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Out of the country closet

Chely Wright on how her faith led her to come out

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Last month, for the first time in the history of country music, an established country singer came out. In the May 17 issue of People magazine, Chely Wright discussed how she knew she was gay by age 9, but thought she had to hide it to succeed in music — living a lie that drove her to consider suicide in 2006.

Wright had her biggest hit in 1999 with “Single White Female,” which went to No. 1; made People’s list of Most Beautiful people in 2001, and dated fellow country singer Brad Paisley. In her People interview, she described how she decided to come out when making her new album, “Lifted Off the Ground.”

Wright also has a new memoir, “Like Me,” and has spent the days since the People story hit newsstands in a whirlwind of interviews, from Oprah to Larry King,

She performed at the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation Media Awards on June 5, and is scheduled to serve as grand marshal of Michigan Pride on June 12 and headline Capital Pride in Washington, D.C. on June 13.

She is also headlining Chicago Pride and recently joined the board of Faith in America, a nonprofit group that works to end “religion-based bigotry” against LGBT people.

“Chely’s decision is creating an opportunity for the voices of acceptance and equality to be heard and history has shown that those voices reflect the true hearts and minds of most Americans,” says FIA founder Mitchell Gold.

In an interview, Wright talked about growing up closeted in rural Kansas and her assertion that it’s possible to be gay and a Christian.

“I knew that I was different, but from the minute that I realized what the difference in me was, I went into hiding. It was an undefined prison without bars. I thought I had a birth defect or that I was possessed by the Devil,” she said.

“I spun my mind around all day long trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Then, I had that preacher standing there telling me what was wrong with me and that I was going to hell. I was being told that I would never fit in anywhere.”

She added, “The most compelling things that I have been told by the LGBT community is, ‘Thank you for coming out and for talking about your relationship with God.’ My faith defines me more than anything else.”

The country music industry is considered conservative, so many LGBT advocates have praised Wright for bravery in coming out.

“It was a result of my finally submitting to God. In my new book, ‘Like Me,’ I detail the tipping point for me was getting on my knees the day after I had a gun in my mouth about to kill myself. I prayed, ‘Dear God, give me a moment’s peace. We’ve been doin’ it my way for 36 years. Now, I’m ready to do it your way. Show me the way.’

“His answer was, ‘OK, You’re going to stand up and tell your truth.’ … Not only do we damage ourselves when we hide, but we wreak havoc on those around us. I detached from my family and it confused them. I tried to have relationships with men that hurt them. It’s a no-win situation. People get hurt when you lie.”

She continued: “When we try to be in a relationship that we know we’re not supposed to be in, whether it’s having sex or just going to the movies and holding hands with a man when we know we’d rather be there holding hands with a woman, that’s a lie. It’s wrong.

“I just got a letter from a man who came through an autograph line. He said, ‘I’m a gay man and I’ve been married to a woman for 15 years and I’ve ruined her life. I haven’t made love to her in years. She’s been eating herself into oblivion and now weighs over 300 pounds, she’s depressed, and she feels ugly. She’s a beautiful woman trapped inside of a fat body because of what I’ve been doing to her. Your book has made me realize what I’ve done to her. This isn’t going to be easy, but I am going to come out to her.’”

Washington Blade: You made a statement when you were on Oprah where you were talking about the gay children in this country who are hearing churches preaching that they are damaged goods and that their parents are echoing that in their homes.

Do you think that if the parents and churches would just let these children know that they are unconditionally loved and accepted, they wouldn’t grow up thinking that they must attempt a “normal” life where innocent people are dragged into their attempts to “be normal” like this poor man and his family?

Chely Wright: The parents are quite as culpable as the church. When parents take a child to a church and say, “This is my baby, help me raise them,” they’re well-intentioned. I don’t want to point fingers but I do want to identify where we are going wrong. We need to start looking at churches where kids are hearing this message of “You are broken.” This whole “Love the sinner, hate the sin” — I’m so tired of that. That’s a problem for me. Isn’t that so empty?

Blade: Yes, because a gay person rarely, if ever, sees any “love” from someone who uses that phrase.

Wright: Sin is decision-making. I don’t have a choice to love a man. It’s a sin for me to try to love a man. I will mess a man up. I will mess me up and I will leave a wake of carnage behind me.

Blade: Do you get the feeling that country music was ready for your coming out?

Wright: Not entirely. People who are supportive are so excited that there is someone who has finally stepped out. That’s been so amazing that people are posting positive comments on my Facebook page.

On the other side, people really hate quietly. Let that not go unnoticed. Some of the most damaging hate in history has been done privately behind closed doors or with hoods over their heads.

For the first time in 10 years, my charity concert, “Reading, Writing and Rhythm,” [on June 8] isn’t sold out. Only about half the tickets have been sold. It could be that because Nashville had the flood, people might just be all charitied-out.

I can tell you this, though: We’ve been begging the other acts to please put the event on their social networking sites. That’s never been a problem in the past to get them to help us advertise it to their fans. Other than Rodney Crowell, SheDaisy and Jann Arden, nobody else is telling their fans that they are performing at my event.

Blade: That’s eye-opening.

Wright: Isn’t it? I think that they don’t want to cancel because what would it say about them if they canceled? So they just want to quietly slip in, sing their few songs and get out of there.

Blade: Next week is Fan Fair in Nashville. [The official CMA Music Festival is June 10-13.] Are you expecting to get a better feel for the reaction from country fans when you’re there?

Wright: Nashville whispered about me for years. I didn’t come out to confirm it to the people in Nashville who had heard that I was gay. I came out for the 14-year-old kid sitting in church being told, “Don’t be that, because you’re doomed to a life of ruination. You’re not going to be a good human being if you’re going to be that.”

Blade: When you and your dad recently appeared on Oprah, your dad spoke of his immediate change of heart when you came out to him.

Wright: When I told my dad that I was gay and he heard that word “gay” next to his daughter’s face, name and heart, it changed that word for him. My dad was more effective in moving a million small mountains on the Oprah show than I was.

Oprah asked him, “Stan, what changed? You went from thinking that gay meant sinful, perverted and sick to being accepting the moment Chely said she was gay. What changed?”

He looked at Oprah and he said, “I know her heart.”

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Music & Concerts

Musical icons and newer stars to rock D.C. this spring

Brandi Carlile, Bad Bunny, Nicki Minaj, and more headed our way

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Brandi Carlile plays the Anthem this month.

Bands and solo artists of all different genres are visiting D.C. this spring. Patti LaBelle and Gladys Knight will team up to perform at the Wolf Trap in June, and girl in red will play at the Anthem in April. Some artists and bands aren’t paying a visit until the summer, like Janet Jackson and Usher, but there are still plenty of acts to see as the weather warms up. 

MARCH 

Brandi Carlile plays at the Anthem on March 21; Arlo Parks will perform at 9:30 Club on March 23; Girlschool will take the stage at Blackcat on March 28.

APRIL 

Nicki Minaj stops in D.C. at Capital One Arena as part of her North American tour on April 1; Bad Bunny plays at Capital One Arena on April 9 as part of his Most Wanted tour; girl in red performs at the Anthem on April 20 and 21; Brandy Clark plays at the Birchmere on April 25; Laufey comes to town to play at the Anthem on April 25 and 26. 

MAY 

Belle and Sebastian play at the Anthem on May 2; Chastity Belt performs at Blackcat on May 4; Madeleine Peyroux stops at the Birchmere on May 5; The Decemberists play at the Anthem on May 10; the rock band Mannequin Pussy performs at the Atlantis on May 17 and 18; Hozier plays at Merriweather Post Pavilion on May 17 as part of the Unreal Unearth tour. 

JUNE 

Patti LaBelle and Gladys Knight will sing soulful melodies at Wolf Trap on June 8; Joe Jackson performs at the Lincoln Theatre on June 10; the Pixies and Modest Mouse are teaming up to play at Merriweather Post Pavilion on June 14; Maggie Rogers plays at Merriweather Post Pavilion on June 16 as part of The Don’t Forget Me tour; Brittany Howard headlines the Out & About Festival at Wolf Trap on June 22; Sarah McLachlan plays at Merriweather Post Pavilion on June 27; Alanis Morissette performs at Merriweather Post Pavilion on June 29 and 30

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Music & Concerts

Grammys: Queer women and their sisters took down the house

Taylor Swift won Album of the Year

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When the late, great Ruth Bader Ginsburg was asked when there will be enough women on the Supreme Court, her answer was simple: Nine. She stated: “I say when there are nine, people are shocked. But there’d been nine men, and nobody’s ever raised a question about that.” RBG did not attend the Grammy’s last night, but her spirit sure did. Women, at long last, dominated, ruled and killed the night.

Cher, in song a decade ago, declared that “this is a woman’s world,” but there was little evidence that was true, Grammy, and entertainment awards, speaking. In 2018, the Grammys were heavily criticized for lack of female representation across all categories and organizers’ response was for women to “step up.”

Be careful what you wish for boys.

The biggest star of the 2024 Grammys was the collective power of women. They made history, they claimed legacy and they danced and lip sang to each other’s work. Standing victorious was Miley Cyrus, Billie Eilish, SZA (the most nominated person of the year), Lainey Wilson, Karol G, boygenius, Kylie Minogue and Victoria Monét. Oh, yes, and powerhouse Taylor Swift, the superstar from whom Fox News cowers in fear, made history to become the first performer of any gender to win four Best Album of the Year trophies.

In the throng of these powerful women stand a number of both LGBTQ advocates and queer identifying artists. Cyrus has identified as pansexual, SZA has said lesbian rumors “ain’t wrong,” Phoebe Bridgers (winner of four trophies during the night, most of any artist) is lesbian, Monét is bi and Eilish likes women but doesn’t want to talk about it. Plus, ask any queer person about Swift or Minogue and you are likely to get a love-gush.

Women power was not just owned by the lady award winners. There were the ladies and then there were the Legends. The first Legend to appear was a surprise. Country singer Luke Combs has a cross-generational hit this year with a cover of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car.” When originally released, the song was embraced as a lesbian anthem. When performing “Fast Car,” surprise, there was Chapman herself, singing the duet with Combs. The rendition was stunning, sentimental and historic.

Chapman, like many of the night’s female dignitaries, has not been public with her sexuality. Author Alice Walker has spoken of the two of them being lovers, however.

The legend among legends of the night, however, was the one and only Joni Mitchell. Not gay herself, she embodies the concept of an LGBTQ icon, and was accompanied by the very out Brandi Carlile on stage. On her website, Mitchell’s statement to the LGBTQ community reads, “The trick is if you listen to that music and you see me, you’re not getting anything out of it. If you listen to that music and you see yourself, it will probably make you cry and you’ll learn something about yourself and now you’re getting something out of it.”

Mitchell performed her longtime classic “Both Sides Now.” The emotion, insight and delivery from the now 80-year old artist, survivor of an aneurism, was nothing short of profound. (To fully appreciate the nuance time can bring, check out the YouTube video of a Swift lookalike Mitchell singing the same song to Mama Cass and Mary Travers in 1969.) In this latest rendition, Mitchell clearly had an impact on Meryl Streep who was sitting in the audience. Talk about the arc of female talent and power.

That arc extended from a today’s lady, Cyrus, to legend Celine Dion as well. Cyrus declared Dion as one of her icons and inspirations early in the evening. Dion appeared, graceful and looking healthy, to present the final, and historic, award of the night at the end of the show.

Legends did not even need to be living to have had an effect on the night. Tributes to Tina Turner and Sinead O’Conner by Oprah, Fantasia Barrino-Taylor and Annie Lennox respectively, proved that not even death could stop these women. As Lennox has musically and famously put it, “Sisters are doing it for themselves.”

Even the content of performances by today’s legends-in-the-making spoke to feminine power. Eilish was honored for, and performed “What Was I Made For?,” a haunting and searching song that speaks to the soul of womanhood and redefinition in today’s fight for gender rights and expression, while Dua Lipa laid down the gauntlet for mind blowing performance with her rendition of “Houdini” at the top of the show, Cyrus asserted the power of her anthem “Flowers” and pretty much stole the show.

Cyrus had not performed the song on television before, and only three times publicly. She declared in her intro that she was thrilled over the business numbers the song garnered, but she refused to let them define her. As she sang the hit, she scolded the audience, “you guys act like you don’t know the words to this song.” Soon the woman power of the room was singing along with her, from Swift to Oprah.

They can buy themselves flowers from now on. They don’t need anyone else. Cyrus made that point with the mic drop to cap all mic drops, “And I just won my first Grammy!” she declared as she danced off stage.

Even the squirmiest moment of the night still did not diminish the light of women power, and in fact, underscored it. During his acceptance of the Dr. Dre Global Impact Award, Jay-Z had a bone to pick with the Grammy voters. He called out the irony that his wife Beyoncé had won more Grammys than any other human, but had never won the Best Album of the Year. Yeah, what’s with that?

But then, it brought additional context ultimately to the fact that the winner of the most Grammys individually … is a woman. And to the fact that the winner of the most Best Album of the Year awards … is a woman.

Hopefully this was the night that the Grammys “got it.” Women are the epicenter of The Creative Force.

Will the other entertainment awards get it soon as well? We can hope.

Most importantly, in a political world where women’s healthcare is under siege. Will the American voters get it?

A little known band named Little Mix put it this way in their 2019 song “A Woman’s World.”

“If you can’t see that it’s gotta change
Only want the body but not the brains
If you really think that’s the way it works
You ain’t lived in a woman’s world

Just look at how far that we’ve got
And don’t think that we’ll ever stop…”

From Grammy’s mouth to the world’s ear.

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Music & Concerts

Janet Jackson returning to D.C, Baltimore

‘Together Again Tour’ comes to Capital One Arena, CFG Bank Arena

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Janet Jackson is coming back to D.C. this summer.

Pop icon Janet Jackson announced this week an extension of her 2023 “Together Again Tour.” A new leg of the tour will bring Jackson back to the area for two shows, one at D.C.’s Capital One Arena on Friday, July 12 and another at Baltimore’s CFG Bank Arena on Saturday, July 13.  

Tickets are on sale now via TicketMaster. LiveNation announced the 2023 leg of the tour consisted of 36 shows, each of which was sold out. The 2024 leg has 35 stops planned so far; R&B star Nelly will open for Jackson on the new leg. 

Jackson made the tour announcement Tuesday on social media: “Hey u guys! By popular demand, we’re bringing the Together Again Tour back to North America this summer with special guest Nelly! It’ll be so much fun!”

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