Living

‘This is my family’

Partners of 39 years turn new page after surviving homelessness, alcoholism

Published

14 years ago

February 10, 2011

Terry Ward, 66, seated, and Bob Cyrus, 60, are celebrating this Valentine’s Day in a new home after an adventurous 39 years together. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Terry Ward, 66, and Bob Cyrus, 60, have been a couple for 39 years and like a comedy team from old-style vaudeville, each is a straight man to the other, setting each other up for one-liners, often in politically incorrect terms.

They nudge each other with constant ribbing, affectionately but sometimes there’s also a dab of vinegar with the sugar, as when Ward calls Cyrus “a whore,” even as they each tumble into well-practiced personality pratfalls.

Each can finish the other’s sentences and their patter can be hard to follow, unless you hear the inner nuance, which always seems to turn on being each other’s eternal best friend.

Until two weeks ago, they were homeless and living in a shelter. And for years they were hopelessly alcoholic, yet still they clung to each other for love and support.

One is largely deaf, the other is blind in one eye. They are real characters, scarred by life’s twists and turns yet they’re still able to find the fun in their life together even if they have to create it themselves. Ward, blind in his right eye since a stroke last year, says, “We’re never bored — he can’t hear and I’m blind and I’ll hide his hearing aid and he’ll hide my teeth.”

And on April 1 — yes, on April Fools, for they seem to delight in having fun with every part of life — they plan to be married. But that’s only if, says Ward, Cyrus will spring for an engagement ring.

They live in a rent-subsidized apartment in Washington obtained for them by a non-profit social service agency, the U.S. Veterans Initiative (USVI), when it was discovered one of them had been a veteran — Ward served two years in the U.S. Navy mostly on a destroyer in the Mediterranean — and they had been homeless, but had shaken off alcohol and now were ready to start their lives anew.

Speaking of Emily Button, who acts as their case worker in her capacity as the Initiative’s housing director, Ward says, “She’s more than a sweetheart, she’s a jewel.”

Button stepped in and pushed through all the paperwork to make sure in late January that Ward and Cyrus could move out of Clean and Sober, a shelter and alcohol rehabilitation center located at 2nd and E Streets, N.W., where Ward had been living for 22 months and Cyrus for 17 months, and into their own, neat-as-a-pin one-bedroom apartment where their lives are now all about starting over.

Ward can reminisce with a touch of sarcasm about how they met, in 1972, when Cyrus was only 21, and fresh out of Huntington, W.Va. He’d left there after finishing high school and came to Washington to take a clerk’s job in a city post office. Cyrus was already an alcoholic — he says he began to drink, mostly screwdrivers, as young as 13, at about the time he also realized he was gay. By 15 he knew he was hooked on booze because, he says, “It made me feel good.” By 21, he says the pattern was fixed in place — binge drinking followed by frequent blackouts and memory loss.

Ward remembers the rainy Friday night he met Cyrus. Ward was coming home from his job at the Market Inn restaurant. He stopped the cab he was in when he saw Cyrus incoherent and sprawled on his bicycle tilted into a gutter near 9th and Pennsylvania Avenue where water from a rainstorm was coursing all around him. Out of concern, Ward went to offer help, but Cyrus responded only to say, “Fuck you.”

“I was mean and nasty then,” Cyrus says. He admits he sometimes still is. Ward agrees: “He’s selfish because he was the only boy in the family.”

A year later they met again when both were working at the Channel Inn restaurant. They’d remembered their earlier meeting. Cyrus says they didn’t get along. Ward was out but says, “Cyrus wouldn’t admit for years that he was a homosexual,” even though he was having sex in West Virginia when he was 13.

Born in Portsmouth, Va., in 1944, Ward never saw his mother, because she “walked out of the hospital,” he says, the day he and his twin sister were born, and she never came back. Raised by an aunt he called mom he remembers being 8 and wearing his sister’s Brownie uniform to sell cookies door to door. He’d come home and be Jane in their childhood recreations of the “Tarzan” adventures they saw at the movies.

Sexually, the two always led different lives. They were sexually adventurous and are candid with tales from their glory days.

Somehow, though, the two stuck together through many ups and maybe many more downs. Despite their hedonism and alcohol abuse, they escaped HIV.

“Almost all our friends from then are dead now,” Cyrus says.

So what made it last?

“We’re the best of friends,” Ward says. “This is family and I love him. Can’t you love someone without sex? It’s probably why we’re still together because we don’t have sex. He does his thing and I do mine.”

The couple says they were never each other’s types sexually so they never consummated their relationship. It’s common, experts say, for long-term couples to no longer have sex after many years together but is it unusual for couples to have never had sex?

“I would kind of think so myself, but they may be affectionate in other ways,” says Michael Radkowsky, a local gay psychologist who counsels gay couples. He mentions singer Margaret Whiting who married gay porn star Jack Wrangler and had a non-sexual union.

“They just said they were great companions in every other way and wanted to spend their lives together,” Radkowsky says. “So it does happen and there’s no reason to pathologize it. If they’re happy, they’re happy and it works for them.”

As for their alcoholism, Ward had more control over the addiction, always able to keep a job, while Cyrus frequently would lose his. They hit bottom, respectively, especially when they fell on hard times after Ward sold his home and then gave the money to a son he’d fathered during a two-year marriage in the mid-‘60s. It became increasingly obvious that alcohol was a problem — they sometimes spent as much as $300 a week on liquor and bought it by the case.

Now Ward says, “I’m 66 and I’ve got a new life ahead of me,” saying that they have each dropped all their old drinking friends who typically would mostly spend their time together drinking.

“When you sober up, you learn to love yourself,” Ward says.

They continue to help each other. Cyrus, who was hearing impaired at birth and heard at “about 30 percent” now, relies on his partner’s ears. In addition to his vision problems, Ward uses a cane since a fall several years ago.

“Life itself, you just have to work at it,” Ward says. He looks over fondly at Cyrus and says, “At least with this one, I know what I’ve got, he’s my caretaker now – I’ve always been his caretaker, and now it’s my turn.”

“I love him from the bottom of my heart,” Ward says. “This is my family.”

Real Estate

Snatching your dream home in D.C. this winter

A good time to get a deal during slower season

Published

6 days ago

January 11, 2025

Justin Noble

Dreaming of a D.C. home? Winter is a great time to buy. (Photo by dmiller/Bigstock)

If you’re thinking about planting roots in the DC Metro, then the winter months are a time when you can get a good deal during a slower time in the market. D.C. isn’t just for politicians and monuments; it’s a city brimming with diverse neighborhoods, chic eateries, and more rainbow flags than you can shake a stiletto at. But before you slip into those house-hunting boots, let’s make sure you’re well equipped for the real estate game in our nation’s capital.

1. Credit Check. Before you even start ogling those gorgeous row houses in Capitol Hill or swooning over condos in Logan Circle, make sure your credit score is ready. Lenders love to see a credit score that’s as high as my hair. If it’s looking a little low, then pay down those cards and keep your balances low.

2. Budget Realness. We all love a little splurge now and then (those D.C. brunches aren’t cheap), but buying a home is no time for financial fantasy. Work out your budget and know what you can afford monthly. Factor in those hidden costs like HOA fees and property taxes. Stay within your budget so you can keep rocking those designer threads without a sweat.

3. Location, Location, Location! D.C. is all about neighborhoods with character. Are you more of a Dupont Circle fan or perhaps Petworth? Maybe you fancy the historic vibes of Georgetown or the up-and-coming cool of Navy Yard. Each neighborhood has its own vibe and price tag, so do your homework and figure out where you fit in. Pro tip: Visit at different times of day to really feel the neighborhood’s pulse.

4. Find a Real Estate Agent. Find yourself a real estate agent who not only knows the market but also gets you — someone who can dish out honest advice and help you avoid any missteps. The right agent will be your guide, confidante, and maybe even your future brunch buddy. Remember, you’re in this together, so choose someone who’s as excited about finding your dream home as you are.

5. Mortgage Pre-Approval – The Golden Ticket. Nothing says “I’m serious” like a pre-approval letter from your lender. It’s the ultimate accessory to your house-hunting outfit, giving sellers that warm, fuzzy feeling that you’re not just window shopping. Plus, it helps you know exactly how much home you can afford, so you’re not falling head over heels for something out of reach.

6. House Hunting: The Fun Part! Time to put on your walking shoes and start touring. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, take notes, and envision yourself hosting fabulous dinner parties in these spaces. But be prepared to act fast. D.C.’s real estate market moves quicker than a “RuPaul’s Drag Race” elimination round, so if you find “the one,” don’t hesitate to make an offer.

7. Inspection, Baby. Once you’ve got an offer accepted, it’s time for the home inspection. Think of it as the all-important makeover montage. You want to uncover any issues before they become your problems. Trust your inspector and get those deets — everything from the roof to the basement needs a thorough once-over.

8. Closing Day – You’ve made it. The grand finale! You’ve done the work, and now it’s time to close the deal. Gather your paperwork, bring your ID, and maybe wear something that screams “I’m a homeowner!” After the signatures and happy tears, the keys are yours. Pop the Champagne and toast to your new fabulous life in D.C.

Final Thought: Love is Love, and Home is Home. Remember, your home should be a place where you feel comfortable, safe, and fabulous. Whether you’re single, partnered, or part of a chosen family, the D.C. Metro offers a vibrant, inclusive community that’s ready to welcome you with open arms. So go out there and claim your slice of this iconic city — you’ve got this.

Justin Noble is a Realtor with Sotheby’s International Realty licensed in D.C., Maryland, and Delaware for your DMV and Delaware beach needs. Specializing in first-time homebuyers, development and new construction as well as estate sales, Justin provides white glove service at every price point. Reach him at 202-503-4243, BurnsandNoble.com or [email protected].

Real Estate

2024 D.C. residential real estate market in review

Insights and trends for the LGBTQ community

Published

2 weeks ago

January 1, 2025

Jeff Hammerberg

The year 2025 promises big changes in the local real estate market as the Trump administration takes office. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

As 2024 ends, the residential real estate market reflects a year of notable shifts, with both progress and setbacks impacting LGBTQ homebuyers and sellers. While strides have been made in fostering inclusivity in some areas, the overall landscape has grown increasingly complex. The political climate, coupled with emerging challenges to diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) programs, has significantly influenced the housing market and the LGBTQ+ community’s experiences within it.

The incoming Trump administration has signaled a rollback of DEI initiatives across various industries, and housing is no exception. Efforts to reduce funding for fair housing programs and weaken protections against discrimination have raised concerns for LGBTQ individuals seeking equitable access to housing. Many previously inclusive initiatives in real estate development and local government policy may be scaled back or abandoned altogether, creating a climate of uncertainty.

Despite these challenges, organizations like GayRealEstate.com continue to advocate for LGBTQ buyers and sellers, providing a critical safety net in an increasingly polarized environment.

Trends for LGBTQ Buyers, Sellers in 2024

Increased Caution in Relocation Decisions:

LGBTQ+ individuals and families have grown more deliberate in choosing relocation destinations. States with strong anti-discrimination protections, such as California, New York, and Massachusetts, remain top choices, while states perceived as less LGBTQ+ friendly have seen a decline in migration.

Emergence of “Safe Zones”:

Many LGBTQ+ buyers are seeking out neighborhoods and cities that actively uphold inclusivity despite national trends. These “safe zones” often feature strong community support and resources, but their limited availability can lead to higher housing costs.

Barriers to Homeownership Persist:

Discrimination in lending and housing remains a significant challenge. If you experience discrimination in lending or housing, it’s essential to report it and seek support.

At the Local Level: Report incidents to your city or state’s Fair Housing Office or Human Rights Commission. To find your local office, check your city or state government website for contact details.

At the National Level: U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD):

Phone: 1-800-669-9777 (Toll-Free)
TTY: 1-800-877-8339
Online Complaint Form: HUD Discrimination Complaint

Additionally, working with an LGBTQ professional through GayRealEstate.com provides an added layer of security and advocacy. These experts understand your unique needs and are committed to ensuring you experience a fair and inclusive home-buying or selling process.

Focus on Financial Security:

With the economic uncertainty brought about by political shifts, LGBTQ buyers are prioritizing affordability and long-term financial stability. This has led to increased interest in shared housing arrangements, multi-generational living, and cooperative housing solutions.

Advocacy for Fair Housing Protections:

Advocacy groups and legal organizations are ramping up efforts to defend and expand fair housing protections for LGBTQ individuals. These efforts remain a crucial counterbalance to the rollback of federal DEI programs.

Challenges and Opportunities in the Current Climate

The expected rollback of federal protections and reduced funding for fair housing programs will pose significant challenges, particularly in regions already struggling with inclusivity. However, the resilience of our LGBTQ+ community and our allies has created opportunities for grassroots movements to push for local-level inclusivity and support.

Looking Ahead to 2025

As the new administration takes office, the housing market’s inclusivity for LGBTQ individuals may face further obstacles. However, the strength of community-driven initiatives and the unwavering support of advocacy organizations like GayRealEstate.com (and the 21+ National LGBTQ non-profit organizations they support financially monthly) offer hope for continued progress at local and regional levels.

LGBTQ buyers and sellers are encouraged to stay informed, seek out trusted allies in the real estate industry, and leverage platforms like GayRealEstate.com to ensure their home-buying or selling experience remains as smooth and equitable as possible.

Despite the challenges of an evolving political and social climate, one thing remains certain: LGBTQ individuals have allies who stand by their side, fighting for equality and inclusivity in housing and beyond. For more than 30 years, GayRealEstate.com has been a steadfast advocate for LGBTQ rights, helping thousands of individuals and families navigate the home-buying and selling process safely and confidently.

Not only does GayRealEstate.com connect clients with LGBTQ-friendly agents, but the organization also actively supports LGBTQ non-profit initiatives, ensuring that the community continues to thrive. No matter the obstacles ahead, we want you to know: We’re not going anywhere.

Whether you’re buying, selling, or relocating, GayRealEstate.com is here to provide the expertise, resources, and unwavering support you deserve. Together, we’ll continue building a brighter, more inclusive future—one home at a time.

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at 303-378-5526 or [email protected].

Autos

SUV rundown: ‘tis the season for traveling

6 standouts whether trekking home for the holidays or taking daily commutes

Published

4 weeks ago

December 23, 2024

Joe Phillips

Here are six standout SUVs from which to choose if you’re looking for a new ride this holiday season.

BMW X5

Price range: $67,000-$90,000

MPG: 23 city/27 highway

0 to 60 mph: 5.3 seconds

Cargo space: 72.3 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: With a base model nudging $70,000, the midsize BMW X5 costs a pretty penny. Yet this dream machine offers a choice of boffo engines, exciting handling and enticing features. Four trim levels, including a plug-in hybrid and gnarly M60i (a V8-powered ride that costs—yikes!—$20,000 more but scoots from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.6 seconds). Spacious, too, with oodles of room. And if you’re jonesing for glitz, there’s a glass-trimmed shifter that looks like real crystal, massaging seats, panoramic roof with embedded LED lighting, rear window shades and more. There’s also the latest tech: 12.3-inch digital display, 14.9-inch infotainment touchscreen, wireless charger and 20-speaker Bowers & Wilkins stereo. Pricey? Yes. Worth it? Drive one and see.

BUICK ENCORE

Price range: $27,000-$34,000

MPG: 29 city/31 highway

0 to 60 mph: 8.8 seconds

Cargo space: 50.2 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: Buick keeps hitting the high notes with its bravura designs, and the Encore—a sassy subcompact—is no exception. Surprisingly spry, with comfy seats, concise handling and a classy cabin. There’s beaucoup standard gear, including remote start, LED headlights, smartphone integration and the latest safety systems. Open your wallet a bit more to add larger wheels, 360-degree camera, hands-free liftgate, Bose audio and other niceties. A big plus: lotsa storage. Alas, not the peppiest engine, but capable enough to not feel sluggish. Compared to upscale divas—Audi Q3, BMW X1,Mercedes GLA 250—the affordable Encore deserves, well, an encore.

GMC ACADIA

Price range: $44,000-$57,000

MPG: 20 city/27 highway

0 to 60 mph: 6.7 seconds

Cargo space: 97.5 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: The third-gen Acadia, redesigned for 2024, is the best yet. This full-sizer is now larger, more potent and full of gizmos, including hands-free driving assist, wireless charging, Wi-Fi and more. For off-roading, there’s a tighter suspension, all-terrain tires and even a steel skid plate. My only beef was with the automatic braking system, which scared me silly the first time I was backing into a garage. The driver’s seat began vibrating and buzzing wildly, even though there was nothing nearby. Then the brakes slammed on—hard. Most vehicles only beep or apply the brakes when too close to an object. This, though, felt and sounded like a manic whoopee cushion. But yes, after driving the Acadia for a week, I missed having such a quirky alert on my next test vehicle.

JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE

Price range: $37,000-$69,000

MPG: 19 city/26 highway

0 to 60 mph: 7.4 seconds

Cargo space: 70.8 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: A glam ride on a gutsy chassis. Earlier this year I reviewed the mid-range Overland model. Now it was time for the top-of-the-line Summit Reserve. Mixing pizzazz, power and pampering, this gung-ho SUV spoiled me good. And at $69,000, it should. This is BMW X5 territory, yet the Jeep delivers virtually the same creature comforts and advanced safety monitors. The seats may not be as taut, but that’s a minor quibble. A trailer-tow package also can’t be beat: automatic headlight leveling, load-leveling rear suspension, and heavy-duty cooling and electrical systems.

LINCOLN NAUTILUS

Price range: $52,000-$75,000

MPG: 21 city/29 highway

0 to 60 mph: 7.2 seconds

Cargo space: 71.3 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: Lincoln previously appealed mainly to Gramps and G-ma, but now the target is a younger crowd. For the midsize Nautlius, this means mod styling, a finely crafted interior and eye-popping features like a four-foot digital display. The ginormous screen is part of a sweeping dashboard that stretches onto the door panels. Handling and cornering are smooth yet sporty, especially in the new hybrid model. When the Nautilus was parked, I could indulge in some guilty pleasures with a multisensory setup that integrated the panoramic screen, surround-sound stereo, massaging seats and a fragrance diffuser into a truly spa-like ambiance. Nirvana, indeed.

SUBARU FORESTER

Base model: $29,000-$38,000

MPG: 26 city/33 highway

0 to 60 mph: 9.3 seconds

Cargo space: 74.2 cu. ft.

WHAT’S TO LIKE: Solid, steady, a sure thing. Thanks to all-wheel drive, the Forester’s handling is excellent—especially in rain or snow. And even though this is no speedster—the powerplant is a tad pokey—the fuel economy outshines most rivals. My test drive was the midrange Sport model, which boasted 18-inch black-painted wheels, raised roof rails, foglights, tinted rear windows and an all-weather package with a windshield-wiper de-icer. Best of all: the cargo room was big enough for all my holiday shopping, including a very wicked outfit for my husband—my own Prince Fiyero.