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Queer conference explores language

Nuances exposed and examined — including porn star grunts, according to organizer

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kiss, Washington Blade, gay news

Organizers of the Lavender Language Conference say even the sounds gay porn actors make in the throes of passion have meaning and can teach us something about our gay lives. (Photo via Wikimedia)

Lavender Languages & Linguistics Conference
Friday through Sunday
American University
Washington
Prices vary — presentations may be attended individually and cost $25 per session for employed persons; discounts available for anyone who wants to attend but can’t afford to pay
Registration is possible on site or online
American.edu/lavenderlanguages

Watching gay porn at William Leap’s house near American University in Washington can be tedious.

“There’s a lot of hilarity with that,” Leap says. “My partner always wants to race through it. He says, ‘Oh, come on, this is stupid,’ and I’m like, ‘No, I need to listen to this. I want to hear the dialogue and really think about what phrases they’re saying.”

And yes, in a way, Leap does have a dialogue fetish but it’s not sexual. He’s a linguistics specialist and professor at American University in its College of Arts and Sciences’ Department of Anthropology. His 20th annual Lavender Languages & Linguistics Conference, which he says is the longest-running queer academic conference in North America, convenes today. He and a stable of other academics will welcome about 150 attendees from around the world to a weekend jammed with about 80 presentations on queer language. Language used in gay porn is just one of the many topics that will be covered.

“We have a guy coming, and this is such a hoot,” Leap says with palpable glee, “who’s doing a presentation comparing the sounds guys make in coital ecstasy with the sounds animals make in the zoo and in the wild. He’s actually doing a phonetic technical analysis and comparison to see how, for instance, [gay porn star] Damien Crosse grunts, so I don’t know, we’ll see what he comes up with.”

But even with nods to porn and gay pop culture, isn’t the conference a bit on the geeky and dry side? Leap says no and that the use of language — from the way words are spoken to the origins of phrases and expressions — has a profound effect on LGBT lives. Yes, it’s his pet passion, but he says there’s something any queer person could find useful in the event.

“I think the real value in it is that it reminds us that gay is not a single phenomenon and no one owns it,” Leap says. “No one has a right to stand up and speak for all queer people and part of what we have to do as academics is make it clear that there’s this vast diversity of things associated with the use of language. Gays and lesbians have a rich history that has largely been ignored. These cultural experiences are not being talked about in textbooks.”

Leap started the event in 1993 with a half-day event and about 85 in attendance. Now it’s three days and he expects about 150 to register in addition to “walk ins” who come for “a session or two.” It’s a non-profit event and Leap says those who are interested but can’t pay will not be turned away or denied lunch/refreshments. He also says there’s a refreshing non-snob factor with the professors whom he encourages to mingle with attendees from all walks of life.

“There’s no attitude here, no prima donnas,” he says. “We really want an environment where everybody is free to talk to everybody.”

David Peterson, a gay associate professor in the Department of English at the University of Nebraska at Omaha, has been attending and presenting almost every year since 1995. He says the topics that have been explored over the years at the Conference have endless “real world” implications for LGBT people.

“If we want to counter the kinds of things the Family Research Council, for example, is doing, we have to have some understanding of what they’re doing or it won’t be effective,” he says. “We can’t just protest it and say, ‘They’re just fundamentalist Bible thumpers,’ because they’re really not. It’s quite interesting, and not what many people would expect, that they don’t use a lot of scripture quoting on their website and in their arguments. … There’s been a shift. One of the things they do is pretend to be social scientists saying very homophobic things in what appears to be the objective language of science.”

Leap is happy to go anywhere during a phone chat this week. During an hour-plus conversation, he touched on dozens of topics. Among them:

• On understanding how gay language has changed in 20 years: “One of the most important things we’ve learned is that 20 years ago, many folks thought there was a gay language, a gay way of talking where you could identify a particular accent or a single way of doing things and while there’s probably some truth to that, what we’re realizing now is it’s terribly complex. There is no single way of talking, there is no such thing as a gay accent and it really varies across different groups, segments, classes and cultures. … You try to translate a phrase like “coming out of the closet” into French, for example, and their reaction would be, ‘Why would I be in a wardrobe?’ … If they’re actually talking about telling family and friends they’re gay, they would say it in an altogether different way and that’s just one example. Referring to the ‘gayborhood,’ is another that just has no French equivalent. And that’s just using French as an example. You can imagine how this varies around the world.”

 • Is faggot the new “n word”? “Well, yes and no,” Leap says. “A lot of guys use it as a term of self reference but get very angry if somebody else says it about them, so for many it is. It’s kind of like the high school expression, ‘That’s so gay,’ which is widely used as a bullying term. I don’t think this needs a whole lot of theorizing. It’s like queer was 20 years ago. We kind of took it back, made a joke of it and said, ‘You don’t own this term.’ We can do that with fag if we want.”

• Norman Lear could have Archie Bunker say fag on a sitcom 30 years ago but now celebrities who use the word get criticized and not just by GLAAD. What does that say about how language usage has changed? “It’s good because it keeps our issues on the front burner,” Leap says. “Yes, things have come a long way, but I still worry until we have some serious workplace protections in place. All these things we can do to keep that visibility going are good.”

• You say there’s no such thing as gay language, but you hear people say things like, “He was hot until he opened his mouth and a pink umbrella fell out.” People seem to know, at least among gay men in the U.S., pretty universally what that means. Thoughts? “It could be tone, it could be pitch. It’s really interesting because what it really shows us is that there’s no single thing as gay language, it’s really everyone’s perception of it. What they believe gay language to be.”

• Some celebs, when they come out, are very unequivocal. Others, such as Jodie Foster at the Golden Globes last month, don’t use the word lesbian, yet everyone watching knew what she meant. Does that cut it? “Of course it matters. Anyone who’s in a position of relative safety and privilege, should. I’m not going to say she should have, but I would have thought it would have been great and would have meant more to the 9-year-old girl watching. And yet what she did was absolutely wonderful and I’m dying to see a transcript of it, because you’re right, while everybody knew what she meant and it was her most direct statement yet, it was also terribly opaque on some levels. It’s a great example of using language in an indirect way though yeah, it would have been great if she’d just used the L word and been done with it.”

• LGBT has some universality to it, but people, in a quest to be inclusive, have added letters for those questioning, allies and so on. Is that OK? “This is when you see why the word queer has some appeal because it can encompass a whole range of counter-normative identities, aspirations and desires. And yes, this LGBTQ-adding on of letters gets to be this ridiculous alphabet soup where you can’t possibly include everybody in the phone book. A lot of it, for men who are same-sex identified, is, ‘Do you suck cock?’ But even then you have people, like Larry Craig, who are straight identified but like to suck cock. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want him on my team. One of the interesting things this leads to is how people make sense of themselves. You really start to see how many nuances there are to queer language.”

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Real Estate

Avoiding the basement blahs

Renovating a lower level can add significant value to your home

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Basement renovations often include home gyms or movie theaters. (Photo by pics721/Bigstock)

Sadly, we have waved goodbye to summer and are now slowly shifting from enjoying outdoor activities to things we can do indoors. If you are lucky enough to have a basement, renovating it into livable space can be a great winter project to dramatically increase the functionality and value of your home. 

Basements come with unique challenges due to their location below ground level, and overlooking critical aspects can lead to long-term problems. They are particularly vulnerable to dampness. Failure to address moisture can lead to mold growth, structural damage, and health hazards.

To tackle moisture control, start by checking for water leaks or seepage through the walls and floor. If moisture is present, you may need to apply waterproofing solutions to the exterior or interior walls of your home. Installing a vapor barrier is advisable to prevent condensation from damaging insulation and walls.

Make sure the basement has proper drainage systems, such as a sump pump and foundation drainage. The sump pump can remove water that collects around the foundation, while an effective drainage system redirects water away from the home. Installing a dehumidifier can also help. 

Basements also tend to be colder than the rest of the house. Proper insulation in the walls and floor helps regulate temperature, reducing heating costs in winter and maintaining a cool, comfortable, and energy efficient environment in summer. Insulating the ceiling can reduce noise transfer between the basement and the upper floors, making the space quieter and more private.

Before any significant work begins, it’s crucial to assess the basement’s structural integrity. This includes checking the foundation for cracks or signs of shifting, which could indicate a bigger problem, particular with the plethora of old houses in the area.

If you notice any large cracks or signs of movement, consult a structural engineer or foundation expert to determine whether repairs are needed. Small cracks can be sealed, but larger ones may require reinforcement or more extensive foundation work.

Depending on local building codes, you may need to install egress windows if you are adding bedrooms or turning the basement into a rental unit. Egress windows provide an escape route in case of emergencies and allow more natural light to enter the space, making it feel more welcoming.

When adding a bathroom or kitchen, you’ll find that installing plumbing in a basement can be more challenging because of the need to pump wastewater upwards. You may need a macerating toilet system or a sewage ejector pump to manage this. I learned this the first time I found that, contrary to what we have been told, water can indeed travel up.

Adding more outlets, lighting, appliances, and ventilation systems may necessitate electrical upgrades. Since basements are often unfinished, you may have exposed wiring, which should be properly enclosed or rerouted to meet code. Depending on the scope of the renovation, you might need to upgrade your home’s electrical panel to handle the increased demand.

Proper ventilation is often overlooked in basement renovations but is essential for maintaining air quality and preventing the buildup of stale air or harmful gases. Installing mechanical ventilation, such as an HRV (Heat Recovery Ventilator) or an ERV (Energy Recovery Ventilator), can help ensure a consistent flow of fresh air in the basement.

Radon, a naturally occurring radioactive gas, can enter homes through cracks in the foundation. Since radon exposure is a leading cause of lung cancer, it’s wise to test for it before beginning the renovation. If elevated levels are detected, you may need to install a mitigation system.

Once the technical aspects are addressed, focus on creating a functional and aesthetically pleasing layout. The design of your basement will depend on how you plan to use the space, whether it’s a guest room, home theater, office, workout area, or game room.

Since natural light is limited in basements, it is important to plan your lighting carefully. Recessed lighting is a popular choice because it doesn’t take up ceiling space, but you should also consider adding floor lamps and sconces to make the space feel brighter and more inviting.

Choose flooring that can withstand moisture, such as vinyl planks, tile, or sealed concrete. Since basements can double as storage areas, consider incorporating built-in shelving, closets, or under-stair storage to maximize the available space.

Whether doing it yourself or hiring professionals, renovating a basement is a rewarding project that can add significant value to your home, but it comes with challenges. From moisture control and insulation to plumbing and air quality, careful planning is crucial to ensure a comfortable, functional, and safe space to enjoy indoor hobbies and emerge from winter free from the Basement Blahs.


Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in DC, MD & VA with RLAH Real Estate / @properties. Call or text her at (202) 246-8602, email her at DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs

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Advice

My best friend is addicted to steroids

How can I help him when he lashes out?

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(Photo by Dundanim/Bigstock)

Hi Michael,

I’ve been best friends with Chris since we were kids. We’re both gay and both wound up in D.C. after college. And we’re roommates. 

The trouble started about a year and a half ago. Chris, who has always liked working out, started getting absorbed in bodybuilding.

He started spending hours a day working out and all these weird powders and supplements started piling up in the kitchen.

Chris became obsessed with building muscle. When he told me he was trying steroids, I told him that was a bad idea but he told me he was doing it under medical supervision and I shouldn’t worry.

In recent months he’s a changed person. He’s short with me a lot, angers easily. He got into a few screaming matches with Matthew, his boyfriend, that I overheard. He sounded paranoid and out-of-control. Guess what? Matthew walked out on him.

I’m not proud but I did a little snooping (basically looked in his bathroom) – and the stuff was everywhere.

Last week he lost his job. He wouldn’t tell me why but I am pretty sure it’s due to his increasingly weird and angry behavior. I told him that—and told him that I know he’s using a lot more than he should (is any amount OK?)—and he majorly blew up at me. Now he’s not talking to me and he texted me I should move out and not wait until our lease is up.

I don’t know what to do. I love Chris deeply—but it seems like the guy I’ve known for 20 years is gone and has been replaced by a mean paranoid guy who is driving his life off a cliff.

I’m wondering about letting his parents know. I’ve known them since childhood and I’m hoping they can talk some sense into him. Or an intervention with all his friends (none of whom he is speaking to anymore for one reason or another, but the real reason is his crazy behavior).  Maybe we could confront him and get him to stop.  

But I’m not sure what the right thing to do is and don’t want to alienate him completely.  Any thoughts or ideas for a good strategy?

Michael replies:

I’m sorry, I know it’s excruciating to watch someone you love struggle with addiction. I don’t think you can get Chris to stop or moderate his use.

You have shared your concerns with Chris, and he’s blown up at you. This is not a guy who wants to look at his life choices critically.

You could tell his parents, but you have to weigh the risks versus benefits. Maybe they would be able to influence Chris to cut back on his steroid use. Or maybe he’d just cut himself off from them as well, further deepening his isolation, and perhaps leading to his being even less tethered to reality.

I would make similar points about an intervention: Sometimes they have a positive impact on the person who is being confronted. Sometimes they don’t do much except rile the person up, and lead him or her to dig further into denial and isolation. 

My own experience is that interventions have a greater chance of being helpful when the person can acknowledge the unmanageability of the addiction and is willing to try something different. Chris doesn’t sound like he is anywhere near that point.

Simply put, there’s no easy fix to this, because only Chris gets to decide how he wants to live his life, even if his choices are ruinous.

Here’s what you can do:

First, if Chris starts talking to you again, be supportive without being enabling. This means not criticizing him or telling him what to do; letting him know that you care about him and are there to help if he wants help; not joining him in minimizing the seriousness of his situation; and having a boundary when necessary. 

For example: 

If there are times when he is pleasant to be with, enjoy them. 

If he’s snapping at you for no reason, you can say “hey, it’s not fun to be with you when you’re like this—I’ll see you later.”

If he’s lamenting his job loss, you might reply, “I’m sorry you lost your job—and I’m sure you could take steps to succeed in another job.” 

If he attempts to start an argument with you about how his steroid use is not a problem, or that you’re blowing it out of proportion, don’t join the argument. “Sorry, I see it differently, and I’m not going to argue with you about this.”

If he continues to not speak to you, you can still continue to reach out to him now-and-then, in ways that don’t require him to respond, to let him know you that you’ll be there for him if he needs help at some point.

One more thing you can do is get some support for yourself. This is a tough situation for you as well. It’s easy for someone in your situation to feel like you’re doing the wrong thing, no matter what you do. 

I’d suggest that you attend at least a few Al-Anon meetings. Al-Anon is a support fellowship for people whose loved ones are struggling with addiction. You’ll get support in recognizing that there really are limits to what you can do; in setting a boundary when you need to; and in knowing that you are not alone.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Real Estate

The new kids on the block

Homeowners now entering market on own terms

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(Photo by Maridav/Bigstock)

As interest rates begin to cool off for the first time in a few years, prospective “first time homebuyers” may have their wheels spinning again about whether it’s a good idea to buy a home. Still, the idea of home ownership may feel out of reach for some; historically, the prevalence of homeowners has been low in certain subsets of the population. It wasn’t until the 1900’s that laws were enacted to grant women and people of color equal access to property ownership:

1968: The Fair Housing Act prohibited discrimination in home buying, homeownership, and rental real estate based on sex, race, religion, and other protected classes. 

1974: The Equal Credit Opportunity Act (ECOA) prohibited discrimination in consumer credit practices based on sex, marital status, and other factors. This made it easier for women to buy homes by allowing them to apply for loans and credit without a male co-signer. 

Even with these laws in place, socioeconomic disparities and lack of access to generational wealth have slowed progress in this area. Generational wealth occurs when resources are passed on to family members when the family homeowner or the head of household passes away. In areas like D.C. this type of asset can be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, and can be used to pay off student loans, help younger members of the family purchase their first or second homes wherever they live, or be invested in other ways. 

While this may have been the key to buying property in the past, people today are pursuing homeownership for themselves and their own means — especially women. Many real estate agents in the D.C. metro area can testify that they are working with individuals who are the first in their family — and often the first woman in their family — to buy a home. The days of waiting until marriage to invest in property are slipping away; these days people marry later, may not stay married, or may choose not to marry at all. “I didn’t consider buying a home at first, because I didn’t really see myself as a “typical” homeowner; I was single and wasn’t sitting on a stockpile of cash,” says Jordyn White, a D.C. resident who bought her first home at 29. “A trusted friend encouraged me to explore first-time homebuyer programs, and I’m glad I did. My monthly mortgage payment is similar to what I would likely pay to rent in the same area, and now I have created a path to generational wealth for my children.”

The rates of homeownership for people of color and women are steadily rising. A 2023 Pew Research Center survey using 2022 census data found that single women owned 58 percent of the nearly 35.2 million homes owned by unmarried Americans, while single men owned 42 percent. Single homeowners have peace of mind in knowing that they own assets by themselves.  

Compass real estate agent Katri Hunter has helped many of her clients buy their first home. She reports, “I find more and more that I have single clients that approach me in their early/mid-30’s and say that they thought they would be buying their first property with a significant other and then decided to take things into their own hands … I tell people all the time to consult an estate planner when and if they do decide to get married to discuss pre-marital assets and keeping those in their own name. I think people really take more pride and ownership buying property on their own rather than something they dread.”

Katri Hunter can be reached at [email protected]. Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. He can be reached at 703-587-0597 or [email protected]

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