Living

‘This is my family’

Partners of 39 years turn new page after surviving homelessness, alcoholism

Published

14 years ago

February 10, 2011

Terry Ward, 66, seated, and Bob Cyrus, 60, are celebrating this Valentine’s Day in a new home after an adventurous 39 years together. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Terry Ward, 66, and Bob Cyrus, 60, have been a couple for 39 years and like a comedy team from old-style vaudeville, each is a straight man to the other, setting each other up for one-liners, often in politically incorrect terms.

They nudge each other with constant ribbing, affectionately but sometimes there’s also a dab of vinegar with the sugar, as when Ward calls Cyrus “a whore,” even as they each tumble into well-practiced personality pratfalls.

Each can finish the other’s sentences and their patter can be hard to follow, unless you hear the inner nuance, which always seems to turn on being each other’s eternal best friend.

Until two weeks ago, they were homeless and living in a shelter. And for years they were hopelessly alcoholic, yet still they clung to each other for love and support.

One is largely deaf, the other is blind in one eye. They are real characters, scarred by life’s twists and turns yet they’re still able to find the fun in their life together even if they have to create it themselves. Ward, blind in his right eye since a stroke last year, says, “We’re never bored — he can’t hear and I’m blind and I’ll hide his hearing aid and he’ll hide my teeth.”

And on April 1 — yes, on April Fools, for they seem to delight in having fun with every part of life — they plan to be married. But that’s only if, says Ward, Cyrus will spring for an engagement ring.

They live in a rent-subsidized apartment in Washington obtained for them by a non-profit social service agency, the U.S. Veterans Initiative (USVI), when it was discovered one of them had been a veteran — Ward served two years in the U.S. Navy mostly on a destroyer in the Mediterranean — and they had been homeless, but had shaken off alcohol and now were ready to start their lives anew.

Speaking of Emily Button, who acts as their case worker in her capacity as the Initiative’s housing director, Ward says, “She’s more than a sweetheart, she’s a jewel.”

Button stepped in and pushed through all the paperwork to make sure in late January that Ward and Cyrus could move out of Clean and Sober, a shelter and alcohol rehabilitation center located at 2nd and E Streets, N.W., where Ward had been living for 22 months and Cyrus for 17 months, and into their own, neat-as-a-pin one-bedroom apartment where their lives are now all about starting over.

Ward can reminisce with a touch of sarcasm about how they met, in 1972, when Cyrus was only 21, and fresh out of Huntington, W.Va. He’d left there after finishing high school and came to Washington to take a clerk’s job in a city post office. Cyrus was already an alcoholic — he says he began to drink, mostly screwdrivers, as young as 13, at about the time he also realized he was gay. By 15 he knew he was hooked on booze because, he says, “It made me feel good.” By 21, he says the pattern was fixed in place — binge drinking followed by frequent blackouts and memory loss.

Ward remembers the rainy Friday night he met Cyrus. Ward was coming home from his job at the Market Inn restaurant. He stopped the cab he was in when he saw Cyrus incoherent and sprawled on his bicycle tilted into a gutter near 9th and Pennsylvania Avenue where water from a rainstorm was coursing all around him. Out of concern, Ward went to offer help, but Cyrus responded only to say, “Fuck you.”

“I was mean and nasty then,” Cyrus says. He admits he sometimes still is. Ward agrees: “He’s selfish because he was the only boy in the family.”

A year later they met again when both were working at the Channel Inn restaurant. They’d remembered their earlier meeting. Cyrus says they didn’t get along. Ward was out but says, “Cyrus wouldn’t admit for years that he was a homosexual,” even though he was having sex in West Virginia when he was 13.

Born in Portsmouth, Va., in 1944, Ward never saw his mother, because she “walked out of the hospital,” he says, the day he and his twin sister were born, and she never came back. Raised by an aunt he called mom he remembers being 8 and wearing his sister’s Brownie uniform to sell cookies door to door. He’d come home and be Jane in their childhood recreations of the “Tarzan” adventures they saw at the movies.

Sexually, the two always led different lives. They were sexually adventurous and are candid with tales from their glory days.

Somehow, though, the two stuck together through many ups and maybe many more downs. Despite their hedonism and alcohol abuse, they escaped HIV.

“Almost all our friends from then are dead now,” Cyrus says.

So what made it last?

“We’re the best of friends,” Ward says. “This is family and I love him. Can’t you love someone without sex? It’s probably why we’re still together because we don’t have sex. He does his thing and I do mine.”

The couple says they were never each other’s types sexually so they never consummated their relationship. It’s common, experts say, for long-term couples to no longer have sex after many years together but is it unusual for couples to have never had sex?

“I would kind of think so myself, but they may be affectionate in other ways,” says Michael Radkowsky, a local gay psychologist who counsels gay couples. He mentions singer Margaret Whiting who married gay porn star Jack Wrangler and had a non-sexual union.

“They just said they were great companions in every other way and wanted to spend their lives together,” Radkowsky says. “So it does happen and there’s no reason to pathologize it. If they’re happy, they’re happy and it works for them.”

As for their alcoholism, Ward had more control over the addiction, always able to keep a job, while Cyrus frequently would lose his. They hit bottom, respectively, especially when they fell on hard times after Ward sold his home and then gave the money to a son he’d fathered during a two-year marriage in the mid-‘60s. It became increasingly obvious that alcohol was a problem — they sometimes spent as much as $300 a week on liquor and bought it by the case.

Now Ward says, “I’m 66 and I’ve got a new life ahead of me,” saying that they have each dropped all their old drinking friends who typically would mostly spend their time together drinking.

“When you sober up, you learn to love yourself,” Ward says.

They continue to help each other. Cyrus, who was hearing impaired at birth and heard at “about 30 percent” now, relies on his partner’s ears. In addition to his vision problems, Ward uses a cane since a fall several years ago.

“Life itself, you just have to work at it,” Ward says. He looks over fondly at Cyrus and says, “At least with this one, I know what I’ve got, he’s my caretaker now – I’ve always been his caretaker, and now it’s my turn.”

“I love him from the bottom of my heart,” Ward says. “This is my family.”

Real Estate

Tips for buying a house in Rehoboth Beach

And why it’s a great fit for the LGBTQ community

Published

7 days ago

May 18, 2025

Justin Noble

Rehoboth Beach, Del. (Washington Blade photo by Daniel Truitt)

If you’ve ever dreamed of owning a charming beach house where flip-flops are considered formalwear and sunsets are your daily entertainment, Rehoboth Beach, Del., might just be your dream come true. It’s not just a beautiful coastal town—it’s also a long celebrated safe haven and vibrant hub for the LGBTQ community. Let’s dive into why Rehoboth Beach is a fabulous choice and how to make a savvy beach house purchase.

Why Rehoboth Is a Vibe (especially for the LGBTQ community)

1. A Welcoming, Inclusive Community

Rehoboth Beach has been lovingly nicknamed the “Nation’s Summer Capital,” and it’s not just because of its proximity to D.C. For decades, Rehoboth has built a reputation as a warm, inclusive, and LGBTQ-friendly destination. From gay-owned businesses to LGBTQ events and nightlife, this is a town where you can truly be yourself.

2. Packed Social Calendar

Poodle Beach, the LGBTQ beach hangout just south of the boardwalk, is always buzzing in the summer. Events like Rehoboth Beach Bear Weekend, Women’s FEST, and CAMP Rehoboth’s myriad of social and wellness events bring people together all year round. That’s right—you’ll never be bored here unless you want to be.

3. Small Town Charm Meets Big City Culture

You get art galleries, drag brunches, live theater, eclectic cuisine, and adorable boutiques—basically everything your soul craves—without the chaos and crowds of major cities. It’s quaint but never boring. Think: Key West vibes with a Delaware zip code.

Tips for Buying Your Dream Beach House

1. Know Your Budget and Think Long Term. Beachfront and near-beach properties come at a premium. Expect to pay a bit more for proximity to the sand and ocean views.

2. Choose Your Neighborhood Wisely. Do you want to be walking distance from the action on the boardwalk? Or do you prefer something more secluded in areas like North Shores or Henlopen Acres?

3. Rental Potential. If you’re not living there full time, your beach house could work overtime as a vacation rental. Rehoboth Beach has a healthy short-term rental market, especially in peak summer. Often times LGBTQ travelers actively seek inclusive, affirming places to stay.

4. Weather the Weather. Like all coastal areas, Rehoboth comes with a side of salt air and occasional storms. Invest in a good home inspection, especially for older homes, and be prepared for the maintenance that comes with beachfront living (yes, that includes sand everywhere).

5. Work With a Local Real Estate Agent. Look for an agent who knows Rehoboth inside and out and understands the unique needs of LGBTQ buyers. This isn’t just a house — it’s your happy place. You want someone who sees that and says, “Let’s find your sanctuary.”

Buying a beach house in Rehoboth Beach isn’t just about real estate — it’s about finding a space that reflects your lifestyle, values, and need for both community and calm. Whether it becomes your full-time home, your weekend escape, or your Airbnb side hustle, Rehoboth welcomes you with open arms (and maybe a mimosa).

Want personalized tips on navigating the Rehoboth Beach real estate market? Let’s chat! I’ll bring the listings if you bring the sunscreen.

Justin Noble is a Realtor with The Burns & Noble Group with Sotheby’s International Realty, licensed in D.C., Maryland, and Delaware. Reach him at [email protected] or 202-234-3344.

Real Estate

Impact of federal gov’t RIF on D.C.’s rental market

A seismic economic change for local property owners

Published

2 weeks ago

May 11, 2025

Scott Bloom

President Trump’s plan to cut the federal workforce presents challenges to local landlords. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

In a move that could redefine the federal government workforce and reshape the economic fabric of Washington, D.C., President Donald Trump has announced his intentions to significantly reduce federal government spending as well as the number of people the federal government employs.

Calling the federal bureaucracy “bloated” and “out of control,” Trump has repeatedly expressed his desire to cut thousands of federal jobs. While these cuts align with his long-standing push to “drain the swamp,” they come with potential and real collateral damage, especially for landlords in the D.C. area who have relied on government employees as some of their most reliable and long-term tenants.

The potential reduction of thousands of jobs in a city built around government work is not just a political shift—it’s a seismic economic change for the city government as well as for local property owners who have invested in the predictability of a near-constant demand for workers in the federal government agencies, government contractors and the economic ecosystem they sustain.

For landlords, government workers have represented ideal tenants: strong income, long-term leases, and responsible rental histories. Now, that foundation is being shaken in a battle by the Administration against a workforce which is the backbone of the Washington area’s overall economy, and especially its rental market.

With uncertainty looming, landlords are left in a difficult position. If widespread layoffs come to fruition, rental vacancies could spike, rental prices would drop, and previously secure investment properties might become financial liabilities. The sudden shift forces landlords to consider their next moves: how to support tenants facing job losses, how to adapt to a changing market, and how to ensure their own financial stability amid the uncertainty.

For D.C. landlords, this isn’t just about policy shifts or budget cuts, it’s about economic livelihood. The challenge ahead isn’t about just reacting to change, but proactively preparing for it, ensuring they can weather the storm of political maneuvering.

Potential Consequences for D.C. Landlords

1. Increased Risk of Non-Payment of Rent
- Job losses may lead to late or missed rent payments
- As affected tenants struggle financially, they may ask to break their lease to live elsewhere or even move out of the region
- Eviction lawsuits may rise, leading to a long and expensive process for landlords, all while not being able to rent their property to paying tenants.

2. Higher Vacancy Rates

If many government employees leave the D.C. region in search of work elsewhere, the rental demand could decline significantly
Rental properties may sit empty longer, requiring landlords to lower rents to attract new tenants and creating even more financial loss

3. More Competition from Other Landlords

As many more units are vacant on the market, all competing for the same pool of potential tenants, older and smaller rentals, and those located further out from the core of the city will all struggle to find quality renters.
Landlords will need to offer other ways to attract and retain tenants, such as incentives, which could quickly overwhelm the finances of smaller landlords who cannot keep up.

Proactive Strategies for Landlords

To mitigate risks and ensure future rental success, landlords should consider these defensive measures:

1. Strengthen Tenant Relationships and Communication

Encourage tenants to communicate if they anticipate financial hardship due to job loss.
Work out temporary payment plans or partial payments to prevent full non-payment or eviction.
Provide guidance on rental assistance programs available in D.C.

2. Offer Flexible Lease Terms

Consider shorter-term leases than a full 12-month term to accommodate the needs of tenants who may be uncertain about their long-term employment status.
Offer lease renewals at the same rent amount to keep stable tenants and avoid turnover

3. Diversify Tenant Base

If a large portion of tenants are government workers, a landlord may want to market to a broader audience or professionals in private industries.
Advertise on platforms that cater to diverse tenant pools, including students and international workers.

4. Adjust Screening Criteria Thoughtfully

While it’s important to ensure financial stability, consider creditworthiness, assets, and rental history rather than just employment status.
Consider alternative income sources, like family members assisting, part-time work or freelance gigs.

5. Protect Cash Flow with Rent Guarantee Options

Explore rental insurance policies or rent guarantee services to cover losses in case of non-payment.
Consider co-signers or guarantors on leases for new tenants in vulnerable industries, just in case.

6. Adjust Rental Pricing to Stay Competitive

Monitor the D.C. rental market and adjust pricing accordingly to attract new tenants.
Consider offering move-in incentives as a way to stand out. Be creative! Sometimes things you can offer are different and may catch someone’s eye

Long-Term Planning for Rental Success

Build reserves to cover expenses during potential vacancies or rent shortfalls.
Invest in property upgrades to make rentals more attractive to a broader audience, such as young professionals or remote workers.
Consider diversifying property holdings to include areas that are less reliant on government employment.

By taking proactive steps, landlords can safeguard their investments while supporting tenants through economic uncertainty, ultimately leading to a more stable and resilient rental business.

Scott Bloom is owner and senior property manager at Columbia Property Management. For more information, visit ColumbiaPM.com.

Real Estate

Hidden hazards at home

Professional inspections can help catch safety issues early

Published

3 weeks ago

May 4, 2025

Valerie Blake

Test smoke detectors monthly and change batteries at least once a year. (Photo by Phonlamaiphoto/Bigstock)

As the spring market hits its stride, we are beginning to see more inventory and an increase in days on the market in parts of the DMV. This may result in professional home inspections becoming routine parts of contract offers again. A thorough home inspection can help catch safety issues early and is an opportunity to learn about the operation and maintenance of items in your home.

Pay attention to flickering lights, frequently tripped breakers, and discolored outlets—these are signs of potential electrical hazards. Outdated wiring, overloaded outlets, and faulty appliances can lead to electrical fires.

Structural issues are often overlooked until it’s too late. Crumbling foundations, weak or damaged stairs, loose railings, and uneven flooring can cause trips and falls. Water damage from leaks or flooding can weaken the integrity of floors and walls, creating a risk of collapse.

Toxic chemicals can pose serious threats to health and safety, often without obvious warning signs. Understanding and addressing these risks is crucial for maintaining a safe living environment for you and your loved ones.

Household products such as cleaners, pesticides, air fresheners, and even cosmetics can emit volatile organic compounds (VOCs). These compounds, when inhaled regularly, can cause a range of health issues including headaches, respiratory problems, hormonal disruptions, and in some cases, even cancer. To minimize these risks, homeowners should opt for low-VOC or VOC-free products, ventilate regularly, and consider investing in an air purifier.

Formaldehyde is another common toxin found in pressed wood products, insulation, and certain paints. Long-term exposure can lead to chronic respiratory problems and has been linked to cancer.

Radon gas, another possible carcinogen, is prevalent in the DMV. Your home inspector can do a radon test or there are DIY kits available at many hardware stores. If levels are above EPA standards, a professional remediation firm can install a system that extracts the radon and vents it safely outdoors.

Carbon monoxide (CO), a colorless, odorless gas, is produced by gas stoves, heaters, and fireplaces. Exposure can lead to headaches, dizziness, nausea, and even death. Install CO detectors near bedrooms and ensure that all fuel-burning appliances are properly maintained and ventilated.

Additionally, older homes may still contain asbestos in insulation, floor tiles, or roofing materials. If disturbed, asbestos fibers can become airborne and are highly dangerous when inhaled, leading to serious diseases such as mesothelioma, so when renovating an older home, it’s critical to have materials tested for asbestos before beginning work.

Mold and mildew thrive in damp, poorly ventilated areas such as bathrooms, basements, and around leaky pipes. While some molds are harmless, others can cause allergic reactions or respiratory problems and aggravate conditions such as asthma. Black mold (Stachybotrys chartarum) is notorious for producing mycotoxins that may lead to severe health issues.

Signs of mold include musty odors, visible growth on walls or ceilings, and excessive humidity. Preventing mold growth requires controlling moisture levels—using dehumidifiers and vapor barriers, fixing leaks promptly, and ensuring adequate ventilation. Professional mold remediation may be necessary for severe infestations.

Though banned in residential paints in 1978, lead-based paint still exists in millions of older homes. Lead exposure is especially dangerous for children, causing developmental delays, learning difficulties, and behavioral issues. Adults are not immune – lead can lead to high blood pressure, kidney damage, and reproductive problems.

Even dust from deteriorating lead-based paint can be hazardous. The EPA recommends professional lead testing for any home built before 1978, especially if renovations are planned. Certified abatement professionals can safely remove or encapsulate lead paint.

Improper use of heating equipment, fireplaces, unattended candles, and cooking accidents are common sources of home fires. Smoke alarms and fire extinguishers are essential for early detection and response. Test smoke detectors monthly and change batteries at least once a year.

Homes that are safe for adults may not be safe for children or pets. Small objects, unsecured cabinets, toxic plants, and open staircases can pose significant risks. Childproofing measures such as outlet covers, safety gates, and cabinet locks, along with safe storage of chemicals and medications, are essential precautions.

The good news is that many of these risks can be mitigated with awareness and action. Here are a few simple steps to enhance home safety:

• Conduct a thorough safety audit using checklists available online.

• Ensure proper ventilation to reduce indoor air pollutants.

• Regularly check for leaks and signs of water damage.

• Keep cleaning and chemical products out of reach of children.

• Educate all household members about emergency procedures, including fire escapes and first aid.

Our homes should protect us, not pose threats to our well-being. By identifying and addressing these toxic and unsafe issues, we can transform our living spaces into truly safe havens.

Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.