Living
Gay wedding etiquette 101
Same-sex nuptials bring questions from all sides


Steven Petrow says gay and lesbian couples tend to be surprisingly heteronormative in their wedding choices, perhaps, he guesses, because they were shut out for so long. (Photo courtesy the Hilton)
In the “Key & Peele” comedy sketch “Gay Wedding Advice,” a family gathers to learn the proper etiquette behind attending a gay wedding for their cousin. The family’s pressing questions include, “When do we sing ‘Over the Rainbow?,’” “Where do you get the Euros to buy gay gifts?” and whether to throw skittles instead of rice.
The skit is based on etiquette guru Steven Petrow’s gay wedding advice and he says although the content is for laughs, it’s not far off from the questions straight people ask him about same-sex ceremonies.
“There’s often this free-flowing anxiety, even amongst those who are supportive of same-sex marriage. Things that I’ve heard are people wondering whether if it will be like a gay Pride parade or festival, wild and crazy,” Petrow says. “I tell them, ‘No, I’ve actually never seen a ceremony like that.’ Although once and awhile I do hear about performers in drag as part of the reception. But like any other marriage, it’s a sacred ceremony.”
Petrow, known as “Mr. Manners,” is no stranger to laying down the etiquette law. He’s the author of “The Essential Book of Gay Manners & Etiquette,” “The New Gay Wedding: A Practical Primer for Brides and Grooms, Their Families and Guests” and “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners: The Definitive Guide to LGBT Life,” among others. He also writes “Civilities,” a Washington Post column about LGBT and straight etiquette and is the Hilton’s Modern Manners Expert.
His etiquette career came about when a mutual friend set him up on a blind date with the late writer and former HarperCollins editor David Rakoff. The pair had both battled cancer and had an interest in collecting old etiquette books and vintage cooking books respectively. The first date went “terrible,” Petrow says but Rakoff ended up sending Petrow a book contract for his first book.
Now Petrow, who married his husband Jim Bean in 2013, gives gay etiquette advice in his books and column. He’s often asked if there is really a difference in etiquette for same-sex couples and straight couples.
“The rules are the same. But we had been basically shut out of every mainstream wedding planning book and etiquette book for decades until my book came around,” Petrow says. “Couples often had been together for many years if not decades. When marriage became legal in their state they kind of jumped at the chance and got married.”
Because it started happening relatively quickly, there were no rituals or tradition established, he says.
“Now there’s a whole new generation approaching their weddings. They’re much more along the traditional. They’re heteronormative. They’re following the example of getting engaged, having long engagement periods, bachelor and bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners and showers and all of that.”
Same-sex marriage legalization has even shifted the proposal process. Even with decades of feminism and more gender equality, with opposite-sex couples, men still do most of the proposing, Petrow says. There’s no such precedent for same-sex couples.
“For earlier couples, those who got engaged before last year, I think it was kind of a mutual decision. ‘We’ve been together for 10 years and we’re doing the dishes and now same-sex marriage is legal so while doing the dishes, ‘Well honey, do you want to get married?’ ‘Sure, let’s do it.’ It wasn’t really romantic necessarily. These days there is much more traditional asking.”
The etiquette guru says although a ring is often involved, it isn’t always the case. Gay men frequently like to exchange watches for what Petrow calls “the timeless element a watch represents.” Those who do exchange rings opt to take the rings off before the ceremony or switch the ring from the right hand to the left hand to signify the marriage.
Gender-neutral wedding registries are something same-sex couples now can take advantage of much easier than before. Petrow says in the past a same-sex couple would have to choose who to be the bride and groom for certain items. Now, many vendors have listed items with gender-neutral language such as “Spouse One” and “Spouse Two.” Places like Macy’s and Target offer LGBT wedding registry for couples. The Hilton also recently launched a new LGBT wedding registry to recognize same-sex couples.
When it comes to the actual wedding, Petrow has some advice for guests eager to capture the moment.
“I think all too many guests are bringing their cell phones and tablets to ceremonies and disrupting things, taking pictures, tweeting or being on Instagram before the brides and the grooms have posted anything of their own. I’ve seen people step into the aisle and block a bride that way. My advice to those folks is to ask before you take pictures. Remember you are not the center of attention at the ceremony, that’s the brides and the grooms,” Petrow says.
However, technology can put a fun spin on a ceremony. Petrow says putting a GoPro in the wedding bouquet to see the ceremony from a new angle can be intriguing. Drone photography is also a popular choice to catch an aerial shot of the reception, but Petrow urges couples to disclose using it to guests for the sake of guests’ privacy.
During the reception, the cake can be the most exciting part for foodies and lovers of cake decorations. Petrow says he still sees the traditional two grooms or two brides on top of a cake, but he has noticed the couple’s initials on top of the cake just as often. For a futuristic spin, 3D technology can be used to place photos of the couple on top of the cake.
Once married, the terms used to refer to spouses is varied and Petrow urges anyone unsure to simply ask the couple how they refer to one another.
“The default shifted very quickly last summer from partners to husbands and husbands and wives and wives. Those are the terms that have been prominently associated with married couples for generations and centuries. I have seen that there is great pleasure and a statement made when using language like that.”
He says when in doubt, it’s safe to default to “husbands” and “wives” as the case may be.
“For heterosexuals who don’t know its always fine to ask how they like to refer to each other. Not that anyone has to use that. Some couples still do prefer partner. Some older generational folks are much more used to that kind of language and are not comfortable saying husband or wife,” Petrow says.
While there are some nuances, Petrow thinks the most important part of planning a wedding is staying true to yourself.
“This is a time when weddings are all about me/me or the plural you. They’re customized and same-sex couples seem to have really led the way in making sure their ceremonies reflect who they are. Do something that reflects you and your values.”
Real Estate
The best U.S. cities for LGBTQ homebuyers in 2025
Where strong equality scores, vibrant culture, attainable prices converge

Buying a home has always been a landmark of security and self-expression. For LGBTQ+ people, it can also be a powerful act of claiming space in a country where housing equality is still a work in progress. The good news? This year offers more options—and more protections—than ever. A record-breaking 130 U.S. cities now score a perfect 100 on the Human Rights Campaign’s Municipal Equality Index (MEI), meaning their local laws, services, and political leadership actively protect queer residents, reports.hrc.org. Meanwhile, national housing analysts at Zillow expect only modest price growth this year (about 2.6 percent), giving buyers a little breathing room to shop around.
Below are eight standout markets where strong equality scores, vibrant LGBTQ+ culture, and relatively attainable prices converge. Median sale prices are from March 2025 Zillow data.
1. Minneapolis–St. Paul, MN
Median sale price: $317,500
Twin Cities residents benefit from statewide nondiscrimination laws that explicitly cover sexual orientation and gender identity, a thriving queer arts scene, and dozens of neighborhood Pride celebrations beyond the mega-festival each June. Buyers also appreciate Minnesota’s down-payment assistance programs for first-time and BIPOC purchasers—many LGBTQ+ households qualify.
2. Philadelphia
Median sale price: $227,667
Philly combines East Coast culture with Mid-Atlantic affordability. “Gayborhood” anchors like Giovanni’s Room bookstore mingle with new LGBTQ-owned cafés in Fishtown and South Philly. Pennsylvania added statewide housing protections in 2024, closing the legal gaps that once worried trans and nonbinary buyers.
3. Pittsburgh
Median sale price: $221,667
Don’t let the steel-town stereotype fool you—Pittsburgh’s MEI score is 100, and its real-estate dollar stretches further than in comparable metros. Lawrenceville and Bloomfield have become hubs for queer-owned eateries and co-working spaces, while regional employers in tech and healthcare boast top Corporate Equality Index ratings.
4. Tucson, Ariz.
Median sale price: $328,333
This desert city punches above its weight in LGBTQ+ visibility thanks to the University of Arizona, a nationally ranked Pride parade, and some of the country’s most picturesque outdoor recreation. Arizona’s statewide fair-housing statute now explicitly lists gender identity, giving buyers added recourse if discrimination occurs.
5. Madison, Wisc.
Median sale price: $413,867
Madison blends progressive politics with a top-five public university and a booming tech corridor. Local lenders routinely promote inclusive marketing, and Dane County offers one of the few county-level LGBTQ+ home-ownership programs in the nation, providing up to $10,000 in forgivable assistance for low-to-moderate-income couples.
6. Atlanta
Median sale price: $359,967
The cultural capital of the Southeast delivers queer nightlife, Fortune 500 jobs, and a web of supportive nonprofits such as Lost-n-Found Youth. While Georgia lacks statewide protections, Atlanta’s 100-point MEI score covers public accommodations, contracting, and employer requirements—shielding homebuyers who choose in-town neighborhoods like Midtown or East Point.
7. St. Petersburg, Fla.
Median sale price: $354,667 Yes, Florida’s statewide politics are turbulent, but St. Pete has long held firm on LGBTQ+ equality. The city’s Pride festival draws nearly a million visitors, and local ordinances bar discrimination in housing and public services. Waterfront bungalows in Kenwood and more affordable condos near Uptown give first-time buyers options.
8. Denver
Median sale price: $563,500
Colorado passed some of the nation’s strongest gender identity housing protections in 2024, and Denver’s queer community remains one of the most visible in the Mountain West. Although prices run higher, buyers gain exceptional job growth and one of the country’s largest Gay & Lesbian Chambers of Commerce.
Smart Strategies for LGBTQ+ Buyers & Sellers
1. Build Your Dream Team Early
- Work with an equality-focused real-estate pro. The easiest way is to start at GayRealEstate.com, which has screened gay, lesbian, and allied agents in every U.S. market for more than 30 years.
- Choose inclusive lenders and inspectors. Ask whether each vendor follows HUD’s 2021 guidance interpreting the Fair Housing Act to cover sexual orientation and gender identity.
2. Know Your Rights—And Limitations
- Federal law bars housing bias, but enforcement can lag. Document everything and report issues to HUD, your state civil-rights agency, or Lambda Legal.
- In states without full protections, rely on city ordinances (check the MEI) and add explicit nondiscrimination language to your purchase contract.
3. Evaluate Neighborhood Fit
- Use local data: crime stats, school ratings, transit, and MEI scores of nearby suburbs.
- Spend time in queer-owned cafés, bars, and community centers to gauge true inclusivity.
4. For Sellers: Market With Pride—And Professionalism
- Highlight proximity to LGBTQ+ resources (community centers, Pride festivals) in your listing remarks.
- Stage neutrally but inclusively—rainbow art is great, but removing personal photos can protect privacy during showings.
The landscape for LGBTQ+ homeowners is evolving fast. By coupling inclusive laws, supportive culture, and attainable prices, cities like Minneapolis, Philadelphia, and Tucson stand out for 2025. No matter where you land, surround yourself with professionals who value every part of your identity. Start your journey at GayRealEstate.com, lean on the resources above, and claim your corner of the American dream—on your own terms, and with pride.
Scott Helms is president and owner of Gayrealestate.com.
Real Estate
Summer-ready rentals: How to prepare for the season
Inspect your A/C, upgrade the kitchen, and more

Now’s the time to get your property looking sharp for summer. In the D.C. rental market, summer is our version of the Super Bowl. Tenants are on the move, leases are flipping, and if your property isn’t ready for game time, you’re sitting on the bench while the competition scores.
Here’s how to get your rental property summer-ready, keep it competitive, and avoid the scramble once the heat (and the demand) is on.
First Impressions Count
In a walkable city like D.C., curb appeal isn’t a luxury, it’s your ticket to play. Prospective tenants don’t just scroll through listings from their couches; they walk the neighborhoods, eyeing buildings and row homes like it’s a real-life episode of House Hunters. If your property looks run-down from the sidewalk, it doesn’t matter how nice it is inside: you’ll already have lost their attention.
Start with a good power wash. Sidewalks, front steps, and that brick façade can collect a year’s worth of grime and pollen, and nothing says “we didn’t get around to it” quite like a dingy entryway. Once that’s done, grab a paintbrush and freshen up the details — front doors, railings, and window trim are often the first thing people see, and chipped or faded paint sends the wrong message. Landscaping doesn’t have to rival a botanical garden, but it should be tidy and intentional. A few potted plants, some trimmed bushes, and a weed-free yard show that you care. And don’t forget the lighting — a working porch light adds a layer of polish and safety. Think of curb appeal like a dating profile picture. If it’s not appealing, people won’t even bother to swipe right.
Handle Maintenance Before Repair Emergencies
Summer in D.C. means one thing: humidity. And it’s not just uncomfortable. It’s a property’s worst enemy if you’re not on top of things. Tenants will test that A/C the minute they move in, so don’t wait for a 98-degree day to find out the AC compressor is clogged and is not performing to its potential. While you’re at it, check those windows and screens. No one wants a unit that turns into a sauna because the windows won’t open or the screens are shredded.
Plumbing deserves a once-over, too. In some of D.C.’s older neighborhoods, tree roots have been known to snake their way into century-old pipes. If you’ve had slow drains or backups, now’s the time to act. And don’t skip out on pest control. Ants, roaches, and rodents all love a good D.C. summer, but your tenants sure don’t. A preventative visit now can spare you the late-night emergency call later.
Upgrade What Matters
If your place still has that “2008 Craigslist listing” look, now’s your chance for a low-cost glow-up that pays off in higher rent and better tenants.
You don’t have to renovate the entire kitchen, but a few strategic upgrades can keep your property feeling current without breaking the bank. Swapping out dated cabinet pulls or faucet fixtures is a quick win. Replacing an old Formica countertop with stone is a great add, albeit a bigger investment.
Installing a smart thermostat or keyless entry, especially if you’re trying to attract a tech-savvy tenant, adds a bit of glitz. And don’t underestimate the value of LED lighting. Not only is the lighting brighter, but energy efficiency is a real plus when Pepco bills start climbing.
Don’t Forget the Marketing Materials
The window for summer leasing moves fast. Between May and August, tenants are locking in their spots quickly, and they aren’t wasting time on listings that look outdated or vague. Having strong, current marketing materials can be the difference between locking in a new tenant over several weeks or watching your property sit vacant for several months while others get rented.
When writing your listing, make sure it reflects the strengths of the unit and its location. Is there a private balcony that catches the sunset? Mention it. Is the washer and dryer tucked inside the unit instead of down a shared hallway? Highlight that. And in the D.C. summer heat, central A/C and ceiling fans aren’t bonuses; they’re expectations. Mention any shaded outdoor spaces, or if you’re lucky enough to be close to a pool, splash pad, or one of the city’s beloved parks, say so.
Once the property is shining on the outside and tuned up inside, the final step is making sure that polish shows up in your marketing. Your listing needs to be more than just functional, it needs to sell. That starts with updated and clear photos. Snap new images once the landscaping is cleaned up, the paint has dried, and the light’s hitting just right. Don’t use older photos pre-2020 where the tree out front was still a sapling and the trash bins were in the shot. And please, always close toilet seats first! Prospective renters are savvy, and their intuition perks up when they see less than professional looking photos.
It’s All About Timing
This summer, make the most of the opportunity. In D.C., there’s a wave of renters moving for new jobs, internships, or simply trying to relocate before school starts. Landlords who prep early and market smartly are the ones who don’t just find tenants, they find good tenants. And they fill units faster.
Grab that to-do list, schedule those contractors, and maybe treat yourself to a cold one after a long day of touch-ups. You’ll thank yourself later when your rental is leased out and earning while others are still scrambling at the end of the season.
Scott Bloom is owner and senior property manager at Columbia Property Management. For more information and resources, visit ColumbiaPM.com.
Autos
A cheeky convertible: Mercedes CLE 450
Riding the freeway of love with the top down and spirits up

“Drop the top, baby!… Drop the pedal and go!”So croons Aretha Franklin in “Freeway of Love,” her classic song about a joyride in a pink Cadillac convertible.
Those free-spirited lyrics came to mind recently each time I got behind the wheel of an equally exquisite ride: the Mercedes CLE 450.
MERCEDES CLE 450 CONVERTIBLE
$76,000
MPG: 23 city/32 highway
0 to 60 mph: 4.2 seconds
Cargo space: 9.6 cu. ft.
PROS: Dreamy design. Divine handling. Dazzling amenities.
CONS: Cramped cargo area. Kinda impractical for everyday driving.
IN A NUTSHELL: Who needs two fine open-top chariots when one fabulous convertible will do? That seems to be the thinking at Mercedes, which recently replaced two of its cabriolets—the compact C-Class and midsize E-Class—with the brand-new CLE 450.
While the wheelbase is a wee bit shorter than on the outgoing E-Class model, the CLE is longer overall than either of its two former siblings. The result: more legroom than expected, especially for anyone in the front seats. Even backseat occupants may feel comfy (OK, perhaps not Brittney Griner or Carl Nassib, but still…).
Alas, trunk space is slightly scrunched, thanks to the folding fabric roof. But that power-operated top—available in black, gray or red—can be raised and lowered with the car traveling at speeds up to 37 mph. And the triple-layer acoustic material provides excellent insulation and greatly reduces outside noise. In fact, I often had to remind myself this was the CLE convertible and not the hardtop coupe.
There’s also a wind-deflector apparatus that, when activated, elevates airflow off the windshield and reduces backflow with a rear mesh screen. For added pampering, an AIRSCARF system lives up to its name, sending warm air onto the necks of front-seat passengers. (Don’t tell my husband, but I felt like an invisible suitor was wooing me, seductively blowing kisses my way.)
Convertibles usually are not as structurally rigid as their hardtop counterparts. But here again, Mercedes works its magic: The chassis—made of aluminum and high-strength steel—is so incredibly stiff that there’s absolutely no shake and shimmy. This solid body structure also provides for a safe vehicle shell.
Under the hood, there’s a spirited 375-hp turbo engine, augmented by grippy all-wheel drive and a graceful nine-speed automatic transmission. As a crazed soccer fan, I think it’s not too much of a stretch to say the driving experience combines the speed, sass and savvy of a star athlete (think Megan Rapinoe).
Inside, there are plenty of premium styling cues, as well a glitzy dashboard with 12.3-inch digital cluster and 11.9-inch multimedia touchscreen. Yes, the CLE borrows heavily from the C-Class and E-Class. But somehow—perhaps because of the low ground clearance and multi-contour seats (which include heating, ventilation and massage functions)—this cabin feels and functions more like a true cockpit.
Along with all the driver-assistance features, there are 11 airbags (including rear head airbags), pop-up roll bars and a drowsy-driver alert monitor. In case of an impending crash, an accident-preparedness system immediately tightens seatbelts, adjusts seats and closes windows.
I could go on about all the amenities, including a 17-speaker Burmester surround-sound stereo, the 64-color ambient-lighting system and more. But why bother? This is a Mercedes, after all, so you expect such babying.
What wasn’t expected? How much I keep missing this beauty after my weeklong test drive ended. It’s not as if soft-tops are practical, like minivans and SUVs. And two-door rides—coupes or cabrios—now account for less than 4% of all new-vehicle sales.
But Aretha would have understood. Classy convertibles, like her pink Caddy and the Mercedes CLE 450, represent open-air freedom and the promise of adventure.
“So jump in, it ain’t no sin. Take a ride in my machine.”
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