Managing new relationships

Are you making your new relationship even harder by “playing the game” or avoiding certain topics because they make you uncomfortable? Dating newsflash of the week:  If you’re serious about finding a relationship, avoidance hinders your chances of turning dates one, two and three into a serious relationship. Here’s our advice:

Myth No. 1: Wait for three days to call. This policy is anachronistic and arbitrary. Whomever made up the three-day call rule or abides by it needs some serious dating advice. If you want to communicate with the person you were flirting with the night before, pick up the phone. If you had a two-hour conversation with someone at a party two nights prior, then pick up the phone and ask her/him out. We don’t believe that waiting a certain period of time shows any sign of interest. Texting is easier but it’s a cop out.  (And is texting really easier than pressing “call” on your phone?) Waiting to see if (s)he will call you first is just immature. You want a date? Initiate contact.

Myth No. 2: The “man” pays for the date.  Old-fashioned much? Understand dating in the modern world, people. So, let’s say a friend/Grindr/matchmaker set you up for a first date (or second) for Friday night, dinner.  You have a blast, as you do with someone you really like. The meal is delicious and wine or tea is paired perfectly, conversation is effortless, chemistry is there. When the dinner check arrives, why is it all of a sudden awkward? Modern etiquette suggests that the person who asked the other out is responsible for covering the check. In the situation where you are set up by your matchmaker or a close friend, split it. It is always polite to offer to pay regardless of the situation. Show you are mannered and don’t assume your date is paying. Note: If you are going on a date with someone who is more financially successful than you, also don’t assume (s)he is paying. It’s not only inconsiderate, but downright rude. Assuming the other person is paying gives off a cheap vibe, which no one likes.

Myth No. 3: No one wants to have the “are-we-exclusive” talk. Having this conversation can be very difficult for most. If you really are interested in a relationship and genuinely like someone, don’t sleep with her/him until you decide to be exclusive. If you are sure that you are the only person (s)he is seeing, and you two are spending five nights a week together, then the conversation should be easy. If you are casually seeing one another, then this conversation can be more difficult. To ease “the chat,” be open and upfront with her/him in the beginning of your relationship, in that you are looking for a relationship. No, you won’t scare her/him away by saying this (as long as you don’t say “I want a serious relationship and I want it with you” right off the bat).

Myth No. 4: We are going to have sex on date #3, otherwise, (s)he isn’t into me. This is certainly tough territory when it comes to managing a new relationship. If you didn’t “give in” on your first date/meeting, how do you handle when it’s time to get down and dirty? Sex has different meanings to many people. If you are seeking a relationship, don’t build/start a relationship based on sex. It won’t last! You have to be attracted to the person not only physically, but emotionally as well. If you both are really invested in building a relationship, then it is worth waiting to have sex until it really feels right.

Myth No. 5:  (S)he didn’t kiss me on our first date – (s)he isn’t interested in me. Come on now, mature single people — is a kiss really the “make it or break it” factor? We know from years of experience in coaching singles that some people don’t even believe in kissing on the first date. Kissing is one of the most intimate things two people do together. Many times, at the close of a first date, the two of you are standing outside a restaurant and saying goodbye. This might not be exactly where you want to have your first kiss. Don’t be upset or read into it. Some people don’t like PDA. Make sure to have an intimate second (or third, fourth) date where you know you will not have to worry about any onlookers.

These are just a few hot topics prevalent in new relationships.  Got a specific question for Kim and Meghann? Send us an email, info@mixologydc.com or tweet us, @MixologyDC or @MixologyLA.