Living

Pride in the Panhandle

W.Va. may be ‘wonderful’ but gays in its eastern tip see room for improvement

Published

11 years ago

August 8, 2013

Marla Seymour and John Mason, officers of a new group called Eastern Panhandle LGBTQ Alliance of West Virginia. (Washington Blade photo by Joey DiGuglielmo)

MARTINSBURG, W.Va. — What’s it like to be LGBT in West Virginia? Gay and lesbian residents there say that although it’s not as bad as it could be, there’s still a lot of work to be done.

The state’s Eastern Panhandle — parts of which include quaint towns like Harpers Ferry, Berkeley Springs and Shepherdstown that are sometimes destinations for Washington residents who want to venture beyond the hustle and bustle — is a distinct region.

Martinsburg, in Berkeley County, is just more than 60 miles from Washington and sits along an interesting stretch of Interstate 81 where one can drive through Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania in about 45 minutes. The other two counties in the Panhandle — Jefferson and Morgan — are also easy to navigate, the former especially where it’s not uncommon to find residents who work in the D.C. Metro area but are drawn to West Virginia for its drastically more affordable real estate prices.

The tri-county area is also home to many same-sex households; same-sex marriage is illegal here although it’s not one of the 31 states that have constitutional amendments banning it. According to Williams Institute analysis of 2010 Census data, Jefferson and Berkeley are the two counties with the most same-sex households (Morgan contains drastically fewer). Jefferson has 6.29 per 1,000 households; Berkeley 5.69. Kanawha County includes the state capitol, Charleston, and has a PFLAG chapter, a gay men’s chorus and is home to the state’s LGBT activist group Fairness West Virginia, yet it sits fourth overall in the state for number of same-sex households.

And while Democrats have a stronghold in government here — they currently hold the governorship, both Senate seats and both houses of the state legislature — West Virginians are still considered largely conservative and have supported the Republican candidate for president in every election since 2000.

A new group called Eastern Panhandle LGBTQ Alliance of West Virginia formed in mid-June, its retired organizers realizing they had time on their hands and sensing a need for more interaction among the Panhandle’s gay residents than currently exists.

John Mason came out in 2000 after many years as a family man with two daughters and dual careers in the telecom industry and as an evangelical pastor of a non-denominational Bible church he formerly led in Potomac, Md. He moved to Jefferson County about eight years ago and is neighbors with Marla Seymour, a lesbian who came here from Frederick in 2002.

“Marla and I were talking in her living room one night and we were kind of like, ‘OK, what are we going to do now,’” Mason says over coffee at Jumpin’ Java Café in downtown Charles Town, W.Va., a small town in Jefferson County. The café is one the new group has targeted as gay affirming in a church-and-business directory it’s compiling.

“The light bulb really came on for both of us,” he says. “We just feel this is the perfect option. We’ve got at-risk kids with suicide, kids who have no support, who are homeless because they’re gay and we thought, ‘This is really what we need. We need a resource beyond the internet where there are actual people that these kids can talk to and find support, find community, have social interaction with other gay people. … With the Supreme Court decisions on Prop. 8 and DOMA, we’ve got a lot of momentum going and we’ve got to tap into it and see what we can draw out of it for the LGBT community here.”

The group has elected officers, is working on mission and vision statements and has a Facebook page that has attracted about 2,000 “likes.” The first fundraiser, a drag bingo, is scheduled for Sunday evening from 6 to 10 p.m. at The Club (5268 Williamsport Pike, Martinsburg), the only gay bar in the area. Organizers say they also want to start a PFLAG chapter, an LGBT alcoholics anonymous group and have a Pride event next summer.

“It may just be a covered dish picnic, but it will be something,” Seymour says.

Ally Susan Pellish took kids of parents who attended the first steering committee meeting out for ice cream so the adults could strategize. She’s been involved with AIDS work in the region for years and says she supports the new group wholeheartedly.

“It’s a great opportunity for the residents of West Virginia to see what a viable community we have and how diverse it is and how wonderful the integration can be as it should be,” she says.

Though she loves the area, she says it has its downfalls.

“I know there are children here who have been banned and disowned and have no place to go for Christmas, for the holidays,” she says. “That kind of injustice is just beyond my comprehension.”

Others in the state are also expressing support.

Coby Myers, owner of the Club and gay himself, says supporting charitable and LGBT-affirming groups such as the Alliance is central to his business plan (since opening in January, he says the Club has “done very well.”).

“The Eastern Panhandle has never had anything like this and we have a very large LGBT community here that people don’t really recognize,” Myers says. “I’m all about helping them raise money for whatever will benefit them and the community.”

Attorney Stephen Skinner lives in the Panhandle, founded Fairness West Virginia in 2006 and is the state’s first openly gay elected official. He’s a Democrat in the West Virginia House of Delegates. He called the Alliance effort “noble” and says he’s “delighted to support any group that works toward equality.”

Casey Willits is the executive director of Fairness West Virginia as of May and says although his group is working more on the legislative front — the Alliance is working to attain 501c3 status, which would prevent it from lobbying — he’s excited to see what the group will accomplish.

“It’s so great to see people that are passionate about their community,” he says. “I’m just thrilled that people take it seriously enough that they feel called to take action.”

Mason, who says he’s been devoting about six hours a day to the group, says several goals lie on the immediate horizon — a website beyond the Facebook page, a resource guide to include LGBT-friendly businesses, churches and service groups in the region, an investigation and possible resource sharing with campus and high school alliance groups in the area (there are rumored to be two GSAs at Panhandle high schools but the Blade could not immediately confirm this), the aforementioned PFLAG chapter and more.

As for downsides both encountered or feared, Mason and Seymour say the region’s largely bedroom community type of atmosphere could be problematic. They both know of many gay and lesbian older couples that have second homes or have retired here and aren’t interested in this kind of thing.

“It is a concern of mine that we may bump up against a gay wall,” Seymour says. “I think there may be gay people here who aren’t especially interested in change. I don’t think they would do anything to intentionally harm us, but I think that could be a big bucket of gay support we’d be missing and it concerns me. … Those people are established, they’re comfortable, they come here to get away. They don’t really want to be part of this umbrella or this resource. They come here to vacate, not engage and that’s a different battle entirely. Some of them have supported us but not a lot.”

Mason says his biggest goal is letting young LGBT people know they’re not alone.

“We want to tell them to come join us,” he says. “You may have been born into a conservative family, born into a conservative church, but you can choose your family and we can be that family for you. … We want to provide support, encouragement and resources for that younger gay person who just has no support.”

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Real Estate

The rise of virtual home tours

Adapting to changing consumer preferences in spring real estate

Published

8 hours ago

April 26, 2024

Jeff Hammerberg

Looking for a home? Virtual tours hold special benefits for queer buyers.

In today’s dynamic real estate market, the spring season brings not only blooming flowers but also a surge of activity as buyers and sellers alike prepare to make their moves. However, in recent years, there’s been a notable shift in how consumers prefer to explore potential homes: the rise of virtual tours.

For the LGBTQ community, these virtual experiences offer more than just convenience; they provide accessibility, safety, and inclusivity in the home buying process.

Gone are the days of spending weekends driving from one open house to another – unless that’s your thing of course, only to find that the property doesn’t quite match expectations. With virtual tours, you can explore every corner of a home from the comfort of your own space – find something interesting? Schedule a showing with any LGBTQ Realtor at GayRealEstate.com.

This is particularly significant for LGBTQ individuals, who may face unique challenges or concerns when attending in-person showings. Whether it’s the ability to discreetly view properties without fear of discrimination or the convenience of touring homes located in LGBTQ-friendly neighborhoods across the country, virtual tours offer a sense of empowerment and control in the home buying process.

Moreover, virtual tours cater to the diverse needs of the LGBTQ community. For couples or families with busy schedules or those living in different cities or states, these digital walkthroughs provide a convenient way to view properties together without the need for extensive travel. Additionally, for individuals who may be exploring their gender identity or transitioning, virtual tours offer a low-pressure environment to explore potential living spaces without the added stress of in-person interactions.

At GayRealEstate.com, we understand the importance of adapting to changing consumer preferences and leveraging technology to better serve our community. That’s why our agents offer an extensive selection of virtual tours for LGBTQ individuals and allies alike – visit our website, choose an agent and within minutes you’ll have access to the Multiple Listing Service (MLS) via their website.

From cozy condominiums in bustling urban centers to sprawling estates in picturesque suburbs, virtual tours showcase a wide range of properties tailored to diverse tastes and lifestyles.

In addition to virtual tours, GayRealEstate.com provides comprehensive resources and support to guide LGBTQ buyers and sellers through every step of the real estate journey. Our network of LGBTQ-friendly agents is committed to providing personalized service, advocacy, and representation to ensure that all individuals feel respected, valued, and empowered throughout the process. Plus, we are happy to provide a free relocation kit to any city in the USA or Canada if you are a home buyer.

As we embrace the spring season and all the opportunities it brings in the real estate market, let’s also celebrate the power of virtual tours to revolutionize the way we find and experience our future homes. Whether you’re searching for your first apartment, forever home, or investment property, GayRealEstate.com is here to help you navigate the exciting world of real estate with confidence, pride, and inclusivity.

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].

Advice

Should I divorce my husband for the hot new guy in our building?

Debating whether to leave or stay after the sex goes cold

Published

16 hours ago

April 26, 2024

Michael Radkowsky

Dear Michael,

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and the sex is pretty much gone. It stopped being exciting a long time ago and pretty much the only time we ever do it is with the occasional third.

A really hot guy moved into our building about a year ago. We would see each other sometimes in the elevator or at our building’s gym and we started talking and really hit it off. Mark is 15 years younger than I but we seem to have a lot in common. We started hooking up and the sex is amazing.

I haven’t told my husband because it’s breaking our rule about no repeats. I have to say that the secrecy is hot. It’s kind of a thrill to take the elevator upstairs when I say I’m going on an errand. But it’s more than that. I have a connection with Mark that is far more amazing than what I have ever felt with my husband. Not just the sex. We just enjoy being together, talking about anything and everything.

My husband went to visit his family last weekend and I spent the whole time with Mark. Since then I can’t stop thinking that I want to leave my husband and be with Mark.

Part of me thinks this is a crazy mid-life crisis. I mean, this kid’s in a totally different place in life. But we have mind-blowing sex and a fantastic connection. I’d like your thoughts on how to proceed.

Michael replies:

You’ve got a lot to consider.

First: Sex with a long-term partner changes over time. It tends to be less about erotic heat and more about the connection with a person whom you love. In other words, it’s being with the person you’re with that makes the sex meaningful and even great. Having a good sexual relationship with a long-term partner comes far more from a heart connection than from a crotch attachment.

Second: You seem ready to throw your relationship under the bus pretty quickly, without addressing other problems in the relationship besides sex. When you are sneaking around, lying, and rule-breaking , I don’t see how you can look your husband in the eye; and if you can’t look him in the eye, you certainly can’t have even a half-way decent relationship.

Yet another point to consider: Affairs pretty much always seem more exciting than marriage. The partner is new, which almost automatically makes the sex hotter; the secrecy is a thrill; and you don’t have to deal with paying the rent, house chores, and all the petty annoyances of living up-close with someone day-in, day-out.

You are bringing lots of energy to your affair, and everything about it is exciting. You are bringing no energy — at least no positive energy — to your marriage. You get what you put into a relationship.

Divorce is not something that should be entered into lightly. Be aware that if you leave your husband for Mark, you will no doubt find over time that the sex becomes less exciting and that the connection is not always fantastic. No surprise, 75 percent of marriages that begin with affair partners end in divorce. While I don’t think statistics predict what will happen to any particular couple, believing that you will have a significantly better relationship with your affair partner than you did with your husband sets you up for likely disappointment.

Many gay men focus on “hot sex” as the big draw, pursuing a lot of sex with a lot of men, and/or pursuing an ongoing series of relationships that last until the sex cools. If that’s what you want, that’s fine. But it’s a different path from pursuing a close and loving long-term relationship, which involves knowing someone well and having him know you well; collaborating on getting through the hard stuff life throws at us; finding ways to make peace with disappointment; and consistently striving to be someone worth being married to.

How to proceed? While you are the only person who should make that decision, I would suggest that whatever your choice, keep in mind that marriage can be more than what you’ve made of it, so far.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

Autos

Sport haulers: Jeep Grand Cherokee, Mercedes GLE-Class

Updated cabins, adept handling, and more

Published

7 days ago

April 20, 2024

Joe Phillips

Jeep Grand Cherokee

Now that March Madness and the Masters are over, it’s time for, well, everything else. For my husband and me, this means water sports, as in kayaks and rowing sculls, which is why we trekked to the Potomac for the George Washington Invitational regatta last weekend.

Alas, high winds splashed cold water on the event, canceling much of it. But there was still plenty of spirited camaraderie to rival “The Boys in the Boat.”

And I was reminded of my time years ago as a rower with D.C. Strokes, ferrying teammates to races up and down the East Coast. Back then my ride was a dated, rather cramped four-door sedan.

If only we could have paddled around in a sporty SUV like the two reviewed here. Now that would have been some smooth sailing (wink-wink).

JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE

$40,000

MPG: 19 city/26 highway

0 to 60 mph: 7.5 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 37.7 cu. ft.

PROS: Updated cabin, adept handling, strong towing

CONS: So-so gas mileage, no third row, pricey trim levels

IN A NUTSHELL: Rough, tough and buff. It’s doesn’t get much more butch than a Jeep. This year’s Grand Cherokee is no exception, with rugged looks, expert off-road capability and better-than-average towing capacity of 6,200 pounds.

There are a dizzying number of trim levels—more than a dozen—starting with the barebones base-model Laredo at an affordable $40,000. The lineup tops out with the Summit Reserve 4xe PHEV, which is almost twice the price at $76,000 and one of various plug-in hybrid versions available. Those plug-in hybrids can drive up to 25 miles on all-electric power before the four-cylinder gas engine kicks in. Otherwise, you can choose from a standard V6 or V8. Gas mileage on all trim levels is basically the same as the competition.

Where the Grand Cherokee really shines is in the handling. More refined than a Wrangler but less lavish than a Land Rover, this Jeep maneuvers just as well on city streets and highways as it does on bumpier terrain.

I tested the mid-range and mid-priced Overland, which comes standard with four-wheel drive and large 20-inch wheels. It also boasts a slew of niceties, such as quilted upholstery, panoramic sunroof and high-tech digital displays. These include a 10.25-inch infotainment touchscreen and rear-seat entertainment system.

The nine-speaker Alpine stereo, designed specifically for the Grand Cherokee, is pleasing. But I really wanted to hear the boffo 19-speaker McIntosh surround-sound system that Jeep also offers. Sigh, it’s only available on the premium Summit trim level.

MERCEDES GLE-CLASS

$64,000

MPG: 20 city/25 highway

0 to 60 mph: 6.6 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 33.3 cu. ft.

PROS: Lush interior, silky-smooth suspension, speedy

CONS: Some confusing electronics, tight third row, many competitors

IN A NUTSHELL: For a more high-class hauler, there’s the Mercedes GLE-Class. This midsize SUV is similar in size to the Jeep Grand Cherokee. But instead of seating five passengers, the GLE can carry up to seven. Sure, legroom in the optional third row may be tight for taller travelers, but it’s perfect for a cocky cockswain or two.

Six trim levels, ranging from the base-model GLE 350 to two high-performance AMG models. For eco-conscious buyers, the GLE 450e plug-in hybrid arrived earlier this year and can run on battery power alone for almost 60 miles.

My test car was the top-of-the-line AMG 63 S 4Matic, a head-turner in every way. Priced at a whopping $127,000, this GLE looks best in glossy black with the Night Package, which includes tasteful jet-black exterior accents and matte-black wheels. To complete the Darth Vader effect, there’s a deep, menacing exhaust rumble that’s downright threatening.

You expect such a ride to be wicked fast, and it is: 0 to 60 mph in a blistering 3.7 seconds. Yet the carbon ceramic brakes with their devil-red calipers are equally impressive in slowing things down quickly.

Inside, each GLE comes with two large digital displays on the elegantly sculpted dashboard. My favorite feature is the “Hey Mercedes” digital assistant, which responds to voice commands such as opening or closing the sunroof, operating the infotainment system or activating the climate controls.

It’s hard to find sport seats that are more comfortable, especially with the heavenly massage function (though those massage controls could be a bit more user-friendly.) For AMG models, the seats come with red-contrasting stitching and red seatbelts—a nod to the devilish demeanor under the hood.

Considering all the SUVs available in showrooms, few make quite the splash of a GLE.