Local
‘I’m not going to cry about this’
Friends rally for Va. couple saving for prosthesis after cancer claims woman’s leg
Zunaira Khalid (left) and her partner Ebony Bates in their basement apartment in Khalid's parents' house in Chantilly, Va. The couple says they're lucky most of the medical expenses from the June cancer surgery that claimed Khalid's leg were covered by insurance but only a small percentage will be covered for the prosthetic leg Khalid needs. (Washington Blade photo by Joey DiGuglielmo)
Zunaira Khalid benefit
Thursday at Policy
6:30 to 10 p.m.
Go here to make a donation.
Things were going pretty well for Zunaira Khalid and Ebony Bates in December. They’d had rough spots large and small throughout their nine-year relationship such as years of separation while Bates went to college in her native Pennsylvania, some occasional minor clashes that are inevitable in cross-cultural romances and all the usual pings and pangs that come and go as young people figure out what they want and don’t want from life.
But by the end of last year Khalid, a 35-year-old aspiring doctor and native Pakistani Muslim who’s been in the U.S. since age 12, and Bates, a 29-year-old Washington, Pa., native, realized their lives were beginning to jell. In October Bates landed what she calls her “dream job” with a government agency. She declines to say which because she says it’s not terribly gay friendly.
And after years of dabbling in various fields, Khalid, who’d drifted after finishing medical school questioning if she really wanted to be a doctor, decided medicine was her calling and she was in the uphill battle of getting back into the rigors of a residency program. Since 2005, the couple has lived in the basement of Khalid’s parents’ sprawling Chantilly, Va., home.
The two had been without health insurance for years. Bates was in school most of the ’00s doing undergrad and graduate work and Khalid had been unemployed for years studying to pass an exam to get back into medicine. The two had met in 2001 working together at Dulles Airport.
By December, Bates had coverage through her job. It took some arm twisting, but she convinced Khalid they needed to buy her some too, just in case. They found a decent plan for a little more than $100 per month through Aetna Health Insurance, an extraordinarily fortuitous decision on Bates’ part that saved the couple from financial ruin when Khalid got sick in February with an aggressive form of cancer that resulted in her leg having to be amputated in June.
“We were to the point where we’d been committed for several years,” Khalid says. “It’s almost impossible to have any sort of relationship recognition in Virginia, so that was never really discussed, but after D.C. passed marriage in December and then Ebony got a job she was like, ‘Look, we have a little money now, let’s get you a health plan. I didn’t think it was big deal. I don’t really get the flu or anything acute very often. I was like, ‘I’m fine, I don’t need it,’ but she was really adamant.”
To Khalid, she and Bates both burdened with considerable student loan debt, it seemed like one more expense. But she acquiesced and had an exam in December and got a clean bill of health.
The first signs of the cancer came innocuously in February. Khalid noticed her jeans felt tight around her left leg and took a bit of effort to get on. When it persisted, she had it looked at and was diagnosed with a pulled muscle. Just give it time to heal on its own, doctors told her. When it didn’t, she returned and an ultrasound found a cyst growing behind her knee. A biopsy revealed the mass was an aggressive sarcoma that was spreading fast. The situation quickly grew dire. It had grown from the size of a golf ball when an initial ultrasound was done to the size of a baseball a month later when an MRI was performed on Feb. 27.
Doctors told Khalid and Bates they were going to do everything they could to save her life and save her leg. It quickly became clear how potentially serious the diagnosis was.
“I remember when they said they were going to try to save her life first but we can’t guarantee that, that was really jarring for me,” Bates says. “Here they were talking about the possibility of death and if we were lucky she would make it through. It was just a lot of bad news at once.”
Bates, under pressure at her new job and in a probationary period where she knew she had to perform at her best, decided she needed to come out to her boss and explain the situation in case the stress started showing up in her performance. She was only able to miss a few days of work throughout Khalid’s illness, a point that irks the couple who marvel at the provisions that would be available if they were a married, opposite-sex couple.
But the couple opted to focus on the positive — most glaringly that Bates had the foresight to insist on an insurance plan for Khalid.
The first treatment step was two debilitating rounds of chemo, which destroyed Khalid’s immune system and put her in the hospital at Washington Hospital Center in D.C.’s Pleasant Plains neighborhood for weeks at a time. The chemo took such a toll — Khalid’s doctor told her he’d never seen anybody react so aversely to it — that a third round would have been too much for her body to handle. It was also unsuccessful at shrinking the mass to a degree doctors felt was acceptable.
There were essentially three problems with the growth — it had grown around a nerve meaning removing the mass would likely have resulted in Khalid having no control of her leg. Secondly it was so close to the bone, operating would be difficult and would have required, thirdly, a new route for blood supply to the leg, another iffy proposition considering the mass’s location. Amputation became the only safe option.
“I just realized very quickly that was the best decision I could make,” Khalid says. “I’d kind of prepared myself for it emotionally when they first told me it was a possibility. That first weekend, Eb had to be in Pennsylvania for work and I decided to go with her. It was the best thing. She was busy with work stuff but I just shopped, hung out at the hotel and really had time to make my peace with it.”
Bates soldiered on at work and says a strong relationship with Khalid’s parents — she says they treat her as if she, too, were their daughter — helped tremendously.
“Anytime I thought about how hard it was to juggle this with work, I just realized how much easier I had it compared to what she was going through,” Bates says.
Khalid is doing well now. She gets around on a pair of crutches cushioned with zebra-patterned covers. She was up and walking with a walker the day after her surgery. And she can still drive since she only needs to use her right leg.
The pain, though, has been excruciating at times. Muscle in her leg was essentially “wrapped” around hollow bone resulting in cookie-cutter like pressure from the bone’s edges. Khalid also experiences “phantom” pain where it feels as if her leg is still there, causing both pain and itching sensations.
“Basically the nerves have been cut but up here,” she says, pointing to her head, “it thinks everything is normal. So the nerves are freaking out and they don’t know what happened.”
She’s also stumbled several times as she attempts to get around.
The couple’s biggest challenge now is affording a massively expensive prosthetic leg for Khalid. The Aetna plan they chose has been great at kicking in thousands of dollars toward her chemo and surgery expenses but comes up far short on the cost of the prosthesis. The couple says it will cover only about $2,000 of the estimated $40,000 to $45,000 cost.
Friends are rallying. D.C. lesbian event promoter Ebone Bell has set up a website seeking contributions. Another lesbian friend, Darcy O’Callaghan, is planning an event Thursday at Policy for the couple. Donations are being accepted here.
Khalid says she’s keeping the stiff upper lip she’s maintained all along.
“I just decided up front I’m not going to cry about this,” she says. “I refuse to cry and give into this. If I have cried, it hasn’t been because of this stupid cancer, but because I’ve been touched by the things people have done for me.”
District of Columbia
JR.’s hosts meet & greet for mayoral candidate Janeese Lewis George
Event organized by Capital Stonewall Democrats, Queers for Janeese
D.C. mayoral candidate Janeese Lewis George spoke to a crowd of LGBTQ supporters on June 1 at a meet & greet event held at JR.’s on 17th Street in the Dupont Circle neighborhood.
The event, organized by Capital Stonewall Democrats, which has endorsed Lewis George for mayor, with support from a group called Queers for Janeese, was followed by a “get out the vote” canvassing endeavor in which several of those attending the meet & greet visited the homes of nearby residents known to be Lewis George supporters.
The purpose of the canvassing was to remind Lewis George supporters to return their mail-in ballots or go to the polls on June 16 to elect Lewis George as the city’s next mayor, according to Matthew Kavanagh, one of the leaders of Queers for Janeese who attended the meet & greet event at JR.’s.
Local political observers consider Lewis George, a Ward 4 D.C. Council member, and former At-Large D.C. Council member Kenyan McDuffie, to be the two leading candidates in this year’s race for mayor. The two are among seven mayoral candidates competing in the city’s June 16 Democratic primary.
Lewis George told those attending the meet & greet, which was held on the JR.’s outdoor patio, that she has a long record of advocating for and initiating city polices and laws in support of the LGBTQ community. She said large corporate donors were backing her opponents and urged her LGBTQ supporters to help raise funds for her in the remaining days of the campaign.
Among those attending the meet & greet was gay longtime Dupont Circle civic activist Randy Downs who last November opened a nearby eatery called Protest Pizza. “I am queer and I am a Janeese supporter,” Downs told the Blade.
Stevie McCarty, president of Capital Stonewall Democrats, who also spoke at the meet & greet event, said his group would organize events in support of Lewis George in the remaining days of the campaign. Among them, he said, was an LGBTQ bar crawl in which supporters of Lewis George, including the candidate herself, would visit LGBTQ bars to promote her candidacy.
Virginians for Marriage Equality on Monday launched a campaign in support of repealing Virginia’s constitutional amendment that defines marriage as between a man and a woman.
Equality Virginia Executive Director Narissa Rahaman, former state Sen. Adam Ebbin, former state Del. Mark Sickles, and American Civil Liberties Union of Virginia Executive Director Mary Bauer are among those who spoke at the launch that took place in Richmond. State Del. Kirk McPike (D-Alexandria), who co-chairs the campaign, also participated.
“This amendment is about making clear that the government has no business deciding which marriages or which families are worthy of recognition,” said Bauer. “The ACLU of Virginia has been fighting for Virginians’ right to marry who they love since the landmark case, Loving v. Virginia, which struck down the ban on interracial marriage. Now we are proud to carry that legacy forward by standing with our coalition partners in the fight to pass this amendment and finally enshrine the right to marriage equality in the commonwealth’s constitution.”
Voters in 2006 approved the Marshall-Newman Amendment.
Same-sex couples have been able to legally marry in Virginia since 2014. Former Gov. Glenn Youngkin, who is a Republican, in 2024 signed a bill that codified marriage equality in state law.
Two successive legislatures must approve a proposed constitutional amendment before it can go to the ballot.
Democratic Gov. Abigail Spanberger in February signed a bill that finalized the referendum’s language.
The referendum will take place on Nov. 3.
Rehoboth Beach
CAMP Rehoboth’s new director shares plans for busy summer
Dr. Robin Brennan on joyful approach to leadership role
Dr. Robin Brennan, CAMP Rehoboth’s new executive director, has been getting adjusted to her role and connecting with the Rehoboth community.
In March of this year, Brennan took on the role of executive director of CAMP Rehoboth, an LGBTQ+ community center in Delaware working to Create A More Positive (CAMP) environment, following the retirement of Kim Leisey.
When asked about her first few months with CAMP, Brennan said that she’s “in the listening and learning phase.”
“The first few months have been overwhelmingly beautiful, with such warm wishes from so many really diverse groups,” said Brennan.
“The more time that I’ve been at CAMP, it’s almost like I have more questions and more admiration for the solid foundation that it has,” said Brennan. She explained that she is taking her time to listen and connect with the Rehoboth community during these crucial first months.
She spoke to the stressful nature of this work, saying, “This work takes a lot of resiliency, especially being in a front-facing position as executive director of an organization. There’s so much pressure on this to be successful.”
Brennan is no stranger to high-pressure work environments, having worked in the public health field during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Brennan earned a doctorate in public health from Drexel University and has spent nearly two decades working in higher education, which she says greatly influences her approach to her work.
“I am always giving back to and mentoring students, that’s always been a part of who I am,” said Brennan. She said that the adaptability and flexibility she practiced during her time as a professor influences her work, noting, “I think that to be flexible is a key to success.”
Aside from her tenure in academia, Brennan has worked for nonprofits, including with organizations such as Redeemer Health and Nemours Children’s Health.
Leslie Ledogar, president of CAMP’s board of directors, said that Brennan’s joyful approach to this work made her stand out in the search for a new executive director.
“I think that I’ve always naturally been positive and joyful because if I don’t, I will burn out,” said Brennan.
For Brennan, honoring CAMP’s legacy remains a top priority in her role at CAMP. “For me, legacy is so critical, so I want to honor the legacy that this foundation was built on.”
When asked about DEI funding cuts by the Trump administration, Brennan shared how she is navigating an administration that is targeting organizations like CAMP.
“This administration doesn’t open doors for opportunities. As a nimble nonprofit organization, we have always had to be creative,” said Brennan.
She said that she “would never want CAMP Rehoboth to rely on federal dollars, regardless of what type of political administration we’re in. I think relying on any kind of dollars or funding is problematic.”
“We need to stay creative and innovative, not chase money, and also our ears need to be listening to what our community needs,” said Brennan.
As younger members of the LGBTQ+ community grow disheartened by the growing attacks on queer rights, Brennan shared her thought process behind helping younger members of the community.
“I think my number one thing is to listen to them, to ensure that they know their voice is valuable. That’s the most important thing before giving advice is to listen to their concerns, their needs, their fears, their struggles,” said Brennan.
“They may not be your struggles, but ultimately, as a human being, they’re all of our struggles.”
Brennan brought up PRISM, CAMP’s social group for young LGBTQ+ adults to gather in community and experience new activities with likeminded young adults. This group offers a safe space where members can form connections with one another to build a sense of belonging.
Throughout the interview, Brennan reiterated her admiration for CAMP and the community it has brought to Rehoboth for decades.
“There is no place like CAMP Rehoboth, and what it has done for Rehoboth or what it has done for countless individuals who see it as an escape and a place of freedom, visibility, belonging, and hope,” said Brennan.
Born and raised in Philadelphia, Brennan said that she first visited Rehoboth in 1996 as a young gay person. “I felt at home. I could breathe,” said Brennan. She said that she has been a frequent visitor ever since and bought a house in town three years ago.
Brennan shared how happy she is to have her teenage daughter growing up with Rehoboth in her life. She said that her ideal day in Rehoboth involves going to the beach, trying new food, and enjoying time with her friends and family that live in the area.
As the summer season commences, Brennan shared that there is a plethora of upcoming events for members of the community to attend and enjoy.
Brennan highlighted the CAMP Women’s Golfing League, which is getting started on June 4 with tickets on sale now for CAMP Rehoboth members.
The CAMP Rehoboth Chorus is singing to honor the 250th anniversary of the U.S. on June 19 with tickets on sale now.
This year also marks the 35th anniversary of CAMP, which will be celebrated with Pride in the Courtyard on June 26.
Brennan was excited to promote CAMP’s new partnership with Beebe Healthcare starting this summer. The partnership is designed to expand access to patient-centered health services in downtown Rehoboth Beach.
“Relying on this partnership will be critical to the success of the health of our community,” said Brennan.
Brennan also talked about SUNFESTIVAL, which will be held during Labor Day weekend and will feature David Archuleta as the headliner.
Lastly, Brennan highlighted CAMP’s annual Block Party, which is held each October. “We shut down several streets, we have 100 vendors, and it’s a beautiful way for the whole community to come together to wrap up the summer,” said Brennan.
Results from key Tuesday primary races
AIDS Healthcare Foundation announces 3 million people globally in its care
10 HIV/AIDS activists arrested on Capitol Hill
JR.’s hosts meet & greet for mayoral candidate Janeese Lewis George
