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A son’s case for marriage equality

I’ve never felt prouder than when my moms were married

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Kris Perry, Sandy Stier, Spencer Perry, gay news, Washington Blade
Sandy Stier, Kris Perry, David Boies, Chad Griffin, gay marriage, same-sex marriage, marriage equality, Proposition 8, Defense of Marriage Act, DOMA, Prop 8, California, Supreme Court, gay news, Washington Blade

Prop 8 plaintiffs Sandy Stier and Kris Perry addressed onlookers after a historic ruling at the U.S. Supreme Court. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

The first time anyone asked me if I was disadvantaged to be raised by lesbian moms was in the first grade. A friend from my class asked what my mom and dad did for a living, and when I told him I had two moms, he told me that I wasn’t normal, that we were different.

Growing up, friends would ask questions like, “who cooks?” or, “who works?” trying to fit our puzzle piece where we just couldn’t. To me, my family was different because I had three parents; a step mom and two other moms; a twin and two step brothers; the fact that my parents were gay never made me think of them as different, until those outside my family made a point of it.

It wasn’t until my freshman year in high school that I finally saw how my family was “different.”

Elliott and I woke up early on Jan. 11, 2010, and put on our only suits. We shuffled into the back of Kris and Sandy’s SUV and the four of us drove across the Bay Bridge to a Victorian home in San Francisco. There, we met with Chad Griffin, president of the American Foundation for Equal Rights, Paul Katami, and Jeff Zarrillo (who with my moms would be the plaintiffs in the Proposition 8 case). The five of them stepped outside to meet the press, and it was Jeff who said, “We’re all Americans who simply want to get married like everybody else.”

In minutes, Elliott and I were on our way to the Federal District Courthouse. We were led through the back while our moms and a battalion of lawyers weaved their way between picket lines. It seemed that in no time Judge Walker was banging his gavel and the trial began.

One of our lawyers, David Boies, called Jeff and then Paul. The opposing lawyer, Charles Cooper, cross-examined Paul, and then, Ted Olson, our other lawyer, asked Kris to take the stand.

After a few questions, Ted asked Kris what it felt like to be discriminated against. It was the first time I had ever heard any of my moms describe what it was like to face prejudice. She told Ted about growing up in the Central Valley of California and hiding who she was. She told him how she was teased and mocked as she grew up and how that blanket of constant hate had lowered the quality of her life. She also said she had never allowed herself to be truly happy and how she didn’t want any kid to know what that felt like.

Looking around as Kris joined us again on the bench, I could see my brother, Sandy, and our friends in tears.

I had finally found my answer: Families like mine are no different than anyone else’s. We share the same love. We’re only different in that we felt the brunt of living under discriminatory laws.

When a family like mine is denied equal protection under the law, when society tells us that because you are a minority, you don’t get the rights of the majority, it hurts. It validates hate against that minority. It teaches kids in states with same-sex marriage bans that your family isn’t worthy of protection.

Perry v. Hollingsworth was appealed again and again until it reached the Supreme Court.  My first trip to D.C. was much like that drive to San Francisco three years earlier. Elliott and I woke up early to stand in line outside the courthouse. We walked behind our parents to sit behind Ted Olson and David Boies. In the midst of Charles Cooper’s oral argument, Justice Kennedy asked, “Forty thousand children in California … that live with same-sex parents, and they want their parents to have full recognition and full status. The voice of those children is important in this case, don’t you think?” Cooper responded saying there was no evidence that children, my brothers and I, would benefit from Kris and Sandy being married.

Today the same question is being asked in court cases across the country that challenge state bans on marriage equality and like Perry v. Hollingsworth have the potential to bring the battle of universal marriage equality to the Supreme Court.

Four months after the Supreme Court oral arguments, the court lifted the ban on same-sex marriages in California and I got to know exactly what that benefit is. Take it from a son –I’ve never felt prouder or more patriotic than when my moms were legally married one year ago on June 28. Every son and daughter in every state should have the right to feel that way.

Spencer M. Perry is the son of Kris Perry and Sandy Stier, plaintiffs in the Perry v. Hollingsworth case that overturned California’s ban on same-sex marriage. He studies economics and public policy at George Washington University.

Kris Perry, Sandy Stier, Spencer Perry, gay news, Washington Blade

From left, Kris Perry, Spencer Perry and Sandy Stier (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

 

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Opinions

DC To Host 1st National TDOV Gala on Easter Sunday

Trans USA National Pageantry and the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) will host the 1st Annual Blossom Gala at Hook Hall.

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The first International Trans Day of Visibility (TDOV) celebration was held 15 years ago, with the goal of addressing the major concern that the only well-known trans-centered day was the Transgender Day of Remembrance, which mourned the murders of transgender people but did not acknowledge and celebrate living members of the transgender community. On March 31, Trans USA National Pageantry and the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) will host the 1st Annual Blossom Gala at Hook Hall, which will serve as the culminating event of their TDOV programming in Washington, DC. 

Dylan Drobish (also known as Dylan B. Dickherson White), National Director at Trans USA, offered the following: “It is our hope that Blossom will serve as a reminder not just of the battle we face every day but also of the beauty, excellence, intellect, and resilience of transgender Americans. We believe that this event is especially important given the increased backlash and violence against our community in the last few years alone, with nearly 500 anti-trans bills under consideration across 41 states as of March. However, Blossom—and TDOV itself—is a celebration held in defiance of the idea that trans lives are only worthy of headlines once they have ended.”

Preceded by an impactful, inspiring rally at the national mall (11:00 AM to 3:00 PM) featuring Angelica Ross of Pose and AHSBlossom is a fundraising initiative that blends keynote speakers, a Q&A panel discussion with national leaders in the movement for transgender equality, and the artistry of drag with CHERRY BOMB–an all-trans drag showcase headlined by trans icon, activist, and Drag Race pioneer Monica Beverly Hillz. This pivotal event will also serve as the official public launch of the TRANSform the Vote initiative, which aims to inspire transgender people and allies to make their voices heard at the ballot box.

But make no mistake. Blossom is a celebration, and the event organizers have pulled out all the stops to ensure that ticket prices remain accessible without sacrificing the magic of a true gala experience. For truly gram-worthy “pink carpet” photos, all attendees are invited to “dress to impress” with their interpretation of a timely theme that celebrates the beauty of coming into one’s own as a visible member of the trans, non-binary, and gender non-conforming community.  

The event comes at a pivotal time for both the community and the organizations seeking to protect it: This summer, NCTE will officially merge with Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund (TLDEF) to create Advocates for Trans Equality, doubling their ability to lead the next chapter of the transgender rights movement. This November, Trans USA will welcome over 80 representatives from across the country to their national competition, which will for the first time also feature a national conference and exposition solely focused on the trans and non-binary community. While monumental, these 2024 events come with unprecedented challenges, as many major corporations and grant programs refuse to provide funding related to “controversial social or political issues”, especially in an election year. 

Despite these challenges, celebratory events like Blossom are, unsurprisingly, now more important than ever, with trans lives having been politicized to such a polarizing extent. Drobish, a former Mr. Trans USA himself offered the following: 

“‘Narrative identity’ refers to the idea that our identities are formed from the internal stories we tell about ourselves (and our interpretation of them). Organizations like Trans USA and NCTE are here to help rewrite the narrative that gets passed down to the next generation of trans and non-binary folks. My message to anyone involved with Trans USA or the movement in general has always been that you are the author of your story—the story that gives your life meaning and purpose—and you get to choose how it’s told. Are you the hero or the victim? Are you the agent or the object? Are you the one telling your story, or is someone else doing all the talking? It’s 2024, and it’s time to take the pen back. Because true visibility isn’t about being seen; it’s about making others feel seen. Seen enough to BLOSSOM.” 

Tickets for the Blossom gala start at just $15, but VIP guests ($100) will receive access to a premium open bar from 6:00 PM to 9:00 PM, light hors d’oeuvres, and prime seating, in addition to the 20-entertainer showcase with a Drag Race headliner! While doors open at 4:30 PM for the event, advance purchase online is strongly recommended by the organizers, as only a limited number of these VIP tickets are available.

-Dylan Drobish (National Director, Trans USA National Pageantry; Mr. Trans USA 2022, Mr. Freddie’s 2019

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Opinions

Attacking Jews is latest Trump outrage

Anyone who supports equality and peace must vote for Biden

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(Washington Blade file photo by Christopher Kane)

Calling out the Jewish community in the United States as Trump did, is both dumb, and anti-Semitic. The Jewish community has been a Democratic constituency for many years, and attacking them won’t get them to vote for him.

It is a difficult time for many Jews in the world today. I being one of them. I am a strong supporter of Israel, but support Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.), who believes there will never be peace in the Middle East as long as Netanyahu and his government are in control. Israel cannot keep annexing West Bank land, which should be part of a Palestinian state if we can get to a two-state solution. In fact, they must draw back the settlements now there. At the same time, like Schumer, I believe both Netanyahu and Hamas have to go. Being anti-Netanyahu is not being anti-Israel, just as being anti-Trump is not being anti-United States, or wanting Hamas to go, is not being anti-Palestinian. 

Attacking Jews is just one more outrageous thing coming out of Trump’s mouth. He is a notorious sexist, racist, homophobic, pig. He is an old man who can’t control his mouth and continues to spout nonsense. His apparently limited brain power is tied up in disgusting views of the world and individuals. He mocks those with disabilities like he did to a New York Times reporter, and mocks President Biden for his stutter. There was a recent column in the Washington Post reminding people Trump’s father had Alzheimer’s. I think we may be seeing the disease manifest itself in Trump. 

I have written this election is between two older men. I myself am older, and understand one often forgets a name, a date, or an event. Having just written a memoir, which I hope will be published in May, in its preface I say “these are dates and events as I remember them.” But as neuroscientist Charan Ranganath recently wrote in the Washington Post, that in no way limits how a person can understand complex issues, or in my case work as a consultant and research and write weekly columns. For a president, especially one who is older, it is important for us to know who is surrounding him or her. I am definitely more secure knowing those who will be around and advising President Biden, versus those around Trump. No one person alone, whatever their age, can handle all the issues facing a president.

Whether you are a Jew supporting Israel, a Muslim supporting the Palestinian people, or someone like me supporting both, you are better off with President Biden. If you support the Palestinian people having their freedom, then Trump must strike fear in your heart, after all, he is the one who moved the American embassy to Jerusalem. 

The idea of electing a man convicted of fraud in his business dealings, found liable for sexually mistreating a woman, and who faces another 88 criminal counts, is ludicrous. It actually says as much about the people who would vote for him, as it does about Trump. A man who brags about taking away the right of women to control their own body, and healthcare, doesn’t deserve the vote of any woman. A man who opposes equal rights, affirmative action, and saw good people on both sides in Charlottesville, doesn’t deserve the vote of any Black American. A man who opposes any forgiveness of student loans, denies climate change, opposes making community college free, doesn’t deserve the vote of any young person. 

It amazes me when people compare how things were four years ago to today, and say they were better then. A time you couldn’t find toilet paper on grocery shelves, 1,000 people a day were dying of COVID, the Dow Jones was at 19,000 and today it’s at 39,000. The country was hemorrhaging jobs and in the last three years 13 million have been created. Wages are higher and unemployment lower. 

Of course, as President Biden says, we need to do more. He is doing it, Trump didn’t. Trump gave a $2 trillion tax cut to the wealthy, increasing the national debt. He pledges to do it again. Biden passed a massive infrastructure bill, now creating thousands of jobs building and repairing bridges and roads, in every state. He passed the Chips and Science Act, recently announcing new chip factories in four states, creating thousands of new construction and manufacturing jobs. Those factories will change the U.S. from an importing country, to a producing one. That is some of the real change Biden has brought about. 

Trump talks big, but never produced; Biden is producing for the American people, and will continue to do so.

Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist. He writes regularly for the Blade.

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Letter-to-the-Editor

Banning the Rainbow Flag: the latest act of GOP madness

Prohibition included in government spending bill the president signed

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The Progress Pride flag flies in front of the U.S. Embassy in Berlin on July 22, 2022. (Washington Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)

The Republican agenda is an obvious one: Distract from real issues by assaulting the most vulnerable. That’s why they have focused their hatred on the LGBTQ+ community. After years of legislating book bans, curriculum censorship, bathroom restrictions and withholding medically needed gender therapy, their latest act is signature Republican cruelty: For a crucial trillion-dollar budget that would prevent a government shutdown, the GOP slipped in a measure to ban the display of Rainbow Flags at U.S. embassies all over the world.

This is not an act of mere symbolism. In too many countries, being queer is punishable by imprisonment or death. Measures like this give a green light to violence and homophobia both at home and abroad. It places more LGBTQ+ people at tangible risk. It is an outrageous abuse of the political process.

This cynical political maneuver is typical of the GOP, the Party of Destruction. But equally egregious is that President Biden and Democrats approved the budget, knowing the poison pill line item that had already been added.

Now, President Biden vows to repeal the embassy flag ban measure. We will hold him to his vow. Will he expend the political capital necessary to make the repeal happens? We must remember that he and the Congress capitulated to a small group of GOP manipulators and, in this instance, saw the global LGBTQ+ community as expendable.

The Democratic Party positions itself as an ally to the LGBTQ+ community. They must hold their ground. They must represent and defend all of us. Otherwise, an emboldened GOP, led by Trump, will only escalate their merciless attacks on our vulnerable communities.”

Charles Beal is president of the Gilbert Baker Foundation and the Save the Rainbow Flag Campaign.

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