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The pain of positive change

Trans author shares angst and triumph in new memoir

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(Image courtesy University of Wisconsin Press)

Change — good or bad — is often tough. Trans author Joy Ladin knows that first hand.

Pain had accompanied her for most of her days, but in her new book “Through the Door of Life,” she explains a journey that was, for her, long overdue.

Joy Ladin “never much wanted to live.”

Born into relative privilege, Ladin, born male, had a good childhood, but death “seemed close.” Ladin remembers thinking that the idea of dying was exciting, while life was not because life, at the time, was spent in the wrong body.

“I spent my childhood trying to be what people wanted me to be,” she says, which worked, outwardly. Few noticed or knew that Ladin was struggling, so adept was she at tamping down feelings of sorrow.

At 17, while away at college, Ladin met her “life partner,” to whom she confessed her inner turmoil. The woman was undaunted; they married in 1982 — Ladin’s wife made it clear that she could accept Ladin’s transsexual feelings but not a transition — and they started a family within the decade. Ladin took pride in being a father.

But in 2005, everything began to fall apart.

Ladin started having panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. No longer able to withstand the soul-crushing pain of living in a body that was all wrong, she shaved off the beard she’d had since puberty, began taking hormones and tried to maintain a dual life that would satisfy her wife, three children, her God, and her colleagues at Stern College for Women of Yeshiva University.

And slowly, Joy Ladin began to embrace the woman she knew herself to be.

“Through the Door of Life” is a bit of a conundrum. It soars with celebration, then drops like a stone into an abyss of angst. There are self-depreciating, bittersweetly humorous passages, followed by wailing rants that hurt to read. There’s love in here, and hate that’ll make you gasp. And, repeatedly, author Joy Ladin gives you all this in the space of a page or two.

Despite that repetition, what readers will appreciate most, I think, is that Ladin pulls no punches. We’re given a front-row seat at the difficulty — and shaky triumph — of being true to one’s self despite the costs. Yes, there are bumps in this story, but Ladin’s honesty is hard to beat.

“Through the Door of Life” is deep and thick with thought, emotion and pain, but its cover should clue you in on the kind of read you’ll end up with. That kind of Joy should make you want to change your schedule to read this book.

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Bars & Parties

Mixtape Sapphics hosts holiday party on Dec. 13

‘Sugar & Spice’ night planned for Saturday

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(Photo by New Africa/Bigstock)

Mixtape Sapphics will host “Sapphic Sugar & Spice: A Naughty-Nice Mixtape Holiday Party” on Saturday, Dec. 13 at 4 p.m. at Amsterdam Lounge.

This is a festive, grown holiday party for queer women and sapphics 35 and older at Revolt’s Christmas pop-up. There will be music, joy, and an optional White Elephant.

This is Mixtape Sapphics’ first-ever holiday party — a cozy, flirty, intentionally grounded night created just for queer women and sapphics 35+ who want real connection, festive joy, and a warm place to land at the end of the year.

Tickets start at $13.26 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

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Calendar

Calendar: December 12-18

LGBTQ events in the days to come

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Friday, December 12

“Center Aging Friday Tea Time” will be at 12 p.m. in person at the DC Center for the LGBT Community’s new location at 1827 Wiltberger St., N.W. To RSVP, visit the DC Center’s website or email [email protected]

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Happy Hour” at 7 p.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar and Restaurant. This event is ideal for making new friends, professional networking, idea-sharing, and community building. This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite

Women in Their Twenties and Thirties will be at 8 p.m. on Zoom. This is a social discussion group for queer women in the Washington, D.C. area. For more details, go to Facebook

Saturday, December 13

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 12 p.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including allies, together for delicious food and conversation.  Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite

The DC Center for the LGBT Community will host “Sunday Supper on Saturday” at 2 p.m. D.C.’s queer community will gather for good food, laughter, and community. For more information, email [email protected]

Sunday, December 14

SADBrunch will host “HokiSlay Drag Brunch” at 12 p.m. at Throw Social. This festive affair brings fierce performances, over-the-top holiday looks, and more sparkle than a tinsel explosion. Expect powerhouse lip-syncs, laughter, and cheer hotter than your spiked cocoa. Cake Pop will host the event. Tickets cost $28.52 and are available on Eventbrite

Monday, December 15

“Center Aging: Monday Coffee Klatch” will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ+ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of choice. For more information, contact Adam ([email protected]).

Genderqueer DC will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a support group for people who identify outside of the gender binary, whether you’re bigender, agender, genderfluid, or just know that you’re not 100% cis. For more details, visit genderqueerdc.org or Facebook.

Tuesday, December 16

Center Bi+ Roundtable will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is an opportunity for people to gather and discuss issues related to bisexuality or as Bi individuals in a private setting. Visit Facebook or Meetup for more information.

The DC Center for the LGBT Community will host “Self-Defense Class with Avi Rome” at 12:30 p.m. Rome is a proud member of the LGBTQ community and a full-time martial arts instructor with 25 years of teaching experience. He holds a Fifth Degree Black Belt in Jhoon Rhee Tae Kwon Do and is the director of the studio’s Adaptive Tae Kwon Do program for students with special needs. He has also run numerous self-defense workshops for various groups and situations. For more details, visit the center’s website

Wednesday, December 17 

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom upon request. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit thedccenter.org/careers.

Asexual and Aromantic Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a space where people who are questioning this aspect of their identity or those who identify as asexual and/or aromantic can come together, share stories and experiences, and discuss various topics. For more details, email [email protected]

Thursday, December 18

The DC Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5 p.m. if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email [email protected] or call 202-682-2245. 

Virtual Yoga Class will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This free weekly class is a combination of yoga, breath work and meditation that allows LGBTQ+ community members to continue their healing journey with somatic and mindfulness practices. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website.  

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Egypt

Iran, Egypt object to playing in Seattle World Cup ‘Pride Match’

Game to take place on June 26

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(Photo by fifg/Bigstock)

Iran and Egypt have objected to playing in a “Pride Match” that will take place in Seattle during the 2026 World Cup.

The Egyptian Football Association on Tuesday said it told FIFA Secretary General Mattias Grafström in a letter that “it categorically rejects holding any activities related to supporting (homosexuality) during the match between the Egyptian national team and Iran, scheduled to be held in Seattle, USA, on June 26, 2026, in the third round of the group stage of the 2026 World Cup.” Football Federation Islamic Republic of Iran President Mehdi Taj told ISNA, a semi-official Iranian news agency that both his country and Egypt “protested this issue.”

The 2026 World Cup will take place in the U.S., Canada, and Mexico. The draw took place at the Kennedy Center on Dec. 5.

Iran is among the handful of countries in which consensual same-sex sexual relations remain punishable by death.

The State Department’s 2023 human rights report notes that while Egyptian law “did not explicitly criminalize consensual same-sex sexual activity, authorities regularly arrested and prosecuted LGBTQI+ persons on charges including ‘debauchery,’ prostitution, and ‘violating family values.’” Egyptian authorities “also reportedly prosecuted LGBTQI+ individuals for ‘misuse of social media.’”

“This resulted in de facto criminalization of same-sex conduct and identity,” notes the report.

The 2024 human rights report the State Department released earlier this year did not include LGBTQ-specific references.

Soccer has ‘unique power to unite people across borders, cultures, and beliefs’

The June 26 match between Iran and Egypt coincides with Seattle Pride. The Washington Post reported the Seattle FIFA World Cup 2026 Local Organizing Committee decided to hold the “Pride Match” before last week’s draw.

“As the Local Organizing Committee, SeattleFWC26’s role is to prepare our city to host the matches and manage the city experience outside of Seattle Stadium,” said SeattleFWC26 Vice President of Communications Hana Tadesse in a statement the committee sent to the Washington Blade on Wednesday. “SeattleFWC26 is moving forward as planned with our community programming outside the stadium during Pride weekend and throughout the tournament, partnering with LGBTQ+ leaders, artists, and business owners to elevate existing Pride celebrations across Washington.”

“Football has a unique power to unite people across borders, cultures, and beliefs,” added Tadeese. “The Pacific Northwest is home to one of the nation’s largest Iranian-American communities, a thriving Egyptian diaspora, and rich communities representing all nations we’re hosting in Seattle. We’re committed to ensuring all residents and visitors experience the warmth, respect, and dignity that defines our region.”

The 2034 World Cup will take place in Saudi Arabia.

Consensual same-sex sexual relations remain punishable by death in the country. The 2022 World Cup took place in neighboring Qatar, despite concerns over the country’s anti-LGBTQ rights record.

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