Living
New year new you
Kickstart your image resolutions with our self-improvement guide
Daniel Phoenix Singh says keeping your workout gear handy helps you squeeze in quick exercise breaks when windows of time open up unexpectedly. (Blade photo by Pete Exis; special thanks to the Maryland Youth Ballet))
Lean locals share fitness tips
After the inevitable holiday excess, many among us are bemoaning the ab definition we lost after the eggnog and peanut butter balls. But fitness topics are not esoteric — we pretty much know what to do. It’s a matter of finding the motivation to do it. That’s where little tips and tricks can come in handy.
Maintaining Herculean abs and guns can take over your life but what about all those local LGBT folks who always look fit and trim no matter when you see them? We asked a few of them to share their favorite workout and diet tips in the hope that something will click for you.
“I am not a good example for eating,” says Scott Beard, a concert pianist. “Breakfast is usually coffee. I would say the best thing is to be in a regular workout routine. Make time for it. And mix up your workouts so your body is ‘surprised’ by new exercises. Also watch the alcohol intake. A beer is like drinking a loaf of bread.”
Brian Watson of Transgender Health Empowerment was one of those lucky few who managed to stay naturally thin without working out. But he just turned 30 and decided he could use some ab definition.
“Something I think helps is that I drink a lot of water,” he says. “Whenever I eat, I have a glass of water. I think that not only has that helped keep me thin, but healthy. It eliminates a lot of the sugar, caffeine, etc., that a lot of people put in their bodies everyday. I’m also one of those people who don’t mind taking the stairs instead of the elevator.”
Clark Ray of the Greater Washington Sports Alliance believes in moderation, structure and maintenance.
“Eat what you want but be sensible,” he says. “For structure, make a schedule and stick to it. And with maintenance, you have to be persistent. Work to maintain the personal achievement you’ve made and set goals for new desires and results.”
Realtor Evan Johnson is an avid runner. He runs 3.5 miles six days per week and augments it with 30-minute weight training exercises five-to-six days per week. He says working out very early — before the sun is up — works well for him.
Ebone Bell (Capital Queer Prom) lost 42 pounds over the past six months. She was going for a “slim and healthy look,” and achieved it by sticking to a low-calorie diet (less than 2,000 calories per day), going to the gym three-to-four times per week and balancing cardio and strength training.
“And don’t sleep on Zumba,” she says. “It’s a fun way to burn a lot of calories in just an hour.”
Lesbian Anya Maleknasri is a trainer at Gold’s Gym in Manassas and has several tips. She says finding a gym near work is better than home.
“If you’re driving toward the house, you’re more likely to pass it up for the couch,” she says. “But if it’s near your work, you’ll consider it still work time.”
She also suggests organic, grass-fed meats, healthy fats, nuts, vegetables and fruit.
“Our bodies were intended to eat,” she says. “Fat does not make you fat. Processed food and sugar makes you fat.”
Also, “workouts should be short and intense,” she says. “If it’s easy, it’s probably not going to create any change. But three-to-four days of 20-30 minutes of hard work with a clean diet and you will see change in only a few days. Staying fit and healthy is not a resolution. There are no quick fixes or special pills you can take. But everyday is a new start and there is no end point. Stay realistic and change your lifestyle and your health will turn into a life-long reality.”
Josh Bennett, a singer and dancer with the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington — he’s the one they always put in the scantily clad attire since he’s so buff, says getting into a healthy routine is “an entire lifestyle change.”
“You have to be ready to change your diet and to push your body to new limits,” he says. “It’s never easy but the health rewards are great. The single biggest hurdle is motivation. It’s never easy to get off the couch and put down the chips but think of an event or person whom you want to look good for and post pictures of them on your phone/TV/computer or mirror. Use that motivator as a constant reminder to clear the junk food out of your kitchen and get on your feet.”
Kevin Platte, founder and director of the eternally shirtless D.C. Cowboys, advises healthful foods in smaller amounts.
“It’s all about portion sizes,” he says. “As we get older, we don’t need to eat like we did when we were teenagers. And remember — drinking a cocktail is like eating a dessert.”
He advises a solid exercise program with a special focus on abs.
Jerry Zremski, a gay D.C.-based reporter for the Buffalo News, finds it helpful to make fitness part of a daily routine. Working out at the same time each day helps him stick to a plan. He also eats meals at regular times and doesn’t snack.
“Consider hiring a trainer if you want to add muscle,” he says. “I did and it worked, even at my advanced age, which I am not revealing.”
His other favorite tip, which works great for D.C., is — “if your destination is less than a mile away, walk.”
Gay dancer Daniel Phoenix Singh (he has his own eponymous dance company), maintains his trim physique by augmenting the workout he gets from dancing with yoga, cardio and weight training. He’s also a vegetarian.
“I watch what I put in my mouth,” he says with a sly chuckle.
“Also be ready to work out any time,” he says. “I always keep my yoga mat, workout clothes and sneakers in my car so there is never an excuse. Because believe you me, I’m just like everyone else — I’d rather spend the evening watching YouTube videos if I could find an excuse to skip working out.”
— COMPILED BY JOEY DiGUGLIELMO
Freezing the fat
Achieve your New Year’s goal with safe, new procedure
By DR. KHALIQUE ZAHIR
The New Year brings many resolutions. Looking good is the first and most important one. Exercising and dieting can help, but there are some areas that won’t change, no matter how many Pilates classes you attend. The desire to look perfect can be frustrating, because you can only change so much on your own.
CoolSculpting by ZELTIQ is one of the non-invasive ways to reduce fat in targeted areas of the body that results in a natural-looking fat reduction in the areas treated. This method uses a cooling technology that targets fat cells through a process that does not harm the surrounding tissue. This procedure can reduce unwanted abdominal fat, love handles and back fat. It is performed in a dermatology office with a topical applicator that cools targeted fat cells under the skin. Only those areas targeted get fat reduction. All individuals can resume normal daily routines after the procedure. Patients may start to see changes as quickly as three weeks after their treatment, and will experience the most dramatic results after two months. The body continues to flush fat cells and will continue doing so for up to four months.
Some areas are not necessarily best suited for this freezing technique and are better handled with more immediate micro lipo-contouring procedures to remove bulges quickly. Identifying your specific needs is the most important thing, and can only be done after an evaluation. In many places, you can have a complimentary consultation with a cosmetic team. Some areas not suited for the Coolsculpting method are best treated using a tumescent lipo-contouring method. Many of these procedures can be performed with you awake and pain free in office, with minimal to no down time. Certain areas of the chest, neck and the abdomen respond best with this treatment and offer results within the first week.
Using the newer modalities in reduction of swelling and bruising has made outpatient body contouring popular and achievable for anyone with the challenges of unwanted body fat. Establishing a regimen best suited for your lifestyle needs with a board certified plastic surgeon is the first step toward succeeding in getting through the New Year’s resolution list. With all the newer innovative technology available, treat yourself to a procedure that can help you in your efforts to look as good as you can, quickly, effectively, and today.
In addition to getting the body you want this year, getting your skin in picture perfect condition is always right up there on the list. Smoother, softer, more even, unblemished and younger-looking skin are what people seek. There are so many things that can be done now to achieve the skin you want.
Lasers, combined with a good skin care regimen, can often solve almost any problem, or get you close to the desired result you’re looking for. Lasers can even out pigmentation, reduce redness, brighten, tighten, reduce and smooth out scarring, reduce or eliminate age spots, and much more. The most important thing when it comes to lasers it to go a dermatologist’s office, with board-certified dermatologists. Many states differ in their regulations on who can perform lasers, but you want to go to a dermatology practice if there is going to be someone performing lasers on your skin. Dermatologists see the skin differently than anyone else, and it is important for you to get someone who can look at your skin comprehensively, with an expert eye.
Dr. Khalique Zahir is with the Dermatology Center and Rockledge MedSpa with three Locations: Northwest D.C., Bethesda and Germantown. Visit dermskin.com or call 301-968-1200 for more information.
In the rapidly evolving world of real estate, two major trends are converging to shape the homes of the future: sustainability and smart home technology. As more people become aware of the environmental impact of their choices, and as technology continues to advance at a breakneck pace, these two trends are increasingly influencing buying decisions in the residential real estate market. For those looking to buy or sell a home, particularly within the LGBTQ community, understanding these trends is essential. At GayRealEstate.com, we recognize the importance of these developments and how they contribute to a better, more sustainable future for all.
Demand for Sustainable Living
Sustainability is no longer just a buzzword — it’s a key factor in the decision-making process for many homebuyers. The modern consumer is increasingly conscious of their carbon footprint and is seeking homes that align with their values. Sustainable homes, also known as green homes, are designed to be energy-efficient and environmentally friendly. They often feature solar panels, energy-efficient windows, and advanced insulation systems, all of which contribute to reducing the home’s overall energy consumption.
One of the primary benefits of sustainable homes is the long-term cost savings they offer. By utilizing renewable energy sources like solar power, homeowners can significantly reduce their utility bills. Additionally, many governments and municipalities offer tax incentives and rebates for homes that incorporate green technology, making the initial investment in sustainability more financially viable.
The Rise of Smart Home Technology
Simultaneously, smart home technology is becoming a must-have feature in modern homes. What was once considered a luxury is now becoming a standard expectation for many buyers. Smart homes are equipped with devices and systems that can be controlled remotely via smartphones, tablets, or voice-activated assistants like Amazon Alexa or Google Home. These technologies include smart thermostats, security systems, lighting, and even kitchen appliances, all designed to make life more convenient, efficient, and secure.
Smart home technology is particularly appealing for its ability to optimize energy use. For example, a smart thermostat can learn a homeowner’s schedule and automatically adjust the temperature to reduce energy consumption when the house is empty. Similarly, smart lighting systems can be programmed to turn off when not in use or to dim based on the time of day or natural light levels, further contributing to energy savings.
Intersection of Sustainability, Smart Technology
The most forward-thinking homes are those that successfully integrate sustainability with smart home technology. This intersection is where the real innovation in real estate is happening. Homes that combine these elements offer not only reduced environmental impact but also enhanced living experiences.
Imagine a home where solar panels are not just installed but are also connected to a smart grid that optimizes energy use based on real-time data. Or consider a home with a rainwater collection system that works in tandem with smart irrigation to water the garden efficiently and sustainably. These are not just futuristic ideas — they are already being implemented in new developments across the country.
In fact, this integration is becoming a key selling point in competitive real estate markets. Buyers are increasingly looking for homes that offer both energy efficiency and the convenience of modern technology. For sellers, this means that investing in these features can significantly increase the value of their property and make it more attractive to potential buyers.
Impact on Property Values
As sustainability and smart technology become more ingrained in the real estate market, their impact on property values is becoming increasingly evident. Homes equipped with these features are often valued higher than comparable properties without them. Buyers are willing to pay a premium for homes that offer lower energy bills, reduced environmental impact, and the latest in home technology.
For LGBTQ real estate buyers and sellers, particularly those who value innovation and environmental responsibility, these trends represent an exciting opportunity. By focusing on sustainability and smart home technology, you can find or create a home that not only meets your needs but also contributes to a better, greener future.
(At GayRealEstate.com, we are committed to helping our clients navigate these emerging trends. Whether you are looking to buy, sell, or simply explore the possibilities, our network of knowledgeable and LGBTQ-friendly real estate professionals is here to guide you every step of the way. Together, we can make sustainable, smart living a reality for everyone.)
Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at 303-378-5526 or [email protected].
Advice
My boyfriend has gained 50 pounds and won’t change
Should I stay with someone who refuses to get off of the couch?
Dear Michael,
My boyfriend of five years has been steadily putting on weight and now I would say he is about 50 pounds heavier than when we met, which was the summer of 2019.
First he blamed the weight gain on COVID. Like most people we were stuck at home, anxious, and overindulging in comfort food; and the gym wasn’t an option. So I didn’t say anything and figured things would return to “normal” once we got through the pandemic.
I will say, though, that I managed to not gain much weight during that time because I found ways to exercise. He didn’t want to join me and I didn’t push.
Although we’re long past COVID, Tim hasn’t changed his ways. He never went back to the gym and continues to eat whatever he wants. I’d say his main hobby is sitting on the couch watching TV and eating junk food.
To make matters worse, his sister recently told me that historically Tim has been a heavy guy. He’d never bothered to share this with me, so I had no idea.
Evidently I met him on the tail-end of an intense push to get in shape. So he looked really good at the time, but that was temporary.
When I confronted him about this, he was mad at his sister for telling me and said I had no right to talk about him behind his back. Well, I didn’t ask her—she just brought it up, and was surprised that I was surprised.
Tim is annoyed that I keep voicing my unhappiness about his being out of shape. He says he is the same sweet and loving person I fell in love with and I’m shallow to be so upset by surface appearances.
I told him he was trying to gaslight me: If he feels that love should have nothing to do with how you look, then why did he go to all the trouble to lose weight and get in shape before we met? I feel like he did it to get a boyfriend and then thought he could just go back to being fat once he was in a relationship.
So now he’s mad at me for saying he’s basically a devious schemer. I didn’t use those words but it’s true I don’t trust him and feel taken advantage of.
Besides the weight, it’s not attractive to see him just basically lie around all the time and not take care of his body.
I asked if he’d consider some drug like Ozempic and he got really angry and said I’m awful to suggest something that might have all sorts of side effects just so that I will be happier with his looks.
The upshot is, I feel stuck with a guy who turns me off and doesn’t want to do anything about it and tells me I’m shallow for not being in love with him no matter what he looks like.
My friends tell me to dump him, but does he have a point?
Michael replies:
You get to decide whom you want to date. You are very far from alone in wanting an energetic and physically attractive partner.
It’s true that no one stays gorgeous, and has an amazing body, forever. We all have to accept the changes that time brings to our partners and to ourselves. But that is different from accepting a partner who isn’t making any effort to take care of himself.
Aside from the lack of self-care, Tim’s refusal to share significant details about his life, or his thoughts and motives around big issues, is both a trust-destroyer and a huge roadblock to your having a close or intimate relationship. And the way that Tim blows off your questions, and attacks you for being curious or confused, is a recipe for distance and resentment. It is also unkind.
Now let’s look at your part in this. I’m curious about what has been keeping you in this relationship. You haven’t said anything about what you like (or love) about Tim. All I know is that he describes himself as sweet and loving.
Maybe he has some wonderful qualities you haven’t mentioned. Or maybe it’s hard for you to stand up for yourself? To let someone down? To have a boundary when it’s important?
My biggest questions: Do you have a history of picking partners who underperform in some major ways? Or is the first time you’ve found yourself constantly disappointed by your partner, and constantly pushing him to do better?
Somehow you’ve created a life where you are hitting your head against a brick wall, getting nowhere, continuing to do it, and complaining about the pain. Tim’s made clear that he doesn’t want to do anything different, and yet you continue to push him to change. Your behavior might be leading him to dig in. In any case, it’s leaving you miserable.
In any relationship, you can certainly ask for what you would like from your partner. But you have to let go of the result. And if the answer is “no,” you can either accept it, or drive the two of you crazy.
If you do care about this relationship, and Tim, and yourself, you could propose to Tim that the two of you meet with a couples therapist. Perhaps this would help Tim to open up and to get a grip on his behaviors. It might also help you to understand why you might be keeping yourself stuck in a miserable position, so that you can raise your level of functioning in this relationship.
One more important thought: Tim’s lack of self-care and energy make me think that he is depressed. I wonder if Tim—before you met him, at least—was one of the many gay men who feel intense pressure to have a certain kind of body. It isn’t always easy, or even possible, to sustain this kind of appearance. And I wonder if he may be ashamed of where he is, which might be one big reason for his defensiveness.
Again, couples therapy—or individual therapy—might help him address whatever is keeping him down. But Tim would have to be willing to go. You can make the suggestion, but you cannot force him to change.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Real Estate
Stylish solutions for furry friends
From a cozy dog bed to a chic cat tree, there’s a wide range of options
In today’s world, pets are more than just companions; they are family members. I know – I have four dogs.
As pet owners increasingly seek to create comfortable and stylish living spaces for their furry friends, pet furniture has evolved from basic necessities to trendy, functional, and aesthetically pleasing pieces. Whether you’re looking for a cozy bed for your dog, a chic cat tree, or multifunctional furniture that blends seamlessly with your decor, the market offers a wide range of options.
Pet furniture isn’t just about luxury; it’s about improving your pet’s quality of life and making your home more functional. Traditional pet beds, scratching posts, and kennels have their place, but modern pet furniture goes beyond the basics to offer enhanced comfort and durability.
Well-designed pet furniture can provide several benefits.
Comfort and Support: Just like humans, pets need proper support for their joints and muscles. Orthopedic beds and ergonomic furniture pieces cater to the specific needs of aging pets or those with health issues.
Behavioral Benefits: Cats scratch, dogs chew, and pets generally need an outlet for their instincts. Specialized furniture, such as scratching posts, climbing trees, and chew-friendly materials, can reduce destructive behaviors.
Aesthetic Appeal: Gone are the days of unsightly pet beds and clunky kennels. Today’s pet furniture is designed to complement your interior decor, making it easy to integrate into your living space without compromising style. Many furniture pieces are customizable, allowing you to choose colors, materials, and even monogramming to match your personal taste.
Space-Saving Solutions: Multifunctional pet furniture, like beds that double as storage units or cat trees that also serve as bookshelves, are perfect for those living in smaller spaces. They help maximize space while providing for your pet’s needs.
Before diving into where to buy pet furniture, it’s important to understand the different types available. Here are some popular options.
Pet Beds: From plush, cushioned beds to minimalist, elevated cots, pet beds come in a variety of styles. Some are designed for specific breeds or health conditions, such as orthopedic beds for older pets or heated beds for colder climates.
Cat Trees and Scratching Posts: Cat furniture is essential for felines who love to climb, scratch, and perch. Modern designs often feature multiple levels, cozy hideaways, and built-in scratching posts.
Pet Sofas and Chairs: These miniature versions of human furniture are perfect for pets who love to lounge. They often feature stylish upholstery and sturdy construction.
Pet Houses and Tents: Indoor pet houses and tents provide a safe and private space for pets to relax. They come in various materials, including wood, fabric, and even wicker, to match your decor.
Pet Stairs and Ramps: For older pets or those with mobility issues, stairs and ramps help them reach higher surfaces without strain. In fact, I just bought a set of foam steps so my aging dogs can still avail themselves of the family sofa. They also have a ramp to get to my deep mattress bed.
Multifunctional Furniture: These pieces serve dual purposes, like a coffee table that doubles as a pet bed or a bench with built-in pet storage. You can even hide food and water bowls in a pull out designed for the toe kick of your kitchen cabinets.
Chewy is a go-to destination for pet supplies, and they offer a wide range of pet furniture options. Whether you’re looking for a simple bed or a designer cat tree, Chewy has a variety of styles and price points. They also frequently offer discounts and free shipping on orders over a certain amount.
Known for its vast selection of home furnishings, Wayfair also offers a broad range of pet furniture options that are perfect for those looking to match their pet’s furniture with their home decor. Look for options from the PawHut brand.
If you’re looking for unique, handcrafted pet furniture, Etsy is the place to shop. Many independent sellers create custom pieces, such as personalized pet beds, handmade cat trees, and stylish pet houses.
Amazon offers an extensive range of pet furniture, from budget-friendly options to high-end, designer pieces. With fast and often free shipping, it’s a convenient choice for pet owners looking to compare different products.
Petco and PetSmart are also popular pet stores that offer both in-store and online shopping. Their selections include functional and affordable options from well-known brands in the pet industry.
Whether you’re on a budget or looking for luxury pieces, your furry friend deserves the best, and with the right furniture, you can create a home that’s comfortable and beautiful for humans and pets alike.
Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH Real Estate/@properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.
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