Living
Queery: Joe Izzo
The Whitman-Walker psychotherapist and AIDS Walk veteran answers 20 gay questions
Whitman-Walker's Joe Izzo with his collection of AIDS Walk T-shirts. Izzo has never missed an AIDS Walk in the event's entire 24 years. (Blade photo by Michael Key)
AIDS Walk Washington — slated for Saturday — has gone through several ups and downs over its 24-year history. Joe Izzo, a psychotherapist at Whitman-Walker Clinic, the organization the AIDS Walk benefits, has been there all along.
Izzo started at the Clinic in 1986, also the first year of the Walk. He remembers a group of about 600 that first year walking on the National Mall. It grew considerably over the years and boomed throughout the 1990s with about 35,000 walkers and runners at its peak.
But 9-11 took a devastating toll on the annual event, which the Clinic relies heavily upon for a significant chunk of its annual funding. Scheduled for less than a month after the 2001 terrorist attacks, only about 2,500 showed up that year.
“It’s planned a year in advance and obviously we had no idea what was going to happen that day in September,” Izzo says. “People were just terrified to go out and be in a public place that soon after, especially on the Mall of all places. So it’s been building up ever since then, but we’ve never reached the numbers we had in the ’90s.”
Izzo is setting his own records, though. Last year he broke the $2,000 threshold for the first time with his individual sponsorship. As of this week, he’s up to $1,600 for this year. He says securing sponsors has gotten much easier in the electronic age.
“I’ve raised a hell of a lot more since the days when I had to go around with paper pledge sheets and collect it all by hand,” he says.
Izzo, a 62-year-old Brooklyn native, has been in the D.C. area since 1965 and in the city itself since 1977. He conducts individual and group psychotherapy sessions at the Clinic and specializes in transgender and substance abuse issues. Most of his clients are HIV positive. He says things have improved at the Clinic this year, a welcomed change over the tumult of the two previous years which found it faced with layoffs.
“2007 and 2008 were just nightmares,” he says. “It was a pretty awful place to have to work but it has stabilized considerably.”
Izzo lives with his partner, Tom, whom he met at the Eagle in December, 1992, in Washington’s Brookland neighborhood. He enjoys reading, walking and gardening in his spare time.
How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
I came out in June of 1979 at the age of 31, here in D.C. I was still a member of a Roman Catholic-teaching Brotherhood and a campus minister at the Catholic University of America at the time. This was the beginning of the end for me with the Catholic Church as I started a support group for the gay and lesbian students, faculty and staff at Catholic. This, along with my advocacy of ordination for women in Roman Catholicism “cooked my goose” with the Vatican and by the end of 1982 I was forced out of the Order and the Church. Since both of my parents were very devote Italian/German Catholics, coming out to them was particularly difficult. They eventually became very accepting and supportive and my mother wrote a letter to Pope John Paul II in 1986 to tell him and Cardinal Ratzinger (now Pope Benedict XVI) that they were wrong in what they were teaching about gay people.
Who’s your gay hero?
I have many gay heroes, but since I’m a very political person, the one who stands out above all is Harvey Milk.
What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?
I used to enjoy going to Tracks Dance Club and welcomed many a New Year at their New Year’s Eve Parties.
What’s your dream gay wedding?
I love the simplicity and directness of marriage under the care of my Quaker Meeting. No fanfare, no clergy officiating — just a simple gathering of friends in silent worship, witnessing two people’s commitment of love to each other. Friends Meeting of Washington has been joining all couples, regardless of gender, since 1992. We just celebrated our first “legal” Gay marriage on Sept. 18th. It was a real sense of victory and triumph.
What non-gay issue are you most passionate about?
I have always been a dedicated environmentalist and am currently in the process of “greening” my home with sustainable materials and solar panels to generate my own electricity.
What historical outcome would you change?
The failure of the U.S. Congress to pass the Employment Non-discrimination Act (ENDA) and their pathetic support of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).
What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
I’m a non-theist but I’m in awe of the ultimate, incomprehensible mystery of the universe and the energy that sustains and expands it.
What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
I attended a fund raising concert for an Appalachian Children’s Hospital with George Harrison and Ravi Shankar in the 1970s. I was sitting in the nose bleed section of the old Capital Center. I got high just from breathing the air, which was blue/brown from pot smoke.
On what do you insist?
A non-violent approach to resolving human conflicts. My non-gay heroes have been Mohandas Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Cesar Chavez, Bishop Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela.
What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?
As a person who has become an introvert in middle and later life, I deplore social networking technology and have never used anything except e-mail and telephone. I like my privacy!
If your life were a book, what would the title be?
“The Grapes of Wrath.” I’ve always believed in using anger for social change and the uplift of the dispossessed and marginalized.
If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
I would actively protest tampering with something that wasn’t broken in the first place. I believe in allowing nature/evolution to take its own course without unnecessary human meddling.
What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?
Stop putting so much emphasis on repealing DADT. With all the homophobes in the military services, self-identifying lesbians and gay men will be the first victims of friendly fire. As a pacifist, I oppose all forms of murder, even those sanctioned by governments. I don’t want any men, women or children killed in war.
What would you walk across hot coals for?
Peace between Israel and the Palestinians and all other warring factions throughout the world.
What gay stereotype annoys you most?
The mistaken belief promoted by the Religious Right that LGBT people are pedophiles.
What’s your favorite gay movie?
Matches my Gay Hero — “MILK.”
What’s the most overrated social custom?
Arriving “fashionably” late for a party. That’s just damn rude!
What trophy or prize do you most covet?
All the jackets, baseball caps, back packs, T-shirts and scarves that I’ve earned over the last 24 years for my fund raising efforts for AIDSWalk Washington.
What do you wish you’d known at 18?
That I was a gay man and that it was pointless and demeaning to remain in the closet for another 13 years.
Why Washington?
I don’t have to travel far from my home in Northeast D.C. to attend all the rallies, protests and demonstrations for peace, justice and human rights.
Hi Michael,
When is it worth stopping being friends with someone, or more than one person?
Lately I feel like my friends aren’t being very nice to me. In fact it reminds me of high school, and junior high school, when I was being bullied.
I’m not the most attractive in the group, I know that. They are always ribbing me about not working out enough or that I should get a hair transplant (I am balding) or making fun of the way I dress. I am not that stylish, I just don’t have a good sense for clothes. I thought about asking for some advice but I worry that would just lead to more mocking.
That I am not having as much sex as they are—it’s actually my preference, but of course I get comments about not being able to get someone to hook up with because of my appearance, clothes, low-key personality etc.
As I’m writing this I could go on and on. I think I’ve just tried laughing with them or ignoring it, but it does really get to me.
There’s a standard in this town that I know I don’t fit. Great body, handsome face, overall hot, witty and sarcastic sense of humor, make a lot of money in some impressive job. I am sure you know the type I am describing.
Some of the things I can’t help (appearance), some I don’t really want to fix (hooking up a lot). My brother died of an overdose so I don’t use drugs or alcohol, which, no surprise, evokes more judgment.
My job is my job, I like it a lot and it is meaningful to me but I’m never going to be rich.
The problem with that is, all my friends like to take a lot of expensive vacations. I can go on some but not on all. When we go I am watching my expenses, which provokes more judgment and jokes, always delivered as if they are “kidding” but it hurts.
I started off by saying I feel like I’m back to being a bullied kid. You know, laugh it off so that they don’t see you crying. But it doesn’t feel like I am respecting myself when I do that.
If I speak up and ask them to stop, I just get more jokes. I am NOT taken seriously.
The idea of walking away is scary, though. Who else would I have to spend my weekends with? I am afraid of being lonely.
I could write more but I think I’m conveying why I am feeling pretty hopeless about these friendships.
Michael replies:
I think it’s a bad idea to spend time with people who are mean or abusive toward you.
But before you walk away from your friend group, do you think it’s worth talking to them, individually, or as a group? In a serious way, without joking, laughing, or minimizing your pain so as not to make them uncomfortable.
Their behavior sounds very junior high school, but they are adults. Telling them how their behavior affects you might lead them to confront themselves, but it might not.
You didn’t write anything about what you actually like about these friends. Is it just that they allow you to spend time with them? Or do they have some good qualities? Getting clear about this would help you figure out if you want to push for change here.
I know what you mean about “the standard” in D.C. (and very likely in other locations). I hear from clients over and over about the hierarchy of attractiveness and success. When people don’t feel they measure up, it is easy to feel less-than, and invisible.
There are lots of reasons why gay men can be mean to other gay men. (Of course, everyone can be mean, and for all sorts of reasons). One biggie: it’s nice to feel like part of the in-crowd, after growing up feeling like an outcast. But this means establishing a pecking order so that there are others to look down on and exclude. It’s understandable, all too common, and unkind.
It’s also true that the heterosexual world tends to value beauty in women and financial success in men. Gay men hit themselves with a double whammy, glorifying both.
Still, you’re not going to single-handedly change the problematic aspects of gay culture. You may be able to influence some of your friends, however. That remains to be seen, and would take some courage on your part if you want to tackle that.
It does sound like it’s time for you to make some new friends. This may seem even more scary than speaking up to the friends you have, but it also might give you a sense that you are taking control of your life.
True, in D.C. (and elsewhere), there are a lot of gay men focused on the attributes you say you lack. But “the scene” is not the only game in town. There also have to be a good number of guys out there who are looking for other qualities that you may possess, and that you may also admire in others. These are the people for you to find and befriend.
I can’t tell you exactly how to go about that. You’re going to have to be creative and try some new things. Activity groups, hobbies that involve other people, sports. You never know whom you might meet, where. Don’t forget that you might enjoy meeting and hanging out with people who aren’t gay, as well.
You didn’t mention anything about looking for love in your life. Maybe that’s not your interest; maybe you don’t feel like adequate partner material (if so, I hope you will work to challenge that belief); or maybe you’re doing just fine in that area. I don’t know. But if you would like to find a good guy, I hope that widening your field will help.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Real Estate
With gas prices soaring again, a staycation is a good plan
Home can be your personal retreat and your own private resort
When airfare costs more than your monthly utility bill and a weekend road trip requires a second mortgage just to fill the gas tank, many homeowners are discovering an unexpected luxury: the staycation.
A staycation isn’t settling for less—it’s reaping the benefits of one of the biggest investments you can make: your home. Much more than a place to sleep, it’s your personal retreat, your gathering place and, with a little preparation, your very own private resort.
Whether you own a single-family home, a townhouse, or a condo, creating a memorable staycation starts with appreciating what made you fall in love with your property in the first place.
Start with a home refresh. Think about checking into a beautiful vacation rental. It’s spotless, organized, and inviting. You can recreate that same feeling by spending a day preparing your home before your staycation officially begins.
Clear away clutter, deep clean the bathrooms and kitchen, wash the windows, and put fresh linens on every bed – even if you’re not expecting guests. Fluff the pillows, light a favorite candle, and place fresh flowers on the table. These small touches instantly make your home feel more luxurious.
If your budget allows, hiring a professional cleaning service can be one of the best staycation perquisites you make. After all, vacation should begin the moment you wake up and not after you’ve spent the day scrubbing floors.
Treat your staycation like a real trip. Set away messages on your phone and out of office notices on your email. Skip unnecessary chores for a few days. Giving yourself permission to relax may be the most valuable part of the entire experience.
One of the greatest advantages homeowners have over travelers is private outdoor living space. Whether it’s a spacious backyard, a screened porch, a rooftop terrace, or a cozy condo balcony, these areas can become the centerpiece of your staycation.
Stringing lights and adding comfortable seating, colorful planters, and outdoor rugs can completely transform the atmosphere without spending thousands of dollars. Add a portable fire pit, a tabletop fountain, or a hammock, and suddenly your backyard starts competing with many resorts.
Host an evening cookout, organize a game night, invite neighbors over for dessert, or gather around the fire pit for conversation after sunset. These simple moments often become the memories we treasure most.
Inside, transform your family room into a home theater complete with popcorn and comfortable blankets. Turn your breakfast room into a morning coffee café. Designate a quiet reading corner where phones are prohibited. Create a spa-like bathroom with plush towels, candles, bath salts, and relaxing music.
One of the highlights of traveling is experiencing new food. Instead of dining out every night, create themed dinners inspired by your favorite destinations. Prepare homemade Italian pasta one evening, Caribbean grilled seafood another, or a backyard Texas barbecue over the weekend. For a touch of whimsy, dress the part.
Pair each meal with music and libations from the region and enjoy dinner outdoors whenever possible. Suddenly, your dining room becomes part of the vacation experience instead of just another place to eat.
Families with children can turn a staycation into an adventure by seeing their home through a child’s eyes. Set up a backyard camping experience with a tent, flashlights, and s’mores around the fire pit. Transform the living room into an indoor campground complete with sleeping bags and a movie under a blanket “fort.” Organize a backyard Olympics with relay races, water balloon tosses, scavenger hunts, or miniature golf using household items.
Encourage children to plan a family picnic in the backyard or on the patio, choose a theme for a movie marathon, or help prepare meals inspired by countries they’d like to visit someday. The goal is to create experiences your children will remember long after summer is over.
Enjoy the amenities you already pay for. Condominium communities and many planned neighborhoods offer amenities that residents often overlook.
Swimming pools, fitness centers, tennis and pickleball courts, walking trails, clubhouses, grilling stations, and community gardens are designed to enhance your lifestyle. During your staycation, make a point of exploring everything your community offers. You may discover you’ve been living beside your own private resort all along.
Real estate professionals often talk about resale value, appreciation, and return on investment. While those things certainly matter, there’s another return that’s harder to measure: the enjoyment you get from living in your home every day.
You don’t need a boarding pass to recharge. You don’t need a hotel reservation to make memories. Sometimes the perfect getaway is the one you already own.
Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her at [email protected] or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.
The latest Honda Civic hatchback and Subaru Impreza are two of the segment’s stars. Both offer sensible pricing, excellent utility and enough personality to avoid feeling like appliances.
The Civic is more polished. The Impreza, more rugged. Luckily, neither is trying to be obnoxiously flashy.
HONDA CIVIC
$28,000
MPG: 30 city/38 highway
0 to 60 mph: 8.9 seconds
Cargo space: 24.5 cu. ft.
PROS: Fuel efficient. Spacious cargo area. Good resale value.
CONS: No all-wheel drive. Fussy infotainment. Low rear headroom.
WHAT’S NEW: Only minor updates for 2026. The biggest change carries over from last year’s refresh: the addition of the hybrid, which has become a star performer.
The Honda Civic hatchback won’t scream for attention. It won’t arrive wearing sequins and carrying a smoke machine. It’s more like Nomi Marks from “Sense8”: intelligent, sophisticated and impressively capable.
The styling remains handsome and clean. Long hood. Low roofline. Crisp lines everywhere.Honda resisted the urge to make this vehicle look like a spaceship or an angry robot. That’s refreshing.
Inside, the dashboard is simple and elegant. The honeycomb air-vent treatment remains one of the coolest interior details in the segment. Materials feel expensive. Controls are easy to understand. And visibility is excellent.
I love how the cargo space is generous, with rear seats that fold flat. A bicycle, several suitcases or enough supplies for an ambitious weekend road trip fit without much hassle.
Then there’s the hybrid. The system produces a healthy amount of power while delivering fuel economy that borders on the absurd. Around town, handling feels smooth, quiet and surprisingly quick. You almost glide through traffic. The standard gasoline engine isn’t bad, but the hybrid is stellar.
The Civic also shines on twisty roads. Steering is precise. Body motions stay controlled. The suspension strikes a sweet balance between comfort and sportiness.
Biggest weakness? No all-wheel drive. For drivers in snowy climates, that’s not so good.
Still, the Civic’s stellar combination of efficiency, quality, and driving enjoyment remains incredibly hard to beat.
SUBARU IMPREZA
$27,000
MPG: 27 city/33 highway
0 to 60 mph: 8.5 seconds
Cargo space: 20.4 cubic feet
PROS: All-wheel drive. User-friendly tech. Safety cred.
CONS: No hybrid version. Some road noise. Modest cargo room.
WHAT’S NEW: The Impreza receives relatively minor updates for 2026. Subaru continues refining this hatchback rather than reinventing it.
If the Honda Civic is urbane, the Subaru Impreza is unfussy. There’s a kind of Kristen Stewart energy here. Cool without trying too hard.
The styling isn’t dramatic, but it works. This hauler appears ready to tackle rain, snow, dirt roads or an impromptu weekend escape.
And all-wheel drive comes standard on every Impreza. (Most competitors only offer front-wheel drive or include all-wheel drive as a pricey option.)
The result: Slippery roads simply don’t create much anxiety. The suspension absorbs bumps nicely. Long trips are comfortable. Visibility is great, thanks to relatively thin roof pillars and large windows.
I like how the cabin is functional rather than fancy. Materials don’t quite match the Civic’s upscale vibe, but everything feels sturdy. A large infotainment screen dominates the dashboard and generally works well, though some drivers may prefer more physical buttons.
Cargo space is respectable, and the design makes loading bulky items easy.
Performance depends heavily on trim. The base engine gets the job done, but nobody will confuse it for a sports car. The RS trim’s larger engine provides more power and makes the ride livelier. But even then, acceleration remains merely adequate.
The Impreza’s real appeal lies elsewhere, with a mix that few rivals can match: hatchback practicality, standard all-wheel drive, strong safety scores and reasonable pricing.
Perhaps that’s the key difference between these two hatchbacks. The Honda Civic impresses immediately. The Subaru Impreza grows on you.
Fortunately, choosing between them is less stressful than deciding who gets the last mimosa at brunch.
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