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Gay wedding etiquette 101

Same-sex nuptials bring questions from all sides

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gay wedding, gay news, Washington Bladegay wedding, gay news, Washington Blade
gay wedding, gay news, Washington Blade

Steven Petrow says gay and lesbian couples tend to be surprisingly heteronormative in their wedding choices, perhaps, he guesses, because they were shut out for so long. (Photo courtesy the Hilton)

In the “Key & Peele” comedy sketch “Gay Wedding Advice,” a family gathers  to learn the proper etiquette behind attending a gay wedding for their cousin. The family’s pressing questions include, “When do we sing ‘Over the Rainbow?,’” “Where do you get the Euros to buy gay gifts?” and whether to throw skittles instead of rice.

The skit is based on etiquette guru Steven Petrow’s gay wedding advice and he says although the content is for laughs, it’s not far off from the questions straight people ask him about same-sex ceremonies.

“There’s often this free-flowing anxiety, even amongst those who are supportive of same-sex marriage. Things that I’ve heard are people wondering whether if it will be like a gay Pride parade or festival, wild and crazy,” Petrow says. “I tell them, ‘No, I’ve actually never seen a ceremony like that.’ Although once and awhile I do hear about performers in drag as part of the reception. But like any other marriage, it’s a sacred ceremony.”

Petrow, known as “Mr. Manners,” is no stranger to laying down the etiquette law. He’s the author of “The Essential Book of Gay Manners & Etiquette,” “The New Gay Wedding: A Practical Primer for Brides and Grooms, Their Families and Guests” and “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners: The Definitive Guide to LGBT Life,” among others. He also writes “Civilities,” a Washington Post column about LGBT and straight etiquette and is the Hilton’s Modern Manners Expert.

His etiquette career came about when a mutual friend set him up on a blind date with the late writer and former HarperCollins editor David Rakoff. The pair had both battled cancer and had an interest in collecting old etiquette books and vintage cooking books respectively. The first date went “terrible,” Petrow says but Rakoff ended up sending Petrow a book contract for his first book.

Now Petrow, who married his husband Jim Bean in 2013, gives gay etiquette advice in his books and column. He’s often asked if there is really a difference in etiquette for same-sex couples and straight couples.

“The rules are the same. But we had been basically shut out of every mainstream wedding planning book and etiquette book for decades until my book came around,” Petrow says. “Couples often had been together for many years if not decades. When marriage became legal in their state they kind of jumped at the chance and got married.”

Because it started happening relatively quickly, there were no rituals or tradition established, he says.

“Now there’s a whole new generation approaching their weddings. They’re much more along the traditional. They’re heteronormative. They’re following the example of getting engaged, having long engagement periods, bachelor and bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners and showers and all of that.”

Same-sex marriage legalization has even shifted the proposal process. Even with decades of feminism and more gender equality, with opposite-sex couples, men still do most of the proposing, Petrow says. There’s no such precedent for same-sex couples.

“For earlier couples, those who got engaged before last year, I think it was kind of a mutual decision. ‘We’ve been together for 10 years and we’re doing the dishes and now same-sex marriage is legal so while doing the dishes, ‘Well honey, do you want to get married?’ ‘Sure, let’s do it.’ It wasn’t really romantic necessarily. These days there is much more traditional asking.”

The etiquette guru says although a ring is often involved, it isn’t always the case. Gay men frequently like to exchange watches for what Petrow calls “the timeless element a watch represents.” Those who do exchange rings opt to take the rings off before the ceremony or switch the ring from the right hand to the left hand to signify the marriage.

Gender-neutral wedding registries are something same-sex couples now can take advantage of much easier than before. Petrow says in the past a same-sex couple would have to choose who to be the bride and groom for certain items. Now, many vendors have listed items with gender-neutral language such as “Spouse One” and “Spouse Two.” Places like Macy’s and Target offer LGBT wedding registry for couples. The Hilton also recently launched a new LGBT wedding registry to recognize same-sex couples.

When it comes to the actual wedding, Petrow has some advice for guests eager to capture the moment.

“I think all too many guests are bringing their cell phones and tablets to ceremonies and disrupting things, taking pictures, tweeting or being on Instagram before the brides and the grooms have posted anything of their own. I’ve seen people step into the aisle and block a bride that way. My advice to those folks is to ask before you take pictures. Remember you are not the center of attention at the ceremony, that’s the brides and the grooms,” Petrow says.

However, technology can put a fun spin on a ceremony. Petrow says putting a GoPro in the wedding bouquet to see the ceremony from a new angle can be intriguing. Drone photography is also a popular choice to catch an aerial shot of the reception, but Petrow urges couples to disclose using it to guests for the sake of guests’ privacy.

During the reception, the cake can be the most exciting part for foodies and lovers of cake decorations. Petrow says he still sees the traditional two grooms or two brides on top of a cake, but he has noticed the couple’s initials on top of the cake just as often. For a futuristic spin, 3D technology can be used to place photos of the couple on top of the cake.

Once married, the terms used to refer to spouses is varied and Petrow urges anyone unsure to simply ask the couple how they refer to one another.

“The default shifted very quickly last summer from partners to husbands and husbands and wives and wives. Those are the terms that have been prominently associated with married couples for generations and centuries. I have seen that there is great pleasure and a statement made when using language like that.”

He says when in doubt, it’s safe to default to “husbands” and “wives” as the case may be.

“For heterosexuals who don’t know its always fine to ask how they like to refer to each other. Not that anyone has to use that. Some couples still do prefer partner. Some older generational folks are much more used to that kind of language and are not comfortable saying husband or wife,” Petrow says.

While there are some nuances, Petrow thinks the most important part of planning a wedding is staying true to yourself.

“This is a time when weddings are all about me/me or the plural you. They’re customized and same-sex couples seem to have really led the way in making sure their ceremonies reflect who they are. Do something that reflects you and your values.”

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Real Estate

How to navigate shifting tenant expectations

Remote work driving many changes

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D.C., is one of the top 10 U.S. cities where remote work is most popular. (Photo by dolgachov/Bigstock)

Are you prepared to meet the changing expectations of tenants? Tenant priorities are continuously shifting. As professional property managers, my team has witnessed firsthand the evolving demands of tenants over the last few years. 

Frankly, today’s D.C. residents have high standards. Many have shifted to remote work, and they are placing a growing emphasis on sustainability. And these expectations are poised to evolve even further, with factors like affordability, technology integration, and community-driven amenities taking center stage.

Understanding these changes and adapting your rental to meet the growing demands of tenants and their evolving preferences will not only help you attract high-quality residents but also settle into long-term success in a competitive market. Let’s look at key tenant trends for 2026  in Washington, D.C. by providing practical strategies that help owners and investors navigate this shifting landscape, ensuring your property remains desirable and profitable in an increasingly growing rental market. 

According to Buildium’s 2025 Industry Report, tenant retention is rising, and that’s due to a number of factors. It’s expensive to move, so if residents are enjoying a peaceful and pleasant rental experience and they appreciate where they live, it’s unlikely they will spend more money to live somewhere else. 

The “2026 State of the Property Management Industry Report” also noted the rise of “Resident Benefit Packages,” which has contributed to retaining good residents. When landlords and property managers offer benefits such as protection against late payment fees, online conveniences, credit monitoring, air filter drop shipments, preventative maintenance services, and even concierge amenities, they increase tenant satisfaction and retention.

By investing in resident benefits, you can increase the likelihood of keeping your tenants satisfied. They’re more likely to renew their lease agreements and contribute to the care and upkeep of their home.

Provide smart home tech  

According to data gathered by Nasdaq, Washington, D.C., is one of the top 10 U.S. cities where remote work is most popular, with more than one-third of the population working from home at least part of the time. Even with the federal government calling many people back into the office over the last year, remote work continues to be normalized. Tenants are working and studying from home, and they need their home to support that lifestyle shift.

They’re looking for technology, and that factor provides you the opportunity for you to attract remote workers as residents. While smart home technology was once a fairly niche amenity, it’s now becoming the standard. It’s an expectation of most tenants in Washington, D.C., that at the very least they’ll be able to:

  • Connect to fast Wi-Fi at their home
  • Enjoy online rental payment platforms that are secure and convenient.
  • Make routine maintenance requests through resident portals

It was also recommended considering installing keyless entry systems, offering upgraded security such as video doorbells, investing in smart thermostats, and making it as easy as possible for tenants to integrate their own digital platforms and apps into their home life, whether that’s Alexa or Siri or their own personal AI-driven digital assistant. 

Community-Driven Amenities in Washington, D.C., Rentals

Are you renting out units in a multi-family building or an apartment? Washington, D.C., tenants are focused on community and social connection, and so the demand for community-driven amenities is on the rise. 

In 2026, renters are looking beyond traditional features like gyms or pools, seeking spaces that allow for interaction, well-being, and a sense of belonging. Co-working spaces, communal kitchens, and rooftop gardens are now more popular in buildings that are working to attract tenants who prioritize shared experiences. A recent report from Ronco Construction reports that these are the emerging trends in multi-family housing amenities:

  • Rooftop decks
  • Outdoor lounges
  • Community gardens
  • Fitness studios
  • Dog parks and pet spas
  • Co-working space

Know your tenant pool

If you rent out single-family homes, you’re dealing with tenants who prefer privacy and space. In those multi-family buildings and condo communities, however, tenants are likely looking for opportunities to connect with their neighbors and make friends. We have seen tenants drawn to properties that offer event programming, such as fitness classes, happy hours, or cultural gatherings, helping create a sense of community in a neighborhood atmosphere. 

As an owner, investing in these types of amenities can increase tenant satisfaction, encourage long-term leases, and set your property apart in a competitive market where residents crave more than just a place to live, but also a place to connect.

‘Green Renting’ in D.C. 

Tenants want to save money on energy and utilities. Most of them would also rather do whatever they can to be more conscious of their effect on the planet. The city of Washington, D.C., actively encourages this. According to Building Innovation Hub, Washington, D.C., wants to cut greenhouse gas emissions in half by 2032. More efficient building standards and energy incentives are making that possible. 

Rental property owners can meet tenant expectations around sustainable living and environmental-friendly features by providing LED lighting, energy-efficient appliances, low-flow plumbing fixtures, and modern programs for managing waste and recycling. 

Every tenant in Washington, D.C., is different of course, but there are common expectations that come with residents when they’re looking for a new home. Those highlighted here are even more important to tenants in 2026. 

Find out how to make your Washington, D.C., rental property more competitive on the market. Engage a professional property manager for the advice you need.


Scott Bloom is owner and senior property manager of Columbia Property Management. 

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Real Estate

Surviving spring cleaning

Create a space that feels comfortable, welcoming, and easy to maintain

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It’s that time of year: spring cleaning!

Whether or not you are getting ready to sell your home, spring is finally upon us — you know, the time of year when you can open the windows to a warm breeze and commit to decluttering and thoroughly cleaning your home.

While decluttering, you will be faced with the challenge of what to keep and what to discard. Mysterious items may appear: the missing charger, the set of keys that open nothing, or, with any luck, that one important document you know you put “in a safe place.” The journey often turns into an archaeological dig through the layers of your daily life. Along the way, you will likely encounter objects that have been misplaced or are no longer needed, and you’ll wonder why you kept them in the first place.

The kitchen junk drawer, for example, is a universal catch-all that defies categorization. You might open it looking for a rubber band and instead discover a lone screw of unknown origin, a tube of hardened Super Glue, and at least four pens that no longer work.

Closets offer another layer of surprises, where you can find things that don’t seem to belong at all: cash in a coat pocket, a single glove, a book you meant to read, or a box filled with cables for devices you no longer own.

It’s guaranteed that if you only have one of a pair of something, its mate will appear shortly after you have thrown away the one you had. And, if you were intentionally searching for an item, it will turn up in the last place you look, simply because once you found it, you stopped looking.

Linen closets and bathroom cabinets can also harbor oddities. Now is the time to discard half-used or duplicate products you don’t remember buying, travel-sized toiletries from trips long past, or expired medications.

Under furniture is where things get truly mysterious. Reaching beneath a couch or bed in search of a dropped item often yields a collection of the unexpected: assorted coins, dust-covered pet toys, a missing sock, and perhaps something that makes you pause, like a long-lost piece of jewelry or an object you were convinced had disappeared forever.

Organizing garages and basements takes the experience to another level, where consolidating tools or seasonal decorations stored there can quickly turn into an encounter with objects that defy explanation. Why is there a box of tiles from a renovation that happened a decade ago? Do you really need the instruction manuals for appliances you no longer own? What could possibly be in the box that hasn’t been opened since you moved in?

Even searches within a home office – looking through files, drawers of old electronics, or stacks of paperwork—can yield similarly strange results. I recently found several flash drives with client files from 2014, a cache of notebooks containing names and phone numbers of prospects who left the area 15 years ago, and Turbo Tax installation CDs from as far back as 1997. 

If decluttering hasn’t defeated you, then thoroughly cleaning your house may not be as overwhelming as you might think. Breaking it into manageable steps makes the process far simpler and even satisfying. A consistent method is the key to success.

Before you reach for cleaning supplies, take one last walk through each room and gather items that belong elsewhere for return to their proper place. Put away clothing and take out trash. This step instantly makes your home look better and clears the way for more effective cleaning. Working from top to bottom, dust ceiling fans, light fixtures, shelves, and blinds first so that any debris falls to the floor for addressing later. Use a microfiber cloth or handheld Swiffer to trap dust rather than spreading it around. Don’t forget overlooked areas like the tops of door frames, windowsills, and baseboards.

Move on to surfaces. Wipe down countertops and furniture with appropriate cleaners. Squeegee windows to let the sun shine in. Pay special attention to kitchen appliances. Stovetops, microwaves, and refrigerator handles tend to collect grime quickly, as do the tops of upper cabinets. In bathrooms, disinfect sinks, toilets, tubs, and showers. 

Lastly, vacuum carpets, rugs, draperies, and upholstered surfaces thoroughly, including along edges and under furniture where dust accumulates. For hard floors, sweep first, then mop using a cleaner suitable for the surface type. This final step pulls the whole cleaning effort together and leaves your home feeling and smelling fresh.

Ultimately, cleaning your house doesn’t have to be a daunting chore. With a clear plan and a little consistency, you can create a space that feels comfortable, welcoming, and easy to maintain – at least until this time next year.


Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her at [email protected] or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.

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Autos

Small is beautiful: subcompact SUVs

Practical, dependable, and no longer dull

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Chevrolet Trax

Large SUVs are fine for long-distance travel. But in the city? Not so much.

That’s where subcompacts come in. They fit anywhere. Yet they often remind me of sensible shoes: practical, dependable and kinda dull. 

Now, though, more and more small crossovers are starting to channel their inner Christian Louboutin. Stylish. Sassy. And with some swagger to make things interesting.

CHEVROLET TRAX

$22,000

MPG: 28 city/32 highway

0 to 60 mph: 9.1 seconds

Cargo space: 54.1 cu. ft.

PROS: Affordable. Updated. Roomier than expected.

CONS: So-so acceleration. No all-wheel drive. Some road noise.

The Chevrolet Trax has undergone a stunning redo. Longer. Lower. Sharper. And more muscular — especially in sporty trims like the RS, which adds darker accents and a bit of attitude.

It’s like watching an understudy get a breakout moment. 

Under the hood sits a three-cylinder turbo. No, that’s not NASCAR material, but it’s perfectly adequate for daily life. Around town, the Trax felt light, easy to maneuver and surprisingly smooth. While I wasn’t going to be chasing lap times like Brad Pitt in “F1,” this pint-sized SUV kept up with traffic comfortably.

Another plus: Chevy re-tuned the suspension. Rough pavement softens. Long drives are relaxed.

Inside, the dashboard is more upscale than the price tag suggests. A large infotainment display dominates the center stack, and wireless smartphone connectivity is standard. Rear passenger room is generous thanks to the longer wheelbase, and cargo space is decent. 

Inexpensive, yes. And now stylish enough to earn an ovation.

MAZDA CX-30

$26,000

MPG: 24 city/31 highway

0 to 60 mph: 8.0 seconds

Cargo space: 45.2 cu. ft.

PROS: Sexy exterior. Chic cabin. Sporty handling.

CONS: Limited rear visibility. Smallish cargo area.    

Mazda has mastered the art of making affordable cars feel expensive, and the CX-30 might be its best performance yet. Sculpted curves. Dramatic fenders. Rich paint colors that shimmer under sunlight. Park this crossover next to competitors and it looks like it wandered in from a more upscale showroom.

The base four-cylinder engine is lively enough. But the real fun starts with the optional turbo. Press the throttle and the CX-30 surges forward with gusto, whipping you from 0 to 60 mph in as little as 5.9 seconds. Suddenly, merging onto the highway feels less like commuting and more like making an entrance worthy of Lady Gaga.

Handling also shines, with sharp steering, minimal body roll and controlled cornering. To me, the CX-30 is one of the few small rides that genuinely rewards enthusiastic driving.

Inside, the cabin feels premium. Soft-touch materials, elegant stitching and a minimalist dashboard create a refined atmosphere. 

There are tradeoffs. Backseat legroom is tighter than some rivals, and outward visibility can feel limited due to the thick roof pillars.

But if you enjoy driving — really enjoy it — the CX-30 stands apart. 

VOLVO XC40

$40,000

MPG: 23 city/30 highway

0 to 60 mph: 8.1 seconds

Cargo space: 57.5 cu. ft.

PROS: Euro styling. High-quality materials. Top safety gear.

CONS: Bit jarring over potholes. Average fuel economy. 

For a more sophisticated look, there’s the Volvo XC40. Crisp lines. Upright stance. Signature “Thor’s hammer” LED headlights that give the front-end an unmistakable presence.

Under the hood, the XC40 pairs a four-cylinder turbo with standard all-wheel drive. While the XC 40 won’t outrun a true sports car, it moves with purpose. Think quiet confidence — like Jodie Foster in practically all her movies. 

The ride balances comfort and composure nicely. Firm enough for zigzagging through congested traffic, but smooth enough to endure long highway drives.

Inside, the cabin is modern, airy and beautifully assembled. Volvo uses soft textiles, brushed metal and minimalist trim pieces to create an upscale aura. The vertically oriented touchscreen integrates Google apps, like Maps and Assistant. Once you get used to it, the system feels intuitive and tech-forward.

Volvo also excels at clever practicality. Door pockets are enormous. There’s even a removable trash bin in the center console.

While the XC40 may cost more than its mainstream rivals, it offers something they can’t quite replicate. Effortless cool.

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