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Why pre-nups are not only for the rich and famous

Debunking myths of estate planning

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prenup, gay news, Washington Blade, prenuptial agreement

In order to end your relationship, it will take a divorce with all its risks and rules.

This is the sixth in a series of seven articles to help you understand what you do know, don’t know and should know about estate planning.

You don’t have to be a Kardashian to need a prenuptial agreement. Here’s why. Many of us enter into marriages after years of successful earning and asset accumulation.  Maybe you built a business. You may expect to inherit money. Maybe you’re really attached to the beach house you owned before you two met. Even though you may have been together for years, disparities in wealth, professional status, citizenship and age can all create issues. A pre-nup is a means for both of you to acknowledge what you bring into the marriage – and how what was once yours alone will be treated if you divorce or if one of you dies.

In the old days, unless you owned a home together, it was fairly easy to dissolve a relationship that didn’t work out. One of you could just move out. Marriage changes everything. Now in order to end your relationship, it will take a divorce with all its risks and rules. (This is also a potential issue for couples who have registered as D.C. Domestic Partners.)

Judges in divorce courts have great power to do what they think is “equitable” in terminating a marriage. They can divide up a couple’s assets in ways that they believe is fair. A court can also force the wealthier spouse to pay alimony to the less well-off spouse. I realize that the concept of paying alimony is foreign to most gay and lesbian people unless they have been married previously. But it is a real issue as some our marriages come to an inevitable end.

Getting married also changes the estate planning equation. If you are not married, there are absolutely no requirements about how much you might leave to your partner.  Once you are married, there are significant restrictions that prevent you from disinheriting your spouse. In general, your spouse will be entitled to at least one-third of your assets when you die, whether or not that’s your actual plan.

Prenuptial agreements (and postnuptial agreements) are designed to provide predictability when couples split up or when one spouse dies. These agreements are designed to make your own rules to handle the three primary issues that I’ve just described: equitable distribution of assets, the award of alimony and marital share claims by a surviving spouse. Here is how they can work for you:

1.  You, as a couple, get to decide how your assets would be divided if you ever separated. Many agreements start with the basic concept that whatever you brought into the relationship you should get to keep and the assets you both acquired jointly should be divided on a predetermined basis.

2.  You – not the court – define the amount of alimony to be paid in the event of any separation, or whether alimony will be limited or not paid at all.

3. If you have reasons to leave money to someone other than your spouse when you die, your spouse will agree to that treatment in advance and not try to get more later.

In the Washington area, many people who don’t think of themselves as rich have acquired substantial assets through years of federal government service, such as large TSP accounts. They rely on the existence of those accounts for their eventual retirement.  Losing half of that balance in a divorce might be devastating. The old saying that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” is the guiding principle of premarital planning. It’s not unromantic. It’s just sensible.

(This column is not intended to provide legal advice, but only general guidance that may or may not be applicable to your specific situation.)

Larry Jacobs has helped hundreds of same-sex couples and LGBT singles in the Washington area protect their assets and loved ones through partnership planning. He is a partner at McMillan Metro, P.C. and has practiced law for 41 years. Learn more about Larry and his practice at PartnerPlanning.com

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Real Estate

Tips for LGBTQ buyers, sellers during holidays

A powerful and overlooked window for real estate transactions

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The holidays can be a powerful — and often overlooked — window for both buying and selling real estate. (Photo by monkeybusinessimages/Bigstock)

The holiday season is a magical time, filled with celebration, travel, connection, and reflection. It also happens to be a powerful — and often overlooked — window for both buying and selling real estate. For members of the LGBTQ+ community, shopping for a new home or preparing to list a property during the holidays comes with opportunities, challenges, and important considerations that deserve thoughtful attention.

Whether you’re preparing to make a move as a same-sex couple, searching for safe and affirming neighborhoods, or hoping to secure the best possible price for your home sale before the new year, the holidays can offer unique advantages. With an inclusive approach, LGBTQ+ friendly resources, and the right professional guidance, this season can be a strategic and rewarding time to take your next real estate step.

Below are actionable tips, insights, and resources specifically tailored to LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers navigating the holiday season.

Why the Holidays Can Be the Right Time

Lower Competition & Motivated Sellers

Because so many people put their real estate plans on pause during November and December, LGBTQ+ home buyers may see lower competition, fewer bidding wars, and sellers who are eager to close before January. This can bring real advantages for first-time gay home buyers or same-sex couples seeking more favorable negotiating terms.

Buyers Are More Serious

If you’re selling your home as an LGBTQ+ individual, remember: holiday buyers tend to be more intentional, financially prepared, and timeline-driven. This can make the sale process smoother.

Holiday Appeal Helps Homes Show Better

Warm lighting, seasonal décor, and neighborhood festivities can enhance curb appeal and emotional impact — which can be especially valuable when selling your home.

Tip #1: Choose LGBTQ-Friendly Representation

Above all else: work with a professional who understands the LGBTQ+ community and the unique concerns LGBTQ+ clients have.

This means choosing:

  • a gay realtor
  • a lesbian realtor
  • an LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agent

Agents who are part of, or deeply familiar with, the LGBTQ+ community can make a tremendous difference in safety, comfort, and confidence throughout the transaction.

For more than 30 years, GayRealEstate.com has been the trusted leader in LGBTQ+ real estate, providing LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers access to:

  • verified LGBTQ+ real estate agents
  • same-sex couple home buying experts
  • LGBTQ+ friendly realtors near you
  • agents experienced in discrimination-related protections
  • LGBTQ+ relocation specialists

Whether you’re buying or selling, this starts you on the right path.

Tip #2: Focus on LGBTQ-Friendly Neighborhoods

If you’re buying a home during the holidays, make researching neighborhoods a top priority.

Look for areas known for:

  • Inclusion & diversity
  • Active local LGBTQ+ groups
  • Gay-friendly businesses
  • Visible LGBTQ+ community presence
  • Supportive schools & services
  • Pride events & alliances

Searching online helps — but talking with an LGBTQ+ friendly realtor who knows these neighborhoods firsthand is invaluable.

Also search:

  • LGBTQ+ crime statistics
  • local anti-discrimination policies
  • protections against housing discrimination
  • hate crime data
  • political climate
  • HOA regulations

Your home should feel safe year-round, not just festive in December.

Housing discrimination still exists — and LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers must remain vigilant.

While federal protections exist through the Fair Housing Act (as interpreted to include sexual orientation and gender identity), not all states provide equal protection.

Know your rights around:

  • Mortgage discrimination
  • Rental screening discrimination
  • Sellers refusing offers from LGBTQ+ buyers
  • HOA discrimination
  • Harassment after move-in

Your agent should be able to assist — but GayRealEstate.com also offers educational guidance and resources for navigating LGBTQ+ legal protections in real estate

Tip #4: Navigate the Emotional Side

For LGBTQ+ buyers and sellers, the holidays can stir up complex feelings:

  • family dynamics
  • financial pressure
  • expectations around marriage or partnership
  • relocation stress
  • memories tied to a home

Be patient with yourself.

Buying or selling a home is life-changing — honor the emotional journey as much as the financial one.

Tip #5: Take Advantage of Holiday Cost Savings

Buying?

  • Lower interest rates may appear around December
  • Contractors often discount home inspections & repairs this time of year
  • Movers run holiday promotions

Selling?

  • Minor seasonal upgrades help tremendously:
    • warm lighting
    • new evergreen planters
    • festive front door accents
  • Be careful not to over-decorate — buyers need to see the space clearly

And yes — holiday cookies help.

Tip #6: If You’re Relocating — Plan Ahead

Many LGBTQ+ buyers relocate during the holidays to:

  • be closer to family
  • move in with a partner
  • begin a new job in the new year

If you’re relocating as an LGBTQ+ couple or family:

  • research local LGBTQ+ resources
  • connect with local LGBTQ+ organizations
  • ask your gay real estate agent about local LGBTQ+ clubs, groups, and services
  • evaluate long-term safety for LGBTQ+ families

Plan early — December moves get booked fast.

Tip #7: Use Trusted LGBTQ Real Estate Resources

The most important resource of all:

GayRealEstate.com — the #1 dedicated LGBTQ+ real estate resource for over 30 years.

On GayRealEstate.com, you can find:

  • LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agents nationwide
  • Verified gay and lesbian Realtors
  • LGBTQ+ real estate market information
  • Same-sex couple home buying guidance
  • LGBTQ+ real estate services
  • Gay and lesbian friendly neighborhoods
  • Relocation tools
  • LGBTQ+ home buyer & seller education

No other site offers this level of specialization, expertise, or community connection.

The holidays are more than just a season of celebration — they’re also a meaningful opportunity for LGBTQ+ home ownership, real estate transitions, and new beginnings. Whether you’re a first-time gay home buyer, a same-sex couple selling a home, or an LGBTQ+ family preparing to relocate, you deserve an experience grounded in respect, inclusion, and safety.

With the right preparation — and the right LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agent — your journey can be rewarding, affirming, and filled with new possibilities for the year ahead.

To find an LGBTQ+ real estate agent who understands your needs, visit GayRealEstate.com, the trusted leader in LGBTQ+ real estate services, resources, and representation for over three decades.


Scott Helms is president and owner of Gayrealestate.com.

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Real Estate

In real estate, it’s déjà vu all over again

1970s and ‘80s volatility led to creative financing options

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In the 1970s and ‘80s, sellers used creative mortgage options to entice buyers. Some of those trends are appearing again now.

In the 1970s and 1980s, mortgage interest rates climbed into the double digits and peaked above 18%. With rates like that, you needed more than a steady job and a down payment to buy a home — you needed creative financing ideas. 

Today’s market challenges may look different, but the response has been surprisingly familiar: unusual financing methods are making a comeback, along with some new ones that didn’t exist decades ago. Here is a brief overview of the most popular tools from that era. 

Assumable Mortgages were available with FHA, VA, and USDA loans and, until 1982, even Conventional mortgages. They allowed a buyer to take over the seller’s existing mortgage, including its interest rate, rather than getting a brand-new loan, while compensating the seller for the difference between the assumed loan balance and the contract price.

Often, a seller played a substantial role in a purchase. With Seller Financing (Owner Carry) the seller became the bank, letting the buyer make payments directly to them instead of to a traditional lender.

One variation on Seller Financing was the Land Contract. The seller was still the lender, but the buyer made loan payments to the seller, who then paid his own mortgage and pocketed the difference. The buyer would receive equitable title (the right to use and occupy the property), while the seller kept the title or deed until the contract was paid off or the property sold.

With Wraparound Mortgages, the seller created a new, larger loan for the buyer that “wrapped” around the existing mortgage at an agreed-upon rate. The buyer would then pay the seller, who would continue making mortgage payments on the existing balance, collecting payments and pocketing the spread. Whether title conveyed to the buyer or remained with the seller was negotiated between the parties. 

Unlike an assumption, when buying a home Subject To an existing mortgage, the buyer took title to the property and agreed to pay the seller’s mortgage directly to the lender plus any equity to the seller; the mortgage stayed in the seller’s name. Now, most mortgages have a Due on Sale clause that prohibits this kind of transaction without the expressed consent of the lender. 

Rent-to-Own was also a popular way to get into a home. While a potential buyer rented a property, the seller would offer an option to purchase for a set amount to be exercised at a later date (lease option) or allow a portion of the rent collected to be considered as a downpayment once accrued (lease purchase).

Graduated Payment Mortgage (GPM) loans were authorized by the banking industry in the mid-1970s and Adjustable Rate Mortgages (ARM) surfaced in the early 1980s. Both featured low initial payments that gradually increased over time. 

With the GPM, although lower than market to start, the interest rate was fixed and payment increases were scheduled. A buyer could rely on the payment amount and save accordingly. 

ARMs, on the other hand, had interest rates that could change based on the market index, with less predictability and a higher risk of rate shocks, as we saw during the Great Recession from 2007-2009.

While mortgage rates today aren’t anywhere near the extremes of the 1980s, buyers still face a tough environment: higher prices, limited inventory, and stricter lending standards. That combination has pushed people to explore tried and true alternatives and add new ones. 

Assumable mortgages and ARMs are on the table again and seller financing is still worth exploring. Just last week, I overheard a colleague asking about a land contract.

Lenders are beginning to use Alternative Credit Evaluation indicators, like rental payment history or bank cash-flow analysis, to assess borrower strength when making mortgage loan decisions.

There are Shared Equity Programs, where companies or nonprofits contribute part of a down payment in exchange for a share of the home’s future appreciation. With Crowdfunding Platforms, investors pool money online to finance real estate purchases or developments.

Another unconventional idea being debated today is the 50-year mortgage, designed to help buyers manage high home prices. Such a mortgage would have a 50-year repayment term, rather than the standard 30 years, lowering monthly payments by stretching them over a longer period.

Supporters argue that a 50-year mortgage could make monthly payments significantly more affordable for first-time buyers who feel priced out of the market. Critics, however, warn that while the monthly payment may be lower, the lifetime interest cost would be much higher.

What ties the past and present together is necessity. As long as affordability remains strained, creative financing – old and new – will continue to shape the way real estate gets bought and sold. As with everything real estate, my question will always be, “What’s next?”


Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her at [email protected] or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.

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Real Estate

Could lower rates, lagging condo sales lure buyers to the table?

With pandemic behind us, many are making moves

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Condo sellers may offer buyers incentives to purchase their home. (Photo by Grand Warszawski/Bigstock)

Before the interest rates shot up around 2022, many buyers were making moves due to a sense of confinement, a sudden need to work from home, desire for space of their own, or just a general desire to shake up their lives.  In large metro areas like NYC, DC, Boston, Chicago, Miami and other markets where rents could be above $2k-$3k, people did the math and started thinking, “I could take the $30,000 a year I spend in rent and put that in an investment somewhere.”  

Then rates went up, people started staying put and decided to nest in the new home where they had just received a near 3% interest rate.  For others, the higher rates and inflation meant that dollars were just stretching less than they used to.  

Now – it’s been five  years since the onset of the pandemic, people who bought four years ago may be feeling the “itch” to move again, and the rates have started dropping down closer to 5% from almost 7% a few years ago.  

This could be a good opportunity for first time buyers to get into the market.  Rents have not shown much of a downward trend. There may be some condo sellers who are ready to move up into a larger home, or they may be finding that the job they have had for the last several years has “squeezed all the juice out of the fruit” and want to start over in a new city.  

Let’s review how renting a home and buying can be very different experiences:

  • The monthly payment stays (mostly) the same.  P.I.T.I. – Principal, Interest, Taxes and Insurance – those are the four main components of a home payment.  The taxes and insurance can change, but not as much or as frequently as a rent payment. These also may depend on where you buy, and how simple or complex a condo building is.
  • Condo fees help pay for the amenities in the building, put money in the building’s reserve funds account (an account used for savings for capital improvement projects, maintenance, and upkeep or additions to amenities)
  • Condos have restrictions on rental types and usage – AirBnB and may not be an option, and there could be a wait list to rent.  Most condo associations and lenders don’t like to see more than 50% of a building rented out to non-owner occupants.  Why?  Owners tend to take better care of their own building. 
  • A homeowner needs to keep a short list of available plumbers, electricians, maintenance people, HVAC service providers, painters, etc.
  • Condo owners usually attend their condo association meetings or at least read the notices or minutes to keep abreast of planned maintenance in the building, usage of facilities, and rules and regulations.  

Moving from renting to homeownership can be well worth the investment of time and energy.  After living in a home for five years, a condo owner might decide to sell, and find that when they close out the contract and turn the keys over to the new owner, they have participated in a “forced savings plan” and frequently receive tens of thousands of dollars for their investment that might have otherwise gone into the hands of a landlord.  

In addition, condo sellers may offer buyers incentives to purchase their home, if a condo has been sitting on the market for some time. A seller could offer such items as:

  • A pre-paid home warranty on the major appliances or systems of the house for the first year or two – that way if something breaks, it might be covered under the warranty.
  • Closing cost incentives – some sellers will help a cash strapped buyer with their closing costs.  One fun “trick” realtors suggest can be offering above the sales price of the condo, with a credit BACK to the buyer toward their closing costs.  *there are caveats to this plan
  • Flexible closing dates – some buyers need to wait until a lease is finished.
  • A seller may have already had the home “pre-inspected” and leave a copy of the report for the buyer to see, to give them peace of mind that a 3rd party has already looked at the major appliances and systems in the house. 

If the idea of perpetual renting is getting old, ask a Realtor or a lender what they can do to help you get into investing your money today. There are lots of ways to invest, but one popular way to do so is to put it where your rent check would normally go. And like any kind of seedling, that investment will grow over time. 


Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. He can be reached at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].

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