Arts & Entertainment
Queery: Matt Bailer
The Mixtape DJ answers 20 gay questions
Matt Bailer was at Taint, a party at DC9, a few years ago and he saw Shea Van Horn dancing. Van Horn caught his eye, but not in “that” way.
“He just had this really magnetic way of dancing that made me want to know him,” Bailer says. “I could just tell he was having a lot of fun.”
Bailer, who’s been DJing professionally about five years, guest DJed for Taint at Van Horn’s invitation shortly thereafter. They talked over the summer and made plans to start their own party, having discovered how well their sets complemented each other. That September, they threw their first Mixtape, a party of rotating venues that features “anything you can dance to.” Last month, they had their four-year anniversary party at the Howard. A special “Halloween edition” is set for Wednesday, also at the Howard, starting at 10:30 p.m. ($10 cover). Visit mixtapedc.com for details. The event won Best Men’s Party in this year’s Best of Gay D.C. readers’ poll and typically draws between 800-1,000 music lovers.
Bailer, a Camp Springs, Md., native, DJs full time. He also spins at the weekly Friday Night Kickoff party at Nellie’s and at the ‘90s-themed Peach Pit at DC9 the third Saturday of the month.
After studying theater at Duke in North Carolina in the ‘90s, Bailer went to West Hollywood to pursue a recording career but was soon beset with a crystal meth addiction. After rehab and sobriety meetings that he still attends, Bailer says the key to “reprogramming my brain” was realizing how much better his life has become since those days.
“As time continued to pass, life started getting really good … and the more you kind of realize, ‘Oh well, that’s why I was living in my car before and had no money to my name because I was doing these drugs and now life is really good.’”
But isn’t it tempting spending so much time in gay nightlife circles? Bailer, who DJs full time, says he manages to stay clean because he views his nights out as having a job to do. He doesn’t go out often when he’s not working.
Bailer is single and enjoys music, movies, games and hanging out with friends in his free time. He lives at 14th and T, N.W.
How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
Since National Coming Out day my freshman year of college which was October, 1994. I’d always told myself that I wouldn’t tell my parents before they were ready to ask, and I wouldn’t lie when they did. It was an adjustment for them, but I was blessed with two amazing parents and a sister who love and support me unconditionally.
Who’s your LGBT hero?
Probably Sophie B. Hawkins. Her song “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” changed the way I listened to music and soon thereafter I started writing and recording my own original songs. Also, I don’t know if I’d call this person my LGBT hero per se, but there used to be a drag queen in Washington named Berlene who inspired the hell out of me in the late 1990s. She has since passed away, but she was the first truly ingenious drag performer I ever saw, pushing all the boundaries and working hard for every dollar she made. She also happened to be a very sweet person.
What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?
Well it’s both the truth and shameless self-promotion, but I’ll be having the most fun wherever I’m DJing on any given night, which would be Nellie’s every Friday night, Mixtape on the second Saturday of the month, or Peach Pit at DC9 on the third Saturday of the month.
Describe your dream wedding.
Family, friends, laughter, music, dancing, unicorns, fireworks, Wilson Phillips performing “Hold On” — does there have to be a groom?
What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?
12-step programs work. Cancer sucks.
What historical outcome would you change?
The premature cancellations of “My So-Called Life” and “Pushing Daisies.”
What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
I remember exactly where I was — in line for the bathroom at VelvetNation — when I found out Madeline Kahn had died.
On what do you insist?
Honesty, kindness and a sense of humor.
What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?
I may sound like an old fuddy-duddy, but sometimes I wish they would collect everyone’s phones when they enter the club and give them back as they leave. Trust me, it’ll be way more fun if you stop texting and dance.
If your life were a book, what would the title be?
Uhhh, I dunno. “Matt Bailer & The Purple Crayon,” maybe? Purple is my signature color.
If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
I would be grateful for having existed before such regressive rubbish was possible. I am so happy to be who I am. I wouldn’t want to change a thing.
What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
I try to live by the Golden Rule, because karma can be a blessing or a bitch. The Serenity Prayer is an incredibly helpful, often self-fulfilling 10 seconds. I believe there’s a power greater than myself out there, which helps me stay humble and grateful and sober. And I know my amazing mother is watching my fabulous life unfold on the big picture screen in heaven and she’s smiling down on me.
What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?
Keep on truckin.’ Slow but steady wins the race.
What would you walk across hot coals for?
Peanut butter cream pie. My mom used to make it often after we got the recipe from my outstanding piano teacher Mrs. Lloyd-Potts. Coffee is the most complicated thing I can cook, but even I learned how to make peanut butter cream pie ‘cuz it’s so freakin’ good.
What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?
“Glee” pretty much sums them all up.
What’s your favorite LGBT movie?
“Trick.” Runner-up: “Sordid Lives.”
What’s the most overrated social custom?
Oh don’t get me started. It actually relates back to my most recent Facebook post mentioned above, but it drives me INSANE how people seem utterly incapable of enjoying a club or a concert or even just a plain old conversation anymore without constantly disengaging to text or take pictures or video or whatever on cell phones.
What trophy or prize do you most covet?
I’ve already achieved more happiness than I ever dreamed of. I guess the cherry on top would be someone to share it with, but he hasn’t found me yet and I’m doing fine for now on my own.
What do you wish you’d known at 18?
Drugs are bad.
Why Washington?
I grew up in Prince George’s County near what is now the southern end of Metro’s Green Line. Washington is home for me. My sister and father both live less than an hour away. And as long as this city continues to grant me the privilege of making a career sharing music with people — something I’ve loved with all my heart since I was 5 years old — I can’t even begin to think about living anywhere else.
Television
Repression, toxic masculinity fuel intense queer drama ‘Half Man’
A solidly crafted, well-acted, fascinating binge watch
In 2024, when Richard Gadd’s “Baby Reindeer” became a stock-boosting hit for Netflix, there were few Americans who knew his name.
In the UK, however, the Scottish writer/comedian/actor had already emerged as a talent to be reckoned with, blending autobiographical stand-up comedy with theater to create a reputation as an edgy and provocative creator whose shows tended to be equal parts divisive and successful. One of these, his fictionalized true-life story of being stalked and sexually harassed by a female fan, became an Olivier Award-winning hit in the London theater; that was “Baby Reindeer,” and – in the form of a seven-episode miniseries adaptation – it became the vehicle that carried him to wider fame.
Two years later, Gadd has returned with another high-profile miniseries, this time for HBO Max, and like its predecessor, it’s a story that deals with queer sexual repression, unhealthy attachments, and a central relationship that can safely be described without exaggeration as “toxic” – and it’s an even darker (and more twisted) ride that stretches across decades.
“Half Man,” which debuted on April 23 and continues with one episode per week through May 14, is the story of two “brothers” – Niall (Jamie Bell) and Ruben (Gadd) – whose mothers (Neve McIntosh and Marianne McIvor) have become a lesbian couple after leaving their relationships with the boys’ respective fathers. They are seeming opposites in personality; Niall is quiet, sensitive, and secretly unsure about his sexuality, while Ruben is tough, rebellious, and prone to violence – and unsurprisingly, it’s a match made in hell.
We meet them at the top of the first episode as adults, on the day of Niall’s wedding, when Ruben shows up without warning; his appearance triggers what looks like fear in his “brother from another lover,” and a private meeting between them in a barn at the wedding site turns ugly, launching a flashback format that takes us back to their schooldays, when young Ruben (Stuart Campbell) – already in trouble with the law and trying for a new start – comes home from juvenile detention to become roommate, protector, and bully to young Niall (Mitchell Robertson), all in one.
It’s the dawn of a new and epic relationship, despite a history that has made Niall terrified of the older boy; their seemingly opposite qualities somehow mesh into a kind of symbiotic bubble, in which a tense equilibrium turns them into unlikely allies. Ruben makes sure Niall has nothing to fear from the sniggering schoolyard homophobes who target him, and Niall helps Ruben pass the tests he needs to pass in order to stay in school, Nevertheless, their dynamic is equal parts surprisingly tender and alarmingly lopsided. Though they form a bond, it’s a volatile one, and by the end of episode one – after an uncomfortable-to-watch late night incident that amounts to a sexual assault – there is little doubt that Ruben is a psychopath. By then, however, it’s too late; Niall has become hopelessly ensnared by his manipulations, and their dangerous attachment has taken permanent root.
In episode two, the timeline moves the past forward several years (while rolling the wedding-day story back a few hours as well), bringing Niall forward to his college years. Ruben is once again absent from his life, but the bond is still deep. He struggles to make connections in his new setting – including with another student, the openly gay Alby (Bilal Hasna), who recognizes a side of him that he has still yet to accept for himself. Though he gradually begins to adapt to his new social circle, his insecurities get the better of him – and despite warnings from his mother not to do so, he calls Ruben to come and visit. His arrival triggers another escalating series of incidents, this time entangling Niall’s new friends and culminating in a shocking, jealous-fueled explosion of violence.
Without going on with the story – after all, the two remaining episodes have yet to be released, so we wouldn’t want to spoil anything – it’s safe to say there’s a pattern here, and it’s intentional.
Gadd has already been public about his own struggles with repression, which were directly explored (albeit fictionally) in “Baby Reindeer,” and it’s clear that he had more to say about the effects they had on his life and identity.
As he put it himself, in an interview with the Hollywood Reporter, “Themes of, I guess, masculinity, or what it means to be a man, or ‘I’ve gone through a masculinity crisis’ come into [the show] probably because I’ve been through that in my life, and I feel I can write to it and speak to it.
“I always think that the best kind of art is kept close to your chest, kept close to your heart, kept close to your experiences, and I guess with ‘Half Man,’ there’s a lot in it that I relate to. It’s not an autobiographical piece by any stretch, it’s purely fiction, but it certainly borrows from themes and struggles and issues that I understand.”
That understanding translates to the series through its focus on tracing the roots of Niall and Ruben’s relationship by methodically tracking the cause-and-effect chain that links the major events of their lives together. It explores the contradictory combination of worship and terror, the transgressive eroticism that intertwines danger and desire, the power of the forbidden to make us want it more, and the self-loathing that punishes itself through violence toward others. The inverted framework of the storytelling, which works both forward and back to meet at (we assume) some definitive point, makes following it a bit like putting together a puzzle, which also has the effect of building suspense as we wait to see the “moment of truth.”
Of course, those who prefer a more straightforward narrative might not appreciate the additional challenge, especially when the subject matter – which revolves around experiences, feelings, and behavior that might be entirely unfamiliar to many audiences – is challenging enough by itself, in its own way. Likewise, and for much the same reason, there will be viewers who are unable to relate to its characters, as some of the show’s less-favorable reviews have pointed out.
But it would be naive to assume that the themes in “Half Man” – of fragile masculinity, internalized homophobia, misdirected rage, nihilistic rebellion, conflicted desires, projected shame, and the other ingredients that infuse this shadow-boxing psychodrama with such a distinctive musky odor – do not apply to more men in today’s culture of incels, “looksmaxxers,” and “the Man-o-sphere” than any of them would like to admit. We’d wager that its portrait of a same-sex, sub/Dom, borderline incestuous relationship might resonate more urgently there than within a queer community that has been grappling with those issues for generations already and are just waiting for everybody else to catch up.
In any case, Gadd’s newest variation on a theme is a solidly crafted, well-acted, and hypnotically fascinating (if sometimes uncomfortable) exercise in the kind of “can’t look away” drama that makes for a perfect binge watch. Or, at least, it will once all the episodes drop.
The Miss Gay Western Maryland pageant was held at The Lodge in Boonsboro, Md. on Friday, May 1. Maria R. Posa was crowned the winner with Aura Fixation named first alternate. Both winners are qualified to compete in the 2026 Miss Gay Maryland America pageant.
(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)














Arts & Entertainment
A reign defined by commitment and human impact
Nicole Murray Ramirez defined era in International Imperial Court System
Writing about the reign of Nicole Murray Ramirez and the close leadership of King Father Terry Sidie requires far more than listing achievements, because what has been built over these years cannot be reduced to titles, ceremonies, or public recognition. It must be understood as the result of a sustained vision rooted in service, memory, solidarity, and the real ability to build bridges within and beyond the LGBTQ community.
At this point, looking back and assessing this period means acknowledging that this was not just another chapter in the history of the International Imperial Court System. It was a time shaped by far-reaching initiatives, a clear commitment to concrete causes, and a style of leadership that moved confidently between symbolic representation and public action. In that context, Nicole Murray Ramirez’s announcement that her reign will conclude in February 2027, along with the coronation of the person who will assume the throne as the new Queen Mother of the Americas, should not be read simply as the end of an era, but as a moment to fully recognize what has been built while also understanding that a new chapter is about to begin.
One of the most defining aspects of this reign has been its understanding that visibility alone is not enough. Visibility matters, but it only becomes meaningful when it leads to action, support, and measurable change. That has been a consistent strength of the work led by Nicole Murray Ramirez alongside key figures such as Terry Sidie.
The Jose Nicole Terry Scholarship and Educational Fund reflects that commitment. Reaching $400,000 is significant, but what matters most is what that represents in terms of opportunity and access.
This leadership also prioritized historical memory through initiatives like the National LGBTQ Wall of Honor at the Stonewall Inn and the recognition of Jose Julio Sarria.
Efforts such as the Harvey Milk postage stamp, the USNS Harvey Milk, and multiple recognitions for Sarria reflect a sustained commitment to public recognition and justice.
International outreach, financial support to global causes, advocacy for transgender communities, and engagement with organizations beyond national borders further define this period.
The expansion into Canada and the opening of a new chapter that includes Puerto Rico highlight the evolving nature of this leadership. The upcoming June coronation marks an important step in that direction.
Acknowledging that the reign was not perfect does not weaken its legacy. It reinforces its authenticity.
This was not an individual effort. It was collective work supported by a broad network.
As the transition toward Feb. 5, 2027, continues, what remains is a legacy built on action, commitment, and responsibility.
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