Living
Queery: DJ Rosie Hicks
The popular lesbian MC on teaching, her kids, and filling the floor
Rosie Hicks (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
Sleep experts say some people just need less sleep than others. DJ Rosie Hicks must be one of those — her toughest night is Thursday when she does hip-hop night at Club Hippo in Baltimore until 2 a.m., then has to be at work at 7:30 a.m. teaching special ed at one of the Kennedy Krieger schools.
For years she DJ’ed on both Thursday and Friday nights but only does one Friday night a month now.
“I don’t know, I just do it,” she says. “I’m used to it at this point. I’m fortunate I love both my jobs so I just go into it knowing I’m going to be a little more tired on Fridays.”
Hicks started spinning at Gallagher’s, a former women’s bar in Baltimore about 12 years ago. She was there one night when the manager fired the DJ and told the patrons they would have to provide their own music that night.
“I got hired that night,” Hicks says. “By the end of the night, all my friends were calling me DJ Rosie. I had never DJ’ed a day in my life.”
And she never stopped — in addition to her Hippo gig, she also has monthly nights at Cobalt (she’s spun for LURe since it started) and Phase 1 of Dupont in Washington. She also does weddings, parties and private events. Listen for her at the Her HRC event Sunday from 6-11 p.m. upstairs at Town (2009 8th St., N.W.). Her set is at 10 p.m. She’ll face off with lesbian DJs from Philadelphia, Boston and Washington. Tickets are available at the door or online. The event has its own page at hrc.org.
Hicks, who spins a mix of hip-hop, R&B, pop and more depending on the event, says she just all-around loves music.
“I love making people happy out there,” the 30-year-old Baltimore native says. “The whole point of coming out to a bar or club to hear a DJ is to let go of worries and cares and enjoy it.”
Hicks has lived in Baltimore her whole life except for a brief stint in Cincinnati in 2007. She lives in Hamilton, the same East Baltimore neighborhood in which she grew up. She and long-time partner Kris got married after five years together last fall. Together they’re raising daughters Khenna, 8, and Jaidenne, 11 (Kris’s from a previous marriage).
In her free time, Hicks enjoys coaching her daughter’s soccer team, sports, watching the Ravens and, of course, DJing.
How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
I’ve been out since I was 18 years old. I was most afraid to tell my father, because I have a much older brother who is also gay and my father almost never talked about him. About seven months into being out, I mentioned to my dad in a nonchalant way that I went out with a girl I was dating at the time. He asked me why I never told him that I was interested in women, and I replied that I was afraid. He told me that he loved me, already knew and it didn’t matter. Twelve years later, he and my mother continue to be my biggest supporters.
Who’s your LGBT hero?
I really like both Ellen and Rosie O’Donnell. Both of these women live or have lived their lives in front of cameras and are fully honest about their lives and marriages to women, yet continue to be successful individuals in the entertainment industry.
What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?
I’ll never forget my first visit to a gay club in D.C., the Hung Jury. It was a week after my 18th birthday and I had never danced with a woman before. Although I wouldn’t vote this club to be the “best” (more like a hole in the wall), I was certainly thankful that a club existed for 18 year olds to go and party with other women, as I had never experienced that and needed it. Venues for the underage crowd no longer exist! Fast forward to modern day D.C., and I absolutely love what women’s events I’m a part of, especially any LURe event. We recently celebrated our four-year anniversary at Cobalt and I’ve got nothing but love for that venue!
Describe your dream wedding.
I already had it right here in Baltimore on Oct. 12, 2012 at Cylburn Arboretum. We were surrounded by 125 friends and family, our parents walked down the aisle with us, the weather was perfect and everything went as planned! The icing on the cake? Not wanting to wait to see if Maryland passed marriage equality, we made our marriage official in D.C. a week prior, which requires a D.C. address on your certificate. Instead of having it done at the courthouse, a good friend of mine who is an officiant in the D.C. area married us at our favorite coffee shop, Starbucks on 14th Street!
What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?
I am very passionate about working with individuals with special needs especially those who are in the process of exiting the school system and preparing for the transition into adulthood.
What historical outcome would you change?
I would bring back some of our most iconic figures who were lost too soon. There were too many people who were wise beyond their years and taken away from us. Martin Luther King Jr., John F. Kennedy, etc.
What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
Boy bands and the fact that I still love them. But I’m talking ‘NSYNC, 98 degrees, and the Backstreet Boys. I know all the words and I’m not even ashamed! Losing Michael Jackson was also really tough.
On what do you insist?
Honesty, loyalty, integrity, laughter and a lack of overall B.S.
What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?
“Whyyyy do I always need the bathroom in an emergency fashion after leaving work?”
If your life were a book, what would the title be?
“Dear Rosie, When Do You Sleep?”
If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
I’d probably change the channel. I like being me, and I wouldn’t be who and where I am today without the fact that I’m a woman who loves women.
What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
I’m a non-church attending Christian, who has had plenty of personal proof that God is looking out for us. I’m far from a Bible thumper and would never try to sway even one person to believe what I do. With that said, I’m sure there is a DJ booth in the sky with my name on it whenever it’s that time.
What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?
Always remember to give back to the community that supports you and be grateful. None of us got where we are without support from someone.
What would you walk across hot coals for?
My wife Kris, my kids and my parents.
What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?
That there has to be a “guy” and a “girl” or rigid gender roles in every same-sex relationship. People assume that I’m the “guy” because I despise dresses and don’t do makeup. You know what they say about assuming right?
What’s your favorite LGBT movie?
I haven’t watched any LGBT movies in ages, but my coming out movie was definitely “But I’m a Cheerleader.”
What’s the most overrated social custom?
Valentine’s Day! Totally a waste of money. You should show your significant other love every day of the year.
What trophy or prize do you most covet?
Winning Best DJ in the 2012 Washington Blade Best of Gay D.C. was pretty amazing for me. It felt like my last 11 years of working hard to entertain the LGBT community finally paid off! I’d also say my two college degrees feel pretty good.
What do you wish you’d known at 18?
That 90 percent of the people I stressed about being my friend/dating me/ spending time with me at that time would only lead me to bigger and better things, and that it’s OK to lose some people along the way. The 10 percent who are still here (and you know who you are) are so very special to me and I’m always going to be thankful for that. Your social world at that time means so much to you, but as you get older and more focused, you see what’s truly important.
Why Washington?
I love the people, the culture and diversity, the energy and the nightlife. It’s the city that loves you back! Thank you D.C. for all the years we’ve shared, and here’s to many more!
One of the biggest headaches of the new home process is the actual moving part. By the time someone is buying a home, most people are beyond the “I just need a pickup truck, a pizza and a case of beer for my friends.”
If that is still someone’s preferred way to move, that’s great. However, many people find they need a much more robust plan. It can also trigger a lot of feelings about items one owns, what to do with them, do they have too much, should I keep this memento that I never use? Etc.
Moving is a chance for a person to “clean house” literally, figuratively, spiritually and energetically. A person can figure out which items they want to keep, and which need to go. As someone who recently moved across the country, I can speak to this experience. It’s also time for what people call “the fresh start effect.” This phenomenon, according to psychologists, can happen in little moments (like the start of a new work week) and bigger moments (such as moving from one home to the next).
The fresh start effect offers these benefits often mentioned by psychologists:
- Mental Accounting: Dates act as chapter breaks, letting you put past failures into a previous period.
- Psychological Distance: You separate your flawed past self from your aspirational future self (“That was the old me”).
- Optimism Boost: New beginnings clear mental clutter and increase your sense of agency and control
Does this mean that “the new you” will be the perfect version you envisioned? Probably not. We are humans. But it might mean you get a chance to “leave some of the old you behind” within the walls you used to live in, and now have a chance to have a new layout, a new décor, a new color pattern, new wallpaper, donate old furniture and books or magazines, throw out clothes you no longer use or fit in, and enjoy the opportunity to literally use the, “Does this spark joy?” method that was made so popular by Marie Kondo in her Netflix series.
So, for all its hassle and headache, moving is a chance to shake off the “old you” and try on the new you, to incorporate the items you would like to keep and use more of, and shed the items, habits, and ways of thinking that you feel no longer serve you.
I can speak to the experiences that several of my clients had when they moved from a previous residence to a newer one. It usually coincided with a change in relationship status, a change in employment, a change in family size, but sometimes it just seemed to correlate to a new attitude and perspective that the client was really hoping for.
I have literally had clients come to me after the fact, in tears, that they were so happy they made the decision to move out of a situation that no longer served them, and move into one that felt like a much better fit.
Change can be annoying and overwhelming at times, but usually most people come out the other side, not wanting to return to the way they were before.
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Despite a U.S. political climate that has made electric vehicles about as welcome as a vegan at a Texas barbecue, automakers haven’t gotten the memo. The 2027 BMW iX3 and Rivian R2—in showrooms soon—prove the point. But think of them as distant cousins: one arrives impeccably dressed; the other probably has a kayak strapped to the roof.
BMW iX3
$62,000
Range: Up to 434 miles
0 to 60 mph: 4.7 seconds
Cargo space: 30.4 cu. ft.
PROS: Huge driving range. Distinctive styling. Cutting-edge interior.
CONS: Quirky digital controls. Only one U.S. trim level. Pricey options.
WHAT’S NEW: This is BMW’s first production model on its state-of-the-art Neue Klasse platform, radically changing the technology, cabin and electric drivetrain.
The iX3 arrives on our shores in one trim level, the iX3 50 xDrive. Load it up with options and you can sail well past $80,000.
Depending on configuration, this luxe EV delivers an astonishing range before recharging. And a dual-motor, all-wheel-drive system produces 463 horsepower, which allows you to tootle around as fast as a Porsche 718 sportster.
The new “Panoramic iDrive” spreads information across the base of the windshield, supplemented by a central display and steering-wheel controls. An available 3D head-up display adds even more info. It’s futuristic, busy and unmistakably BMW—like someone decided the dashboard needed its own coming-out party.
Then there’s the “Heart of Joy” computer, which coordinates the motors, braking and steering for sharper responses and smoother control. The name may sound like something from a self-help retreat, but the innovation makes the iX3 seriously entertaining to drive.
You also can charge the iX3 from 10 percent to 80 percent in just 21 minutes. Nice.
This isn’t merely an electric X3 with the gasoline bits removed. It’s a tech reset for BMW. Compared with the R2, the iX3 is more polished, more luxurious…but, alas, considerably pricier.
RIVIAN R2
$45,000
Range: Up to 345 miles
0 to 60 mph: 5.9 seconds
Cargo space: 28.7 cu. ft.
PROS: Affordable luxury. Rugged looks. Clever storage.
CONS: No smartphone integration. No glass-roof shade. Touchy touchscreen.
WHAT’S NEW: Everything—the R2 is Rivian’s all-new, smaller electric SUV, and it brings the brand’s adventure-first attitude to a price point far below the larger R1S.
If the BMW iX3 is wearing a beautifully tailored jacket, the Rivian R2 has its sleeves rolled up.
With edgy styling, this is no anonymous crossover wearing an EV costume. Chunky details. Upright proportions. Distinctive lighting all give off an outdoorsy vibe without turning the R2 into a rolling REI catalog.
There are four configurations, with pricing from $45,000 to $58,000. That’s a big difference from the BMW—and potentially the R2’s biggest weapon.
The stats aren’t shabby, either. Driving range is from 275 to 345 miles. The dual-motor, all-wheel-drive setup produces between 350 horsepower and a frankly bonkers 656 horsepower. And the high-performance model lets you zip from 0-to-60 mph in just 3.6 seconds.
Drag-racing credentials? Absolutely!
Inside, there is lots of clever packaging, with flexible seating and generous storage. This EV is designed to carry actual stuff, not merely impress your neighbors.
Yes, there are quirks. Rivian skips Apple CarPlay and Android Auto, while everyday controls—some of which are less than intuitive—live on the touchscreen. And the panoramic glass roof lacks a conventional shade. Huh?
For some owners, those will be minor annoyances. For others, they’ll become daily reminders that Rivian marches to its own beat.
Perhaps that’s not a bad thing, though. The R2 feels less buttoned-up, more mischievous. It’s the automotive equivalent of Billy Porter ignoring the dress code and somehow looking better than everyone who followed it.
Advice
We’re getting married but our parents object
Will their disapproval and shortcomings derail our hopes for a happy life?
Dear Michael,
My girlfriend and I are getting married! We’re really excited, but we’ve got some big concerns as well.
All of our parents have had multiple marriages. I think 10 between the four of them. So we don’t have much in the way of role models for a successful marriage.
Also, we don’t have any parental support. Except for one of my ex-stepmothers whom I’m close to, none of our parents are happy that their daughter is getting married to another woman. That’s an understatement. Religious objections, moral objections, being angry that we’re “embarrassing them,” these are some of the things we’ve been told.
We do have some supportive siblings and step-siblings, which is great, although they’re getting pushback from parents about attending our wedding.
Given all this, what suggestions do you have for how we can make a go of our marriage? The divorce rate is over 50 percent for everyone. With all this baggage, we’re worried that we have even less of a chance. Thank you.
Michael replies:
First, congratulations!
Regarding your lack of family support: I’m sorry that you both have to deal with so much criticism, disdain, and judgment. Please don’t let your parents’ negativity influence your own views of yourselves and your relationship. Focus instead on the love and caring you will get from friends, community and the family who are present on your big day (I hope your siblings are brave enough to make it!). Being the recipients of that support is one of the sweetest parts of getting married.
Don’t worry about the high divorce rate. While some couples really shouldn’t stay married, lots of people get divorced because they don’t know what is required to have a good marriage, or don’t put in the effort to do so. That does not have to be your fate.
Similarly, your parents’ terrible track record doesn’t mean you have to repeat their marital histories. The skills to have a strong marriage are learnable.
To that end, here are the best tips I can offer the two of you:
- If you want a loving marriage, be a loving partner. Don’t snipe, sulk, or do the silent treatment when you’re mad. Unconditional love is largely a myth. Even our dogs won’t love us if we are mean to them.
- Don’t spend much time or effort focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong or how she is letting you down. Doing so leads to resentment and feeling like you’re a powerless victim. Instead, ask yourself what your own contribution is to the problem, and what you can do to make things better. You don’t have much power over your partner, but you have a lot of power over yourself.
You can certainly ask your spouse for what you’d like from her, but don’t expect to always get it. And don’t base your own wellbeing or good behavior on what your partner does or doesn’t do.
- Because any two people are always different in some important ways, there is no way that you both can always want the same things, or think the same way, or have the same priorities. Accept this! There has to be room for each of you to be an individual, not only part of a couple.
- Be generous as often as you can be, and have a boundary when it’s important for you to have one.
- When your spouse states that she has a boundary, respect it. Do not push her to back off from something that is important to her.
- Don’t keep score, including how much more you do or how often you don’t get your way. Instead, work together to have a collaborative marriage where you work together to make decisions and get things done.
- Strive not to weigh the relationship down with neediness. Once we’re grownups, it’s mainly our own job to soothe ourselves. You don’t want to burn out your partner’s empathy.
Of course you can ask for a hug, love, reassurance, support, advice, and a shoulder to cry on when you’re down. Just aim be the first person you turn to when you’re upset, and do your best to keep your own mood steady.
- Do not wait for your significant other to go first. Not on planning a date, not on apologizing, not on loading the dishwasher or cleaning the bathroom. If you wait for her to make the first move, you will have a resentful relationship where nothing good ever happens.
Keeping these principles part of your operating system, even — and especially — at those moments when your spouse isn’t doing her best, will go a long way toward helping you build and maintain a loving and happy marriage.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
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