Living
Castro catastrophe
‘We Were Here’ offers first-hand accounts of AIDS horrors in San Francisco
A vintage still from San Francisco's Castro neighborhood used in 'We Were Here.' (Photo courtesy of Film Collaborative)
There were angels in San Francisco.
But unlike in Tony Kushner’s two-part Pulitzer-Prize-winning play about AIDS — “Angels in America,” set in New York City in the mid-1980s — these angels were real people.
In the Kushner play, an angel descends to earth, as his fictional characters struggled with this unsettling new disease, the “gay cancer” as it was being called, an epidemic that seemed to spring from nowhere and then spread like a wicked wildfire.
In San Francisco it also struck like a bolt from the blue and purple unknown, its stigmata the purple-ish and dark reddish-blue marks of skin lesions — those herpes-like, cancerous tumors of Kaposi’s sarcoma — that began to dot faces and limbs and torsos with an ugliness that was unmistakable and the cause unknown. Right-wing televangelist Jerry Falwell called the lesions, which were seen as the defining illnesses of AIDS in the 1980s, to be the signs of Satan’s claim over sins of the flesh and God’s punishment for those same-sex sins, demons of a heaven-sent plague upon homosexuality.
“For a group of gay men, so into physical appearance, this was a disease whose very physical manifestations were horrifying,” says Daniel, one of the five people profiled in a new and deeply affecting documentary film, “We Were Here,” a gut-punch of a feature-length film by producer-director David Weissman, about the coming of AIDS to the Bay Area, and the human havoc it wrought.
This film is truly a moving picture. Co-presented with Reel Affirmations, as part of the 25th Annual FilmFest D.C. (now through April 17), it is playing tonight and Saturday night at the Regal Cinemas Gallery Place, on 7th Street, N.W., near Verizon Center. Each showing is at 6:30 p.m. followed by town meetings to discuss the film and its ramifications today in D.C. where the disease still flourishes.
Each one of the five in “We Were Here” is a witness, a survivor, and haunted in some indelible way by what they saw. Four of them are gay men (Daniel, Ed, Guy and Paul), who each contracted HIV yet somehow survived. One is a straight woman (Eileen) who ministered to the patients, as a nurse who cared about them as human beings, not clinical case studies.
Like Eileen, who appears to be a modern-day Florence Nightingale, each one is an angel, each able to say, “we were here.” Each is a survivor of the mysterious epidemic that moved through San Francisco in the 1980s with all the ferocity of an avenging angel, a grim reaper carrying off those who had sown such pleasure, but now so many of them faced death as a result.
Each is an eyewitness. At the skillful hand of filmmaker Weissman, who also earlier produced “The Cockettes,” a documentary about the campier side of the Bay Area, the testimony of the five is heartfelt and eloquent, bringing the kind of emotion that only those who experienced it first hand can bring.
Daniel’s voice is such an example. His voice is riveting, his gaze impossible to turn away from. He’s a modern-day Ancient Mariner come to tell us of how wrong things can get when bad things happen to good people.
He recalls that tragic time when no one could comprehend what was happening, as the virus burned its way through the carefree, almost heedless hedonism that came to the Bay Area after Stonewall in 1969, when hippies flocked to the Haight Ashbury and gays to the Castro. For a time all was well. But it was the sexual romp before the gathering storm.
Paul, who found his early calling in political action working with Harvey Milk, says, “I came to San Francisco with nothing but my backpack and my boyfriend.” He recalls that in the mid-1970s, “I believed that at that time in San Francisco there were nothing but crazy dreamers.”
Daniel went, recalling that, “I always wanted to meet a blond surfer but I was still in the closet, but then I came out with a bang,” in part spurred by being cast in the gay-themed play “The Boys in the Band.”
One observer, appearing in the film, puts it bluntly about that era: “If you took a lot of young gay men and asked them, ‘How much sex would you like to have?,’ the answer was, ‘A lot,’ and the sense was, sex is good, and more sex is good,” and after all, he adds, “We came to San Francisco to be gay.” Ed, who moved to the city in 1981, is equally blunt: “I was always in relationships, but they were open … My sexual outlet was always the bath houses and it was fun.”
But times were changing. In 1979, Harvey Milk was assassinated. In 1980, Ronald Reagan was elected president. The hopes and dreams of hippie hedonism didn’t last. But then, says Weissman, who documents it with clinical detail from archival footage, signs of trouble began to appear.
“People were wasting, losing so much weight, [San Francisco’s Castro neighborhood] looked like a concentration camp,” says Daniel. “You almost had to turn away, it was just too scary.” He felt haggard and haunted: “I was losing all the fat in my face and my butt — I would walk by a store window and jump, ‘Who was that?’ — I was skin and bones.”
At times death came with startling swiftness. Eileen, who chose to care for AIDS sufferers and then to work on clinical trials seeking pharmaceutical relief of the worst symptoms, says that in the hospital where she worked, “People were coming in with a KS lesion one day and were dead 10 days later.” Her own heart went out to them, but others shrank away in fear and ignorance, as some voices were raised calling for tattoos to be stenciled onto all persons diagnosed with HIV and some even called for packing them away into leper-like colonies.
“From the beginning,” she says, “I just couldn’t understand the homophobia that was going on and the fear of going into the [hospital] rooms.”
“There was nothing that unusual in that people are of course going to die,” says Ed, who speaks like a creative writer, a craft in which he earned a graduate degree. But in San Francisco, he says, “It’s just that it happened in a targeted community, to people who were disenfranchised, separated from their families.” But then a kind of miracle happened when people like Eileen stepped forward, as well as gay men who were not infected. In Ed’s words, “A whole different group of people stepped up and became their families.”
They got involved. Eileen joined ACT UP. Daniel fought his way back from depression and worked on the Names Project, which made the AIDS quilt.
Each of five was chosen, says Weissman, because they had a special story to tell, and the film delivers what they have to say with an emotional wallop. But more than that, he admits, “The city is also a character” in the film, which he calls “Very personal to me” and “a love letter to San Francisco,” where after some years living in Portland, Ore., he is now based. A commercial release is planned for later in the year.
Weissman, who is gay, was born in 1954 in Los Angeles, and never went to college, he explains, because he “lived through the hippie times.” He got into filmmaking in his late 20s. He says it was “something on the spur of the moment.” He took coursework at the City College of San Francisco, but says at first he never thought of himself as a documentarian. Instead, he produced a series of short comedies until finally, after “a moment of unexpected inspiration,” he made the 2001 acclaimed documentary, “The Cockettes,” about the Bay Area’s legendary theater troupe of hippies and drag queens.
“Some people worry that seeing a film like this will be a downer,” Weissman says. “But that’s definitely not the case. Instead, it’s a cathartic experience, healing and empowering.”
“Especially for young gay men today, who don’t know very much about our history,” Weissman says the film opens “a window about how we got where we are today, and the resilience our community has shown in the face of terrible adversity.”
Other gay-themed films slated for fest
The Washington, D.C. 25th annual international film festival event comes alive this week overflowing the Historic Lincoln Theatre on U Street, AMC Mazza Gallerie, Regal Gallery Place at Verizon Center on 7th Street N.W., the Landmark E Street Cinemas, the Avalon and other venues through April 17.
“We know for sure that people in D.C. are interested in films other than Hollywood films,” says Tony Gittens, who founded the festival in 1987.
Themes include “Justice Matters,” a cluster of films focusing on social justice issues; Global Rhythms, a special section of music films; Short Cuts, eight films less than feature length from around the world; and “Lunafest,” nearly 90 minutes of short films for, by and about women. Tickets for most films are $11, he says, and shows tend to sell out, so buying tickets online is the smart bet.
For a complete list of films and events, which include “freebies” for children and seniors, and to purchase tickets, visit filmfestdc.org or call 888-996-4774 from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Monday through Friday and from noon-5 p.m. on weekends. Tickets may also be purchased at the theater on the day of the show, with the box office opening one hour before the venue’s first screening of the day.
In addition to “We Were Here,” three others have LGBT appeal:
“Circumstance” (“Sharayet”) in Persian with English subtitles 9 p.m. tonight and 6 p.m. Saturday at Regal Cinemas Gallery Place. Directed by Maryam Keshavasrz, this joint French-Iranian-USA production won this year’s Sundance Film Festival audience award. A young Iranian girl, still in her teens, Atafeh, and her best friend Shireen, experiment with mutual sexual attraction amid the subculture of Tehran’s underground art scene and face familial disapproval.
“For 80 Days” (“80 egunean”) in Spanish with English subtitles co-presented with the Embassy of Spain at 7:30 p.m. Sunday and 8:30 p.m. Monday at the Avalon Theatre, 5612 Connecticut Ave. N.W. Directed by Jon Garano and Jose Maria Goenaga, this Spanish entry depicts two women, one of them lesbian, who were best friends in youth, who meet again by accident 50 years later.
“Loose Cannons” (“Mine Vaganti”) in Italian with English subtitles screens at 9 p.m. tonight and 7 p.m. Saturday at AMC Mazza Gallery, 5300 Wisconsin Ave. N.W.
Directed by Ferzan Ozpetek, the films depicts a large, eccentric family whose patriarch puts pressure on the two sons, who are gay, to follow in the family business.
One of the biggest headaches of the new home process is the actual moving part. By the time someone is buying a home, most people are beyond the “I just need a pickup truck, a pizza and a case of beer for my friends.”
If that is still someone’s preferred way to move, that’s great. However, many people find they need a much more robust plan. It can also trigger a lot of feelings about items one owns, what to do with them, do they have too much, should I keep this memento that I never use? Etc.
Moving is a chance for a person to “clean house” literally, figuratively, spiritually and energetically. A person can figure out which items they want to keep, and which need to go. As someone who recently moved across the country, I can speak to this experience. It’s also time for what people call “the fresh start effect.” This phenomenon, according to psychologists, can happen in little moments (like the start of a new work week) and bigger moments (such as moving from one home to the next).
The fresh start effect offers these benefits often mentioned by psychologists:
- Mental Accounting: Dates act as chapter breaks, letting you put past failures into a previous period.
- Psychological Distance: You separate your flawed past self from your aspirational future self (“That was the old me”).
- Optimism Boost: New beginnings clear mental clutter and increase your sense of agency and control
Does this mean that “the new you” will be the perfect version you envisioned? Probably not. We are humans. But it might mean you get a chance to “leave some of the old you behind” within the walls you used to live in, and now have a chance to have a new layout, a new décor, a new color pattern, new wallpaper, donate old furniture and books or magazines, throw out clothes you no longer use or fit in, and enjoy the opportunity to literally use the, “Does this spark joy?” method that was made so popular by Marie Kondo in her Netflix series.
So, for all its hassle and headache, moving is a chance to shake off the “old you” and try on the new you, to incorporate the items you would like to keep and use more of, and shed the items, habits, and ways of thinking that you feel no longer serve you.
I can speak to the experiences that several of my clients had when they moved from a previous residence to a newer one. It usually coincided with a change in relationship status, a change in employment, a change in family size, but sometimes it just seemed to correlate to a new attitude and perspective that the client was really hoping for.
I have literally had clients come to me after the fact, in tears, that they were so happy they made the decision to move out of a situation that no longer served them, and move into one that felt like a much better fit.
Change can be annoying and overwhelming at times, but usually most people come out the other side, not wanting to return to the way they were before.
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Despite a U.S. political climate that has made electric vehicles about as welcome as a vegan at a Texas barbecue, automakers haven’t gotten the memo. The 2027 BMW iX3 and Rivian R2—in showrooms soon—prove the point. But think of them as distant cousins: one arrives impeccably dressed; the other probably has a kayak strapped to the roof.
BMW iX3
$62,000
Range: Up to 434 miles
0 to 60 mph: 4.7 seconds
Cargo space: 30.4 cu. ft.
PROS: Huge driving range. Distinctive styling. Cutting-edge interior.
CONS: Quirky digital controls. Only one U.S. trim level. Pricey options.
WHAT’S NEW: This is BMW’s first production model on its state-of-the-art Neue Klasse platform, radically changing the technology, cabin and electric drivetrain.
The iX3 arrives on our shores in one trim level, the iX3 50 xDrive. Load it up with options and you can sail well past $80,000.
Depending on configuration, this luxe EV delivers an astonishing range before recharging. And a dual-motor, all-wheel-drive system produces 463 horsepower, which allows you to tootle around as fast as a Porsche 718 sportster.
The new “Panoramic iDrive” spreads information across the base of the windshield, supplemented by a central display and steering-wheel controls. An available 3D head-up display adds even more info. It’s futuristic, busy and unmistakably BMW—like someone decided the dashboard needed its own coming-out party.
Then there’s the “Heart of Joy” computer, which coordinates the motors, braking and steering for sharper responses and smoother control. The name may sound like something from a self-help retreat, but the innovation makes the iX3 seriously entertaining to drive.
You also can charge the iX3 from 10 percent to 80 percent in just 21 minutes. Nice.
This isn’t merely an electric X3 with the gasoline bits removed. It’s a tech reset for BMW. Compared with the R2, the iX3 is more polished, more luxurious…but, alas, considerably pricier.
RIVIAN R2
$45,000
Range: Up to 345 miles
0 to 60 mph: 5.9 seconds
Cargo space: 28.7 cu. ft.
PROS: Affordable luxury. Rugged looks. Clever storage.
CONS: No smartphone integration. No glass-roof shade. Touchy touchscreen.
WHAT’S NEW: Everything—the R2 is Rivian’s all-new, smaller electric SUV, and it brings the brand’s adventure-first attitude to a price point far below the larger R1S.
If the BMW iX3 is wearing a beautifully tailored jacket, the Rivian R2 has its sleeves rolled up.
With edgy styling, this is no anonymous crossover wearing an EV costume. Chunky details. Upright proportions. Distinctive lighting all give off an outdoorsy vibe without turning the R2 into a rolling REI catalog.
There are four configurations, with pricing from $45,000 to $58,000. That’s a big difference from the BMW—and potentially the R2’s biggest weapon.
The stats aren’t shabby, either. Driving range is from 275 to 345 miles. The dual-motor, all-wheel-drive setup produces between 350 horsepower and a frankly bonkers 656 horsepower. And the high-performance model lets you zip from 0-to-60 mph in just 3.6 seconds.
Drag-racing credentials? Absolutely!
Inside, there is lots of clever packaging, with flexible seating and generous storage. This EV is designed to carry actual stuff, not merely impress your neighbors.
Yes, there are quirks. Rivian skips Apple CarPlay and Android Auto, while everyday controls—some of which are less than intuitive—live on the touchscreen. And the panoramic glass roof lacks a conventional shade. Huh?
For some owners, those will be minor annoyances. For others, they’ll become daily reminders that Rivian marches to its own beat.
Perhaps that’s not a bad thing, though. The R2 feels less buttoned-up, more mischievous. It’s the automotive equivalent of Billy Porter ignoring the dress code and somehow looking better than everyone who followed it.
Advice
We’re getting married but our parents object
Will their disapproval and shortcomings derail our hopes for a happy life?
Dear Michael,
My girlfriend and I are getting married! We’re really excited, but we’ve got some big concerns as well.
All of our parents have had multiple marriages. I think 10 between the four of them. So we don’t have much in the way of role models for a successful marriage.
Also, we don’t have any parental support. Except for one of my ex-stepmothers whom I’m close to, none of our parents are happy that their daughter is getting married to another woman. That’s an understatement. Religious objections, moral objections, being angry that we’re “embarrassing them,” these are some of the things we’ve been told.
We do have some supportive siblings and step-siblings, which is great, although they’re getting pushback from parents about attending our wedding.
Given all this, what suggestions do you have for how we can make a go of our marriage? The divorce rate is over 50 percent for everyone. With all this baggage, we’re worried that we have even less of a chance. Thank you.
Michael replies:
First, congratulations!
Regarding your lack of family support: I’m sorry that you both have to deal with so much criticism, disdain, and judgment. Please don’t let your parents’ negativity influence your own views of yourselves and your relationship. Focus instead on the love and caring you will get from friends, community and the family who are present on your big day (I hope your siblings are brave enough to make it!). Being the recipients of that support is one of the sweetest parts of getting married.
Don’t worry about the high divorce rate. While some couples really shouldn’t stay married, lots of people get divorced because they don’t know what is required to have a good marriage, or don’t put in the effort to do so. That does not have to be your fate.
Similarly, your parents’ terrible track record doesn’t mean you have to repeat their marital histories. The skills to have a strong marriage are learnable.
To that end, here are the best tips I can offer the two of you:
- If you want a loving marriage, be a loving partner. Don’t snipe, sulk, or do the silent treatment when you’re mad. Unconditional love is largely a myth. Even our dogs won’t love us if we are mean to them.
- Don’t spend much time or effort focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong or how she is letting you down. Doing so leads to resentment and feeling like you’re a powerless victim. Instead, ask yourself what your own contribution is to the problem, and what you can do to make things better. You don’t have much power over your partner, but you have a lot of power over yourself.
You can certainly ask your spouse for what you’d like from her, but don’t expect to always get it. And don’t base your own wellbeing or good behavior on what your partner does or doesn’t do.
- Because any two people are always different in some important ways, there is no way that you both can always want the same things, or think the same way, or have the same priorities. Accept this! There has to be room for each of you to be an individual, not only part of a couple.
- Be generous as often as you can be, and have a boundary when it’s important for you to have one.
- When your spouse states that she has a boundary, respect it. Do not push her to back off from something that is important to her.
- Don’t keep score, including how much more you do or how often you don’t get your way. Instead, work together to have a collaborative marriage where you work together to make decisions and get things done.
- Strive not to weigh the relationship down with neediness. Once we’re grownups, it’s mainly our own job to soothe ourselves. You don’t want to burn out your partner’s empathy.
Of course you can ask for a hug, love, reassurance, support, advice, and a shoulder to cry on when you’re down. Just aim be the first person you turn to when you’re upset, and do your best to keep your own mood steady.
- Do not wait for your significant other to go first. Not on planning a date, not on apologizing, not on loading the dishwasher or cleaning the bathroom. If you wait for her to make the first move, you will have a resentful relationship where nothing good ever happens.
Keeping these principles part of your operating system, even — and especially — at those moments when your spouse isn’t doing her best, will go a long way toward helping you build and maintain a loving and happy marriage.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
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