Connect with us

a&e features

Introducing the Torchbearers Awards honoring queer, trans women and nonbinary people

Meet the Legends and Illuminators lighting new paths

Published

on

The Torchbearers Awards are more than recognitionโ€”they are a continuation of legacy. They honor the quiet architects of progress in our community: those who organize, advocate, build, and protect, often without fanfare but always with purpose. Rooted in a belief in intentional recognition, this honor names those who carry our movements forwardโ€”those who make room for others, who remind us that change is both generational and generative. In a time marked by uncertainty and challenge, these leaders push forward with courage, clarity, and an unwavering commitment to expanding opportunity and equity.

This yearโ€™s honorees reflect the full breadth of our community, spanning generations, backgrounds, identities, and industries. From Legends, with decades of leadership and having created pathways for others, to Illuminators, who are lighting new paths with creativity and innovation, each Torchbearer represents the power of intergenerational leadership and the strength found in our diversity. They are organizers, advocates, artists, policy leaders, healers, and changemakers whose lived experiences shape a shared vision for equity and liberation.

This award is our love letter to queer and trans women and nonbinary people who carry the flame when it would be easier to let it dim. To those who consistently show up, who use their voice and visibility and stand firm, often without recognition, so that others may live more freely and fully. The Torchbearers Awards celebrates not just what has been done, but the enduring spirit, responsibility, and collective care that ensure the work continues, and that the flame is always passed forward. 

Co-Creators of the Torchbearers Awards: Shannon Alston, June Crenshaw, Heidi Ellis

Torchbearers Awards Advisory Board: Aditi Hardikar, Lesley Bryant, Jasmine Wilson-Bryant, Stephen Rutgers

ILLUMINATOR AWARDEES

  1. Representative Sharice Davids (she/her), (D, KS-03)
    โ€” U.S. House of Representatives
  2. Greisa Martinez Rosas (she/her/ella)
    โ€” Executive Director, United We Dream
  3. Paola Ramos (she/her)
    โ€” Journalist & Correspondent
  4. Meagan A. Fitzgerald (she/her)
    โ€” Journalist & Correspondent
  5. Jessica L. Lewis (she/her)
    โ€” Founder / Producer, Play Play DC
  6. Savannah Wade (she/her)
    โ€” Founder,  OAR Agency
  7. Suhad Babaa (she/her)
    โ€” Filmmaker/ Former Executive Director of Just Vision
  8. Ashlee Davis (she/her)
    โ€” Global Head of Inclusive Outcomes, Ancestry
  9. Jazmine Hughes (she/her)
    โ€” Journalist and Former Editor at New York Times Magazine
  10. Queen Adesuyi (they/she)
    โ€” Policy Advisor & Organizer, ReFrame Health & Justice
  11. Michele Rayner, Esq. (she/her)
    โ€” Civil Rights Attorney, State Representative (Florida House of Representatives) 
  12. Gaby Vincent (she/her)
    โ€” Sports/Cultural Commentator and Community Leader
  13. Jenny Nguyen (she/her)
    โ€” Founder & Owner, The Sports Bra
  14. Denice Frohman (she/her)
    โ€” Independent Artist, Poet / Performer
  15. Vida Rangel (she/her)
    โ€” Founder, Our Trans Capital
  16. Roxanne Anderson (they/them)
    โ€” Executive Director, Our Space
  17. Ann Marie Gothard (she/her)
    โ€” Co-Founder & President, Pride Live (Stonewall National Monument Visitor Center)
  18. Diana Rodriquez (she/her)
    โ€” Co-Founder & CEO, Pride Live (Stonewall National Monument Visitor Center)
  19. Wendi Cooper (she/her)
    โ€” Founder / Executive Director, Transcending Women
  20. Toya Matthews (she/her)
    โ€” City of San Antonio, Texas
  21. Mayor Gina Ortiz Jones (she/her)
    โ€” Sports/Cultural Commentator and Community Leader
  22. Charity Blackwell (she/her)
    โ€” Poet, LGBTQ Advocate & Community Leader
  23. Wilhelmina Indermaur (she/her)
    โ€” Director of Communications, Tyler Clementi Foundation
  24. Em Chadwick (she/her)
    โ€” CMO, For Them & Autostraddle
  25. Kylo Freeman (they/he)
    โ€” CEO, For Them & Autostraddle

LEGEND AWARDEES

  1. Sheila Alexander-Reid (she/her)
      โ€” Executive Director, PHL Diversity, Philadelphia Convention & Visitors Bureau
  2. Cassandra Cantave Burton (she/her)
    โ€” Interim Director of Thought Leadership & Senior Research Advisor, AARP
  3. leigh h. mosley (she/her)
      โ€” Photographer / Educator, PhotoFlo Photography
  4. Jenn M. Jackson, PhD (they/them)
      โ€” Assistant Professor of Political Science; Author & Columnist, Syracuse University
  5. Jordyn White (she/her)
      โ€”  COO, Washington Prodigy / VP of Leadership Development & Research, HRC Foundation
  6. AJ Hikes (they/them)
      โ€” Deputy Executive Director, ACLU
  7. RaeShanda Lias (she/her)
    โ€” Digital Creator, RL Lockhart
  8. Donna Payne-Hardy (she/her)
    โ€” Educator, EEO Specialist, Founder of NBJC, Former Leader at the Human Rights Campaign
  9. Courtney R. Snowden (she/her)
      โ€” Principal, Blueprint Strategy Group
  10. Gaye Adegbalola (she/her)
    โ€” Musician & Activist, Musician / Inductee of the Blues Hall of Fame
  11. Cheryl A. Head (she/her)
    โ€” Independent Author, Novelist (Crime Fiction)
  12. Letitia Gomez (she/her)
    โ€” The American LGBTQ+ Museum, Board Chair 
  13. Lynne Brown (she/her)
      โ€” Publisher, Washington Blade 
  14. Shay Franco-Clausen (She/Her/Ella/Queen)
    โ€” Political Strategist and Organizer
  15. Melissa L. Bradley (she/her)
      โ€” Founder & Managing Partner, New Majority Ventures
  16. Meghann Burke (she/her)
      โ€” Executive Director, NWSL Players Association
  17. Victoria Kirby York, MPA (she/they)
      โ€” Director of Public Policy & Programs, National Black Justice Collective
  18. Joli Angel Robinson (she/her)
      โ€” CEO, Center on Halsted
  19. Jeannine Frisby LaRue (she/her)
      โ€”  CEO, Moxie Strategies
  20. Alice Wu (she/her)
      โ€” Film Director (Saving Face, The Half of It) / Screenwriter
  21. Storme Webber (she/her)
      โ€” Interdisciplinary Artist / Educator, University of Washington
  22. Kim Stone
    โ€” CEO of the Washington Spirit, Washington Spirit
  23. Mickalene Thomas
      โ€” American Visual Artist, Mickalene Thomas Studio
  24. Erika Lorshbough (any/they/she)
    โ€” Executive Director, interACT
  25. J. Gia Loving (she/ella)
      โ€” Co-Executive Director, GSA Network
Advertisement
FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM
SIGN UP FOR E-BLAST

a&e features

Writing a play about Lincoln leads down a rabbit hole to a closet

As LGBT History Month arrives, new hints that our greatest president was gay

Published

on

Questions about President Abe Lincolnโ€™s sexual orientation have persisted and a new revelation about Lord Byron only adds to the speculation. (Public domain photo by Alexander Gardner)

Abraham Lincoln treasured poetry and it turns out his particular favorites were pretty queer, but I never would have detected that if I hadnโ€™t decided to write a stage comedy about his sex life. In my research for the play, I stumbled across what I believe is new evidence that Lincoln and Joshua Speed were lovers. The remarkable thing is that the evidence has been sitting in plain sight for more than 150 years. 

The rabbit hole swallowed me in 2019, when C.A. Trippโ€™s revolutionary biography โ€œThe Intimate World of Abraham Lincolnโ€ somehow fell into my hands. I was embarrassingly late to the Lincoln-was-gay partyโ€”Trippโ€™s book had come out 14 years earlierโ€”and the wonderful-to-me news that Lincoln played for my team started me plotting out a play, because I was pretty sure if I didnโ€™t know this, lots of people didnโ€™t and inquiring minds want to know, and the young queers of America should be told that they have yet another genius over whom to kvell.ย 

Historians and myth makers alikeโ€”often itโ€™s hard to tell the differenceโ€”have always painted Abe straight, and now that itโ€™s in question theyโ€™ve gotten peevish and insistent because, cโ€™mon, bro, everybody knows that in the 19th century all the guys were writing each other gushingly romantic letters and sharing a bed every night for four years. Meanwhile, the Queer Studies crowd assures us that they, the inventors of homosexuality, had not yet invented it, so it couldnโ€™t be that. 

But what kind of play to write? I wanted to put at least two of his lovers into it, and no playwright with any sense of drama would omit Abeโ€™s mad, physically abusive, spendthrift wife Mary. To get all of them in the same place at the same time meant bedroom farce. Keeping oneโ€™s lovers from knowing about each other is the keystone of bedroom farce and why the sets have so many doors. Speed, the great love of Lincolnโ€™s life, who often visited the White House during the Civil War, would arrive while Lincolnโ€™s wartime lover Army Captain David Derickson was there, too, and Abe would conceal them from each other and from Mary, who is suspicious and dangerous and prone to striking her husband. I also folded in Lincolnโ€™s writing of the Emancipation Proclamation, which in the play is helped along by an invented Black housekeeper, who has suspiciously 20th-century opinions and a shiny new invention: the animatronic steampunk Lincoln robot. “The Loves of Lincolnโ€ finally had its world premiere on June 19 of this year in Memphis, Tenn., where it was nominated for the best new original play of the 2025โ€“26 season, and lost. Now weโ€™re getting to the part about Lord Byron. Wait for it. Itโ€™s coming. Weโ€™re still setting the scene.

A cute, redheaded, gay Broadway producer told me the play would be stronger with a different kind of ending and for once a producerโ€™s note was spot onโ€”the play needed a final confrontation between Lincoln and Speed over love and slavery. The Speeds had dozens of slavesโ€”lots more than Mary Todd Lincolnโ€™s family, who had a few themselves. To write the scene I needed to know more than I did about the Speed-Lincoln relationship during the war. Speed was helping Lincoln keep the border state of Kentucky in line, but on the other hand his great wealth depended on slavery. 

Time for some research. Enter โ€œYour Friend Forever, A. Lincoln: The Enduring Friendship of Abraham Lincoln and Joshua Speedโ€ (2016, Columbia University Press) by Charles B. Strozier, a โ€œpsychobiographerโ€ who does the usual somersaults to explain away Lincolnโ€™s behavior as straight because writing gushingly romantic letters to other guys and sleeping in the same bed for four years was absolutely not gay in the 19th century, which is proved by the fact that all the guys were doing it. Which kind of made me want to build a time machine and stop off in 19th-century Illinois on my way to ancient Greece. And then, suddenly, sitting there quietly on page 45, like a dangling thread on a cardigan begging to be pulled, was the interesting datum that Joshua lent his gangly, athletic bedmate books, among them Joshuaโ€™s โ€œfavoriteโ€: Lord Byron.

The same Lord Byron who cut a swath a kilometer wide across the comely young men of Greece? The notorious libertine and sodomiteโ€”that Lord Byron? Well, yes, and itโ€™s not hard to draw a line straight from there to Lincolnโ€™s closet (coincidentally, one of the doors in The Loves of Lincoln leads into a closetโ€”โ€œWhy is my husband always in the closet?โ€), but for some reason, up to now, no one I know of has drawn that line.

Understand, just reading Byron does not make Josh and Abe homosexuals. Byron was a big seller and lots of straight men read him, though perhaps not while gazing dreamily into each otherโ€™s eyes (Joshuaโ€™s wide and blue, Abeโ€™s a melancholy gray), and OK we donโ€™t know thatโ€™s exactly how it went down, but we do know other interesting things thanks to William Herndon.

Bill was a clerk in Speedโ€™s general store, the store Speed and Lincoln slept above, and later the junior partner in Lincolnโ€™s Springfield law practice. Herndon worshipped Lincoln. After the assassination he interviewed pretty much every significant person in Lincolnโ€™s life, in what Strozier called one of the first oral history projects in America. Naturally, he interviewed Speed, who reported Lincolnโ€™s passion for the poetry of Byron. The sexual significance of the connection between Speed, Byron, and Lincoln has up to now been ignored by all biographersโ€”even the queer ones, like Tripp, who tried and did make the case for Lincolnโ€™s homosexuality.  Speed told Herndon he had introduced Lincoln to Byron: โ€œI don’t think he had ever read much of Byron previous to my acquaintance with him.โ€ Lord Byronโ€™s poetry was a stew of intense male friendship, forbidden sexuality, secrecy, alienation, and erotic misbehavior, and in the wake of his scandalous divorce his name had for years been a transatlantic byword for transgressive sexuality. Byron also became, alongside Burns, Milton and Shakespeare, one of Lincolnโ€™s four favorite writers.

Hereโ€™s where things get juicy. Speed said that, in particular, โ€œLincoln loved The Bride of Abydos.โ€ Byron wrote the poem in the wake of his travels through the Ottoman Empire, which was partly what we today would call sex tourism. The poemโ€™s beautiful young hero Selim is extremely feminized, conceals his true identity from his girlfriend (whom everyone thinks is his sister but theyโ€™re cousins), and only later reveals that he has a secret double lifeโ€”in the case of the poem, as the leader of a band of pirates. Now thereโ€™s a secret life with an All-Male Cast. Weโ€™ll let you supply the pirate joke that goes right here.

It gets better. Herndonโ€™s admittedly fragmentary notes from the Speed interview also specifically bring up Byronโ€™s โ€œTo Inez,โ€ the extraordinary lyric in โ€œChilde Haroldโ€ in which a man tells a woman that her beauty gives him no pleasure, that her eyes scarcely charm him, and that she must not attempt to discover his โ€œsecret woeโ€ or โ€œunmaskโ€ his heart. The subtext that leaps off the page, given that Byron was, as the actor Michael Redgrave described himself to his son, โ€œto say the least of it, bisexual,โ€ is that the speaker is in the closet. In the last stanza, he begs her not to pry:

What is that worst? Nay, do not askโ€”

In pity from the search forbear:

Smile onโ€”nor venture to unmask Man’s heart, 

and view the Hell that’s there.

So, queer-coded Byronic poetry formed an important part of Lincolnโ€™s imaginative world, and Speed remembered that fact nearly 30 years later, and told it to Herndon almost as if leaving literary breadcrumbs for posterity. As far as I have been able to determine, no previous Lincoln biographer or scholar of Lincoln’s sexuality has examined the queer implications of the Byron poems Speed specifically remembered Lincoln reading. Why has this been missed?

All of this would be meaningless if Speed and Lincoln didnโ€™t understand that Byron was a lover of men, but I assert that they would have. Lincoln was a discerning reader with a famously penetrating, tenacious mind that wouldnโ€™t let go of a thing until he understood it thoroughlyโ€”and a huge fund of worldly knowledge. He was by this time in the Illinois Legislature, had campaigned all over the state, and lawyers often encounter the seamy side of life, whether they seek it out or not. Furthermore, although Byronโ€™s indisputable affairs with men werenโ€™t explicitly documented in 19th century biographies and periodicals as they are today (the conventions and laws of the time all but guaranteed euphemism), rumors of Byronโ€™s โ€œunnaturalโ€ conduct crossed the Atlantic even during his lifetime. Articles repeatedly referred to an unnamed, horrifying, or โ€œunnaturalโ€ offense, a โ€œpeculiar enormity,โ€ and conduct violating the โ€œban of nature.โ€ In 19th century usage, โ€œunnatural crimeโ€ was a familiar euphemism for sodomy, while phrases like โ€œpeculiar enormityโ€ and โ€œban of natureโ€ invited readers to imagine sexual offenses too scandalous to name. Why use the words at all if readers werenโ€™t going to get the point? American readers had easy access to Byron biographies and memoirs, including Thomas Medwinโ€™s “Conversations of Lord Byronโ€ and Thomas Mooreโ€™s enormously influential โ€œLetters and Journals of Lord Byron,โ€ while American periodicals discussed the Byron memoir burned by his friends and the salacious suspicions around its contents. Lincoln and Speed would certainly have understood that one of the unmentionable sexual accusations surrounding Byron was man-on-man action.

Lincolnโ€™s love of Byronโ€™s queer-coded writings, fostered by Speed, โ€œprovesโ€ little on its own, but a lot when added to the rest of the evidence. And itโ€™s part of an even bigger story: reversing the erasure of queerness from history and documenting that many of humankindโ€™s greatest achievements are thanks to queer individuals. Both Lincoln and Speed had beards, literal and metaphoricalโ€”they didnโ€™t want their secret spilled while they were alive. But then again, I like to think that when Joshua Speed told William Herndon of Lincolnโ€™s love for those poems, he imagined a day when their love could be decoded and celebrated. Come to think of it, that day is today.

Continue Reading

a&e features

Acclaimed Chef Patrick Oโ€™Connellโ€™s memoir reveals the arc of a life well lived

Overcoming obstacles to serve everyone from Jerry Falwell to Queen Elizabeth

Published

on

Three-Michelin-star Chef Patrick Oโ€™Connellโ€™s new memoir is out now. (Photo courtesy of Patrick O'Connell)

Renowned three-Michelin-star Chef Patrick Oโ€™Connell says food and wine hold a unique ability to bring people together. Indeed, he has served everyone from right-wing zealot Jerry Falwell to Britainโ€™s Queen Elizabeth during his decades at the beloved Inn at Little Washington in rural Virginia. 

Oโ€™Connellโ€™s compelling new memoir, โ€œMain, Middle & Gayโ€ is out Sept. 15 from Celadon Books and offers a deeply personal account of how he transformed his love of food and affinity for the finer things into an iconic inn and restaurant that draws diners from around the world nearly 50 years after it opened in 1978.ย 

Oโ€™Connell is launching the book with an event on Sept. 18 at Lisner Auditorium featuring Chef Josรฉ Andrรฉs and former Washington Post food critic Tom Sietsema. He met Andrรฉs just after Andrรฉs began to work in D.C. and was โ€œon fire with ideas.โ€

โ€œWe sat next to each other at Charlie Trotterโ€™s restaurant and the meal went on for hours and we had a natural rapport,โ€ Oโ€™Connell told the Blade in a recent interview. โ€œThe chemistry will be fun and lively and unpredictable and exciting. I think weโ€™re all different personalities and weโ€™ll compliment each other.โ€

Oโ€™Connell said heโ€™s excited to hold the event at Lisner.

โ€œI studied theater at Catholic University and transferred to GWU so itโ€™s a coming home party and Lisner has been there since I was a kid and it was always like D.C.โ€™s Carnegie Hall. It feels like going home to my old stomping grounds.โ€ 

Oโ€™Connell hopes to bring the book to life visually at the event and he has produced a short film that will be screened.

The book traces the self-taught Oโ€™Connellโ€™s remarkable journey from rural paperboy and short-order cook to proprietor of one of the worldโ€™s most celebrated restaurants and Relais & Chรขteaux hotels. Along the way we learn about the many challenges he faced โ€” from distrustful and homophobic local residents in Washington, Va., to an expensive, public โ€œdivorceโ€ from his longtime romantic and business partner, Reinhardt Lynch.

“It parallels the evolution of American cuisine over 50 years,โ€ he said. โ€œItโ€™s a rare perspective to be in the trenches for that long.โ€

Oโ€™Connell writes candidly about his relationship with Lynch. The two opened the restaurant together โ€” Oโ€™Connell running the kitchen and Lynch handling the business. But Oโ€™Connellโ€™s accolades and growing notoriety led to jealousy that triggered a protracted falling out and dissolution of both their personal relationship and business partnership. Lynch, as recalled by Oโ€™Connell, attempted to secretly sell his 50 percent of the business but ultimately agreed to sell his stake back to Oโ€™Connell for a reported $17.5 million. โ€œThe Washington Post ran with it as a salacious celebrity divorce story and included all the financial details,โ€ he writes.

After taking full control of the Inn just as the recession of 2008 hit, Oโ€™Connell writes of the scrutiny of guests who assumed Lynchโ€™s absence would lead to a slip in quality. โ€œThe place couldnโ€™t be just as good as ever. It would have to be better.โ€

What happened next proved a royal opportunity as Queen Elizabeth visited Virginia to commemorate the 400th anniversary of the founding of the state and Oโ€™Connell was asked to cater a reception. This chapter is filled with juicy details and behind-the-scenes anecdotes about the pressures of cooking for the Queen. The subsequent media attention proved lucrative for the Inn and photos of the Queenโ€™s visit still hang in the Inn.

There are references to Oโ€™Connellโ€™s sexual orientation throughout the book and he doesnโ€™t shy from addressing his long relationship with Lynch or the resistance the couple encountered when they settled in sleepy Washington, Va. 

โ€œI didnโ€™t realize that I was walking into a prejudiced hornetโ€™s nest that I wasnโ€™t fully prepared for and there was a great deal of hostility in part because they didnโ€™t understand anything about what we were attempting to do here so everything about us and our desire to run a fine restaurant was foreign to them,โ€ Oโ€™Connell told the Blade. โ€œThe irony of a place opening in the center of town of 150 people and at that time the word โ€˜gayโ€™ wasnโ€™t used here. It was as if they didnโ€™t have space in their consciousness for such a thing. We were regarded as counter culture people. 

โ€œThe restaurant became a success almost overnight and the locals couldnโ€™t understand what the buzz was about,โ€ Oโ€™Connell continued. โ€œThey thought food is food and why would anyone drive 60 miles out here for food. They became resentful of the โ€˜outsidersโ€™ who came. Two outsiders were opening a restaurant and drawing other outsiders out here to a place where there werenโ€™t many jobs. There was resentment on many levels by some โ€” not all. They thought it would go away.โ€

But Oโ€™Connell said he never made his sexuality the focus of his work. Rather, he wanted to use food to bring people of all backgrounds together.

โ€œI never made a point or attempted to make that a central focus on my work,โ€ he said. “I felt that I had found my spot in the universe where I belonged, I loved living here, it was a sanctuary.โ€

Oโ€™Connellโ€™s insistence that everyone is welcome has sometimes created tension and negative press, as when President Trump presented him with a National Humanities Medal that brought criticism from some progressives.

โ€œWe see a fascinating clientele here; we donโ€™t judge and weโ€™re not political,โ€ he said. โ€œWhen people come they are entitled to our hospitality.โ€ 

One of those people was televangelist and notorious homophobe Jerry Falwell, who made a reservation at the Inn years ago. Oโ€™Connellโ€™s instruction to the staff was to treat Falwell like any other guest.

โ€œWe have an image of someone who maybe we would think would be hostile or judgmental and they often surprise us,โ€ Oโ€™Connell said. โ€œWe held our breath and hereโ€™s Falwell working the tables and saying this is the best meal Iโ€™ve ever had, arenโ€™t these two guys great and we thought heโ€™s doing PR for us and heโ€™s supposed to be the devil.โ€

Oโ€™Connell said he sees that dynamic play out night after night at the Inn. One of the most conservative national Republican figures, he said, is a regular and Vice President JD Vance dined at the Inn recently. Focusing on the food and hospitality for all constitutes Oโ€™Connellโ€™s brand of activism.

โ€œFood does bring people together,โ€ he said. โ€œAnd youโ€™re doing your part in erasing preconceived judgements.โ€

He said he and his team did more to advance understanding and acceptance by focusing on hospitality than if โ€œwe were out marching.โ€ 

As evidence, he said, there are more and more gay couples moving to the area and the townโ€™s mayor, Joe Whited, is gay.

โ€œWeโ€™re the biggest employer in the county and largest taxpayer,โ€ he added. โ€œThe Inn pays the town almost $1 million per year and property values are getting to be like Palm Beach. And that wasnโ€™t a goal it was a byproduct of doing something as well as it could be done.โ€

But the book isnโ€™t hagiography. Oโ€™Connell revisits traumatic events, like childhood bullies who attacked him for wearing a Little Red Riding Hood costume for Halloween and a sexual assault he endured as a young teenager aboard a bus.

โ€œI donโ€™t know why I couldnโ€™t call out for help or try to make the man stop,โ€ Oโ€™Connell writes of the incident. โ€œI didnโ€™t want to call attention to the situation and felt completely implicated. Once it began there was no stopping it.โ€

Interestingly, Oโ€™Connell told the Blade that one of the things he learned in writing the book is how little heโ€™s changed since childhood.

โ€œPeople tend to lock away a lot of childhood memories for good reason and in a book youโ€™re reliving them and bringing them to life,โ€ he said. “And my revelation is that I donโ€™t think Iโ€™ve changed much since I was six and I think most peopleโ€™s identity is pretty developed in their very early years and their personality is clear. What amused me most is Iโ€™m doing the same things now that I did in miniature as a five and six year old.โ€

As for popular TV shows about the restaurant business, Oโ€™Connell says he doesnโ€™t watch them.

โ€œItโ€™s fake,โ€ he said. โ€œThere are much more colorful characters and itโ€™s much more exciting in real life. Nobody seems capable of capturing that. So maybe this [book] will have the effect of doing that and showing what it takes.โ€ 

Oโ€™Connell said the books and stories he most enjoys reading are those that start in childhood and carry through until late in life. He has certainly delivered that in โ€œMain, Middle & Gay,โ€ a moving, fearless memoir filled with the unexpected and natural drama that revisits a uniquely American life.  

The Blade may receive commissions from qualifying purchases made via this post.

Continue Reading

a&e features

The mastery of love

The world knows Eric Anderson as Billy Porter’s partner, but in Rehoboth Beach, he has a story entirely his own

Published

on

Eric Anderson and Billy Porter met at a Christmas party and ended up talking until the sun came up. (Photo courtesy of Eric Anderson)

The world knows Eric Anderson as Billy Porter’s partner. In Rehoboth Beach, Del., he has a life โ€” and a story โ€” entirely his own.

My first time with Eric Anderson was hot โ€” very hot. Before he arrived, I sat waiting, overthinking everything. When he finally appeared in a loose-fitting T-shirt and purple shorts, I understood why he attracts attention. Eric is the kind of man who changes the energy of a room simply by entering it.

After a quick hello, we got right to it. Techno pulsed through the room as Eric told me how to move, where to place my hands, when to breathe. My heart pounded. My muscles ached. I bent, twisted, and stretched while sweat ran down my back and burned my eyes. I didn’t bother wiping it away.

To be clear, Eric and I were not alone. Five other people were with us โ€” and the yoga studio at SoulFire Collective in Rehoboth Beach was heated to 87 degrees.

“If you are always racing toward the next moment, what happens to the one you’re in?” Eric asked, opening his power yoga class and inviting us to leave whatever had followed us through the door and surrender to the present. Surrender did not come easily. At 58, I’ve done enough yoga to know the difference between discomfort and imminent death. Halfway through Eric’s relentless flow, the distinction began to blur.

A playlist of techno and remixed pop โ€” including “Live Like You Were Dyingโ€ โ€” carried us from one demanding pose to the next. Eric moved among the mats with the energy of a nightclub DJ and the calm of someone who trusted our bodies to go further than our minds believed possible. Nearly an hour later, when the music softened and I collapsed onto my back in savasana, he laid a cool cloth across my forehead. I exhaled โ€” relieved, and maybe a little disappointed, that my first time with Eric was over.

At the end of my mat, a handwritten note congratulated me on my first class and invited me back โ€” a small benediction after the storm. Then Eric closed the class by repeating the question with which he’d opened. For a man whose relationship with actor and singer Billy Porter has drawn him unexpectedly into the public eye, it sounded less like a yoga mantra than a personal creed.

The next time I meet Eric, there is air conditioning and caffeine. We are at Starbucks, where I deliberately order the largest drinks available, as though volume alone might buy me more time. He chooses a matcha, and I order herbal tea. My heart is pounding again, faster than the soft rock drifting from the speakers above us. Although I’ve already spent more than an hour with Eric, I know almost nothing about the man I’m about to interview.

Neither, it seems, does anyone else.

Celebrity outlets offer a handful of biographical details: a Rehoboth Beach teacher and yoga instructor with a master’s degree from Columbia University. Gay publications have been less restrained. One introduced him as Billy Porter’s “total hot stud,” called him “a snacc,” and praised his ability to “rock a Speedo.” Queerty distilled Eric’s identity to five words: “Porter is dating a teacher.”

All of it tells me how the world sees him. None of it tells me who he is.

I know from our text exchanges that Eric is slammed for time. He is scheduled to travel to New York later that day and fly to WorldPride Amsterdam the following afternoon. Billy is among the headliners for the opening-night Unity Concert and is also slated to perform at the Wedding Party XXL alongside KI/KI, Bimini, and the Vengaboys. Eric still has to pack. This, I’m beginning to understand, is part of loving someone famous: there is almost always an itinerary, another city, and a specific time and place Billy needs to be. Even here, with two untouched drinks between us, the clock is ticking.

Eric Anderson (Photo courtesy of Eric Anderson)

As soon as we sit down, I open my laptop, ready to get to work. My mind is focused on the list of questions I’ve prepared, and I’ve already anticipated the shape of most of his responses. Then I look up and see Eric sitting perfectly still, smiling, and taking in the moment. He hasn’t even taken a sip of his matcha yet.

I quietly close my laptop and breathe.

Within minutes, the interview softens into a conversation.

Eric earned a bachelorโ€™s degree in history from the University of Delaware and a masterโ€™s in public school leadership from Teachers College, Columbia University. He began his career teaching mathematics before moving into school administration, eventually serving as vice president of the Charter School of Wilmington and head of school at Sussex Academy. Today, he teaches mathematics and social studies in the Cape Henlopen School District. He also coaches soccer and leads yoga classes at SoulFire Collective in Rehoboth Beach.

His return to the classroom was deliberate. Eric knows some people assumed there must be a story behind his leaving administrationโ€”that he had done something wrong or that teaching represented a demotion.

โ€œI want to make it clear that I went back to teaching by choice,โ€ he says.

As a child, Eric played school. Teaching has always felt natural to him, less like an occupation than an expression of who he is. Administration was different.

โ€œIt felt like work,โ€ he says. โ€œIt wasnโ€™t where my passion was, and it didnโ€™t bring me joy. Going back into the classroom was simply me choosing joy.โ€

The more Eric talks, the clearer it becomes that teaching is not merely a job but a vocation. His mother is white and his father is Black, and growing up biracial was not always easy. โ€œI saw the best and the worst of both,โ€ he tells me. Those experiences helped shape his desire to become a teacher โ€” to be the kind of person who could make a meaningful difference in a young personโ€™s life.

Just then, Eric glances over his shoulder and locks eyes with someone across the room. He waves and flashes what is quickly becoming his signature smile. My first thought is that someone has recognized him as Billy Porterโ€™s partner.

Iโ€™m wrong. Itโ€™s one of his former students.

Inevitably, our conversation turns to love โ€” and to Billy. I’ve made it clear that I’m here to write about Eric, not Billy Porter. But separating the two entirely would be as artificial as defining Eric only by their relationship. Billy is now an essential part of his story.

Eric met Billy at a Christmas party hosted by mutual friends who had been trying to introduce them all night. It wasn’t easy โ€” the party was crowded, and the two men never quite crossed paths. Eric stayed for the afterparty, where a friend nudged him and nodded toward the room: Billy was looking his way. Romance never crossed his mind.

Eventually, they started talking. Eric has never had much patience for small talk, and he wasn’t interested in cataloging which celebrities Billy knew. He skipped it entirely and went straight for the deeper questions โ€” what Billy believed, how he saw the world, what mattered to him. They ended up at the kitchen table, trading life philosophies until 5 a.m.

What struck Eric most wasn’t the conversation’s length. It was its depth. Billy wasn’t who he expected. Neither was the conversation. By the time the sun was coming up, Eric was less surprised that they’d talked all night than by how much, it turned out, they had in common.

They had dinner the following evening, and Billy invited Eric to spend the weekend with him in New York. There, Billy took him to see Nicole Scherzinger in “Sunset Boulevard.” Right before the show started, he casually introduced Eric to a friend named Katy. Back in their seats, Eric asked how Billy knew her.

“BITCH,” Billy replied, “that is Miss K-A-T-Y P-E-R-R-Y!”

For all the glamour surrounding their courtship, Eric describes the foundation of their relationship in decidedly spiritual terms. His favorite book is don Miguel Ruiz’s The Mastery of Love, which explores how fear, expectation, and the need for approval can distort relationships. Its philosophy closely resembles Eric’s own.

On the surface, Eric and Billy inhabit different worlds. Eric is a deeply spiritual teacher rooted in a small coastal Delaware town. Billy is a celebrated actor and performer whose larger-than-life persona commands stages around the world. But when I ask Eric how the relationship works, he doesn’t hesitate.

“I know that I can be my authentic self with him, and he can be his with me,” he says. “We love each other unconditionally.”

The words could sound rehearsed. Coming from Eric, they don’t.

The red carpets, famous faces, and international travel are not what matter most.

“It’s all about the people,” he explains. “I love Billy’s family and friends, and he loves mine.”

Authenticity surfaces repeatedly in our conversation โ€” not as an abstract ideal, but as Eric’s determination to trust what feels right for him, even when other people may not understand it. I tell him about growing up in Pittsburgh and spending much of my life trying to fit the person I was into the person the world expected me to be. Eric listens intently, then pauses before responding.

“Fuck the system.”

It is blunt, funny, and entirely consistent with the man sitting across from me. Dating Billy may have dramatically increased the number of strangers who have opinions about Eric, but it hasn’t increased the number whose opinions matter to him. He is remarkably unconcerned with what people he doesn’t know think โ€” or say โ€” about him. The attention is new. His response to it is not.

For Eric, authenticity isn’t about asking the world for permission to be yourself. It’s about deciding that permission was never the world’s to give.

That instinctโ€”to look inward rather than outward for permission โ€” predates Billy.

Eric initially turned to yoga for a practical reason: he wanted to improve his physical performance on the soccer field. It didn’t take long for him to realize that something else was happening. Yoga was strengthening his body, but it was also grounding him.

Over time, the physical practice became inseparable from the mental one. The poses, the heat, even the strength required to hold his body in place became less important than learning how to quiet the noise around him, stay present, and listen to himself. The man who had pushed me through an hour of sweat and discomfort wasn’t simply teaching people how to move their bodies. He was asking them to practice something he had learned to do himself.

That sense of being grounded has become particularly important in a relationship that often requires two people to live very different lives. Eric is quick to point out that he and Billy have separate careers, separate ambitions, and goals entirely their own. Neither expects the other to abandon an individual life simply because they have chosen to build a relationship together.

When Billy left for London to star in “Cabaret,” distance became part of their routine. They FaceTimed every day, a practice they continue whenever they are apart.

“I tell Billy everything,” Eric says.

Being authentic with Billy doesn’t require the two men to become more alike. If anything, the opposite seems true. They are comfortable following their own career paths, living separate lives when circumstances require it, and giving each other the freedom to pursue what matters individually. Then they come back together โ€” not because either has put his own life on hold, but because they have chosen to share those lives with each other.

When we finally look at the time, nearly 90 minutes have passed. Eric still needs to pack. New York is waiting, Amsterdam after that, and somewhere there is undoubtedly an itinerary telling Billy exactly where he needs to be and when.

But for a while, neither of us was racing toward the next moment.

We were fully inside the one we were in.

Continue Reading

Popular