Living
Queery: Ryan Williams
The Gay Mens Chorus ‘Whorehouse’ actor answers 20 gay questions

All-male productions obviously mean some guys have to take female roles. Ryan Williams, a gay 33-year-old Philadelphia native, is proving he’s game for it as Miss Mona Stangley (played by Dolly Parton in the film version) in the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington’s production this weekend of “Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.”
It opens tonight at 8 at the Lisner Auditorium on the George Washington University campus. Additional performances are Saturday at 8 and Sunday at 3. Tickets range from $30 to $50. Visit gmcw.org for more information.
Williams is excited about the show.
“The Chorus shines brightest when they do a stage production of this magnitude,” he says. “It requires so many talents beyond singing and dancing. Every detail you see on stage, from the intricate design of the massive set to the ’70s-era costumes, are taken with great care and love to deliver a great performance.”
He calls it “a gorgeous show.” It tells of a Texas-based brothel in the late ’70s that’s been around for 100 years but faces heat when a TV reporter starts investigating. The original opened on Broadway in 1978 and enjoyed a four-year run.
Williams says “Hard Candy Christmas,” which the Chorus previewed at its holiday concert last year, is his favorite moment.
“It’s a song filled with such raw emotion and after getting to know these talented guys over the past few months, it feels like they’re leaving my home for real every time I hear it,” he says.
Williams has been in the D.C. area for 10 years and in the Chorus for seven. He’s on the Chorus’s board of directors and development committee. He also participated in Chorus productions of “Grease” and “Wizard of Oz.”
By day, he’s a partner in a non-profit consulting firm. He moved to the area upon finishing college at Penn State.
He’s always loved music and says every life should have its own soundtrack. Williams is single and lives in Arlington. He also enjoys politics, arts, travel, entertaining, college football and discovering great restaurants.
How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
I’ve been out since June 2000. The hardest person to tell was my mother. Her response was as if she had dusted off the PFLAG manual from her nightstand and read off the bullet points on what to say when her son FINALLY comes out. The weight was lifted and I regret never doing it sooner.
Who’s your LGBT hero?
I worked at a large non-profit during my coming out experience that had three openly gay men in various departments. They were heroes to me and never knew it because they led by example. They each excelled in their careers, grew in personal and professional relationships and lived their lives openly and honestly in a conservative work environment. To me, heroes aren’t the celebrities who come out as part of their PR strategy or musicians who use our community for album sales. They’re the everyday women and men who live their lives fully and expect basic human rights.
What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?
Annie’s Paramount Steak House at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night! I swear it looks like the Cantina scene from “Star Wars.” I love people watching and after a great night out, Annie’s has never let me down.
Describe your dream wedding.
Come back to me when I have a fiance. Hell, come back to me when I’m dating regularly. For now, know the wedding must feature “As” by Stevie Wonder.
What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?
Youth voice and empowerment. Nothing freaks me out more than a young person who doesn’t feel as though they can freely speak their mind.
What historical outcome would you change?
Nothing. Everything happens for a reason.
What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
Performing at the Obama inauguration concert in front of millions on HBO as the chorus backed up Heather Headley and Josh Groban on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. To be backstage and meet Queen Latifah, Tom Hanks and Sheryl Crow was amazing! I even led an impromptu singing of “My Cherie Amore” with, yes, you guessed it, Stevie Wonder.
On what do you insist?
If you’ve gone an entire day without saying “thank you,” you’re leading a sad existence.
What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?
Thank You TIVO for the TRAIN WRECK that is Celebrity Apprentice #GaryBusey
If your life were a book, what would the title be?
“Say What? Tales of a Thirty-Something Smart Ass”
If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
I’d ask the scientists why haven’t they discovered a cure for Multiple sclerosis, cancer or HIV — priorities people, priorities!
What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
I believe in God. It’s the organized religions that turn me off.
What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?
Keep fighting!
What would you walk across hot coals for?
My family
What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?
Self-loathing gays
What’s your favorite LGBT movie?
“Trick” (1999). The scene between Mark and Gabriel before they leave the diner bathroom is one of the most romantic scenes I’ve ever seen.
What’s the most overrated social custom?
Did I mention the self-loathing?
What trophy or prize do you most covet?
My late grandfather’s wristwatch.
What do you wish you’d known at 18?
Do you remember that guy who asked you for your number at the rush party on fraternity row? He’s gay and will go on to be a doctor. Lighten up and give him your number, fool!
Why Washington?
D.C. is a great cadre of villages and neighborhoods with its own individual style and substance. Even after 10 years, there is still so much to learn and discover.
Advice
I make more money than my partner and getting resentful
She’s taking advantage of a joint credit card

Hi Michael,
I make a fair amount more money than my girlfriend does and I’m happy to contribute more to our life (we are both in our 20s and living together).
But Meg doesn’t seem to care how much money she spends and then asks me to front her when she’s running low. She seldom pays me back.
Last week she had a big night on the town with her best friend (formerly her girlfriend) for the friend’s 30th birthday. She hired a limo and spent a lot on drinks and dinner. She put the entire night on our joint card which we are only supposed to use for shared household expenses, because she had maxed out her own card. Of course I will wind up paying for it. (And I am slightly jealous. Why am I paying for her evening out with her former GF?)
I pay for all sorts of stuff all the time because her credit card gets too big for her budget.
And somehow I almost never end up getting her share of the rent, which is already prorated according to our incomes.
She always tells me she’ll pay me back but her tab pretty much just keeps getting bigger.
If I bring this up with her, she tells me I am cheap because I make a lot and we’re a couple; and if she made more, she’d have no problem sharing everything with me.
Am I just being ungenerous? I don’t know. Sometimes I think she’s an ingrate, but then I think if you’re in love, you shouldn’t be thinking of money, just taking care of the person you love.
Also, although I make more than she does, I’m by no means rich. I have my own student loans, and paying for the bulk of our lifestyle stretches me thin some months.
Michael replies:
For starters: Most couples must contend with some version of your struggle with Meg, because most couples have some income disparity.
Do you maintain a lifestyle that both of you can afford? That works for some relationships where the lower earner may not want to feel indebted to the partner who makes more. Other couples work out a system where they pay for expenses in proportion to their income. And in some instances, the higher earner may have a “what’s mine is yours” philosophy and the lower earner is OK with that.
What matters is that both partners come to a mutual agreement and are comfortable with the arrangement. In other words, they collaborate.
That’s not the case with you and Meg. You sound resentful, angry, and feeling like Meg is taking advantage of you.
It’s great to be generous in your relationship, but it’s also important to have a boundary when you think it’s important to have a boundary. Yet you’re continuing to subsidize Meg even when you have trouble making your own ends meet.
Important question: Have you told Meg that you’re stretched thin some months? If not, I’d be curious as to how you’ve made that decision. If so, I’d be curious as to Meg’s response.
If you don’t want to keep serving as Meg’s piggy bank, what is stopping you?
There’s a great saying in psychotherapy: If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. Meaning, our “big” actions and reactions have their roots in our history.
Think about your life history: How does it make sense that you are acting like a powerless victim?
Is not having a boundary an old and familiar dynamic for you? Were there important players in your life—for example, your parents—who insisted it was their way or the highway? Or perhaps you learned as a kid that if you ever said “no” to your friends, there’d be negative consequences?
Now ask yourself what might be keeping you stuck in a relationship of resentment. Are you re-creating an old and familiar dynamic? Sometimes we keep putting ourselves in the same miserable situation, over and over again. What’s familiar can be comfortable, even if it’s miserable; and we may be trying to get some understanding of the dynamic and some power over it, to finally get it right.
I’m just speculating here, to encourage you to think for yourself why you are staying in the dynamic you describe. You haven’t mentioned anything positive about your relationship, or about Meg.
Another possibility: I wonder if you might be so fearful of being alone that you’re willing to tolerate all sorts of treatment in order to stay in your relationship. Or perhaps you don’t think you deserve to be treated any better than this.
Again, if this is the case, where might this belief be coming from? Understanding why we are stuck in behaviors that keep us miserable can help us to get unstuck.
You have an opportunity to do something different here: Set a boundary and take power over your life. Perhaps if you did so, Meg would surprise you by shifting her stance, which would be good news if you have some good reasons to stay. Or perhaps she would not. Your challenge now is to get some sense of what’s holding you back, if you want something different for yourself. And unless you act on your own behalf, you will stay in this position.
One more point to consider, regarding Meg’s dinner date with her ex: Whether or not anything is going on, I take your jealousy as a sign that you don’t trust Meg. And without trust, you can’t have a decent relationship.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Real Estate
April showers bring May flowers in life — and in real estate
Third time’s the charm for buyer plagued with problems

Working in the real estate sector in D.C. can be as uniquely “D.C.” as the residents feel about their own city. On any given day, someone could be selling a home that their grandmother bought, passed on to the relatives, and the transfer of generational wealth continues. In that same transaction, the beginning steps of building of generational wealth could be taking place.
Across town, an international buyer could be looking for a condo with very specific characteristics that remind them of the way things are “back home.” Maybe they want to live in a building with a pool because they grew up by the sea. Maybe they want a large kitchen so they can cook grandma’s recipes. Maybe they will be on MSNBC once a month and need to have a home office fit for those Zoom sessions where they will be live on air, or recording their podcast. Perhaps they play the saxophone and want a building with thick walls so they can make a joyful noise without causing their neighbors to file a cease-and-desist order.
What I found fascinating was getting to know my buyers. Why were they purchasing their property? What did they want to do with it? Was this their grandmother’s dream that they would have a place of their own someday? Did they finally think they would write that award-winning play in the home office? What dreams were going to be fulfilled while taking part in this transaction?
Somedays, the muck and paperwork slog of navigating home inspection items and financing checklists could get to be distracting at best, and almost downright disheartening at worst.
One of my clients was under contract on THREE places before we finally closed on a home. One building was discovered to have financing issues, and the residents were not keeping up with their condo fees. Another building had an issue with the title to the unit, which meant the seller could not sell the home for at least another year until that legal snag was resolved. As the months rolled by, she was losing heart and feeling defeated. When we finally found the third home, everything seemed great – and then about two weeks before the settlement, the rains came down and the windows leaked into the bedrooms.
Another delay. (Our THIRD). This time, for several more weeks.
I think she wanted to pack a suitcase, go to the airport, get on a plane somewhere and never come back. What ultimately happened? The building repaired the windows, the seller’s insurance replaced the hardwood floors, and she bought her first condo, which she still enjoys to this day.
As Dolly Parton says, “If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with a little rain.” And finally, after months of looking, waiting, and overcoming obstacles, the rainbow peeked out from behind the clouds.
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. He can be reached at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Autos
Sporty sedans: BMW 530i xDrive, Mercedes AMG CLA 3
Tariffs are here and the result is financial chaos

It’s official: Tariffs are here, and the result is financial chaos.
So, what to do when purchasing a new vehicle? If you need one in the not-so-distant future, buy sooner (like yesterday) rather than later. Expect prices to rise quickly, as inventory dwindles, demand soars, and automaker incentives evaporate. Of course, if a new ride isn’t a priority for at least a year or three, then hold off until the dust settles.
But for those of you looking for new wheels now, I recently drove two sport sedans that were a pleasant reprieve from the usual plethora of pickups, minivans, and SUVs.
BMW 530i xDRIVE
$63,000
MPG: 28 city/35 highway
0 to 60 mph: 5.5 seconds
Cargo space: 18.4 cu. ft.
PROS: Rakish looks. Race-car vibe. Rock-star amenities.
CONS: Rad-but-quirky infotainment system. Rich price.
IN A NUTSHELL: Classic good looks, from the iconic grille and swept-back headlights to chiseled side panels and a tasteful tush. For a gearhead like me, the BMW 530i xDrive — completely redesigned last year — is as rapturous as Michelangelo’s David. Everything here is in proportion, from the design to the drivetrain, which — along with a gutsy 255-hp turbo and all-wheel drive — helps deliver a divine experience behind the wheel. Even better, my test car came equipped with the heavenly M-Sport Package: 21-inch wheels, athletic suspension, and assorted styling upgrades.
A tech-laden cabin is outfitted with a sparkly 12.3-inch digital instrument cluster and 14.9-inch touchscreen infotainment system. With the windshield head-up display and a slew of knobs and toggle switches in the center console and on the steering wheel, I wondered if this is how it feels to pilot the Space Shuttle. There is even a back-lit interaction bar with touch-sensitive controls to adjust vent direction and other climate control settings.
All this gadgetry takes some getting used to, but the overall effect is dazzling. While a 12-speaker Harman Kardon stereo comes standard, I was jammin’ to the 16-speaker Bowers & Wilkins premium audio. Of course, such options add up quickly (on my test car, the extras totaled $13,000).
Just how fun is this car? In my favorite episode of “Hacks,” sassy Jean Smart drives a rockin’ Rolls Royce Wraith. Trust me, this four-door BMW is every bit the badass as that $300,000 super coupe.
MERCEDES AMG CLA 35

$58,000
MPG: 22 city/29 highway
0 to 60 mph: 4.8 seconds
Cargo space: 11.6 cu. ft.
PROS: Slick styling. Spiffy cabin. Sublime seats.
CONS: Smallish trunk. So-so rear headroom and legroom.
IN A NUTSHELL: Need a smaller sedan that’s just as marvy as the midsize BMW i530? Look no further than the compact Mercedes CLA-Class, which is 14 inches shorter. That’s a benefit when jockeying for parking or navigating rush hour.
Another plus: This is Mercedes’s least expensive sedan, available in three trim levels. All come with the same potent turbo but in varying power levels. The base model starts at $46,000, but I tested the first of two high-performance versions: the AMG CLA 35, which costs $12,000 more. You can open your wallet even further to snag the $67,000 AMG CLA 45.
But why bother? The AMG CLA 35 is plenty quick — faster than the BMW i530 — and boasts sport-tuned brakes, deft handling and a gritty-sounding exhaust system. The laundry list of standard features includes all-wheel drive, automated parking, gobs of the latest safety gizmos and even something called “safe-exit assist,” which prevents passengers from opening a door into traffic or speeding cyclists.
The interior is pure Mercedes, with top-notch materials, customizable ambient lighting and Burmester surround-sound audio. The overall layout—sleek and modern, but with elegant stitching in the seats and on the door panels and dashboard—is comfortable and user-friendly. Digital displays and touchscreens are similar to what’s in the BMW i530, just smaller.
Size matters, of course, which is why this vehicle’s shorter length can be a blessing but also a curse, especially when trying to squeeze passengers with longer legs into the backseats. And the dramatically sloped roofline, attractive from the outside, limits the amount of rear headroom and cargo space. Thank the automotive gods for panoramic sunroofs, which—at least for anyone in the front seats—makes this cabin feel surprisingly spacious.
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