National
EXCLUSIVE: Rep. Steny Hoyer’s daughter comes out as a lesbian
Hemmer seeks role in defending Md. marriage law
Stefany Hoyer Hemmer (Blade photo by Michael Key)
Stefany Hoyer Hemmer has two reasons to come out publicly as a lesbian: her father’s recent endorsement of marriage equality and the likely upcoming battle at the ballot in Maryland over same-sex marriage.
“My father, as you know, just came out in support of gay marriage,” Hemmer said. “The momentum in Maryland right now for the adoption of the gay marriage law is fast-paced. I’m 43 years of age, and I’ve been gay my whole life and I just figured this is a good time to lend my name to the cause.”
In an exclusive interview with the Washington Blade, Hemmer — one of three daughters of House Democratic Whip Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) — made for the first time a public statement that she’s a lesbian. She said a limited number of people — including family and some friends — knew she was gay, but she hadn’t yet made a public statement about her sexual orientation.
“This was not his idea at all,” Hemmer said. “It was mine completely, but he’s very supportive. I talked to him before I did this, and he’s on board. Obviously, it’s a little nerve-racking for me to do this, but there’s something inside of me that’s telling me I need to do it.”
Hemmer said she consulted her father before making a public statement that she is gay and he was supportive. The decision comes on the heels of Hoyer’s announcement in favor of marriage equality. The Maryland lawmaker’s statement came just days after President Obama’s endorsement of marriage equality.
“Because I believe that equal treatment is a central tenet of our nation, I believe that extending the definition of marriage to committed relationships between two people, irrespective of their sex, is the right thing to do and will not, in any way, undermine the institution of marriage so important to our society nor impose a threat to any individual marriage,” Hoyer said. “It will, however, extend the respect due to every one of our fellow citizens that we would want for ourselves and our children.”
Hemmer said reading her father’s endorsement of same-sex marriage inspired her to come out publicly and do more for the LGBT community — even though she said she’s always known her father supported LGBT rights.
“I’m personally an advocate, and I’m certainly not one to hide my sexuality, but I’ve never out there with it politically,” Hemmer said. “So, I think when my dad actually came out with a statement, it triggered a want in me to further the cause, and I think that he’s powerful enough, and I’m frankly, smart enough, to do it. So, yeah, that was really the impetus.”
Hemmer said she knew her father wrote the statement himself because it was his style of writing and she commended him afterwards, but had no knowledge beforehand that he would adopt that position or issue those words.
“We had a brief [conversation] because we were at a birthday party for my grandson, but I said, ‘Good job coming out for marriage equality!'” Hemmer said. “He said, ‘Thank you, thank you.’ We just kind of had a brief conversation about how it’s been a long time coming, and he was happy to have been able to do that.”
A registered psychiatric nurse who works as a clinical nurse liaison for Maryland’s Department of Health & Mental Hygiene in the mental hygiene administration, Hemmer has been living with her partner of 18 months on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Although Hemmer declined to offer her partner’s name or age, Hemmer said she’s a nurse as well and they live together in Queen Anne, Md., with three cats and a chihuahua.
“We’re pretty normal, really,” Hemmer said. “Nothing is exciting and grand other than the day-to-day stuff. I have a pretty normal kind of existence.”
Hemmer was once married to a man about 20 years ago named Tim Hemmer, who’s an electrician and works at the Smithsonian. Hemmer said she struggled with her sexual orientation and entered into the marriage as a way to assert she wasn’t a lesbian, but the couple divorced when she was 23. Out of that marriage, Hemmer had a daughter, Judith Gray, who’s now 25 and has young children of her own.
In the wake of her father’s endorsement of same-sex marriage and the possible referendum on the state’s recently signed same-sex marriage law, Hemmer said she’s “committed” to taking a role to preserve marriage equality in Maryland. Opponents of same-sex marriage in Maryland have already submitted 113,000 signatures to put marriage equality on the ballot, which far exceeds the necesary 55,736 names, so the initiative will likely be on the ballot.
Hemmer said she hasn’t previously been involved in LGBT advocacy — and hasn’t even made any donations to any LGBT rights groups —but has already reached out to the Human Rights Campaign to get involved with the Maryland effort and expects to work with her father to speak out for marriage equality. Hemmer said she would consider getting married in Maryland if the law survives the referendum, but has no immediate plans to tie the knot.
“I think my father is going to lend himself to the campaign as well,” Hemmer said. “However, I think I will initially be an adjunct to him. I will go places with him and maybe speak, but I think that role will evolve. Basically, I’m here and what do you think I can do for you. You guys are the experts, you tell me what I can do. I think this helps. I think talking to them, going out, being visible.”
Even though Hoyer delivered the statement in favor of marriage equality just last month, the lawmaker has been known for his support for LGBT rights. During the legislative battle to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” Hoyer took the lead in the House and submitted standalone legislation to the floor along with former Rep. Patrick Murphy to repeal the military’s gay ban during the lame duck session of the 111th Congress.
Hemmer said she’s “very proud” of her father’s role in repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and predicted his support for LGBT rights would continue, but said that effort didn’t inspire her as much as her father’s support for marriage equality
“Everything he does in terms of gay rights and civil rights really makes me proud,” Hemmer said. “So, I think that he will continue to do that, and I think that he will continue to lead in the equality fight in Maryland with the referendum.”
Hemmer said her father sometimes consults her about legislative issues — including LGBT issues — but acknowledged he has numerous consultants working for him. She said she had a conversation with him about “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal at the time, but didn’t immediately recall how the conversation went other than she gathered her father thought it was an unjust law.
House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer (Blade file photo by Michael Key)
In a statement issued to the Blade, Hoyer said he is proud that his daughter intends to add her voice to the Maryland fight.
“I’m pleased that Stefany is adding her voice to those across Maryland and the country calling for marriage equality,” Hoyer said. “This is about ensuring all families receive equal treatment under the law. As more people speak out, the more momentum this effort gains to give every family the dignity and respect they deserve.”
Hemmer said she never explicitly told her father that she was gay, although she had spoken with her mother, Judy Pickett Hoyer, about being a lesbian. In 2003, Hemmer had one of her sisters break the news and later showed up at his house with a girlfriend.
“He was very welcoming,” Hemmer said. “Of course, my sister had prepped him. He was not the least bit shaken or upset and very pleasantly just a nice guy. He’s always been respectful of my privacy, so unless I initiate a conversation with him about pretty much anything that’s private, he doesn’t get into my personal business, which I respect. But he’s been great.”
Hoyer isn’t the first senior member of Congress to have an openly LGBT member of his family. Dick Gephardt, a former House Democratic leader, has a daughter, Chrissy Gephardt, who came out prior to his 2004 presidential campaign. Hemmer said she has seen Chrissy Gephardt speak in 2005 at Camp Rehoboth, an LGBT community organization based in Rehoboth Beach, Del.
A number of Republican public officials have LGBT family members. Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-Fla.) has a trans son, Rodrigo Lehtinen, who’s been involved with the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force and its “Creating Change” conference. Former U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich has a half-sister, Candace Gingrich-Jones, who has worked with the Human Rights Campaign and has criticized him for his anti-gay views. Former Vice President Dick Cheney has a lesbian daughter, Mary Cheney.
Even though Hemmer said coming out is “a little scary” for her, she doesn’t think there’ll be any serious backlash for either her or her father as a result.
“And if there is, it’s going to be from people who clearly don’t matter,” Hemmer said. “The Republican Party might have something to say about it that’s not very nice. But what am I going to do? It is what it is.”
In fact, Hemmer said she hopes her coming out will be a positive step in helping to preserve to right to marry for gay couples in Maryland that will build upon her father’s support for same-sex marriage.
“I’m doing this because I think that the time is now to do it,” Hemmer said. “I was not the impetus for him; he was the impetus for me. And I just want to make sure that people understand that. Having said that, he told me the other night, “I’ll support whatever you do.” He knows that it’s important. That’s the way I feel. It’s an opportunity for me to make a difference, and that’s what I hope to do.”
National
White House Correspondents’ Dinner rescheduled after shooting
‘We will not allow an act of violence to have the last word’
The White House Correspondents’ Association announced on Tuesday that it has rescheduled its annual dinner for July 24 after the April event was halted when gunshots rang out at the Washington Hilton.
Cole Allen, 31, is charged with the attempted assassination of President Trump, who was in the ballroom at the time of the incident. One Secret Service officer was wounded in the attack. Officers stopped Allen before he could enter the ballroom where 2,500 journalists and politicos were having dinner and waiting for Trump to speak. It was Trump’s first time attending as president.
“We will not allow an act of violence to have the last word, especially during a year when we are reflecting on the 250th anniversary of America and everything we stand for,” said WHCA President Weijia Jiang in a statement to members.
She did not announce further details, including venue and ticketing.
Washington Blade White House reporter Joe Reberkenny was in the audience when shots were fired and reported live on social media from the scene.
This post will be updated as more details are announced.
Federal Government
Advocates push back on proposed FCC warning labels
New rating system public notice seeking comments issued on April 22
The Federal Communications Commission is considering a new rating system that would require a warning label to appear before any television content that includes LGBTQ characters.
On April 22, the FCC issued a public notice asking Americans to submit comments on whether the TV Oversight Management Board should create new TV ratings to alert viewers to “transgender and gender nonbinary programming” and “the discussion or promotion of gender identity themes.”
This proposed warning would appear before content, similar to warnings that explain a program contains sexual content, drug use, or violence — categories that Congress explicitly included in the Telecommunications Act of 1996 on the grounds of obscenity and violence that some parents “believe is harmful to their children.”
The public notice says that “recently, parents have raised concerns that controversial gender identity issues are being included or promoted in children’s programs without providing any disclosure or transparency to parents.”
It goes on to say that not having a warning for trans and nonbinary people is “undermining the ability of parents to make informed choices for their families.”
LGBT Tech is an organization that works to provide LGBTQ representation in mainstream media or entertainment. The group notes 81 percent of trans respondents it surveyed said these representations had a positive impact on them discovering or learning about their identity.
“These numbers reflect a basic truth: for many people, and especially young people, seeing LGBTQ+ lives represented in ordinary media is not harmful. It is formative, affirming, and often lifesaving.”
Since the public notice’s publication, more than 40 organizations have come out against the proposed alert.
GLAAD President Sarah Kate Ellis issued a statement in May on the proposal, highlighting what she described as a concerted effort by the Trump-Vance administration to other trans and nonbinary people.
“The FCC does not set TV ratings, but under this administration the FCC has repeatedly tried to control what Americans can see on their own televisions. This government overreach is dangerous and a threat to our community and our democracy,” Ellis said.
“LGBTQ+ people and their families deserve to see their lives represented in the media they watch. And media companies must have the freedom to create programming that appeals to their viewers and subscribers without interference from a government pursuing its own anti-LGBTQ+ political agenda.”
Human Rights Campaign President Kelley Robinson pointed out that this is an act of politically motivated policy, not one based on any rhyme or reason.
“LGBTQ+ stories matter and deserve to be told, seen, and heard,” Robinson said. “The Trump administration does not get to use the FCC to try and erase us simply because they want to pretend to live in a world where we don’t exist. This is a brazen form of political interference that will hurt the ability of all people to appreciate, understand, and learn about the world and people around them.”
Brian Dittmeier, director of LGBTQI+ equality at the National Women’s Law Center Action Fund, echoed Robinson’s concerns that this is attempted censorship for the sake of political gain.
“The FCC is cloaking itself in purported concern for parents in an attempt to censor content, intimidate industry, and silence depictions of our trans siblings and neighbors,” Dittmeier wrote. “The FCC is overstepping its authority to undermine the existing ratings system, which is well understood by parents and enjoys broad public support. The FCC’s presumption that it knows better does not reflect parents’ priorities and reeks of government overreach.”
PFLAG National Vice President of Policy and Government Affairs Diego Sanchez said this is federal government overreach into censorship — something the First Amendment protects against.
“The FCC has given us yet another example of what ‘small government’ means: small enough to fit in your living room; to interrupt family movie night; small enough to make home feel unsafe,” Sanchez said. “Parents and families with transgender loved ones in particular know too well how big government actions impact their families directly, because they feel those impacts before everyone else.”
This proposed warning follows a slew of other federal actions targeting trans people in America, including Executive Order 14168, “Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government,” which mandated that only sex assigned at birth be used on federal government documents regardless of gender identity, as well as broad-based restrictions on gender-affirming care, particularly for trans minors.
National
Still marching: Rev. Troy Perry and the ongoing fight for liberation
MCC founder reflects on Pride’s beginning, ongoing power of radical representation
Long before tone-deaf Target swag and rainbow-scented hashtags lit up the very queer month of June, Rev. Troy Perry was helping the LGBTQ community create space where it did not yet exist, and he did so with little more than faith and perseverance. This Pride season, as communities around the world fight once again with rising attacks on LGBTQ rights and democratic freedoms, Perry returns to the movement he helped build for a conversation rooted not only in history but in survival. The unveiling of Steps to Liberation at Founders Metropolitan Community Church serves as an uplifting reminder that Pride is not just a parade but also serves as a commitment to continue to advocate for our community.
Joined by original rainbow flag co-creator Lynn Segerblom, Perry looks back on the legacy of the first Pride marches, the spiritual and political power of real representation, and why the rainbow flag still matters nearly fifty years after its creation. As Founders MCC transforms its front steps into a vibrant rainbow pathway, the symbolism feels especially timely — freedom is not a destination, it’s something communities continuously build together, step by step. In our interview, Perry speaks candidly on activism, faith, and his continued belief that even in difficult times, hope remains an unwavering act of resistance.
You’ve been at the forefront of LGBTQ history for decades. What does this moment, unveiling Steps to Liberation, mean for you? You’ve often spoken about visibility as an act of courage. Why is that still not only true but also essential today?
I will be 86 years old in another month. Not in the best of health and in a wheelchair, but still a LGBTQ activist at heart. I tell my husband, Phillip De Blieck, that I never thought I would live this long. He and I will be celebrating our 41st anniversary this year.
In the early days of our struggle for our liberation, I used to cut up and tell people there’s just nothing like a good demonstration to get my heart pumping. This is what I feel as we dedicate the Steps of Liberation! Another symbol of our freedom. We’re here, we’re queer, and we’re gonna fight to our last breath, to win all the rights that the colors on the steps represent.
When you think back to organizing the first Pride march in Los Angeles, what emotions or memories visit you?
Having the guts to follow through on our vow to hold a pride parade, no matter what! We did follow through and sued the city of Los Angeles for the right to hold that parade. We won! Thank God for the ACLU. The next thing I thought was, my God, look at all the people who have come out to be in the parade, and to watch it. I was also thankful that no one was hurt that day, and the pride I had of being a part of that demonstration.
How does this new installation reflect the spirit of those early days of activism?
The steps of liberation tell all who see it that we are still here and not afraid after 56 years have passed since our first Pride parade.
The theme of IDAHOBIT 2026 is “The Heart of Democracy.” In your view, how has the LGBTQ movement played its part in influencing our country’s democracy?
I think that most of us have played by the rules and use the cards dealt to us to make a difference in our democracy here in the USA. The LGBTQ community has changed so much in 56 years. Today, members of our community are serving in every political office in our country. We have gay and bisexual city council members, lesbian governors, and trans state legislators. We have a gay man who has run for president of the United States. The heart of democracy is a right given to all of us to work to change our country so that all of us are treated the same. Nothing more, nothing less!
You’ve often spoken about visibility as an act of courage. Why is that still not only true but also essential today?
I tell groups of young LGBTQ people to be yourself. Flaunt it! Coming out of the closet is the best thing you can do. Whether you come out fast or slow, just come out. If you are going to do it, now is the time. I am so proud of young people who are using the Internet, TikTok, and YouTube to make a difference for us. Your siblings are looking for you!
What do you hope someone feels the first time they walk up the Rainbow Steps?
God, does this feel good! Why didn’t I do this a long time ago?
How has faith intersected with activism in your life?
This is my testimony. Most of my relatives would tell you that I have been deeply spiritual all my life. I have had the opportunity to live a very interesting life. I started preaching when I was 13 years old. I was licensed to preach in the Southern Baptist church at age 15. I married heterosexually at age 18. I started pastoring my first church at age 19. I am the father of two children. I am a Vietnam-era veteran. I was divorced at age 26 and founded Metropolitan Community Church at age 28. I have been slapped in the face, spat on, had some people try to murder me, and cursed by some throughout my life, all because I dare call myself a clergyman as a gay man. Has it been worth it? Absolutely. I would not change my life for anything. I try to always keep my faith intact.
In moments when progress feels uncertain or under threat, what keeps your hopes up?
I have my husband, Phillip, and friends that I can talk to. I also have a favorite scripture that keeps me going: though God slay me, I will trust in God. Job 13:15
How do you see younger folks carrying forward the legacy you helped build?
Don’t give up the fight. Organize, organize, organize!
The launch of Flag50 looks ahead to the 50th anniversary of the rainbow flag. What do you think folks should be reflecting on as that milestone approaches?
I love the Pride flag! It gives us hope that there can be a tomorrow. I love the colors and what they represent. Hopefully, we will be able to teach this in our schools one day, along with the American flag and how each of those colors is meant to give us dignity, as well as hope.
How do art and public installations like this one shape cultural change in ways that perhaps policy can’t?
Laws are important because they protect us, but art touches the heart first. A public installation like the Steps of Liberation tells our story without anyone having to say a word. A young person can walk up those steps and realize they are not alone. Families can see our colors and remember that LGBTQ people are part of every community in America. Art creates visibility, and visibility changes hearts and minds. Sometimes culture changes before politics catches up. I believe symbols matter. The rainbow flag matters. These steps matter. They remind us that liberation is not just something you read about in history books. It is something we continue to live every day.
What threats facing our LGBTQ community today concern you more than others?
I worry when people try to erase us, especially our transgender brothers and sisters and LGBTQ young people. I have lived long enough to know that fear and hatred can grow when people stop seeing each other as human beings. We cannot go backward. I also worry when people become discouraged and think their voice no longer matters. That is exactly when we must organize, vote, speak out, and stand together. We have survived attacks before, and we will survive them again, but only if we refuse to be silent. Silence has never protected our community. Courage and love have.
What does it mean to you to take that next step, and how would you advise our readers to take it?
Every generation has its own next step to take. For some, it means coming out. For others, it means speaking up when someone is being mistreated. It may mean marching, voting, creating art, serving your community, or simply learning to love yourself exactly as God made you. The important thing is not to stand still. Keep moving forward. Keep believing that change is possible. I have spent my whole life taking one step after another with people who dreamed of a better world. My advice is simple: do not wait for someone else to do the work. Take the next step yourself, and bring somebody with you.
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