Living
Coming to Washington
Showdown at the Supreme Court draws supporters, opponents from all over the U.S.
Amy Crampton and Tonya Agnew of Lafayette, Ind., plan to marry outside the U.S. Supreme Court on March 26. (Photo courtesy of Tonya Agnew)
Lafayette, Ind., residents Tonya Agnew and Amy Crampton plan to travel to Washington this weekend ahead of the U.S. Supreme Court’s oral arguments in the two cases that challenge the constitutionality of California’s Proposition 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act.
The couple’s 9-year-old son Leo is what Agnew describes as a “history buff.” But she and her partner of nearly 15 years have another thing on their agenda while in the nation’s capital.
“We thought it would be an amazing experience for him and for us to be part of history and see what’s happening and just be part of the vibe in town,” Agnew says. “Our next thought was kind of like, ‘Oh well we should totally get married while we’re there.’”
Agnew and Crampton plan to exchange vows at the Supreme Court on Tuesday against the backdrop of a rally in support of marriage rights for same-sex couples that is expected to draw thousands. Opponents of nuptials for gays and lesbians on the same day are scheduled to march to the court as the justices begin to hold oral arguments on the Prop 8 case.
Same-sex marriage supporters are expected to once again gather outside the court on Wednesday before oral arguments in the case that challenges DOMA.
“I’m cautiously optimistic,” Agnew says. “[I’m] really just mostly excited to be there and the fact that they’re even hearing them to begin with is just incredible.”
Marriage Equality USA Board President Cathy Marino-Thomas plans to travel from New York to D.C. on Monday with her wife Sheila, their 13-year-old daughter Jackie and other same-sex marriage advocates.
She was among those who spearheaded the years-long campaign for nuptials for gays and lesbians in New York that culminated in 2011 with Gov. Andrew Cuomo signing the same-sex marriage bill the state Senate narrowly approved into law.
Marino-Thomas says from her Manhattan office she has a “really, really positive feeling about this.”
“In the beginning it was just a small group of LGBT people who believed in the right to marry,” she says. “We graduated and more of our community believed in it. Then as time went on we started to gather straight supporters and then we started to gather politicians — Democrats, and the next step was we started to get some Republican support. Now we’re reading about the conservative argument for marriage equality and somebody like Ted Olson is leading the charge on one of the marriage cases. People are coming out for marriage left and right.”
Caleb-Michael Files, a junior at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, was in D.C. when the Supreme Court heard oral arguments in the case that challenged President Obama’s health care reform law. He was also here last June when the justices issued their 5-4 ruling that narrowly upheld it.
The Knob Noster, Mo., native, who says his family did not accept him growing up because of his sexual orientation, plans to return to D.C. in time for the oral arguments in the Prop 8 case.
“These are important milestones that we have to be present for and understand what’s going on,” Files says.
Rallies, vigils planned across the country
The two rallies outside the Supreme Court are among the more than 170 events scheduled to take place across the country to coincide with the oral arguments.
The School Without Walls GSA in D.C. will hold a candlelight vigil and rally in front of the Supreme Court on Monday. Retired New Hampshire Bishop V. Gene Robinson is among those scheduled to attend an inter-faith service at the Lutheran Church of the Reformation on Capitol Hill on Tuesday.
Other gatherings are scheduled to take place in Cumberland, Md.; Richmond, Va.; and Keyser, W.Va.
Up to 30 people are expected to attend a candlelight vigil on the beach in Gulfport, Miss., on Tuesday.
Leiana Wortel, who tried to apply for a marriage license with her partner and four other same-sex couples in Hattiesburg, Miss., in January as part of the Campaign for Southern Equality’s efforts to highlight the lack of marriage rights for gays and lesbians in the South, decided to organize the event after she learned about other gatherings around the upcoming oral arguments in the DOMA and Prop 8 cases.
“We just thought it would be nice to do something on the coast to get more of the local LGBT community involved and start some conversation here,” Wortel says.
An estimated 500 people are expected to attend a rally in support of marriage rights for same-sex couples at Federal Plaza in downtown Chicago on Monday.
Local LGBT rights advocate Richard Streetman expects the gathering could draw even more people if the Illinois House of Representatives this week approves a bill that would allow gays and lesbians to tie the knot in the state.
“Throughout the history of LGBT Americans, we have gathered in Washington, D.C., to petition our government,” he says. “There are times where that’s necessary. There are times when people should be working in their home communities.”
Advocates remain cautiously optimistic
Nine states and D.C. currently allow same-sex marriage.
A Rhode Island Senate committee on Thursday will hold a hearing on a bill that would allow gays and lesbians to marry in the Ocean State. Lawmakers in Delaware, Minnesota and New Jersey in the coming weeks and months are expected to consider measures that would extend marriage rights to same-sex couples.
Illinois Gov. Pat Quinn has said he will sign a same-sex marriage bill into law, but Streetman pointed out DOMA will remain on the books even if gays and lesbians can marry in the state.
“People in Illinois are excited,” he says about the outcome of the DOMA and Prop 8 cases. “Some people have unrealistic expectations of states giving us our state rights. It is almost symbolic until you deal with DOMA.”
Mississippi and Missouri are among the 31 states that have constitutionally banned same-sex marriage.
Wortel says a lot of people with whom she speaks “are optimistic” the justices will find Prop 8 and DOMA unconstitutional. She remains less hopeful about the prospect of nuptials for gays and lesbians in the Magnolia State.
“People are not as optimistic of what the outcome will necessarily be in Mississippi,” Wortel says.
Files notes questions over the future of Missouri’s constitutional ban on same-sex marriage if the justices strike down DOMA persist — Republicans control both chambers of the state Legislature, but a civil unions bill could be introduced once the Supreme Court rules on Prop 8 and DOMA.
“After the Affordable Health Care ruling, I think people are optimistic that there’s been a turning tide with the Supreme Court,” Files says. “These kinds of social and health care issues are issues we’re moving a little bit to the left on.”
Indiana lawmakers last month postponed a debate on a proposed constitutional amendment that would ban same-sex marriage until the outcome of the DOMA and Prop 8 cases is clear.
Agnew said she hopes they “really squash the current efforts underway” to amend the state constitution.
“That was exciting for us,” she says of the delayed debate in Indianapolis. “We’re hoping that it will be a positive outcome and will really trickle down to everyone — all of us out here in the Midwest and elsewhere.”
Hi Michael,
When is it worth stopping being friends with someone, or more than one person?
Lately I feel like my friends aren’t being very nice to me. In fact it reminds me of high school, and junior high school, when I was being bullied.
I’m not the most attractive in the group, I know that. They are always ribbing me about not working out enough or that I should get a hair transplant (I am balding) or making fun of the way I dress. I am not that stylish, I just don’t have a good sense for clothes. I thought about asking for some advice but I worry that would just lead to more mocking.
That I am not having as much sex as they are—it’s actually my preference, but of course I get comments about not being able to get someone to hook up with because of my appearance, clothes, low-key personality etc.
As I’m writing this I could go on and on. I think I’ve just tried laughing with them or ignoring it, but it does really get to me.
There’s a standard in this town that I know I don’t fit. Great body, handsome face, overall hot, witty and sarcastic sense of humor, make a lot of money in some impressive job. I am sure you know the type I am describing.
Some of the things I can’t help (appearance), some I don’t really want to fix (hooking up a lot). My brother died of an overdose so I don’t use drugs or alcohol, which, no surprise, evokes more judgment.
My job is my job, I like it a lot and it is meaningful to me but I’m never going to be rich.
The problem with that is, all my friends like to take a lot of expensive vacations. I can go on some but not on all. When we go I am watching my expenses, which provokes more judgment and jokes, always delivered as if they are “kidding” but it hurts.
I started off by saying I feel like I’m back to being a bullied kid. You know, laugh it off so that they don’t see you crying. But it doesn’t feel like I am respecting myself when I do that.
If I speak up and ask them to stop, I just get more jokes. I am NOT taken seriously.
The idea of walking away is scary, though. Who else would I have to spend my weekends with? I am afraid of being lonely.
I could write more but I think I’m conveying why I am feeling pretty hopeless about these friendships.
Michael replies:
I think it’s a bad idea to spend time with people who are mean or abusive toward you.
But before you walk away from your friend group, do you think it’s worth talking to them, individually, or as a group? In a serious way, without joking, laughing, or minimizing your pain so as not to make them uncomfortable.
Their behavior sounds very junior high school, but they are adults. Telling them how their behavior affects you might lead them to confront themselves, but it might not.
You didn’t write anything about what you actually like about these friends. Is it just that they allow you to spend time with them? Or do they have some good qualities? Getting clear about this would help you figure out if you want to push for change here.
I know what you mean about “the standard” in D.C. (and very likely in other locations). I hear from clients over and over about the hierarchy of attractiveness and success. When people don’t feel they measure up, it is easy to feel less-than, and invisible.
There are lots of reasons why gay men can be mean to other gay men. (Of course, everyone can be mean, and for all sorts of reasons). One biggie: it’s nice to feel like part of the in-crowd, after growing up feeling like an outcast. But this means establishing a pecking order so that there are others to look down on and exclude. It’s understandable, all too common, and unkind.
It’s also true that the heterosexual world tends to value beauty in women and financial success in men. Gay men hit themselves with a double whammy, glorifying both.
Still, you’re not going to single-handedly change the problematic aspects of gay culture. You may be able to influence some of your friends, however. That remains to be seen, and would take some courage on your part if you want to tackle that.
It does sound like it’s time for you to make some new friends. This may seem even more scary than speaking up to the friends you have, but it also might give you a sense that you are taking control of your life.
True, in D.C. (and elsewhere), there are a lot of gay men focused on the attributes you say you lack. But “the scene” is not the only game in town. There also have to be a good number of guys out there who are looking for other qualities that you may possess, and that you may also admire in others. These are the people for you to find and befriend.
I can’t tell you exactly how to go about that. You’re going to have to be creative and try some new things. Activity groups, hobbies that involve other people, sports. You never know whom you might meet, where. Don’t forget that you might enjoy meeting and hanging out with people who aren’t gay, as well.
You didn’t mention anything about looking for love in your life. Maybe that’s not your interest; maybe you don’t feel like adequate partner material (if so, I hope you will work to challenge that belief); or maybe you’re doing just fine in that area. I don’t know. But if you would like to find a good guy, I hope that widening your field will help.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Real Estate
With gas prices soaring again, a staycation is a good plan
Home can be your personal retreat and your own private resort
When airfare costs more than your monthly utility bill and a weekend road trip requires a second mortgage just to fill the gas tank, many homeowners are discovering an unexpected luxury: the staycation.
A staycation isn’t settling for less—it’s reaping the benefits of one of the biggest investments you can make: your home. Much more than a place to sleep, it’s your personal retreat, your gathering place and, with a little preparation, your very own private resort.
Whether you own a single-family home, a townhouse, or a condo, creating a memorable staycation starts with appreciating what made you fall in love with your property in the first place.
Start with a home refresh. Think about checking into a beautiful vacation rental. It’s spotless, organized, and inviting. You can recreate that same feeling by spending a day preparing your home before your staycation officially begins.
Clear away clutter, deep clean the bathrooms and kitchen, wash the windows, and put fresh linens on every bed – even if you’re not expecting guests. Fluff the pillows, light a favorite candle, and place fresh flowers on the table. These small touches instantly make your home feel more luxurious.
If your budget allows, hiring a professional cleaning service can be one of the best staycation perquisites you make. After all, vacation should begin the moment you wake up and not after you’ve spent the day scrubbing floors.
Treat your staycation like a real trip. Set away messages on your phone and out of office notices on your email. Skip unnecessary chores for a few days. Giving yourself permission to relax may be the most valuable part of the entire experience.
One of the greatest advantages homeowners have over travelers is private outdoor living space. Whether it’s a spacious backyard, a screened porch, a rooftop terrace, or a cozy condo balcony, these areas can become the centerpiece of your staycation.
Stringing lights and adding comfortable seating, colorful planters, and outdoor rugs can completely transform the atmosphere without spending thousands of dollars. Add a portable fire pit, a tabletop fountain, or a hammock, and suddenly your backyard starts competing with many resorts.
Host an evening cookout, organize a game night, invite neighbors over for dessert, or gather around the fire pit for conversation after sunset. These simple moments often become the memories we treasure most.
Inside, transform your family room into a home theater complete with popcorn and comfortable blankets. Turn your breakfast room into a morning coffee café. Designate a quiet reading corner where phones are prohibited. Create a spa-like bathroom with plush towels, candles, bath salts, and relaxing music.
One of the highlights of traveling is experiencing new food. Instead of dining out every night, create themed dinners inspired by your favorite destinations. Prepare homemade Italian pasta one evening, Caribbean grilled seafood another, or a backyard Texas barbecue over the weekend. For a touch of whimsy, dress the part.
Pair each meal with music and libations from the region and enjoy dinner outdoors whenever possible. Suddenly, your dining room becomes part of the vacation experience instead of just another place to eat.
Families with children can turn a staycation into an adventure by seeing their home through a child’s eyes. Set up a backyard camping experience with a tent, flashlights, and s’mores around the fire pit. Transform the living room into an indoor campground complete with sleeping bags and a movie under a blanket “fort.” Organize a backyard Olympics with relay races, water balloon tosses, scavenger hunts, or miniature golf using household items.
Encourage children to plan a family picnic in the backyard or on the patio, choose a theme for a movie marathon, or help prepare meals inspired by countries they’d like to visit someday. The goal is to create experiences your children will remember long after summer is over.
Enjoy the amenities you already pay for. Condominium communities and many planned neighborhoods offer amenities that residents often overlook.
Swimming pools, fitness centers, tennis and pickleball courts, walking trails, clubhouses, grilling stations, and community gardens are designed to enhance your lifestyle. During your staycation, make a point of exploring everything your community offers. You may discover you’ve been living beside your own private resort all along.
Real estate professionals often talk about resale value, appreciation, and return on investment. While those things certainly matter, there’s another return that’s harder to measure: the enjoyment you get from living in your home every day.
You don’t need a boarding pass to recharge. You don’t need a hotel reservation to make memories. Sometimes the perfect getaway is the one you already own.
Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her at [email protected] or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.
The latest Honda Civic hatchback and Subaru Impreza are two of the segment’s stars. Both offer sensible pricing, excellent utility and enough personality to avoid feeling like appliances.
The Civic is more polished. The Impreza, more rugged. Luckily, neither is trying to be obnoxiously flashy.
HONDA CIVIC
$28,000
MPG: 30 city/38 highway
0 to 60 mph: 8.9 seconds
Cargo space: 24.5 cu. ft.
PROS: Fuel efficient. Spacious cargo area. Good resale value.
CONS: No all-wheel drive. Fussy infotainment. Low rear headroom.
WHAT’S NEW: Only minor updates for 2026. The biggest change carries over from last year’s refresh: the addition of the hybrid, which has become a star performer.
The Honda Civic hatchback won’t scream for attention. It won’t arrive wearing sequins and carrying a smoke machine. It’s more like Nomi Marks from “Sense8”: intelligent, sophisticated and impressively capable.
The styling remains handsome and clean. Long hood. Low roofline. Crisp lines everywhere.Honda resisted the urge to make this vehicle look like a spaceship or an angry robot. That’s refreshing.
Inside, the dashboard is simple and elegant. The honeycomb air-vent treatment remains one of the coolest interior details in the segment. Materials feel expensive. Controls are easy to understand. And visibility is excellent.
I love how the cargo space is generous, with rear seats that fold flat. A bicycle, several suitcases or enough supplies for an ambitious weekend road trip fit without much hassle.
Then there’s the hybrid. The system produces a healthy amount of power while delivering fuel economy that borders on the absurd. Around town, handling feels smooth, quiet and surprisingly quick. You almost glide through traffic. The standard gasoline engine isn’t bad, but the hybrid is stellar.
The Civic also shines on twisty roads. Steering is precise. Body motions stay controlled. The suspension strikes a sweet balance between comfort and sportiness.
Biggest weakness? No all-wheel drive. For drivers in snowy climates, that’s not so good.
Still, the Civic’s stellar combination of efficiency, quality, and driving enjoyment remains incredibly hard to beat.
SUBARU IMPREZA
$27,000
MPG: 27 city/33 highway
0 to 60 mph: 8.5 seconds
Cargo space: 20.4 cubic feet
PROS: All-wheel drive. User-friendly tech. Safety cred.
CONS: No hybrid version. Some road noise. Modest cargo room.
WHAT’S NEW: The Impreza receives relatively minor updates for 2026. Subaru continues refining this hatchback rather than reinventing it.
If the Honda Civic is urbane, the Subaru Impreza is unfussy. There’s a kind of Kristen Stewart energy here. Cool without trying too hard.
The styling isn’t dramatic, but it works. This hauler appears ready to tackle rain, snow, dirt roads or an impromptu weekend escape.
And all-wheel drive comes standard on every Impreza. (Most competitors only offer front-wheel drive or include all-wheel drive as a pricey option.)
The result: Slippery roads simply don’t create much anxiety. The suspension absorbs bumps nicely. Long trips are comfortable. Visibility is great, thanks to relatively thin roof pillars and large windows.
I like how the cabin is functional rather than fancy. Materials don’t quite match the Civic’s upscale vibe, but everything feels sturdy. A large infotainment screen dominates the dashboard and generally works well, though some drivers may prefer more physical buttons.
Cargo space is respectable, and the design makes loading bulky items easy.
Performance depends heavily on trim. The base engine gets the job done, but nobody will confuse it for a sports car. The RS trim’s larger engine provides more power and makes the ride livelier. But even then, acceleration remains merely adequate.
The Impreza’s real appeal lies elsewhere, with a mix that few rivals can match: hatchback practicality, standard all-wheel drive, strong safety scores and reasonable pricing.
Perhaps that’s the key difference between these two hatchbacks. The Honda Civic impresses immediately. The Subaru Impreza grows on you.
Fortunately, choosing between them is less stressful than deciding who gets the last mimosa at brunch.
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Calendar: August 7-13
