May 6, 2010 | by Joey DiGuglielmo
Queery: Ellen Davis

Ellen Davis never thought she’d be a mom but an unexpected epiphany changed all that. “I never thought I’d have kids,” the 45-year-old insurance broker says. “But I just woke up one morning at 27 and it was truly like my body was saying, ‘OK, where’s the kid? Where’s the baby?’ At first I couldn’t quite understand it and I know it may be hard for you to grasp, but it was literally like my body was saying this and it did that every day. It really got to be a driving force.”

Davis, a lesbian, found a spouse who shared her dreams and they were married 16 years ago (she declines to name her partner). Davis gave birth to their two sons, 10-year-old Noah and 7-year-old Jacob, and says their life in Potomac, Md., is wonderful 99 percent of the time.

“Sure, there are those moments where I feel like my head is going to explode, but they’re so brief.” Davis says she’s much more conscious of how quickly her sons are growing rather than being a lesbian family. “The time we actually have them in our arms is a very short period of time,” she says. “Sure, I hope they always come over even in their 20s and 30s and want to snuggle on the couch and watch a soccer game or share a meal or whatever. But of course eventually they’ll have their own life. I’m sure we’ll always have a fantastic relationship but I’m also aware that the time I have them, to see them, touch them, feel them, play with them, go places — it’s very brief.”

An insurance broker for 26 years and a mortgage broker for 24, Davis branched out and started her own company, Life Health Home Insurance Group in Potomac and Gaithersburg last year. The New York native enjoys family time, reading, traveling and cooking but says relaxing moments are rare with two kids, a wife and a company. “My first thought for the book question,” she says with a chuckle, was, “Mom, mom … MOM! because that’s what I hear all the time.” (Blade photo by Michael Key)

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
Out since I’m 14. I thought the hardest person to tell would be my mother but when I said the words “Mom I’m gay” it was the easiest thing I had ever said to her. I came out to my parents when I was 18.

Who’s your gay hero?
My brother Eric, who passed away two years ago. While alive he was an education evaluator for the New York City public school system for 23-plus years. He worked with emotionally and physically handicapped/disturbed students and they and their families adored him. In his short life he was able to touch thousands of lives.

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?
By the time we moved to the D.C. area we were past the bar scene so I would have to say any of our friends’ homes or ours having a dinner party with good food, good wine and a ton of laughter!

What’s your dream gay wedding?
At the time we had our ceremony, 13 years ago, we were able to have a wedding and reception that met all of our expectations and dreams at that point in our lives. If we chose to do the wedding and reception over again now I would definitely do some things differently but for the most part we created what we wanted.

What non-gay issue are you most passionate about?
Anything that deals with my children, their education, their safety, their health, etc.

What historical outcome would you change?
The Holocaust.

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
Dancing at the Palladium in NYC.

On what do you insist?
Integrity, honesty and being as positive as you can in your statements, actions and life.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?
Today is “Bring your Child to Work Day” and my two boys made a very convincing argument yesterday as to why they should not go to school today and “work” with me. They have been so excited that they have already filled out their applications for employment, at 6 a.m. It’s 7 a.m. and I already have two new agents in training — it’s already a banner day. I’m so glad I’ll have the opportunity to share my day with them.

If your life were a book, what would the title be?
“2.2 Kids and a White Picket Fence”

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
Celebrate who I am.

What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
I believe that after our bodies die that our souls continue to be.

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?
Keep working together to create the opportunity for the federal government to recognize same-sex marriage/partnership. Every person deserves to have the protections and benefits of the federal government.

What would you walk across hot coals for?
My children.

What gay stereotype annoys you most?
Any negative stereotype that are highlighted and chosen for the media.

What’s your favorite gay movie?
There are several but every time we see “Imagine You & Me” on TV we have to watch it. It’s just a great, feel good movie and both leading ladies are beautiful and sexy!

What’s the most overrated social custom?
Having dessert after dinner instead of as your main course.

What trophy or prize do you most covet?
My wife.

What do you wish you’d known at 18?
Hahahaha, wait I have to stop laughing so I can catch my breath. What do you mean “what do I wish I’d known at 18?” I knew everything at 18!

Why Washington?
We moved here 15 years ago looking for a culturally diverse city that we could comfortably raise a family in. Washington gave us that.

Joey DiGuglielmo is the Features Editor for the Washington Blade.

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