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Anniversary for marriage

One year after the first same-sex couples wed in D.C., all eyes are on Maryland

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Candy Holmes (left) and Darlene Garner on their wedding day last March. (Blade file photo by Michael Key)

As the battle over marriage equality in Maryland reaches its endgame, the sparks it throws are reflected in the lives of real people, including a married couple wed just next door in Washington on the first day the D.C. same-sex marriage law went into effect in March of 2010.

Residents of Bowie, Md., one of the three couples wed with fanfare at the Human Rights Campaign headquarters on March 9, 2010  — Candy Holmes and Darlene Garner — looked back this week at the struggles to win equality in D.C. and the continuing efforts in Maryland.

“In retrospect, it’s been a mixed year,” Holmes says. “Because it was a great year to be married in D.C. in my hometown and Darlene’s adopted city, really it was a year of a piece of heaven, once we got through the murky waters that it might be taken away by the courts. It was the realization of something long desired by us, to be married, and legally acknowledged so, to the love of my life.”

“But when we come back to where we live, in Maryland, where our marriage is not recognized, the struggle goes on because we were free to be married in D.C., but we are not free to be married in Maryland — yet.”

Holmes and Garner — who dated on and off for 14 years before getting married — are both ordained ministers in the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC), a liberal, mostly gay Christian denomination — and now they are determined to see the blessings afforded to them by marriage become theirs by right also where they live.

“We have so much enjoyed the last 12 months as a married couple,” Garner says. “We have been completely embraced by our extended and blended families — children, grandchildren, even great-grandchildren, cousins — and I will be eternally grateful to the D.C. government elected officials, and also remain hopeful that the elected officials in my home state will follow the example set in our national capital.”

When Garner and Holmes boast of their blended, extended family, they are not talking idly. Garner is the mother of four, grandmother of seven and great-grandmother of three, the eldest of whom is now 3 years old.

Holmes considers Garner’s offspring hers too.

The giddiness and hoopla from a year ago now long since subsided, how do they assess what marriage equality means to them today? Once they were married, “there’s been a big difference at work,” says Holmes, who has worked as a manager in the federal government’s GAO (now called the Government Accountability office) for 34 years. “It shows up in how people greet me and treat me, the respect and regard from others.”

Statistics from D.C. Superior Court’s Marriage Bureau show a surge of weddings in the District, more than double the number from the prior year, March 2009-March 2010.

Those numbers — 6,604 marriages in D.C. from March 3, 2010, when the same-gender right to marry, enacted in December 2009, went into effect, through March 2, 2011 — vaulted over the number from the prior year, when only 3,101 couples applied for marriage licenses in D.C.

The city doesn’t track how many straight couples there were versus same-sex couples, but the court attributes the spike to the change in the marriage law.

Speaking last week at an event held to celebrate enactment of the new law, Mayor Vincent Gray said he “was thrilled to hear this,” adding that the new law “has been so smoothly implemented,” even though he acknowledged that he has lost some friends due to his own outspoken support for the measure when he served on City Council until being elected mayor in November. But he said that was a price he willingly has paid for doing what he called “the right thing.”

As for the possibility that the new Republican majority in the U.S. House of Representatives might still seek to roll back the new law, the mayor said he was aware it could happen, but “I haven’t heard anything yet” about it.

And so the dust in D.C. has settled. And in the wake of the new law have come party planners and experts in wedding officiating like Deborah Cummings-Thomas and Sheila Alexander-Reid, both licensed and ordained to perform weddings, lesbians and partners since May of last year in Marry Me in D.C., which helps connect people wanting to marry in D.C. with what Cummings-Thomas calls “our network of gay and gay-friendly service providers who celebrate, not just tolerate them on their wedding day.”

On March 19, Marry Me in D.C. hosts a “Marriage Equality Wedding Expo,” from noon to 4 p.m. at the Washington Court Hotel, 525 New Jersey Avenue NW, on Capitol Hill. Tickets are $10 in advance or $15 at the door. Advance registration is encouraged at marrymeindc.com.

Robin McGehee (Blade file photo by Michael Key)

Marriage not a happy ending for all

With the legalization of same-sex marriage comes, inevitably, gay divorce.

Robin McGehee has felt its sting. The 37-year-old California resident and lesbian who decided to wed in June 2008, says she decided to un-wed a year and a month later, in July 2009. She and her partner took their vows under California’s same-sex marriage law prior to its being overturned by the state’s voters in November 2008 ballot when Proposition 8 passed. Their marriage remained valid however under a grandfather clause.

But it fell victim nevertheless, in an ironic way, says McGehee, since it was the fight against its passage that brought her into the fray to oppose Prop 8.

After getting iced out of volunteer work at her son’s Catholic school, she became a gay activist and helped organize the National Equality March, held in Washington in October 2009. As a newly mobilized activist, she says, she was “on the road almost every weekend for months at a time.”

And that activism led her away, she acknowledges, from placing a focus needed at home, to repair the fraying ties that bound her with her spouse, a woman 19 years her senior, with whom she had joined in 2001 in a domestic partnership contract under California law. They had been a couple for 11 years at the time of their wedding.

She says she “met someone on the road, someone I connected with emotionally.” Basically, she admits, “I fell for someone else.” They have now been together for a year and a half, and they face, McGehee says, “the same challenges,” because now she is also working a second job, as executive director of GetEqual, a group that focuses on using non-violent civil disobedience to advance LGBT rights.

As for her former spouse, they remain in constructive discussions over dual issues, caught up still in legal proceedings over the terms of ending both their marriage and their earlier domestic partnership. Closure should come, she expects, “any time now.”

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Rehoboth Beach

CAMP Rehoboth hires new executive director

Dr. Robin Brennan’s background includes healthcare, fundraising roles

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Dr. Robin Brennan

CAMP Rehoboth, the Delaware LGBTQ community center, on Monday announced Dr. Robin Brennan as the organization’s new executive director.  

Brennan, who is relocating full time to Rehoboth Beach with her wife and daughter, will start on March 23. The position opened up following the retirement of Kim Leisey after more than two years in the role.

Brennan’s background is in health systems. At Nemours Children’s Health in Wilmington, Del., she held senior roles in evaluation, population health, and DEI education, according to a CAMP Rehoboth statement. Most recently, she served as vice president and Chief Diversity and Inclusion Officer at Redeemer Health. Brennan is an experienced fundraiser, according to the statement.

“After conducting a comprehensive national search, the Board of Directors selected Robin because of her depth of leadership experience, her fundraising acumen and her overall joyful, focused approach,” said Leslie Ledogar, president of the CAMP Rehoboth board of directors and chair of the Executive Director Search Committee. “The fact that core to her leadership is her belief that community well-being is inseparable from access to health, culture, education and the arts – an approach that mirrors CAMP Rehoboth’s holistic mission – makes Robin the exact next person to lead CAMP Rehoboth today and into the future.” 

“I am deeply honored to serve as CAMP Rehoboth’s executive director as we enter an exciting new chapter,” said Brennan. “I was drawn to CAMP Rehoboth because of its unwavering mission, deep roots in the community, and the meaningful role it plays in bringing people together. I look forward to meeting members of the community, listening to their stories, and building meaningful relationships with the many people who make CAMP Rehoboth such a vital community anchor.”

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Comings & Goings

Ferentinos joins National Museum of American History advisory board

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Susan Ferentinos, Ph.D.

The Comings & Goings column is about sharing the professional successes of our community. We want to recognize those landing new jobs, new clients for their business, joining boards of organizations and other achievements. Please share your successes with us at [email protected]

The Comings & Goings column also invites LGBTQ+ college students to share their successes with us. If you have been elected to a student government position, gotten an exciting internship, or are graduating and beginning your career with a great job, let us know so we can share your success. 

Congratulations to Susan Ferentinos, Ph.D., on her appointment to the Advisory Board of the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History. On her appointment she said, “This is a moment when historians must stand up for accuracy, complexity, and the full breadth of the American story. I look forward to working with my fellow board members to ensure the National Museum of American History continues to fulfill its mission of serving all Americans with the highest standards of scholarship and integrity.”

Ferentinos operates her own national consulting business based in Port Townsend, Wash., with satellite operations based in Delaware County, Pa. Her business helps museums, historic sites, and government agencies expand and diversify the stories they tell about the American past. Her work focuses on interpreting LGBTQ history and women’s history, bringing overlooked narratives into mainstream historical interpretation. Her clients have included the National Park Service, the American Association for State and Local History, Baltimore Heritage, and numerous museums and historic sites across the country.  Among her many accomplishments, Susan was part of the teams responsible for getting three LGBTQ sites designated as National Historic Landmarks. Two of those landmarks are in Washington, D.C. She authored the NHL nominations for the Furies Collective, in Capitol Hill, building on research performed by local historian Mark Meinke, and she authored the NHL nomination for the home of African-American educators Lucy Diggs Slowe and Mary Burrill, in Brookland, building on research by Eric Griffitts and Katherine Wallace, of EHT Traceries. 

Ferentinos earned her bachelor’s degree from College of William and Mary in International Development and Philosophy; a master’s from Indiana University in United States History; and a Ph.D. from Indiana University in United States History.

Shawn Gaylord

Congratulations also to Shawn Gaylord on joining a team at Berkshire Hathaway PenFed Reality in Solomons, Md. His focus will be Southern Maryland – Calvert, St. Mary’s, Charles, and Anne Arundel. Gaylord still leads the LGBTQ+ Strategies Team at The Raben Group and works part-time on federal policy for GLSEN. 

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Maryland

Md. Commission on LGBTQIA+ Affairs released updated student recommendations

LGBTQ students report higher rates of bullying, suicide

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(Washington Blade photo by Ernesto Valle)

The Maryland Commission on LGBTQIA+ Affairs has released updated recommendations on how the state’s schools can support LGBTQ students.

The updated 16-page document outlines eight “actionable recommendations” for Maryland schools, supplemented with data and links to additional resources. The recommendations are: 

  • Developing and passing a uniform statewide and comprehensive policy aimed at protecting “transgender, nonbinary, and gender expansive students” against discrimination. The recommendation lists minimum requirements for the policy to address: name, pronoun usage, and restroom access.
  • Requiring all educators to receive training about the specific needs of LGBTQ students, by trained facilitators. The training’s “core competencies” include instruction on terminology, data, and support for students.
  • Implementing LGBTQ-inclusive curricula and preventing book bans. The report highlights a “comprehensive sexual education curriculum” as specifically important in the overall education curriculum. It also states the curriculum will “provide all students with life-saving information about how to protect themselves and others in sexual and romantic situations.” 
  • Establishing Gender Sexuality Alliances “at all schools and in all grade levels.” This recommendation includes measures on how to adequately establish effective GSAs, such as campaign advertising, and official state resources that outline how to establish and maintain a GSA. 
  • Providing resources to students’ family members and supporters. This recommendation proposes partnering with local education agencies to provide “culturally responsive, LGBTQIA+ affirming family engagement initiatives.” 
  • Collecting statewide data on LGBTQ youth. The data on Maryland’s LGBTQ youth population is sparse and non-exhaustive, and this recommendation seeks to collect information to inform policy and programming across the state for LGBTQ youth. 
  • Hiring a full-time team at the Maryland Department of Education that focuses on LGBTQ student achievement. These employees would have specific duties that include “advising on local and state, and federal policy” as well as developing the LGBTQ curriculum, and organizing the data and family resources. 
  • Promoting and ensuring awareness of the 2024 guidelines to support LGBTQ students. 

The commission has 21 members, with elections every year, and open volunteer positions. It was created in 2021 and amended in 2023 to add more members.

The Governor’s Office of Communication says the commission’s goal is “to serve LGBTQIA+ Marylanders by galvanizing community voices, researching and addressing challenges, and advocating for policies to advance equity and inclusion.” 

The commission is tasked with coming up with yearly recommendations. This year’s aim “to ensure that every child can learn in a safe, inclusive, and supportive environment.” 

The Human Rights Campaign’s most recent report on LGBTQ youth revealed that 46.1 percent of LGBTQ youth felt unsafe in some school settings. Those numbers are higher for transgender students, with 54.9 percent of them saying they feel unsafe in school. 

Maryland’s High School Youth Risk Behavior Survey reveals a disparity in mental health issues and concerns among students who identify as LGBTQ, compared to those who are heterosexual. LGBTQ students report higher rates of bullying, feelings of hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts. Nearly 36 percent of LGBTQ students report they have a suicide plan, and 26.7 percent of respondents say they have attempted to die by suicide. 

The commission’s recommendations seek to combat the mental health crisis among the state’s LGBTQ students. They are also a call for local and state governments to work towards implementing them. 

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