Arts & Entertainment

Breach of manners

New book explores why some things drive us crazy

Published

14 years ago

April 5, 2012

Terri Schlichenmeyer

(Image courtesy the publisher)

‘Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That? A Modern Guide to Manners’
By Henry Alford
Twelve
$24.99
243 pages

Stop it.

Just cut it out. Quit snuffling, chomping your gum and snapping your fingers in people’s faces. Don’t be rude and don’t do that thing with your foot, OK? Stop with those annoyingly intrusive questions, and by the way, no one appreciates your disgusting bodily noises.

Why is it that manners are something we possess but no one else does? Why do some things bother us, while others don’t? And, as author Henry Alford asks with his new book, “Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That?”

Why do we bother with manners? Henry Alford wondered that while he was in Tokyo. Japan, he says, is the “Fort Knox of the World Manners Reserve,” but we here in North America know a few things about that subject, too.

Scientists know, for instance, that we’re nicer to people we know. We define manners, not as protocol (a subset of mannerly behavior), but as sensitivity to others. Experts have hypothesized from where “Southern Charm” sprang. And when it comes to manners, we unequivocally say that we present good manners, while bad manners are what others have.

Of course, though, in our zeal to be polite, we do boneheaded things. We don’t think. We don’t listen. We say “no problem” instead of “thank you,” or we apologize insincerely or not at all. We bum-pat, hug (or are horrified by huggers), and we often eschew email etiquette.

So why are we this way? One of the reasons might be what doctors call “inattentional blindness,” which means that we’re too focused on other things, to the detriment of being nice. We might not be adept at small talk. We hide behind a group, an email alias or a Facebook page because we can.

There are things we can do about widespread rudeness, however. Summon your inner chat-ability at parties, but know that there are limits. Teach manners to your children. Pay attention to cultural differences. Cultivate the art of the smart (but ohhh-so-genteel) comeback.

“Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That?” is a quirky book. It’s not exactly an etiquette book, although there’s advice in here. It’s not a how-to, either, unless you do a lot of reading between the lines.

This book is more of a look at how we behave (or don’t) and why it bothers author Henry Alford — and that last part is what makes this book worth a read: Alford is pretty good at being Everyman. Like him, aren’t we all grossed-out by unflushed public toilets? Don’t we all hate drivers with perpetually turned-on turn signals? Haven’t we all committed a faux pas that made us want to slink away?

This book holds a mirror up to our foibles and though it, too, has its impolite moments, it’s also got some laughs. I think if you’re rubbed wrong by rudeness, you’ll like it but beware — start reading “Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That?” and you may not be able to stop.

Related Topics:Henry Alford Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That

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FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM

Out & About

This queer comedy show will warm you up

Catfish Comedy to feature LGBTQ lineup

Published

17 hours ago

January 31, 2026

Tinashe Chingarande

(Promotional image via Eventbrite)

Catfish Comedy will host “2026 Queer Kickoff Show” on Thursday, Feb. 5 at A League of Her Own (2319 18th Street, N.W.). This show features D.C.’s funniest LGBTQ and femme comedians. The lineup features performers who regularly take the stage at top clubs like DC Improv and Comedy Loft, with comics who tour nationally.

Tickets are $17.85 and can be purchased on Eventbrite.

Arts & Entertainment

Catherine O’Hara, ‘Schitt’s Creek’ star and celebrated queer ally, dies at 71

Actress remembered for memorable comedic roles in ‘Beetlejuice’ and ‘Home Alone’

Published

2 days ago

January 30, 2026

Matt Minton

(Photo courtesy of Pop TV)

Catherine O’Hara, the varied comedic actor known for memorable roles in “Beetlejuice,” “Schitt’s Creek,” and “Home Alone,” has died at 71 on Friday, according to multiple reports. No further details about her death were revealed.

O’Hara’s death comes as a shock to Hollywood, as the Emmy award-winning actor has been recently active, with roles in both “The Studio” and “The Last of Us.” For her work in those two shows, she received Emmy nominations for outstanding supporting actress in a comedy series and outstanding guest actress in a drama series.

In 2020, O’Hara won the Outstanding Lead Actress in a comedy series award for her work in the celebrated sixth and final season of “Schitt’s Creek.” She was also known as a queer ally and icon for her theatrical and often campy performances over multiple decades. In “Schitt’s Creek,” she played Moira Rose, the wig-loving mother of David Rose (played by series creator Dan Levy). David is pansexual, but the characters around him simply accept him for who he is; the show was embraced by the LGBTQ community with how naturally David’s sexuality was written and portrayed. That show ran from 2015 to 2020 and helped bring O’Hara and her co-stars into a new phase of their careers.

In a 2019 interview with the Gay Times, O’Hara explained why the show got LGBTQ representation right: “Daniel has created a world that he wants to live in, that I want to live in. It’s ridiculous that we live in a world where we don’t know how to respect each other and let each other be. It’s crazy. Other shows should follow suit and present the world and present humans as the best that we can be. It doesn’t mean you can’t laugh, that you can’t be funny in light ways and dark ways. It’s all still possible when you respect and love each other.”

Additional credits include “SCTV Network” (for which O’Hara won a writing Emmy), “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “Six Feet Under,” “Best in Show,” “Home Alone 2: Lost in New York,” and “Dick Tracy.” O’Hara also lent her voice to “The Nightmare Before Christmas,” “Chicken Little,” “Monster House,” and “Elemental.” O’Hara was expected to return for Season 2 of “The Studio,” which started filming earlier this month.

Calendar

Calendar: January 30-February 5

LGBTQ events in the days to come

Published

2 days ago

January 30, 2026

Tinashe Chingarande

Friday, January 30

Friday Tea Time will be at 12 p.m. at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ+ adults. Bring your beverage of choice. For more information, contact Mac ([email protected]).

Spark Social will host “RuPaul’s Drag Race S18 Watch Party” at 8 p.m. This event will be hosted by local drag queens TrevHER and Grey, who will provide hilarious commentary and make live predictions on who’s staying and who’s going home. Stick around after the show for a live drag performance. This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Saturday, January 31

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 11 a.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including allies, together for delicious food and conversation. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Sunday, February 1

Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community and Conversation” at noon at As You Are. This event is for those looking to make more friends and meaningful connections in the LGBTQ+ community. Look for the Go Gay DC sign on the long table near the front window. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Monday, February 2

“Center Aging: Monday Coffee Klatch” will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ+ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of choice. For more information, contact Adam (adamheller@t hedccenter.org).

Tuesday, February 3

Universal Pride Meeting will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This group seeks to support, educate, empower, and create change for people with disabilities. For more information, email [email protected].

Wednesday, February 4

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom upon request. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit thedccenter.org/careers.

Center Aging Women’s Social and Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This group is a place where older LGBTQ+ women can meet and socialize with one another. There will be discussion, activities, and a chance for guests to share what they want future events to include. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website.

Thursday, February 5

The DC Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5:00 pm if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email [email protected] or call 202-682-2245.

Virtual Yoga Class will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This free weekly class is a combination of yoga, breath work and meditation that allows LGBTQ+ community members to continue their healing journey with somatic and mindfulness practices. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website.