National
‘Don’t Go Home!’ until ‘Don’t Ask’ is done
Demonstrators demand Senators extend session
(Blade photo by Michael Key)
Supporters of open service in the U.S. military rallied on Capitol Hill Friday to urge the Senate to stay in session for as long as needed until lawmakers repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
Braving the December cold, around 100 participants gathered near the U.S. Capitol at the Upper Senate Park for the event, which was organized by the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network.
Those in attendance shouted the refrain “Don’t Go Home!” as they demanded that lawmakers continue work on Capitol Hill until “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is repealed.
The rally comes in the wake of a devastating defeat that supporters of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal suffered on Thursday when the Senate failed to move ahead with major defense legislation containing repeal language by a vote of 57-40, three votes short of the 60-vote threshold necessary to end a filibuster.
Aubrey Sarvis, executive director of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, told the crowd the vote represented a setback, but said supporters of repeal have “reported back for duty.”
“In this lame duck, we speak everyday for all LGBT service members as they fight for our freedom,” Sarvis said. “In this Congress, we raise our voices as one and say, ‘Senators, kill this law, kill this law before you go home!'”
A number of veterans and current service members — gay and straight — addressed the rally and called for an end to the military’s gay ban.
Mike Almy, a gay former Air Force communications officer who was discharged in 2008 under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” also called on the Senate to stay in session until work is done on lifting the military’s gay ban.
“The Senate wants … to go home to their families and not do their duties and sit by warm fireplaces comfortably in their homes for Christmas while the work remains unfinished,” Almy said. “If I can serve overseas in harm’s way for four Christmases defending our nation, the Senate can certainly do the same.”
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) has set Dec. 17 as the target date for adjournment for the Senate, although some lawmakers, including Sens. Joseph Lieberman (I-Conn.) and Mark Udall (D-Colo.), have said they’re willing to stay in session through the week before Christmas to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
Ret. Maj. Gen. Dennis Laich, who’s straight served in the Army for 35 years, said repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is needed because the ban compromises the integrity of the U.S. military.
“‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ acknowledges that gays and lesbians serve in our military, but pretends they’re not there,” he said. “It destroys the values of that institution and on which it is based.”
Should the Senate not repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” Laich predicted what he called a “Spartacus moment” in which the estimated 66,000 gay and lesbian people serving in the military would declare their sexual orientations under the current law.
“How much does it cost to process the discharge of 66,000 service members?” Laich said. “How much does it cost to recruit and train their replacements? How long will it take to recruit and train those replacements? And how vulnerable will America be during this self-imposed national security crisis?”
Speakers at the rally had particularly strong words for senators who were among the “no” votes on Thursday preventing the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” legislation from coming to the Senate floor.
Almy, an Ohio native whose family still lives in the state, said he was particularly disappointed in Sen. George Voinovich’s (R-Ohio) decision to vote against the legislation. The senator was considered a swing vote on moving forward with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
“Yesterday, you shamed me with your vote as well as the rest of the Ohio veterans,” Almy said. “This is going to be your legacy. You are on the wrong side of history here Sen. Voinovich. I call on you here specifically to stay here in Washington and not leave.”
Two speakers who hailed from West Virginia also had harsh words for Sen. Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.), the only Democrat who voted against the motion to proceed Thursday on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal legislation.
Sgt. Jared Towner, a straight member of the West Virginia Army National Guard, said the “very, very established progressive youth element” in his state is disappointed in Manchin for his vote and could decline to back him when he’s next up for election in two years.
“We are the people that are going to be there — or we are the people that are not going to be there — in 2012,” Towner said. “You have to be there for us.”
Former Army Sgt. Pepe Johnson, a field artilleryman and Clarksburg, W.Va., native who was discharged under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in 2003, said he was “embarassed” because Manchin “decided to be a lone ranger” and vote against repeal.
“He said he’d only been in office for three weeks, so he didn’t have a chance to hear from the people of West Virginia,” Johnson said. “Well, Joe Manchin, if you can’t hear now, you better get a hearing aide!”
Many participants echoed the general tenor of the rally that Congress should stay in session for the time that’s needed to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” before going home.
Toby Quaranta, 25 and a gay D.C. resident, said he participated in the rally because he wants “people everywhere to know” that supporters of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal don’t want lawmakers to adjourn until the law is off the books.
“I think the Senate has a responsibility to the service members and to the people who just re-elected a lot of them to make sure that they get their business done before they leave town,” Quaranta said.
Bridget Geraghty, 25 and a lesbian D.C. resident, expressed frustration that the Senate was unable to act on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal when the vote came before the chamber on Thursday.
“I was seriously disappointed, but I guess not really surprised,” she said. “It’s never a surprise when Republicans don’t do what they’re supposed to do, and I think it was ridiculous that they are not letting this happen.”
One group of rally participants held up a banner during reading “In memory of Seaman August Provost, 1979-2009: All LGBT employees of the Department of Defense deserve EQUAL RIGHTS!”
Provost, a gay Navy seaman stationed at Camp Pendleton, Calif., was found dead on base last year and was possibly murdered because of his sexual orientation. He reportedly had complained to family members that was being harassed before he was killed.
Also among the rally participants was Rea Carey, executive director of the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force. Following the rally, she told the Blade she was “extremely disappointed” in the Senate vote on Thursday, but expected repeal advocates to continue toward their goal.
“I’m pleased that there are senators who are going to continue to push in this lame duck, and all of us at this rally and elsewhere around the country are going to push with them,” she said.
Many repeal advocates are pinning their hopes on new stand-alone legislation that Lieberman introduced in the Senate following the defeat on Thursday of the fiscal year 2011 defense authorization bill. The new stand-alone measure is identical to the repeal provision in the defense legislation.
Following the rally, Sarvis expressed optimism about the chances of passing the stand-alone repeal legislation in the lame duck and said repeal advocates are working to come up with 60 votes to move forward with the legislation in the Senate.
“The defense authorization bill, as a vehicle, became stale for a number of reasons,” he said. “Some senators talked about process or the procedure. I think our chances may well improve on a clean bill — clean in the sense of new introduction.”
Sarvis said attaching repeal language to the continuing resolution that Congress will soon vote on to extend funding for the U.S. government is another option on the table.
Still, Sarvis said using this measure as a vehicle for repeal would be “one of the last opportunities” for legislatively ending the military’s gay ban this year.
“Normally, the CR sometimes moves sometimes literally in the final hours,” Sarvis said. “So that is clearly an option that is out there. That’s why SLDN has put it on the table.”
State Department
State Department implements anti-trans bathroom policy
Memo notes directive corresponds with White House executive order
The State Department on April 20 announced employees cannot use bathrooms that correspond with their gender identity.
The Daily Signal, a conservative news website, reported the State Department announced the new policy in a memo titled “Updates Regarding Biological Sex and Intimate Spaces, Including Restrooms.”
The State Department has not responded to the Washington Blade’s request for comment on the directive.
“The administration affirms that there are two sexes — male and female — and that federal facilities should operate on this objective and longstanding basis to ensure consistency, privacy, and safety in shared spaces,” State Department spokesperson Tommy Piggot told the Daily Signal. “In line with President Trump’s executive order this provides clear, uniform guidance to the department by grounding policy in biological sex as determined at birth.”
President Donald Trump shortly after he took office in January 2025 issued an executive order that directed the federal government to only recognize two genders: male and female. The sweeping directive also ordered federal government agencies to “effectuate this policy by taking appropriate action to ensure that intimate spaces designated for women, girls, or females (or for men, boys, or males) are designated by sex and not identity.”
The Daily Signal notes the new State Department policy “does not prohibit single-occupancy restrooms.”
National
I’m telling the scared little girl I once was it’s okay to feel free
This week is Lesbian Visibility Week
Uncloseted Media published this article on April 23.
By SOPHIE HOLLAND | At 13 years old, I remember looking in the mirror in my Toronto bathroom and thinking, “Yeah, I’m a lesbian.” At the time, I thought it was a dirty word. Thinking back, it could be because the first time I heard it was when a family member said, “I don’t know what a lesbian is, they are like aliens.”
And although I walked around in camouflage Crocs with a rainbow My Little Pony charm, plaid knee-length shorts and a shark tooth necklace (yes, these are all, in my opinion, stereotypically lesbian apparel!), I didn’t feel like I fit the mold. The longer I thought about it, the worse I felt, so I buried my feelings deep inside.
Now I am 25, and I have been out since I was 22. Three years ago, I never could have imagined that I’d be working for a queer news publication and celebrating Lesbian Visibility Week, an annual event meant to honor and uplift lesbian perspectives and highlight the hardships our community faces. To me, LVW is so important because, frankly, it has been an absolute shit show getting here, to a place where I feel love and joy most days.
I think back to the frustration of constantly being asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?” Of watching princess movies and seeing a broken girl only find herself when her prince charming arrives. I remember listening to music that was always about heterosexual relationships. I remember feeling left out in high school when, one by one, my friends got boyfriends.
I tried the boyfriend, and I tried really hard for it to work at a large detriment to my wellbeing. I brainwashed myself into thinking I was probably bisexual, which I told my closest friends around 16 and unsuccessfully told my parents at the same age. I was probably subconsciously using this as a litmus test of their acceptance and to soothe the anxiety I felt around my sexuality.
Learning to love who I am did not only come from me unraveling my internalized lesbophobia and dissecting the oppressive societal messages of heteronormativity. It came from meeting an awesome community of lesbians and queers. I found people who understood my worldview and who showed me the ropes. I no longer had to stutter over concepts like lesbian loneliness or my frustration with misogynistic straight men.
They all just got it.
Without this community, I am not sure if I could be as warm and confident in myself as I am today.
And while I still experience homophobia, like being spat on while walking with an ex in downtown Toronto or having a stranger yell in my face “Are you fucking lesbians?” in Kensington Market, the joy and love still outweighs the nasty.
So, as the sentimental dyke that I have become, I decided to ask a set of lesbians in my orbit — including my friends as well as Uncloseted staffers, board members and followers — if they would share a little bit about what makes them love being a lesbian. And now, I can share it with all of you. Here they are. Happy LVW!
Timi Sotire
Falling in love with her was a reset. I felt like a kid again, hopeful about the future. We’ve had to overcome many obstacles to be together, but I’d choose her in every lifetime. I was sick with a long-term health condition when we met, and hanging out with Sophia really helped me with my recovery after my surgery.
Bella Sayegh
Being a lesbian is one of the most beautiful things in the world. To be authentically yourself in resistance and joy is so special within the lesbian community.
Parker Wales
When I met Liv, I finally understood why almost every song is about love.
Gillian Kilgour
There is no connection quite as perfect as between lesbians, no one sees me like my lesbians do.
Chyna Price
There’s many things I love about being a lesbian. But here are my top three:
- There’s just a deeper understanding when it comes to being loved by another woman.
- The next one would be the sense of community, especially being a POC masculine-presenting lesbian. I don’t feel like I’m cosplaying as someone else like I felt like I was doing before I came out.
- There’s so much history going back to the 1800s on how we found and fought for our love. That fight makes me proud because it shows me … that we’ve [found] ways to express our love even when it was misunderstood, illegal and deemed as madness.
Hope Pisoni
Before I knew I was a lesbian, romantic relationships seemed suffocating — it felt like everyone would expect me to act my part in the meticulous performance that is heterosexuality. But meeting my spouse and discovering our identities together showed me just how freeing it could be to love without a script to follow.
Leital Molad
It was the joy of watching the New York Sirens defeat the Toronto Sceptres at our first professional women’s hockey game — surrounded by hundreds (maybe thousands?) of cheering lesbians.
Angela Earl
I spent years building a life that looked right. But I never felt settled, and eventually I started asking what would actually make me happy. Coming out was about more than who I love, it was letting go of everything I was told to be. The last few years have felt like coming home to a life that had been waiting for me.
Tali Bray
What I love about being a lesbian is what I love about being in love … the wonder and joy of “oh, this is what it’s supposed to feel like.” I love moving through the world with women.
Izzy Stokes
I didn’t fall in love until I realized that queerness was an option. My queer friends have helped me see so much more than I grew up seeing. I’m so proud of us, and I’m so grateful for my lesbian community.
Nandika Chatterjee
When I met my fiancée is when I started to feel most like myself. That meant loving myself for who I am and embracing my identity as a lesbian. I felt free in a way I have never before. That’s the long and short of it.
Liz Lucking
The love and joy of being a lesbian is getting to live the life I dreamed of but never thought I would get to have!
Reflections
As I read these beautiful entries, it’s not lost on me that we’re still living in a world where lesbians are more likely to struggle with maternity problems, fetishization, and compulsory heterosexuality — not to mention the intersectional pressures of racism from both inside and outside the queer community. That’s part of why, according to a 2024 survey, 22 percent of LGBTQ women have attempted suicide, and 66 percent have sought treatment for trauma.
So if you are a lesbian who isn’t out or doesn’t feel safe, I hope you read this and can glean some hope from these messages. So when you look in the mirror, you know that it’s okay to release the weight — which can feel so heavy — of a heteronormative world.
We still have a long fight until all lesbians can feel safe to be themselves, but this is a community that does not back away from the tough, from the joy, from being loud and from all the other things that it takes to start a small revolution.
Hell yeah, lesbians! Here’s to you.
*I am signing off with my cat on my lap and a pride flag over my head <3.
Cuba
Trans parent charged with kidnapping, allegedly fled to Cuba with child
Cuban authorities helped locate Rose Inessa-Ethington
Federal authorities have charged a transgender woman with kidnapping after she allegedly fled to Cuba with her 10-year-old child.
An affidavit that Federal Bureau of Investigation Special Agent Jennifer Waterfield filed in U.S. District Court for the District of Utah on April 16 notes the child is a “biological male who identifies as a female” and “splits time living with divorced parents who share custody” in Cache County, Utah.
Waterfield notes the child on March 28 “was supposed to be traveling by car to” Calgary, Alberta, “for a planned camping trip with his transgender mother, Rose Inessa-Ethington, Rose’s partner, Blue Inessa-Ethington, and Blue’s 3-year-old child.”
The affidavit notes the group instead flew from Vancouver, British Columbia, to Mexico City on March 29. Waterfield writes the Inessa-Ethingtons and the two children then flew from Mérida, Mexico, to Havana on April 1.
The 10-year-old child called her biological mother on March 28 after they arrived in Canada. The custody agreement, according to the affidavit, required Rose Inessa-Ethington to return the child to her former spouse on April 3.
“Interviews of MV [Minor Victim] 1’s family members provided significant concerns for MV 1’s well-being, as MV 1 was born a male, however, identifies as a female child, which is largely believed to be due to manipulation by Rose Inessa-Ethington,” reads the affidavit. “Concerns exist that MV 1 was transported to Cuba for gender reassignment surgery prior to puberty.”
The affidavit indicates authorities found a note in the Inessa-Ethingtons’ home with “instruction from a mental health therapist located in Washington, D.C., including instruction to send the therapist the $10,000.00 and instructions on gender-affirming medical care for children.”
The affidavit does not identify the specific “mental health therapist” in D.C.
A Utah judge on April 13 ordered Rose Inessa-Ethington to “immediately” return the child to her former spouse. The former spouse also received sole custody.
“Your affiant believes that due to the extensive planning and preparation exhibited by both Rose Inessa-Ethington and Blue Inessa-Ethington to isolate MV 1 and take MV 1 to Havana, Cuba, without notifying or requesting permission from MV 1’s mother indicates they are likely not planning to return to the United States,” wrote Waterfield.
The affidavit notes Cuban authorities found the Inessa-Ethingtons and the child.
A press release the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the District of Utah issued notes the Inessa-Ethingtons “were deported from Cuba” on Monday “with the assistance of the FBI.”
The couple has been charged with International Parental Kidnapping. The Inessa-Ethingtons were arraigned in Richmond, Va., on Monday. The press release notes a federal court in Salt Lake City will soon handle the case.
The New York Times reported the child is now back with their biological mother.
“We are grateful to law enforcement for working swiftly to return the child to the biological mother,” said First Assistant U.S. Attorney Melissa Holyoak of the District of Utah in the press release.
The case is unfolding against the backdrop of increased tensions between Washington and Havana after U.S. forces on Jan. 3 seized now former Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro and his wife, Cilia Flores.
President Donald Trump shortly after he took office in January 2025 issued an executive order that directed the federal government to only recognize two genders: male and female. A second White House directive banned federally-funded gender-affirming care for anyone under 19.
The U.S. Supreme Court last year in the Skrmetti decision upheld a Tennessee law that bans gender-affirming care for minors.
Cuba’s national health care system has offered free sex-reassignment surgeries since 2008.
Activists who are critical of Mariela Castro, the daughter of former President Raúl Castro who spearheads LGBTQ issues as director of Cuba’s National Center for Sexual Education, have previously told the Washington Blade that access to these procedures is limited. The Blade on Wednesday asked a contact in Havana to clarify whether Cuban law currently allows minors to undergo sex-reassignment surgery.
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