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Queery: Don Michael Mendoza

The visionary behind a new Black Fox Lounge cabaret night answers 20 gay questions

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Don Michael Mendoza (Blade photo by Michael Key)

Spoken word performance and musical theater may seem like distant cousins at best to some, but not to Don Michael Mendoza. Sensing a gulf between the two performance worlds, he and friend Regie Cabico created a space for the two worlds to come together.

They co-host La-To-Do, a cabaret series that runs every Monday night at Black Fox Lounge from 8:30 to 10 p.m. It launched in January and, according to Mendoza, has been a hit.

ā€œWeā€™d done a show together last summer at the Fringe Festival and just started a conversation about how thereā€™s really no cabaret culture in D.C.,ā€ Mendoza says. ā€œWe wanted something more than just an open mic, where anyone can just go up there and itā€™s not always the best quality. We just found there is a lot of misunderstanding between the two worlds. Musical theater types think the spoken word people are just strange people who studied English and sit at home all day like Sylvia Plath and the spoken word people think the theater folks are just doing mass-produced stuff like ā€˜Wicked.ā€™ Weā€™ve found thereā€™s a lot more to both worlds.ā€

Mendoza and Cabico, both gay, co-host the series and take turns performing. The show spotlights two guest entertainers each week as well, mostly volunteers whom the two co-hosts have vetted. Theyā€™re also hoping to make the event a hot networking spot for local artistic types.

ā€œWeā€™re still kind of figuring it out,ā€ Mendoza says. ā€œWeā€™re not trying to change the world or anything. Just trying to provide some fun and entertainment on a Monday night where people can go there, be themselves, see good art and also perform.ā€

Thereā€™s a $10 cover to attend, which includes a drink. Visit the group on Facebook for more information.

Mendoza, a 23-year-old Pittsburgh native, came to Washington in 2006 to study at American University. He graduated with double majors ā€” broadcast journalism and musical theater. He worked for the college in media relations after graduating but went to Vida Metropole on 15thĀ and P about six weeks ago for a change of pace. Heā€™d eventually like to do something full time in performance but is still figuring that out.

Mendoza is single and lives in Logan Circle. He enjoys working out, travel and theater in his free time. (Blade photos by Michael Key)

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

Iā€™ve been out since I was 20, so three years, and the hardest person to tell was my mother. Even though she always told me it would be OK if I ever were, I knew that it would still flip her world and image of me upside down.

Who’s your LGBT hero?

MSNBC’s Thomas Roberts because he’s the first news anchor to publicly come out in a world that usually masks LGBT people behind a straight news persona. His coming out was due to a tragic personal event, but he didn’t let it ruin his determination. He was not afraid to be who he is and strive for journalistic excellence at the same time, which got him to where he is today, and I hope to follow the same ethical and moral path in what I do.

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?Ā 

Not to be biased, but I really love Black Fox Lounge because of the calm, jazzy atmosphere, good food and drinks and the friendly owners and staff.

Describe your dream wedding.

It will be a big wedding. I want my partner and I to be surrounded by everyone who matters most in our lives.Ā I want it to be at a location in the countryside and it will be the definition of class. Everything would be tasteful and well thought out.

What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?

Representation for D.C. residents in Congress. I maintain my Pennsylvania license because I like voting in a state where my voice matters and until D.C. residents have full voting rights, I refuse to become a full resident of the District.

What historical outcome would you change?

The results of the 2000 presidential election.

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

The tragedy ofĀ  9-11 because, like the JFK assassination was for my parents, I will always remember exactly where I was and what I was doing the moment I heard the news.

On what do you insist?

That the dishes are washed and the apartment is clean for the many friends I always have over for dinner parties.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

ā€œSmiling is an understatement for me these days. Ah, me. :)ā€

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

ā€œIā€™ll be your fortune, cookie!ā€

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

I wouldnā€™t do it. It took me 20 years to figure it out what makes me happy! Why would I ever want to change it?

What do you believe in beyond the physical world?Ā 

I believe that there is a God, but that all the religious tension and conflict stem out of peopleā€™s imposed beliefs on something that none of us really understand.

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Keep on doing what youā€™re doing. Any and all progress is good.

What would you walk across hot coals for?

I like the soles of my feet, so I donā€™t think I would do it for anything.

What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?

That if youā€™re lesbian you have to be butch and if youā€™re a gay man you have to be feminine. Your sexual preference has nothing to do with the way you carry yourself.

What’s your favorite LGBT movie?

ā€œThe Weekendā€ because I think all gay men, single or in a relationship, need to watch it for the lessons it has to offer, especially in a city where finding a stable relationship is difficult to pursue.

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Playing hard to get when you start seeing someone. Just be honest about what youā€™re doing. It makes everything less complicated.

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

Itā€™s not really a trophy or a prize, but I would like to be on the cover of GQ one day. Iā€™ve enjoyed the magazineĀ since I knew how to dress well, and to be featured in a fashion spread in that publication would be amazing!

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

That life after college brings so much unexpected crap and that nothing can ever prepare you for the joys and pains of adulthood no matter how much advice you receive ahead of time.

Why Washington?

It was always a second home to me since we moved to Pittsburgh when I was a toddler because we visited so often. I chose to come to college here and when it came to deciding on where to start my adult life, I couldnā€™t see any other option.

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Books

Telling the Randy Shilts story

Remembering the book that made America pay attention to AIDS

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(Book cover image courtesy Chicago Review Press)

ā€˜When the Band Played Onā€™
By Michael G. Lee
c.2025, Chicago Review Press
$30/282 pages

You spent most of your early career playing second fiddle.

But nowĀ youā€™ve got the baton, and a story to tell that people arenā€™t going to want to hear,Ā though itā€™s essentialĀ that theyĀ face the music.Ā They mustĀ know whatā€™s happening. As in the new bookĀ ā€œWhen the Band Played Onā€ by Michael G. Lee,Ā this time, itā€™s personal.

Born in 1951 in small-town Iowa, Randy Shilts was his alcoholic, abusive motherā€™s third of six sons. Frustrated, drunk, she reportedly beat Shilts almost daily when he was young; she also called him a ā€œsissy,ā€ which ā€œseemed to follow Randy everywhere.ā€

Perhaps because of the abuse, Shilts had to ā€œteach himself social graces,ā€ developing ā€œadultlike impassivenessā€ and ā€œbiting sarcasm,ā€ traits that featured strongly as he matured and became a writer. He was exploring his sexuality then, learning ā€œthe subtleties of sexual communication,ā€ while sleeping with women before fully coming out as gay to friends.

Nearing his 21st birthday, Shilts moved to Oregon to attend college and to ā€œallow myself love.ā€ There, he became somewhat of an activist before leaving San Francisco to fully pursue journalism, focusing on stories of gay life that were ā€œmostly unknown to anyone outside of gay culture.ā€

He would bounce between Oregon and California several times, though he never lost sight of his writing career and, through it, his activism. In both states, Shilts reported on gay life, until he was well known to national readers and gay influencers. After San Francisco supervisor Harvey Milk was assassinated, he was tapped to write Milkā€™s biography.

By 1982, Shilts was in love, had a book under his belt, a radio gig, and a regular byline in a national publication reporting ā€œon the GRID beat,ā€ an acronym later changed to AIDS. He was even under contract to write a second book.

But Shilts was careless. Just once, careless.

ā€œIn hindsight,ā€ says Lee, ā€œā€¦ it was likely the night when Randy crossed the line, becoming more a part of the pandemic than just another worried bystander.ā€

Perhaps not surprisingly, there are two distinct audiences for ā€œWhen the Band Played On.ā€ One type of reader will remember the AIDS crisis and the seminal book about it. The other is too young to remember it, but needs to know Randy Shiltsā€™s place in its history.

The journey may be different, but the result is the same: author Michael G. Lee tells a complicated, still-controversial story of Shilts and the book that made America pay attention, and itā€™s edgy for modern eyes. Lee clearly shows why Shilts had fans and haters, why Shilts was who he was, and Lee keeps some mystery in the tale. Shilts had the knowledge to keep himself safe but he apparently didnā€™t, and readers are left to wonder why. Thereā€™s uncomfortable tension in that, and a lot of hypothetical thinking to be had.

For scholars of gay history, this is an essential book to read. Also, for anyone too young to remember AIDS as it was, ā€œWhen the Band Played Onā€ hits the right note.

The Blade may receive commissions from qualifying purchases made via this post.

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Out & About

2025 is the year to prioritize LGBTQ wellness

Community center hosts workshop ‘prioritizing self-care & community care’

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The DC LGBTQ+ Community Center will host ā€œPrioritizing Self-Care & Community Care in 2025 Workshopā€ on Wednesday, Jan. 22 at 7 p.m.

This will be an engaging conversation about how to prioritize self-care and community care in the upcoming year. This one-hour workshop will be facilitated by Program Director & Psychotherapist Jocelyn Jacoby. This workshop is designed to be a place where LGBTQ people can be in community with each other as the community grapples with fear and hope and comes up with practical ways to promote resiliency.

Registration for this event is mandatory and can be accessed on the DC Centerā€™s website.Ā 

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Calendar

Calendar: January 17-25

LGBTQ events in the days to come

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Friday, January 17

Trans and Genderqueer Game Night will be at 6 p.m. at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. This will be a relaxing, laid-back evening of games and fun. All are welcome. There will be card and board games on hand. Feel free to bring your own games to share. For more details, visit the DC Centerā€™s website.Ā 

Go Gay DC will host ā€œLGBTQ+ Community Happy Hourā€ at 7 p.m. at DIK Bar. This event is ideal for making new friends, professional networking, idea-sharing, and community building. This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Saturday, January 18

Go Gay DC will host ā€œLGBTQ+ Community Brunchā€ at 11 a.m. at Freddieā€™s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including allies, together for food and conversation. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

LGBTQ People of Color Support Group will be at 1 p.m. on Zoom. This peer support group is an outlet for LGBTQ People of Color to come together and talk about anything affecting them in a space that strives to be safe and judgment free. For more information and events for LGBTQ People of Color, visit thedccenter.org/poc or facebook.com/centerpoc.

Sunday, January 19

Go Gay DC will host ā€œLGBTQ+ Community Dinnerā€ at 6:30 p.m. at Federico Ristorante Italiano. Guests are encouraged to come enjoy an evening of Italian-style dining and conversation with other LGBTQ+ folk. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

DC Queer Events will host ā€œLGBTQ Friendly: Sapphic ā€˜Dance After Darkā€™ Rooftop Partyā€ at 9 p.m. at Baby Shank. This LGBTQ-friendly Sapphic party welcomes all allies. Enjoy beats of house, disco, and eclectic sounds from talented DJs, including DJ Clamazon, DJ Sunnii, and DC DJ India. Picture a chill vibe, and a night full of connection and joy. Tickets start at $15 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.Ā 

Monday, January 20

MLK Day and the inauguration of President Trump at noon on the Capitol steps [outdoor events subject to cancellation].Ā 

Tuesday, January 21

BiRoundtable Discussion will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is an opportunity for people to gather in order to discuss issues related to bisexuality or as bi individuals in a private setting. For more details, visit Facebook or Meetup.Ā 

Wednesday, January 22

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking ā€” allowing participants to move away from being merely ā€œapplicantsā€ toward being ā€œcandidates.ā€ For more information, email [email protected] or visit www.thedccenter.org/careers.

Asexual and Aromantic Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a space where people who are questioning this aspect of their identity or those who identify as asexual and/or aromantic can come together, share stories and experiences, and discuss various topics. For more details, email [email protected].Ā 

Thursday, January 23

The DC Centerā€™s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5 p.m. if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email [email protected] or call 202-682-2245.Ā 

Virtual Yoga with Sarah M. will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a free weekly class focusing on yoga, breath work, and meditation. For more details, visit the DC Center for the LGBT Communityā€™s website.

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