Connect with us

Living

Queery: Ron Simmons

The Us Helping Us president answers 20 gay questions

Published

on

Ron Simmons, Us Helping Us, gay news, Washington Blade
Ron Simmons, Us Helping Us, gay news, Washington Blade

Ron Simmons (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Us Helping Us has grown by leaps and bounds since its humble origins. Founded in 1985 but incorporated in 1988, the black AIDS organization has its 25th anniversary event Monday night.

“What started as a support group in living rooms is now a certified treatment center with more than a dozen HIV and AIDS services from prevention support, service programs, HIV testing, screening, treatment adherence, behavioral intervention and more,” says Ron Simmons, president of the organization.

“A Passion for Living,” the agency’s anniversary event, is from 6-9 p.m. Monday at Arena Stage (1101 Sixth Street, S.W.). The agency will present awards to Dr. Theo Hodge, Darlene Nipper, Dana Fonville and others. Broadway actress/singer Jennifer Holliday (of “Dreamgirls” fame) will perform a 30-minute set. Proceeds from sales of the $150 tickets (tickets.arenastage.org) benefit Us Helping Us. Tickets are still available.

Simmons says it was apparent early on that something for black gay men was needed.

“Given the racism in this country, many of the people doing HIV work were just not culturally competent in dealing with black gay men,” he says. “We had people go to support groups early on and it would be mainly white guys talking about having to sell their second house to make ends meet whereas many of our guys couldn’t even make rent. There was just a disconnect between our issues and their issues,” Simmons says.

The agency, located at 3636 Georgia Ave., N.W., has 17 on staff and an annual operating budget of about $1.8 million. It tests about 2,000 people per year for HIV and about 3,000 come through its doors for various services.

Simmons, a 63-year-old Brooklyn native, came to Washington in 1980. After teaching mass communications at Howard University for about 12 years while earning a doctorate, he joined Us in 1992, the first year in a volunteer capacity. He’s single and lives in Petworth.

 

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I have been out since 1968. Fortunately, it wasn’t hard to tell my parents. They caught my lover and me in a compromising position when they returned from a movie early. We were fully clothed but had obvious guilty facial expressions. The next morning I woke up feeling like a heavy weight was off my shoulder. The secret was out. I’ve been smiling ever since.

 

Who’s your LGBT hero?

Black lesbian activist Mandy Carter.

 

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present? 

Past would be the Clubhouse, the Delta Elite, the Edge and the Brass Rail when it was on 13th Street, N.W. Presently I go out three times a year, usually to the Bachelor’s Mill to see friends and hear house music.

 

Describe your dream wedding.

Something small and outdoors, but I would let my spouse decide. If he wanted a big church wedding, so be it.

 

What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?

Economic inequality. Having hungry people in the richest nation upsets me.

 

What historical outcome would you change?

The assassinations of Malcolm X and Dr. Martin Luther King.

 

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

Seeing LaBelle at the New York City opera house and watching Patti descend from the ceiling.

 

On what do you insist?

Honesty.

 

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

My essay, “Some Thoughts on the Challenges Facing Black Gay Intellectuals.”

 

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“The Road Less Traveled”

 

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

Nothing. I like being me.

 

What do you believe in beyond the physical world? 

A spiritual realm and a supreme being encompassing all beings.

 

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Move beyond the “gay-only” agenda, and collaborate with others fighting economic, racial, gender and political oppression.

 

What would you walk across hot coals for?

An end to poverty.

 

What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?

That gay people only think about gay issues.

 

What’s your favorite LGBT movie?

“Tongues Untied” and “Pariah”

 

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Judging people based on their physical attractiveness.

 

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

A MacArthur Genius Award

 

What do you wish you’d known at 18.

That being gay is a blessing, not a curse.

 

Why Washington?

I am from New York. It was too fast and I didn’t want to live like that. But compared to New York, most cities are too slow. D.C. was just right. It’s cosmopolitan. I love it here.

Advertisement
FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM
SIGN UP FOR E-BLAST

Real Estate

No Rose, your interest rate has nothing to do with how many likes you got on Hinge

Many factors help determine rates these days

Published

on

With the rise of interest rates in recent years, buyers must understand the many factors that go into the final number. (Image by HomeStead Digital/Bigstock)

Picture it, you’re sitting in the lunchroom at work, and your coworker just bought a house. Another coworker bought one a few months ago and you hear that she got a totally different interest rate than the other one did, even though they both bought houses not that far from each other. Homebuyers everywhere have been wondering what interest rates they are going to get, lately. It’s easy to read an article online or see an ad on social media stating specific numbers, but there may be more than meets the eye going into a particular buyer’s interest rate. 

What are the factors that can affect the interest rate a buyer eventually “locks in”?

  • Property details – certain properties may be in neighborhoods with higher rates of foreclosure, or there may be specific census tracts that allow a buyer to participate in the “Fannie Mae Home Ready” and “Freddie Mac Home Possible” programs, which carry more flexible requirements such as various income limits and lower interest rates, to help people begin homeownership.   
  • Type of loan / loan amount– a conventional, conforming loan or a jumbo loan can have differing interest rates, as well as FHA loans. 
  • Credit score – most people are aware that this affects what interest rate is quoted, just like on a credit card. Some lenders will work with you on ways to improve a credit score if the goal is to buy six, nine, or 12 months from now.  
  • Lock period – do you want to lock in the rate for 30 days? 45?  Market volatility can cause the rates to change so it will cost more money to hold onto a particular interest rate. 
  • Loan to value ratio – one can still buy a home with less than 20% down, but the rate that is quoted may be higher. 
  • Occupancy type – is this the primary residence or an investment property?
  • Points bought or credits taken – A buyer can pay the lender a fee to buy down the interest rate, or the seller can sometimes offer a credit. This has become more popular in recent years.
  • Market conditions – keep an eye on the news – as we are all aware, change is the only constant!

Lender Tina del Casale with Atlantic Union Bank says, “With jumbo fixed rates in the low 6’s, and first-time buyer down payment assistance loans such as DC Open Doors, rates are in the mid 7’s. With the added factors of your income, the address you are purchasing and your credit score factoring into the equation, interest rates are different from buyer to buyer these days. So, skip the online tools and make a few calls because that’s the only way to get an accurate quote these days!”

It might feel like an overwhelming amount of information to take on, but remember, there are people that help others take these big steps every day. A trusted lender and Realtor can guide their clients from start to finish when it comes to purchasing a home. And for that, you’ll be saying, “thank you for being a friend!”  


Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with Metro Referrals. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].

Continue Reading

Advice

Stop haranguing your husband about how you think he should behave

Make your point and then move on from the argument

Published

on

Make your point and move on but don’t insist your significant other sees everything your way. (Photo by TeroVesalainen/Bigstock)

Michael,

My husband is great, but he’s a pushover. It happens at work a lot. For example: His colleague, who came back from maternity leave about four months ago, is always leaving early. And Jeremy is always staying late to finish the jobs that they should be doing together.

But the most galling to me is that he doesn’t speak up for himself in his family. His parents (in my opinion) overtly favor his brother (who is straight) and his brother’s family. I could give a lot of examples. The latest: They’re treating the brother and the family to a cruise.

We’ve been together for 15 years, married for 12, and never get any such treatment.

Jeremy says his brother is strapped for cash (four kids, one income) and the family needs a break, whereas Jeremy doesn’t need his parents to pay for his (or our) vacation. I don’t really want to go on a cruise but it’s the principle of the thing.

Again, this is just one example. I feel bad for Jeremy being walked on, over and over, and I want him to start standing up for himself. Despite my repeated entreaties, he won’t.

When I push him on this, he tells me I’m not seeing the whole picture, or he sees it differently, or it’s not a big deal, or he’s fine with things as they are.

I can’t see how he could be fine with being taken advantage of, or not being appreciated.  I think he’d have a much better life if he actually set some boundaries with people.

How do I persuade Jeremy to listen to me and be more assertive?

Michael replies:

Do you see the irony in complaining that you can’t get your husband to listen to you about being more assertive and setting a boundary?

You’ve made your point to Jeremy, repeatedly, and Jeremy is telling you to back off. In other words, he’s assertively setting a boundary with you. 

You can’t get someone else to behave in the way you want, even when you’re certain that your way is best. Jeremy gets to decide how he wants to conduct himself.

Here’s a pattern I have noticed over and over again through my years of working with couples: When you try to do something for someone that is their own job to do, both you and the person you are trying to “help” wind up being resentful. You get annoyed that the other person won’t listen to your wonderful advice, and the other person gets annoyed because they don’t want someone else telling them what to do or how to live their life.

In this case, you’re trying to get Jeremy to stand up for himself more than he does, and he’s not interested in changing how he operates.

A great rule for relationships: You can advocate for what you want, but you have to let go of the result. (And advocate sparingly, or you risk being a nag).

You are continuing to argue the same point to Jeremy, and Jeremy isn’t interested in listening to you. As you asked for my advice, here it is: Cut it out before he gets into the resentment stage, if he’s not already there, as you apparently are.

Also, please consider that your repeatedly criticizing Jeremy’s parents where Jeremy sees no problem could damage not only your relationship with Jeremy, but also his and your relationship with his family.

We get to marry the person we marry. We don’t get to insist that they upgrade to a better (at least in our opinion) version. Trying to do so is not just disrespectful and a waste of time, it poisons the relationship.

So find a way to live with Jeremy as he is, or — if you find his acquiescent nature unbearable — leave. But don’t spend the rest of your marriage, or even another day, haranguing him about how you think he should behave.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

Continue Reading

Real Estate

The best U.S. cities for LGBTQ homebuyers in 2025

Where strong equality scores, vibrant culture, attainable prices converge

Published

on

Philadelphia is among cities that rank highest for LGBTQ homebuyers. (Photo by sborisov/Bigstock)

Buying a home has always been a landmark of security and self-expression. For LGBTQ+ people, it can also be a powerful act of claiming space in a country where housing equality is still a work in progress. The good news? This year offers more options—and more protections—than ever. A record-breaking 130 U.S. cities now score a perfect 100 on the Human Rights Campaign’s Municipal Equality Index (MEI), meaning their local laws, services, and political leadership actively protect queer residents, reports.hrc.org. Meanwhile, national housing analysts at Zillow expect only modest price growth this year (about 2.6 percent), giving buyers a little breathing room to shop around.

Below are eight standout markets where strong equality scores, vibrant LGBTQ+ culture, and relatively attainable prices converge. Median sale prices are from March 2025 Zillow data.

1. Minneapolis–St. Paul, MN

Median sale price: $317,500  

Twin Cities residents benefit from statewide nondiscrimination laws that explicitly cover sexual orientation and gender identity, a thriving queer arts scene, and dozens of neighborhood Pride celebrations beyond the mega-festival each June. Buyers also appreciate Minnesota’s down-payment assistance programs for first-time and BIPOC purchasers—many LGBTQ+ households qualify.

2. Philadelphia

Median sale price: $227,667   

Philly combines East Coast culture with Mid-Atlantic affordability. “Gayborhood” anchors like Giovanni’s Room bookstore mingle with new LGBTQ-owned cafés in Fishtown and South Philly. Pennsylvania added statewide housing protections in 2024, closing the legal gaps that once worried trans and nonbinary buyers.

3. Pittsburgh

Median sale price: $221,667 

Don’t let the steel-town stereotype fool you—Pittsburgh’s MEI score is 100, and its real-estate dollar stretches further than in comparable metros. Lawrenceville and Bloomfield have become hubs for queer-owned eateries and co-working spaces, while regional employers in tech and healthcare boast top Corporate Equality Index ratings.

4. Tucson, Ariz.

Median sale price: $328,333 

This desert city punches above its weight in LGBTQ+ visibility thanks to the University of Arizona, a nationally ranked Pride parade, and some of the country’s most picturesque outdoor recreation. Arizona’s statewide fair-housing statute now explicitly lists gender identity, giving buyers added recourse if discrimination occurs.

5. Madison, Wisc.

Median sale price: $413,867 

Madison blends progressive politics with a top-five public university and a booming tech corridor. Local lenders routinely promote inclusive marketing, and Dane County offers one of the few county-level LGBTQ+ home-ownership programs in the nation, providing up to $10,000 in forgivable assistance for low-to-moderate-income couples.

6. Atlanta

Median sale price: $359,967 

The cultural capital of the Southeast delivers queer nightlife, Fortune 500 jobs, and a web of supportive nonprofits such as Lost-n-Found Youth. While Georgia lacks statewide protections, Atlanta’s 100-point MEI score covers public accommodations, contracting, and employer requirements—shielding homebuyers who choose in-town neighborhoods like Midtown or East Point.

7. St. Petersburg, Fla.

Median sale price: $354,667 Yes, Florida’s statewide politics are turbulent, but St. Pete has long held firm on LGBTQ+ equality. The city’s Pride festival draws nearly a million visitors, and local ordinances bar discrimination in housing and public services. Waterfront bungalows in Kenwood and more affordable condos near Uptown give first-time buyers options.

8. Denver

Median sale price: $563,500 

Colorado passed some of the nation’s strongest gender identity housing protections in 2024, and Denver’s queer community remains one of the most visible in the Mountain West. Although prices run higher, buyers gain exceptional job growth and one of the country’s largest Gay & Lesbian Chambers of Commerce.

Smart Strategies for LGBTQ+ Buyers & Sellers

1. Build Your Dream Team Early

  • Work with an equality-focused real-estate pro. The easiest way is to start at GayRealEstate.com, which has screened gay, lesbian, and allied agents in every U.S. market for more than 30 years.
  • Choose inclusive lenders and inspectors. Ask whether each vendor follows HUD’s 2021 guidance interpreting the Fair Housing Act to cover sexual orientation and gender identity.

2. Know Your Rights—And Limitations

  • Federal law bars housing bias, but enforcement can lag. Document everything and report issues to HUD, your state civil-rights agency, or Lambda Legal.
  • In states without full protections, rely on city ordinances (check the MEI) and add explicit nondiscrimination language to your purchase contract.

3. Evaluate Neighborhood Fit

  • Use local data: crime stats, school ratings, transit, and MEI scores of nearby suburbs.
  • Spend time in queer-owned cafés, bars, and community centers to gauge true inclusivity.

4. For Sellers: Market With Pride—And Professionalism

  • Highlight proximity to LGBTQ+ resources (community centers, Pride festivals) in your listing remarks.
  • Stage neutrally but inclusively—rainbow art is great, but removing personal photos can protect privacy during showings.

The landscape for LGBTQ+ homeowners is evolving fast. By coupling inclusive laws, supportive culture, and attainable prices, cities like Minneapolis, Philadelphia, and Tucson stand out for 2025. No matter where you land, surround yourself with professionals who value every part of your identity. Start your journey at GayRealEstate.com, lean on the resources above, and claim your corner of the American dream—on your own terms, and with pride.


Scott Helms is president and owner of Gayrealestate.com.

Continue Reading

Popular