Living
Queery: Joe Izzo
The Whitman-Walker psychotherapist and AIDS Walk veteran answers 20 gay questions
Whitman-Walker's Joe Izzo with his collection of AIDS Walk T-shirts. Izzo has never missed an AIDS Walk in the event's entire 24 years. (Blade photo by Michael Key)
AIDS Walk Washington — slated for Saturday — has gone through several ups and downs over its 24-year history. Joe Izzo, a psychotherapist at Whitman-Walker Clinic, the organization the AIDS Walk benefits, has been there all along.
Izzo started at the Clinic in 1986, also the first year of the Walk. He remembers a group of about 600 that first year walking on the National Mall. It grew considerably over the years and boomed throughout the 1990s with about 35,000 walkers and runners at its peak.
But 9-11 took a devastating toll on the annual event, which the Clinic relies heavily upon for a significant chunk of its annual funding. Scheduled for less than a month after the 2001 terrorist attacks, only about 2,500 showed up that year.
“It’s planned a year in advance and obviously we had no idea what was going to happen that day in September,” Izzo says. “People were just terrified to go out and be in a public place that soon after, especially on the Mall of all places. So it’s been building up ever since then, but we’ve never reached the numbers we had in the ’90s.”
Izzo is setting his own records, though. Last year he broke the $2,000 threshold for the first time with his individual sponsorship. As of this week, he’s up to $1,600 for this year. He says securing sponsors has gotten much easier in the electronic age.
“I’ve raised a hell of a lot more since the days when I had to go around with paper pledge sheets and collect it all by hand,” he says.
Izzo, a 62-year-old Brooklyn native, has been in the D.C. area since 1965 and in the city itself since 1977. He conducts individual and group psychotherapy sessions at the Clinic and specializes in transgender and substance abuse issues. Most of his clients are HIV positive. He says things have improved at the Clinic this year, a welcomed change over the tumult of the two previous years which found it faced with layoffs.
“2007 and 2008 were just nightmares,” he says. “It was a pretty awful place to have to work but it has stabilized considerably.”
Izzo lives with his partner, Tom, whom he met at the Eagle in December, 1992, in Washington’s Brookland neighborhood. He enjoys reading, walking and gardening in his spare time.
How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
I came out in June of 1979 at the age of 31, here in D.C. I was still a member of a Roman Catholic-teaching Brotherhood and a campus minister at the Catholic University of America at the time. This was the beginning of the end for me with the Catholic Church as I started a support group for the gay and lesbian students, faculty and staff at Catholic. This, along with my advocacy of ordination for women in Roman Catholicism “cooked my goose” with the Vatican and by the end of 1982 I was forced out of the Order and the Church. Since both of my parents were very devote Italian/German Catholics, coming out to them was particularly difficult. They eventually became very accepting and supportive and my mother wrote a letter to Pope John Paul II in 1986 to tell him and Cardinal Ratzinger (now Pope Benedict XVI) that they were wrong in what they were teaching about gay people.
Who’s your gay hero?
I have many gay heroes, but since I’m a very political person, the one who stands out above all is Harvey Milk.
What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?
I used to enjoy going to Tracks Dance Club and welcomed many a New Year at their New Year’s Eve Parties.
What’s your dream gay wedding?
I love the simplicity and directness of marriage under the care of my Quaker Meeting. No fanfare, no clergy officiating — just a simple gathering of friends in silent worship, witnessing two people’s commitment of love to each other. Friends Meeting of Washington has been joining all couples, regardless of gender, since 1992. We just celebrated our first “legal” Gay marriage on Sept. 18th. It was a real sense of victory and triumph.
What non-gay issue are you most passionate about?
I have always been a dedicated environmentalist and am currently in the process of “greening” my home with sustainable materials and solar panels to generate my own electricity.
What historical outcome would you change?
The failure of the U.S. Congress to pass the Employment Non-discrimination Act (ENDA) and their pathetic support of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).
What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
I’m a non-theist but I’m in awe of the ultimate, incomprehensible mystery of the universe and the energy that sustains and expands it.
What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
I attended a fund raising concert for an Appalachian Children’s Hospital with George Harrison and Ravi Shankar in the 1970s. I was sitting in the nose bleed section of the old Capital Center. I got high just from breathing the air, which was blue/brown from pot smoke.
On what do you insist?
A non-violent approach to resolving human conflicts. My non-gay heroes have been Mohandas Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Cesar Chavez, Bishop Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela.
What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?
As a person who has become an introvert in middle and later life, I deplore social networking technology and have never used anything except e-mail and telephone. I like my privacy!
If your life were a book, what would the title be?
“The Grapes of Wrath.” I’ve always believed in using anger for social change and the uplift of the dispossessed and marginalized.
If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
I would actively protest tampering with something that wasn’t broken in the first place. I believe in allowing nature/evolution to take its own course without unnecessary human meddling.
What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?
Stop putting so much emphasis on repealing DADT. With all the homophobes in the military services, self-identifying lesbians and gay men will be the first victims of friendly fire. As a pacifist, I oppose all forms of murder, even those sanctioned by governments. I don’t want any men, women or children killed in war.
What would you walk across hot coals for?
Peace between Israel and the Palestinians and all other warring factions throughout the world.
What gay stereotype annoys you most?
The mistaken belief promoted by the Religious Right that LGBT people are pedophiles.
What’s your favorite gay movie?
Matches my Gay Hero — “MILK.”
What’s the most overrated social custom?
Arriving “fashionably” late for a party. That’s just damn rude!
What trophy or prize do you most covet?
All the jackets, baseball caps, back packs, T-shirts and scarves that I’ve earned over the last 24 years for my fund raising efforts for AIDSWalk Washington.
What do you wish you’d known at 18?
That I was a gay man and that it was pointless and demeaning to remain in the closet for another 13 years.
Why Washington?
I don’t have to travel far from my home in Northeast D.C. to attend all the rallies, protests and demonstrations for peace, justice and human rights.
Real Estate
Under-the-radar Delaware beach towns smart buyers are targeting
There are other options if Rehoboth prices are scaring you off
Look, we love Rehoboth. We will always love Rehoboth. Queer folks have been flocking there since the 1940s, and with scores of LGBTQ-owned businesses and a Pride calendar packed tighter than the boardwalk in July, “Rehomo” earned its crown fair and square.
But let’s be honest with each other: trying to buy property there right now feels a lot like trying to get a reservation at the one good restaurant in town on a Saturday in August. Everyone wants in, inventory is tighter than your swim trunks after Labor Day brunch, and the prices have officially entered “are you kidding me” territory.
So here’s a thought: What if you didn’t fight the crowd? What if, instead, you let Rehoboth keep doing its glorious, chaotic, glitter-bomb thing and you quietly built your beach life 15 minutes away for considerably less drama and considerably more square footage? Here are four towns ready for their close-up.
Lewes: The Charming Overachiever
Lewes is what happens when a beach town actually has its life together. Historic charm, walkability, proximity to Cape Henlopen State Park, less crowding, and a strong year-round community. Unlike towns that turn into ghost towns after Labor Day, Lewes maintains a real community all year long, which is more than we can say for some situationships.
And right now, the market is practically begging you to make a move. It’s one of the most desirable and stable markets in the county — built for buyers thinking long-term, not flippers, and Sussex County overall has flipped into genuine buyer’s market territory for the first time in years. Translation: you finally get to be the one with leverage.
Bethany Beach: My Personal Pick
Full disclosure: I own in Bethany. So consider this section a little biased — and also the most honest thing I’ll tell you in this whole article.
When I drive down from D.C., I’m not looking for more of D.C. I love this city, but I also love leaving it — and yes, some of the people in it too (you know who you are, and so do I). Bethany gives me that full exhale. It’s quiet in the way that actually means something: fewer crowds, slower mornings, a soundtrack that’s mostly waves instead of nightlife. It leans hard into its “quiet resort” reputation, with low property taxes and a limited geographic footprint, and it is not the least bit sorry about it.
But quiet doesn’t mean isolated. I’ve got a genuinely excellent food scene nearby, real shopping, and a string of charming neighboring beach towns — and when I do want a taste of Rehoboth’s energy, it’s a short, easy drive away. I get to choose my dose of chaos instead of living inside it.
And here’s the part that matters most for this article: the price. If you’ve looked at Rehoboth listings and quietly closed the tab in despair, I need you to hear this — you can absolutely afford a beach house. It just doesn’t have to be in Rehoboth. Bethany’s average home value sits around $848,592, which is still real money, no question — but it buys you more house, more land, and more peace than the same budget gets you closer to the boardwalk. Bethany is welcoming too, just without Rehoboth’s decades of built-in queer institutional history — and for plenty of us, that trade-off is more than worth it.
Fenwick Island: Small Town, Big Flex
Fenwick rarely gets mentioned and, frankly, it should be insulted. It’s tiny, it’s quiet, and it has beach access without the carnival energy. The market data tends to lump it in with Bethany, where single-family oceanfront homes clear $1 million while entry-level condos start in the $600s — proof that “under-the-radar” doesn’t mean “bargain bin,” it means “fewer people fighting you for it.”
South Bethany: For the Boat Gays
Some of us want sand between our toes. Others want a private dock and a boat named something deeply unserious. South Bethany’s canal communities are built for the latter — water access on both sides, fewer crowds, and a lifestyle that says, “I have a captain’s hat and I am not afraid to wear it.”
The Math Works in Your Favor Now
Here’s the part that should really get your attention: Sussex County’s median sold price has dropped to $440,000, down 3.3% year-over-year, and buyers are routinely closing around 88 cents on the dollar compared to asking price. That’s a far cry from the unhinged bidding wars of 2021 and 2022, when overpaying was basically a competitive sport. Inventory across the county sits at nearly 2,500 active listings — the most of any county in Delaware, meaning you actually get to be picky for once. Revolutionary, we know.
And no, choosing one of these towns doesn’t mean leaving your people behind. Sussex Pride serves the entire county, not just Rehoboth proper, and CAMP Rehoboth’s resources extend well beyond town limits too. You’re not exiling yourself to the suburbs of queerness — you’re just getting a bigger kitchen, a quieter porch, and a much shorter line for the bathroom.
Add in the fact that Delaware has no estate tax and some of the lowest property taxes around, savings that genuinely add up over a retirement horizon, and the case writes itself. Rehoboth will always be the beating, sequined heart of queer beach culture in Delaware. But if you’ve been telling yourself a beach house isn’t in the cards — I’m here to tell you it absolutely is. It just might be 15 minutes south, with your own quiet porch, your own salt air, and considerably more room to breathe.
Have a real estate question or Rehoboth market tip? Reach out to [email protected] for LGBTQ-friendly real estate resources in the Rehoboth area.
Justin Noble is a Realtor licensed in D.C., Maryland, and Delaware with Monument Sotheby’s International Realty. Reach him at [email protected] or 302-897-7499.
Real Estate
‘Culture eats strategy for breakfast’
Real estate agents must adapt, learn how to manage from within
“Culture Eats Strategy for Breakfast” was a phrase often repeated in many of my management courses from the University of Illinois. The concept was discussed at length – how the best laid plans can sometimes be supported or derailed by the culture of the people involved in whichever project to be implemented. Whether it be a project to implement new software, roll out a new product or service, or just reaching a sales target, the way the team involved works together can indeed affect the outcome.
Perhaps this is just another way to say, “teamwork makes the dream work!” Most teams usually have someone who is designated as a leader. The leader can try to lead through authority and control or can alternatively try to lead through influence and encouraging a more collective framework for solving problems.
Why does this matter when picking the right real estate agent or team to work with? Besides having a job as a salesperson for the brokerage, the real estate agent is contractually bound to act on their client’s behalf. The buyer broker agreement is in place so that the agent and the client can work together as a team in communications regarding offer strategy, during negotiations, implementing marketing plans, as well as selecting which renovations or upgrades to choose before selling a property. After the property goes under contract, the job isn’t “done”. There is still work to do.
At this point, the agents then turn into a project manager of sorts – coordinating communications between the lending team, the title attorneys, the other client’s agents, any governmental agencies that could be involved in down payment assistance or helping to clear a property for a sale, and often times groups like a condo board, a home inspector, or contractors when arranging repairs and estimates before a final walk through.
In short, the agent takes on somewhat of a “leadership role” in the transaction and ensures that all the ducks stay in a row until the project is complete. That agent will hopefully be very fluid and forthcoming with their information, copying the required parties on all communications and creating a “paper trail” of who said what or didn’t offer to fix A, B, or C, so that all the minutiae of the contract can be addressed and fulfilled before the settlement date. The agent often must wear many hats and quickly learn the communication styles of an entire new set of people in a short period. One person may not return calls for a week after being contacted. Another person may go on vacation at the beginning of the process and not return emails for two weeks. Another person may wish to have daily updates of the progress of the process.
In this way – an agent quickly learns in each transaction that “culture can eat strategy for breakfast.” Because the agent must adapt to a wide variety of communication styles, learn how to “manage from within”, build support for closing the project by the due date, and somehow keep all the interested parties invested, engaged, and responsive.
Who you work with matters when picking the right person to represent you in your next transaction – so, just remember that “teamwork makes the dream work!”
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Dear Michael,
I’ve been dating Mark for three years, living together for two, and I’m not sure he’s for me. We get along great but I’m questioning how attracted I am to him.
I was never crazy about him physically but he was such a sweet and smart guy that I wanted to date him.
Sex was never mind-blowing and the longer we’ve been together the more this is bothering me. I wonder if I could find someone who appeals to me more, physically.
On the plus side, I like him a lot. He has good values, shares my religious faith, which is hard to find in another gay guy, is responsible and has a good work ethic. Also, I just have fun with him and he’s always interested to hear what’s on my mind. He’s an all-around decent guy.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking that he seems great and that I’m a fool for even questioning our relationship. But all my friends are always talking about the amazing sex they are having, and then I think I’m missing out on a key part of life because my sex life is comparatively lackluster.
I don’t want to settle. But how likely am I to find another guy who is as all-around a good catch as Mark, but with more sexual chemistry?
Michael replies:
I don’t think the right approach is to wonder about your chances for of finding someone better. Anyone you find will have things you aren’t crazy about.
For example, you might find someone whom you’re wildly attracted to sexually, but they’ll bore you or annoy you, or have values you don’t respect.
I understand that you aren’t wildly sexually attracted to Mark. The truth is that it’s extremely unlikely that you would remain wildly sexually attracted to anyone for that long. People tend to get used to each other over time. Sex can remain great, but more from closeness and love than heat and sizzle.
I work with people all the time who wonder if there is someone “better” out there. And I tell them, they’re never going to get through all the possibilities before they die. Instead, how about thinking if the guy you are with is someone you’d like to go with on this journey through life?
Mark’s attributes that you mention sound wonderful to me. After more than 30 years working with folks on relationships, and being in my own 30+ year relationship, I have learned a thing or two about what creates a relationship that is satisfying and good. A decent, kind guy with admirable values is an excellent start.
The question is, can you live with your sex life not being on an orgasmically hot mind-blowing level? I hope the answer is yes, because sex with anyone you pick is not likely to stay in that sort of realm for long.
Another point to consider: I don’t think you should get too caught up in what your friends are telling you. They may be having amazing sex, but are they all having it with the same long-term partner? As I mentioned, long-term sex can be great, but the excitement tends to be replaced by caring connection over time.
I’ll generalize here for a moment: Because so many gay men have many sexual partners, the kind of sex you have with someone new, whom you’re tremendously attracted to, tends to be glorified among gay men as the gold standard of sex. But it’s not realistic for sex with a long-term partner.
This glorification is a big problem: It leaves gay men who are not having torrid sex with lots of guys feeling like there is something wrong with the sex they are having, that they are missing out on something super fantastic. Just like you are feeling.
If you want a lifetime of ongoing hot sex, I don’t think you should be looking for a relationship. If you are willing to accept sex being a not-always fantastic, but perhaps consistently loving, often good, and occasionally great part of life with a kind decent guy, then Mark might just be the right partner for you after all.
(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].)
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