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Single people relegated to second-class status

I support marriage, but it’s not for everyone

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On July 24, as the first same-sex couples wed in New York, my 80-something, straight pal Louise called me. “They look so happy on TV!” she said, “Don’t you want to find a nice woman and get married? You could go to Niagara Falls!”

Whenever a state (or jurisdiction) legalizes same-sex marriage, a loving friend calls to convince me, a single lesbian, to hop aboard the marriage train.

I support same-sex marriage. Until marriage equality in this country is achieved, LGBT people will be second-class citizens. Unmarried same-sex couples don’t receive many of the financial benefits (from Social Security survivors benefits to health insurance) or societal recognition bestowed on heterosexual married couples. I believe the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) should be repealed. If I could have, I’d have married my late partner Anne in a heartbeat.

I’m a hopeless romantic – a waterworks at weddings (no matter how tacky). One day I hope to meet the love of my life, and then, if both of us want to, we’ll find wedded bliss at Niagara Falls.

Being in a relationship could be wonderful. But, I don’t feel the need to rush to become part of a couple, much less get married. For now, like other LGBT and straight people, I enjoy being single. Some of us are single by choice; others are single due to circumstances such as the death of a spouse.

The cultural stereotype is that single people are lonely and leading unfulfilled lives. Other misperceptions run the gamut from believing that we’re asexual workaholics to thinking that we’re hyper-sexed narcissists. Granted, there’s some truth in stereotypes. Sure there are some over-worked, over-sexed single folks. But most of us are no more horny, self-absorbed or career-obsessed than our married peers.

Not every same-sex couple is anxious to wed. Even when they love each other dearly, some couples opt (in the six states and Washington, D.C. where same-sex marriage is legal) for domestic partnerships instead of marriage. Their reasons vary. Sometimes, same-sex couples believe getting married would be too legally complicated until the federal government recognizes same-sex marriage.

Others feel that marriage places too much emphasis on monogamy or believe that matrimony is oppressive. “I support same-sex marriage as a civil rights issue,” a writer told me at a literary retreat in California in 2008, “but it’s not for me. Remember the Lesley Gore song ‘You Don’t Own Me?’ Marriage is a hierarchical straight institution.”

Historically, the LGBT community has been welcoming to single people. Single people from “spinsters” to artists have been respected in our culture. Unconventional “families of choice” – made up of single people, couples and their friends have been a crucial part of the fabric of queer life.

Yet, ironically, as many of us who are single or in same-sex couples not wishing to wed fight for marriage equality, we often find ourselves devalued by the LGBT community and the culture at large.

Family members, friends and co-workers wonder why we’re not in relationships or looking for partners; or, if we’re coupled, why we don’t wed in a nanosecond.

As a graduate student, I remember being seated at the children’s table at family functions because I was single. Now single people are too often metaphorically seated at the children’s table in the LGBT community. Increasingly, if you’re not coupled or married, you’re met with a mixture of pity, condescension and disbelief. “Isn’t your life empty?” a just-married woman asked me at a party recently. “I couldn’t live without a wife.”

I fear that the pressure to wed could hurt LGBT couples in practical ways. Last month, the New York Times reported that some companies since the legalization of same-sex marriage in New York now require same-sex couples to marry in order to receive health insurance.

I applaud same-sex marriage. But I invite the LGBT community to celebrate single people.

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Howard County exec: Inclusive communities are thriving communities

In Maryland, it’s more than a talking point – it’s a way of life

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Calvin Ball is the executive of Howard County, Md.

Every person, organization, and business has the opportunity to make inclusion a core mission. Yet, true inclusion requires more than intention. It demands action to ensure every person in our community can live authentically, embrace their potential, and thrive without fear of hate or harm. In Howard County, Md., we are doing our part to make inclusivity more than a talking point – it’s a way of life. 

The Human Rights Campaign’s 2024 Municipal Equality Index (MEI) awarded Howard County a perfect score of 100 for the third year in a row. At a time when LGBTQIA+ rights are at stake, the MEI and the rubric it provides for cities and towns across our country has never been more important. 

The MEI examines how inclusive municipal laws, policies, and services are in cities and towns across the country. The report scores cities across five domains: non-discrimination laws, municipality as an employer, municipal services, law enforcement and leadership on LGBTQ+ equality. We proudly achieved the highest marks in all five domains, which comes as no surprise. It’s important to me that Howard County is a national model for implementing inclusive policies for our 17 protected classes in Howard County.

When I first took office as Howard County Executive in December of 2018, one of my first initiatives was hosting our very first Pride festival. It was the perfect time to celebrate and reflect upon the progress we made to advance civil rights and protections for our LGBTQIA+ neighbors. In June of 2019, Howard County proudly hosted its first Pride festival, with thousands of attendees, solidifying our commitment to our residents and neighbors. 

It was also ever important that our LGBTQIA+ residents had a seat in government operations. In 2022, I established Howard County’s inaugural LGBTIA+ Commission, which partners with county agencies, nonprofit organizations and other community groups to facilitate an environment of inclusion, communication, understanding and respect throughout the county. This Commission continues to advance policy and systemic changes for those with different gender and sexual identities. 

To further uplift our neighbors, for the first time in county history, in June of 2022 we proudly raised the Pride flag at the seat of Howard County government, symbolizing unity and inclusiveness. This meaningful action reflects our commitment to supporting, celebrating, and standing with all LGBTQIA+ individuals in Howard County, affirming that they are a vital, welcomed, and celebrated part of our community.

In 2024, our Office of Human Rights and Equity (OHRE) hosted various community events, workshops, listening and training sessions that attracted 4,000 attendees. Creating community spaces where people can freely share their thoughts fosters a collective sense of belonging. We want everyone to know that their voice matters. 

Additionally, more than 160 Howard County government employees received training from our Equity and Restorative Practices Unit last year. This pioneering initiative delves into the ways current leadership paradigms might perpetuate racialized dynamics. It is imperative we continuously examine our current practices to see where we might be lacking and devise ways to remedy our weaknesses. 

Across our country of thousands of cities and counties, we are proud to be counted among 130 MEI-rated cities that have earned the highest score of 100. This shows the immense progress local government is making to enact policies and legislation that protect the classes of sexual orientation and gender identity. By focusing on making a difference where people live, learn, and grow, we can make a bigger impact nationally combating hate and discrimination based on sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Because we know – when we foster inclusive communities we foster thriving communities. 


Calvin Ball is the executive of Howard County, Md. 

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Thank you, Mr. President

Biden’s legacy includes array of pro-LGBTQ actions

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President Joe Biden sits across the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office from Blade reporter Christopher Kane on Sept. 20, 2024. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

This week marks the end of President Joe Biden’s administration, the most pro-LGBTQ leader our country has ever known. With his departure, our community enters a period of uncertainty and alarm over how trans Americans will be treated under Trump’s tenure. 

Before we begin coping with that unfortunate reality, let’s take a moment to celebrate Biden. His legacy includes many landmark achievements, from ending the COVID pandemic and implementing the infrastructure bill to restoring America’s reputation around the world, supporting Ukraine, and standing up to Vladimir Putin’s aggressions.

Biden’s advocacy on behalf of LGBTQ Americans will be a key part of his overall legacy. Never have we had a president so committed to our equality and inclusion.

One of the most memorable moments in Biden’s long record of LGBTQ support came in 2012 when he famously endorsed marriage equality in a live TV interview days before President Obama did the same. It marked the first time a sitting vice president publicly supported marriage equality and Biden did it just six months before the election, something that even LGBTQ activists had advised against.

As president, Biden fought successfully to preserve marriage equality in the increasingly likely event that the Obergefell ruling is overturned by the Supreme Court. The Respect for Marriage Act ensures that the federal government and all U.S. states and territories must recognize same-sex and interracial marriages. Biden signed it in 2022 and held a massive event on the White House lawn bringing together hundreds of LGBTQ advocates from around the country to celebrate.

“Today’s a good day,” he said during the signing ceremony. “Today America takes a big step towards equality.”

Biden began his term on Jan. 20, 2021, and on that same day, issued an executive order establishing workplace protections for LGBTQ Americans and prohibiting discrimination in education, credit, health care, and housing. 

Biden ensured that his administration and the federal government looked like America, naming record numbers of out LGBTQ judicial appointees and senior staff. He gave us the nation’s first Senate-confirmed gay Cabinet member in Pete Buttigieg, thus opening the door for future LGBTQ top staff like Scott Bessent, Trump’s pick for Treasury Secretary, who’s gay. 

“LGBTQ+ people have received a record number of federal appointments, including Cabinet members, judges, and around 14% of the administration,” according to the Victory Fund. In addition to Buttigieg, he appointed Dr. Rachel Levine as the first out transgender person to hold an office that requires Senate confirmation. And he named Karine Jean-Pierre, a Black lesbian, as his press secretary.

His advocacy wasn’t merely symbolic. President Biden in June issued historic pardons for military service members who were discharged over their sexual orientation or gender identity under discriminatory policies of the past, like “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

“This is about dignity, decency, and ensuring the culture of our Armed Forces reflect the values that make us an exceptional nation,” Biden said at the time. “We have a sacred obligation to all of our service members — including our brave LGBTQI+ service members: To properly prepare and equip them when they are sent into harm’s way, and to care for them and their families when they return home.”

Veterans who were discharged for their sexual orientation or gender identity were barred from accessing benefits through the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs but veterans who obtain certificates of pardon can now petition for a change in their discharge status, which can facilitate their access to benefits.

On a personal note, I am grateful to President Biden and his talented and thoughtful communications team for granting the Blade the first-ever presidential sit-down interview with an LGBTQ newspaper. It was a moment I’ve worked toward for more than 20 years, holding endless calls and meetings with President Obama’s team trying to land that interview; and even working with Trump’s team early on in the hopes he might talk to the queer media. But it took Biden to again make history for our community. The Blade’s Sept. 20, 2024 cover photo of our White House reporter Chris Kane sitting across the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office from President Biden — an image snapped by longtime Blade Photo Editor Michael Key — fills me with immense pride. It was a moment that took decades of hard work and perseverance by pioneering queer journalists to realize. 

Thank you, Mr. President, for having our backs, not just for these past four years but throughout a long and impactful career in public service.  


Kevin Naff is editor of the Washington Blade. Reach him at [email protected].

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Trump’s aggressiveness will cause havoc in the world

Incoming president admires Putin and Hitler

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Donald Trump speaks at the 2024 Republican National Convention in Milwaukee. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Some are asking if the majority of Americans really care, or even understand, what it means if Trump brings a wrecking ball to the rule of law, both here at home, and around the world. 

Our first indication will be how the public reacts, especially Trump voters, to what he does based on his promises to grant clemency to those sentenced for their actions during the Jan. 6, 2021 riot at the United States Capitol. Trump has called it a day of love; others have referred to it as his failed effort to stage a coup. There can be no debate about the actions of many in the crowd who stormed the Capitol that day, as they are on film. The question for many will be whether Trump grants clemency to any who were sentenced for just being there, or will he grant broad clemency to everyone, including those who were seen breaking windows, destroying property, and injuring police. Let us never forget 140 officers were injured protecting the building, and members of Congress we elected. 

Then there is the issue of the boundaries Trump crossed by calling Supreme Court Justice Alito before his case on the hush money sentencing was decided. Will Trump have these kinds of conversations with other justices when his administration, and even he personally, will have future cases pending before them? Will his administration potentially disregard a court ruling? 

Then we move on to the world stage. Trump has made statements to the effect that he would consider using military force to take Greenland and the Panama Canal. Would he actually consider invading another country without any provocation? Those words, even before any action is taken, make me think of Vladimir Putin and Adolf Hitler. Both men, Trump at one time or another, has said he admires. He has nominated as Director of National Intelligence a person who supported deposed Syrian dictator Assad and Putin. Then he said he would consider economic coercion to get Canada to become part of the United States. Remember, these are all sovereign nations. 

Just knowing that Trump, and many he has chosen to surround himself with, think like this, should frighten all decent Americans, as well as the rest of the world. Trump often says outrageous things like this without any real thought, or knowledge, as to what they entail, and what the repercussions would be. Remember his suggestion about swallowing bleach to battle COVID? Clearly, he often doesn’t know what he is talking about. Some think these statements are just meant as diversions, to take our attention from the outrageous things he is actually doing. Too often the news media takes the bait, and they along with the American people, end up losing track of the real and immediate damage he is doing to the nation. 

It is clear many of these outrageous thoughts seem to come from the last person who whispered in his ear. Today that is often Elon Musk, who has been getting involved in the politics of the United Kingdom, Germany, and other nations. Musk’s closeness to Trump seems based mostly on how much money he has given to Trump and his causes. Some think he may have even promised Trump a few billion dollars after his presidency is over. Other social media moguls, and billionaires, are now clearly trying to kiss Trump’s ass. One who has clearly sealed his lips to Trump’s rear end is Mark Zuckerberg of Meta. His announcement that Facebook will no longer fact check posts because he claims he believes in ‘free speech,’ led to a wonderful meme I recently saw. It said, “Mark Zuckerberg, who passed away recently at the age of 36, a convicted pedophile…” It seems Musk, Zuckerberg, and others have now joined Trump in accepting lying on social media is fine in the name of free speech. Hey, it worked to get Trump elected, and a whole cable network, Fox News, has found how effective lying can be in generating viewers and poisoning the minds of the uneducated, and those who want to believe the bullshit they spout for their own benefit. 

We live in an uncharted time. I think it’s hard to predict what will happen in the next four years. Will people tire of this dangerous, liar, racist, homophobe, misogynist, felon, found liable for sexual assault? Or will they accept all that he does and speaks? I pray they tire of him, and rebel, before he destroys our country.


Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.

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