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Coming out in Mexico

Two families handle their gay sons very differently

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By TERRY DODDS

This is the first time I am writing for the Blade, but I hope not the last. I was born in Mexico City, but I am now an American citizen.

Mexico is generally a very Catholic country. I am going to tell you two different histories and the very different reactions from two families about the reactions when their respective sons told the parents that they were gay.

Story No. 1: In Mexico, there is a big population of originally Spanish people who came to Mexico during the civil war in Spain. Mexico happily opened their arms to them. Those families generally speaking keep stronger Old Spanish traditions, in fact, much more so, than the Spanish people that live in Spain.

One of these families has a son who, for the purpose of this story, will be named Ernest.   Ernest was a very cute and studious son who earned a Ph.D. He, like most of these Spanish-rooted children do, was still living at home and had a girlfriend. Their wedding day was three months away.

Given the kind of people they were — and the time, around 1975 — this couple had never slept together, and they would have gone that way until the wedding day. Obviously the girlfriend felt that something was not right in this regard, because she told him: “Ernest I am not marrying you, if we don’t have sex before our wedding.”

Ernest did try, but he couldn’t do it. He just didn’t feel the appetite for it. So the girlfriend broke off the engagement. He wasn’t disappointed.

The parents were very sorry about the marriage being off and kept telling him to be patient, that she will be back soon. He began to go out with other friends; his parents didn’t know what he was doing.

One Friday night as he came home late, he found his mother in an ocean of tears, she could hardly speak. She said, “Oh Ernest people are so evil, you are never going to believe this, a person called me tonight and told me that you are gay and that is also the reason why your girlfriend wants nothing to do with you anymore. Also they told me that you have man lovers, and we as your parents are the only people that don’t know about all this.”

Ernest, saw this as the golden opportunity, that he had been long looking for, so he told  his mother: “Mom, I am so sorry, that people have upset you, but I might as well tell you, that it is true, there is nothing I can do about it, also there is nothing wrong with it, people are just different, I am also a mature man, so this is my opportunity to tell you that I am going to move out of this house and live on my own.” He then left the room. The mother cried even harder.

The next morning he came down later than usual and found his father reading the newspaper, the father spoke first. He told him, “Son, I know about the conversation you and your mother had last night. Let me tell you, right or wrong, heterosexual or homosexual, you are my son and I love you. I don’t understand this, but I will respect you, you can live here with us as long as you want or leave this is up to you, this will always be your house, we will always be your loving parents and the doors are always open for you.”

Without too much transition he asked him: “What do you want for breakfast?”

The second story involves a Mexican family with four boys and two girls. One of the sons we’ll call Oscar. He was a very neat and hard working man. He never had a girlfriend, but nobody in the family ever suspected (or if they did, they never vocalized the idea, that he might be gay).

On his 45th birthday, he decided to tell his mother that he was gay, hoping for understanding and respect. 
When he told his mother, first she cried, then she asked him to go with her to see a doctor, to check what was wrong with him.  He tried to explain that there is nothing wrong with hime. He just was gay and there are millions like him.

However he had given his word so he went with his mother to the doctor. The doctor explained that it was not a temporary condition, he was born gay, he was gay and he was going to be gay for the rest of his life. There was no medicine or treatment that could change that. Oscar felt he had at least kept his promise to his mother.

She asked him to please, please, not to tell anyone in the family, specially his father because this will surely kill him. Oscar’s father was not going to be able to live with that shame and embarrassment.

The following week the mother appeared in front of the whole family with a scapular and a habit. (A scapular is two hanging shapes, with a cord holding them together in a way that they can hang around your neck, showing one at the front and one at the back. They both have the same religious image. The habit is like the gown that some monks use, but in this case you dress as a particular saint that you want to honor.)

This is almost like paying forward, by dressing this way — you are requesting a favor from the Saint: I dress and advertise you and I want you to grant me a wish. The mother stated to the whole family that she was asking for a “very special miracle” that she desperately needed. That was the reason for this display.

Even when the rest of the family knew about the “catastrophe,” all the brothers and sisters were OK about it. The father was never told and he either didn’t know or pretended not to know. The siblings never let on to the family that they knew about it.  It was a real demonstration of family hypocrisy and ignorance.

 

 

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TRAITOR: Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent has blood on his hands

Nation’s highest-ranking gay public official is a MAGA sell out

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Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

It’s an odd dichotomy: President Trump appoints the highest-ranking openly gay government official in history in Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, yet he launches cruel attacks on transgender Americans. 

Make no mistake: Those attacks are claiming lives. Trans people are killing themselves. I know of one trans person who died by suicide on Election Night, overwhelmed by fear of the incoming administration. Trump’s attacks have driven trans Americans and their families to flee the country and move to Canada, as the Blade has reported. 

None of this is hypothetical or melodramatic. It’s real life and happening everywhere. 

And so when Bessent was confirmed as Treasury Secretary, I wrote an op-ed urging him to educate Trump about the plight of trans Americans and the destructiveness of the attacks on the community. I waited 90 days for some sign that Bessent has a heart or at least a modicum of decency but sadly, I must report that he does not. 

The attacks on the LGBTQ community under Trump keep coming. Last week’s news that the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services is planning to retire the national 988 crisis lifeline for LGBTQ youth on Oct. 1 is just the latest evidence that this administration doesn’t just dislike us — they want us dead.

“Ending the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline’s LGBTQ+ youth specialized services will not just strip away access from millions of LGBTQ+ kids and teens — it will put their lives at risk,” Trevor Project CEO Jaymes Black said in a statement.

The service for LGBTQ youth has received 1.3 million calls, texts, or chats since its debut, with an average of 2,100 contacts per day in February.

Make no mistake: cutting this service will kill young LGBTQ people.

Just a couple of weeks earlier, Trump’s administration announced the Office of Infectious Disease and HIV/AIDS Policy would be gutted. 

“In a matter of just a couple days, we are losing our nation’s ability to prevent HIV,” said HIV+Hepatitis Policy Institute Executive Director Carl Schmid.

And prior to that, Trump issued a series of executive orders targeting the trans community — restricting access to affirming healthcare, banning trans service members from the military, barring trans women and girls from playing sports, eliminating the “X” gender marker on passports, and barring students assigned male at birth from using women’s restrooms.  

Let’s be very clear: When you deny someone the ability to use the bathroom, you deny their humanity.

So back to Scott Bessent, the billionaire hedge fund manager now running our economy into the ground. As many Trump protesters have noted: silence is complicity. And Bessent has been silent on all of these horrific attacks on trans Americans and their basic humanity. He is spineless and a traitor to the LGBTQ community. 

Bessent runs the U.S. Treasury and reportedly has Trump’s ear on all matters related to the economy. He could easily push Trump in a better, more compassionate direction, yet there is no evidence he has done that. 

“The LGBTQ+ community is counting on openly LGBTQ+ nominees like Scott Bessent to step up for the community,” said Human Rights Campaign President Kelley Robinson after the inauguration. Sadly, it’s become clear we cannot count on Bessent. As I wrote in January, Trump likes his queer people gay, white, cis, rich, and obedient. 

Bessent has ignored the Blade’s interview requests. (And after this is published, I have no illusions he will change his mind.) The mainstream media, increasingly cowed by Trump, have failed to ask Bessent even the most basic questions about his views on trans equality and Trump’s attacks. 

As a member of the LGBTQ community, Bessent has a responsibility to at least speak up on behalf of trans people who are suffering. But Republicans today have lost their spines. They genuflect before their Dear Leader, line their own pockets, and leave the rest of us to deal with the consequences. 

The crisis is real. People are dying. Trans people especially are suffering. The rest of us must do what we can to mitigate that suffering and to speak out in defense of our trans friends. 


Kevin Naff is editor of the Washington Blade. Reach him at [email protected].

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Congressional Equality Caucus should participate in WorldPride

Make bold statement about our commitment to LGBTQ rights

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(Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

The Trump administration, by its actions, has already hurt WorldPride. By attacking trans people, they have gotten many nations to suggest to trans citizens they not come to the United States. Canada’s queer group has said it is advising its people not to come. It is sad in so many ways. But despite what the felon in the White House is doing, WorldPride will be a success. It can be a time to not only have fun, but to make a point to the administration and the world. What was the old saying, “We’re here, we’re queer, and we’re not going anywhere, so get used to it.”  The LGBTQ community in the United States has made great strides since Stonewall in 1969, and there is no way we are going back into the closet. 

One way we can make a strong statement is if every member of the Congressional Equality Caucus would come out and join hands with constituents from their state, who are coming to D.C. for WorldPride. Together, they can take a stand for equality. Together, they can make a statement about our country to the world; that the United States values and supports its LGBTQ community. 

This year from May 17-June, we are anticipating huge crowds in Washington, D.C. for WorldPride. Let us together make sure they are all safe and that they have an exciting and fun time while here. But at the same time we should use this gathering to speak out, for our community here, and the LGBTQ community around the world. 

We must show the felon in the White House, and his MAGA acolytes in Congress, and around the nation, all those who would keep us down, we can, and will, stand up for ourselves. We are only willing to move one way, and that is forward toward full equality. Many years ago, during the early fight for recognition of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, there was an event staged by the group ACT UP, called ‘hands around the White House.’ It is time to stage something like that again. 

With all the attacks on the trans community, and as threats to the entire LGBTQ community continue, we need to stand together, and stay strong. We need to join with everyone else who is fighting back against the felon, and his Nazi sympathizing co-president, in the White House. To join in the demonstrations, fight back, and not fall for the distractions meant to take us from our goals. Those goals must include defeating every Republican in elections in 2025, and taking back Congress in 2026. I say every Republican, only because today there is no longer a rational Republican Party. That party has become a MAGA Party, or ‘Cult of Trump.’ That is sad, but it’s true. It is not up to Democrats, or independents, to change the Republican Party; it is up to us to ensure their defeat until they change themselves. 

Until then we must work hard to elect Democrats across the nation. From school board, to county council, from statehouse to Congress. For the LGBTQ community that is the only way we will move forward on equality. It is the only way we can defeat those who want to ban books about our lives, and try to force us back in the closet. We must say a resounding NO to that. 

We must vote for Democrats because history shows us, any other vote, a vote for a third party, helps Republicans win. The reality, like it or not, is today there are only two parties that can win a general election. Yes, in a few rare districts, a third party has won. But this is rare and let’s not take the chance of that happening if there isn’t a history in your state, or district, or community, where it happened in the past. Be smart! While you may not like everything the Democratic Party stands for, it has proven, its members stand for the rights of the LGBTQ community. The incredible progress since Stonewall has been because the Democratic Party has worked with the activists in our midst, to make that progress. Let’s not give up now and move backwards with the MAGA Party. Together, let’s retake our government, and continue to move forward until we have full equality. That must be the goal we join hands for, and pledge to work toward. 


Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.

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How I changed my documents

Process in Md. cost around $300

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identification, gay news, Washington Blade
(Bigstock photo)

With legislation making it more difficult for transgender and gender non-conforming people to change their passports and other documents, it is now a race against the clock to change as many of them as possible. 

Trans Maryland and Advocates for Trans Equality are among the groups that offer workshops and online resources.

Here’s how I did it in Maryland:

A letter from your primary care provider

The first thing you’ll need to get any of this rolling is a document from your primary care provider that shows proof of hormone therapy, gender incongruence, or both. In my experience, this is important to have prior to getting anything started because some states require some sort of proof in order to certify the change.

Some courts may need a therapist’s letter as well, but it depends on what state you live in. With this document, you’ll be able to bring it to the respective offices and it will give a valid reason for you to get your desired gender marker.

A court order

The next thing you will need is a court order that recognizes your gender identity. It is a precaution just to avoid any wasted time or confusion at any offices going forward. You will go to the circuit court website for what state/county you reside in and find a document that is a petition to change your gender. Here is an example from Maryland. 

You will print that document and fill out the petition for your respective titles with or without a name change and take it to the Circuit Court. Some courts may require the appointment. There, you will present the petition and letter and pay a fee — Maryland’s fee is $165, however there are fee waivers for those that apply. After, you will wait some weeks for the court order to show up.

Social Security card

Unfortunately, as of January 2025, the Social Security Administration has ceased any gender changes in their system. As with the fight for passports reflecting the holder’s proper gender identity, the Human Rights Campaign and the American Civil Liberties Union may bring a case to regain access in the future.

Identity card/driver’s license

After getting your primary care letter and court order, make a standard appointment for Identification Services at the local DMV and bring the paperwork. Though the Maryland Court’s website says there is no need to get a court order to change any documents, the clerk at the Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration (Maryland’s DMV) stressed that I needed the updated Social Security card changed in order to get an updated ID.

I was able to get it changed prior to the Trump-Vance administration, however given the current circumstances, if there is any pushback from any clerk or official who say they require a Social Security card, very adamantly cite the official gov website if applicable, and use the court order, despite the fact you should not need one to get your ID updated.

Birth certificate

Should all have gone well with the ID, the last document to amend is the birth certificate. 

Unfortunately, this may be the most difficult document that you are able to amend because it must be done within your home state and some states, such as Oklahoma, Florida, Tennessee, and Texas, have already banned altering birth certificates. 

In D.C., where I changed my own, there have been no known issues or legislation passed for changing the name and gender marker on the document. You will search your state government websites for the vital records department, find a Gender Designation Application and fill out the necessary information. The D.C. application is here:

On D.C.’s application, you must sign the document in front of a notary in order for it to be valid. Several mail offices, such as UPS, offer notary services for relatively cheap. Upon getting the application notarized, you can bring all documents you have already updated along with the court order and primary care letter to an appointment at the vital records office. All the previous work done should make this fairly easy if you are in a state that hasn’t made heavy strides to halt the process. 

All in all, with about a month of your time, about $300, and a state that supports your right to self-actualization, you should still be able to change most of your documents.

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