Local
‘I’m not going to cry about this’
Friends rally for Va. couple saving for prosthesis after cancer claims woman’s leg
Zunaira Khalid (left) and her partner Ebony Bates in their basement apartment in Khalid's parents' house in Chantilly, Va. The couple says they're lucky most of the medical expenses from the June cancer surgery that claimed Khalid's leg were covered by insurance but only a small percentage will be covered for the prosthetic leg Khalid needs. (Washington Blade photo by Joey DiGuglielmo)
Zunaira Khalid benefit
Thursday at Policy
6:30 to 10 p.m.
Go here to make a donation.
Things were going pretty well for Zunaira Khalid and Ebony Bates in December. They’d had rough spots large and small throughout their nine-year relationship such as years of separation while Bates went to college in her native Pennsylvania, some occasional minor clashes that are inevitable in cross-cultural romances and all the usual pings and pangs that come and go as young people figure out what they want and don’t want from life.
But by the end of last year Khalid, a 35-year-old aspiring doctor and native Pakistani Muslim who’s been in the U.S. since age 12, and Bates, a 29-year-old Washington, Pa., native, realized their lives were beginning to jell. In October Bates landed what she calls her “dream job” with a government agency. She declines to say which because she says it’s not terribly gay friendly.
And after years of dabbling in various fields, Khalid, who’d drifted after finishing medical school questioning if she really wanted to be a doctor, decided medicine was her calling and she was in the uphill battle of getting back into the rigors of a residency program. Since 2005, the couple has lived in the basement of Khalid’s parents’ sprawling Chantilly, Va., home.
The two had been without health insurance for years. Bates was in school most of the ’00s doing undergrad and graduate work and Khalid had been unemployed for years studying to pass an exam to get back into medicine. The two had met in 2001 working together at Dulles Airport.
By December, Bates had coverage through her job. It took some arm twisting, but she convinced Khalid they needed to buy her some too, just in case. They found a decent plan for a little more than $100 per month through Aetna Health Insurance, an extraordinarily fortuitous decision on Bates’ part that saved the couple from financial ruin when Khalid got sick in February with an aggressive form of cancer that resulted in her leg having to be amputated in June.
“We were to the point where we’d been committed for several years,” Khalid says. “It’s almost impossible to have any sort of relationship recognition in Virginia, so that was never really discussed, but after D.C. passed marriage in December and then Ebony got a job she was like, ‘Look, we have a little money now, let’s get you a health plan. I didn’t think it was big deal. I don’t really get the flu or anything acute very often. I was like, ‘I’m fine, I don’t need it,’ but she was really adamant.”
To Khalid, she and Bates both burdened with considerable student loan debt, it seemed like one more expense. But she acquiesced and had an exam in December and got a clean bill of health.
The first signs of the cancer came innocuously in February. Khalid noticed her jeans felt tight around her left leg and took a bit of effort to get on. When it persisted, she had it looked at and was diagnosed with a pulled muscle. Just give it time to heal on its own, doctors told her. When it didn’t, she returned and an ultrasound found a cyst growing behind her knee. A biopsy revealed the mass was an aggressive sarcoma that was spreading fast. The situation quickly grew dire. It had grown from the size of a golf ball when an initial ultrasound was done to the size of a baseball a month later when an MRI was performed on Feb. 27.
Doctors told Khalid and Bates they were going to do everything they could to save her life and save her leg. It quickly became clear how potentially serious the diagnosis was.
“I remember when they said they were going to try to save her life first but we can’t guarantee that, that was really jarring for me,” Bates says. “Here they were talking about the possibility of death and if we were lucky she would make it through. It was just a lot of bad news at once.”
Bates, under pressure at her new job and in a probationary period where she knew she had to perform at her best, decided she needed to come out to her boss and explain the situation in case the stress started showing up in her performance. She was only able to miss a few days of work throughout Khalid’s illness, a point that irks the couple who marvel at the provisions that would be available if they were a married, opposite-sex couple.
But the couple opted to focus on the positive — most glaringly that Bates had the foresight to insist on an insurance plan for Khalid.
The first treatment step was two debilitating rounds of chemo, which destroyed Khalid’s immune system and put her in the hospital at Washington Hospital Center in D.C.’s Pleasant Plains neighborhood for weeks at a time. The chemo took such a toll — Khalid’s doctor told her he’d never seen anybody react so aversely to it — that a third round would have been too much for her body to handle. It was also unsuccessful at shrinking the mass to a degree doctors felt was acceptable.
There were essentially three problems with the growth — it had grown around a nerve meaning removing the mass would likely have resulted in Khalid having no control of her leg. Secondly it was so close to the bone, operating would be difficult and would have required, thirdly, a new route for blood supply to the leg, another iffy proposition considering the mass’s location. Amputation became the only safe option.
“I just realized very quickly that was the best decision I could make,” Khalid says. “I’d kind of prepared myself for it emotionally when they first told me it was a possibility. That first weekend, Eb had to be in Pennsylvania for work and I decided to go with her. It was the best thing. She was busy with work stuff but I just shopped, hung out at the hotel and really had time to make my peace with it.”
Bates soldiered on at work and says a strong relationship with Khalid’s parents — she says they treat her as if she, too, were their daughter — helped tremendously.
“Anytime I thought about how hard it was to juggle this with work, I just realized how much easier I had it compared to what she was going through,” Bates says.
Khalid is doing well now. She gets around on a pair of crutches cushioned with zebra-patterned covers. She was up and walking with a walker the day after her surgery. And she can still drive since she only needs to use her right leg.
The pain, though, has been excruciating at times. Muscle in her leg was essentially “wrapped” around hollow bone resulting in cookie-cutter like pressure from the bone’s edges. Khalid also experiences “phantom” pain where it feels as if her leg is still there, causing both pain and itching sensations.
“Basically the nerves have been cut but up here,” she says, pointing to her head, “it thinks everything is normal. So the nerves are freaking out and they don’t know what happened.”
She’s also stumbled several times as she attempts to get around.
The couple’s biggest challenge now is affording a massively expensive prosthetic leg for Khalid. The Aetna plan they chose has been great at kicking in thousands of dollars toward her chemo and surgery expenses but comes up far short on the cost of the prosthesis. The couple says it will cover only about $2,000 of the estimated $40,000 to $45,000 cost.
Friends are rallying. D.C. lesbian event promoter Ebone Bell has set up a website seeking contributions. Another lesbian friend, Darcy O’Callaghan, is planning an event Thursday at Policy for the couple. Donations are being accepted here.
Khalid says she’s keeping the stiff upper lip she’s maintained all along.
“I just decided up front I’m not going to cry about this,” she says. “I refuse to cry and give into this. If I have cried, it hasn’t been because of this stupid cancer, but because I’ve been touched by the things people have done for me.”
District of Columbia
Sold-out crowd turns out for 10th annual Caps Pride night
Gay Men’s Chorus soloist sings National Anthem, draws cheers
A sold-out crowd of 18,347 turned out on Jan. 17 for the 10th annual Pride Night at the Washington Capitals hockey game held at D.C.’s Capital One Arena.
Although LGBTQ Capitals fans were disappointed that the Capitals lost the game to the visiting Florida Panthers, they were treated to a night of celebration with Pride-related videos showing supportive Capitals players and fans projected on the arena’s giant video screen throughout the game.
The game began when Dana Nearing, a member of the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington, sang the National Anthem, drawing applause from all attendees.
The event also served as a fundraiser for the LGBTQ groups Wanda Alston Foundation, which provides housing services to homeless LGBTQ youth, and You Can Play, a nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing LGBTQ inclusion in sports.
“Amid the queer community’s growing love affair with hockey, I’m incredibly honored and proud to see our hometown Capitals continue to celebrate queer joy in such a visible and meaningful way,” said Alston Foundation Executive Director Cesar Toledo.
Capitals spokesperson Nick Grossman said a fundraising raffle held during the game raised $14,760 for You Can Play. He said a fundraising auction for the Alston Foundation organized by the Capitals and its related Monumental Sports and Entertainment Foundation would continue until Thursday, Jan. 22
A statement on the Capitals website says among the items being sold in the auction were autographed Capitals player hockey sticks with rainbow-colored Pride tape wrapped around them, which Capitals players used in their pre-game practice on the ice.
Although several hundred people turned out for a pre-game Pride “block party” at the District E restaurant and bar located next to the Capital One Arena, it couldn’t immediately be determined how many Pride night special tickets for the game were sold.
“While we don’t disclose specific figures related to special ticket offers, we were proud to host our 10th Pride night and celebrate the LGBTQ+ community,” Capitals spokesperson Grossman told the Washington Blade.
Virginia
Two gay candidates running in ‘firehouse’ Va. House of Delegates primary in Alexandria
Kirk McPike, Gregory Darrall hope to succeed delegate vying for Ebbin’s seat
Gay Alexandria City Council member Kirk McPike and gay public school teacher Gregory Darrall, who serves as vice president of the Fairfax County Federation of Teachers, are among four candidates running in a Jan. 20 “firehouse” Democratic primary for a seat in the Virginia House of Delegates.
With less than a week’s notice, Democratic Party officials in Alexandria called the primary to select a Democratic nominee to run in a Feb. 10 special election to fill the 5th House District seat being vacated by state Del. Elizabeth Bennett-Parker (D-Alexandria).
Bennett-Parker won the Democratic nomination for the Virginia Senate seat being vacated by gay state Sen. Adam Ebbin (D-Alexandria), who is resigning from the seat to take a position in the administration of Democratic Virginia Gov. Abigail Spanberger, who took office on Jan. 17.
Bennett-Parker won the nomination for the state Senate seat in yet another firehouse primary on Jan. 13 in which she defeated three other candidates, including gay former state Del. Mark Levine.
The Jan. 20 primary in which McPike and Darrall are competing will take place from 8:30 a.m. to 7 p.m. in two polling places in Alexandria: the Charles E. Beatley Jr. Central Library at 5005 Duke St. and the Charles Houston Recreation Center at 901 Wythe St.
The other two candidates running are former Alexandria City School Board member Eileen Cassidy Rivera and criminal law defense attorney Chris Leibig.
McPike, who first won election to the Alexandria City Council in 2021, served for 13 years as chief of staff for gay U.S. Rep. Mark Takano (D-Calif.) prior to winning election to the Alexandria City Council.
“Now, Kirk is ready to bring his experience to Richmond to keep improving the lives of all Virginians as our delegate for House District 5,” his campaign website says. His website writeup says he and his husband, Cantor Jason Kaufman, have lived in Alexandria’s Seminary Hill neighborhood for 15 years.
“As delegate, we can count on Kirk to keep delivering for us — helping Virginia maintain our commitments to our schools, our first responders, and our efforts to address climate change, housing affordability, and infrastructure,” the website statement says.
McPike, a longtime LGBTQ rights supporter and advocate, has been endorsed by Ebbin and U.S. Rep. Don Beyer (D-Va.). Beyer said in a statement that McPike “has a proven track record of delivering results for Alexandrians.” The LGBTQ+ Victory Fund, which raises money for LGBTQ candidates running for public office, has also endorsed McPike.
Darrall’s campaign website says he is a “proud progressive, lifelong educator, and labor leader running to put people first.” It says he is a political newcomer “with more than 20 years in the classroom” as a teacher who played a key role in the successful unionization of Fairfax Public Schools.
“He is a proud member and staunch supporter of the LGBTQIA+ community,” his website statement says. It says he met his husband Jose while living in Miami and the two operated a small business in South Florida for a decade before moving to Alexandria in 2015. It adds that Darrall is “fluent in Spanish, loves walking Alexandria’s neighborhoods, and is driven by a deep belief in fairness, equality, and strengthening our democracy from the ground up.”
The Alexandria Republican City Committee nominated local business executive Mason Butler as the Republican nominee for the House of Delegates seat in the Feb. 10 special election after he emerged as the only GOP candidate running for the seat, according to the Alexandria Brief publication. He will face the Democratic winner in the Jan. 20 firehouse primary.
“As Delegate for House District 5, I will be a fierce advocate for LGBT equality in the Virginia General Assembly,” Rivera stated. She praised Spanberger for signing an LGBTQ-supportive executive order on her first day in office.
Rivera added, “I will fight alongside her to restore and enforce the Virginia Values Act, advance marriage equality, and ensure robust nondiscrimination protections in housing, employment, healthcare, and public accommodations.”
In his own statement, Leibig said, “I am as strong a supporter for LGBTQ rights as you can get.” Noting his role as a defense attorney specializing in criminal law, he added, “I regularly get calls from outside the commonwealth about defending trans people in situations where they are being treated terribly.”
He noted he was among the attorneys working on the first lawsuit against the Bureau of Prisons in support of “gender reaffirming surgery for an inmate.” He said he represented transgender former U.S. Army soldier Chelsea Manning in 2019 and was among those advocating for improved conditions for trans people in prisons.
“People of this community can count on me to support this community,” he said in referring to the LGBTQ community.
The Washington Blade couldn’t immediately reach GOP candidate Butler, who is running in the Feb. 10 special election but not in the Jan. 20 firehouse primary.
Abigail Spanberger was sworn in as the 75th governor of Virginia at a ceremony on the grounds of the Virginia State Capitol on Saturday. Thousands of spectators watched the swearing-in ceremony and parade, despite the rain and temperatures in the low 40s.
Spanberger, a member of the Democratic Party and an LGBTQ ally, became the first woman to be Virginia’s governor.
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Newly-elected Attorney General Jay Jones, Lt. Gov. Ghazala Hashmi, and Spanberger were each administered the oath of office in the public ceremony.
Republican former Gov. Glenn Youngkin left the ceremony shortly after the oath of office was administered to Spanberger and before the inaugural address.
In her speech, the new governor made an appeal to bipartisanship and looking past division in our current moment.
“To my friends in the General Assembly — on both sides of the aisle — I look forward to working with you,” said Spanberger. “I know what it means to represent your constituents, to work hard for your district, and to pursue policies you believe in. We will not agree on everything, but I speak from personal experience when I say that we do not have to see eye-to-eye on every issue in order to stand shoulder-to-shoulder on others.”
Spanberger acknowledged Virginians’ frustrations with federal layoffs and governmental policy.
“I know many of you are worried about the recklessness coming out of Washington. You are worried about policies that are hurting our communities — cutting healthcare access, imperiling rural hospitals, and driving up costs,” said Spanberger. “You are worried about Washington policies that are closing off markets, hurting innovation and private industry, and attacking those who have devoted their lives to public service.”
Spanberger alluded to the Trump administration, though never mentioned President Donald Trump’s name in her remarks.
Spanberger said, “you are worried about an administration that is gilding buildings while schools crumble, breaking the social safety net, and sowing fear across our communities, betraying the values of who we are as Americans, the very values we celebrate here on these steps.”
The new governor then spoke of her priorities in office, pledging to tackle housing affordability by working to “cut red tape” and increase housing supply. Spanberger also spoke of forestalling an impending healthcare crisis by protecting access and cracking down on “middlemen who are driving up drug prices.”
Spanberger spoke of investments in education at every level, standing up for workers (including the large number of federal workers in Virginia), and taking action on gun violence.
Virginia married couple Mary Townley and Carol Schall witnessed the inauguration ceremony from the stands set up on the grounds of the Capitol. Schall and Townley are one of the plaintiff couples in the case that challenged the Virginia constitutional ban on same-sex marriage.
Same-sex marriage became legal in Virginia in 2014.
“We are delighted with the inauguration of Abigail Spanberger as governor of Virginia,” Schall told the Washington Blade. “The celebration of her inauguration was full of the beautiful diversity that is Virginia. The Virginia Pride contingent was included as a part of what makes Virginia a great place to live.”
“Such an honor to attend such a wonderful event in Virginia history,” Townley told the Blade. “The weather before the Inauguration was cold and rainy, but I believe it represented the end of a dreary time and it ushered in the dry and sunny weather by the end of the inaugural parade. Madam Governor brought us to the light!”
The inaugural parade following the governor’s remarks included a contingent from Diversity Richmond and Virginia Pride. Marchers in the LGBTQ contingent carried a giant Progress Pride flag and were met with loud cheers from the gathered spectators.
Spanberger after her inauguration signed 10 executive orders. One of them bans discrimination against state employees based on sexual orientation, gender identity, and other factors.
“By virtue of the authority vested in me as Governor under Article V of the Constitution of
Virginia, I hereby declare that it is the firm and unwavering policy of the Commonwealth of Virginia to ensure equal opportunity in all facets of state government,” reads the executive order. “The foundational tenet of this executive order is premised upon a steadfast commitment to foster a culture of inclusion, diversity, and mutual respect for all Virginians.”
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