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Queery: Brian Walker

The Frederick Pride organizer answers 20 gay questions

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Frederick, Maryland, Queery, Brian Walker, Gay News, Washington Blade
Frederick, Maryland, Queery, Brian Walker, Gay News, Washington Blade

Frederick, Md. resident, Brian Walker. (Washington Blade photo by Joey DiGuglielmo)

In terms of gay life, Frederick, Md., is a bit of a limbo spot.

Yet there are still gay needs there, a point Brian Walker began to realize about a year-and-a-half ago. The 50-year-old East Lyme, Conn., resident, who came to Frederick in 1999 for a former job, had worked with an LGBT youth group in the ‘90s but stepped away from that kind of volunteer work for several years. But last year when he heard about a local gay youth being bullied at a Frederick high school, he decided the town needed some resources.

He and three other concerned adults in February 2012 formed The Frederick Center (thefrederickcenter.org). Last June, the first Frederick Pride event was held. The second is Saturday from noon to 6 p.m. at Utica Park (10200-B Old Frederick Road). The Center — using various spaces — also holds a weekly Wednesday night youth group at Kemp Hall at 7 p.m. featuring various speakers and topics. About 20 youth show up each week. Last year’s Pride drew about 300.

“Frederick is the kind of town where gay people here don’t really socialize here,” Walker says. “Baltimore and Washington are close enough that people can do most of their socializing there while the farther west you go, then you find some more options but not so much in Frederick itself. That’s fine for the adults, but with the LGBTQ youth, there was still a need.”

Walker is a former IT specialist who now sells antiques. He and husband Gerard Clifford, an employee of the federal government, met in 1998 and got married in 2010 in Washington.

He enjoys gardening, biking and taking day trips in his free time.

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell? 

Twenty years, publicly out for 15 years. Hardest person to tell was my oldest brother and his wife, who apparently didn’t have a clue. Now that I’m married, it is so easy in conversations just to mention my husband, no drama.

Who’s your LGBT hero?

Dr. Lois Jarman. She started the Frederick PFLAG chapter as an ally before LGBTQ was generally accepted in this area. Figure if she can stand up for equality, those of us in the community can certainly do so. I carry her matter-of-fact, “this-is-what-we-are-going-to-do” attitude in all my life’s work.

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present? 

Don’t go out in D.C. much, but my favorite night out in Frederick is to see the Comedy Pigs improv group.

Describe your dream wedding.

Personal and intimate, which ours was, with just a few close friends at the D.C. courthouse. No stressing about an upcoming reception or lodging arrangements for family. We then had quality time to celebrate with pockets of family and friends across the country.

What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?

Preservation of open public space. It needs to be there in a thousand years.

What historical outcome would you change?

I would have kept the Titanic afloat. Entirely too much has been made of that tragedy.

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

When Ellen came out on TV.  It was memorable because by the time she actually did it, it wasn’t earth shattering. It was the beginning of the “so-what’s-the-big-deal” culture.

On what do you insist?

That the truth be told. Not what someone wants to hear, not what sounds logical but has not been proven, not a simplified version that loses meaning, not a flagrant lie meant to bring fear or money to the surface. I have been skeptical of facts ever since a college marketing class made me aware of how much people in our society are manipulated.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

A listing of speakers and entertainment for Frederick Pride. My last personal post was a picture of the beautiful hydrangea in bloom just outside the kitchen sink window, a reminder that sometimes it takes years before efforts show.

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“Full Speed Forward, Captain, and Don’t Look Back”

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

Use the magic ray on a few bigoted loudmouth public bullies.

What do you believe in beyond the physical world? 

Nothing, I’m a realist.

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Keep the focus on equality, and the majority of America will eventually get it. And those that don’t eventually die. Only respond to growing opposition momentum, not individuals or single events.

What would you walk across hot coals for?

To help a high school student who just became homeless after coming out to parents.  Adults know how to cope with adversity, most youth don’t.

What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?

Stereotypes are made to simplify a rainbow world; they all annoy me.

What’s your favorite LGBT movie?

“Latter Days.” It has everything: coming out struggles, love, situational comedy, original music, quirkiness and a happy ending.

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Doing something because it is a tradition.  The traditional way is rarely the best option, and many times is used to preserve a power structure.

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

Blue ribbon for best tomato at the Frederick County Fair.

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

As an adult you get to choose who to allow into your life. Besides family, you have complete control over whom you socially interact with. Jettison negativity, surround yourself with empowering and driven individuals. Accept family members for who they are, do not allow them to define yourself by their actions.

Why Frederick?

We love the rural open space and we have all these fruit trees.

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Real Estate

The rise of virtual home tours

Adapting to changing consumer preferences in spring real estate

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Looking for a home? Virtual tours hold special benefits for queer buyers.

In today’s dynamic real estate market, the spring season brings not only blooming flowers but also a surge of activity as buyers and sellers alike prepare to make their moves. However, in recent years, there’s been a notable shift in how consumers prefer to explore potential homes: the rise of virtual tours. 

For the LGBTQ community, these virtual experiences offer more than just convenience; they provide accessibility, safety, and inclusivity in the home buying process. 

Gone are the days of spending weekends driving from one open house to another – unless that’s your thing of course, only to find that the property doesn’t quite match expectations. With virtual tours, you can explore every corner of a home from the comfort of your own space – find something interesting? Schedule a showing with any LGBTQ Realtor at GayRealEstate.com.

This is particularly significant for LGBTQ individuals, who may face unique challenges or concerns when attending in-person showings. Whether it’s the ability to discreetly view properties without fear of discrimination or the convenience of touring homes located in LGBTQ-friendly neighborhoods across the country, virtual tours offer a sense of empowerment and control in the home buying process.

Moreover, virtual tours cater to the diverse needs of the LGBTQ community. For couples or families with busy schedules or those living in different cities or states, these digital walkthroughs provide a convenient way to view properties together without the need for extensive travel. Additionally, for individuals who may be exploring their gender identity or transitioning, virtual tours offer a low-pressure environment to explore potential living spaces without the added stress of in-person interactions.

At GayRealEstate.com, we understand the importance of adapting to changing consumer preferences and leveraging technology to better serve our community. That’s why our agents offer an extensive selection of virtual tours for LGBTQ individuals and allies alike – visit our website, choose an agent and within minutes you’ll have access to the Multiple Listing Service (MLS) via their website.

From cozy condominiums in bustling urban centers to sprawling estates in picturesque suburbs, virtual tours showcase a wide range of properties tailored to diverse tastes and lifestyles.

In addition to virtual tours, GayRealEstate.com provides comprehensive resources and support to guide LGBTQ buyers and sellers through every step of the real estate journey. Our network of LGBTQ-friendly agents is committed to providing personalized service, advocacy, and representation to ensure that all individuals feel respected, valued, and empowered throughout the process. Plus, we are happy to provide a free relocation kit to any city in the USA or Canada if you are a home buyer.

As we embrace the spring season and all the opportunities it brings in the real estate market, let’s also celebrate the power of virtual tours to revolutionize the way we find and experience our future homes. Whether you’re searching for your first apartment, forever home, or investment property, GayRealEstate.com is here to help you navigate the exciting world of real estate with confidence, pride, and inclusivity.

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].

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Advice

Should I divorce my husband for the hot new guy in our building?

Debating whether to leave or stay after the sex goes cold

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Dear Michael,

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and the sex is pretty much gone. It stopped being exciting a long time ago and pretty much the only time we ever do it is with the occasional third.

A really hot guy moved into our building about a year ago. We would see each other sometimes in the elevator or at our building’s gym and we started talking and really hit it off. Mark is 15 years younger than I but we seem to have a lot in common. We started hooking up and the sex is amazing.

I haven’t told my husband because it’s breaking our rule about no repeats. I have to say that the secrecy is hot. It’s kind of a thrill to take the elevator upstairs when I say I’m going on an errand. But it’s more than that. I have a connection with Mark that is far more amazing than what I have ever felt with my husband. Not just the sex. We just enjoy being together, talking about anything and everything.

My husband went to visit his family last weekend and I spent the whole time with Mark. Since then I can’t stop thinking that I want to leave my husband and be with Mark.

Part of me thinks this is a crazy mid-life crisis. I mean, this kid’s in a totally different place in life. But we have mind-blowing sex and a fantastic connection. I’d like your thoughts on how to proceed.

Michael replies: 

You’ve got a lot to consider.

First: Sex with a long-term partner changes over time. It tends to be less about erotic heat and more about the connection with a person whom you love. In other words, it’s being with the person you’re with that makes the sex meaningful and even great. Having a good sexual relationship with a long-term partner comes far more from a heart connection than from a crotch attachment.  

Second: You seem ready to throw your relationship under the bus pretty quickly, without addressing other problems in the relationship besides sex. When you are sneaking around, lying, and rule-breaking , I don’t see how you can look your husband in the eye; and if you can’t look him in the eye, you certainly can’t have even a half-way decent relationship.

Yet another point to consider: Affairs pretty much always seem more exciting than marriage. The partner is new, which almost automatically makes the sex hotter; the secrecy is a thrill; and you don’t have to deal with paying the rent, house chores, and all the petty annoyances of living up-close with someone day-in, day-out.  

You are bringing lots of energy to your affair, and everything about it is exciting. You are bringing no energy — at least no positive energy — to your marriage. You get what you put into a relationship.

Divorce is not something that should be entered into lightly. Be aware that if you leave your husband for Mark, you will no doubt find over time that the sex becomes less exciting and that the connection is not always fantastic. No surprise, 75 percent of marriages that begin with affair partners end in divorce. While I don’t think statistics predict what will happen to any particular couple, believing that you will have a significantly better relationship with your affair partner than you did with your husband sets you up for likely disappointment.

Many gay men focus on “hot sex” as the big draw, pursuing a lot of sex with a lot of men, and/or pursuing an ongoing series of relationships that last until the sex cools. If that’s what you want, that’s fine. But it’s a different path from pursuing a close and loving long-term relationship, which involves knowing someone well and having him know you well; collaborating on getting through the hard stuff life throws at us; finding ways to make peace with disappointment; and consistently striving to be someone worth being married to. 

How to proceed? While you are the only person who should make that decision, I would suggest that whatever your choice, keep in mind that marriage can be more than what you’ve made of it, so far.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Autos

Sport haulers: Jeep Grand Cherokee, Mercedes GLE-Class

Updated cabins, adept handling, and more

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Jeep Grand Cherokee

Now that March Madness and the Masters are over, it’s time for, well, everything else. For my husband and me, this means water sports, as in kayaks and rowing sculls, which is why we trekked to the Potomac for the George Washington Invitational regatta last weekend. 

Alas, high winds splashed cold water on the event, canceling much of it. But there was still plenty of spirited camaraderie to rival “The Boys in the Boat.” 

And I was reminded of my time years ago as a rower with D.C. Strokes, ferrying teammates to races up and down the East Coast. Back then my ride was a dated, rather cramped four-door sedan. 

If only we could have paddled around in a sporty SUV like the two reviewed here. Now that would have been some smooth sailing (wink-wink). 

JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE 

$40,000

MPG: 19 city/26 highway

0 to 60 mph: 7.5 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 37.7 cu. ft. 

PROS: Updated cabin, adept handling, strong towing 

CONS: So-so gas mileage, no third row, pricey trim levels

IN A NUTSHELL: Rough, tough and buff. It’s doesn’t get much more butch than a Jeep. This year’s Grand Cherokee is no exception, with rugged looks, expert off-road capability and better-than-average towing capacity of 6,200 pounds. 

There are a dizzying number of trim levels—more than a dozen—starting with the barebones base-model Laredo at an affordable $40,000. The lineup tops out with the Summit Reserve 4xe PHEV, which is almost twice the price at $76,000 and one of various plug-in hybrid versions available. Those plug-in hybrids can drive up to 25 miles on all-electric power before the four-cylinder gas engine kicks in. Otherwise, you can choose from a standard V6 or V8. Gas mileage on all trim levels is basically the same as the competition. 

Where the Grand Cherokee really shines is in the handling. More refined than a Wrangler but less lavish than a Land Rover, this Jeep maneuvers just as well on city streets and highways as it does on bumpier terrain.    

I tested the mid-range and mid-priced Overland, which comes standard with four-wheel drive and large 20-inch wheels. It also boasts a slew of niceties, such as quilted upholstery, panoramic sunroof and high-tech digital displays. These include a 10.25-inch infotainment touchscreen and rear-seat entertainment system. 

The nine-speaker Alpine stereo, designed specifically for the Grand Cherokee, is pleasing. But I really wanted to hear the boffo 19-speaker McIntosh surround-sound system that Jeep also offers. Sigh, it’s only available on the premium Summit trim level. 

MERCEDES GLE-CLASS

$64,000 

MPG: 20 city/25 highway

0 to 60 mph: 6.6 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 33.3 cu. ft. 

PROS: Lush interior, silky-smooth suspension, speedy 

CONS: Some confusing electronics, tight third row, many competitors

IN A NUTSHELL: For a more high-class hauler, there’s the Mercedes GLE-Class. This midsize SUV is similar in size to the Jeep Grand Cherokee. But instead of seating five passengers, the GLE can carry up to seven. Sure, legroom in the optional third row may be tight for taller travelers, but it’s perfect for a cocky cockswain or two. 

Six trim levels, ranging from the base-model GLE 350 to two high-performance AMG models. For eco-conscious buyers, the GLE 450e plug-in hybrid arrived earlier this year and can run on battery power alone for almost 60 miles. 

My test car was the top-of-the-line AMG 63 S 4Matic, a head-turner in every way. Priced at a whopping $127,000, this GLE looks best in glossy black with the Night Package, which includes tasteful jet-black exterior accents and matte-black wheels. To complete the Darth Vader effect, there’s a deep, menacing exhaust rumble that’s downright threatening.

You expect such a ride to be wicked fast, and it is: 0 to 60 mph in a blistering 3.7 seconds. Yet the carbon ceramic brakes with their devil-red calipers are equally impressive in slowing things down quickly. 

Inside, each GLE comes with two large digital displays on the elegantly sculpted dashboard. My favorite feature is the “Hey Mercedes” digital assistant, which responds to voice commands such as opening or closing the sunroof, operating the infotainment system or activating the climate controls. 

It’s hard to find sport seats that are more comfortable, especially with the heavenly massage function (though those massage controls could be a bit more user-friendly.) For AMG models, the seats come with red-contrasting stitching and red seatbelts—a nod to the devilish demeanor under the hood.

Considering all the SUVs available in showrooms, few make quite the splash of a GLE.

Mercedes GLE-Class
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