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Obituary

AIDS researcher Jeff S. Stryker dies

Husband said septic shock was cause of death

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Jeff S. Stryker (Photo courtesy of Bill Aseltyne)

This article originally ran in the Bay Area Reporter.

By Sari Staver | HIV researcher Jeff S. Stryker, a highly respected policy analyst, journalist and activist who fought for improved treatment and prevention services, died suddenly Dec. 24 at Yale New Haven Hospital in Connecticut after he suffered a heart attack at home. The cause of death was septic shock, according to Stryker’s husband, attorney Bill Aseltyne.

Mr. Stryker, a 68-year-old gay man, lived in San Francisco from 1990-2007, working for a wide range of government and private organizations, including the Institute of Medicine and UCSF’s Center for AIDS Prevention Services.

Colleagues admired Mr. Stryker’s intelligence and drive.

“I had the privilege of working with Jeff at CAPS,” Tom Coates, Ph.D., a former executive director of CAPS, wrote in an email. “He was an amazing intellect and brilliant writer. His perspective on HIV prevention was spot on. I’m so sad to see him go.”

Coates said that Mr. Stryker worked closely with Congressmember Nancy Pelosi’s (D-San Francisco) staff to apply their research findings to major HIV legislation. Coates is now the director of the University of California Global Health Institute at UCLA.

Mr. Stryker moved to Connecticut in 2007 after his husband accepted a job at Yale. In San Francisco, Aseltyne was vice president and deputy general counsel at Sutter Health. Mr. Stryker pivoted his part-time writing to a full-time job. In addition to HIV, LGBTQ and trans rights, Mr. Stryker wrote about a wide range of topics, including one of his pet subjects — animal rights.

The couple’s life changed dramatically in 2009 after they adopted a 4-year-old boy, Darius, who is now 18. Mr. Stryker became a stay-at-home dad, a job “he really, really loved,” said Aseltyne in a phone interview.

“Jeff had been in his element as a stay-at-home dad, devoted to their time spent together,” Aseltyne said.

“Jeff fervently believed it was a privilege to be Darius’ father. After Darius reconnected with his birth mother last year, Jeff was eager to travel to meet her and draw his son’s two families together,” said Aseltyne.

Bevan Dufty, a gay man who’s a former San Francisco supervisor and currently an elected BART director, met Mr. Stryker years ago when the two lived in D.C. In an email, Dufty wrote, “Jeff Stryker became a thought leader and public health advocate around HIV and AIDS. He was an important voice, challenging [then-President] Ronald Reagan and others who ignored AIDS and allowed gay men to die.”

Dufty also recalled Mr. Stryker’s “mischievous” sense of humor. “Jeff had a great sense of humor,” Dufty added. “Back in the 1980s many gay men would pause and sometimes blanch when Jeff introduced himself. He would quickly smirk and say that he wasn’t that Jeff Stryker — acknowledging the biggest, most iconic porn star of that generation.”

Dufty, who now has a son, kept up with Mr. Stryker at family week in Provincetown, Massachusetts, where they compared “how much our kids had grown in the past year. Jeff and Bill were such a loving and strong couple,” he added.

Aseltyne is mourning the loss of his husband.

“I’m totally devastated,” said Aseltyne. After 37 years together, “we were still very much in love,” he said. On the evening before his passing, to demonstrate to Darius the love in their marriage, “We slow danced to ‘We Kiss in a Shadow’ from ‘The King and I,'” he wrote in an obituary.

Mr. Stryker also was a devoted guardian over the years to dogs Whitney, Jodie, Foster, Rosebud, Frosty and Houston, who spurred him to live by the phrase “wag more, bark less,” said Aseltyne.

Mr. Stryker was born Sept. 28, 1954 in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania. He graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in two years, majoring in medical sociology.

He held positions on the President’s Commission on Bioethics, under Barack Obama; the U.S. Congressional Office on Technology Assessment; the Hastings Center; the Institute of Medicine; the National Coalition on Healthcare; and the University of Michigan School of Public Health; according to the obituary.

Mr. Stryker was co-editor of a 1993 National Research Council report on the social impact of AIDS and served as staff director of the National Commission on AIDS. He also taught a seminar for the Yale Bioethics program and contributed to the New York Times, Salon, the San Francisco Examiner, the Advocate, Michigan Radio, KQED and Marketplace.

A memorial service will be held in the spring. Aseltyne asked people who want to donate to a charity to “please choose one that works to make the world a gentler place for others.”

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Obituary

Beloved schoolteacher, D.C. resident Patrick Shaw dies at 60

Colleagues, friends say he ‘touched so many lives’ with warmth, kindness

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Patrick Shaw

Patrick Dewayne Shaw, a highly acclaimed elementary school teacher who taught and served as vice principal in several D.C. schools since moving to the District in 2002, died April 19 at the age of 60.

His friend Dusty Martinez said his passing was unexpected and caused by a heart related ailment.

“Patrick touched so many lives with his warmth, humor, kindness, and unmistakable spark,” Martinez said in a statement. “He was a truly special soul – funny, vibrant, sassy, and full of life, and we are heartbroken by his loss,” Martinez wrote.

Among those reflecting on Shaw’s skills as an educator were his colleagues at D.C.’s Mundo Verde Bilingual Public Charter School, where he served as a second-grade special education teacher since August 2023.

“Patrick brought warmth, joy, and deep commitment to Mundo Verde,” his colleagues said in an Instagram posting. “His daily Broadway sing-alongs, vibrant outfits, and genuine love for his students filled our community with energy and laughter,” the posting says.

Biographical information provided by Martinez and Karen Rivera Geating, a senior inclusion manager at the Mundo Verde school and Shaw’s supervisor, shows Shaw had a distinguished 38-year teaching career and multiple degrees in the field of education.

He was  born and raised in Little Rock, Ark., and graduated from Little Rock’s Catholic High School for Boys. 

He received two bachelor’s degrees, one in philosophy from St. Meinrad Seminary College in Indiana and one in elementary education from the University of Minnesota in St. Paul. 

The biographical information shows Shaw received three master’s degrees. One is in secondary education and history from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock. His second master’s degree is in special education from The Catholic University of Washington, D.C. His third master’s degree is in school administration from Trinity College in D.C.

Shaw began his teaching career in 1987 in Little Rock, Ark., as a fourth grade General Education Teacher at Our Lady of Good Counsel School and a short time later at Little Rock’s St. Theresa Catholic School as a fourth-eighth grade teacher through December 1989. 

He next moved to Minnesota where he spent part of the 1990s as a fifth and sixth grade teacher and a physical education instructor, according to biographical information. His resume shows that from January 1995 to December 1998 he was associated with the Minnesota AIDS Project in Minneapolis.

He “recruited, interviewed and staffed volunteer education and transportation programs for people living with HIV and AIDS,” his resume states.

Shaw next returned to Little Rock where he served from January 1998 to December 2004 as Theology Department Chair at the Mt. St. Mary Academy. His work included creating theology lessons for ninth-12th graders and creating a social justice program for 12th graders.

Upon moving to D.C., Shaw served as classroom teacher and vice principal at several schools, including the D.C. Public School’s Benning Elementary School; vice principal at Chavez Prep Public Charter School; vice principal at Bridges Public Charter School; Special Education Coordinator at Monument Academy Public Charter School; and Special Education Case Management and Math Intervention Specialist at D.C.’s College Preparatory Academy for Boys.

“Patrick dedicated 38 wonderful years to teaching, from 1987 to 2025, inspiring generations of students with his passion, wit, and kindness,” Martinez said in his statement.  

Shaw was predeceased by his mother, Myrna G. Shaw, and is survived by his father, Thomas H. Shaw, his brother, James Shaw (Michele), his sister, Angela Mahairi (Wafai), and his cherished niece and nephews Austin, Tariq, Reed, Ramy, and Jasmine, according to information provided by Martinez.  

Martinez said  a funeral mass would soon be held in Little Rock, Shaw’s hometown.

“His family will be honoring one of his last wishes,” Martinez wrote, “to be returned home and remembered in a unique and meaningful way” – by having a tree planted in his honor, “a living tribute to the full and beautiful life he lived.”

Details of the location of the planted tree will be shared soon to offer a place where “friends and family can visit, reflect, and stay connected with his spirit,” Martinez states. 

In D.C. a celebration of life for Shaw is scheduled to be held Saturday, May 3, from 2-5 p.m. at JR.’s bar at 1519 17th Street, N.W. Martinez points out that the tribute will be held during JR.’s weekly Saturday “Showtunes” event, in which sing-along performances of famous Broadway musicals are shown on video screens.   

“JR.’s Saturday Showtunes were one of Patrick’s absolute favorite traditions, and gathering in that spirit feels like the perfect way to honor him,” Martinez said. 

“Many have asked how they can help,” Martinez concludes in his statement. “In response we’ve created a GoFundMe page to support funeral expenses, help find a loving home for Patrick’s beloved dog, Birdie, and assist with other needs during this difficult time.”

Any remaining funds, according to Martinez, will be donated to a charity “that reflects Patrick’s passions and values.”

The GoFundMe page can be accessed at: gofundme.com/f/honoring-patrick-shaws-vibrant-legacy.

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Obituary

Local attorney, LGBTQ rights advocate Dale Sanders dies at 75

Acclaimed lawyer credited with advancing legal rights for people with HIV/AIDS

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Dale Edwin Sanders (Photo courtesy of the family)

Dale Edwin Sanders, an attorney who practiced law in D.C. and Northern Virginia for more than 40 years and is credited with playing a key role in providing legal services for people living with HIV/AIDS beginning in the early 1980s, died April 10 at the age of 75.

His brother, Wade Sanders, said the cause of death was a heart attack that occurred at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore shortly after he had back surgery.

Wade Sanders described his brother as a “trial lawyer, passionate criminal defense, and civil litigator for  human rights” for close to 50 years, with some of his work focused on “civil law, notably gay-related insurance discrimination during the AIDS epidemic.”

He called his brother “a zealous advocate for the oppressed, his clients, and his personal convictions.”

Born in Arlington, Va., and raised in McLean, Va., Dale Sanders graduated from Langley High School in McLean and received his bachelor’s degree from the University of Virginia, his brother said. He received his law degree from D.C.’s American University Washington College of Law and began his law practice in 1976 in Old Town, Alexandria, Wade Sanders said.

Amy Nelson, director of Legal Services for D.C. ‘s Whitman-Walker Health, said Sanders became one of Whitman-Walker’s original volunteer pro-bono attorneys in the 1980s.

“Dale was a beloved part of the legal services program and our medical-legal partnership for nearly 40 years,” Nelson said. “Dale was one of the clinic’s first volunteer attorneys at Whitman-Walker’s weekly, legal walk-in clinic offering free counseling to clients about their legal rights in the face of HIV/AIDS and LGBT discrimination from employers, landlords, medical providers, and insurance companies,” according to Nelson.

Nelson added, “Dale represented dozens of people impacted by the ignorance and prejudice attendant to an HIV/AIDS diagnosis, and his litigation wins were instrumental in advancing the legal rights of persons living with HIV/AIDS.”

Sanders’s most recent case on behalf of Whitman-Walker took place in 2023 in support of a transgender woman in Virginia who faced discrimination from her employer and health insurer, Nelson said.

In 1989, Whitman-Walker presented Sanders with its Gene Frey Award for Volunteer Service, and in 1994 presented him with its Founders Award for Pro Bono Legal Services, Nelson told the Blade. She said in 2024, Whitman-Walker re-named its annual Going the Extra Mile Pro Bono Award as the Dale Sanders Award for Pro Bono Excellence.

“Dale’s legacy helped to shape HIV/AIDS law, and his fierce commitment to justice will live on at Whitman-Walker Health,” Nelson said in a statement. “We will miss him dearly.” 

Daniel Bruner, who served as Whitman-Walker’s legal services director prior to Amy Nelson taking that position, said Sanders played a role in shaping his own legal skills and knowledge.

“Dale was one of my earliest legal models among local, and national, advocates for people living with HIV and LGBT people,” Bruner told the Blade. “He was a fierce, persistent advocate for his clients and for the community,” Bruner said, adding, “He won key victories in several cases where employees’ or health care patients’ privacy had been egregiously violated. I certainly will never forget him.”

Wade Sanders said his brother was also an avid bridge player, saying he played competitively. “He earned the rank of Ruby Life Master, a pretty big deal in the bridge world,” Wade Sanders said.

Dale Sanders is survived by his husband, Christian Samonte; his sister, Joyce Sanders of York, S.C.; his brother Wade Sanders of West Jefferson, N.C.; and his beloved dogs Langley and Abigail, his brother said in a statement.

A memorial service for Dale Sanders organized by the Sanders family and the LGBTQ Catholic group Dignity Washington will be held Saturday, May 10, at 1 p.m. at St. Margaret’s Episcopal Church at 1830 Connecticut Ave., N.W. in D.C., a Dignity Washington spokesperson said. 

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Obituary

Nanette Kazaoka, an unlikely AIDS activist, dies at 83

Member of ACT-UP, longtime social justice advocate

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Nanette Kazaoka (Photo courtesy the family)

Nanette Kazaoka, a well-known figure in the fight for HIV/AIDS awareness and the rights of marginalized communities, passed away on Oct. 2 at her home in New York City. She was 83. The cause of death was complications from vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, according to a statement from her daughter Kelly Kochendorfer.

Kazaoka was an advocate for justice, particularly in the early days of the AIDS crisis, when she became a member of the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power, or ACT-Up. She is perhaps best remembered for her participation in a 2004 protest in front of Madison Square Garden during the Republican National Convention, when she and 11 fellow activists staged a dramatic naked demonstration, demanding debt cancellation for impoverished countries, according to a statement from the family. 

“Bush, Stop AIDS. Drop the Debt Now!” they chanted, with slogans stenciled in black paint on their bodies. The bold protest drew national attention and underscored the urgency of global debt relief as a key element in the fight against AIDS.

She was born Nanette Natalina Bottinelli on June 12, 1941, in New York City. Her father, Angelo, worked as a waiter at the St. Regis Hotel, while her mother, Betty McComb, was a part-time burlesque dancer. 

She married her first husband, Fred Kochendorfer, in 1963, and they had two children together, Kim Skrobe and Kelly, both of whom survive her. 

Kazaoka’s journey to Fire Island marked a transformative period in her life. Kochendorfer wanted to live there, and so they began renting in 1967. Kazaoka then made a bold decision that would shape her future: She left her husband for another man and began living on Fire Island in 1968-1969, with the children attending school in Ocean Beach, according to the family’s statement.

This period coincided with the early days of the gay rights movement, as Fire Island was emerging as a hub for LGBTQ culture. Her experiences during these years contributed to the strong sense of activism and solidarity that would later define her role in ACT-UP and the broader fight for LGBTQ rights.

Kazaoka’s second husband, Katsushiga “Kats” Kazaoka, a Japanese-American psychologist who had been interred during World War II, died of cancer in 1984, pushing her to enter the workforce as a receptionist while studying occupational therapy at Downstate Medical Center. By 1990, she had earned her degree and sought work with AIDS patients.

In 1988, a close friend introduced her to ACT-UP, sparking the start of her full-time dedication to AIDS activism, the family said. Kazaoka became known for her passionate, unrelenting activism, whether protesting at City Hall or challenging anti-LGBTQ policies at St. Luke’s Hospital.

Kazaoka’s activism spanned 35 years, making her a beloved and respected figure within ACT-UP and beyond, the family noted. She was featured in Sarah Schulman’s “Let the Record Show: A Political History of ACT-Up New York, 1987-1993” as well as “Act-Up Oral History, No. 162,” a digital history. She was the cover photo of “Fag Hags, Divas and Moms: The Legacy of Straight Women in the AIDS Community,” and was included in The New York Times T Living Magazine story, “LEGENDS PIONEERS AND SURVIVORS.

Her dedication to science continued even after her passing: She donated her brain to the Mount Sinai NIH Brain and Tissue Repository for research to advance the understanding of the human brain health and disease to help end dementia, the family said.

Along with her daughters, Kazaoka is survived by her son-in-law John Skrobe, granddaughter Stella Skrobe and daughter-in-law Christine Arax, all of New York. She and her third husband, Paul Haskell, divorced in 2000. 

Nanette Kazaoka marches in an ACT UP action in the 1990s. (Photo courtesy the family)
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