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Showdown over an ‘R’ rating

New documentary on bullying leads lesbian teen on a mission

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A promotional still from the film ‘Bully.’ (Photo courtesy the Weinstein Co.)

Katy Butler, 17, launched a Change.org petition to change the rating for the upcoming documentary “Bully” and was in D.C. last week to bring attention to her cause.

“When I saw this new movie was coming out, I thought it was so awesome, because it was about bullying and had such a great message, and then I saw that it was rated ‘R’ … it’s missing the entire target audience of the film, which is the middle and high school students,” Butler says about why she started the petition.

Filmed over the 2009-10 school year, “Bully,” directed by Lee Hirsch, follows three students who have been bullied, including one who brought a gun to school and is now in juvenile detention awaiting the outcome of her case, and two sets of parents whose sons committed suicide after being bullied.

The film’s website, thebullyproject.com, states that more than 13 million American kids will be bullied this year and three million students are absent each month because they do not feel safe in school. A disproportionate number of them are LGBT.

According to filmratings.com, a website the Motion Picture Association of America links to, “Bully” received an ‘R’ rating for “some language.” The word “fuck” is used multiple times in the film.

According to the MPAA’s classification and rating rules effective, Jan. 1, 2010, “a motion picture’s single use of one of the harsher sexually derived words … initially requires at least a PG-13 rating. More than one such expletive requires an R rating, as must even one of those words used in a sexual context.”

One of the complaints about the rating is the difficulty pre-teens and most teenagers will have in seeing the film. While an R rating does not keep them from seeing the movie altogether, it does restrict when they can see it, since they will need a parent with them.

It is also more difficult to get schools to show R-rated films, as it requires permission slips to be signed in many school districts.

“The R rating is not a judgment on the value of any movie. The rating simply conveys to parents that a film has elements strong enough to require careful consideration before allowing their children to view it,” Joan Graves, chairman of the classification and rating administration, said in a statement released after receiving the petition.

Butler, who came out as a lesbian in middle school, has been the victim of bullying herself.

“My school didn’t really like that, they called me names … pushed me into lockers and into walls, they ended up slamming my hand into my locker and breaking my finger,” Butler says.

Some have asked why the filmmakers don’t just remove the scenes with the expletives, or censor just the word, since many say if the word was used more sparingly, the film would have received a PG-13 rating, but Butler doesn’t think that would help matters.

“They can’t take out the word, it won’t have the same message. It won’t have the same effect on the kids, parents and teachers who see this movie,” Butler says. “Those are the words that kids used everyday in school to bully each other … no one goes into schools and takes out those words.”

The MPAA also hosted a screening with D.C.-area principals and educators on March 15. The screening was followed by a panel discussion on the challenges educators face in dealing with bullying and how to best ensure that students feel safe when they are in school.

MPAA Chairman Chris Dodd (a former U.S. senator), “Bully” distributor Harvey Weinstein, “Bully” director Lee Hirsch, D.C. Public Schools Chancellor Kaya Henderson and Joseph Wright, senior vice president and head of the Child Health Advocacy Institute at Children’s National Medical Center in Washington, were on the panel.

As of Tuesday afternoon, Butler’s petition had garnered about 439,000 signatures.

Graves’s statement said that the MPAA shares Butler’s goal of highlighting the problems with bullying.

“Katy Butler’s efforts in bringing the issue of bullying to the forefront of a national discussion in the context of this new film are commendable and we welcome the feedback about this movie’s rating,” Graves said in the statement. “We hope that her efforts will fuel more discussion among educators, parents and children.”

Butler has met with the head of the ratings board, when she hand delivered the signed petitions.

Katy Butler was in Washington last week to encourage the MPAA to reconsider its R rating for the new documentary ‘Bully.’ (Blade photo by Michael Key)

Butler’s efforts to change the rating have been noticed by many, including Ellen DeGeneres, who had Butler on her talk show and has asked her viewers to follow her lead and sign the petition.

“Ellen is wonderful, she is one of my roles models,” Butler says of the comedian. “I definitely couldn’t be doing what I’m doing right now without her.”

DeGeneres is not the only celebrity to push for the MPAA to change the rating. New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees has Tweeted for his followers to sign the petition. A bipartisan group of 26 members of Congress has thrown its support behind the petition.

Younger celebrities, such as Justin Beiber and Demi Lovato, have also been pushing for people to sign the petition, Tweeting about it to their many followers.

“I think [Bieber and Lovato] especially are hitting the preteen, middle school age group because those are their fans,” Butler says. “If your role model is supporting something as important as bullying, then a lot of the time, these kids are going to look at it too.”

Butler will receive a special award, presented by Harvey Weinstein, whose production company is releasing the film, at GLAAD’s 23rd annual Media Awards in New York City on Saturday.

“The MPAA made a mistake in restricting this film to adult audiences. Everyone — young and old alike — needs to see this film and the devastating impact that bullying can have on today’s young people,” says GLAAD spokesperson Herndon Graddick. “Katy has bravely used her voice to take a stand and has inspired countless Americans, including so many members of Congress and public figures, to show their support for the safety of all our children.”

All the advocacy toward changing “Bully’s” rating is just the beginning for this high school junior. Butler plans on studying political activism once she finishes high school. She would like to attend the University of Michigan or a school in the D.C., New York or Chicago areas.

“Bully” opens in theaters in New York and Los Angeles on March 30 and D.C. and other cities on April 13.

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Friends of Dorothy Cafe hosts event at City-State Public House

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Friends of Dorothy Cafe will host “Living History: How We Loved” on Thursday, May 14 at 7:30 p.m. at City-State Public House. 

Guests will hear how queer and trans people have loved and cared for one another, especially when legal, medical, and social systems did not recognize those relationships. We’ll reflect on chosen family, long-term partnerships before marriage equality, caregiving during the AIDS crisis, hidden romances, friendship as survival, chosen family, and the loves that changed the course of our lives. This evening is about honoring lived experience, preserving community memory, and strengthening the bridge between generations.

Tickets are $24.57 and are available on Eventbrite

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Calendar

Calendar: May 8-14

LGBTQ events in the days to come

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Friday, May 8

Center Aging Monthly Luncheon With Yoga will be at noon at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. Email Mac at [email protected] if you require ASL interpreter assistance, have any dietary restrictions, or questions about this event.

Women in their Twenties and Thirties will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a social discussion group for queer women in the Washington, D.C. area. For more details, visit the group’s Facebook

The DC Center for the LGBT Community will host “We Are Pat” at 12:30 p.m. This event takes a fresh look at the iconic Saturday Night Live sketch “It’s Pat” and traces how ideas about gender and what we laugh at have shifted from the ’90s to today. What began as a character born out of cultural anxiety around gender now lands in a world shaped by ongoing debates about transness and queerness. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website

Saturday, May 9

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 11 a.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ community, including allies, together for delicious food and conversation.  Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite

Sunday, May 10

Drag Queen Sip and Paint Experience Washington DC will be at 4 p.m. at Town Tavern. This is a fabulous experience brought to you by Sip and Paint USA and combines the joy of painting with the lively energy of a drag queen, offering an hour and a half of fun, creativity, and entertainment. Participants paint a canvas while enjoying cocktails, all under the guidance of a glamorous drag queen host. Tickets are $47.19 and can be purchased on Eventbrite

Monday, May 11

Center Aging: Monday Coffee Klatch” will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of choice. For more information, contact Adam ([email protected]).

Genderqueer DC will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a support group for people who identify outside of the gender binary, whether you’re bigender, agender, genderfluid, or just know that you’re not 100% cis. For more details, visit genderqueerdc.org or Facebook

Tuesday, May 12

Trans Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This event is intended to provide an emotionally and physically safe space for trans* people and those who may be questioning their gender identity/expression to join together in community and learn from one another. For more details, email [email protected]

Coming Out Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a safe space to share experiences about coming out and discuss topics as it relates to doing so — by sharing struggles and victories the group allows those newly coming out and who have been out for a while to learn from others. For more details, visit the group’s Facebook.  

Wednesday, May 13

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom upon request. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit thedccenter.org/careers.

The DC Center for the LGBT Community will host “Movement for Healing” at 3 p.m. This trauma- and yoga therapy–informed class is designed to help guests gently reconnect with their body and their breath. Through mindful movement, somatic awareness, and grounding practices, guests will explore how to release tension, increase mobility, and cultivate a deeper sense of safety and ease within. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website

Thursday, May 14

Virtual Yoga Class will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This free weekly class is a combination of yoga, breathwork and meditation that allows LGBTQ+ community members to continue their healing journey with somatic and mindfulness practices. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website.  

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Television

Repression, toxic masculinity fuel intense queer drama ‘Half Man’

A solidly crafted, well-acted, fascinating binge watch

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Jamie Bell and Richard Gadd in ‘Half Man.’ (Photo courtesy of BBC1/HBO Max)

In 2024, when Richard Gadd’s “Baby Reindeer” became a stock-boosting hit for Netflix, there were few Americans who knew his name.

In the UK, however, the Scottish writer/comedian/actor had already emerged as a talent to be reckoned with, blending autobiographical stand-up comedy with theater to create a reputation as an edgy and provocative creator whose shows tended to be equal parts divisive and successful. One of these, his fictionalized true-life story of being stalked and sexually harassed by a female fan, became an Olivier Award-winning hit in the London theater; that was “Baby Reindeer,” and – in the form of a seven-episode miniseries adaptation – it became the vehicle that carried him to wider fame.

Two years later, Gadd has returned with another high-profile miniseries, this time for HBO Max, and like its predecessor, it’s a story that deals with queer sexual repression, unhealthy attachments, and a central relationship that can safely be described without exaggeration as “toxic” – and it’s an even darker (and more twisted) ride that stretches across decades. 

“Half Man,” which debuted on April 23 and continues with one episode per week through May 14, is the story of two “brothers” – Niall (Jamie Bell) and Ruben (Gadd) – whose mothers (Neve McIntosh and Marianne McIvor) have become a lesbian couple after leaving their relationships with the boys’ respective fathers. They are seeming opposites in personality; Niall is quiet, sensitive, and secretly unsure about his sexuality, while Ruben is tough, rebellious, and prone to violence – and unsurprisingly, it’s a match made in hell.

We meet them at the top of the first episode as adults, on the day of Niall’s wedding, when Ruben shows up without warning; his appearance triggers what looks like fear in his “brother from another lover,” and a private meeting between them in a barn at the wedding site turns ugly, launching a flashback format that takes us back to their schooldays, when young Ruben (Stuart Campbell) – already in trouble with the law and trying for a new start – comes home from juvenile detention to become roommate, protector, and bully to young Niall (Mitchell Robertson), all in one.

It’s the dawn of a new and epic relationship, despite a history that has made Niall terrified of the older boy; their seemingly opposite qualities somehow mesh into a kind of symbiotic bubble, in which a tense equilibrium turns them into unlikely allies. Ruben makes sure Niall has nothing to fear from the sniggering schoolyard homophobes who target him, and Niall helps Ruben pass the tests he needs to pass in order to stay in school, Nevertheless, their dynamic is equal parts surprisingly tender and alarmingly lopsided. Though they form a bond, it’s a volatile one, and by the end of episode one – after an uncomfortable-to-watch late night incident that amounts to a sexual assault – there is little doubt that Ruben is a psychopath. By then, however, it’s too late; Niall has become hopelessly ensnared by his manipulations, and their dangerous attachment has taken permanent root.

In episode two, the timeline moves the past forward several years (while rolling the wedding-day story back a few hours as well), bringing Niall forward to his college years. Ruben is once again absent from his life, but the bond is still deep. He struggles to make connections in his new setting – including with another student, the openly gay Alby (Bilal Hasna), who recognizes a side of him that he has still yet to accept for himself. Though he gradually begins to adapt to his new social circle, his insecurities get the better of him – and despite warnings from his mother not to do so, he calls Ruben to come and visit. His arrival triggers another escalating series of incidents, this time entangling Niall’s new friends and culminating in a shocking, jealous-fueled explosion of violence.

Without going on with the story – after all, the two remaining episodes have yet to be released, so we wouldn’t want to spoil anything – it’s safe to say there’s a pattern here, and it’s intentional.

Gadd has already been public about his own struggles with repression, which were directly explored (albeit fictionally) in “Baby Reindeer,” and it’s clear that he had more to say about the effects they had on his life and identity.

As he put it himself, in an interview with the Hollywood Reporter, “Themes of, I guess, masculinity, or what it means to be a man, or ‘I’ve gone through a masculinity crisis’ come into [the show] probably because I’ve been through that in my life, and I feel I can write to it and speak to it.

“I always think that the best kind of art is kept close to your chest, kept close to your heart, kept close to your experiences, and I guess with ‘Half Man,’ there’s a lot in it that I relate to. It’s not an autobiographical piece by any stretch, it’s purely fiction, but it certainly borrows from themes and struggles and issues that I understand.”

That understanding translates to the series through its focus on tracing the roots of Niall and Ruben’s relationship by methodically tracking the cause-and-effect chain that links the major events of their lives together. It explores the contradictory combination of worship and terror, the transgressive eroticism that intertwines danger and desire, the power of the forbidden to make us want it more, and the self-loathing that punishes itself through violence toward others. The inverted framework of the storytelling, which works both forward and back to meet at (we assume) some definitive point, makes following it a bit like putting together a puzzle, which also has the effect of building suspense as we wait to see the “moment of truth.”

Of course, those who prefer a more straightforward narrative might not appreciate the additional challenge, especially when the subject matter – which revolves around experiences, feelings, and behavior that might be entirely unfamiliar to many audiences – is challenging enough by itself, in its own way. Likewise, and for much the same reason, there will be viewers who are unable to relate to its characters, as some of the show’s less-favorable reviews have pointed out.

But it would be naive to assume that the themes in “Half Man” – of fragile masculinity, internalized homophobia, misdirected rage, nihilistic rebellion, conflicted desires, projected shame, and the other ingredients that infuse this shadow-boxing psychodrama with such a distinctive musky odor – do not apply to more men in today’s culture of incels, “looksmaxxers,” and “the Man-o-sphere” than any of them would like to admit. We’d wager that its portrait of a same-sex, sub/Dom, borderline incestuous relationship might resonate more urgently there than within a queer community that has been grappling with those issues for generations already and are just waiting for everybody else to catch up.

In any case, Gadd’s newest variation on a theme is a solidly crafted, well-acted, and hypnotically fascinating (if sometimes uncomfortable) exercise in the kind of “can’t look away” drama that makes for a perfect binge watch. Or, at least, it will once all the episodes drop.

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