July 19, 2011 at 2:40 pm EDT | by DG2012
Fighting for Love?

Why am I still fighting to be with the person I love? Or for that matter, why does anyone have to fight to be in love? Love is something that I have had the good fortune of finding in recent years. But the 30 years prior were not that simple. And what I don’t get, is why I am still fighting.

When I was younger, I saw my parents in love. They would hug, hold hands and tell each other “I love you”. I knew from the very beginning what love was supposed to look like. After all, my parents have been married for over forty years and still to this day are very much in love. So why was it so hard for me to find it?

I searched high and low. Moved to London, NYC & Washington, DC – only three of the most expensive cities in the world – because I knew he would not be from my small town in Virginia. I also knew that most of the people from my small town would not be comfortable seeing me fall in love. So I ran. I ran to the cities where my odds would increase. I ran to cities where I would not only fight to love, but I would also fight to survive.

After many years of dating all the wrong guys, I finally got it right. I found him; and we got married. Yet here I am still fighting. I’m fighting to be in love and start a family.

We often discuss what it would be like to have a simple life: not in a city. But we can’t move to _____ because their laws don’t support us. We can’t use ______ adoption agency because they don’t work with gay couples. We don’t get recognized by federal law. Religions don’t accept our love – and the list goes on.

So why am I fighting to be in love, start a family and live a normal life? Everyday is a struggle, yet I just don’t get why? Every time I leave my city, I feel the eyes judging and the people whispering. I’m always worried to tell people about who I am, for fear that they will make me fight when all I want to do is love.

Why is it so complex? Why shouldn’t we all be able to love? It’s simple. No one should have to fight this hard to say “I love you”.

  • Well, I love you, both of you… so you will never have to fight for me to loveor accept you. It’s sincere, deep and real… it’s not the mushy kind but the kind you have for a best friend. XO

  • Derick, maybe you should see a therapist to work out your seemingly many issues. Life is passing you by while you lament every move you make (or don’t make). Paxil CR works wonders.

  • Derick, your story sounds so…what’s the word…CONTRIVED…were you just bored or something when you came up with this? My motto is ‘Life is too short to worry about shit like this’… just live your life and stop making things more difficult for yourself and those around you…Oy! that was painful to read.

  • Hi Derick,

    I completely agree with you. Though, I personally have no idea how it must feel to just be with the person you love and feel constantly scrutinized simply because society doesn’t think you should be together. I think about this sometimes because from experience, I fell in love with the person I’m with right now, not by choice but because I simply just fell in love. It isn’t fair that you’re not able to fully express your love for the man you choose to spend your life with because society is so close minded on same sex couples. I think you should live your life and enjoy the fact that you have someone who loves you. I have become more open minded to every kind of alternative lifestyle since courses in college and since graduating college that I try to talk to my friends and family about these ideas in an effort to expand their thoughts and way of thinking as well. I hope one day everyone can be exactly who they want to be and not be ashamed of who they fall in love with.

    P.S. – Laurelboy – I think you’re probably the one who needs to see a therapist because your comment to this article could not have been more condescending.

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