August 22, 2013 | by Peter Rosenstein
What has marriage equality wrought?

You have to see the humor in certain consequences of marriage equality leading some to ask, “What have we wrought?” Having been in the forefront of the winning marriage equality fight in D.C. and a fighter for LGBT rights I see the humor in our victories.

Might we have lost forever those idyllic times when being gay meant you could live happily ever-after without a wedding ring or children. When you could be uncle or auntie to your siblings’ or friends’ kids, spoil them rotten, and then return to the peace and quiet of your own home when you got tired of them. I’m thinking the situations coming out of all this would make a great Broadway play. Something titled, “Now We’re Just Like You, Oyveh!” it could be a musical.

Gone are the days when being selfish about time and space were not something to feel bad about. The times you could kick that trick out anytime you liked. The days you told your trick you had a 6 a.m. flight, even though the airport didn’t open till seven, so they weren’t upset when you asked them to leave early because you needed your beauty sleep.

Remember when being gay meant we didn’t have to deal with parents asking when we were finally going to get married and give them grandkids. Today with marriage equality victories, Jewish mothers have started calling their gay sons with the same questions they used to only ask their daughters.

Recently a friend told me he was going to break up with his boyfriend unless the guy was willing to make a commitment. I asked what commitment?  Do you want a promise of monogamy? He said no — he wanted a ring on his finger and if the prick didn’t offer marriage soon he would break up with him. I thought, “Wow, the world is upside down.” Straight couples are putting off marriage for years and the LGBT community is rushing into it with the young often not having any real idea of the possible consequences.

With so many law school graduates out of work, marriage equality could offer a new and lucrative practice area — a whole new set of couples looking to get pre- and post-nups. Then will come the divorces, which could be really interesting with fights not only over the kids but so much more.

Just imagine the scene in the lawyer’s office. The couple is sitting on opposite sides of the table fighting over visitation rights and who will pay the debts incurred during the marriage. “I am not paying for any of those Jimmy Choo’s you charged.” The female legal assistant in the room says, “I didn’t think Jimmy Choo made shoes for men.” To which the couple jointly responds, “He doesn’t.”

Some straight comics used to joke about marriage equality saying, “We support marriage equality because you should all suffer just like we do” and the LGBT community laughed. Today some are finding that a little less funny.

We have situations where couples got married in states that legalized gay marriage but now live in a state in which their marriage isn’t recognized. That makes divorce more difficult and some just give up and live their lives as single again. That can lead to its own strange situations. Mom calls and says, “Honey is your husband coming to Thanksgiving dinner with you?” “No mom, we aren’t living together anymore but I am bringing Barry.” “Who’s Barry?” ”Oh he’s the guy I am living with here in Virginia. My husband is living in Ohio with Brad and he’s bringing him home to meet his mother.”

There are days when it seems half my gay friends are rushing to the altar judging by their announced relationship changes on Facebook. Pictures of their kids are now competing on Facebook with those of their animals and that sandwich they had for lunch while my straight friends are living as some mothers would say, “in sin.”

I’m still fighting for marriage equality as a universal right but we really need to keep our sense of humor over some of the consequences.

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