Living

In scary times, families helping families

Family Equality Council’s new leader on road ahead

Published

10 years ago

August 11, 2016

Dana Rudolph

Stan Sloan is the new head of the Family Equality Council. (Photo courtesy of Sloan)

Everyone’s first week on the job should be like Stan Sloan’s. The new executive director of Family Equality Council, the national organization for LGBT families, began the role on the first day of Family Week in Provincetown, the organization’s signature event and the world’s largest gathering of LGBT families.

The 500 families took part in activities including a family parade, a beach campfire, free HBO kids’ programming and workshops on more serious topics like how to talk with children about the Orlando shooting. Afterward, Sloan spoke with me about his vision for the organization and our community.

Before coming to Family Equality, Sloan had for 16 years been CEO of Chicago House, which provides housing and employment programs for people disenfranchised by HIV/AIDS, LGBT poverty, and/or gender nonconformity. He is also an ordained Episcopal priest—and while he acknowledges that “religion has been very damaging” to many LGBT people, he hopes to use his status “for good”— for example, in fighting so-called “religious liberty” laws that discriminate against LGBT people.

He takes up his new role at what he calls “a very critical moment” for the LGBT community. Now that marriage equality is won, he said, “Either we find something big enough to capture us for the future or we may not stay together” as such a strong movement. “We’re nowhere near a resting point,” he continued. Discrimination still exists in the foster care system against LGBT potential foster parents and LGBT kids, as well as in employment and housing, which impact both LGBT families and individuals. “The idea of lived equality and of equality within LGBTQ—I think we’re just now starting to scrape the surface of that. That’s where I see Family Equality being able to take a real leadership role.”

A key part of that role, he says, is encouraging families to help families. He explained, “Currently, about 5 percent of LGBTQ people support LGBTQ causes. If you look at the fact that LGBTQ children and LGBTQ families are about twice as likely to have food insecurity as mainstream families, we can certainly be doing a better job of taking care of one another. I see that as our huge agenda for the future.”

That agenda would include “LGBTQ people with resources sharing with LGBTQ people in need, but also fighting to change the policies of our emergency systems, our food programs, and our housing assistance programs.”

“A lot of people here at Family Week can afford to take a week off work and stay in P’town, and that’s great,” he said—but when he’s spoken with them about those who can’t attend and may be putting their children to bed hungry, he’s seen tears in their eyes. “We’re ready to do something better,” he asserted.

He added, “You can’t talk economic disparity without talking race.” His favorite event at Family Week, he said, was an ice cream social for interracial families. “It was a metaphor of what we’re looking toward. We’re still way too segregated and too isolated. Part of the power of families helping families is you can connect stories and break down some of the stereotypes that exist, both socioeconomically and racially.”

To that end, another Family Week event encouraged conversations around topics such as gun violence, racism, and the Black Lives Matter movement. The event, held in partnership with COLAGE, the organization for people with LGBT parents, created breakout sessions for parents of color raising children of color, white parents raising children of color, and white parents raising white children, then brought them back together to learn from each other.

They plan to continue conversations about racial injustice through online forums, and will work for change in coalition with various partners, such as organizations focused on gun violence prevention.

And Sloan’s vision of families helping each other could have a wider impact on the LGBT movement as a whole. He explained, “If we can do it with families supporting families, then hopefully we’ll move that bar from only 5 percent of LGBTQ people supporting LGBTQ causes. . . . And if we could do it for families, because people care about kids, it’s an easy entry point for people into the idea of building a better world and of altruism. I think we’ve got a real role to play there.”

For Family Equality to take on this role, however, Sloan feels, means being more outspoken about their own work. The organization has been doing “amazing things,” he said, but “I don’t think we’re very good at letting the world know how we’re impacting the broader movement.” While big court decisions and legislative wins grab headlines, many of Family Equality’s successes have come from less flashy but still important work with federal and state executive agencies. Even before national marriage equality, for example, they partnered with other organizations to help the Department of Labor implement a rule change that extended job-protected leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act to employees with same-sex spouses anywhere in the country. They similarly helped change the federal student aid process to better recognize same-sex-headed families and helped modernize federal forms to include “parent” and “parent” options instead of just “mother” and “father.”

Moving forward, he asserted, “We’ll be less quiet about what we do and much more intentional about making sure that we’re supporting one another better under our rainbow. I’m very grateful to be here and I’m very optimistic about what we’re going to be able to do.”

Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of mombian.com, a GLAAD Media Award-winning blog and resource directory for LGBTQ parents.

Related Topics:AIDS Back to School 2016 Chicago House COLAGE Family Equality Council HBO HIV HIV/AIDS LGBT Provencetown Stan Sloan

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Autos

A magical Mercedes

S-Class continues to define what luxury really means

Published

2 weeks ago

May 23, 2026

Joe Phillips

Mercedes S-Class

At my stage of life — “somewhere between 40 and death,” as the iconic line goes in the musical “Mame” — I want some pampering. A lot of pampering.

Luckily, for anyone who constantly craves a soothing spa, steam room or sauna, there’s the completely updated Mercedes S-Class. This flagship sedan is now so full of glitz, glamour, and gee-whiz gadgetry, it gives new meaning to the term “auto erotica.”

Does this make the S-Class a “gay” ride? For me, any vehicle that pushes my buttons like this one is a Kinsey 6.

MERCEDES S-CLASS

$122,000 (est.)

MPG: 21 city/31 highway

0 to 60 mph: 4.3 seconds

Trunk space: 19 cu. ft.

PROS: Exceptional comfort. Ultra-quiet cabin. Cutting-edge safety.

CONS: Price climbs fast. Tech learning curve. Sportier competitors.

The S-Class continues to define what luxury really means, with a bolder silhouette, larger grille, and striking, next-gen LED headlights. There’s also an optional illuminated Mercedes star on the hood. Overall, nearly 2,700 parts are new or improved, so more than 50 percent of this vehicle has been updated. An extreme makeover, to be sure.

At the same time, this latest S-Class leans harder into intelligence and electrification than ever before. Under the hood, a range of turbocharged inline-six and V8 engines — paired with mild-hybrid systems — deliver power in a way that seems almost edited for smoothness. Braking is solid and strong, too, but never abrupt. All the engineering is fine-tuned and intentional.

Yes, the top-of-the line S580 version is more expensive, almost $140,000. But it’s also blisteringly fast, zipping from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.9 seconds. That’s as lickety-split swift as a Lamborghini Revuelto supercar, which has a starting MSRP of $610,000 and can easily exceed — yowza! — $800,000.

Colors? There are 150 to choose from for the exterior and 400 for the interior. You can even customize the illuminated door sills, interior stitching and wheel accents.

And the ride quality? Sublime. Adaptive air suspension reads the road constantly, leveling out imperfections before they even register. Rear-axle steering enhances maneuverability, making this full-sized sedan feel surprisingly nimble in tight spaces. On the highway, the S-Class simply glides like a private yacht on the calmest of seas — extremely quiet, composed and completely unbothered.

Whenever you slide inside, the cabin immediately sets the tone. A massive OLED digital display — the same high-def technology used for cinematic viewing and gaming monitors — anchors the dashboard, running the latest MBUX infotainment interface. Highly customizable, this software allows for advanced voice commands that feel natural, not forced. And an augmented-reality navigation system takes your route and overlays it onto live camera feeds. It’s intuitive — mostly, as there is a learning curve for all this cutting-edge gear. Overall, though, such amenities make older setups feel like dial-up internet.

A Burmester surround-sound stereo is available in 3D or 4D, with up to 31 speakers, 1,690 watts and tactile transducers in the seats that vibrate and pulse with the music. Those seats are, of course, extremely comfortable. And the seatbelts? These are now heated.

Let’s not forget the latest cabin air-filtration system, which can remove ultra-fine particles to deliver air quality that rivals medical environments. Clean air, yes, but even this seems like a special treat. It’s like being swaddled in couture, not ready-to-wear.

And lastly, there’s the rear-seat area, which — to be honest — is where the S-Class really shines. Executive packages offer multi-contour reclining seats with rapid heating and ventilating, heated armrests and massage functions. You can opt for a footrest, which ups the glam factor to give you a calf massage. Dual 13.1-inch display screens come with their own remote controls. There’s also a video-conferencing feature, to help transform the rear cabin into a fully connected mobile office. For me, it feels less “back seat” and more “private lounge.”

Even in fiction, high-tech luxury carries weight. Tony Stark helped cement the idea that state-of-the art vehicles can be aspirational, not just practical. The magical S-Class fits right into that narrative — minus the flying suit (for now).

Advice

I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life

How can I turn things around before it’s too late?

Published

2 weeks ago

May 22, 2026

Michael Radkowsky

I’m officially old, maybe even nearing the finish line and I’m getting bitter.

Dear Michael,

I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life.

I’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months. I can’t say why. I don’t think I’m defective. I wasn’t unattractive when I was younger (still not bad looking), I think I’m an interesting person to spend time with, but everything always seemed to fizzle out.

Thankfully, I missed AIDS because I came out after people knew what to do. Sometimes I wonder if fear of contracting the virus metastasized into a fear of getting close. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve consciously kept people away. Consciously I have wanted someone to share my life with, very much.

With my 65th birthday and official senior citizen status approaching, I’ve been taking stock of my life and am coming to the hard realization that I’m never going to find that elusive partner.

I don’t go out anymore because people look right through me, except the ones who have a fetish for older guys. No one’s actually interested in me as me, a unique person rather than what they see on the surface.

I’m tired of my coupled friends. They’re always talking about “we.” Yes, I have become resentful that they have what I want and will never get. I know that’s not admirable but it’s how I feel, secretly, and I am sick of feeling like this when I am around them. So why be around them?

And I’m tired of my friends who are focused on sex all the time. It just all feels like a waste of time. I don’t get anything from a hookup anymore, they’ve been feeling increasingly meaningless. I feel like I’m someone’s momentary opportunity to get off, rather than any kind of real connection.

I’m just sick of the whole chase I’ve been doing for the last 40+ years.

I’m realizing that the whole thing has been pointless, a quest for a partner who is never going to materialize and a lot of diversions along the way that have added up to a despairing feeling that I’ve wasted my life trying to get something that will never happen.

Gay life hasn’t been so gay for me. And I’m officially old, maybe even nearing the finish line. Yes, if you haven’t noticed, I’m getting bitter.

What do I do with this dead end?

Michael replies:

How about looking for a different road to go down?

I’m not going to challenge your belief that you aren’t going to find a partner. I think it’s possible that you could, because there are other guys out there, in your age range, who are looking. But you have no guarantee, especially if you have decided to take it off the table.

So what else can you do with your life? How can you make your remaining time on this earth well-lived?

From your letter, it’s clear what you don’t want to do: Look for a boyfriend, hook up, or spend time with your current friends. Surely there must be more possibilities for your life than those options.

So my advice is to figure out some things you care about and start doing them. Travel? Volunteering? Getting a companion animal? Taking classes? Finding a new career? Those are just a few of the ideas I can come up with, but I don’t know you. What ideas can you generate, that you suspect you’d like to pursue?

In other words, start putting one foot in front of the other and go in some new directions that intrigue you enough to explore.

Sitting around feeling miserable does not help you to get anywhere. It keeps you feeling miserable. Sitting around waiting to feel better does not lead you to feel better. What would help you get to a better place would be to start taking action on your own behalf. Always keep in mind that while you are alive, with your faculties intact, you do have the choice to take this step, over and over and over again.

If you give yourself something (or some things) worthwhile to put your focus on, and do your best to shift your focus there whenever you notice that you are lamenting, I’m hopeful you will create a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

I’m also hopeful that if you are spending time doing things that you actually enjoy and that enrich your life, you may find more satisfying companionship than you are experiencing with your current friend group. (And yes, this could include a romantic relationship if you decide to be open to this possibility.)

A brief reply in an advice column can point you in the right direction, but it is likely not enough to sustain and motivate you through a major life overhaul.

Therefore, I suggest that you find a therapist to help you figure out how to move forward and what to move toward; and also to grieve, and put to rest as best you can, the loss of the life you hoped you would have.

I know that transcending the loss of a huge lifelong dream may seem impossible. But working toward this, as best you are able, would help you.

Relatedly, one more thing that I hope you can address with a therapist is your bitterness. I do understand why you feel so bitter, and I also think that it is torquing your life in a downhill direction.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].