Living

Queery: Joe Izzo

The Whitman-Walker psychotherapist and AIDS Walk veteran answers 20 gay questions

Published

16 years ago

September 30, 2010

Whitman-Walker's Joe Izzo with his collection of AIDS Walk T-shirts. Izzo has never missed an AIDS Walk in the event's entire 24 years. (Blade photo by Michael Key)

AIDS Walk Washington — slated for Saturday — has gone through several ups and downs over its 24-year history. Joe Izzo, a psychotherapist at Whitman-Walker Clinic, the organization the AIDS Walk benefits, has been there all along.

Izzo started at the Clinic in 1986, also the first year of the Walk. He remembers a group of about 600 that first year walking on the National Mall. It grew considerably over the years and boomed throughout the 1990s with about 35,000 walkers and runners at its peak.

But 9-11 took a devastating toll on the annual event, which the Clinic relies heavily upon for a significant chunk of its annual funding. Scheduled for less than a month after the 2001 terrorist attacks, only about 2,500 showed up that year.

“It’s planned a year in advance and obviously we had no idea what was going to happen that day in September,” Izzo says. “People were just terrified to go out and be in a public place that soon after, especially on the Mall of all places. So it’s been building up ever since then, but we’ve never reached the numbers we had in the ’90s.”

Izzo is setting his own records, though. Last year he broke the $2,000 threshold for the first time with his individual sponsorship. As of this week, he’s up to $1,600 for this year. He says securing sponsors has gotten much easier in the electronic age.

“I’ve raised a hell of a lot more since the days when I had to go around with paper pledge sheets and collect it all by hand,” he says.

Izzo, a 62-year-old Brooklyn native, has been in the D.C. area since 1965 and in the city itself since 1977. He conducts individual and group psychotherapy sessions at the Clinic and specializes in transgender and substance abuse issues. Most of his clients are HIV positive. He says things have improved at the Clinic this year, a welcomed change over the tumult of the two previous years which found it faced with layoffs.

“2007 and 2008 were just nightmares,” he says. “It was a pretty awful place to have to work but it has stabilized considerably.”

Izzo lives with his partner, Tom, whom he met at the Eagle in December, 1992, in Washington’s Brookland neighborhood. He enjoys reading, walking and gardening in his spare time.

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I came out in June of 1979 at the age of 31, here in D.C. I was still a member of a Roman Catholic-teaching Brotherhood and a campus minister at the Catholic University of America at the time. This was the beginning of the end for me with the Catholic Church as I started a support group for the gay and lesbian students, faculty and staff at Catholic. This, along with my advocacy of ordination for women in Roman Catholicism “cooked my goose” with the Vatican and by the end of 1982 I was forced out of the Order and the Church. Since both of my parents were very devote Italian/German Catholics, coming out to them was particularly difficult. They eventually became very accepting and supportive and my mother wrote a letter to Pope John Paul II in 1986 to tell him and Cardinal Ratzinger (now Pope Benedict XVI) that they were wrong in what they were teaching about gay people.

Who’s your gay hero?

I have many gay heroes, but since I’m a very political person, the one who stands out above all is Harvey Milk.

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?

I used to enjoy going to Tracks Dance Club and welcomed many a New Year at their New Year’s Eve Parties.

What’s your dream gay wedding?

I love the simplicity and directness of marriage under the care of my Quaker Meeting. No fanfare, no clergy officiating — just a simple gathering of friends in silent worship, witnessing two people’s commitment of love to each other. Friends Meeting of Washington has been joining all couples, regardless of gender, since 1992. We just celebrated our first “legal” Gay marriage on Sept. 18th. It was a real sense of victory and triumph.

What non-gay issue are you most passionate about?

I have always been a dedicated environmentalist and am currently in the process of “greening” my home with sustainable materials and solar panels to generate my own electricity.

What historical outcome would you change?

The failure of the U.S. Congress to pass the Employment Non-discrimination Act (ENDA) and their pathetic support of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).

What do you believe in beyond the physical world?

I’m a non-theist but I’m in awe of the ultimate, incomprehensible mystery of the universe and the energy that sustains and expands it.

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

I attended a fund raising concert for an Appalachian Children’s Hospital with George Harrison and Ravi Shankar in the 1970s. I was sitting in the nose bleed section of the old Capital Center. I got high just from breathing the air, which was blue/brown from pot smoke.

On what do you insist?

A non-violent approach to resolving human conflicts. My non-gay heroes have been Mohandas Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Cesar Chavez, Bishop Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

As a person who has become an introvert in middle and later life, I deplore social networking technology and have never used anything except e-mail and telephone. I like my privacy!

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“The Grapes of Wrath.” I’ve always believed in using anger for social change and the uplift of the dispossessed and marginalized.

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

I would actively protest tampering with something that wasn’t broken in the first place. I believe in allowing nature/evolution to take its own course without unnecessary human meddling.

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Stop putting so much emphasis on repealing DADT. With all the homophobes in the military services, self-identifying lesbians and gay men will be the first victims of friendly fire. As a pacifist, I oppose all forms of murder, even those sanctioned by governments. I don’t want any men, women or children killed in war.

What would you walk across hot coals for?

Peace between Israel and the Palestinians and all other warring factions throughout the world.

What gay stereotype annoys you most?

The mistaken belief promoted by the Religious Right that LGBT people are pedophiles.

What’s your favorite gay movie?

Matches my Gay Hero — “MILK.”

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Arriving “fashionably” late for a party. That’s just damn rude!

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

All the jackets, baseball caps, back packs, T-shirts and scarves that I’ve earned over the last 24 years for my fund raising efforts for AIDSWalk Washington.

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

That I was a gay man and that it was pointless and demeaning to remain in the closet for another 13 years.

Why Washington?

I don’t have to travel far from my home in Northeast D.C. to attend all the rallies, protests and demonstrations for peace, justice and human rights.

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Now Available in Tysons: Kokua at The Mather

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6 days ago

May 28, 2026

Autos

A magical Mercedes

S-Class continues to define what luxury really means

Published

2 weeks ago

May 23, 2026

Joe Phillips

Mercedes S-Class

At my stage of life — “somewhere between 40 and death,” as the iconic line goes in the musical “Mame” — I want some pampering. A lot of pampering.

Luckily, for anyone who constantly craves a soothing spa, steam room or sauna, there’s the completely updated Mercedes S-Class. This flagship sedan is now so full of glitz, glamour, and gee-whiz gadgetry, it gives new meaning to the term “auto erotica.”

Does this make the S-Class a “gay” ride? For me, any vehicle that pushes my buttons like this one is a Kinsey 6.

MERCEDES S-CLASS

$122,000 (est.)

MPG: 21 city/31 highway

0 to 60 mph: 4.3 seconds

Trunk space: 19 cu. ft.

PROS: Exceptional comfort. Ultra-quiet cabin. Cutting-edge safety.

CONS: Price climbs fast. Tech learning curve. Sportier competitors.

The S-Class continues to define what luxury really means, with a bolder silhouette, larger grille, and striking, next-gen LED headlights. There’s also an optional illuminated Mercedes star on the hood. Overall, nearly 2,700 parts are new or improved, so more than 50 percent of this vehicle has been updated. An extreme makeover, to be sure.

At the same time, this latest S-Class leans harder into intelligence and electrification than ever before. Under the hood, a range of turbocharged inline-six and V8 engines — paired with mild-hybrid systems — deliver power in a way that seems almost edited for smoothness. Braking is solid and strong, too, but never abrupt. All the engineering is fine-tuned and intentional.

Yes, the top-of-the line S580 version is more expensive, almost $140,000. But it’s also blisteringly fast, zipping from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.9 seconds. That’s as lickety-split swift as a Lamborghini Revuelto supercar, which has a starting MSRP of $610,000 and can easily exceed — yowza! — $800,000.

Colors? There are 150 to choose from for the exterior and 400 for the interior. You can even customize the illuminated door sills, interior stitching and wheel accents.

And the ride quality? Sublime. Adaptive air suspension reads the road constantly, leveling out imperfections before they even register. Rear-axle steering enhances maneuverability, making this full-sized sedan feel surprisingly nimble in tight spaces. On the highway, the S-Class simply glides like a private yacht on the calmest of seas — extremely quiet, composed and completely unbothered.

Whenever you slide inside, the cabin immediately sets the tone. A massive OLED digital display — the same high-def technology used for cinematic viewing and gaming monitors — anchors the dashboard, running the latest MBUX infotainment interface. Highly customizable, this software allows for advanced voice commands that feel natural, not forced. And an augmented-reality navigation system takes your route and overlays it onto live camera feeds. It’s intuitive — mostly, as there is a learning curve for all this cutting-edge gear. Overall, though, such amenities make older setups feel like dial-up internet.

A Burmester surround-sound stereo is available in 3D or 4D, with up to 31 speakers, 1,690 watts and tactile transducers in the seats that vibrate and pulse with the music. Those seats are, of course, extremely comfortable. And the seatbelts? These are now heated.

Let’s not forget the latest cabin air-filtration system, which can remove ultra-fine particles to deliver air quality that rivals medical environments. Clean air, yes, but even this seems like a special treat. It’s like being swaddled in couture, not ready-to-wear.

And lastly, there’s the rear-seat area, which — to be honest — is where the S-Class really shines. Executive packages offer multi-contour reclining seats with rapid heating and ventilating, heated armrests and massage functions. You can opt for a footrest, which ups the glam factor to give you a calf massage. Dual 13.1-inch display screens come with their own remote controls. There’s also a video-conferencing feature, to help transform the rear cabin into a fully connected mobile office. For me, it feels less “back seat” and more “private lounge.”

Even in fiction, high-tech luxury carries weight. Tony Stark helped cement the idea that state-of-the art vehicles can be aspirational, not just practical. The magical S-Class fits right into that narrative — minus the flying suit (for now).

Advice

I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life

How can I turn things around before it’s too late?

Published

2 weeks ago

May 22, 2026

Michael Radkowsky

I’m officially old, maybe even nearing the finish line and I’m getting bitter.

Dear Michael,

I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life.

I’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months. I can’t say why. I don’t think I’m defective. I wasn’t unattractive when I was younger (still not bad looking), I think I’m an interesting person to spend time with, but everything always seemed to fizzle out.

Thankfully, I missed AIDS because I came out after people knew what to do. Sometimes I wonder if fear of contracting the virus metastasized into a fear of getting close. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve consciously kept people away. Consciously I have wanted someone to share my life with, very much.

With my 65th birthday and official senior citizen status approaching, I’ve been taking stock of my life and am coming to the hard realization that I’m never going to find that elusive partner.

I don’t go out anymore because people look right through me, except the ones who have a fetish for older guys. No one’s actually interested in me as me, a unique person rather than what they see on the surface.

I’m tired of my coupled friends. They’re always talking about “we.” Yes, I have become resentful that they have what I want and will never get. I know that’s not admirable but it’s how I feel, secretly, and I am sick of feeling like this when I am around them. So why be around them?

And I’m tired of my friends who are focused on sex all the time. It just all feels like a waste of time. I don’t get anything from a hookup anymore, they’ve been feeling increasingly meaningless. I feel like I’m someone’s momentary opportunity to get off, rather than any kind of real connection.

I’m just sick of the whole chase I’ve been doing for the last 40+ years.

I’m realizing that the whole thing has been pointless, a quest for a partner who is never going to materialize and a lot of diversions along the way that have added up to a despairing feeling that I’ve wasted my life trying to get something that will never happen.

Gay life hasn’t been so gay for me. And I’m officially old, maybe even nearing the finish line. Yes, if you haven’t noticed, I’m getting bitter.

What do I do with this dead end?

Michael replies:

How about looking for a different road to go down?

I’m not going to challenge your belief that you aren’t going to find a partner. I think it’s possible that you could, because there are other guys out there, in your age range, who are looking. But you have no guarantee, especially if you have decided to take it off the table.

So what else can you do with your life? How can you make your remaining time on this earth well-lived?

From your letter, it’s clear what you don’t want to do: Look for a boyfriend, hook up, or spend time with your current friends. Surely there must be more possibilities for your life than those options.

So my advice is to figure out some things you care about and start doing them. Travel? Volunteering? Getting a companion animal? Taking classes? Finding a new career? Those are just a few of the ideas I can come up with, but I don’t know you. What ideas can you generate, that you suspect you’d like to pursue?

In other words, start putting one foot in front of the other and go in some new directions that intrigue you enough to explore.

Sitting around feeling miserable does not help you to get anywhere. It keeps you feeling miserable. Sitting around waiting to feel better does not lead you to feel better. What would help you get to a better place would be to start taking action on your own behalf. Always keep in mind that while you are alive, with your faculties intact, you do have the choice to take this step, over and over and over again.

If you give yourself something (or some things) worthwhile to put your focus on, and do your best to shift your focus there whenever you notice that you are lamenting, I’m hopeful you will create a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

I’m also hopeful that if you are spending time doing things that you actually enjoy and that enrich your life, you may find more satisfying companionship than you are experiencing with your current friend group. (And yes, this could include a romantic relationship if you decide to be open to this possibility.)

A brief reply in an advice column can point you in the right direction, but it is likely not enough to sustain and motivate you through a major life overhaul.

Therefore, I suggest that you find a therapist to help you figure out how to move forward and what to move toward; and also to grieve, and put to rest as best you can, the loss of the life you hoped you would have.

I know that transcending the loss of a huge lifelong dream may seem impossible. But working toward this, as best you are able, would help you.

Relatedly, one more thing that I hope you can address with a therapist is your bitterness. I do understand why you feel so bitter, and I also think that it is torquing your life in a downhill direction.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].