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Should the closet be a dealbreaker?

Decide for yourself, but be careful not to let it become an ultimatum

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Dear Michael,

My boyfriend David’s sister is getting married on Thanksgiving weekend and I am not invited although we have been a couple for almost two years.

I am upset that I have never met her, or any of his family, because he is not out to them. In fact, they don’t know I exist. I feel that if I am really important to him, he has to take a stand with his family and let them know who he really is and that he has a partner.

David comes from a very religious, conservative family and also works for his father’s business, so he is worried that they will reject him and that he’ll lose his job. I tell him that he has to stand up for who he is and can’t spend his life hiding from his family in the 21st century.

Also I think it is ridiculous that we aren’t living together, because he says his family would figure out he’s gay if we did. I told David that I am thinking of ending our relationship unless he starts being honest with them. He cried a lot and said he loves me, but he hasn’t made a move. Am I doing the right thing? Aside from this, David is a very decent guy — we have a fair number of shared interests and I like being around him. But I can’t stand this secrecy and am losing respect for him.

Tired of secrets

Dear Tired,

Although you believe that David has to come out to his family and shouldn’t spend his life hiding his sexual orientation, the truth is that he doesn’t and he might. You cannot decide what David does. You can only decide whether or not you are willing to be partnered with a person who is choosing to live as David currently lives.

While you feel that David’s choices reflect that you are not important to him, is it possible that this is not actually true? The reality may be that David loves you and that he is afraid to tell his family that he is gay. These are not incompatible. Is there some different measure by which you might determine how much David values you, other than by whether or not he comes out to his family? As things now stand, you are taking very personally David’s fear of his family’s approval.

I invite you to consider why you are losing respect for David, whom you describe as a very decent guy. Obviously, he is making some big choices with which you strongly disagree, but is there a way you could decide not to take the high moral ground over these choices? This would mean acknowledging that each of you has a different opinion and that you are each free to choose your own path. If you are going to be in a long-term relationship, finding a way to tolerate all sorts of important differences is helpful, because they are unavoidable.

That said, you may decide that it is supremely important to be partnered with someone who is not hiding his sexual orientation from his family and with whom you can live openly. While it makes perfect sense that you would want such a relationship, David may not be the guy with whom to have it. Get clear where your bottom line really is, so that you can choose whether or not you want to stay with David as he now is. If you decide that the current situation is indeed intolerable, you can certainly let David know in a respectful way that this issue is a dealbreaker for you, and perhaps he will decide that he is willing to risk his family’s rejection in order to be with you. Or he might not.

Until you make your decision, please avoid making threats to David about possibly leaving if he doesn’t behave as you want him to. Yanking his chain to influence his choices (even if you are certain that your way is right) will lead to a relationship of mutual disrespect, hostility and threats.

Michael Radkowsky is a licensed psychologist who works with gay couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at personalgrowthzone.com. All identifying information in the questions has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected]

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Real Estate

Can you buy a home with Bitcoin?

Buyer, seller must agree to terms before using cryptocurrency

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Bitcoin. Most of us have heard of it. Increasingly, many are looking to invest in it. For many, cryptocurrency has now gone beyond being somewhat of an exclusive province for the more adventurous and risk inclined investors and is becoming far more mainstream, as more than 100,000 vendors worldwide accept it as a valid currency. All of this leads to an important question – can you purchase a home with Bitcoin?

For those hoping to do so, the good news is that it is a possibility. In fact, it is a possibility that may not be as distinct or far-fetched as many might have expected. First and foremost, both buyer and seller must agree on the exchange of Bitcoin for the property. As opposed to situations where more traditional forms of payment are utilized, a Bitcoin transaction requires the agreement of all parties up front.

Although you can buy a home with Bitcoin, this doesn’t mean that most buyers are in a place yet where they actually do. Certainly, using virtual currency to purchase real estate is still a very new and novel idea, so of course, there is still some hesitation in certain sectors of the market. Often, these concerns center around a lack of regulation and understanding of cryptocurrency. Others have concerns about how Bitcoin transactions will be taxed. All of these questions and concerns are understandable, and it is expected that as cryptocurrency continues to become more mainstream these concerns will lessen, and purchasing a home in this manner may be an option for an increasing number of buyers.

There are also definite pros and cons to a bitcoin home sale. One of the advantages, for many, is that the transaction can be completed very quickly. Often, after everything is signed, the transaction can be completed in as little as 10 minutes, depending on network congestion. On the other side of the coin, however, it’s important to be sure that you trust the other party if you’re making a real estate purchase. Bitcoin transactions are often not reversible, so it’s important to be certain about your choices ahead of time.

Ultimately, while there are many ways to finance the purchase of a home, there’s only one way to ensure that you have a smooth and successful real estate experience – and that’s by getting connected with the Realtor who knows and loves the community that you’re interested in.

As an LGBTQ home buyer or seller, you want someone who values you for who you are, who understands your needs and real estate goals, and who will be committed to helping you achieve them. At GayRealEstate.com, that’s where we come in. It is our passion and our purpose to connect LGBTQ homebuyers and sellers, with agents across the country who have the talent, experience, and dedication necessary to make your real estate experience the best it can be. You deserve nothing less. We would be honored to help you get started on your next real estate journey today. Contact us anytime.

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at 303-378-5526 or [email protected].

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Real Estate

The trendiest paint colors of 2021

Ultimate Gray, Illuminating, Urbane Bronze among year’s hues.

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Pantone’s two colors of the year are Ultimate Gray and Illuminating. (Image courtesy of Pantone)

Last year, I decided to forego writing about the paint colors of the year, since many people in our vibrant community were out of work. Buying Farrow and Ball paint for $125 a gallon, it would seem, was not the first thing on their to-do lists.

So here we are in 2021 where the Pantone color of the year is…wait for it…Ultimate Gray. 

Aren’t we tired of gray yet? Sure, Pantone pairs it with an outrageously bright yellow called Illuminating, which I would have guessed was a blue-toned white had I not seen it online. The combination of gray and yellow has been used in linens and fabrics for several years, albeit in softer hues, so while the stronger hues have been updated for 2021, I don’t find them fresh or exciting anymore.

There is an array of colors in the lineup this year that are reminiscent of dirt. Dulux has Brave Ground, a neutral earth tone that “creates a feeling of stability, growth and potential, and provides a firm foundation for change and creativity.” That sounds like a color I need to have in my paint collection just to write articles, negotiate real estate contracts, and watch the news.

Sherwin Williams brings us Urbane Bronze, which they describe as “sophisticated” and “rooted in nature.” Harvard naturalist Dr. Edward Wilson would have likened it to biophilia, a term he coined for humankind’s desire to search for “a connection to nature and other forms of life.” I think it would accent cicadas nicely.

Contemplative, the 2021 choice from Pratt and Lambert paints, is a color to think about. It’s a deep moss like that found in the rainforest or on the front of my house. I guess it’s time for a power-wash. 

Teal has been around for decades, but it became so over-used that 20 years ago, Crayola removed Teal Blue from its crayon collection. Now it’s back in Benjamin Moore’s Aegean Teal, a deep, muted blue-green-gray combination, the ocean’s equivalent of mossy Contemplative.

Southwestern dirt is represented by Behr’s Canyon Dusk, which looks a little like a New Mexico landscape on a hot, dry day, without the cacti interspersed or the mountains on the horizon. Or try it on the exterior of your organic adobe home.

Glidden suggests using its 2021 choice, Aqua Fiesta, a softer, muted turquoise-aqua blend that won’t overpower your bedroom, bathroom and kitchen walls, and will promote a feeling of calm where used.

Dutch Boy has selected Earth’s Harmony for 2021. While the name implies a brown tone, this color is actually a cheerful blue that takes you to the moon and back. (Well, to the sky anyway.) Check out how it looks on kitchen cabinets on Dutch Boy’s website. Forget the gray-on-the-bottom and white-on-the-top cabinet theme and liven up your kitchen with this vibrant color.

Now, if you’re not already on overload, Valspar gives us 12 new colors to select from. Many are neutral and all are muted. 

The brown and tan tones include Maple Leaf (think Vermont maple syrup candy), Unforgettable (a perfectly forgettable beige), Arizona Dust (refer to Behr’s Canyon Dusk above), and Gallery Gray (gray is possibly a misnomer – it looks tan to me). 

The blues and greens are Lucy Blue (teal by another name), Blissful Blue (a mid-toned blue gray), Granite Dust (a very light blend of green and gray), Garden Flower (a happy green with only a touch of gray), and Academy Gray (more akin to teal than gray and the darkest of their 2021 choices).

In addition, Valspar gives us Soft Candlelight (a not-too-bright yellow), Cherry Taupe (a neutral with slightly pink tones), and my favorite, Dusty Lavender (true to its name, although anything called Dusty makes me want to go and take a shower).

Clark and Kensington paint combines its colors into three collections of six colors each: Understated Impact, Mindful Living, and Creative Escape, which sound like things to ruminate about while doing goat yoga. 

Each collection features hues that are like the blues, greens, tans, and grays created by every other paint company. The one exception is Red Tulip, found in the Understated Impact collection. It’s more of a ruby or garnet than a true red, but it’s nice to see someone paint outside the box. 

This month, I hope to see more decorating in gem colors: Garnet, Amber, Citrine, Emerald, Sapphire, and Amethyst, with accents of Smoky Quartz and Tiger Eye, and a smattering of Sky-Blue Topaz, Rose Quartz, and Pearls. 

Now, wouldn’t that make a nice flag?  Stay colorful, my friends.

Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH Real Estate. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.

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Dining

D.C. restaurants, bars ready to celebrate Pride

Many drink, food specials to benefit local LGBTQ charities

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A bartender at Dacha pours a Pride Pils from DC Brau in 2019. (Blade file photo by Michael Key)

Capital Pride looks different this year as the city wakes from its pandemic closures. While official Pride events are mostly virtual in June, bars and restaurants will still have plenty going on to celebrate and commemorate LGBTQ+ Pride in DC.

Selected options for drinks, food, and events are listed below.

Food & Drinks

Aslin Beer Company (847 S Pickett St., Alexandria) made news this spring with an announcement of a planned second location on 14th Street where Dacha had sought to open a location. The brewery will again produce its “Now More Than Ever” beer, an 8.6% double IPA hopped with citra and sabro, in recognition of Pride month. It will be $20 for a pack.

Astro Doughnuts & Fried Chicken (1308 G St., N.W.) is circling the Pride square with fried goodies. At all three locations, the Pride doughnut ($3.75) is a vanilla glazed with rainbow sprinkles – plus other decorations, including one with a non-edible rainbow ring that can be worn after the doughnut is enjoyed. A portion of proceeds go to SMYAL.

ANXO Cidery (300 Florida Ave., N.W.) is producing a Pride cider, with a portion of proceeds benefitting Casa Ruby. It will be a Northern Spy apple cider, fermented dry in in stainless steel. It is sugar-free and gluten-free, and will sold nationwide. The can will be decked out in rainbow colors.

Karma Modern Indian (611 I St., N.W.) is offering a special cocktail for the month of June: the Banyan Shade ($14). It’s made with Tito’s Vodka, Domaine Canton, and “Spinach Aqua” and has a garnish resembling a colorful flag. Karma will be making a donation to Casa Ruby from the proceeds.

Dirty Habit DC is having “Colors of the Rainbow,” a month-long series during which the restaurant will feature a different color themed food and beverage offering each week. A portion of sale of every “Colors of the Rainbow” signature item will be donated to the Human Rights Campaign and PFLAG.

As an LGBTQ-owned business, KNEAD Hospitality + Design is supporting the Capital Pride Alliance by donating a portion of proceeds on punch cocktails at all KNEAD restaurants: The Grill, Succotash, Gatsby, and Mi Vida, on June 12 and 13.

Foxtrot Market (1267 Wisconsin Ave., N.W.), the new upscale corner store and café in Georgetown, is partnering with Brooklyn artist Cute Brute to create a Confetti Cake Brownie for the month of June. Proceeds from sales of the brownie will go to Casa Ruby.

In keeping to its annual tradition, DC Brau Brewing is making its hops queer, with a limited run of a special PRIDE PILS. Proceeds will go to benefit SMYAL. DC Brau will do a second run of PRIDE PILS in October, benefiting The Blade Foundation, set for the weekend of National Coming Out Day.

El Tamarindo, the Mexican-Salvadoran restaurant more than three decades old, is serving a Walter Mercado cocktail ($11), garnished with an elegant orchid. The front window display is dedicated to Walter Mercado and his cultural influence. Proceeds from the drink go to Casa Ruby.

The eco-friendly plant-based fast-food joint HipCityVeg is mixing up its first-ever Pride drink: The Love Shake, served all June long. This strawberry shake is topped with rainbow and glitter sprinkles and gets a compostable rainbow straw. A percentage of sales go to SMYAL and Whitman-Walker. “We wanted something colorful and festive that would both raise spirits and raise funds for organizations that serve the community,” explains Director of Marketing Aviva Goldfarb. “We have tons of LGBTQ+ staff members and customers and knew this would also be meaningful (and fun) for them. Plus, we have seasonal strawberry shakes in stores in June so adding the colorful and glittery sprinkles and the rainbow straw made sense.” 

Events

Dacha Beer Garden (1600 7th St., N.W., and 79 Potomac Ave., S.E.) is hosting a Cause Tuesday fundraiser with Gay for Good on Tuesday, June 7, and a Dacha Beer Club with local brewery 7 Locks on Wednesday, June 8. The Beer Club event will showcase the 7 Locks Surrender Dorothy beer, part of the sour series Bitch Monkey. Dacha will have a Dorothy Drag surprise, and guests are encouraged to wear their Wizard of Oz best. Special Dacha brand tank tops will be on sale at both locations.

Via the Capital Pride Alliance is its official weekly mixer of Pride Season, Hooked on Capital Pride! It will take place at Hook Hall (3400 Georgia Ave., N.W.) in Petworth. Every Wednesday beginning June 9, there will be drink specials, music, and celebrations. A portion of the proceeds from this event will support the Capital Pride Alliance and partner Pride organizations through the GivePride365 Fund. Every reservation will include a bottle of Rose Bubbly, and a celebration kit. This event will take place on June 9, 16, 23, and 30 from 3-9 p.m.

Bark Social (935 Prose St, North Bethesda, Md.) is partnering with Montgomery County Council member Evan Glass to celebrate D.C. Pride with a PAWrade and canine costume contest on Saturday, June 12 from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. This beer garden and coffee house for dogs and humans will create a rainbow-filled canine festival of pride + paws. The bar will pour a special Pride-inspired cocktail with proceeds donated to the Moco Reconnect Center to work with other local creating inclusive spaces for LGBTQ+ youth.

Capital Pride is hosting a citywide Sunday funday on June 13 to support local LGBTQ businesses with the first-ever city-wide Taste of Pride Brunch. Various local restaurants have made a commitment to support Pride and local LGBTQ+ charities, featuring food items, drink specials, and entertainment. The event will raise awareness and resources for the GivePride365 Fund, benefiting local LGBTQ+ charities, and help to ensure the return of a full-scale Pride in 2022.

The speakeasy-style back room at Capo Deli (715 Florida Ave.) rounds out Pride weekend parties with an post-brunch event Sunday, June 13, 2-5 p.m. The event, called Bubbles & Bass, features DJ Babbitt and DJ Chris Adam playing disco over rose, Champagne, and other drink specials.

Caboose Commons (2918 Eskridge Rd., Fairfax, Va.) and its dog-friendly patio is hosting an event for Pride on Saturday, June 19 with Beer Babes Drag. There will be two seatings (12 p.m. and 3 p.m.) and a portion of sales (including items sold) will support PFLAG and the National LGBTQ Task Force.

Celebrate PRIDE with a staycation, via Kimpton Monaco. This hotel is the Trevor Project’s “Premiere National Hotel Partner.” When guests make a reservation at Hotel Monaco D.C., Kimpton will donate $10/night to The Trevor Project, and guests receive 15% off the hotel’s “Best Flexible Rate.”

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