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The death of Irene Cara and the broken promise

Singer inspired a generation of gay men

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Irene Cara (Photo courtesy of Judith A. Moose/JM Media)

As I walked down the dark alley towards the glowing light, the opening bridge of the song called to me. “Baby, look at me and tell me what you see, You ain’t seen the best of me yet, Give me time, I’ll make you forget all the rest, I got more in me…” 

The movie “Fame” had just come out and its anthem theme song was HOT. The glowing light that night was a gay disco, tucked away from heterosexual view, while gay bashers circled in trucks a few blocks away. That safe haven in the dark alley allowed me, a 20-year old youth, a path out of the closet in which I emotionally and sexually had residence. To me, the words of the song “Fame,” and its overwhelming delivery, was my inner drive and conviction that I could be me, and my own personal superstar.

The young woman delivering the song was barely an adult herself. Irene Cara had been a child performer and was now breaking into the fame she was singing about. She was “instantly” famous thanks to “Fame.” Amongst other accolades, she was nominated for a Best New Artist Grammy. The song itself won the Oscar that year.

The Grammy nomination put a public trapping on what we all knew: She was a star, and had all the makings to become a superstar, an icon.

For LGBTQ people, her work that year spoke to our souls and our optimism. As “Randy 503” shared on the Joe.My.God site, “I was a deeply closeted and lonely kid in my early 20s. Not lonely because I didn’t have friends (had tons of them,) but lonely because I refused to admit I was gay and kept away from all that. I saw the movie and was transfixed. Bought the album and played it all the time, especially her songs. Her voice was so strong, and so expressive, it really touched me.” 

Cara’s second song in the movie also resonated with the gay audience. While “Fame” spoke to the sassy optimism of embracing our outstanding selves and taking the world by storm, “Out Here On My Own” spoke to the dark loneliness of the closet. “Sometimes I wonder where I’ve been, who I am, do I fit in … when I’m down and feeling blue, I close my eyes so I can be strong and be with you … I dry the tears I’ve never shown, Out here on my own.”

Randy points out, “Out here on my own always left me in tears. It hit so close to home, and I could feel sadness on it. It’s a great song sung by one of the best.”

After the success of “Fame,” Cara ventured into a sitcom pilot and a freshman album, “Anyone Can See.” Neither caught the world on fire, as apparently only some of us could actually “see” her real worth.

It was not long after however, where Cara’s apparent life mission to deliver culture changing anthems, came calling again. She was recruited to help out with the new “Flashdance” movie, and to work with iconic gay producer Giorgio Moroder for its theme song. Cara was reportedly reluctant. She had already been criticized as a second tier Donna Summer with “Fame,” and was hesitant to get into that musical lane. Later she would work with John Farrar whom she credited as being responsible for ALL of Olivia Newton John’s hits. It seems that her superstar aspirations were more to be Pop Princess than another Queen of Disco.

She did sign on board with Moroder and “Flashdance,” and made history. Her song “Flashdance… What a Feeling” went to #1 for six straight weeks. It affected American culture in style, attitude and substance. On Academy Awards night, Cara made history again. (She had already made history in a minor way a few years before as the first person to ever perform two nominated songs in one evening.) This time, she became the second African American woman to win an Oscar – the first being “Gone With the Wind”’s Hattie McDaniels. 

Cara was the first African American woman to ever win a non-acting Oscar ever.

The anthem “Flashdance…What a Feeling” spoke to LGBTQ audiences of the 80s, in a way that “Fame” had. “First when there’s nothing but a slow glowing dream that your fear seems to hide deep inside your mind. All alone, I have cried silent tears full of pride in a world made of steel, made of stone, Well, I hear the music, close my eyes, feel the rhythm wrap around, take hold of my heart. What a feeling, being is believing I can have it all..”

Online, Joe.My.God reader BearlvrFl shared, “LUV the song “Out Here On My Own” I call ‘Flashdance: What A Feeling’ my coming out song, popular on the dance floor very close to the time I finally came out at the age of 22. I could relate to “Take your passion/And make it happen.” Super simple lyric, but it’s timing was everything for me, having been closeted for so long.”

This time, AIDS had brought a very dark cloud over the community, however. Its ravage was starting to take widespread hold. It made the line in the song “now I’m dancing for my life” even more poignant and relevant.

The darkness that was falling over the LGBT world was on a parallel track in Cara’s own life. As she picked up Oscars and Grammys, there was a sadness in her eyes above the smile on her face. She shared later that the public glory was matched with a behind-the-scenes horror story. Her record company was keeping her from garnering any success from her accomplishments. Columnist Liz Smith stated in a 1993 piece that Cara earned only $183 in royalties.

Cara inspired women of her generation. Patti Piatt shared on Twitter, “I am from a generation of women who thought anything was possible because of Irene Cara. She gave us so much joy. We all danced to her songs, didn’t matter if we could dance, we danced because she made us want to dance.” 

In spite of singing THE anthem of women empowerment, Cara became an example of a woman destroyed by the male dominated music industry. As she fought back for earnings due her, she became black-listed, and her trek to superstardom halted. They made her all but disappear. A decade later, she won, but by that time, the damage had been done. 

Her final solo album subconsciously called out her professional demise with songs titled “Now That It’s Over,” “Get a Grip” and the ultimate defeatist title “Say Goodnight Irene.”

“I know well enough this is going nowhere … Might as well say goodnight, Say Goodnight, Irene.”

In the end, she seemed to find peace. Her final professional projects were gifts to other women musicians of color. She comfortably settled into what she called “semi-retirement” and her Florida home with a steady stream of funds from her hard-earned residuals.

The promise of becoming a superstar eluded her, but she busted the ceiling so it might not elude others. Painfully for fans, the promise from the song “Fame,” “I’m gonna live forever” also did not come true. 

Let’s instead, think of her making “it to heaven” and lighting “up the sky like a flame.”

For those trying to find final meaning from her life, and the un-fulfilled promise of what could have been for her and for us, may do so in the words from her lesser-known anthem. Here we swap out a promise instead for “The Dream”: 

“We can all be free, we hold the key, if we can see what we want to be. Life is never easy, you get no guarantees, why not give your all and see what you can find?”

And, yes.

Irene Cara, we will always remember your name.

“The Dream”

*************************

Rob Watson is the host of the popular Hollywood-based radio/podcast show RATED LGBT RADIO.

He is an established LGBTQ columnist and blogger having written for many top online publications including Parents Magazine, the Huffington Post, LGBTQ Nation, Gay Star News, the New Civil Rights Movement, and more.

He served as Executive Editor for The Good Man Project, has appeared on MSNBC and been quoted in Business Week and Forbes Magazine.

He is CEO of Watson Writes, a marketing communications agency, and can be reached at [email protected] .

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Jonathan Bailey is People’s first openly gay ‘Sexiest Man Alive’

‘It’s a huge honor. And it’s completely absurd.’

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Actor Jonathan Bailey made history Monday after he was named People magazine’s first openly gay “Sexiest Man Alive.”

Bailey is known for his starring role in “Wicked,” as well as well-received turns in “Bridgerton” and “Fellow Travelers,” for which he was nominated for an Emmy. He returns to the big screen on Nov. 21 in the “Wicked: For Good” sequel.

Bailey announced the news on the Nov. 3 “Tonight Show” with Jimmy Fallon.

“It’s the honor of a lifetime,” Bailey, 37, said. “I want to say, Jimmy, thank you so much for turning it down so that I could be here.”

Bailey told People, “It’s a huge honor. Obviously I’m incredibly flattered. And it’s completely absurd. It’s been a secret, so I’m quite excited for some friends and family to find out.”

People launched its popular “Sexiest Man Alive” issue in 1985 with inaugural winner Mel Gibson. Last year’s winner was actor John Krasinski.

Bailey came out publicly in 2018 and founded a nonprofit, Shameless Fund, which raises money for LGBTQ organizations and issues.

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The queerest moments of the 2025 VMAs

LGBTQ artists a central part of the music industry at this year’s award show

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(CBS/MTV graphic)

Whether it be sultry Frank Ocean performances or Madonna reminding everyone that drag queens run the world, the MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs) have always been an unofficial honoring of the LGBTQ community’s contributions to music. Yet many fans were nervous going into the 2025 ceremony; during a time when marginalized voices are being attacked across the country, would there still be a queer presence at this historic award show? Luckily, they weren’t disappointed, as the VMAs quickly reminded everyone of a very important fact: there is no music industry without queer artists.

And with that in mind, let’s take a closer look at the moments that made the 2025 VMAs one of the gayest award shows ever!

Before it even began, the ceremony’s red carpet hosted some of the entertainment industry’s biggest queer stars (and their impeccable fashion choices.) Whether it be the eviscerating Law Roach, hilarious comedian Megan Stalter, or renowned drag queens like Lexi Love and Symone, this crimson runway was a space for these icons to strut their stuff.

The invite list alone made it clear that LGBTQ artists would continue being an integral part of the VMAs — a fact that was taken to unimaginable heights when Lady Gaga won the award for ‘Best Artist of the Year!’

Even after countless wins, it can’t be overstated just how important a triumph for Lady Gaga is for the LGBTQ community, especially when she’s being awarded for the massive amount of work she’s done this year. Not only has her new album, “Mayhem,” been the soundtrack for every gay bar, but in the face of rising discrimination, she is constantly speaking up for queer and trans individuals across the country. It was so cathartic for her LGBTQ fans to watch Mother Monster accept the award, starting the show with an uplifting, quintessential queer energy that would only get better from there. 

Not only did numerous LGBTQ artists perform — a huge shoutout to Lola Young and Conan Gray — but a portion of the night was focused on rewarding gay trailblazer Ricky Martin with the first-ever Latin Icon Award. He used his speech to encourage unity during this time of division, reminding listeners that music should be what brings us together during a time when people are literally trying to tear us apart. And he wouldn’t be the only LGBTQ artist going home with a Moon Man! Stans across the globe cheered when KATSEYE won the VMA for Push Performance of the Year, the inaugural award for a global girl group that is revolutionizing what it means to be an idol today. Not only are they breaking barriers, but with members Lara Raj and Megan Skiendiel, KATSEYE makes history as one of the only idol groups to openly feature two queer women!

Halfway through the VMAs, this award ceremony was already shaping up to be one of the queerest yet … but someone wanted to bring even more to the stage. Someone who used every moment she had to amplify LGBTQ artists and call for the respect these communities deserve. She was already regarded as an icon before the show, but with her performance and acceptance speech, Sabrina Carpenter solidified herself as one of the biggest advocates in music today. 

While every VMAs performer brings a unique concept to their performance, few are as instantly captivating as Carpenter’s performance of “Tears.” The faux-city streets of her stage bring to mind moments from history like the Stonewall Riots, acts of resistance that fueled LGBTQ liberation and made the modern music industry possible. Then, as the camera panned out, audiences learned that Carpenter brought queer royalty onstage with her: “Drag Race” queens Denali, Willam, Symone, Lexi Love, and Laganja Estranja, along with Ballroom legends Dashaun Wesley and Honey Balenciaga. The entire group took part in some visually stunning choreography before each held up a cardboard sign, with their sayings ranging from “Protect trans rights” to “In trans we trust” and “Support local drag.” With this song, Carpenter fought transphobia and called for equity with more bravery than anyone else that night — and she wasn’t done. 

“I do want to say: to my incredible cast and dancers and queens on stage with me tonight … this world, as we all know, can be so full of criticism and discrimination and negativity,” said Carpenter, as she accepted the award for “Best Album.” “So to get to be part of something so often, more than not, that is something that can bring you light, make you smile, make you dance, and make you feel like the world is yours … I am so grateful.” It’s an unfortunate truth that, while many celebrities enjoy featuring queer performers in their acts, too often these folks are treated as props rather than actual artists. Carpenter used every minute onscreen to show her love for these LGBTQ artists and grant them the national applause they deserve. It created many jaw-dropping, utterly LGBTQ moments throughout the night, and it gave everyone watching an exceptional model for how to be a true ally today. 

There were so many amazing moments at the 2025 VMAs, it’s unfair to label one as the best! From Eyekons to short n’ sweet activists, the award ceremony was stacked with reminders to everyone that queer people built the music industry they love — and that we’re not going anywhere. But, while each of these resonated with different fans for different reasons, there was a single instant that touched every queer person watching. 

When Ariana Grande accepted her award for “Video of the Year,” she succinctly surmised her appreciation for the LGBTQ community in a way that truly anyone can understand: “Thank you to my therapists, and gay people. I love you.”

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Lil Nas X and the cost of being seen

Queer rapper arrested, hospitalized for possible overdose

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Lil Nas X (Photo by DFree/Bigstock)

At a time when the world feels like it’s already choking on mouthfuls of disheartening news every day — genocide on the Gaza strip, climate crisis, political descent here and abroad – the last thing any of us want to hear about is another headline on a young star reportedly hospitalized following a possible overdose. Yet here we all are, watching a very familiar pattern unfold. This time, it’s our beloved queerby Lil Nas X.

According to TMZ, Lil Nas X, né Montero Lamar Hill, was reportedly hospitalized for a possible overdose mere months after he opened up publicly about how difficult the last few years of his career have been. He took to social media, stating, “I jumped straight into adulthood with extreme fame around me. So it was really nice to be just outside walking and meeting people in the streets and eating at restaurants, just even alone, spending a lot of alone time in solitude.”

Sound familiar? It should. The razzle-dazzling surface of fame seldom shows us the internal clutter and chaos, the pressure, the expectation to always be on, meanwhile mental health is brushed aside. And for our queer artists, particularly Black queer artists like Lil Nas X, the burden becomes that much denser.

We’ve seen this before. Demi Lovato. Aaron Carter. Whitney Houston. Talented, beloved artists who, for one reason or another, found themselves unraveling under the unrelenting scrutiny and chaos that comes hand in hand with fame. Some of them make it through. Some don’t. Many cry for help ages before things reach a breaking point. But what did we do? Did we listen? Did we leave Britney alone? Or are we the ones who light the match, pull out our phones, and film the flames? For once, please don’t tag me.

Lil Nas X sashayed onto the scene not just as a chart-topping artist, but as a cultural disruptor. Diva wore dresses to award shows. He clapped his cheeks on Lucifer in the music video for “Montero.” He vogued his way into the conversation on gender, sexuality, religion, and race that made a whole lot of folks uncomfortable, and that was the point. We were living for it, for him. We liked, we shared, and we reposted. We ate it tf up and licked our fingers clean. But did we ever truly care?

When a person like Lil Nas X steps out of the spotlight to say, “I’ve been having a  hard time,” do we respond with any empathy, or just wait around for the next head turning lewk or satanic lapdance? It’s easy to forget that behind the headlines is a real human. One with a nervous system, a childhood, a family, and so much more. And, what most often goes ignored by all, a limit.

There is something particularly painful about seeing this happen to queer people in the public eye. We’re told that visibility is freedom. And to an extent, it is. Lil Nas X became a rare symbol of queer Black excellence in mainstream media, an unapologetic icon. But visibility without protection has the potential to be fatal. Fame doesn’t guarantee safety — not physically nor emotionally. As a matter of opinion, for queer people, it’s more often than not the opposite.

When you’re queer in the spotlight, you’re performing resilience first and music second. You’re expected to rise above, to remain unbothered, to smile at all times no matter the weight of the pressure, to be a walking teachable moment at every moment. And when you break down? People either turn their backs or turn you into a meme.

FACT: mental health in the queer community is already a crisis. Study upon study have consistently shown that LGBTQ identifying folks are at significantly higher risk for anxiety, depression, and suicide. Add international stardom to the mix, and you don’t get immunity from this. You get fast-tracked.

And yet, we continue to lap up these public struggles like entertainment. The media machine feeds on our thirst, and we keep clicking. Headlines about a “possible overdose” become the most clicked clickbait. Tweets become jokes. Vulnerability becomes viral.

So then we have the question, what does it mean to authentically support an artist like Lil Nas X, not just when he’s on stage, but when off stage as well? When the posts stop posting. When the glitter dulls. Are we prepared to support our icons through their harder times the way we do when they’re on top of the world?

We can start by changing how we engage. Honestly take a moment to ask yourself, are you clicking on these stories to gag or to understand? Are you giving compassion or commentary? Are you holding a mic to their cry for help, or are you fetishizing their struggle?

We also need to shine a light on the entertainment industry to offer real mental health resources and protections, especially for young and marginalized artists whose career they are both responsible for and profit immensely from. Care does not come hand in hand with fame. It’s often the reason care is a concern.

We don’t know the full story of what happened with Lil Nas X, and jumping to conclusions is like eating at Chick-fil-A: only those of low intellect are tempted. But what we do know is that someone allegedly ended up in the hospital after publicly saying they were struggling. That alone should be enough to warrant concern. Not for the gossip or clicks but for simple humanity.

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