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The pain of positive change

Trans author shares angst and triumph in new memoir

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(Image courtesy University of Wisconsin Press)

Change — good or bad — is often tough. Trans author Joy Ladin knows that first hand.

Pain had accompanied her for most of her days, but in her new book “Through the Door of Life,” she explains a journey that was, for her, long overdue.

Joy Ladin “never much wanted to live.”

Born into relative privilege, Ladin, born male, had a good childhood, but death “seemed close.” Ladin remembers thinking that the idea of dying was exciting, while life was not because life, at the time, was spent in the wrong body.

“I spent my childhood trying to be what people wanted me to be,” she says, which worked, outwardly. Few noticed or knew that Ladin was struggling, so adept was she at tamping down feelings of sorrow.

At 17, while away at college, Ladin met her “life partner,” to whom she confessed her inner turmoil. The woman was undaunted; they married in 1982 — Ladin’s wife made it clear that she could accept Ladin’s transsexual feelings but not a transition — and they started a family within the decade. Ladin took pride in being a father.

But in 2005, everything began to fall apart.

Ladin started having panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. No longer able to withstand the soul-crushing pain of living in a body that was all wrong, she shaved off the beard she’d had since puberty, began taking hormones and tried to maintain a dual life that would satisfy her wife, three children, her God, and her colleagues at Stern College for Women of Yeshiva University.

And slowly, Joy Ladin began to embrace the woman she knew herself to be.

“Through the Door of Life” is a bit of a conundrum. It soars with celebration, then drops like a stone into an abyss of angst. There are self-depreciating, bittersweetly humorous passages, followed by wailing rants that hurt to read. There’s love in here, and hate that’ll make you gasp. And, repeatedly, author Joy Ladin gives you all this in the space of a page or two.

Despite that repetition, what readers will appreciate most, I think, is that Ladin pulls no punches. We’re given a front-row seat at the difficulty — and shaky triumph — of being true to one’s self despite the costs. Yes, there are bumps in this story, but Ladin’s honesty is hard to beat.

“Through the Door of Life” is deep and thick with thought, emotion and pain, but its cover should clue you in on the kind of read you’ll end up with. That kind of Joy should make you want to change your schedule to read this book.

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Theater

‘The Inheritance’ is most-nominated at this year’s Helen Hayes Awards

42nd annual celebration of excellence in local theater set for May 18

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Jamar Jones (bottom left), David Gow, Hunter Ringsmith, Jonathan Atkinson, and Floyd Thomas in ‘The Inheritance, Parts One and Two.’ (Photo by Margot Schulman) 

Helen Hayes Awards 2026
May 18, 2026
For tickets go to theatrewashington.org

Last year, when out director Tom Story took on the daunting task of directing Round House Theatre’s production of “The Inheritance, Parts One and Two,” he knew that casting would be important, maybe even paramount, to the endeavor’s success. So, Story didn’t mess around.

Penned by queer playwright Matthew López, “The Inheritance” (inspired by E.M. Forster’s 1910 novel “Howards End”) is based on gay culture in the wake of the AIDS crisis. 

Story looked at actors he knew, and some he didn’t. He wanted low drama and maybe players who could relate to the LGBTQ experience. In the end, the production’s 13-person cast was entirely queer except for brilliant local favorite Nancy Robinette as Margaret, the wise housekeeper.

Clearly, Story’s vision resonated with audiences. Round House’s production of “The Inheritance” is the most-nominated work of this year’s Helen Hayes Awards, earning 14 nominations. It’s also one of Round House’s highest grossing popular successes ever.

The queer cast members whose ages ranged from about 22 to 60, worked hard and enjoyed the process, and along the way garnered an Outstanding Ensemble in a Play (Hayes) nomination for their efforts. 

The ensemble included Jamar Jones as Tristan, a brilliant doctor who leaves New York for Canada after deciding there’s no place for a gay, HIV-positive Black man in America. For the experienced actor, being part of “The Inheritance” was profound: “I think it was a divinely orchestrated production.”  

He adds “I really feel that it’s so rare that you get to work on a show of that magnitude…size, time, where virtual strangers genuinely fell into rhythm. We became a cohort. I never felt a sense of unease, or reluctance to try things. I could be as big or bold as I wanted to be; or I could be small. Fail, mess up, try again. I didn’t feel judged.”

Jones considers Richmond his home, but says “I’m based where the work is.” Currently, he’s back at Round House rehearsing “Sally & Tom” (May 27-June28), a play within a play/meta exploration of the relationship between Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings by Suzan-Lori Parks. 

Jones plays both a contemporary violinist and an enslaved fiddler, parts that have required him to learn to “air fiddle.” He’s all over it: “I want to represent the art and to be as precise as possible. Taught by an instructor, I’ve made strides with movement of the bow; next up is finger placement.” 

Will he leave the play a violinist? “I’ll report back on closing night. Maybe I will have added something to the special skills list on my resume.”

For about a decade, Jones worked in living history, interpreting, performing, and writing pieces about the enslaved people of Colonial Virginia. Among the many historical characters he portrayed was Jupiter (Thomas Jefferson’s longtime enslaved manservant), an experience that’s proved a connection and preparation for his current role.   

The 42nd Helen Hayes Awards celebration recognizing excellence in professional theater in the DMV will be held on Monday, May 18, 2026 at The Anthem on the District Wharf in Washington, D.C. Named for Helen Hayes, the legendary first lady of Broadway, the program consists of the awards presentation hosted by Felicia Curry, Awa Sal Secka, and Derrick Truby, followed by an after-party at nearby Whitlow’s. 

With works selected from 149 eligible productions presented in the 2025 calendar year, nominations were made in 41 categories and grouped as either “Helen” (non-Equity/small Equity presence) or “Hayes” (Equity-heavy).

The many nominations are the result of 49 vetted judges considering 1,997 pieces of work, such as design, direction, choreography, performances, and more. The productions under consideration included 42 musicals, 107 plays, and 33 world premieres.

The following are more of this year’s queer nominees. 

A past Helen Hayes Award recipient and nominee, Fran Tapia is competing against herself this year in the Outstanding Lead Performer in a Musical (Helen) category. Nominated for her memorable turn as the diva barkeep in GALA Theatre’s “Columbia Heights Bolero Bar,” an immersive musical centered on songs of longing and immigration set in a diverse neighborhood on the eve of a divisive presidential election

“It was a challenging time, because a lot of what was happening in the show was happening in the neighborhood,” says Tapia who lives in Columbia Heights just eight minutes from GALA. 

Based in D.C. since 2019, Tapia says “Being recognized in a country that is not my homeland but where I’m building my artistic home, is deeply meaningful. And the variety of roles I have been able to play speaks to the richness of DC theater and the collaborators who trusted me with these roles.”

Her other individual nomination is for the title role in Spooky Action Theater’s “Professor Woland’s Black Magic Rock Show,” a passionately comedic political satire. She approached the mysterious central character as nonbinary. 

Tapia (“Chilean, Latina, queer and proud immigrant”) says while very different, both performances involved particularly strong characters. She’s grateful audiences responded positively to her work. 

Stanley Bahorek, who moved to D.C. with his husband four years ago, is best known as an accomplished actor with a long list of Broadway and regional credits (including playing Carl, the gay son in Studio Theatre’s recent production of “The Mother Play”). Now, he is nominated for Outstanding Music Direction (Helen) for his work on “A Strange Loop,” a production of D.C.’s Visionaries of the Creative Arts (VOCA) in collaboration with Deaf Austin Theatre. He shares this nomination with Walter “Bobby” McCoy.

Michael R. Jackson’s Tony and Pulitzer wining play “A Strange Loop,” is the story of Usher, a Black, queer theater usher trying to write a musical.  VOCA’s take on the work is seen through a deaf BIPOC lens with a deaf Usher played by a deaf actor (out actor Gabriel Silva). Invited by director and longtime friend Alexandria Wailes (who is deaf), Bahorek (who is hearing) joined the creative team as a sort of hybrid associate director/ music supervisor. 

“I’m fluent in conversational American Sign Language (ASL),” he says. “I sort of functioned as a sherpa between the hearing and deaf and hard-of-hearing creatives. It’s been a great thrill to be a part of VOCA’s biggest production to date.” 

If he and McCoy take home the prize, who makes the acceptance speech? Bahorek takes a beat before replying “That’s something we still need to talk about. And soon.” 

A full list of award recipients will be available at theatrewashington.org on Tuesday, May 19, 2026. 

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Out & About

DC Black Pride is around the corner

Anthony Oakes hosts comedy show on Thursday

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Comedian Anthony Oakes (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Anthony Oakes will host “DC Black Pride Comedy Show” on Thursday, May 21 at 7 p.m.

Oakes will workshop his new hour about addiction, incarceration, recovery, and redemption with special guests.

This event will be hosted by the hilarious Apple Brown Betty with TJ So Silly, Howl Cooper, and featuring Patrice Deveaux. DJ Art.is will be spinning on the 1’s & 2’s. Libations will be provided by Drink Alchy. Images by RGF ENT. Tickets are $28.52 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

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Out & About

United Night Out set for Saturday

Team DC hosts evening of soccer, Pride, music, drag and community

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A scene from the 2023 United Night Out. This year’s event will be held on Saturday. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

On Saturday, May 16, Team DC is taking over Audi Field for United Night OUT as D.C. United faces St. Louis SC.

Come out for an evening of soccer, Pride, music, drag, and community. The night kicks off with pre-game fun featuring DC Different Drummers, DJ Heat, and a Pride Night OUT Party at the Heineken Rooftop. Then get ready for a 7:30 p.m. match, including the National Anthem sung by Dana Nearing and a halftime drag performance.

After the match, the celebration continues at the Post-Game Rooftop Party with DJ Heat and the After Party at Dacha Navy Yard. Game tickets and after party tickets are available now through Zeffy. After party tickets are $20 and include one drink. 

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