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EXCLUSIVE: Rep. Steny Hoyer’s daughter comes out as a lesbian

Hemmer seeks role in defending Md. marriage law

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Stefany Hoyer Hemmer (Blade photo by Michael Key)

Stefany Hoyer Hemmer (Blade photo by Michael Key)

Stefany Hoyer Hemmer has two reasons to come out publicly as a lesbian: her father’s recent endorsement of marriage equality and the likely upcoming battle at the ballot in Maryland over same-sex marriage.

“My father, as you know, just came out in support of gay marriage,” Hemmer said. “The momentum in Maryland right now for the adoption of the gay marriage law is fast-paced. I’m 43 years of age, and I’ve been gay my whole life and I just figured this is a good time to lend my name to the cause.”

In an exclusive interview with the Washington Blade, Hemmer — one of three daughters of House Democratic Whip Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) — made for the first time a public statement that she’s a lesbian. She said a limited number of people — including family and some friends — knew she was gay, but she hadn’t yet made a public statement about her sexual orientation.

“This was not his idea at all,” Hemmer said. “It was mine completely, but he’s very supportive. I talked to him before I did this, and he’s on board. Obviously, it’s a little nerve-racking for me to do this, but there’s something inside of me that’s telling me I need to do it.”

Hemmer said she consulted her father before making a public statement that she is gay and he was supportive. The decision comes on the heels of Hoyer’s announcement in favor of marriage equality. The Maryland lawmaker’s statement came just days after President Obama’s endorsement of marriage equality.

“Because I believe that equal treatment is a central tenet of our nation, I believe that extending the definition of marriage to committed relationships between two people, irrespective of their sex, is the right thing to do and will not, in any way, undermine the institution of marriage so important to our society nor impose a threat to any individual marriage,” Hoyer said. “It will, however, extend the respect due to every one of our fellow citizens that we would want for ourselves and our children.”

Hemmer said reading her father’s endorsement of same-sex marriage inspired her to come out publicly and do more for the LGBT community — even though she said she’s always known her father supported LGBT rights.

“I’m personally an advocate, and I’m certainly not one to hide my sexuality, but I’ve never out there with it politically,” Hemmer said. “So, I think when my dad actually came out with a statement, it triggered a want in me to further the cause, and I think that he’s powerful enough, and I’m frankly, smart enough, to do it. So, yeah, that was really the impetus.”

Hemmer said she knew her father wrote the statement himself because it was his style of writing and she commended him afterwards, but had no knowledge beforehand that he would adopt that position or issue those words.

“We had a brief [conversation] because we were at a birthday party for my grandson, but I said, ‘Good job coming out for marriage equality!'” Hemmer said. “He said, ‘Thank you, thank you.’ We just kind of had a brief conversation about how it’s been a long time coming, and he was happy to have been able to do that.”

A registered psychiatric nurse who works as a clinical nurse liaison for Maryland’s Department of Health & Mental Hygiene in the mental hygiene administration, Hemmer has been living with her partner of 18 months on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Although Hemmer declined to offer her partner’s name or age, Hemmer said she’s a nurse as well and they live together in Queen Anne, Md., with three cats and a chihuahua.

“We’re pretty normal, really,” Hemmer said. “Nothing is exciting and grand other than the day-to-day stuff. I have a pretty normal kind of existence.”

Hemmer was once married to a man about 20 years ago named Tim Hemmer, who’s an electrician and works at the Smithsonian. Hemmer said she struggled with her sexual orientation and entered into the marriage as a way to assert she wasn’t a lesbian, but the couple divorced when she was 23. Out of that marriage, Hemmer had a daughter, Judith Gray, who’s now 25 and has young children of her own.

In the wake of her father’s endorsement of same-sex marriage and the possible referendum on the state’s recently signed same-sex marriage law, Hemmer said she’s “committed” to taking a role to preserve marriage equality in Maryland. Opponents of same-sex marriage in Maryland have already submitted 113,000 signatures to put marriage equality on the ballot, which far exceeds the necesary 55,736 names, so the initiative will likely be on the ballot.

Hemmer said she hasn’t previously been involved in LGBT advocacy — and hasn’t even made any donations to any LGBT rights groups —but has already reached out to the Human Rights Campaign to get involved with the Maryland effort and expects to work with her father to speak out for marriage equality. Hemmer said she would consider getting married in Maryland if the law survives the referendum, but has no immediate plans to tie the knot.

“I think my father is going to lend himself to the campaign as well,” Hemmer said. “However, I think I will initially be an adjunct to him. I will go places with him and maybe speak, but I think that role will evolve. Basically, I’m here and what do you think I can do for you. You guys are the experts, you tell me what I can do. I think this helps. I think talking to them, going out, being visible.”

Even though Hoyer delivered the statement in favor of marriage equality just last month, the lawmaker has been known for his support for LGBT rights. During the legislative battle to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” Hoyer took the lead in the House and submitted standalone legislation to the floor along with former Rep. Patrick Murphy to repeal the military’s gay ban during the lame duck session of the 111th Congress.

Hemmer said she’s “very proud” of her father’s role in repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and predicted his support for LGBT rights would continue, but said that effort didn’t inspire her as much as her father’s support for marriage equality

“Everything he does in terms of gay rights and civil rights really makes me proud,” Hemmer said. “So, I think that he will continue to do that, and I think that he will continue to lead in the equality fight in Maryland with the referendum.”

Hemmer said her father sometimes consults her about legislative issues — including LGBT issues — but acknowledged he has numerous consultants working for him. She said she had a conversation with him about “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal at the time, but didn’t immediately recall how the conversation went other than she gathered her father thought it was an unjust law.

House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer (Blade file photo by Michael Key)

In a statement issued to the Blade, Hoyer said he is proud that his daughter intends to add her voice to the Maryland fight.

“I’m pleased that Stefany is adding her voice to those across Maryland and the country calling for marriage equality,” Hoyer said. “This is about ensuring all families receive equal treatment under the law. As more people speak out, the more momentum this effort gains to give every family the dignity and respect they deserve.”

Hemmer said she never explicitly told her father that she was gay, although she had spoken with her mother, Judy Pickett Hoyer, about being a lesbian. In 2003, Hemmer had one of her sisters break the news and later showed up at his house with a girlfriend.

“He was very welcoming,” Hemmer said. “Of course, my sister had prepped him. He was not the least bit shaken or upset and very pleasantly just a nice guy. He’s always been respectful of my privacy, so unless I initiate a conversation with him about pretty much anything that’s private, he doesn’t get into my personal business, which I respect. But he’s been great.”

Hoyer isn’t the first senior member of Congress to have an openly LGBT member of his family. Dick Gephardt, a former House Democratic leader, has a daughter, Chrissy Gephardt, who came out prior to his 2004 presidential campaign. Hemmer said she has seen Chrissy Gephardt speak in 2005 at Camp Rehoboth, an LGBT community organization based in Rehoboth Beach, Del.

A number of Republican public officials have LGBT family members. Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-Fla.) has a trans son, Rodrigo Lehtinen, who’s been involved with the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force and its “Creating Change” conference. Former U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich has a half-sister, Candace Gingrich-Jones, who has worked with the Human Rights Campaign and has criticized him for his anti-gay views. Former Vice President Dick Cheney has a lesbian daughter, Mary Cheney.

Even though Hemmer said coming out is “a little scary” for her, she doesn’t think there’ll be any serious backlash for either her or her father as a result.

“And if there is, it’s going to be from people who clearly don’t matter,” Hemmer said. “The Republican Party might have something to say about it that’s not very nice. But what am I going to do? It is what it is.”

In fact, Hemmer said she hopes her coming out will be a positive step in helping to preserve to right to marry for gay couples in Maryland that will build upon her father’s support for same-sex marriage.

“I’m doing this because I think that the time is now to do it,” Hemmer said. “I was not the impetus for him; he was the impetus for me. And I just want to make sure that people understand that. Having said that, he told me the other night, “I’ll support whatever you do.” He knows that it’s important. That’s the way I feel. It’s an opportunity for me to make a difference, and that’s what I hope to do.”

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Florida

Intersex teacher alleges Fla. school fired him over perceived trans identity

Shepard Scalf filed a complaint with Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

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Intersex flag (Bigstock photo)

An intersex teacher in Florida who was fired is alleging in a new Equal Employment Opportunity Commission filing that he was terminated based on assumptions that he was transgender.

Shepard Scalf in the filing says he was assigned female at birth but identifies as male.

According to Monday’s filing with the EEOC, submitted on Scalf’s behalf by the American Civil Liberties Union, the American Civil Liberties Union of Florida, and the law firm of Chanfrau & Chanfrau P.L., the school district fired Scalf on the basis of his sex and the presumption that he is trans. 

Scalf was hired for the 2025-2026 school year at Patriot Oaks Academy in the St. Johns County School District to teach language arts to 6th- and 7th-graders, after previously working in another Florida school district.

During the hiring process, Scalf submitted paperwork that disclosed he had been assigned female at birth. He was born with an intersex variation with XY chromosomes, and he lives as and presents as a man.

On Aug. 28, 2025, Patriot Oaks Academy Principal Drew Chiodo scheduled an emergency meeting with Scalf. The principal was directed to read a letter from the school district superintendent informing Scalf that he must either submit his resignation or be fired. 

According to the ACLU, Scalf was provided with no legitimate reason for his termination and had not received any prior warnings or disciplinary actions. At the time of his termination, Chiodo told Scalf his work was “exemplary” and that Scalf had “met every expectation.”

“Receiving this ultimatum was confusing and overwhelming. Everything had been going so well — I couldn’t understand why this was happening,” Scalf said. “The start of a school year is always brimming with promise and excitement, and I was looking forward to continuing my teaching career at Patriot Oaks until I was cornered into resigning. It became clear to me that being fired had nothing to do with my qualifications or teaching — it was about who I am.”

According to the filing, Scalf received communications that the termination followed complaints from a parent about his gender identity. However, the filing also claims that his gender identity, sex assigned at birth, and intersex status were never mentioned in his classroom.

In a 2020 ruling, the U.S. Supreme Court in Bostock v. Clayton County found employment discrimination on the basis of actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity is a violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

The ACLU is claiming that under that ruling, Scalf’s rights under Title VII were violated.

“Six years ago, the Supreme Court held in Bostock v. Clayton County that employers cannot fire someone for being gay or transgender because doing so is discrimination because of sex,” said Shana Knizhnik, senior staff attorney with the ACLU’s LGBTQ & HIV Project, in a press release from the ACLU. “The same reasoning protects intersex people, who have long faced discrimination because their bodies and lives do not conform to narrow expectations about what a man or a woman is supposed to be. Mr. Scalf was an exemplary teacher, but despite his performance and qualifications, he was forced out of his job because he did not fit those expectations. As politicians and institutions increasingly seek to police sex and gender, intersex people are too often caught in the crossfire alongside transgender people — but federal civil rights law protects everyone from this kind of discrimination.”

Samantha Past, a staff attorney with the ACLU of Florida, stated in a press release that Florida’s public school system is increasingly hostile towards LGBTQ people.

“At a time when Florida’s public schools are increasingly targeted by disruptive state policies and in the midst of a teacher shortage crisis, St. Johns County School District chose to unlawfully oust a qualified and respected educator. Everyone deserves the opportunity to work and contribute to their community without fear of being targeted because of who they are. Mr. Scalf is no exception,” Past stated.

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America 250

Washington Blade publishes ‘Queering America 250’

New magazine chronicles LGBTQ history and contributions to U.S. culture

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The Washington Blade this week published a new glossy magazine, titled “Queering America 250,” a look back at the many contributions that LGBTQ people have made to the founding of the country through the present day.

From Colonial times to modern pop culture, the magazine aims to remind readers of some of the many ways queer people have influenced American life.

“As the country commemorates 250 years, we wanted to do our part to ensure LGBTQ contributions to America were not ignored or forgotten,” said Blade Editor Kevin Naff. “As this administration seeks to erase queer identities, it’s more important than ever that we speak up and remind the world that we have always been here and always will be.”

The magazine is divided into chapters addressing queer life in Colonial times, the early 20th century, the late 20th century, and the 21st century. There’s a story about D.C.’s role in LGBTQ visibility; a top 40 moments in queer pop culture piece; and a series of opinion pieces and photo pages from the Blade’s historic archive.

The magazine is free and available across the D.C. region during Pride. It’s also available online.

You can find the magazine here: Annie’s, As You Are, Bunker, Crush, DIK Bar, District Eagle, Green Lantern, Her Diner, Jane Jane, JR.’s, Icon, Kiki, Larry’s Lounge, Little Gay Pub, Nellie’s, Number Nine, Pitchers, Red Bear Brewing, Shakers, Sinners and Saints, Spark Social House, Fireplace, Thurst, Trade, Uproar, Whitman-Walker Health, Destination DC, Mayor’s Office of LGBTQ Affairs, DC Center, SMYAL, HRC, Bite the Fruit, 350 Bakery, Logan 14 Aveda Salon Spa, Vida Fitness U Street and Logan Circle, Freddie’s Beach Bar, Destination Tomorrow. The magazine is also available at D.C. and Northern Virginia libraries.

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America 250

As we celebrate 250 years of America, let’s remember our elders

It’s important to acknowledge history and honor pioneering community members

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Venus Thrash in 2014. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Editor’s note: This is part of the “Queering America 250” LGBTQ history magazine published by the Washington Blade. The glossy magazine is free and available across the D.C. region during Pride. 

You can find it here: Annie’s, As You Are, Bunker, Crush, DIK Bar, District Eagle, Green Lantern, Her Diner, Jane Jane, JR.’s, Icon, Kiki, Larry’s Lounge, Little Gay Pub, Nellie’s, Number Nine, Pitchers, Red Bear Brewing, Shakers, Sinners and Saints, Spark Social House, Fireplace, Thurst, Trade, Uproar, Whitman-Walker Health, Destination DC, Mayor’s Office of LGBTQ Affairs, DC Center, SMYAL, HRC, Bite the Fruit, 350 Bakery, Logan 14 Aveda Salon Spa, Vida Fitness U Street and Logan Circle, Freddie’s Beach Bar, Destination Tomorrow. The magazine is also available at D.C. and Northern Virginia libraries.

The United States does not have a monarchy. I do not mean to comment on whether or not we live under tyranny or despotism, or if people live under modern serfdom; I mention that to explain, likely to the chagrin of our current president, U.S. citizens are not rewarded for their accomplishments by becoming a Knight or a Dame. 

We do, however, like our awards, including trophies from academies and medals from the executive or legislature. The aforementioned current president likes awards so very much that the U.S. Congress and an international sports association created new awards just to appease him, and the recent winner of the Nobel Peace Prize gifted hers. These incidents will likely be rendered as footnotes in history because of the sheer volume of lunacy we are enduring under this regime of idiocracy. 

In entertainment, a coveted status is that of EGOT: the winning combination of receiving an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony. I assert that not all EGOTs are equal. Some Emmys and Tonys are received merely by financing productions. Oscars and Grammys have been won because of sympathy for personal tragedy, the nominated veteran performer is considered overdue for a win, or a deceased nominee posthumously wins, as a final sendoff.

Not all awards are created equal. Some are considered prestigious, while others are less notable. As far as awards bestowed upon local entertainers, the Nation’s Capital has very few of the former. Given what I know about their processes, many are decided upon by small groups of often unremarkable people or flawed online procedures. It is not a meritocracy. Ultimately, receiving awards is about who knows you and who likes you. Even more unfortunate is that bias and bigotry play at least as much a part as loyalty or nepotism.

Winners of the Nobel and Pulitzer Prizes receive money, which is something some advocacy groups have done, and I wish more would do. As an outside observer, I find that the local awards for D.C. theater, television, and restaurants seem to have the most cachet. Some other awards that have a precise focus or have only a select few annual honorees are commendable, but many of the rest seem haphazard and disorganized, if not corrupt or simply irrelevant. 

While most local awards fail to impress me, be it the categories, the trophies, the ceremonies, or the recipients themselves, I still want people to be recognized, so I nominate them. I point out who is often left out, such as DJs, who not only help to curate nightlife and culture but also enable these organizations to have successful events, including their award ceremonies and receptions. 

Over the years, in many an awards nomination process, I have done my best to advocate for people, especially elders, whom I consider unsung heroes or under appreciated trailblazers. My focus is primarily Black LGBTQ people who are local or who hail from the region. 

Consistently unacknowledged by local awards are people who are from here and have since gone on to achieve national or international acclaim. Merely from the perspective of production and promotion, and especially prestige, this seems like a missed opportunity. 

There are the Black LGBTQ performers who are commonly known to be from this area: Grammy-winning musician and former Duke Ellington student Meshell Ndegeocello, comedian and former NSA employee Wanda Sykes, blues legend and former Fredericksburg science teacher Gaye Adegbalola, and recording artist and former D.C. nightclub performer Kevin Aviance. 

Samira Wiley (Photo by DFree/Bigstock)

There are several accomplished Black LGBTQ actors from this area, including Emmy winner and Duke Ellington graduate Samira Wiley, Helen Hayes Award winner and Howard University graduate Roz White, Emmy winner and graduate of Greenbelt’s Roosevelt High Tramell Tillman, “Noah’s Arc” cast member and Hyattsville native Doug Spearman, “Angel” cast member and former Bladensburg resident J. August Richards, and former “America’s Next Top Model” contestant-turned-actor and Prince George’s County native Isis King. Pioneering transgender actor and singer Sandra Caldwell was born and raised in Washington, D.C. 

I also think of people who deserve posthumous recognition, including DJ and music producer Vjuan Allure, poet and D.C. government employee Venus Thrash, and Tony Washington, lead singer of the Motown vocal quintet Dynamic Superiors.

There are others in the performing arts, as well as authors, playwrights, journalists, and content creators, whose notable achievements seem to be unacknowledged locally. It appears one can be revered in certain D.C. circles, but once success is achieved beyond that, that person likely never receives a homecoming. It is reminiscent of U.S.-born showgirl and singer (and later war hero) Josephine Baker, who found success in France, and elsewhere around the world, but is less revered in the nation of her birth.

Wanda Sykes speaks at the ‘LGBT 50th’ event in Philadelphia on July 4, 2015, marking the 50 year anniversary of the first gay and lesbian rights picket outside Independence Hall. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

As some people celebrate 250 years of the United States, I hope we will all think about how we acknowledge history and honor our community members, especially our elders. In my opinion, we can do better. I think there are many people whose accomplishments, big or small, in various arenas, are overlooked. Furthermore, just as I find the flag-waving jingoism that purports itself as patriotism distasteful, I also think that lackluster ceremonies and overpriced trinkets are not the best ways to acknowledge community advocates and activists who particularly need financial support.

At least the aforementioned performers have received national acclaim. While I have not yet been successful in getting any of them honored by local organizations, I was able to acknowledge them here. I give you all your proverbial flowers. Congratulations on your success, and know that some of us see you and are proud of your success. 

Zar is the mononynous community advocate, speechwriter, songwriter, and event organizer who founded Team Rayceen Productions in 2014. 

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