Arts & Entertainment
Savage views
Gay advice columnist has new MTV sex show

Dan Savage chats with a young gay University of Maryland student about his sex life in an early episode of ‘Savage U,’ a new MTV sex advice show. (Photo courtesy MTV)
The Blade caught up with Dan Savage last week — he’s plugging his new MTV show “Savage U” (Tuesdays at 11 p.m.) and took a few minutes out of a dizzying schedule of writing advice columns, editing newspapers, hosting the new show and being an anti-bullying advocate — in addition to being a family man — to riff on this and that.
BLADE: There’ve been so many cable sex advice shows over the years — the old MSNBC shows, Sue Johanson and even MTV’s own “Loveline” with Dr. Drew and Adam for those of us old enough to remember it. What can yours add that hasn’t been done before or does every generation need its own sex advice show?
SAVAGE: Hopefully what I bring to it is what I bring to “Savage Love” (his syndicated advice columnist which runs locally in City Paper) — a sex-positive, kink-positive take and one that embraces pleasure as a legitimate goal that celebrates people’s desire. A lot of what I’ve seen is really kind of sex negative that starts first with no, then with maybe. “Savage Love” works its way from maybe to yes to yes, definitely … there’s a school of thinking that says, “Oh my God, you can’t have sex if there’s any risk,” but there’s risk in all kinds of things. What needs to be discussed is how to mitigate the risk as much as possible but then at a certain point yes, you have a right to go for it. You also have to be able to shoulder the consequences. … There’s always a risk but you don’t hear people advocating against sky diving or snowboarding. There’s a whole bunch of people who will drop dead today from eating chicken salad and yeah, you’d be an idiot to leave it out in the sun for three days and then eat it, so we can apply that same brainy shit to sex.
BLADE: How do you get these college students to go on the air and say, “I have herpes” or “I’m a virgin.” Are you involved in finding them or do producers do that?
SAVAGE: There are producers who do that ahead of time. I need to be hearing about their stories for the first time when we film, so there are layers of producers who vet them ahead of time. There are a lot of old farts like me who think YouTube and Facebook and Twitter and all that is something new and always will be, but for somebody who’s 19 and basically grew up with this stuff, they have different attitudes about privacy … we’ve started some taping and then stopped ….
BLADE: Why? What would be an example of someone whose story shouldn’t be aired?
SAVAGE: This was someone who obviously had a deeper-seated medical issue that became evident on camera and we felt talking about the issue would have unfairly outed the person and would have been kind of dishonest so we unplugged the mics … we try to be honest and honor the kids without exploiting anyone.
BLADE: You seem so much nicer on the show than in your column where you often seem very exasperated and caustic. Why?
SAVAGE: Well I told someone in the premiere episode they were an idiot so I’m a little caustic here and there on the show but I think in the column, some of it is having to boil so much down to fit the space that it can make me seem more caustic and sarcastic than I am. I’ve had people say for the podcast I seem so much nicer but that’s the benefit of being able to run my mouth. It’s a different venue … also on the show, I’m a lot more willing to cut these kids some slack because they’re 18. I’m a lot more patient with an 18-year-old fuck up than I am with a 38-year-old fuck up. It’s like of course you’re fucked up when you’re 18 because 18 is fucked up anyway.
BLADE: Are you of the school of thought that a Santorum nomination would have been better for Obama than a Romney nomination or does any Santorum success cause you to shudder?
SAVAGE: I agree with Bill Maher on that — I don’t trust the American people enough to have (had) Santorum be the nominee. This is a country that elected Bush, at least once, he stole it the first time, but I would take Romney over Santorum though they’re two bars set so low they’re basically on the floor.
BLADE: What is the most pressing sex question you see from gay men?
SAVAGE: Male fear of intimacy is real and so it’s doubled with gay men. That comes up a lot. I also hear from young gay guys, like 15, 16, 17, 18 who say there’s no one for them to date. Their straight peers have been dating since the middle school dances but they’ve been alone or they say there are only older gay guys to date and I tell them dating starts later a lot of times for us so they don’t have a lot of options. Also monogamy comes up a lot. Gay guys are also guys so often it becomes an issue of non-monogamous relationships that are grounded in trust and disclosure rather than lying and cheating and running around.
BLADE: How do you have time to add a show to your busy schedule?
SAVAGE: Terry is a stay-at-home dad — that hetero-normative model of having a stay-at-home wife, that shit is awesome if you can afford it. We’re lucky in that regard.
Dining
Spark Social House to start serving alcohol
D.C.’s only ‘LGBTQ alcohol-free bar’ changes course
Washington, D.C.’s only LGBTQ alcohol-free bar will lose that distinction in December: Spark Social House, located at the corner of 14th and U streets, N.W., will no longer serve only booze-free drinks.
Spark Social, as it is commonly known, received significant media attention and accolades when it debuted in March. Opening in the beating heart of the LGBTQ community’s social scene, its doors stand next to other popular nightlife establishments, including Crush, Bunker, District Eagle, and Revolt (which opened after Spark Social). All of those other bars serve alcohol.
Spark maintained a separate identity, creating a “third space” for sober guests or those who did not wish to spend their evening in an alcohol-forward space. Owner Nick Tsusaki, a former bartender, opened Spark Social to fill a gap he saw in queer nightlife establishments that centered drinking. Instead, Spark was intended to be a convening bar. By day, it has served coffee and tea as a café for remote workers, meetings, and catch-ups. In the evening, the bar hosts a wide array of events, with DJs, dancing, drag queens, speakers, open mic nights, and stand-up comedy, movie showings, among other events.
At the bar, it served cans, bottles, and craft cocktails, as well as “wellness drinks” or functional beverages like mushroom elixirs, Kava, and kombucha. All of these are currently non-alcoholic. Currently, in November, the bar is serving seasonal morning drinks like toasted almond and French Toast lattes, plus non-alcoholic cocktails like a “Hottie Hottie” with non-alcoholic spiced rum, lemon, and maple butter; plus a maple espresso “martini” without liquor, which includes mushroom tinctures.
Spark Social, even in its short time in existence, won “Best DC Coffee Shop” in the 2025 Washington Blade annual poll.
Nevertheless, in early November, the Spark owners and leadership team hosted a town hall to share updates and hear directly from the community about the next chapter for Spark.
According to the bar’s Instagram posts, the town hall reviewed the intent and purpose behind the bar: to create a queer third space where people can connect, create, and feel at home.”
“After eight months as a fully non-alcoholic bar, we’ve learned that sobriety exists on a spectrum and inclusion means offering choice.”
To that end, in December, Spark’s offerings will evolve. Instead of serving only drinks without alcohol, there will be a new “1 for 1” menu in which every cocktail comes in two versions: booze and boozeless. While alcohol will be served, the bar owners insist that they remain committed to maintaining its welcoming and relaxed vibe.
In a separate post, Spark wrote that “Although this was not our intent when we started the business, after 6 months of operations we’ve made the difficult decision to change our business model so that we can keep providing this space to the community.”
They acknowledged that this pivot might have “come as a surprise,” and offered to received feedback to ensure that the bar’s initial objective of being a unique space could continue.
Alcohol will only be served at the bar in the evenings during the week, and all day during the weekend.
Tsusaki spoke to the Blade about the changes and offered these statements:
“When we opened, the goal was to create a queer third space where people could spark a connection, spark creativity, spark an idea — especially for folks looking for an alternative to the typical drinking environment,” Tsusaki said. “From day one, Spark has been about the vibe — a place where you can just exist, feel at home, and be surrounded by community without pressure or pretense. After eight months as a fully non-alcoholic space, we learned a lot about what people actually want from spaces like this. Most folks exist somewhere on a spectrum of sobriety — some are fully sober, some are sober-curious, some drink occasionally. We realized that if our mission is to bring people together, inclusion has to mean options for everyone.
“We had to face the financial reality of running a small independent space in D.C. The city has been hit hard — especially with reduced spending and recent federal layoffs — and it’s made things tough for hospitality businesses like ours. Adding alcohol helps make Spark sustainable so we can keep doing what we do: building community, creating jobs, and keeping this space alive for the long haul.
“We’re using this moment to make the space even better — enclosing the back patio so it’s usable year-round, upgrading our DJ booth and sound system, and making a few design tweaks that better reflect the energy and creativity Spark has always had.”
Photos
PHOTOS: Miss Gay Mid-Atlantic America
Victoria Bohmore crowned in regional pageant held at Freddie’s Beach Bar
The 2025 Miss Gay Mid-Atlantic America Pageant was held at Freddie’s Beach Bar in Arlington, Va. on Friday, Nov. 7. Victoria Bohmore was crowned the winner, with Lady Lords named first alternate. Bohmore and Lords both qualify to compete against the winners of the Miss Gay Maryland America Pageant as well as other state and regional title holders from across the nation at the Miss Gay America Pageant in January.
(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)
















Books
A history of lesbian workarounds to build family
Fighting for the right to have and raise kids
‘Radical Family: Trailblazing Lesbian Moms Tell Their Stories’
Edited by Margaret Mooney
c.2025, Wisconsin Historical Society Press
$20/150 pages
You don’t have a white picket fence with an adorable gate.
The other parts of the American Dream – the house in the suburbs, a minivan, and a big backyard – may also be beyond your reach. You’ve never wanted the joyous husband-wife union, but the two-point-five kids? Yeah, maybe that’s possible. As in the new book “Radical Family,” edited by Margaret Mooney, it’s surely more so than it was in the past.

Once upon a time, if a lesbian wanted to raise a family, she had two basic options: pregnancy or adoption. That is, says Mooney, if she was willing to buck a hetero-centric society that said the former was “selfish, unnatural and radical” and the latter was often just simply not possible or even legal.
Undaunted, and very much wanting kids, many lesbians ignored the rules. They built “chains” of women who handed off sperm from donor to doctor to potential mother. They demanded that fertility clinics allow single women as customers. They wrote pamphlets and publications aimed to help others become pregnant by themselves or with partners. They carefully sought lesbian-friendly obstetricians and nurses.
Over time, lesbians who wanted kids were “emboldened by the feminist movement and the gay and lesbian rights movement” and did what they had to do, omitted facts when needed, traveled abroad when they could, and found workarounds to build a family.
This book tells nine stories of everyday lesbians who succeeded.
Denise Matyka and Margaret McMurray went to Russia to adopt. Martha Dixon Popp and Alix Olson raised their family, in part and for awhile in conjunction with Popp’s husband. Gail Hirn learned from an agriculture publication how to inseminate herself. MC Reisdorf literally stood on her head to get pregnant. Mooney says that, like most lesbian parents then, she became a mother “without any safety nets…”
Such “struggles likely will feel familiar as you read about [the] desire to become parents…” says Mooney. “In short, these families are ordinary and extraordinary all at once.”
In her introduction, editor Margaret Mooney points out that the stories in this book generally take place in the latter part of the last century, but that their relevance is in the struggles that could happen tomorrow. There’s urgency in those words, absolutely, and they’re tinged with fear, but don’t let them keep you from “Radical Family.”
What you’ll see inside these nine tales is mostly happy, mostly triumphant – and mostly Wisconsin-centric, though the variety in dream-fulfillment is wide enough that the book is appropriate anywhere. The determination leaps out of the pages here, and the storytellers don’t hide their struggles, not with former partners, bureaucracy, or with roadblocks. Reading this book is like attending a conference and hearing attendees tell their tales. Bonus: photos and advice for any lesbian thinking of parenthood, single or partnered.
If you’re in search of positive stories from lesbian mothers and the wall-busting they did, or if you’ve lived the same tales, this slim book is a joy to read. For you, “Radical Family” may open some gates.
The Blade may receive commissions from qualifying purchases made via this post.
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