which is especially sad because to my knowledge I'm strait and white) But racism disguised as concern is still racist. If he's (Michael Sam) dating a white man out of publicity and to quote 'look better in the public eye' than absolutely shame on him and truth will out. But if this article is claiming he and all those other people are without a single shred of proof than he's simply a gay black man stirring up hatred for another gay black man whose idea of love is slightly different then his own. Eventually there will be a gay black celebrity and he or she will have a gay black lover and on that day I sincerely hope it is not even newsworthy and no one will care and the whole world is way past caring about other peoples relationships unless they are abusive. This article tries to raise a point about celebrity and what it means to 'look' one way in the public eye but without a shred of proof it comes off as an incomplete racist opinion article. I wished he'd offered less of an opinion and more of an example to give weight and credence to his opinion. I'd give it some validity if that were the case it is not though. I give him some props for trying to raise what he thinks a concern-able point but when you use words like 'cringe' in a clearly negative context than he's clearly trying to stir up hate for someone that may not even fall in the category of celeb he thinks he is and that is a very shameful way to write an article. He even clearly said 'they seem to be in love' and dismissed the very concern of his article in his own article. There was a man named Bruce Lee many years ago who was chastised both for immersing himself in 'white culture' and teaching 'chinese culture' to 'white people' and the people who told Bruce not to share his culture were racist. The practice of preserving a culture for the sake of excluding people not of a particular skin color is racist. The more races, sexes, and everything mixes into a variety of cultures the less it will be to even notice how 'different something is' and hate someone for it. That's where the human race is moving anyways it has everything to do with cultural and in some cases actual evolution and the tiny details of yes 'being accepted' that he considers shameful but are actual normal aspects of an increasingly accepting society and also evolution. Preserving an ideal for the sake of preserving in response to progress is wrong and this man is suggesting that all gay black men should feel the same way he does is shameful and sends the wrong message even if he's not explicitly saying it speaking of "subliminal", even if in his heart he's trying to send a good message (he thinks). "These black gay public figures with white partners are just following the standard quo." <- he used the word 'are' instead of 'might be', which is another sign of a very amateur writer. I know way too many mixed race couples gay and strait to let this article suggest that to be a proud person you should date within your race. What a shitty thing for him to suggest how he thinks people should do there business. "These black gay public figures tell society they are proud to be black and gay yet having a black gay partner by their side they are apathetic to it." <- It isn't his choice who they are with. Truth will out, if they have partners for the wrong reasons, truth will out, but without a shred of proof this article is most certainly un-appologetically racist. Saying that he and maybe you who agree knows what is best for society (Be it gay black society, gay white society, gay society, strait society, people who like S&M society, people who are cat people or people who are dog people society) is at its core the very thing that is wrong and would piss you off in a different context. Example: If a strait person told you you would be better off with a woman you would be just as offended as if this man told these people they would be happier with someone from a different race than who they are currently with. I sincerely hope you see how much of a horrible self hating backwards double standard this article really is. While cleverly trying to disguise itself as being something else. Racism disguised as concern for ones race is still racist. I don't think anyone should be proud of their race because I think the circumstances of which are arbitrary. And I always think love is much more important. The writer of this articles concern about race is just plain sad and the wrong message. If any person is in a relationship with another person for the wrong reasons that's wrong, gay, strait, or purple no one should care if they are happy and not hurting anyone, especially 'society' cause who the fuck cares what the status quo thinks of your love anyways and if you do, shame on you. (I'm strait and white but I have a lot of gay friends. And a friend of mine posted this article and out of curiosity I read it and well was offended for all these reasons.)

  • Nathaniel, that section you included in your comment is EXACTLY where the author started losing all hope of me joining in his point of view. And it continued downhill from there. Thank you.

  • Because the black gay male athletes with black boyfriends are on the D.L..

  • E Alan Montgomery

    I hear what he's saying, but at the end of the day, this is offensive. At the heart of this guys' feelings is "these black celebs should choose fellow black mates to be good examples for other black ppl. If a white person suggested this, we'd be hopping up and down calling rednecks! Its 2014, What these celebs should do is choose good partners to encourage a solid relationship. Perhaps the author would be better served to look at himself and figure out why he cringed, and why HE feels the way he does. He should not just blindly assume that just because Robin Roberts or Don Lemon or whoever date outside of their race, they're rejecting their community. Don't trivialize other people's relationships like that.

  • E Alan Montgomery

    So how do you challenge this racism? With more racism? I think many, if not most people get the dynamics of race in this community and out of it. But I'm curious: if you were going to start the discussion, what would you say? what's the solution? Segregation?

  • The author says that Black dating White makes them feel more accepted. By whom exactly? Whites are not necessarily anymore accepting of such relationships than Blacks are or heteros are of same sex relationships. In fact, you’ll find many that find bi-racial dating distasteful to them and when they see their friends even consider dating outside their race, they are quick to stick their nose into it and discourage their friend from doing so! Hey, if your not into an ethnic or racial type, well, everyone has different tastes like preferring tall to short or hairless to hairy. You can’t help who you are attracted to and shouldn’t have to apologize if you’re not attracted to someone who is a different race or be pressured into being with them.

    However, in some cases someone maybe attracted to someone of another race but is discouraged by his friends from pursuing it not hiding their dislike for it in their faces, giving you dirty looks. They would rather their friend be alone even though they have someone and forsake a potentially great match simply because the guy their friend is looking at is a different race. Essentially ruining someone else’s happiness due to their own bigotry. But if the guy isn’t strong enough to follow his heart rather than be told how to feel, then that’s his loss.

    As a Latino, I experienced this in Texas when I showed a non-latino white guy an interest. I could see his friends look at me with distaste at a Country and Western Bar full of gay white men. I was not made to feel welcome and even though I tried to be friendly and smile got dirty looks in return. I could see them discouraging the guy I wanted from me and guess what, he ended up going home alone that night. I have since pledged never to go to Texas again!

  • There are many valid points in the comments above so I won’t rehash a lot of the stuff I agree with, but just want to ask a question of Mr. Douglas: you keep refering to how black gay celebrities “pick” white partners or “choose” white partners, as if they selected their partners specifically *after* they were famous. Do you have back up info for this? Have you compiled tabs on who was with their white partner before they were a celebrity and who started dating their white partner after fame arrived? That part of the premise alone seems strange.

  • E Alan Montgomery No, isn't it's already segregated! And what are the dynamics If I may ask?

  • I have a lot of issues with this article.

    First, it leaves out the bigoted comments LGBT people of color face from (many) white LGBT people. How many times have we seen "no blacks", "no Hispanics", "no Asians", "no browns", etc, on online dating profiles. And, friends have openly admitted to me that they could never date LGBT people of color because "that's not who they find attractive". Clearly, you can't change who you find attractive. But, the amount of racial slurs used on dating sites from whites is pretty shocking for 2014.

    Second, doesn't part of the problem lie in this situation less with "black celebrities" and more with the media that chooses which relationship to highlight? Yes there are few black celebrities who are "out". But there are some who have black partners. Many of these people (Robin Roberts, Wanda Sykes) have been living for years with their partners before coming out in the media. And I don't see a sea of black LGBT people trying to date white LGBT people happening at all.

    Third, it's hard to support that statement "It also is not empowering" to see black LGBT people dating non-black LGBT people. If anything, seeing interracial couples widely accepted and glorified proves how far we've come in both race and sexual relations! And don't we want young people growing up now to see how diverse and accepting our society is today?

  • Johnny V. Boykins

    Does Mr. Douglas hold an advance degree in Psychology? Sociology? Anthropology? Counseling? I don't think so. Therefore, his lack of authority points to why his reductive and irrational reasoning makes no sense to anyone. Articles like this serve no actual purpose and doesn't contribute anything on race relations in the LGBT community. I think it would have better served us by writing about black public couples instead on the conjecture of : "However, it would be foolish to ignore a clear pattern where black gay public figures come out yet are hypocritical. These black gay public figures tell society they are proud to be black and gay yet having a black gay partner by their side they are apathetic to it." NO SIR, YOU ARE THE ONE THAT LOOKS FOOLISH!!

  • This conversation is charged on so many levels. There are so many different ways and views to look at this situation that it’s almost impossible to point to one reason why celebrity Black gays are choosing White partners. I say if these couples are comfortable, and happy in their relationships more power to them! There is not one of us who doesn’t have some upbringing issues about culture, race, religion and/or sex that influences our choices about the people we choose to love. Life is complicated enough, worry about your own choices in life and let other people deal with theirs.

  • Perhaps this is less about skin color and more about LOVE.

    Remember LOVE, folks?????

    The undefinable, inexplainable thing that makes the world go round?

    Can skin colors fall in love and marry, or can HUMANS?

  • E Alan Montgomery

    Efrem Capers Race, racism, diversity and culture are not specific to the gay community: straight ppl keep having this same discussion" regarding black men and white women. We can keep ranting about ppl not wanting to have "the discussion" or we can get on with living. Recognizing and Celebrating diversity will do more to change the culture. Perhaps seeing Michael Sam and his bf together will spur the writer to get over himself,and realize that despite his bad experiences, we're all in this together.

  • E Alan Montgomery Too many within the community are comfortable with a double standard – we have no tolerance for bigotry and prejudice from whites while we make excuses for our own. Efrem is just one of many.

  • If you call yourselves queer, fag, etc. yes there's something wrong with gay love.

  • Calling yourselves queer,etc. is a deeper problem from homophobia, worthlessness and self-hate

  • Marcus Alston The reason why some black men call you the racist slur is because you're likely poor, HIV/STD/AIDS-positive and not a college graduate, dating a likely rich, self-hating white bottom.

  • I think articles like this are as superficial as the other people concerned with whom other ADULTS choose to date. From the article: "I noticed immediately though, when Michael Sam got the call from the coach of the St. Louis Rams he was in a sea of whiteness. He was the only African American in the room when he got drafted." Well had the author actually do research, in the video was HIS family HE HAS described them. I've read several articles about him and they all said that he doesn't have a great relationship with his family of origin. He considers his boyfriend, and his University of Missouri coaches/teammates his family. His dad is starting to come around a bit now (typical) after some homophobic remarks, but his mom is a member of a cultish religion–Jehovah Witness– and she didn't even want him to play football at all, let alone allow him to be openly gay. As far as his siblings are concerned, one brother died from gunshot wound, another has been missing for years, and two are in prison. His oldest brother in prison did say "I'm proud of him for not becoming like me. I still love him, whatever his lifestyle is. He's still my brother and I love him."which I think is awesome. So before someone considers it a Black/White issue they should do research or just write for the National Inquirer. Either way it goes, whom ADULTS choose to date is not my business.

  • One of the reason some black men might call you a racist slur is you probably fit the mode of black gay men today with white boyfriends. You're likely poor, uneducated and HIV/STD/AIDS-Positive. Your boyfriend is likely rich, self-hating, homophobic and a bottom. My white boyfriend and I don't fit your stereotype. We're both middle class/upper middle class, educated, proud gay men.

  • TonyboyWonders That's all it is. Hating. People act like EVERYONE is dating inter-racially when it's obviously not the case.

  • Joseph Campanella

    I've heard this exact argument 100 different ways, most of which the question asked in an "I'm not racist, but…" tone. And make no mistake, this exact argument, with or without the racial tone, can be said for any biracial relationship – gay/straight/doesn't matter.

    Of course, I have a ton of questions. Why is it that in the wake of increased acceptance of homosexuality, we feel the need to dictate with whom these gay figures should fall in love? Why must we say "Michael Sam's kiss is shocking, not because of the gay factor but because he's a black football star and Vito's some skinny white guy?" or any paraphrase of that question? How come we need to equate love with some sociopolitical agenda?

    And why must we send ourselves back to the 1960s? Does Loving vs. Virginia, 1967 not apply here because we're now talking about gay celebrities? And why are we so obsessed with celebrity culture that we feel the need to over-analyze details of their lives, and then throw daggers at them because they don't follow our beliefs – because clearly we're in the right and they are in the wrong?

    Mind if I backtrack for a bit – the chances of Michael Sam and Vito to meet were very high, since both were standout athletes at the same university (not only for coming out, but also they were GOOD). Also there's more to attraction than just physical appearance. Chances are if all parts of this story were the same, except Vito were black, then the story would have the same ending.

    Furthermore I think you leave out the part where the viewer is capable of individual thought, as if we're all followers that lack the capacity to make our own decisions. No gay black man is going to see that image and think "Oh if Michael Sam is kissing a white man then I should restrict myself to white men to gain acceptance."

    Likewise just because YOU are apathetic to biracial couples doesn't mean the same for other members of the black community. Jason Collins came out of the closet, and many other NBA players – MANY of whom are black – voiced their support. White boyfriend came later – still has aforementioned support. Michael Sam came out of the closet, was drafted, kissed his white boyfriend, and many other NFL players – MANY of whom are black – voiced their support. Robin Roberts was very sick, made a full recovery, came out officially and many other celebrities – - MANY of whom are black – voiced their support. Did you completely disregard those in your "analysis", or is your voice the only one that matters?

    You stated in your argument somewhere that all people have the right to love whomever they choose. That's a good statement – you should go with that!

  • Joseph Campanella

    This isn't to say that half of your statement is true. This isn't to say that there is no homophobia in the black community – there is. This isn't to say there is no divide between black gays who are out of the closet and the black gays still closeted – there is.
    (Sidenote: These aren't just black community/black gay issues. These exist in every community, but I digress.)

    My comment is against them "sending the wrong message", and "doing a disservice to the black community," We fall in love because of the emotional and physical attraction we feel toward another human being – not to make statements, or send messages.

    Furthermore, I think we're just expecting too much of them. They have a responsibility to be true to themselves, which led them to to the emotional trauma of coming out in the public eye. In and of itself, that's a huge accomplishment. Not only are we linking "being in a biracial relationship" with "sending the wrong message to the black gay community", but we're expecting our celebrities to be public figures and perfect signs of humanhood, perfect role models in every way. But these people are human. This is probably one of the few areas where they're allowed to be selfish.

  • Ken's comments pretty much sum up my thinking too. This article was terrible. You fall in love with who you fall in love with. And black gay celebs shouldn't feel any shame in the fact that their partners aren't their race. We should just be happy they found love.

  • I think you're giving rich, white, self-hating gay bottoms unfair credit, and equally racist, educated, self-hating black gay tops undue credit.

  • Efrem Capers You have a unique ability to completely miss the point of comments. That is your problem, not ours.

  • If you think that excluding people by race makes you "concious" then you are a dimwitted racist who buys this faux "Black concious" bullshit. Wake up, its a big planet.

  • If you think that excluding people by race makes you "concious" then you are a dimwitted racist who buys this faux "Black concious" bullshit. Wake up, its a big planet.

  • Others have covered most of what I would wish to say about this opinion piece. But I wish to add my voice to the chorus. This is pure dreck. Fancy words vomiting one man’s clear racism and displeasure with himself. It’s sad that the Blade ran it.

  • Dear Michael Sam,

    You’ve had all eyes on you for months and not only have you handled it with dignity, you also managed to not let the scrutiny straight-jacket you into being someone you’re not. When the big moment came, you had the courage to be honest and share an incredible moment with the person you love. In the process, you made one of the most iconic moments in gay history. So whatever happens with the Rams, know that you’ve already made us proud. Just keep loving who you love and don’t let the shit get you down.

    And go out there and knock over some quarterbacks.

    All the best,
    A big gay fan

Leave a Reply

— required *

— required *

© Copyright Brown, Naff, Pitts Omnimedia, Inc. 2014. All rights reserved.
Directory powered by Business Directory Plugin