Arts & Entertainment
The pain of positive change
Trans author shares angst and triumph in new memoir
(Image courtesy University of Wisconsin Press)
Change — good or bad — is often tough. Trans author Joy Ladin knows that first hand.
Pain had accompanied her for most of her days, but in her new book “Through the Door of Life,” she explains a journey that was, for her, long overdue.
Joy Ladin “never much wanted to live.”
Born into relative privilege, Ladin, born male, had a good childhood, but death “seemed close.” Ladin remembers thinking that the idea of dying was exciting, while life was not because life, at the time, was spent in the wrong body.
“I spent my childhood trying to be what people wanted me to be,” she says, which worked, outwardly. Few noticed or knew that Ladin was struggling, so adept was she at tamping down feelings of sorrow.
At 17, while away at college, Ladin met her “life partner,” to whom she confessed her inner turmoil. The woman was undaunted; they married in 1982 — Ladin’s wife made it clear that she could accept Ladin’s transsexual feelings but not a transition — and they started a family within the decade. Ladin took pride in being a father.
But in 2005, everything began to fall apart.
Ladin started having panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. No longer able to withstand the soul-crushing pain of living in a body that was all wrong, she shaved off the beard she’d had since puberty, began taking hormones and tried to maintain a dual life that would satisfy her wife, three children, her God, and her colleagues at Stern College for Women of Yeshiva University.
And slowly, Joy Ladin began to embrace the woman she knew herself to be.
“Through the Door of Life” is a bit of a conundrum. It soars with celebration, then drops like a stone into an abyss of angst. There are self-depreciating, bittersweetly humorous passages, followed by wailing rants that hurt to read. There’s love in here, and hate that’ll make you gasp. And, repeatedly, author Joy Ladin gives you all this in the space of a page or two.
Despite that repetition, what readers will appreciate most, I think, is that Ladin pulls no punches. We’re given a front-row seat at the difficulty — and shaky triumph — of being true to one’s self despite the costs. Yes, there are bumps in this story, but Ladin’s honesty is hard to beat.
“Through the Door of Life” is deep and thick with thought, emotion and pain, but its cover should clue you in on the kind of read you’ll end up with. That kind of Joy should make you want to change your schedule to read this book.
The Freddie’s Follies drag show was held at Freddie’s Beach Bar in Arlington, Va. on Saturday, Jan. 3. Performers included Monet Dupree, Michelle Livigne, Shirley Naytch, Gigi Paris Couture and Shenandoah.
(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)
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Queer highlights of the 2026 Critics Choice Awards: Aunt Gladys, that ‘Heated Rivalry’ shoutout and more
Amy Madigan’s win in the supporting actress category puts her in serious contention to win the Oscar for ‘Weapons’
From Chelsea Handler shouting out Heated Rivalry in her opening monologue to Amy Madigan proving that horror performances can (and should) be taken seriously, the Critics Choice Awards provided plenty of iconic moments for queer movie fans to celebrate on the long road to Oscar night.
Handler kicked off the ceremony by recapping the biggest moments in pop culture last year, from Wicked: For Good to Sinners. She also made room to joke about the surprise hit TV sensation on everyone’s minds: “Shoutout to Heated Rivalry. Everyone loves it! Gay men love it, women love it, straight men who say they aren’t gay but work out at Equinox love it!”
The back-to-back wins for Jacob Elordi in Frankenstein and Amy Madigan in Weapons are notable, given the horror bias that awards voters typically have. Aunt Gladys instantly became a pop culture phenomenon within the LGBTQ+ community when Zach Cregger’s hit horror comedy released in August, but the thought that Madigan could be a serious awards contender for such a fun, out-there performance seemed improbable to most months ago. Now, considering the sheer amount of critics’ attention she’s received over the past month, there’s no denying she’s in the running for the Oscar.
“I really wasn’t expecting all of this because I thought people would like the movie, and I thought people would dig Gladys, but you love Gladys! I mean, it’s crazy,” Madigan said during her acceptance speech. “I get [sent] makeup tutorials and paintings. I even got one weird thing about how she’s a sex icon also, which I didn’t go too deep into that one.”
Over on the TV side, Rhea Seehorn won in the incredibly competitive best actress in a drama series category for her acclaimed performance as Carol in Pluribus, beating out the likes of Emmy winner Britt Lower for Severance, Carrie Coon for The White Lotus, and Bella Ramsey for The Last of Us. Pluribus, which was created by Breaking Bad’s showrunner Vince Gilligan, has been celebrated by audiences for its rich exploration of queer trauma and conversion therapy.
Jean Smart was Hack’s only win of the night, as Hannah Einbinder couldn’t repeat her Emmy victory in the supporting actress in a comedy series category against Janelle James, who nabbed a trophy for Abbott Elementary. Hacks lost the best comedy series award to The Studio, as it did at the Emmys in September. And in the limited series category, Erin Doherty repeated her Emmy success in supporting actress, joining in yet another Adolescence awards sweep.
As Oscar fans speculate on what these Critics Choice wins mean for future ceremonies, we have next week’s Golden Globes ceremony to look forward to on Jan. 11.
(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)
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