Living
Pride in the Panhandle
W.Va. may be ‘wonderful’ but gays in its eastern tip see room for improvement
Marla Seymour and John Mason, officers of a new group called Eastern Panhandle LGBTQ Alliance of West Virginia. (Washington Blade photo by Joey DiGuglielmo)
MARTINSBURG, W.Va. — What’s it like to be LGBT in West Virginia? Gay and lesbian residents there say that although it’s not as bad as it could be, there’s still a lot of work to be done.
The state’s Eastern Panhandle — parts of which include quaint towns like Harpers Ferry, Berkeley Springs and Shepherdstown that are sometimes destinations for Washington residents who want to venture beyond the hustle and bustle — is a distinct region.
Martinsburg, in Berkeley County, is just more than 60 miles from Washington and sits along an interesting stretch of Interstate 81 where one can drive through Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania in about 45 minutes. The other two counties in the Panhandle — Jefferson and Morgan — are also easy to navigate, the former especially where it’s not uncommon to find residents who work in the D.C. Metro area but are drawn to West Virginia for its drastically more affordable real estate prices.
The tri-county area is also home to many same-sex households; same-sex marriage is illegal here although it’s not one of the 31 states that have constitutional amendments banning it. According to Williams Institute analysis of 2010 Census data, Jefferson and Berkeley are the two counties with the most same-sex households (Morgan contains drastically fewer). Jefferson has 6.29 per 1,000 households; Berkeley 5.69. Kanawha County includes the state capitol, Charleston, and has a PFLAG chapter, a gay men’s chorus and is home to the state’s LGBT activist group Fairness West Virginia, yet it sits fourth overall in the state for number of same-sex households.
And while Democrats have a stronghold in government here — they currently hold the governorship, both Senate seats and both houses of the state legislature — West Virginians are still considered largely conservative and have supported the Republican candidate for president in every election since 2000.
A new group called Eastern Panhandle LGBTQ Alliance of West Virginia formed in mid-June, its retired organizers realizing they had time on their hands and sensing a need for more interaction among the Panhandle’s gay residents than currently exists.
John Mason came out in 2000 after many years as a family man with two daughters and dual careers in the telecom industry and as an evangelical pastor of a non-denominational Bible church he formerly led in Potomac, Md. He moved to Jefferson County about eight years ago and is neighbors with Marla Seymour, a lesbian who came here from Frederick in 2002.
“Marla and I were talking in her living room one night and we were kind of like, ‘OK, what are we going to do now,’” Mason says over coffee at Jumpin’ Java Café in downtown Charles Town, W.Va., a small town in Jefferson County. The café is one the new group has targeted as gay affirming in a church-and-business directory it’s compiling.
“The light bulb really came on for both of us,” he says. “We just feel this is the perfect option. We’ve got at-risk kids with suicide, kids who have no support, who are homeless because they’re gay and we thought, ‘This is really what we need. We need a resource beyond the internet where there are actual people that these kids can talk to and find support, find community, have social interaction with other gay people. … With the Supreme Court decisions on Prop. 8 and DOMA, we’ve got a lot of momentum going and we’ve got to tap into it and see what we can draw out of it for the LGBT community here.”
The group has elected officers, is working on mission and vision statements and has a Facebook page that has attracted about 2,000 “likes.” The first fundraiser, a drag bingo, is scheduled for Sunday evening from 6 to 10 p.m. at The Club (5268 Williamsport Pike, Martinsburg), the only gay bar in the area. Organizers say they also want to start a PFLAG chapter, an LGBT alcoholics anonymous group and have a Pride event next summer.
“It may just be a covered dish picnic, but it will be something,” Seymour says.
Ally Susan Pellish took kids of parents who attended the first steering committee meeting out for ice cream so the adults could strategize. She’s been involved with AIDS work in the region for years and says she supports the new group wholeheartedly.
“It’s a great opportunity for the residents of West Virginia to see what a viable community we have and how diverse it is and how wonderful the integration can be as it should be,” she says.
Though she loves the area, she says it has its downfalls.
“I know there are children here who have been banned and disowned and have no place to go for Christmas, for the holidays,” she says. “That kind of injustice is just beyond my comprehension.”
Others in the state are also expressing support.
Coby Myers, owner of the Club and gay himself, says supporting charitable and LGBT-affirming groups such as the Alliance is central to his business plan (since opening in January, he says the Club has “done very well.”).
“The Eastern Panhandle has never had anything like this and we have a very large LGBT community here that people don’t really recognize,” Myers says. “I’m all about helping them raise money for whatever will benefit them and the community.”
Attorney Stephen Skinner lives in the Panhandle, founded Fairness West Virginia in 2006 and is the state’s first openly gay elected official. He’s a Democrat in the West Virginia House of Delegates. He called the Alliance effort “noble” and says he’s “delighted to support any group that works toward equality.”
Casey Willits is the executive director of Fairness West Virginia as of May and says although his group is working more on the legislative front — the Alliance is working to attain 501c3 status, which would prevent it from lobbying — he’s excited to see what the group will accomplish.
“It’s so great to see people that are passionate about their community,” he says. “I’m just thrilled that people take it seriously enough that they feel called to take action.”
Mason, who says he’s been devoting about six hours a day to the group, says several goals lie on the immediate horizon — a website beyond the Facebook page, a resource guide to include LGBT-friendly businesses, churches and service groups in the region, an investigation and possible resource sharing with campus and high school alliance groups in the area (there are rumored to be two GSAs at Panhandle high schools but the Blade could not immediately confirm this), the aforementioned PFLAG chapter and more.
As for downsides both encountered or feared, Mason and Seymour say the region’s largely bedroom community type of atmosphere could be problematic. They both know of many gay and lesbian older couples that have second homes or have retired here and aren’t interested in this kind of thing.
“It is a concern of mine that we may bump up against a gay wall,” Seymour says. “I think there may be gay people here who aren’t especially interested in change. I don’t think they would do anything to intentionally harm us, but I think that could be a big bucket of gay support we’d be missing and it concerns me. … Those people are established, they’re comfortable, they come here to get away. They don’t really want to be part of this umbrella or this resource. They come here to vacate, not engage and that’s a different battle entirely. Some of them have supported us but not a lot.”
Mason says his biggest goal is letting young LGBT people know they’re not alone.
“We want to tell them to come join us,” he says. “You may have been born into a conservative family, born into a conservative church, but you can choose your family and we can be that family for you. … We want to provide support, encouragement and resources for that younger gay person who just has no support.”
Michael,
I’m 34, and after being on the dating scene for about 12 years, I’m coming to the conclusion that I don’t want to be in a relationship.
I don’t love hanging out with the same person over and over again. I don’t feel all gooey when I’ve been with someone for a while. I run out of things to say, and also, it just gets boring.
I like my space. I don’t like having to share the bathroom or have someone next to me all night, especially when they want to go to sleep holding me. I know that sounds like heaven to a lot of people but it just feels intrusive to me.
It’s a pain to have to compromise what I want to do. When I want to go someplace on vacation, or try a restaurant, or get up early to go to the gym, or sleep in, I don’t want to have to run that by someone else and get their OK. Life’s short. I want to do what I want to do.
I feel like we are constantly bombarded with the message to date and find a mate, but I don’t really see the point. I don’t think I’m an introvert—I have a lot of friends—but I also like to spend time by myself and not be accountable to anyone.
When I think about marriage, it seems like a very old-fashioned concept, developed for straight people who want to have children. Historically you needed one person to work and another one to stay home and raise the kids. And you needed to stay together to give your kids two parents and a stable home. I get that.
But if I’m not having kids, what’s the point? I don’t need a husband to have sex. I can and do hook up all the time. It’s so easy to find someone online. And I get to have a lot more variety when I’m single than when I’m dating. Even though my relationships are always open, when I am dating someone, I always hook up a lot less, because I have to worry about the boyfriend’s feelings being hurt if I hook up “too much.”
I know I sound unromantic and maybe selfish but this is how I see it.
My friends are all about having a boyfriend. They think I’m being ridiculous. Can I get another opinion?
Michael replies:
You make great points. Relationships do require us to give up some of our independence. They can feel stifling at times. And when the excitement of a new partner fades, things will at times feel “boring” in all sorts of ways, including sex. You can choose to avoid all of this by remaining single.
But relationships also give us tremendous overlapping opportunities to grow, including:
Being pushed to develop a clear sense of self: When we must constantly decide what we are willing to do or not do as part of a couple; and when our partner inevitably and frequently has interests, values, and priorities that conflict with ours, then we are challenged, over and over, to decide what is most important to us and how we want to live our lives.
Frequent opportunities to build resilience: All those old issues from our past that get us upset or riled up? We have to work through them so that we can stay (pretty) calm rather than losing our minds when our buttons are pressed.
Improving our ability to have hard conversations – and without rancor: Unless we’re able to disagree, speak up, or confront when it’s important to do so, we are going to twist ourselves into a pretzel striving to accommodate the other person. And being able to engage in tough talks in a loving way is necessary if we want to have a loving relationship.
Becoming a more generous person: You wrote that you like to have things your way. But part of life, whether or not we are partnered, involves being thoughtful, considerate, and willing to put someone else first at times. Great relationships require us to do all of these things regularly—and many of us find that contributing to the happiness of someone we care about can increase our own happiness.
Besides these ongoing challenges, relationships give us the experience of someone knowing us deeply, and knowing someone deeply. There can be great comfort in going through life with someone with whom we have this intimate connection, along with ongoing shared experiences of trust, support, comfort, and love. Long-term companionship is also an adventure: Can we keep the relationship vibrant and fun as we both keep changing over time?
If you choose to remain single: Many people play their friendships on the easy setting, keeping things pleasant, on-the-surface, and non-confrontational; and cutting people off when things aren’t going well. Hanging in there to deal with the rough stuff can lead to deeper, longer friendships, and plenty of personal growth.
I do have a question for you: I am curious what sort of relationships you saw growing up, and what your own relationship experiences have been.
Intimate relationships aren’t for everyone, and you get to decide what is right for you. But if your negative view of relationships is influenced by having witnessed or experienced intrusive or just plain awful relationships, maybe you want to do some work (therapy, for example) to heal from this stuff, rather than letting your past limit your future. A healthy relationship means being part of a couple while also remaining a vibrant individual, not being stifled, bored, and losing your independence.
(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].)
Autos
Wagons ho! High-class, head-turning haulers
Automakers still offer a few good traditional station wagons
As a teenager, one of the first cars I drove — and fell in love with — was our family’s hulking full-size wagon. It stretched over 19 feet in length and weighed a whopping 5,300 pounds. That’s three feet longer and 1,000 heavier than, say, a Ford Explorer today.
But this Leviathan felt safe and practical, especially when tootling around town with my crew or traveling solo cross-country. Of course, this hauler was also an eco-disaster.
Luckily, that’s not the case today. And even though the number of traditional station wagons keeps shrinking, automakers are still offering a few gems.
VOLVO V60 CROSS COUNTRY
$54,000
MPG: 23 city/31 highway
0 to 60 mph: 6.6 seconds
Cargo space: 51 cu. ft. (rear seats folded)
PROS: Elegant design. Composed handling. Top safety features.
CONS: So-so power. Modest rear legroom. Only two trim levels.
The 2026 Volvo V60 Cross Country doesn’t cry for attention — and that’s the point. This is the automotive equivalent of Kristen Stewart, a celebrity who’s confident in her own skin and sees no need to post about it.
Under the hood, there’s a four-cylinder turbo engine paired with a mild-hybrid system, producing 247 horsepower. You won’t outrun other drivers, but there is a sense of calm authority when accelerating. The standard all-wheel drive and 8.1 inches of ground clearance mean this wagon is ready for dirt roads, bad weather or a spontaneous weekend jaunt.
And inside? Scandinavian minimalism at its finest. Clean lines. Gorgeous materials. Google-based infotainment that mostly works — though occasionally the system could be a bit faster, at least for my taste. The ride is smooth, composed and quiet, even if acceleration feels more “measured sip” than “espresso shot.”
But here’s the twist: After more than a decade, this is the final Volvo wagon in the U.S. Its farewell tour ends in 2026. That alone gives it collector-car status.
MERCEDES-AMG E53 WAGON
$95,000
MPG: 21 city/25 highway
0 to 60 mph: 3.4 seconds
Cargo space: 64.6 cu. ft. (rear seats folded)
PROS: Supercar vibe. Hybrid versatility. Stunning interior.
CONS: Some fussy controls. Can feel heavy when cornering.
If the Volvo V60 Cross Country is subtle, the 2026 Mercedes-AMG E53 Wagon is a screamer. It’s like being at a Lil Nas X concert: flashy, high energy, and full of shock and awe.
This performance wagon — a plug-in hybrid, no less — pushes well over 500 horsepower (and in some configurations over 600 horsepower), launching from 0 to 60 mph as fast as a $300,000 Aston Martin supercar.
Yes, deep down, this is still a wagon. But you also can do a Costco run in something that could embarrass sports cars at a stoplight. That duality is delicious.
Inside, Mercedes leans all the way in. The high-tech Superscreen setup stretches across the dash. Ambient lighting glows like a curated art installation. The 4D surround-sound audio literally pulses through the seats. It’s immersive. Borderline excessive. And entirely the point.
Rear-axle steering helps mask the size of this car, but there’s no hiding the weight — it’s a big, powerful machine. Still, this hauler handles far better than physics suggests it should.
PORSCHE TAYCAN CROSS TURISMO
$121,000
Range: 265 miles
0 to 60 mph: 2.8 seconds
Cargo space: 41 cu. ft. (rear seats folded)
PROS: Lightning fast. Space-age design. EV smoothness.
CONS: Very pricey. Options add up quickly. Limited rear visibility.
The Porsche Taycan Cross Turismo completely rewrites the wagon formula. Fully electric. Shockingly fast. Designed like it belongs in the Louvre.
Performance is instant. Depending on trim level, you’re looking at 0-to-60 mph in less than 3 seconds. No exuberant engine noise — just that smooth, purring EV surge.
Handling? Pure Porsche. Low center of gravity thanks to the battery-pack placement. Precision that makes winding roads feel like choreography. And then — hello — there’s also a Gravel Mode for light off-road use.
Inside, the style is restrained but high-tech. Digital displays dominate, including a 10.3-inch passenger side touchscreen. Yet the layout feels intentional rather than overwhelming. Build quality is exceptional. Options, including leather-free materials and an active-leveling system for hard cornering, are endless — and expensive.
Range varies by model. But as with any EV, your lifestyle (and charging access) matters.
Overall, this is a wagon that looks and behaves like one helluva class act.
Advice
My family voted for Trump and I cut off contact
Now my father is ill and I don’t know what to do
Dear Michael,
I stopped talking to my family last year because they all voted for Trump. It’s not like they didn’t know whom they were voting for — they’d already had four years of seeing him in action.
I decided that I couldn’t remain in contact with people whom I felt wanted to take away my rights as a gay man. That is what they essentially did by voting for Trump.
They had come to my wedding in 2012, they had welcomed my husband and me into their homes for the holidays for our entire relationship, so I couldn’t believe how little they actually cared about me and my community. I was profoundly hurt.
They’ve reached out but I have been too angry at their hypocrisy to engage in more than a perfunctory way. I miss them, sure, but as I’ve watched our community be attacked, I just get so angry that I don’t want to talk. I certainly don’t want to hear them justify bigotry and hatred.
Now one of my siblings has reached out to let me know that my father’s health is rapidly declining. I’m wondering if I should rethink my decision and reach out to him, maybe even visit, before he dies.
But then I think of ICE’s attack on our country and the removal of the Pride flag from Stonewall and I don’t want to talk to people who support what is happening to vulnerable, marginalized people and the LGBTQ community.
My father was a good father to me. Even when I first came out to him, he was loving and supportive. I can’t square his behavior personally toward me with his support of this regime. The hypocrisy makes me so angry. How could he purport to love me and then vote against my freedoms?
I would love some suggestions about how to square my two opposing viewpoints.
Michael replies:
Many years ago, a great mentor taught me that the one thing you can count on in a relationship is learning to tolerate disappointment: Both being a disappointment, and being disappointed in the other person. This is true for love relationships and it’s also true for other significant relationships. All of us are different in some major ways and so we are bound at times to disappoint our loved ones in major ways, and to be disappointed by them in major ways.
That is why I’m not a fan of purity tests. To expect that someone must think like you (much less vote like you) in order for you to have a relationship with them is unrealistic, impractical, and sometimes damaging.
Of course, a person may hold some beliefs that give you reason not to want to have any connection to them. But is that the case here?
From your description, your family has always been loving and supportive of you as a gay man. That is no small thing. They seem to care about you enough to have continued to reach out, even though you have stopped talking to them.
Perhaps they had some other reasons for voting as they did, other than to roll back LGBTQ rights and to attack immigrants.
Instead of wondering how they could be so hypocritical, how about talking with them and striving to understand their choices? I don’t know what they will say, and you may hear different answers from your various family members. But at least you will get some clarity, rather than presuming that they made their voting choices from a place of malice. Then you will be in a better position to decide if you want a relationship going forward.
Another point to consider: Very few things are set in stone. Even if your family made their voting choices based on holding positions that you neither like nor respect, they may be open to shifting their views over time. One way to perhaps influence their thinking is by engaging with them, sharing your thoughts, and asking them to consider the possible consequences of their actions. If you choose to re-engage with them, two points to consider:
First, don’t expect that you will change their minds. You can advocate for what you want, but you have to let go of the results.
Second, they are more likely to consider your points if you do not approach them from a judgmental, self-righteous stance.
Many years ago, when I was newly a vegetarian, I was eager to challenge and “educate” friends who weren’t following my dietary ideas. Guess what? It didn’t work. Then I got some great advice: A great way to influence others to consider eating fewer animals was to serve them delicious vegetarian food.
The same point is true here. We can’t beat people over the head to agree with us. But if we approach them with some kindness, rather than with the certainty that we hold the moral high ground, we may help them see a bigger picture.
And sometimes, we too may see a bigger picture.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
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