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Married gay Md. pastor celebrates Court rulings

Endures death threats, hate mail to preach inclusive message

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United Church of Christ, Robert Apgar-Taylor, DOMA, Gay Marriage, Maryland, Gay News, Washington Blade
Rob Apgar-Taylor, Maryland, DOMA, Supreme Court, Marriage, Gay News, Washington Blade

Rev. Apgar-Taylor married his partner, Rob Apgar in Massachusetts in 2004 and praised last weekā€™s supreme court rulings. (Photo by Corey Clarke)

Rev. Rob Apgar-Taylor of Grace United Church of Christ in Frederick, Md., was an unlikely same-sex marriage advocate to some who gathered alongside him at the U.S. Supreme Court on June 26.

The gay pastor who married his husband in Massachusetts in June 2004 received a number of questions from LGBT rights activists, journalists and passersby about whether he was ā€œfor us or against usā€ as they waited for the justices to issue their decisions in the two cases that challenged a portion of the Defense of Marriage Act and Californiaā€™s Proposition 8 that banned same-sex marriage in the state. Apgar-Taylor told the Washington Blade he hoped their rulings would be ā€œbold.ā€

ā€œI hope that theyā€™re willing to take a stand in this issue,ā€ he said.

His wish came true less than an hour later when the justices announced their decisions that found DOMA unconstitutional and struck down Prop 8.

ā€œThey did the right thing,ā€ Apgar-Taylor told the Blade in a follow-up interview. ā€œThey were able to work on the side of justice and on the side of compassion for families who need it the most.ā€

Born and raised in New Yorkā€™s Hudson Valley, Apgar-Taylor said he wanted to become a pastor for as long as he could remember.

ā€œI was three years old and when all the other little kids wanted to be policemen and firemen and cowboys and Indians, I wanted to be a minister,ā€ he said. ā€œItā€™s just always been there.ā€

Apgar-Taylor became a pastor in Pennsylvania after he received his master’s of Divinity from Wesley Theological Seminary in D.C. and his doctorate of Ministry in Spiritual Theology from Princeton Theological Seminary.

He and his now ex-wife to whom he was married for 20 years had five children.

They divorced after Apgar-Taylor came out to her in the early 2000s, but they remain ā€œgood friends.ā€

Apgar-Taylor met his future spouse, Rob Apgar, at a Harrisburg, Pa., karaoke bar shortly after his divorce.

ā€œWe started talking to each other and we were singing karaoke,ā€ he recalled. ā€œBy the end of the evening about four hours afterwards we exchanged phone numbers. And the next day we got together for dinner and had our first date.ā€

The couple tied the knot in Cambridge, Mass., on June 13, 2004 ā€” a month after Massachusetts’ same-sex marriage law took effect after the state’s Supreme Judicial Courtā€™s landmark 2003 decision that struck down the commonwealth’s ban on gay nuptials took effect ā€” while Apgar-Taylor took a summer course at the Episcopal Divinity School.

ā€œThereā€™s something sacred in the nature of marriage,ā€ he said. ā€œItā€™s about covenant; itā€™s about choosing to be in someoneā€™s corner whether it feels good or not. Itā€™s about loving someone whether or not you feel loving or whether they even act loving.ā€

Apgar-Taylor, who is also a pastor at Veritas United Church of Christ in Hagerstown, Md., in February became the first openly gay minister of a mainline Protestant church in western Maryland when Grace United Church of Christ installed him.

The Frederick congregation in the spring of 2012 became the first mainline church in the area to host a same-sex wedding when a gay couple that married in D.C. renewed their vows during a ceremony that Apgar-Taylor officiated. Grace United Church of Christ also served as the headquarters for the Evangelical Reformed United Church of Christā€™s efforts in support of the referendum on Marylandā€™s same-sex marriage law that voters approved last November.

Apgar-Taylor said he has received what he described as hate mail from the Army of God, a group that advocates for violence against abortion providers and gays. A same-sex marriage opponent outside the Supreme Court described him as ā€œa disgraceā€ and said he ā€œwas going to hellā€ before the justices issued their DOMA and Prop 8 rulings.

ā€œThatā€™s what youā€™re going to get when youā€™re in my line of work,ā€ Apgar-Taylor said, while noting the majority of people whom he meets are what he described as supportive. ā€œYouā€™re going to have enemies on the conservative Christian side.ā€

As he discussed the Supreme Court decisions with the Blade, Apgar-Taylor referenced a person he knows whom he said was unable to make end of life decisions for his partner and receive ā€œall the rights we should have as married couples.ā€

ā€œItā€™s degrading and dehumanizing to tell somebody you could spend 16, 18, 20 years loving someone and sharing your life with them, but at the moment at your life at your life when youā€™re the most devastated [say] sorry you were just a friend,ā€ he said. ā€œItā€™s humiliating to devalue someoneā€™s relationship that way.ā€

Apgar-Taylor described the Supreme Court rulings as ā€œincredibly importantā€ for him and his husband on a both a legal and a financial level. He told the Blade he went to bed after the justices issued their decisions knowing that they were protected ā€œfor the first time in my marriage.ā€

ā€œThereā€™s nothing anyone can do to come in and tell me that I canā€™t make end of life decisions for him and make sure his wishes are known,ā€ Apgar-Taylor said. ā€œThereā€™s nothing anybody can do to come in and take away stuff that we have earned and gotten together. Thereā€™s nothing anybody can do to come in and tell him that I was not his husband, that we were legal strangers. Thatā€™s incredibly important.ā€

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Real Estate

Yes, Virginia, there is down payment assistance

Tax abatement, homestead deductions among options to research

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Looking for a home but worried about the down payment? Thereā€™s help available. (Photo by designer491/Bigstock)

Letā€™s be honest ā€“ the average person in the Washington, D.C. area has not been living under a rock, knows how to Google whatever they are looking for, and probably has plenty of connections in their graduate program, place of employment, or at their family holiday dinner who can help them figure out how to purchase a home.  

But there were lessons learned as I was working in real estate, that, otherwise, I wouldnā€™t have even known to ask about. In other words, ā€œHow do you know what you donā€™t even know?ā€  

For example: 

  • Some lenders can help you find ways to pay off certain amounts of student loan debt before going to settlement. Depends on the jurisdiction you plan to buy in.Ā 
  • Some down payment assistance loans are available in almost every state. Certain cities and counties have their own versions of this assistance. Some of these programs can be stacked up. Ā 
  • In D.C., and in many other places, you are required to get a home inspection if you are receiving money from the government to buy a home. That way they arenā€™t giving you (or lending you) money to buy what Tom Hanks and Shelley Long would call a ā€œMoney Pit.ā€ (If you havenā€™t seen that movie, do yourself a solid and watch it.)
  • Did you know that certain lending institutions have what are called ā€œDoctorā€™s Loansā€ for people with higher amounts of student loan debt? Ā 
  • Some jurisdictions have various types of tax abatement for first-time homebuyers.Ā  Ask about topics such as ā€œTax Abatementā€ and ā€œHomestead Deductions.ā€ This will reduce your tax bill for a property that is owner occupied, OR delay paying property taxes for a set period of time.Ā 

This is by no means an exhaustive list of topics to consider. But it is meant as an idea generator. There could be some programs where you live that would help you find a way to get into homeownership, get out of paying high monthly rents, and start socking away a monthly investment. Is homeownership for everyone? Probably not. But for some people, including many of the clients Iā€™ve worked with, it was an easy way to put a large sum of money away monthly.  Eventually that money could become a nest egg for leveling up their housing, taking the money back for other purposes, or just one of the tools in their tool belt of personal wealth building. 


Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].

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Real Estate

What LGBTQ buyers, sellers need to know about new real estate rules

Regulations are reshaping how transactions are conducted

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The real estate landscape has undergone significant changes in recent months. (Photo by Atstock Productions/Bigstock)

In recent months, the real estate landscape has undergone significant changes, with new rules and regulations reshaping how transactions are conducted. These changes affect buyers and sellers across the board, but LGBTQ individuals and couples navigating the housing market should be particularly aware of how these updates might impact their decisions and opportunities. At GayRealEstate.com, weā€™re here to keep you informed and empowered.

1. Transparency in Agent Compensation

One of the most notable changes involves how real estate agents are compensated. New rules aim to increase transparency, requiring agents to clearly disclose their commissions and how they are paid. For LGBTQ buyers and sellers, this means youā€™ll have a better understanding of the financial side of your transaction, making it easier to avoid hidden fees or misunderstandings.

Tip: Make sure your agent explains their compensation structure up front. Working with an LGBTQ-friendly real estate agent through GayRealEstate.com ensures youā€™re connected with professionals who prioritize clarity and fairness.

2. Contracts Before Home Tours

In some areas, buyers are now required to sign a representation agreement before touring homes. While this adds a layer of formality, it can also help you establish a stronger relationship with your agent and ensure theyā€™re working in your best interest.

What It Means for LGBTQ Buyers: Choosing an agent who understands your unique needs is critical. Signing a contract ensures that your agent is committed to helping you find a home in a community where youā€™ll feel safe and welcome.

3. New Protections Against Discrimination

Recent policy changes reinforce anti-discrimination measures in housing, which is particularly relevant for LGBTQ individuals. While federal laws like the Fair Housing Act prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, some states have gone further by implementing additional protections.

How to Navigate: Familiarize yourself with your stateā€™s specific laws, and rely on LGBTQ-friendly agents who are committed to advocating for your rights throughout the transaction process.

4. Market Conditions: Buyers vs. Sellers

The current housing market is in flux, with inventory levels, interest rates, and demand varying widely by region. Sellers may face longer listing times, while buyers could encounter more competitive environments in desirable areas.

5. Mortgage Updates for LGBTQ Couples

Lenders are becoming more inclusive in recognizing diverse family structures, but disparities still exist. Itā€™s essential to work with lenders who understand your unique situation and ensure fair treatment during the mortgage process.

Advice: An LGBTQ-friendly agent can connect you with lenders who are sensitive to your needs and knowledgeable about programs that support equal access to home financing.

Why These Changes Matter

The new rules emphasize fairness, transparency, and accountability ā€” values that align closely with the mission of GayRealEstate.com. However, navigating these changes requires expert guidance, especially for LGBTQ buyers and sellers who may face additional challenges in the market.

Take Action Today

Buying or selling a home is one of the most significant decisions youā€™ll make, and having the right support can make all the difference. At GayRealEstate.com, we connect LGBTQ buyers and sellers with experienced, LGBTQ-friendly agents who are committed to protecting your rights and helping you achieve your goals.

Whether youā€™re just starting your real estate journey or ready to make your next move, weā€™re here to help. Visit GayRealEstate.com to find your perfect agent and get started today.

This article is brought to you by GayRealEstate.com, the nationā€™s largest network of LGBTQ-friendly real estate agents.


Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at 303-378-5526.

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Real Estate

Your holiday home journey

Real estate decisions often tap into our deeper desires for connection

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Real estate decisions often tap into our deeper desires for connection, stability, and legacy ā€” values closely tied to the spirit of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving and real estate share an essential theme: the importance of home. It is traditionally a time of gratitude, togetherness, and reflection. While its hallmark symbols may include turkey dinners, family gatherings, and autumnal dĆ©cor, it also invites us to think deeply about our values and who and what we hold dear. 

For some people, the family home connotes a place of safety, comfort, and community. For others, visiting with family over the holiday can be a contentious and stressful ordeal best avoided. Countless of my friends have severed toxic relationships that can rival an exploding, deep-fried turkey. They have opted instead for dining out or hosting a gathering of food and football with like-minded people.

During Thanksgiving, the idea of ā€œhomeā€ becomes particularly poignant. It is more than just a physical structure; itā€™s where people gather, memories are made, and traditions are passed down. For those involved in real estate ā€” whether as professionals or as individuals embroiled in the market ā€” this emotional dimension of home is a driving force.

When buying a house, itā€™s not just about square footage or the number of bedrooms. It’s about envisioning a Thanksgiving dinner in the dining room, imagining children playing in the backyard, or hosting friends in the cozy living space. Real estate decisions often tap into our deeper desires for connection, stability, and legacy ā€” values closely tied to the spirit of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving falls in the quieter part of the real estate calendar, with spring and summer being the traditionally hot seasons for buying and selling. Yet, for those who choose to list their homes in November, the holiday offers unique opportunities. Sellers can use Thanksgivingā€™s warm, inviting atmosphere to their advantage, staging homes with seasonal touches like autumn wreaths, a cornucopia of fruits and nuts, the sparkle of a dining room chandelier, and the scent of freshly baked pies.

A well-decorated home during this time can evoke an emotional connection with potential buyers. A cozy environment can help them imagine spending their future holidays in that very space. Additionally, homes listed during the Thanksgiving season often face less competition, as fewer properties are on the market. This can lead to more serious offers from motivated buyers.

For buyers, Thanksgiving can function as a reminder of why they are on the hunt for a new home in the first place. Perhaps they are looking for a bigger space for a growing family. They may be downsizing to retire or to simplify life. They might be looking for home to accommodate both children and aging parents simultaneously. The holiday season underscores the importance of finding a home that aligns with lifestyle needs and future goals.

In our tight real estate market, buyers still face challenges such as limited inventory and higher interest rates; however, Thanksgiving encourages a shift in perspective. Itā€™s a time to focus on gratitude for what is within reach ā€” whether itā€™s finding a starter home, securing a dream property, or taking incremental steps toward long-term, financial goals.

Interestingly, Thanksgiving weekend has become an increasingly popular time for real estate research. Families can gather around the table and begin discussing the future, including moving to a new city, upgrading their home, or purchasing an investment property. Digital tools like web searches and virtual tours can help buyers and sellers stay connected to the real estate market without disrupting their Thanksgiving traditions.

Whether you are buying or selling, Thanksgiving offers an opportunity to reflect on the role of gratitude in real estate. For buyers, itā€™s about being thankful for the chance to find a home that meets their needs, even if the journey is challenging. For sellers, itā€™s a moment to appreciate the memories made in a home while looking forward to new opportunities. 

For real estate agents and other industry professionals, Thanksgiving is a time to express gratitude to clients and colleagues, build stronger relationships, and highlight the human aspect of a business often driven by transactions alone.

If you are staying put this Thanksgiving, you have a chance to celebrate your current home, no matter its size or condition. Simple gestures like decorating with fall colors, rearranging furniture for a cozy feel, or preparing a special meal can deepen your connection to your space. Inviting neighbors, friends, or family to share in the festivities can reinforce the sense of community that makes a house a home.

Whether itā€™s the home you currently have, the one youā€™re searching for, or the one you are leaving behind, each holds a unique place in your life story. Take stock of the journey so far, recognize the progress made, and look forward to the possibilities ahead.

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