Obituary
AIDS researcher Jeff S. Stryker dies
Husband said septic shock was cause of death
This article originally ran in the Bay Area Reporter.
By Sari Staver | HIV researcher Jeff S. Stryker, a highly respected policy analyst, journalist and activist who fought for improved treatment and prevention services, died suddenly Dec. 24 at Yale New Haven Hospital in Connecticut after he suffered a heart attack at home. The cause of death was septic shock, according to Stryker’s husband, attorney Bill Aseltyne.
Mr. Stryker, a 68-year-old gay man, lived in San Francisco from 1990-2007, working for a wide range of government and private organizations, including the Institute of Medicine and UCSF’s Center for AIDS Prevention Services.
Colleagues admired Mr. Stryker’s intelligence and drive.
“I had the privilege of working with Jeff at CAPS,” Tom Coates, Ph.D., a former executive director of CAPS, wrote in an email. “He was an amazing intellect and brilliant writer. His perspective on HIV prevention was spot on. I’m so sad to see him go.”
Coates said that Mr. Stryker worked closely with Congressmember Nancy Pelosi’s (D-San Francisco) staff to apply their research findings to major HIV legislation. Coates is now the director of the University of California Global Health Institute at UCLA.
Mr. Stryker moved to Connecticut in 2007 after his husband accepted a job at Yale. In San Francisco, Aseltyne was vice president and deputy general counsel at Sutter Health. Mr. Stryker pivoted his part-time writing to a full-time job. In addition to HIV, LGBTQ and trans rights, Mr. Stryker wrote about a wide range of topics, including one of his pet subjects — animal rights.
The couple’s life changed dramatically in 2009 after they adopted a 4-year-old boy, Darius, who is now 18. Mr. Stryker became a stay-at-home dad, a job “he really, really loved,” said Aseltyne in a phone interview.
“Jeff had been in his element as a stay-at-home dad, devoted to their time spent together,” Aseltyne said.
“Jeff fervently believed it was a privilege to be Darius’ father. After Darius reconnected with his birth mother last year, Jeff was eager to travel to meet her and draw his son’s two families together,” said Aseltyne.
Bevan Dufty, a gay man who’s a former San Francisco supervisor and currently an elected BART director, met Mr. Stryker years ago when the two lived in D.C. In an email, Dufty wrote, “Jeff Stryker became a thought leader and public health advocate around HIV and AIDS. He was an important voice, challenging [then-President] Ronald Reagan and others who ignored AIDS and allowed gay men to die.”
Dufty also recalled Mr. Stryker’s “mischievous” sense of humor. “Jeff had a great sense of humor,” Dufty added. “Back in the 1980s many gay men would pause and sometimes blanch when Jeff introduced himself. He would quickly smirk and say that he wasn’t that Jeff Stryker — acknowledging the biggest, most iconic porn star of that generation.”
Dufty, who now has a son, kept up with Mr. Stryker at family week in Provincetown, Massachusetts, where they compared “how much our kids had grown in the past year. Jeff and Bill were such a loving and strong couple,” he added.
Aseltyne is mourning the loss of his husband.
“I’m totally devastated,” said Aseltyne. After 37 years together, “we were still very much in love,” he said. On the evening before his passing, to demonstrate to Darius the love in their marriage, “We slow danced to ‘We Kiss in a Shadow’ from ‘The King and I,'” he wrote in an obituary.
Mr. Stryker also was a devoted guardian over the years to dogs Whitney, Jodie, Foster, Rosebud, Frosty and Houston, who spurred him to live by the phrase “wag more, bark less,” said Aseltyne.
Mr. Stryker was born Sept. 28, 1954 in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania. He graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in two years, majoring in medical sociology.
He held positions on the President’s Commission on Bioethics, under Barack Obama; the U.S. Congressional Office on Technology Assessment; the Hastings Center; the Institute of Medicine; the National Coalition on Healthcare; and the University of Michigan School of Public Health; according to the obituary.
Mr. Stryker was co-editor of a 1993 National Research Council report on the social impact of AIDS and served as staff director of the National Commission on AIDS. He also taught a seminar for the Yale Bioethics program and contributed to the New York Times, Salon, the San Francisco Examiner, the Advocate, Michigan Radio, KQED and Marketplace.
A memorial service will be held in the spring. Aseltyne asked people who want to donate to a charity to “please choose one that works to make the world a gentler place for others.”
District of Columbia
Wanda Alston Foundation announces passing of founding executive director Brian Watson
D.C. activist praised as “passionate advocate” for homeless LGBTQ youth
The Wanda Alston Foundation, which provides housing and support services for homeless LGBTQ youth in the D.C. metro area, announced on July 20 that its founding executive director, Brian Watson, has passed away.
In a statement the Alston Foundation called Watson “one of Washington, D.C.,’s most passionate advocates for LGBTQ+ youth experiencing homelessness.”
Neither the statement nor others who knew Watson have disclosed the cause of death or his age. Longtime LGBTQ community activist Rayceen Pendarvis said she heard only that Watson’s passing followed “a long time illness.”
“The origins of the Wanda Alston Foundation can be traced to a meeting convened by then-Mayor Anthony Williams at the request of Wanda Alston, the Mayor’s Director of LGBTQ Affairs,” the statement says.
“During that meeting, Brian spoke powerfully about the growing crisis of homelessness among LGBTQ+ youth in the District of Columbia and the urgent need for dedicated housing and support services,” it says. “His advocacy helped crystalize a vision that every young person deserves a safe place to call home.”
The statement points out that following Alston’s untimely death, Watson joined other community leaders “to transform that vision into reality by establishing the Wanda Alston Foundation in her memory.”
It says that today the Alston Foundation “proudly carries forward the mission Brian helped create by providing emergency and transitional housing, counseling, workforce development, life-skills training, and other supportive services that empower LGBTQ+ youth to achieve stability, independence, and hope for the future.”
Watson’s LinkedIn page says he served as executive director of the Alston Foundation from July 2013 to March 2014. The Washington Blade reported in April 2014 that the Alston Foundation announced in a March 11, 2014, statement that Watson had resigned to “pursue other opportunities.”
His LinkedIn page shows he worked for or with in a supporting role three local nonprofit organizations since leaving the Alston Foundation, including serving from February 2019 to November 2019 as a Methamphetamine Services Specialist for the D.C. group HIPS, which provides services for drug users and sex workers.
According to his LinkedIn page, from October 2014 to “present,” he also served as Chief Innovation Officer for the Propel Foundation, Inc., which he described as a “501c3 nonprofit organization founded in D.C. that works to strengthen nonprofit organizations through fiscal sponsorship and capacity building.”
A Facebook posting by his brother, Vidale Watson, says his family will be making arrangements for a memorial service and will share the date, time, and location once the details have been finalized.
“There are no words to describe the heartbreak our family is feeling,” Vidale Watson wrote. “While we are grateful for every prayer, kind word, and act of support we’ve received over the past week, this loss is still incredibly fresh.”
Obituary
Beloved local master gardener Frank Asher dies at 69
Longtime LGBTQ rights advocate also known as actor, artist
Frank Larue Asher, described by friends and family members as an acclaimed urban gardener who operated a nonprofit nursery business in D.C.’s Shaw neighborhood from around 2008 until his retirement in 2018 when he moved to Cumberland, Md., and served on the board of a local museum, died July 15.
His longtime friend Raphael Aguon said his passing followed a years-long battle with cancer.
“He was a master gardener who worked diligently to make beautiful spaces for us passersby to enjoy and be inspired,” Aguon said in a Facebook posting. “Frank was kind, and fierce when it came to advocating for LGBTQ rights,” Aguon wrote. “He was deeply loving, sensitive, intelligent, inquisitive, and wondrously creative.”
A Washington Blade profile on Asher published in 2014 reported he was a native of California who moved to D.C. in 1994 as a conference organizer and a short time later began upgrading “sidewalk tree boxes” near his then Dupont Circle home before taking a job managing a local floral shop.
He next started a local landscaping business called Fairies Crossing that specialized in residential, rooftop, and commercial installations, he told the Blade.
In 2008, Asher opened his nursery called the Old City Farm and Guild in what had been a trash-strewn empty lot across from his then new nearby home in the city’s Shaw neighborhood.
Located at 925 Rhode Island Ave., N.W., the sprawling nursery offered a wide range of plant-related items such as seedlings, flowering plants, vegetable plants, shrubs, soils and compost, and gardening supplies. Described by Asher as a place “where people and plants come together,” the Old City Farm and Guild also became a community gathering place.
The Blade profile on Asher reported it soon began hosting performances by local musicians “in a step-down oval space serving as an amphitheater for outdoor neighborhood dances and movie nights projecting films onto a whitewashed wall.”
Asher stated in online postings that in 2018 he sold his businesses to retire and moved to Cumberland, Md., where, among other things, he served on the board of Gilchrist Museum of the Arts.
At the time of his passing the museum released a statement calling Asher “a talented local artist, a devoted supporter of the museum, a former board member, and, above all, a genuinely kind soul. His passion for the arts and his generosity touched countless lives, leaving a lasting impact on our community.”
Melissa Ryan, Asher’s niece, appeared to highlight Asher’s life as he was known by friends and family members in her own Facebook posting.
“He loved people, animals, and plants, all living things were respected and loved,” she wrote. “He was an actor, an artist, an author, an amazing gardener, heavily involved in his communities, always helping, seeking out needs and doing anything he could to fulfill them.”
Obituary
Rev. Peter Leland DeGroote dies at 86
Trailblazing gay United Methodist pastor once worked at Blade
(The following statement was prepared by friends of Rev. Peter Leland DeGroote.)
Peter Leland DeGroote, a trailblazing gay United Methodist pastor, was born on January 19, 1940, to Leland Peter and Lea (Sitnik) DeGroote in Rochester, New York. The family moved to Syracuse during Peter’s early years. Peter had an older stepbrother, Robert, and brother, Joseph, and was followed by three sisters—Mary, Martha and Margaret. Lea, their mother, had been Roman Catholic but was ostracized from her parish after marrying a Protestant. So she took the children to Lafayette Street Methodist Church every Sunday for worship and Christian education.
Peter attended West Virginia Wesleyan University, graduating with a bachelor’s degree in psychology in 1961. While he considered a career in pastoral ministry—his brother Joseph was a long-time United Methodist clergy—Peter thought that his same-sex orientation would hinder his career in the church. He enlisted in the U.S. Army in October 1961 and served a three-year term, spending one year in Heidelberg, Germany. This provided the opportunity to explore Europe. In August 1964, he was granted early release and honorable discharge to go to school.
He began graduate studies in public administration at American University in Washington, D.C. Peter met Tom McKain in January 1967 and they began a five-year relationship and remained best friends thereafter. One of Peter’s professors was an executive with the International City Management Association (ICMA) who recognized Peter’s talents and arranged for him to help with some projects there. During summers Peter directed camping programs at the YMCA’s Camp Letts in Edgewater, Md. While he worked on a Ph.D. and did some teaching at American University, he did not complete his dissertation and so received an M.A. degree in 1971.
In 1972, Peter was hired to initiate the ICMA Retirement Corporation (now MissionSquare Retirement) in order to develop a portable retirement plan for local government administrators. During his 16 years directing the ICMA-RC, the plan grew to over $1 billion in assets and over 100,000 participants. At his retirement in 1988, Peter was heralded as having “done a remarkable job in helping create one of the most outstanding retirement corporations in the country and is probably the most knowledgeable person in this field.”
In the 1970s Peter volunteered with the production of a gay newspaper in Washington, D.C., serving as news editor of the Washington Blade for three months in 1975. Peter met Leslie Lugo in Fort Lauderdale in 1977. Leslie moved to D.C. the next year and they were in a seven- year relationship and remained good friends in the years following.
In 1984, Peter joined Foundry U.M. Church, where his college friend Rev. Don Stewart was on the staff. Stewart told Peter about a local group of LGBT United Methodists. Peter began attending weekly worship and social gatherings with Mid-Atlantic Affirmation and became deeply involved in providing leadership and hospitality for the group.
Peter proposed that Foundry sponsor an Affirmation Bible Study group as part of its neighborhood Bible study program. He asked Ralph Williams to host the group and Peter led it at the onset. The Bible study group met for several years and played a significant role in the process of Foundry becoming a Reconciling Congregation in 1995, a public affirmation that LGBTQ persons were full participants in the life of the church.
In November 1988, Peter made a radical life change as he retired from ICMA-RC and began an international romantic adventure, moving to Caracas, Venezuela. However, in a tragic turn of events, Peter was abducted and later found abandoned in a rural area, badly injured. Peter recounted that, as he lay suffering and awaiting rescue, he prayed that if he recovered he would commit to entering the ministry. After returning to Washington, D.C., and spending time in healing and recovery, Peter enrolled at Wesley Theological Seminary, graduating with honors and an M.Div. degree in 1994.
Peter resolved to challenge the United Methodist Church’s ban on the ordination of LGBTQ clergy. He began the ordination candidacy process at Foundry, stating publicly that he was gay and willing to be celibate. He steadily moved forward through the process and was eventually approved by the Baltimore-Washington Conference in a close vote. He was ordained deacon on June 13, 1993, and elder on June 16, 1996.
Peter served in active ministry for 16 years serving these congregations: Shady Side (1993-1996); Centenary Baltimore (1996-1998); Back River Essex (1998-2003); College Park (2003-2004); Foundry as associate (2004-2006) and The United Church (2006-2009). Peter retired from ministry in 2009. One of Peter’s noteworthy achievements during these years was the formation of BWARM (Baltimore-Washington Area Reconciling United Methodists). When Bishop John Schol arrived in Baltimore-Washington in 2004, he announced his intention to meet with various ethnic and gender groups in the conference. Peter challenged the bishop to also meet with LGBTQ members. The bishop asked Peter to arrange such a meeting. Peter invited a cross-section of LGBTQ persons and allies from around the conference to converse with the bishop. As a result of that meeting, this network of persons began to organize what has become a strong, influential BWARM group.
In retirement, Peter continued annual summer excursions to Rehoboth Beach with friends, involvement at Foundry U.M. Church and enjoying reading and writing. On May 13, 2025, the Baltimore-Washington Chapter of the Methodist Federation for Social Action honored Peter with its God’s Foolish One Award. After a period of declining health, he died on May 9, 2026.
He is survived by his sister, Martha Straub; her son, James Oliver, and his husband; long-time companion Luis Herrera; caregivers Michael Thompson and Ralph Williams and numerous dear friends. A memorial service, followed by a luncheon, will be held at 10 a.m. on Saturday, June 27, 2026, at Foundry U.M. Church, 1500 16th St., N.W., Washington, D.C.
